The Great Cost of Fornication and the Beauty of Virginity
Virginity isn’t popular in our culture, no, not even among Christians. Contrary to popular opinion, God takes it seriously and warns us strongly against the sin of fornication (sex outside of marriage consisting of a husband and his wife). Remember, He destroyed two cities due to fornication. Then in Revelation, we are told about the “great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication” (Revelation 19:2). Fornication corrupts.
All of His commands to us are for our good; they are good, and acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2). They aren’t to cause us to “miss out” on anything, women. He’s our Creator and knows best. If you are young and a virgin, I encourage you to remain this way until your wedding night. You will NEVER regret it, but you will regret it if you don’t. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you will always be thankful for the choices you make that are in obedience to God’s commands; for they are good.
Here are some good reasons, by the women in the chat room, why staying a virgin until marriage is good:
“If you’re not a virgin, you carry that garbage into your marriage bed and it is hard to handle! This is said from experience, sadly. That’s one thing out of everything in my life I wish I could change.”
“For one, retaining one’s virginity means there will be no risk of infecting one’s spouse with a sexually transmitted disease. Also, there will be a stronger bond, being that you have not united your body to anyone else’s.”
“Being a virgin is good because: 1) There is no standard for ‘perfect’ sex, and you get to explore sex together without comparing each other to someone else; 2) There is no baggage from past relationships or one night stands to haunt you, or for Satan to use to make you feel guilty and dirty; 3) There is no insecurity that stems from past break ups or a man who cheated on you; 5) There is less likely to be a desire to control or manipulate your husband using sex; 6) The most important reason: your innocence before a holy God; 7) There are no STDs and no history of abortion.
“My husband and I talk often about how we wish we had been virgins for each other, and we will never get that back. I praise God that we are new creatures in Christ.”
“I believe it makes it easier to remain faithful to one’s husband: faithful before marriage and faithful after. I seriously could not imagine being intimate with any other man than my husband. That has never appealed to me for even a moment.”
“I would give anything to be rid of the memories of other men. I’ve repented, of course, and l’ve asked my husband to forgive me, as his help meet, but I wish I could have given him all of me untarnished. And still, thanks be to God for His mercy, unfailing kindness, and redemption.”
“There’s a lot of good reasons, but the main one is that God commands it. He is the Creator of sex, sexuality, and relationships, and He knows how they work best. Not only does following His commands show honor and obedience to Him, but it shows Him that we trust Him in all things.
“In addition, there is something different about sexual sin that impacts us in a way that other sins do not: ‘Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without his body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body’ (1 Corinthians 6:18).”
This comment is from Robert Zeurunkl (a letter he wrote to his children) on this post: “There will be a lot of people who will tell you, ‘Oh, if you repent, Jesus will restore you.’ Well, yes, and no. He will forgive, and He can restore your position as a son or daughter. But He will not (because He cannot?) undo the past and make it so that you never did a thing, and He won’t make you forget it either. You will carry that knowledge for the rest of your life, and it will be a thorn in your side.
“Paul addresses this in his admonishment to us to ‘Guard our hearts, for out of it flow all the issues of life.’ God designs our memories such that they are permanent. What goes in, stays in. Paul reminds us of this with his admonishment. Guarding your heart is the work of protecting it by 1) daily meditating on the word of God, so that it renews our mind, and 2) keeping and conducting ourselves according to the principles that God says are for our good.
“The joy you have, every single day, for the rest of your life in waking up every day knowing that ‘I am my beloved’s, and his [her] desire is towards ME [only]…’ is worth and beyond many earthly riches.”
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3
God’s plan for us to avoid fornication is to get married! Putting off marriage for higher education and careers is not His perfect plan for us, women. Since so many are doing this, fornication is rampant in the universities and among the young people even in the churches. So what if you’re poor when you first are married and have to struggle. There is no sin in this but there is sin in fornication. Most young people burn. It’s time to start rethinking getting married young and accepting it as a good thing.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
24 thoughts on “The Great Cost of Fornication and the Beauty of Virginity”
Amen Lori! The naysayers only want what feels good in the short term, but not what does goo in the long run!
I was just 20 when I got married, and although it’s been a struggle at times, I don’t regret it at all.
