Was the Headship of Men Over Their Wives Inbuilt in Creation?

Was the Headship of Men Over Their Wives Inbuilt in Creation?

Recently, I read “A Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanuken. Sheldon was a pagan and married a pagan wife. Their goal was to be deeply in love always and do anything it took to stay this way including not having children. They believed life was about love and beauty, so they went about living their lives seeking this.

They met some Christians who they became very close to and realized that these Christians were the happiest and kindest people they have ever met. They eventually became strong believers, yet Sheldon’s wife, Davy, died in her thirties from a strange illness that ate away her liver. Here is one insight he had about their marriage after her death.

“One insight from the past, which I might have closed my mind to but for Christianity, was not quite so shocking as it would have been if Davy in that last year or so had not seemed increasingly to accept St. Paul’s dictum on the relationship of husband and wife: that the man is head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church. Although we should fiercely have denied it, except perhaps for Davy in that last year, I saw that I had exercised a sort of headship – in the sense of the initiatory or leadership role – that was accepted, even desired, by Davy without either of us being aware of it. It had been loving and gentle, all decisions were discussed, there was never a hint of command, and yet, despite mutual tenderness and deference, it was, I now saw, there: that veiled and loving headship.

“We had eschewed husbandly authority from the first, Davy was combative and intelligent, we believed everything a modern feminist would have urged: yet something of headship had all along been there. Having known one woman deeply, having myself made every effort to see with a woman’s eyes, I could now believe that my subtle headship or Davy’s acceptance of it was merely conditioning. Now I wrote to her about it, wondering without decision whether, despite all feminist denial, such a relationship were not inbuilt in the creation and effectively denied – which, after all, we, loving deeply, had not been able to do – only at heavy cost of love.”

Was the headship of a husband over his husband inbuilt in the Creation? Children know their fathers are the head of the family even if their wives don’t acknowledge this. How do I know? If a child has a godly father, the chances of the children growing up to be believers is extremely high. If a child has a godly mother only, the chances of the children growing up to be believers is low.

Children can see that their fathers are generally bigger, stronger, and with louder, deeper voices than their mothers. This is inbuilt from Creation. Yes, women will effectively deny all of this because they have been taught that authority by their husbands is oppression, yet they trot off to work each day to be under authority of their bosses, and they obey the speed limit since they are under the authority of the government, yet forget being under the authority of the one they chose to love all of their days.

Satan convinced Eve that authority to God was evil, and he went to her instead of to Adam for a good reason. This is how he was able to deceive her and have her eat the forbidden fruit. Satan is actively convincing women that submission to their husbands is evil, yet many willingly submit to his wicked agenda of feminism and the destruction of the marriage and family. He fights against everything that God tells us is good and right.

Yes, the headship of husbands over their wives was inbuilt from Creation since the purpose for God creating Eve was to be a help meet to her husband. This is God-ordained and it is good. For those who want to argue that being a helpmeet didn’t mean that Adam was in authority, oh yes, it did. In 1 Timothy 2:13, was are told that one of the reasons that women are not to usurp authority over men nor teach them was because Adam was created first. God made him first and had Adam name all of the animals.

But God saw that it wasn’t good for him to be alone so he made a help meet for him out of his rib. Adam was in authority over her, and this is why women are to “learn in silence with all subjection” (1 Timothy 2:11) in the churches. It hearkens all the way back to Creation and has nothing to do with cultural norms. Even Jesus submitted to God the Father. Authority is good, women! Don’t allow anyone to tell you anything differently. Without leaders and people in authority, there is chaos.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23

12 thoughts on “Was the Headship of Men Over Their Wives Inbuilt in Creation?

  1. What an interesting read! I have never thought of this much but I suppose in most successful marriages, some form of headship of a man is always present, even if the woman denies it. I guess it’s just in our nature as women to want to be loved and protected, so we seek out men that give us this feeling and we act accordingly. So interesting!

    You mention children are more likely to grow up to be believers if they have a godly father and not so much if they only have a godly mother. I was wondering if you know of research or an article that discusses that, I’d love to read up on this topic more!

  2. Amen! Headship was created before the fall. Adam was created first and given dominion. Eve was created from him for him. He named her and all the animals. The fall just made submission hard which it was never created to be. Eve’s number one purpose was to come under Adam’s authority and help him in any way he needed. To submit to him and obey in everything. She was deceived by Satan which is another reason Man is to be in authority because women by nature are more easily deceived. So yeah the fall didn’t bring upon headship and submission it just made something that was suppose to be easy and natural harder.

  3. Even creation knows the man’s headship.

    Many years ago I dated a woman who had a dog.
    When the woman ordered the dog to do something, the dog would look at me to see if I said for it to do as ordered.
    Even the dog knew who was in the headship.
    Needless to say, the woman could not accept the fact that the man was the headship and even her dog knew that and the relationship ended.

    An update, even many years later she refuses to have “a man tell her what to do”
    She is 55yr old, still single, unhappy, and lonely from what I hear.
    But at least no man is “bossing her around”

  4. I realize now that only when you completely submit
    and surrender to what God wants you to do is when you experience total freedom. If you don’t surrender then you are always going to have a burden upon your back, the burden of sin. Now I’m not saying that if you do surrender all the sin of your life will be gone and you’ll be holy. No, not at all.
    But what does happen is that your sin will be forgiven, your life in Jesus will feel more joyful and God is able to pull that burden of your back. People argue that when you accept Jesus as your Savior all of your sin doesn’t matter because He washed them white as snow. That may be true but if you are hiding things from other people you need to get up front with them and confess it. It may be hard and Jesus will give you strength to do so but He doesn’t get rid of the secret. (Words spoken from experience)

  5. Another thing.
    This is something that is running through my head of late.
    Wordly “freedom” = eternal death

    freedom in God= Eternal life

  6. Yes, the same with provide, the curse wasn’t to provide but the hard it will be. Sadly now they said to woman that since Christ died for us we are no longer to be under submission because that was the curse. Today I read that a psiquatric said that woman weren’t created to spend all day with a newborn and sadly woman believe this.

  7. For me what always sticks out in the fall account is Satan using a little bit of truth and a little bit of lie. He first creates doubt, “did God really say?” Which then creates a sense that God can’t be trusted and is withholding something good, “the woman saw that the tree was pleasant to the eye.” Then a little bit of truth, “your eyes will be opened knowing good and evil.” Then a little bit of lie, “you shall not die, you shall be as gods.” Unfortunately, Eve trusted the serpent more than God or Adam.

    As I type this out I can see a deception that I am currently believing in my own life. It has been mixed with a little bit of truth and a little bit of lie. And I just realized that I am holding fast to the lie while letting the truth that could greatly impact my own life and my marriage slip through the cracks.

    Thank you for this message today. I needed to hear it.

    1. Great point. I think all evil is “a little truth, hiding a big lie”

      All you have to do is read ANY article in the popular media, or ANY comment on Twitter. The American people have become addicted to the power of the “big lie.” Every day, all day, their every spoken word and every interaction is lies, lies, lies, yet written so cleverly to appear as truth.

  8. What a lovely story! It sounds like that husband was a great leader. Headship has never been about issuing orders and authoritarian rules like feminists say, but it’s veiled and loving, just like that husband said. Exactly the way God planned it.

  9. What a mess we would all be in if Jesus hadn’t submitted to His head- God, and paid the price so that we could have eternal life! Jesus is the perfect example of submission! Submission to my Godly earthly husband is “nothing” in comparison 🥰

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