Women Making More Money Than Men Hurts Marriage
God never intended for women to seek out and conquer men’s role in cultures. God has different and perfect plans for women and they aren’t the same as men’s. A transgender from Texas has won the girl’s state championship for wrestling two years in a row. Feminists claim they are equal to men in every single way so they fought to be men. Now, some men are pretending to be women and proving that the feminist’s claim is simply wrong. Men and women were created differently for different roles and reasons. We all do better when we stay within our God-given roles.
From an article titled When Wives Earn More Than Their Husbands, Marriages Struggle, “Earlier (and typically widely reported) studies have linked female breadwinners with negative marital consequences. Women making more than their male partners – even just $5,000 more a year – increases the likelihood that they’ll divorce, a 2015 University of Chicago study found. This echoed earlier studies suggesting that women’s higher earnings increased divorce risk…Women who feel like they’re in a higher echelon than their partners were more likely to feel embarrassed or resentful of their husbands’ lower status and more likely to be unhappy about it and consider divorce, the authors wrote.
“‘We’re talking about identity and power here,’ says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., a clinical and forensic psychologist in Beverly Hills, California. ‘Oftentimes men are socialized to think they need to take care of a family, and often that means thinking they need to be financial breadwinners.’ If a man feels that way, he might feel like less or a man or threatened if he thinks his partner is taking better care of the family, she says.”
Women have attained everything they have “fought” for and all it has done is ruin marriages and culture. God created men to be the providers: to work hard and provide for their families. They are the ones who need the jobs that women are taking over. Most men fall into depression when they cannot find work because they were created to work and provide just as infertile women are deeply depressed when they can’t have children since they were created to bear children. Men are also called to be head of their wives and leaders of their families. How can men feel that they are leaders of their families if their wives are making more money when they are the ones called to be the provider? It’s all so backwards and never God’s purpose!
Feminism has taken women far from God’s calling on their lives and how can we expect anything but chaos as a result. How do we respond to this? By obeying God in all areas of our lives because He is good and His plan for us is good. As mothers go home to nurture and teach their own children (raise the next generation) and depend upon their husband’s provision, they are being salt and light in a wicked culture. Whenever we obey God and live godly lives, we are being an example to a lost culture of God’s goodness to us and that His ways are perfect. Culture needs bright lights more than ever right now because most are lost and floundering. Yes, mothers, as you are caring for your children in your homes and loving your husbands, you are being bright lights to a dark culture.
Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 5:13-16
***I have started a page on MeWe which is similar to Facebook but there’s no ads, no spyware, nothing like Facebook “jail” if your content isn’t politically correct, and so far, I am liking what I see. I am NOT closing down my Facebook page but will be active on MeWe for those who aren’t fans of Facebook! Here’s the link: https://mewe.com/p/thetransformedwife
36 thoughts on “Women Making More Money Than Men Hurts Marriage”
I agree… The man’s job is to provide, so for many men, even if they say they don’t mind, they really do… Imagine if dad has far more “motherly instinct” than you and the kids loved him more! Wouldn’t you feel your special role was usurped as a woman and mother? A father and husband is meant to provide for his family.
Lori, love your blog and articles, but there’s an error on this one.
“[..] Some men are becoming women [..]”
It is worth spotlighting this lest we fall into using the terminology of the World, which is the goal of the Deceiver, as it is where the bait-and-switch will occur.
Men cannot ever become women, nor women men. Biologically, you are either XX or XY (exceptions being mutants with XXY, but we are not speaking to 0.00001% of the population, which are genetic terminus). Biblically, God made man and woman (ref: Gen 5:2, Ma 19:4). He does not make mistakes, He cannot make mistakes.
Some delusional men believe that by deforming their bodies they can somehow become women but this is only superficial. They will never be capable of performing the functions that are the definition of what it means to be a woman. They lack the organs necessary for the formation of life, required for the sustaining of life.
Our friend Johnny Mac on this topic: https://youtu.be/0mM5w6qBFYE
I see more and more younger men enjoying this woman-as-breadwinner status. Because they enjoy keeping house? Nope. Because they essentially do whatever they want all day, answer to nobody, & they’re supported. It’s even better than at mom & dad’s, because there’s sex! I think it’s also leading to an increase in child abuse. Woman goes into relationship with child from prior man. She’s used to working and supporting herself and child because prior man does not pay child support. New man sees great opportunity.