Having children young was also a great choice – now in my late 30s, I’m young enough to still keep up with and have fun with, my busy, active teenagers, and my very active nearly-7-year-old.
A lot of people I know, who have multiple sexual partners, are dissatisfied with their current partners for one reason or another (previous partners are better, apparently) but I don’t have that problem, because I have noone else to compare to. It’s great. And after 17 years together, it’s still not boring.
As my children get older, teaching them to abstain from sex in our highly sexualised culture is a bit of a worry, but I loved the comment from Robert Z. above. There is a lot of wisdom in it.
It seems like no one is saving themselves these days even in the church there is “hook up” culture sadly. People want to pick and choose what to obey in God’s word. If you’ve had sex before marriage you can still quit now and save yourself. Don’t think since you’ve already messed up its too late. Yes you can never get in back but you can quit living in sin and start living for God.
In a day and age where everyone is focused on immediate gratification and feminism has sold women the idea that they can be “sexually liberated” and still be respected by men its no wonder so many young ladies are not saving themselves for marriage. But it is such an important thing! Your purity is something you can never get back – you can never undo the past.
Feminism has lied to us – we cannot be respected by men while acting like women with no morals. How many young girls have suffered the terrible heartache of giving away their purity to a man they thought was worthy and chivalrous, only to be cruelly discarded?
Young ladies, you guard so much more than just your marriage bed and your health when you guard your purity – you guard your heart. Our loving Father knows that a woman’s heart is tender and precious and that women often attach emotional feelings to sex that callous, selfish young men do not. If a man is truly chivalrous and deserving of your trust he will WANT you to stay pure. He will encourage you to love and obey God because he is loving and obeying God.
“I seriously could not imagine being intimate with any other man than my husband. That has never appealed to me for even a moment.”
Amen, and Amen. And I feel the same way about my wife. I truly understand what God means when he calls some women “strange flesh”. And guys can be “strange flesh” every bit as much. It is strange flesh when it is not “our own”, when it does not belong to us. Yes, I said “belong to us”. My wife quite literally owns my body. It is her own possession, according the scripture. The same for me. We are given to one another in marriage. Why do you think the bible states it that way? “Given in marriage”. My wife is given to me, and I am given to my wife.
When I am intimate with my wife, there is a sense of “belonging”. “I belong here“, and I can completely relax and put the cares of the world away. That sense of belonging is a feeling I could NEVER attain with any other woman, and the idea of sex without it is unimaginable. Sex without deep emotional and spiritual bonds is, quite literally, repulsive to me.
Amen. My mother used to have a great analogy. She’d tell me not to act as an “hors d’ouevre” (emphasizing the ‘hors’) by letting myself be passed around as an appetizer for many, because the main course, each with their own plate of their own choosing (marriage), is what is going to fill you up! I hope to teach this to my daughters, as though it is funny, it’s also very compelling.
Gosh, but all of those quotes you posted were really spot on. I liked the 7-Point one especially, but all of them were quite wise.
Many people aren’t being taught that the sexual act isn’t just an act but has a spiritual and intimate component to it as well, intended to unite two people into one flesh. It’s a beautiful thing in marriage yet Satan’s plan is to corrupt the purity and beauty of it with fake imitations.
Lori you have put it so beautifully here; Well Done! ???
I don’t believe in casual dating for Christians. Only date someone if you think they could be the one you marry. Sometimes in casual dating, one partner may be in love with the other and the other doesn’t want to take it further. The one in love ends up getting heartbroken when the relationship leads to marriage.
Conservative blogger Matt Walsh wrote an article on Hook Up culture some years back and how it increases the risk of date rape. There was a lot of backlash but I agree with him. It is never a woman’s fault if they are raped but hook up culture does make a woman vulnerable.
I totally agree. I love reading your blog; it has taught me so much over the years. I have decided to begin commenting to add to the support of your blog instead of being a silent reader. My favorite part was “You will carry that knowledge for the rest of your life, and it will be a thorn in your side.” Sadly, this is very true. Thanks for sharing this wisdom.
Beautifully put Lori – but can I add that it is that spiritual component which can include God in the creation of life which is precisely why it should only ever be between a man and women joined by God in Marriage and open open to the gift of life.
