The Time I Was Never Nearly Raped

The Time I Was Never Nearly Raped

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Amazon allows anyone to write a review of a book without purchasing it, so I am receiving a number of one star reviews from trolls who haven’t read my book but are on a crusade to discredit it. I mostly ignore the trolls, and my sister warned me to not read their reviews. (She just finished my book and loved it!) No one likes being continually insulted and slandered, however, but when I read Paul’s persecution my woes cannot compare. God is never surprised, especially by opposition.“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” (2 Corinthians 4:16, 17)

There is one review (yes, I peeked), however, that I want to respond to since it is so far from reality. (I have no idea how they know about this incident in my book since they were not listed as a “verified purchase” on Amazon but somehow trolls will stop at nothing to find out any possible dirt in the lives of those they hate in order to destroy, just as the enemy of our soul does.) “Lastly, her description of the near-rape horrified me and I am terribly sorry that she had to go through that. But I heard absolutely nothing about whether or not she went straight to her parents, his parents, the principal of the school, and the police, who should all have been IMMEDIATELY informed. In doing so, you not only protect others, but you might also save the poor guy from a life behind bars. She says nothing about the aftermath of this, and I believe that is crucial to her credibility. I am waiting to hear about what happened here… I am hoping she will clarify this.”

So let me clarify this for her as I was hardly “near-raped,”and there was nothing to report to anyone. The summer before I turned sixteen, I was going to the beach often with a group of high school friends. One of the boys in the group was good-looking and I had a crush on him. My mom would not let me date until sixteen, so on my sixteenth birthday he asked me out and of course, I was excited to go. He took me to the drive-in theater where, for you who are too young to know, we watched movies from the comfort of our car.

As the movie began, we snuggled up together and soon after, he began to kiss me. The next thing I knew he slowly push me over on my back, my feet still firmly planted on the floor of the car, and immediately I knew this was not something I wanted or was enjoying. I said to him, “I don’t want to do this. Please take me home now.” He immediately pulled himself up, started the car, and angrily drove me home. That’s it. No attempt to feel me, no trying to undress me, just a bit too frisky and aggressive for this young and inexperienced teenager. I felt no fear, but certainly was disappointed that this guy who I had liked had a bigger interest in making out than he did in enjoying the evening with me. (I had a lot to learn about guys!) We never dated again.

So I appreciate the insincere troll’s comment trying to make a big to-do about nothing as it gives me the opportunity to not only set the record straight but to give my views on this important matter. To say this is near-rape is not only maliciously wrong, but it minimizes all the women who are truly raped or “nearly raped.” Imagine if every woman who had a man make an unwanted  sexual advance to them simply said, “I don’t want to do this. Please take me home now,” and the man’s response was to start the car and take her home. Is this not proper dating etiquette or has feminism taken us so far that we are to have all men everywhere ask permission before making any affectionate advances?

“Hey, Lori, do you mind if I kiss you now?

“I like the feel of your warmth on my shoulder, can we hug now?”

If you have grown up in highly-sexualized America without any godly parental teaching, you understand that many guys will try to go as far as they can with the women they date. Unless we want to legislate all physical relationships in dating, we have to recognize that worldly “love” has a sexual component to it. Do we really expect every young woman who finds herself in my situation to have her mom call the high school principal each time a guy tried to make out with her?

“Hi, Principal Smith, this is Mrs. Falk and my daughter went out on another date this week with one of your students who stepped over the bounds of being a gentleman by pushing himself on top of her. I know this is my sixth report this year, but just because my daughter is a cheerleader does not mean these guys should be trying to take advantage of her. Are you talking to their parents?”

“I am so sorry to hear this, Mrs. Falk, but you can call his parents directly and discuss this with them. Is this something the police should be involved with?  

“Oh, no. Once Lori told him to stop and take her home, he stopped and took her home.”

“Well, maybe you should encourage your daughter not to date, or to make clear to her dates exactly what is and is not acceptable to her before the date starts.”

If this was a Christian high school, I might see it but really, a public school with a thousand hot-blooded testosterone filled teenager guys? This would be impossible for any school to police. My mom grew up before the 60s sexual revolution but she still understood young men and their sexual attraction to females. That’s what young guys and girls do unless they are taught otherwise.