He moves in, but doesn’t work. Woman does. She leaves prior man’s child home with him while she’s gone. He’s *busy* doing whatever he wants- on phone, smoking weed, playing PlayStation, etc. and child needs something. He couldn’t care less because this isn’t his kid. Child cries, he loses temper…..the next day I read it in the paper. ..”Unresponsive child taken to ER in critical condition. Boyfriend arrested.”
I know this isn’t a marriage situation, but my point is that more and more men are becoming OKAY being the supported spouse. I have 2 friends and 2 relatives in that very situation. Men are at home and wives are working FT. 2 of the 4 wives HATE their jobs and would love to quit, but their home is dependent on their earnings/insurance now. They don’t even think it’s worth arguing about anymore because they’re already in their 50’s.
So true. From my perspective wives providing financially takes away men’s impetus to do great things. I find this can definitely lead to depression among men and very likely impatience amongst their wives.
What are your thoughts on transgenders?
Man –> Woman, should they now take up the feminine role and be homemakers?
Woman –> Man, are they now the breadwinners?
Or are both still inherently their birth gender and should they conform to that even if they’ve undergone sexual reassignment surgery?
Kind regards,
Mika
I agree, Debby. Feminism has made everything bad. It has twisted what God says is good to make it look bad and it is reaping the bitter fruit that it has sown.
Thank you, Brian. I changed it to say, “Some men are pretending to become women…” I pity transgenders because they are not only destroying their health but are being deceived by the great deceiver, satan.
Nothing good comes from leaving God’s prescription for men and women. Many, many are suffering from this, especially the children.
When a transgender’s bones are dug up 100 years after they will die, their DNA will be what they were born to be. Nothing will ever change that. They don’t like how God made them so they pretend to be something else than they truly are, then they’re upset when we don’t want to pretend they are something that they are not. It makes no sense.
One often hears women today complaining about a dearth of gainfully employed men who are suitable for marriage. Leaving aside the elasticity (or would that be “viscosity?”) of the terms “‘gainfully’ employed” and “‘suitable’ for marriage,” this mindset serves as evidence of an almost genetic inability of most women to connect cause and effect.
Simply stated, ladies, one of two key reason for the growing dearth (real or perceived) of men without gainful or steady employment is that WOMEN are crowding men out of the labor market (the other is the deliberately-orchestrated destruction of the western economy). This is due in large part to feminist-driven Affirmative Action policies in hiring that give an edge to women over men. Sometimes this is due to the threat point of government penalties applied to businesses that a government bureaucracy considers (usually under some random, capricious criterion) to be estrogen deficient. Other times the State doles out (perverse) incentives in the form of special tax breaks, government contact set-asides, or other emoluments to make employers “behave” in accordance with the feminist Zeitgeist – even when it is detrimental to these businesses’ best long-term interests.
The bottom line, ladies, is that you have a choice. You can either adopt the World’s YouGoGirllll attitude of “my career Über Alles” and not be the least bit concerned about how it impacts men and their ability to support families – including yours, should you deign to have one. OR, you can take your rightful place in your God-ordained role as wife and mother and leave breadwinning to the one upon whom God conferred that responsibility. YOU CANNOT CHOOSE BOTH. Doing so would be to undermine not only your (and every other God-fearing woman’s) husband, but to overtly defy God’s perfect plan for your life..
In short, choose the World’s way and reap the misery and marital mayhem that inevitably ensues, or choose God’s way and enjoy the protection and bread provided by the husband who is able to earn it for you without unnecessary obstacles and distractions.
My brother is in this situation and I sometimes worry about him. I’m not sure how to talk to him about it. Do I just pray?
Most men, identify provision for the family as a masculine competitive trait, therefore when a woman is seeking this role of provision, she is unwittingly exchanging her femaleness or male prowess. Heterosexual males, are quite simply, just not attracted to any kind of masculinity.
Thanks for the heads-up on the new social site!! I left FB last year, and have been wondering what to do.
You’re welcome, Robyn! Most social media outlets are denying many free speech if it doesn’t fit with their agenda.
Yes, just pray that the marriage remains strong and committed for life.
This is exactly right! That’s why both of our daughters have been raised to look for a man that doesn’t possess the “adam” gene of stepping back when he should be stepping up. To look for a REAL MAN that is willing to risk and provide for his wife and children. A REAL MAN that’s not afraid to be the true head in marriage. We’ve raised them to look for a man that’s willing to fulfill his intended role as a true godly husband; that means knowing how to take care of a wife.
