What He Asked Her on Their First Date

What He Asked Her on Their First Date

It seems that most couples who are dating, don’t delve in deeply what they expect in marriage. This is why many women bemoan the fact that their husbands don’t want them to be keepers home, but it is a wise man and woman who asks deep and important questions before getting emotionally involved with someone they want to marry. Here is a comment by a woman in the chat room and what her husband asked her on their first date. How would you have answered these questions?

My husband took me to a wonderful restaurant. After we ordered our meal he asked me…

Are you willing to uphold the teachings of the church and teach our children those teachings?

Will you never use birth control and allow God to bless us with as many/few children as HE sees fit?

 Are you willing to stay home and raise children and not have a career ( I was in college at the time)?

 Are you willing to homeschool our children?

Do you believe in dressing in the appropriate gender clothing?

 What do you think is the ideal hierarchy of the household?

What is your view on intimacy before marriage?

What is your view on divorce?

He ended that conversation with, “I don’t want to date. I am looking for someone to marry. If that is not a goal of yours, please let me know so we can spare one another feelings and time.

After that, we ate our meal and conversed about more light-hearted things (goals, favorite this and that).

I am so happy that he did not beat around the bush and asked these things upfront. Some might find this overwhelming but I found it refreshing!

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

37 thoughts on “What He Asked Her on Their First Date

  1. Amen have to be intentional. Too many people waste time and play around. Be serious and intentional. I like this.

  2. What a lovely story! As a 22 year old woman who wants nothing more than to find a responsible, mature, and godly man to provide for me and our future children that sounds like a dream come true. I absolutely hate the advise I get to “be a modern woman, just ask a guy out it doesn’t matter if you break up later on” Absolutely not, I don’t want to date to have fun I want to date to marry and how inappropriate of me to ask a man out. A godly woman should never make a man uncomfortable like that, and if a man is not confident enough to initiate a relationship, than he will never be comfortable in his role as the head of the household and he will not make a good father. As for the questions, I absolutely plan to uphold the teaching of the church and will happily teach it to my children. I plan on never using birth control and will be happy with however many children I’m blessed with and I could not be with a man who didn’t want me to stay at home to keep the house and homeschool the children. Intimacy before marriage is a sin and I have proudly remained pure for my future husband.

  3. I entered into a dating relationship with my now-husband with a list of 150+ questions to discuss! It ranged from spiritual beliefs, respect/submission, finances, and communication to preferences like which way the toilet paper should go! It allowed us to go into marriage knowing the other’s expectations and to have an initial framework when someone changed their mind down the road. Definitely worth it.

  4. That is awesome, I’m a huge believer of discussing everything before marriage. Be intentional.

  5. While I would not have had the same questions, I think this really hits a key point; people date with no intention of seeking a spouse. I am encouraged that one of my kids did not start dating until he and the young lady decided it would be with the intention of pursuing marriage. Also, the first question I ask my kids when they say they are going to date is whether he or she a Christian.

  6. My wife gets a kick out of the TP question. After serving many years in the military, I became set on the direction, to the point where I would take it off the holder and fix it. Grin.

  7. This is a very mature approach to dating. She mentioned she was in college. Was there further discussion on that topic or the other topics on his list? And now that they’re married, how closely did they adhere to his list?

  8. How much should a “connection” factor into this? Let’s say they agree on every single one of those points, both are looking for a spouse, but don’t feel that “spark” or “click” or “connection” even after a few dates. Should they still marry, or move on?

  9. When my husband called me for the first time I said, “If you aren’t looking for a wife to stay home and raise your children, then there is no reason for us to even go out.”

    He was quite surprised, paused, and then said, “Yes, I’m looking for that.” He later told me I was the first woman to express wanting children and to be at home; most women he didn’t see twice because they stated the opposite on the first date.

    A few months later we went through a premarriage book full of questions to help ensure we were on the same page and wouldn’t be met in marriage with disappointed expectations.

    We dated 8 months, were engaged on Christmas and married within five months.

    I don’t understand couples that call each other fiance for years and never get married. Living together is a counterfeit marriage, and they miss many blessings from God, and from others, because no one expects their uncommitted relationship to stay together (including one or both of them it seems). It reminds me of that book, “He’s just not that into you.” It’s very sad because two people are being tied to each other instead of being released to find their true spouse.

  10. Wow! Refreshing indeed! I would have been thinking he could go ahead and propose, lol. My daughter said the same thing.