Anyone who reads what I write knows that we taught our children to not go out on single dates until they were eighteen years old, and even then encouraged them to only single date the godly ones they thought were potentially marriage material. They knew all about modesty and keeping the marriage bed pure which includes before marriage. I was not brought up with this stronger coaching, so I had to say “No” to most of the guys I dated.

We have just as big a problem today it seems with female teasing and promiscuity leading guys on. Guys still need to stop when told “No” but young women who claim to be Christians must stop wearing the skimpy thong bathing suits in front of the young men or a bra-less dress or shirt that the guys can look right down into and see everything, then wonder why the guys are making unwanted sexual advances. Entrapment is illegal for police and it should be illegal for women too. To believe that men must just control themselves no matter how a woman dresses or acts is just plain wrong. Did I lead some of my dates on by my skimpy cheerleading outfits, short shorts, and flirting? I am sure I did, but thank God the guys I dated still had the moral fiber to respect a woman when she said, “Okay, that is enough.” For godly young adults, it is far better to group date and stay away from any dating just to date. Instead, only single date those who are marriage material and godly, and if they make unwanted sexual advances, maybe you need to reconsider if this is the one for you.

My near-rape experience is a figment of a troll’s imagination, but it points out a huge issue in today’s world. Our world has much real sexual abuse, and no sex before marriage is defensible. But it does a huge disservice to society to create sexual abuse in places it does not exist. Let’s be protective, but let’s not try to change the world into one that takes the minor and blows it up into something it is not. Practicing sin is the condition of the unredeemed heart and that condition will only change when Jesus enters the heart and makes it brand new. We as believers live in this world, so let’s be careful and cautious, not be naive to the world’s ways. Don’t be swayed when it comes to insincere trolls who violate their own values to try to deceive others just because they dislike what the church has taught for the last 20 centuries until now, the “New Age of Women” which is not godly at all.

25 thoughts on “The Time I Was Never Nearly Raped

  1. I normally agree with you, and I do agree about this troll’s remarks trivializing the experiences of rape victims. That said, and with all due respect I took issue with this post a couple of times.

    1. Your post makes it sound like it’s unreasonable to expect someone to ask “would you mind if we went a bit further,” but it really isn’t. The fact is that touching someone without their consent *is assault.* It certainly isn’t rape, and to try to compare it with rape like that woman did diminishes the meaning of the word. But it is assault nonetheless, and expecting people to not assault you, even hormonally charged young men, should pretty much be the norm, shouldn’t it?

    2. “Entrapment is illegal for police and it should be illegal for women too.” Wait, what? I’m tired and ill so I could easily be misunderstanding you, but does this mean you want the government dictating what kind of clothes women should wear? That’s a dangerous amount of power for any institution to have, but especially one so blatantly corrupt.

    Like I said before I’ve been reading the blog for years and I normally think your posts are spot on, but I did disagree a bit this time. Sorry if I offended at all explaining why.

    1. Thanks Taylor,

      I will try to tackle your questions and appreciate the opportunity to clarify things if there is any confusion. As you know I am one who believes in “courting” and very little touch between the sexes, before getting engaged, and hand holding and a kiss good night perhaps during the engagement period. My point was not to condone any physical touch apart from these things. This would obviously be best for our super-charged young adults to have clear boundaries, but I am also unrealistic to know that most Christians are not on this same page with me.

      Back in the days I dated, and I assume it goes on today, a girl and guy who liked each other went out on a date and often times ended up on a walk in the park or at the beach. Depending on what vibes the girl was giving off, laughing, smiling, flirting, the guy would reach over and take the girls hand so they could hold hands. By your definition, the gentlemen just committed “assault.” Two faces laughing ten inches apart often finds one going in for the kiss. If the kiss happens and it is unwanted, the one pulls away, but this is not assault.

      The definition of assault needs to be at least narrowed down to an “inappropriate or demanding touch.” Even an unwanted touch is not assault if the intent of the one touching was innocent. Guys and girls touch each other often in flirting and dating, and only if the date is touching in an inappropriate place, or has been told “No” please don’t touch me could it be construed as assault.