Except that these days, a transgender woman must be recognised as a woman, even if he (she?) has male genitals. It’s so wrong. I’m hearing stories of people getting sued for using the wrong pronoun.
In the Olympics, we had a female weightlifter Laurel Hubbard. A number of years earlier, she had been a very mediocre male weightlifter. Now, as a female weightlifter, having undergone a gender transformation and taken hormones, “she” is a Champion female weightlifter, able to lift substantially more than the *actual* female weightlifters.
It’s disgusting.
A girl at my daughters school is allowed to wear a boys uniform to school. It truly makes me sick. But if we say that, we’re “politically incorrect” and a “bigot”.
Yes when the wife earns more than her husband it destroys the marriage. My husband and I have seen this happen to close friends and family over the years and it is sad to witness. What we noticed was the attitude of the wife changing as her earnings went up, becoming bossy and demanding, entitled and belittling the husband. Then complaining that there was little intimacy and hubby no longer wants to be around her. In most cases the men turned to alcohol or just opted out emotionally within the marrriage. I think the wives lost respect for their husbands without realising it. This is so common even amongst our Christian friends/family that I’m 100% convinced that a wife earning more is a disaster for marriage.
I’d say wife earning more CAN destroy a marriage. In no way is it a foregone conclusion. I’m an attorney (You’ve been very clear how you feel about women and higher ed…) and Hubby is a craftsman/carpenter. He is a true man’s man, handy, provides for us via hunting and fishing, and definitely contributes to the ‘business’ of running a house and raising Godly children. He is my head in every way. No competition here, he is not lazy, I am not entitled or bossy. I love him and submit to him daily. It can work. Our community/church group is comprised of households where Wife exclusively stays home (Awesome, we support that 100%!), the Husband and Wife both work, and where the Wife works and husband freelances/parents. All can work very well, if we are continually seeking Jesus and fellowship.
KAK, I am sometimes asked by friends in the Church how to address neighbors who live a homosexual lifestyle.
Affirm the image of God (the persons), do not lend any credit to the lifestyle (the relationship of the persons). Acknowledging it, affirms it. The same will apply to those refusing to acknowledge and embrace the sex their Creator chose for them.
Satan will seek to rule your tongue, because the words you speak are written on your heart (Lu 6:45).
Do not bend your knee to the language and the pressure that is of the World, and thus, of Satan. You serve the One who is Greater, you owe Him and Him alone your tongue (Rom 12:2). Our validation, identity is found in Him, not the approval of this World (1 Cor 3:19).
Let the lemmings apply their labels. We have only to live our lives in obedience (1 Jo 5:3), demonstrate through our example a light in this dark world (Ma 5:14), and rest assured this war has already been decided (Jo 16:33).
That’s why both of our daughters have been raised to look for a man that doesn’t possess the “adam” gene of stepping back when he should be stepping up.
Hopefully you are not implying that Adam was guilty of anything besides “harkening unto the voice of his wife”,(instead of God) or that Adam was initially complicit in Eve’s first transgression in the perfect world. Women who complain about Adam’s performance come across as having been tainted with Feminist teaching, when they should actually be shamefaced because of Eve’s rebellion against God and her husband, and then that she would manipulate Adam to choose between her way and God’s way, leading Adam and all humanity into rebellion against God. Righteously God rightly subjected the woman to the man to promote righteousness. There is a cottage industry in trying to make men’s sins seem as bad or worse than women’s sins. But women generally still do the devil’s work in tempting men to sin. There is hardly anything about women’s dress and makeup that isn’t intended to make women attractive and sexually enticing to men. Even married women still dress to tempt other men. Which sex considers their God given role to be abusive, beneath them, and has abandoned it? Forcing men again to chose between Obeying God, or harkening unto the united voice of the women of this world. Hopefully while you are teaching your daughters to look for “A REAL MAN” who is willing to step up and lead. You are wise enough to realize all men are designed by God to lead. And all men will lead if you submit to them in everything as unto the Lord. I laugh that women act as though they can’t find a man who will tell them what to do. LOL
When a man quits trying to lead, you are guaranteed, that he has not been followed first, or has been prohibited or discouraged from leading. It is human nature, everybody wants to be the boss, especially men.
Teach your daughters to submit in everything and to reverence their husbands, and their husbands will naturally lead, and protect those loyal to them, like they take care of their own selves. If your daughters’ marriages fail, more than likely it will be your daughter’s fault. Men will put up with a lot of poor behavior from women, and any man who gets married in this age is expecting it. In all likelihood if a divorce is filed it will be by your daughter. If your daughter marries a man who has kept himself sexually pure his whole life, and suddenly he is turned to pornography or other women, chances are he wasn’t led to fall to that temptation he previously had withstood, except by the devil working wickedly through his mate. Even the most wicked of men will try to keep a good wife around.
