Opposite of the Modest Housewife Who Stays at Home

Opposite of the Modest Housewife Who Stays at Home

“A woman with the attire of a harlot, and subtil of heart. She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” (Proverbs 7:10,11). Unfortunately, these verses describe too many women today – an adulteress, a whore, or a “strange” or “evil” woman, as the Bible calls them and are completely opposite to what God calls women to be.

She dresses with the “attire of a harlot.”

Gill’s Exposition: “She dresses with showy gaudy garments; the word signifies one fitted to her body, neat and well-shaped, to recommend her: so the woman, the whore of Rome, is said to be arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold, and precious stones, and pearls; signifying the outward pomp and splendor of the Romish religion, designed to captivate weak and unwary minds.”

Pulpit Commentary: “In Revelation 17:4 the harlot is ‘arrayed in purple and scarlet, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls;’ and in the present case the female is dressed in some conspicuous garments, very different from the sober clothing of the pure and modest.”

We are to adorn ourselves with modest clothing. This not only means that we should not be bringing attention to our bodies or dress in any way that is sexually enticing but we shouldn’t spend a lot of money on our clothing either. Clothing is to keep us covered and warm. It’s to cover our nakedness. It’s not to show off our bodies or show how wealthy we are. Few even remember what others are wearing yet so many women spend so much time and money on their clothing. This isn’t storing our treasures in heaven, women. It’s storing them on earth where moth will destroy.

She was “subtil of heart.” Subtil means “sly; artful cunning; crafty.”

Ellicot’s Commentary: “Feigning love to her husband and devotion to her lovers, yet caring for none, only to satisfy her own passions.”

Gill’s Exposition: “A mistress of all artful and intriguing methods to seduce and ensnare or, ‘reserved of heart,’ cautious and wary what she said, told everything that was encouraging, but kept back what was discouraging; or she kept her own heart to herself, while she stole the hearts of others.”

Pulpit Commentary: “Literally, of concealed heart; i.e. she hides her real feelings, feigning, perhaps, affection for a husband, or love for her paramour, while she seeks only to satisfy her evil passions.”

There is a selfishness that pervades many today. They don’t care about their husbands or children. They only care about themselves, their happiness, their dreams and goals, their careers, their paycheck, and only seek to satisfy themselves. This is the opposite of love and we are told that in the end days, people will be lovers of themselves and their love will grow cold.

Many today will tell us that we need to learn to love ourselves. The Bible never commands us to love ourselves. The problem is that when people are lovers of themselves (only looking for their best interests and desires), their love will grow cold. As we live for others by loving and serving them, our love grows deeper! Women who dress immodestly (seek attention for themselves) and seek only to satisfy themselves are those who no longer know how to love. Their love has grown cold.

Remember, loving others consists in learning to be kind, patient, thinking no evil, not easily provoked, and so on as clearly explained in 1 Corinthian 13. It’s thinking more highly of others than we do ourselves. Instead of learning to love yourself, remind yourself how much God loves you! Loving yourself pales in comparison to what God’s love can do for you; it transforms you!

“She is loud and stubborn.”

Benson Commentary: “She is full of talk, self-willed, disobedient to her husband, rebellious against God, and incorrigible by any admonitions of ministers or friends.”

Matthew Poole’s Commentary: “She is rebellious against God, and against her husband, and incorrigible by all admonitions of ministers or friends.”

God commands that we be meek and quiet. It’s the complete opposite of what young women are being taught today. They are being taught to voice their opinions, fight for their “rights,” be independent, and don’t let anyone stand in their way. God commands that we be mild of temper; soft; gentle; not easily provoked or irritated; submissive to the divine will; not proud; not apt to complain. We care more about pleasing the Lord than pleasing ourselves. We want to glorify Him in everything, not ourselves.

“Her feet abide not in her house.”

Ellicot’s Commentary: “She is not a ‘keeper at home,’ as St. Paul (Titus 2:5) would have Christian matrons to be.”

Benson Commentary: “She minds not her business, which lies in her own house, but gives herself wholly up to idleness and pleasure, which she seeks in gadding abroad, and in changing her place and company.”