There can be absolutely no doubt that the widespread expectation that women will allow sex, on a casual basis, does lead to a expectation on behalf of men that NO does not really mean NO.
I’m in a dilemma and I was hoping you could help me.
Right now, in my family’s current financial situation, my parents can only afford to pay for one college tuition. I got accepted into Brown, Princeton, Stanford and UPenn (aside, of course, our community college) and my brother just got into our city’s community college, so, my mom is insisting for me to be the one going to college.
Lately, reading your waking posts and being more in touch with the Lord and His scripture, I’ve been changing my mind about college education, but my mother still doesn’t want me to lose this chance. What do you recommend for me to do?
Thank you very much for reading me.
Imagine this. You are 18 and in a strict Pentecostal church. Sex before marriage forbidden. You do the ultimate sin. Then, shame, guilt, hiding your sins. You are put out for this. The looks on your parents faces when they find out. A honeymoon tainted. And for what? A fleshly pleasure. It was a great cost
If I were you, Danna, I would explain to my parents that I no longer want them to spend a ton of money for me to go to college when all I want to be is a wife and mother. I no longer want a career that would keep me from potentially being home with my children. Ask them if you can go to the community college instead since it’s a lot cheaper and there’s not much loss if you get married and want to be home full time. Reason with them. Several of my children went to community colleges for $400 a semester! The teachers are way better than the university professors since they still know how to teach, there is no dorm life, and students just come and go, so there’s not much peer pressure. Have you thought about getting a teaching credential? Then you can quit when you get married or have children since you hopefully won’t have any debt, then teach your own children from home!
This admonishment could apply to women of all ages because these temptations and sins can deceive anyone regardless of age. My father passed away suddenly a few years ago and my parents had a very rocky marriage. My mother now lives with her boyfriend, and they both claim to be Christians. They are both grandparents who are in their 50s, but what they mostly like to do with free time is go to the bar, travel and be entertained. They don’t attend church or read the Bible. Seems like a pretty shallow way of life……Thank you, Lori and Ken for being a godly example to me and many others. God bless you both.
For what it’s worth I agree with Lori – if you vocation is as a wife and mother (which is what God designed for the overwhelming majority of women) it is better that you family put it’s resources into educating your brother who will one day head his own family.
If this thought deters one girl from falling into sin then the Church has done that girl a great service.
Amen! I did this now me and my boyfriend have left our pasts behind and we are saving ourselves for marriage. It is such a beautiful pure feeling. Because of sin though we will always hate the fact we’ve been with other people but Christ has renewed our minds and we got to start over! And we can both say we entered into marriage with each other without having sex first. We first get to experience other ways to show love and it’s beautiful just looking in each others eyes or holding each other. It’s so pure. And when we are married God will still be able to bless our marriage because we stopped sinning ahead of time! Amen!
It’s good after as well! The movement is small as of yet, but more and more young couples are delaying a sexual relationship after marriage in lieu of praying with one another once more each day. The goal is to help a couple be united and really know each other spiritually before beginning a sexual relationship, rather than jump in too soon after marriage.