The thing that has changed in the last 120 years that has taken the divorce rate from less than 1 percent to 50 percent is Feminism has begun to bear its godless fruit. Most men would be OK rolling our entire culture back a ways, if given that choice. Most women always vote “progressive”, for more Feminism. Unfortunately, it probably won’t stop until women are so intolerable, that men willingly allow their countries to fall and be destroyed preferring the next generation start over from rubble.
It is only unbridled female arrogance against the God ordained patriarchal leadership of men, that could still blame men for the failures of a society overridden with usurping feminism. SMH Six thousand years of recorded patriarchy and never before a 50% divorce rate. No, Eve is leading Adam to hell again. Teach your little ‘Eves’ to pick a godly young man, and then keep quiet and submit in everything, focusing on being the best helper and mate they can be, and follow her husband’s subtlest leadership as closely as possible. And voila! They’ll put their husband into a position where he will be free to grow as a real man of God. But if they instead usurp, emasculate, defy, defraud, disrespect, and work against their husbands, then they’ll have a problematic marriage typical of today’s godless homes.
That is fine for you, Ruthie, but it’s not God’s will. As I often say, the exceptions don’t negate God’s commands. God commands women be keepers at home and men the providers. When people walk away from these commands, chaos ensues as we are seeing so many divorces today that just weren’t happening in my parent’s generation. Yes, we keep growing in the wisdom and the knowledge of the Lord but we also keep speaking the beautiful ways of the Lord to those who will listen. His roles for men and women are perfect!
Not trying to harp on this, but…
Our world’s perspective is so blinded by Feminism, that most people actually think men fail to tell women what to do. They are blind to the fact that men almost always make things clear, and women just want to suit themselves instead of their fathers or husbands.
Adam told Eve not to eat the forbidden fruit. She rebelled against her husband’s leadership, even though he made it clear that it was a command from God. Adam had done absolutely nothing wrong. There had been no sin in the world. when Eve willfully chose to disobey and ruin paradise, feeling entitled to “step-up”, and be like God, knowing both good and evil. She usurped Adam, defied both man and God, and then brought the forbidden fruit and gave some of it to Adam as well. That is the pattern for how things generally work, and it is only deception and delusion that keeps people from seeing that is still like how things happen today. Blaming men’s “failed leadership” for troubled marriages is almost always just godless Feminism, and just doubling down on subverting of the man’s leadership. Did the man, who is the image and glory of God, ask to be publicly and privately disrespected? Did he ask to have begrudging sex rationed to him by a manipulative and contrary mate? did he ask the wife to fight him over finances, discipline, kids, vacations, beliefs, anything? No! Unless he is asking her to rob a bank or hijack an airliner, almost every single instance of disunity is directly caused by a wife refusing to submit to her husband in everything, and refusing to reverence her husband, and in refusing to do those things she is also defying God, just like Eve.
Most women refuse to cover their heads when they pray, as a symbol of being under their husband’s authority.(1 Corinthians 11) This both dishonors their husband, and defies God. No wonder they are so far from God. Even their prayers are a rebellious affront to God. Both sexes need to repent of their acceptance of satanic Feminism. It seems like the comment implies that you are coaching your daughters to think, that when they inevitably choose to flout their future husbands, it must be because they didn’t find “A REAL MAN” who should supernaturally keep all the typical rebellion out of the heart of a sin prone woman. Why not instead teach them by example how to repent shamefacedly when you fail to reverence your husband and to submit to his leadership in everything? What? is that too hard? Do you not want your daughters to be more submissive than yourself? As the culture continues to become more godless, chances are that your daughters won’t even be as submissive as their mother. Consider that,and go the extra mile to be even more submissive than you think you should be.
Don’t set your daughters’ future husbands up to fail by planting the expectations in your daughters heads that “A REAL MAN” can lead them. Adam had been the perfect man, God’s handiwork, sinless, and they were living in paradise … was Eve satisfied? Noooooo! She just had to have what was forbidden and bad for them and against Adam’s instructions. She listened to a snake, rather than her husband. Teach your girls that even a sinless husband can’t lead them to contentment. They have to choose to find contentment, and choose to joyfully follow their husband’s leadership.