Gill’s Exposition: “It is the character of good women that they are keepers at home, but it is the sign of a harlot to gad abroad.”

Pulpit Commentary: “She is the opposite of the careful, modest housewife, who stays at home and manages her family affairs.”

I LOVE how the commentaries of old have no problem explaining what being a keeper at home is. It means to be a keeper at home – stay at home – work at home. For the Proverbs 31 woman was known for “looking well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). All of her work revolved around and for her home. The aged women are commanded to teach the younger women to be “keepers at home” (Titus 2:5). Young widows are told to “guide the house (1 Timothy 5:14).” This is our place of work and ministry, women, and it is good since all of God’s ways are perfect!

God is clear what He commands of us. Our culture and feminism demand the exact opposite. You have a choice, women. Are you going to follow the ways of our culture on the broad path that leads to destruction or are you going to follow the ways of the Lord on the narrow path that leads to life?

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:3, 4

23 thoughts on “Opposite of the Modest Housewife Who Stays at Home

  1. This is good advice. As a child I was always taught not to think highly of oneself and always put other people’s needs ahead of my own. This lesson has stayed with me, as I realize I am nothing and have nothing without Christ. I live this out in practical ways by serving myself last at meals, never spending money on myself beyond absolute necessities, etc. to be honest, I don’t even like to celebrate my birthday as it focuses too much attention on me. There is nothing special about me beyond how I can serve my family which is my calling

  2. Excellent article. So much of the feminist movement’s teachings can be seen clearly in the Proverbs 7 woman: sexually promiscuity, dressing however you want, being loud and bossy, and leaving the home and care of your family for “better” pursuits. And yet women today are more burdened and unhappier than ever.

    The further we veer from God’s Word and His will for His precious ladies, the more and more we began to emulate the Proverbs 7 woman. True joy is found in dying to self, rights, and expectations. Lasting peace comes from cultivating a meek and quiet spirit that waits on the Lord.

    There is so much joy and peace that can be found in being a keeper at home! It is a demanding job that requires skill, creativity, higher-level problem solving, and constantly sanctifies us to make us more like Christ. To belittle this God-ordained career for wives and mamas is to not fully understand all that being a good keeper at home entails! Thanks for the lovely reminder to avoid the ways of the Proverbs 7 Woman!

  3. I don’t understand how people can continue to deny this truth when it is so clearly laid out, as you have skillfully outlined here. Although it has been difficult, I have been learning to forget myself. No, I’m not perfect, but I have improved. A few weeks ago, we had a church picnic, and I actually fainted walking to the car to get a towel my husband had forgotten because I was so thirsty. But I was not going to put my needs ahead of his, and that is what he would have wanted as well. In the future I won’t put myself in danger like that again (nobody, least of all me, realized how much trouble was in) but the attitude is something I hope to replicate, and I hope others do too! Might print off these verses and leave them around the house, and maybe my teenage daughter will benefit from seeing the truth… 🙂

  4. Joy truly does come from sacrifice, which is probably a word these feminists don’t even comprehend. There are days when I make dinner for my husband, but he doesn’t like what I’ve cooked (thinks it’s bland, wasn’t what he was in the mood for, etc). So of course, when he tells me he wants something else, instead of being entitled and getting upset, I simply nod and smile, take his plate away, and make whatever he’s requested. Now I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow, and he is satisfied!

  5. I am a little concerned about these comments. I don’t know if you will allow this to go through, but this type of talk was what nearly did me in, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually — yes, spiritually, because the emotional abandonment that I have gone through is the greatest pain I have ever experienced.

    Having been erroneously taught that a respectful, obedient girl is always quiet, always does as she’s told, and wears herself out to please others, I can say from experience that when you are drained out, wrung out, and have nothing left to give and need someone to give to you, it will not go well when you have given and given and given until you end up in the hospital. You will have trained everybody to take from you and nobody will give to you.

    You are not an vessel that endlessly fills up without needing to be replenished. What you will end up being is a martyr and you will end up both feeling sorry for yourself while at the same time begging God to just give you the energy to go one more minute when you are dragging. You will end up training people to take and take and take until you are burned out. This can end up in depression or worse. It can also become very annoying to others because you will start to feel self-pity when nobody will give in return. You’ll try to fight it, but it gets hard to fight when everybody ignores you and your legitimate needs.