      If a young woman has expectations that the young man is not to “touch her” in any way, she should make that expectation clear and few boys or men would understand that you have no interest in having them hold your hand, or grab your arm to help you out of the car, or move in for a kiss if you leave your face a couple inches from his when he gets close. It would be a good thing to clarify expectations early, and our children often told their dates that they don’t make out and were saving themselves for marriage, very early in the relationship.

      I gave no hint that I wanted the government to legally curtail how women dress. My point, I think is clear, that just as law enforcement has a responsibility not to lead a criminal into criminal activity, so too a young lady needs to not show up on her date inappropriately dressed. Such sexual dressing may send unintended signals to the guys that she is looking for something she is not. Each one on a date has to own their stuff and be responsible to be a lady, or a gentlemen. But as you can see from the current state of dating in our country, too often neither is willing to do so, especially when alcohol gets involved. We must teach that “no” means “no” to our children, and at the same time ask them to value others, especially their future spouse when out on the dating scene.

  2. Very good post, Lori. Christian parents teaching their teens to dress modestly and act respectable should be a priority. I wish my parents had done that instead of having a “birds and bees” talk. It would have prevented a lot of distress for them and myself during those years. I thought being a teen in the early 70’s was tough, I cant imagine what it is like today.

    1. It was terrible, Charles, because our parents had grown up in a completely different generation than our own and had no idea what their teenage children were having to face on a daily basis with the immodesty, watching couples make out on campus, smoking in the bathrooms, and “parties” that were not parties at all but more like Sodom and Gomorrah.

      Ken and I understood what our children would face so we were honest, open, and clear with them as they were growing up for their protection.

  3. To add on to Taylor’s comment, I also was troubled by Lori’s comment ” Is this not proper dating etiquette or has feminism taken us so far that we are to have all men everywhere ask permission before making any affectionate or sexual advances?” I think there is nothing wrong with men, especially while dating, to ask permission, especially with sexual advances. A person on a date does not own or have a right to the other person’s body, so why wouldn’t asking permission be the Christian thing to do?

    1. I should have left out the sexual advances as my expectations would be to never have a sexual advance in dating, Colby, so I am all for men and women clarifying their intentions in this area before moving from simple hand holding and a kiss good night. I have taken that out of the post.

      But living in a real world, I cannot have my way, or God’s way of dating, so we have to understand the expectations of the young men and women and speak to those. Most young women, unfortunately, are far too open to the sexual advances of the guys they like, and in the worldly dating scene, any young lady who is not interested in a young man’s advances should kindly set her boundaries up, perhaps even before going on the date. Clarity in expectations is vital to any relationship, so let’s be clear with the confused guys who get so many of the wrong signals from women.

      I took out the first part of your comment because I didn’t want to get into it. It was a red herring and not applicable to this post.

  4. I love that my Beloved asked me if he could kiss me before he did, he is such a Gentleman. Not once did he ever behave in an unGodly way i love that about him he has never asked me to do anything that would leave me feeling unworthy of love or uncomfortable in my role as a wife or woman. I thank God daily for my Hubby, he is a big blessing. ???

  5. Lori, I see that you try to mentor women. But why is it that when I ask you a question regarding women and pants you don’t answer? I know this is your blog and you can choose what to discuss but being a Titus 2 women like many claim you are, if a simple question is being asked, not with strife why doesn’t it get answered? Are you not comfortable discussing the topic? Do you have any post regarding pants? I asked you this question three times and it has not got answered. If your going to teach against feminist then you can start by the discussing of pants..

    1. I delete comments every single day, another, and with a name like another I question if you really care or are just another troll. This is my blog and I have the privilege of deciding what comments I post and which ones I don’t.

      I have no problem with women wearing pants and I have no idea what this has to do with feminism. Women were wearing pants before feminism.

      Some commenters told me I wouldn’t have the freedom to write and mentor women if it were not for feminism. This is false. Women were not slaves and treated horribly before feminism. They were still highly respected because this once great nation was founded upon biblical principles and it is the Lord who gave women value. Feminism devalues women and the beautiful order and roles God has given them.