Ruthie, I don’t mean to say that every woman will have these negative traits because they earn more, however I am yet to see where it has worked. I think for most woman it would take even more of a conscious effort to to be humble and submissive to a husband who earned a lot less or lower status etc. However even if it does work, I don’t believe it’s God’s design according to his word, that woman would be the hreadwinner and main provider. It’s a role reversal. I understand that there are circumstances where a woman has to take on that role but don’t believe we as woman should be pursuing a career outside of the home.
Amen.
and Amen.
Proverbs 14:1: “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
Elias, thank you for sharing your wisdom. It is clear you understand the finer points in theology, and proceed with boldness in teaching.
Thanks Brian and Trey,
We must be bold. We are in an all out war with the devil and his world. God’s word is absolutely right and good. Anybody apologizing for what God said is a misled fool. Tell God’s truth always believing it is best for everyone to hear it. If you are ashamed of God’s word, you’ll burn for all eternity for choosing to side against God and with Satan and this adulterous and sinful generation.
Mark 8:38 Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.
The King of Kings is not going to spend eternity subject to the presence of those He is rightly ashamed of, they will be cast out. Don’t ever ‘walk back’ God’s word. It will bring a better resurrection if you have to die for God’s word instead. God made His word to be offensive to the sinful.
1 Peter 2:6 Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture, Behold, I lay in Sion a chief corner stone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded. 7 Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner, 8 And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed.
Those builders, who teach people to stumble over God’s word and to remain disobedient to it, were appointed to do that. Our false churches are led by false teachers appointed by God to be dishonorable vessels of His wrath. Those wicked beguiling hirelings, who chose rebellion, truly did receive a calling form God.
Romans 9:21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? 22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction: 23 And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory, 24 Even us, whom he hath called, not of the Jews only, but also of the Gentiles? … 33 As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
If you truly believe in Christ, you will not be ashamed of His word. Instead, as you become like Christ, you will become a rock of offense to those who rebel against God’s ways, and God’s truth.
Lay aside all guile. Don’t sugar coat it. Our Almighty God doesn’t need some flattering hireling peddling God’s word like a mediocre product. The Word of God is a sword, and with the word of His mouth, God will smite the nations. Flattery is a sin. Love is to warn the sinner of the wrath of God they are earning, and to tell them to repent and turn from their wicked ways and follow Christ, while they still have time to reverse themselves. We need to deny ourselves pick up our cross and follow Christ. Flattery is self-serving. Don’t be ashamed to be a rock of offense, if you share God’s word correctly, you will be. I’m sure Lori has found this out already. Friendship with the world is enmity with God. Warn of God’s hellfire or choose to endure it?
I only sought salvation because I feared God, that he would burn me for all eternity. I wasn’t lured by a sappy song, or a potluck, or social programs, or the behavior of today’s churchgoers. Don’t underestimate the fear of God to turn people to righteousness.
I enjoy the thoughtfulness of these comments and appreciate the discussion. Until the Lord blessed us with our first child, I was a teacher, and for a short time, earned more than my husband until he became established in his career field.
From day one of our marriage, he has always handled our finances, and in those early years, before I resigned to stay home full time to be a SAHM after the birth of our oldest daughter, we set up automatic deposit of my paycheck into our joint account and I always regarded my income as part of the whole of our earnings, not “mine”. My colleagues were surprised I allowed my husband full control over my salary, but I had full faith in his financial leadership. I believed that my employment was a temporary season of our marriage, and I’m thankful for the ability in those early years for us to save money to allow for me to be home with our children when we became parents.
I’ve been a faithful reader of this blog and comments since the “Men Prefer…” posting, and look forward to Lori’s daily teachings. However, I would challenge the subject of “exceptions” regarding women (who are not yet mothers) working outside the home that are woven through her posts and responses to commenters. I’ve been married for almost 25 years, and from my experience, I’ve observed many grey areas in the living out of the Christian world view in this area. How perfect a world it would be if every bride conceived on her honeymoon, and every groom could financially support a young family right out of high school, trade school, or college. While that may be reality for some (blessings to you!), I don’t regret the time we had as a couple to establish ourselves financially before God blessed us with a child. Between us, we earned two Bachelor’s and one Master’s degrees without incurring debt (through my parent’s generosity and my husband working through school and utilizing a tuition reimbursement program through his employer). Those early financial decisions , attitudes developed towards money, and education earned have allowed for our family to live on my husband’s income. This is a gift I don’t take for granted-I am so grateful and give God the glory! I did not observe any Christian women in my circle (family or friend) not engage in some form of employment prior to, and in the beginning of, their married life before starting a family.