    There is a difference between healthy self-esteem and an inflated ego. There is a difference between healthy boundaries and meekly letting people run you ragged. And yes, sometimes men can be very thoughtless. They are wonderful, but they can be thoughtless. I’m aware that a lot of women today are in-your-face, loud and obnoxious, but that type of woman probably isn’t reading this blog. The type that are are probably those who are already straining the limits, and I’m worried, frankly, that someone will end up where I was. Long-term medications are not fun to take and some of them have to be discontinued gradually. E.R. visits for possible heart attacks are scary and expensive.

    Don’t do that. If you are fainting, something’s wrong. Don’t expect somebody to reciprocate for you when you are in need; it’s not likely to happen unless you clearly indicate that you expect to be treated with some dignity. They get too used to you being the one doing, and more often than not they get annoyed when you get laid up and can’t do anymore. Cold hard facts, but they are facts nevertheless. I have yet to see one person who would reciprocate in kind at least in my experience. I know only one person is going to take care of me, and that’s me.

  6. Tay M are you okay now? We need to take care of our health and make sure to stay hydrated in hot weather. Our husbands don’t want to lose us because we aren’t taking care of ourselves. My husband reminds me because of past health issues not to neglect my health.

  7. There is something extremely special about you. Just you. And not solely what you can do for others. I’m sorry but I just felt compelled to tell you my opinion. God created you. One of a kind. And planted a special gift inside of you- a gift that you do better than anyone else on this earth. “Let your light shine before others…” You sound like a very loving, humble and devoted family woman and for that I commend you. I hope you will be in agreeance with me and perhaps I misunderstood— but all in all I’m only paying you a compliment.

  8. Hi! I have a question, are there exceptions to be made for women missionaries/widows/women who have devoted their lives to Christ? Anna, the prophetess who spoke over Jesus was a widow and said to never leave the temple and ministered to God through her prayers and fasting. To me, it makes sense that if a woman is alone, either through life circumstances or by choice, then she should be free to go where God calls her. Why be a keeper at home if there’s no one at home to keep but herself? Wouldn’t it honor God more for her to be out serving?

  9. Wow KR, you really are a rare character in our Feminist era. You are inspiring, in that you are able to be like the holy women of old, here today in our self-serving and adulterous generation. Some who are last shall be first in the life to come. Your choice to willingly put yourself last for Christ, will surely not be unrewarded. Take courage and keep up your faithful walk with God.

  10. I’m betting that, by putting yourself last as you do, you are more important, loved, and valued in the eyes of your husband and children than you can possibly imagine, to say nothing of your value to the Lord by being an example to others of His love.

    God bless you!

  11. Self-esteem is neither here nor there.
    * Think too highly of yourself?
    * Think too little of yourself?
    The issue is the same: you’re thinking of yourself.

    Couple verses on this sort of topic:
    Less of ‘me’, more of ‘Christ-in-me’- Jn 3:30
    Feelings cannot be trusted- 2 Co 10:5
    My life is not my own- 1 Co 6:20
    Whoever ‘finds themselves’ has lost Christ- Mt 16:25
    Greatest love is ultimate service to others- Jn 15:13

  12. Our example, Jesus, gave and gave and gave until he ended up on a Cross. That life of complete sacrifice for others is, in fact, the very life we are called to live. Remember, your reward is not on earth. It is in heaven. If people abuse your good gift, that’s on them, but you reap the benefit of hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your lord.” But Paul tells us to “count it all joy” when we are abused and persecuted.

    Take care of yourself, certainly. And get the rest that you need. But your kind of medical problems don’t stem from serving others; they are more of a physical impairment. Hopefully, you found a way to balance that with a life of sacrifice and service to others in the Body of Christ and in your home family.

    But never measure your self worth by how others treat you. Measure your success by how you please the Lord, and look forward to his rewarding your good service.

  13. Paul’s admonishments for wives are for wives. For the unmarried, he says, “He that is unmarried is concerned for the things of the God, how he may please the Lord…” And the unmarried women are very similarly described:
    “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit;”.