  6. Calling someone touching you without your consent assault is hysterical. This type of thinking is why women having their uterus removed is called a hysterectomy. THIS is what gives women a bad name. It is unreasonable for you to put expectations on a fellow and both 1) not explicitly tell him AND 2) not put yourself in the situation for things not to happen in the first place. What Lori described was not “nearly rape” nor “an assault”. No police would arrest a boy for that nor would a judge condemn him to any type of sentence but might advise him to date smarter less hysterical women who don’t call things what they are not.

    1. Quite honestly, women who call this type of thing assault are the scary ones. I hope you lay your expectations out with everyone right away so that I know for my family to avoid you at all costs. You might take offense at my 4 year old son hugging you or my husband giving you a side hug without your explicit permission and making trouble for us. I’ve seen this happen before and I don’t want to have anything to do with women who make mountains out of molehills.

  7. Interesting Lori, it’s amazing to me (much in the way it is for your editor probably) how awful these trolls are in slandering you. I’ve read about cases where it was possible for lawyers to find out who these people are, and go after them with a lawsuit. I’ve even heard of public figures being able to get the troll fired from their job for their “extracurricular activities,” and expose them to their community. It sounds harsh, but it’s actually good and needed for them to stop living a double life where they try to ruin innocent people’s reputations online secretly, while being the nice, Christian, homeschooling mom with 6 kids that teaches at women at church at the same time.

    If these women’s husbands, children, and family, in-laws, employers, church members, pastors knew what they were doing with their free-time, it would bring down good consequences on them that may help them change in the longrun. God disciplines those He loves, and sometimes that comes in the form of earthly judgment/consequences for their sin.

    If it gets worse, you may want to contact a good lawyer. I know one of your review trolls I actually recognized – she has commented before around the internet and is a professing devout Christian woman. She’s emailed me before using her real name, from which I was able to find all online her address, church, pastor, and even photos of her white van and house!! Nutty and scary that they believe they’re so anonymous, but leave all this info out while they go around lashing out at others!

    Anyway, I wonder when it truly becomes “libel” instead of just “slander?” You may want to look into it if it gets worse.

  8. The reviewer I recognized due to her internet footprint, is “Mary Ann” (not her real name). If you need her real information and would like to report her as an official internet troll committing libel I can email you all her information.

    God was never against this kind of justice, in fact He frequently warns His people to be aware that they will have earthly consequences for mocking and insulting and especially slandering others. The Bible says I think in a few places that what is done in secret will always come to the light (much to the perpetrator’s misery and demise!). What someone intends to be hidden will come back to haunt them.

  9. Oh my I just saw that this same person “Mary Ann” is continuing to slander you in the reviews and reference this post! How does she have so much free time on her hands with 6 home-schooled children I have no idea!? Seriously Lori, this woman that’s slandering and attacking you and possibly making up more fake names to review your book (I’ve counted 3 that I’ve seen she goes by currently), while her SIX children are missing her attention. Wow!

    She’s threatened and attacked me on my blog as well, to which I reminded her that I have all her information and am not against exposing her to her community. She left me alone after that.

  10. “Guys still need to stop when told “No” but young women who claim to be Christians must stop wearing the skimpy thong bathing suits in front of the young men or a bra-less dress or shirt that the guys can look right down into and see everything, then wonder why the guys are making unwanted sexual advances.”
    Amen! Feminists would like women to believe that they can dress and act however they want and then if a man tries to take them up on what they are offering to the whole world he is somehow a villain. Rape is wrong and there is no justification or excuse that can make it right, but defrauding is also wrong, and there is no justification or excuse that can make that right either.

  11. I have to say Lori, that I find this thread very uncomfortable and frankly, vindictive and ungodly:

    Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:9

    This, I believe, should have been your response to Stephanie’s offer rather than a request for this woman’s personal information. I will leave aside for now what I think about the fact that Stephanie investigated her in the first place.