    I love the conversations I have with my kids after some of these posts. This kind of post encourages young men to act like this. We believe in a more courtship model, which would by necessity ask these questions ahead of time, but it’s so refreshing to see others who would call it dating doing the same thing. I believe young people are tired of the games and broken hearts.

  11. My wife and I did the same exact thing. We’re two years married and expecting our first born in August.

  12. Can a woman ask these questions on a first date also? I have daughters who are starting to date.

  13. Our first date was a Bible study and we spoke of the “tough” questions although some like birth control we didn’t learn about until years later.

  14. While I disagree with you about nearly everything, it’s nice to go into a marriage knowing what to expect, rather than rushing in to quickly.

  15. “I don’t want to date to have fun I want to date to marry”

    That’s not dating. That’s courting. And that’s how it should be done.

  16. I actually don’t have Facebook, I have Tumblr, my main blog is a secular one but I have a side blog that is dedicated to biblical womanhood and homemaking, if that is an option for you?

  17. I do think A “spark” or some mutual physical attraction is important. You’re not interviewing a potential employee on a date and marriage is a loooooong time. If you don’t have some physical attraction it’s going to be a mighty long and possibly dismal road in the intimacy department.
    I would suggest a woman ask the following questions on the first date:
    Do you intent to be an adequate financial supporter?
    Do you believe porn is ok and do you indulge in it?
    Do you drink alcohol and if so, how much?
    Do you use recreational drugs or abuse prescription drugs?
    What’s your opinion on gambling?
    Do you follow a Biblical doctrine and support Biblical gender roles (wife at home raising children, etc).
    Have you ever been physical abusive to a woman?
    What is your relationship with your mother like?

    Women have just as much responsibility and right to know that any potential mate meets their criteria as well.

  18. I’m new to your email family and just recently visited your website. As a read comment after comments from modern-day women discredited your beliefs, I naturally expected the same with this post. Surely, a feminist will call this man malechovanistic. Yet, at age 50, I wish my mother would have taught me feminine womanhood and being a helpmeet. It might be too late for me, but please stay encouraged for the younger generation. While a godly man must sift out whom he does or does not want for a wife, with your teachings a godly man has a guide wether he agrees or disagrees. Your teachings also serves as a guide for the single ladies regardless if they prefer to be traditional or modern.

  19. I have heard men ask this questions several times and each time it was a matter of physical attraction. God promises that He makes everything beautiful in its time. Thus, if her clothing are the issue, why not purchase a dress that is to your liking and see if she would wear it for you. Or perhaps you can suggest a new hairstyle? Or gift her with a manicure? But first search your heart that your are not in competition with your brothers to have a “trophy wife”, because this is simply unfair to the lady. And be forewarned, what you might consider beautiful other men will too. On the other hand, sometimes a pleasant friendship is meant to be only a friendship and nothing more.

  20. I would only add let your husband FIND you, I experienced so much heartache before my husband because I was “finding” men and thinking I needed to be with them. I can guarantee YOU when my husband FOUND ME he just KNEW…we met in a coffee shop that was quite empty on that day. He actually came up and gave me a hug and then said, “do we know each other?” LOL we didn’t and then I ignored his morning text for four days straight lol then he asked me had I eaten dinner yet and six months later we married, and we now have two handsome sons…i don’t think women are meant to FIND their husbands–A MAN KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS IN A WOMAN MY DAD ALWAYS SAID WITHIN 5 Min of meeting a woman a man KNOWS if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her…i was also VERY content before we met, i was working on two laptops one for my day job as an IT consultant (it was a remote job, i left that job once we married i stay home with our children and help our family businesses), and my other laptop writing (I used to be a ghostwriter and that was also a remote position).

    Contentment is KEY, GOD IS FAITHFUL MY SISTER, I WAS 26 when we met…and it was crazy when we met my husband said “i wanted to be married with my first child at 27” and literally ME TOO! But I wasn’t counting down the clock…I just was taking it one day at a time…I would have dinner parties with friends, cook for my parents, and I LEARNED TO COOK, I am really good now, and our oldest son and husband LOVE my cooking and we eat in 98% (unless we travel and even then we cook our food for the road trip) of the time. Our youngest is nursed so he will eventually enjoy food as well.

    Now, I also watched BIRTH videos and MARRIAGE SERMONS (led by men only)before I met my husband so I would know what to expect. Both of our sons we had at home, so I wanted to make sure there was little to no fear when it came to birth. Your husband will find you, until then enjoy and embrace your hobbies and remember GOD IS FAITHFUL!