    If you have no husband, you are free to serve the Lord undistracted, just as unmarried men are. It changes only in marriage. It is wives who have to tend to their husbands. And husbands who have to care for wives.

  14. low self esteem is really a form of pride because it is concern with the self and like pride, it comes from a place of insecurity usually, rather than having your identity in the fact that you are a redeemed child of God and He loves you dearly. excessive shame or shyness is linked to this too. Hold your head up high, you are a child of God, of equal value to everyone around you….

  15. Very true. However, when you deal with someone who has been battered and abused as a child, and then ends up a very needy spouse, simply telling them this isn’t going to help them…people in this position usually require long term therapy in order to build some trust with others. They would be startled to hear that they are prideful. They don’t even know what that means. They just know they are hungry and empty and often desperate because they so crave love. They are often crying desperately to God because they are in pain, begging Him to let the chalice pass away.

    Often telling them they are prideful and admonishing them with Scripture has the opposite effect — the effect of sending the message that God doesn’t care for them either, which is untrue, but telling that to a vulnerable teenager can have the effect of them snowballing into a depression. They haven’t the cognitive maturity to intellectually absorb that.

    Often, adults who are still starved in this way remain cognitively immature and can’t find a way out. The ones who do are extraordinary. Case in point is Gianna Jessen, noted abortion survivor, pro-life speaker and singer. She has an incredible testimony. When I found her speeches, I was hooked! I can relate to so much. I am not an abortion survivor, I do not have cerebral palsy, and I am not adopted. But neither of us got what we needed from our families, especially our Dads, and neither of us were wanted (or made to feel wanted). I had to laugh at one of the things she said, something like this, not an exact quote: “When I was 21, I wanted to be married, but instead I went to therapy. God had mercy on some man!” And she described further about some of the men she had known, and how needy she had been. She helped me to be grateful for all I had — I can walk and nobody tried to abort me. And if she can navigate life with all the challenges she faces, well, by golly, so can I! I like to listen to her talks when I’m cleaning or at the sewing machine. My kids think I overdo it, but I dragged them downtown to listen to her one time when she came into town, and they got to meet her personally. I think they got it then about why I liked her so much.

  16. Hi

    My husband would NEVER, EVER, let me work myself into the exhausted state some women are talking about. I used to do it on the farm land we had, & he would get so furious when he got home, he would stuff me in bed to take a long nap. When he is sick, he demands I stay away from him & now keep the baby away, He actually will sleep on the floor in a different room, I just stuff water, soup, ice packs his way, if he has a fever.

    Black & purple are my favorite colors to wear:(

    Do you people wear wedding bands?

    My hubby got me a really nice set, when im in town it helps a lot to keep, unwanted men away. Of course not all, & I dressed proper. If im in line & a women are horrible about talking down about single mothers, they make assumptions that a women by herself with a baby is single, I guess they forget that the hubby is at work. as soon as a put my hand on the buggy by baby showing my rings, they conveniently turn nice.

    God Bless

  17. My husband is the most precious, loving man I have ever known. I tell him all the time that he should mentor men on how to be loving husbands. He does not want to. He says that he is the kind of husband he is because of the woman he married. He and I both made past relationship mistakes, and we do not take each other for granted. We had both previously been completely devastated by previous relationships, and neither of us ever thought we would ever date again, or especially get married.

    My heart grieves for the women who are not loved and cherished by their husbands. I swore I would never get married because I didn’t think it was possible to find a man like my husband. It is so easy to serve a good man. It is so easy to love a good man. It is so easy to respect a good man. When a woman knows she is loved by the man she loves, she will stop at nothing to please him. Her joy is overwhelming. Every little thing I do for my husband I do because he is a gift to me that should be cherished and loved. He is my most precious blessing, and should spend all of his days feeling loved and appreciated. I would go through every heartbreak I ever experience all over again if I knew it would all lead me to a life with this man.

  18. You are right, l have felt that too. Never thankfully got to the point of having to go to A and E , but am on medication for my thyroid. We need to take care of ourselves , we are human , not machines and can only do so much. Hope you are OK and taking care of yourself
    Best wishes from the other side of the pond

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