What I Would Tell This Girl

What I Would Tell This Girl

As many of you know who follow me on social media, our 39th wedding anniversary was on the 27th of this month. This picture was taken after we had changed out of our wedding clothes and just before we took off to begin our new lives together. As I look at this smiling couple, there are a few things I would like to tell this girl.

The harder you try to change him, the worse your marriage will become. A wall will begin to be built between the two of you and it will grow thicker the more you hold onto that rag in your mouth and insist he change. It’s not your responsibility to change him. It’s your responsibility to love him, to care for him, and to reverence him according to the God who made you. Be his help meet, not his thorn in his side.

He’s responsible for sin in his life not you. You’re responsible for your own sin. Work on your own sin and allow the Lord to work on his. Shower him with love and kindness.

Don’t quarrel with him, then give him the silent treatment until he comes chasing after you to apologize even though the argument wasn’t his fault. This is childish behavior and not becoming of a woman who claims to love the Lord. Don’t be a contentious wife.

He’s not always going to treat you perfectly because he’s not perfect, neither are you. Show him a lot of grace as God continually pours grace upon you.

Don’t be led by your feelings and emotions. They will lie to you often. You will think something negatively about him, then mull it over until the molehill becomes a mountain. When you see him, you’ll spew all of your angry thoughts out at him. Instead, once those negative thoughts come into your mind, replace them with truth. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Seek peace with your husband.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12

13 thoughts on “What I Would Tell This Girl

  1. I wish every young wife could be given the advice in this article. We’ll celebrate our 6th anniversary in a couple of weeks. This blog post is full of so many pieces admonishments that I, as a young wife, am constantly reminding myself of. Growing up, I was never taught that emotions could be sinful or wrong. Instead, my ungodly emotions were the slave driver that controlled my and my husband’s lives.

    Two years into our marriage, I discovered Debi Pearl, started listening to a Christian living podcast produced by 2 godly wives, and began discovering the truth. What a gift to be led around by the Word of God instead of feelings that change with the wind.

    1. I’m so glad God renewed your mind so soon in your marriage. I’m 20 yrs in now, almost 40 and just recently getting it. My poor hubby has been through it but Im so thankful that God is our redeemer!

  2. Congratulations Lori and Ken and oh my goodness how cute you two are in that picture. 😊And as matter of fact you two are still so cute together.

    Congratulations again!

    Also I wish someone had told me the things I know now early in my marriage. I agree, we can’t make it our goal to change our husbands. I do wonder if there is a concern in a marriage, is it okay to tell him the truth in love? I’m not talking about accusing or complaining but sitting down with our husbands and sharing what’s on our hearts and asking him how we can help.

    Thank you Lori!

  3. Hi Lori. Happy Anniversary to you and Ken. My husband and I will celebrate our 39th anniversary in February. Those years have passed quickly and all 4 of our children are established in homes of their own. I’m thankful for the Lord’s tender mercies and continual faithfulness throughout our marriage journey. I know God’s Word gives us everything we need to navigate through life together… I was just thinking about your last book and how it is chock full of scriptures. Revival in our marriages seldom comes apart from being in God’s Word. A study on the book of proverbs would give all of us wisdom in our interpersonal relationships. Thank you for sharing your marriage journey with us, Lori, and all that the Lord has taught you. We are blessed.

  4. Hi Sarah,

    What is the name of the podcast you’ve been listening to? It sounds interesting and I would like to check it out. Thanks!

    1. Hi Maggie,

      It’s called “What Have You.” I listen to it on Spotify. It’s two sisters with large families who discuss everything homemaking and occasionally touch on theological issues related to being a godly woman.

  5. Great advice & an adorable picture! I made many of the same mistakes and it sure would’ve been easier to have recalled advice like this than to continue on like a woodpecker, hammering on in the same behavior!

    I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again. Having been taught all this from a young age by a Godly mother sure would’ve been easier!!

    We just celebrated our 26th anniversary!

  6. What I would tell any young wife is what I told my daughter: Take care of your husband in the kitchen and the bedroom, and show him respect. Everything else will sort itself out.

  7. Happy anniversary Lori and Ken!

    I have read almost every big post you’ve written – here and in always learning and used to disagree with a lot. Over time, I realised that I agree with you more and more. Now I read and re-read what you write to remind myself of what I am striving to achieve. And I am so glad.

    6 weeks ago my husband came to me and said he wanted to divorce me, leaving me with our two gorgeous girls, 3 years and 3 months old. He said he wasn’t in love with me anymore and had feeling for someone at work. Had this been a year ago I am certain I could not have convinced him to stay. But now, I think thanks to you, I have.

    I immediately thought “I must win him back without a word”. So I asked him to detail all the reasons he could think why living with me makes him unhappy and why he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. I convinced him to give me a couple of weeks before leaving. And then I went about changing myself, being his help meet as best I can.

    He has not left! We have been intimate several times per week since he talked first about leaving. We spend time together, playing games and watching things he likes on TV. Our house is clean and dinner on the table when he gets home from work. I wear makeup everyday and I’ve started exercising several times per week. Perhaps foremost I try to remember what you’ve written before – a man loves to be greeted by a smile.

    I think my husband expected a very different reaction to what he has been met with. And he is happier and wants to stay now. I thank you so so much for giving me the tools to save our marriage and giving our little girls their daddy at home and parents together. I am so grateful.

    Happy anniversary!

    1. Wow. I have to say I am super impressed that you had the gumption to not lash out but to swallow your pride, ask for clear directions and apply them. Seriously that is completely opposite of the current feminist minset. You deserve a lot of credit and I truly hope this is the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in your life.

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