    If you truly believe you are being targeted for the sake of the gospel, there is NOTHING in Scripture that justifies going after a fellow believer who disagrees with you to attempt to ruin her life or her reputation in her community.

    I was planning on buying your book, but since I review the books I read on my blog, I am seriously reconsidering the purchase. What happens if I write that I disagree with some part of your book? I have to worry about being sued or doxxed?

    Not only is this targeting of those who offer public disagree ungodly, it’s un-American. A person with a different point of view should have as much right to speak freely as you do.

    1. Terry,

      For one thing, I never said I was going after anybody, did I? These are my words, “Can you email me her name, Stephanie? I sure would appreciate it! Oh, and thank you for your comment and support.” I am thinking about calling her and trying to talk with her since she has been harassing me for many years and enjoys slandering me on Amazon and any chance she gets but we would never sue anyone. We never have and never will. I know they hate the Lord and not me. It’s a spiritual battle and I have written that I leave it in the Lord’s capable hands.

      Blessings!

      1. It is not just a “different opinion,” that this woman was offering up. It’s fine to write a negative review.

        This woman (and others may be as well due to their comments around the web), seemed to be plotting against you Lori, literally planning out what they’d say to slander your character. It was intentional malicious libel and harassment.
        There’s proof enough for an attorney of these women’s comments around the web that they pre-meditated on these things against you and your book, hoping that they could actually cause your editor to pull it from being published. That’s pretty criminal if you ask me.

      2. And as to me looking up who this woman was that was harassing and threatening me on my blog for being Protestant, there is nothing illegal about searching that free information out when it’s available all online. She emailed me using her real name – it was freely given to me. It is not the same as doxxing someone, I’m perfectly within my rights to know who harasses or threatens me or my family for our beliefs. WordPress provides the IP address of EVERYONE who comments on a blog, that IP address gives that person’s personal information to the blog owner, even right down to the Zip Code they live in, and coordinates on the map. That is what happens when you comment on a wordpress blog. If your lawyer could make a case of harassment due to what was said, they can possibly get the house information, phone number, real names, etc. from the internet servicing company due to having that IP Address. Simply put: just because you think you’re anonymous online, you still can’t commit crime and get away with it.

        Christians who bring justice are not somehow “unChristian.” Maybe it’s because we’re a police family, we don’t take harassment or libel lightly. And faith wise, I don’t think it’s good to allow people to get away with crimes… that’s not wanting what’s best for them. We don’t allow physical crimes to go unpunished, police officers are called God’s ministers in Romans for a reason. So why on earth would cyber crimes be any different?

  12. Lori (and Stephanie,) I really encourage you not to engage in gossip, bullying, doxing, or exposing any trolls. We represent Jesus Christ and a whole lot of people are watching you.

    Far too many women (and men) have been harmed by this kind of backstabbing, self righteous, vengeful behavior. I have been harmed by it coming from women who call themselves Christians, but worse, other people watch and now believe this kind of behavior is representative of Christian women in general. We are to be gracious, forgiving,and not retaliate,and certainly not to gossip about people and their white vans.

  13. “there is nothing illegal about searching that free information out when it’s available all online.”

    I didn’t mention illegalities, but morality and Christian ethics. Bottom line is that while you might choose to blog publicly, that is your right and choice.

    If someone else chooses to blog semi-anonymously, it’s our position to respect their right and choice unless there is a real and present threat being posed towards us or our families.

    Only you know for sure whether that is the case, but as one having received a fair share of nasty, vitriolic commentary thrown my way (complete with someone identifying my general location and insinuating that they could easily find me out), there are very few cases of truly threatening behavior.

    Especially from an overwhelmed and frantic homeschool mother.

    Thanks for your indulgence Lori. I am done now. I just though it important that we step back -as Christians- and reconsider the motivations behind the things we allow ourselves to entertain as a result of virtual disputes.

    1. Stephanie has been threatened. I have been threatened also but I don’t have children in the home. It’s a lot more frightening for mothers with children in the home. I love how the Lord comforts and encourages me daily in His Word. Today I read this: “And in NOTHING terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God.” (Philippians 1:28) I had to stop and praise the Lord! He is so good to me and to all who believe.

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