This is the most beautiful post ever written by a mile. I am a man in his early 30s. I used to believe in virginity and purity. In my country, men go to military conscription for 2 years before university. I kept myself throughout military (amazing!). Until I met my first christian girlfriend in university, I was 23 years old, she 22. I met her in a mission trip to Cambodia. During the first official date (when we agreed to be in a committed relationship), we were laughing in a restaurant when she suddenly said proudly that even though she is technically a virgin, she has fornicated many times (sexual intimacy), even with my friend. She blamed the men but never herself, but said she has no regrets and that she will do it again if given she can choose all over again. She has no idea how that hurt me. I sank into a depression after that, could not get out of bed and felt that life has no meaning. I felt betrayed by God. She begged me to not leave her and beg me to accept what she said to me (that she has no regret). My male and female friends all told me to accept her and everyone told me I am naive to expect a virgin. Some mock at me. So I swallowed all my pain and accepted her. She initiated fornication soon. I gave in. I admit that I gave in out of jealousy as I cannot shake off the image that other men had it before me. Technically, we are still virgins at this point, but who am I kidding, God is not mocked. After fornicating, she would grow colder towards me, while I would want more connection. Finally, she began to ignore me and gravitated towards other guys and I initiated a break up during the mission trip. After that, I was so hurt by the idea that women do not feel sorry for their sexual liberal ways but blame men and expect their other half to embrace it. (It’s a nice surprise to read here that couples ask each other for forgiveness, that is so important.) I was told it is wrong to blame women as they have no responsibility but victims, so needing someone to blame, I took it out on God. I was told that it is shameful to desire a virgin wife. Unfortunately, swallowing this reality proved too painful for me so I blame and hate God, stop church got drunk and sleep around (initially with women whom I reject sleeping with when I was a virgin. Talk about lowering my standard). For years and years, I lived this way. I went back church but never could overcome this pain. Until a month ago, I started to tell myself that my desire for a virgin woman as wife is God-given and I should not feel ashamed of it. I stopped hanging out with people who despise virgins. Now I gain inner peace and self acceptance. The world condemns me for desiring a virgin wife. Last year, I finally found some comfort and company in a Chinese online community that promotes virgin marriages (for once I realize the Great China Firewall has its advantage as their online culture may not conform to western culture – I cant find any such things on google!). Neverthless, its not a christian community and for years I have stopped talking to God as I thought He also condemns me for desiring a virgin wife, but now I start talking to Him again. I thought I was most hated man by God and society for desiring virgin wife, so for 10 years, I acted like I hate virgins (even though I admire them the most). How did I manage to deceive myself and everyone for 10 years just to look normal!?! Almost one month ago, when I am sure the bible promotes virginity and that God doesnt hate me for promoting it, I was able to assert my boundary with women again, and to walk away from those who keep talking about their sexual past and claiming no responsibility for it. Now I look forward to life once again. And for once in 10 years (33 this year), I look forward to marriage. When I meet my virgin wife, I will ask her for forgiveness for 10 years of living in a lie just to look normal to the world and to the church (the sad present day church which shamed me for desiring virgin marriage).
If you’re reading this it’s God trying to stop you from doing something you will regret forever. I started being sexually active with my first boyfriend at 16, but for some reason which was actually God’s mercy I couldn’t lose my virginity. We had a long distance relationship and after a few months trying I had to go back home. Being far away, a few months later before turning 17 I had a personal encounter with Jesus which changed me, but I was a slave of idolatry. My boyfriend was whom my happiness or sadness depended on. I was convicted of sexual immorality, but I still went back to see him and for a few months tried having sex again without being able to. He tried but he couldn’t penetrate me and it was physically unexplainable. During this time I would get convicted, cry while doing it because I felt the Holy Ghost but used my free will in the worst way. I went back home being a virgin still, I was so bounded to him though this horrible relationship that I drowned in a deep depression, away from Jesus, where he would reject me and I would chase after him for attention and worthiness. I came back after graduating my senior year, a few months later, because of this horrible obsession that Jesus would have freed me from if I would had just asked Him. We were not together, he was abusive and using my body for his pleasure, I was broken and really deep in anxiety and depression, and after a year of God warning me in a supernatural way, I lost my virginity at 17 with a man that afterwords left me alone, telling me he didn’t desire me, neither love me, crying myself to sleep every night. Afterwards I was with other few men, in this world losing your purity means an easier entering door for having sex with many men you wouldn’t have considered before. Now I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, I just turned 20, three years have passed and I gave my life truly to Jesus six months ago. I have an horrible feeling of wanting to back and listen to God’s voice, acknowledging that He wanted to protect me because He’s omnipotent and knew what I would have missed out. I would give anything to go back, but out of God’s mercy I’m redeemed and now put really strict boundaries for my future, deciding to wait even to kiss when I will have a boyfriend, to me it’s a way todo showing God my gratefulness towards Him and trying to take back some of the things I’ve missed out.
I now feel the call of minister to young girls as my old self, about the urgency of this and I pray that my testimony will avoid many hearts to be broken. Don’t wait to give your life to Jesus, do it today. I waited years and sadly I went though horrible things because I decided to be far from God. If you are not a virgin, God can redeemed you, we serve an Amazing Miracle Working God and I’ve been praying for my memories of men to be completely erased from my mind, for my body to be restored by the supernatural power of Jesus, be completely purified by Him, for my future husband to be compassionate, and my marriage sex life to be far from what it was in the past.