    P.S. my husbands ex gf right after we had our first son sent an email that said, “Im glad you got married at 27 like you wanted and had your son. Have a nice life!” LOL we blocked the email after that date but I thought it was powerful that my husband knew what he wanted and broke it off with women that were not interested in rising to that occasion. We are a very blessed family living according to Gods word.

  21. Hi C R, I recognize that your questions are patterned after the ones in Lori’s post but what do you think of open ended questions? e.g. What is your perspective on/ what do think of alcoholic drinks?
    Close ended questions may have a predictable format (yes/no).
    The more open ended the questions are, the more the responses are likely to flow into other areas of his life that she may not have considered at that time.


  22. Yup! He was surprised at the amount of questions, but it sure showed him how prepared and detail-oriented I am 😉

  23. That’s great! The next time I go on, I’ll find you. If you notice a blog called “Traditional Femininity” with the url “femininityandfarmaesthetic” reblogging from you, that’s me!

  24. This is a very informative post. I also believe that courting should be intentional. Both parties should know what they want. Courting for 2 to 3 years is just a waste of time. A man knows immediately upon meeting a woman what role she will play in his life.. Thank you for the post.

  25. What a testimony ! Thank you ! I’ve been trying to “find” the man God has for me, lol. But I believe you are so right, he will find me.

  26. Thanks for the reply! I always love getting advise from married women. I completely agree that women need to stop looking for a husband and let men come to them. When I hear the dating advise a few of my female friends give me it’s very clear the guys they’re with are only with them because they had no class and practically throw themselves at men and it’s not a surprise to me when they break up in less than 6 months. I wish women my age would realize that if you have to pester and harass the man for him to pay attention to you then he doesn’t actually like you. The only reason I accidentally forget that fact is because of how much I want children. I want at least 4 and I want to have the first by the time I’m 27/28. I know people can meet later in life, my parents did, my mom had my sister at 36 and me at 38 but not being in a stable relationship does get depressing at times but it’s nice to hear that if you meet the right person at the right time than sometimes things just come into place.

  27. Getting married to a woman you aren’t attracted to is not a good idea. Also if women jut sit at home and pray for God to bring a husband to their doorstep they should fully expect to remain single and childless. God doesn’t rain money down from the sky when we ask for it, you have to work hard and earn your money. Ladies my advice to you is to put yourself in social groups that have the kind of single men you want to approach you. Signal your value as a wife to them in your confusing subtle forms of communication. If a woman is attracted to a man she finds while putting herself in social circles she needs to signal her attraction. You can’t just stand there seemingly uninterested in a man and expect him to ask you out. If he doesn’t think your interested at all in him he won’t waste his time asking you out to get rejected. Women don’t initiate the relationship but there are lots of things they can do to make an environment safe for a man to initiate. I hope all those looking for marriage find it, God bless all

  28. I wish I had asked him about porn, too. It never occurred to me. Now I’m too late smart.
    I finally uncovered a porn addiction. At least it provides an explanation.

  29. There aren’t enough godly men to go around for the young women who are staying obedient and preparing to be wives and mothers. It’s very sad to know that obeying God’s word will cut you out of the valuable things in life you desire, like marriage and motherhood.

  30. “There aren’t enough Godly men to go around for the young women who are staying obedient and preparing to be wives and mothers”

    This is a classic feminist trope, it’s a good example of the woman’s ability to justify her own faults as nothing to be concerned about. What social circle are you in that you find no men to marry?(I’m assuming you speak of your own experience saying no godly men) if your in a church with no Christian men than go visit a different church. What most often is the case when women say there are no men to marry is they are justifying their unrealistic standards for a mate. Ask yourself what a godly man is, someone in the high percentile of looks, physical strength and height? Someone in the high percentile of wealth? Someone who has memorized the bible and knows how to deal with all situations? The problem we are in today is that we are using a (somewhat)biblical standard for mate selection in a marketplace that incentivizes the opposite of what we want. Just make sure that you aren’t passing up on men who would make fine husbands because you have an inflated ego and a false sense of an abundance of choice. I am a young man who could say the same as you, there aren’t any young women to marry. I don’t make this complaint because I know there are some out there, they just need to be found. Young people are in a lot of trouble in regards to finding a mate, we don’t need to make it any harder on ourselves

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