My recommendation would be for women in this life stage (waiting on the Lord for the arrival of a husband or a baby, if already married) to use this opportunity to establish Biblical views on finances, live frugally to save and prepare for your future, and view your income as “one” if married. A family member patiently waited five years after marriage for the birth of her first child, and as a couple, they saved her entire income. What a blessing to establish a strong financial foundation in the early years of marriage!
I would require Scripture reference to your statement that “but it’s not God’s will” in regards to women must earn less than men.
I take these conversations seriously. I believe that the Bible is the true Word of God. I believe in the Holy Spirit. And that God will never tell you something that goes against His Word.
But I see so much legalism in the world today. To me legalism is where people have added their own beliefs to the original intent of the Word. So, when you give me Scripture reference, I will read all surrounding Scripture, and pray for wisdom, so I will get what God is saying.
But I don’t want to disagree with you if I haven’t done that yet. So, thank you in advance.
Scripture is clear that men are to be the providers and women to be the keepers at home. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim. 5:8).
I agree with you as to reasonable exceptions. The decision to leave work to be with your child is the critical decision in my view. The other excellent decision that you and your husband made was to save your income and not live a lifestyle commensurate with 2 incomes. When you live on both incomes, then it seems like a real sacrifice to give it up for children. This is an unnecessary temptation that too many couples give into and keep both spouses working. Your family avoided this temptation. Congratulations! So often we do things and make decisions which make later decisions much harder, which we could have avoided like your great decision not to live on both incomes.
“Unfortunately, it probably won’t stop until women are so intolerable, that men willingly allow their countries to fall and be destroyed preferring the next generation start over from rubble.”
Too late. It has already happened.
This country is not our heavenly place though, but I agree with you in the general sense that these things happens when society becomes like ours is now.
Unless there’s revival, only war will ensue, and our enemy will be far more powerful than we are – because God has left us.
I have just started reading your blog and find it challenging, in a good way. I have been married for 20 years to a wonderful Christian man. In different seasons of our life, I have worked outside of the home (when he was ill and not able to work) and now in a combination of work from home and outside of it. This permits him to work in ministry, because that work does not pay well. So at the moment, I make more money than my husband. This does not mean that I don’t submit to him, that means that I help him fulfill his calling ministry. I don’t feel superior to him or respect him less because he makes less money. On the contrary, I admire his commitment to God’s calling and support him in it. I don’t consider my income to be mine, it is our family’s and ultimately it all belongs to the Lord.
I don’t deny that there are many problems in today’s society and that a striving for a career by a wife and mother can be detrimental to a family; however, I believe that the struggles in a marriage where the wife makes more than the husband do not flow from the financial issue, but from an attitude of pride.
This article really hit home with me. I married my husband in 2010 after a divorce I had in 2009 which gave me a sizable settlement. He worked but is a “blue collar”worker and we lived mostly on my income in houses I purchased. It was quite a step up for him. However in 2014 I started resenting the fact that I was paying for pretty much everything and let pride and selfishness rule my heart and I filed for divorce. I ran back “home” as fast as I could but remained tied to him emotionally and we even took vacations together. At some point I started attending a true bible believing church and saw the error of my ways and felt the Spirit leading me to repentance and we remarried in 2016. He is such a Godly man, waited for me to return to him, and exhibits the fruits of the spirt towards me every single day. No he’s not a millionaire but I’d rather have this Godly, patient man in my life than all the money in the world ! I could not return to my previous husband as scripture told me to do, as he was already in a relationship and was very bitter towards me. So I understood I was to return to the husband he gave me in 2010. I pray every day for God to take away my critical controlling spirit, and to give me a heart to submit and obey this man fully. It’s hard because we are older and I have the means to do what I want and it’s been even harder to give him control of what was once “my money.’ I have to look at it as God’s money and that is what keeps me in submission. So for me the bigger danger was my pride and selfishness with having more money. I’m not sure he ever felt “less-than” And I hope he didn’t. He works super hard for us! I appreciate him every day and try to tell him and even more, show him.
Thanks for speaking truth to my heart Lori.
My wife sometimes refers to scripture rather than sociological, economic and scientific data. I never understood this (although we don’t discuss issues like this often) as we are both economists (although she works as a nurse and I do accounting instead of economy). Anyway, we know from all most all studies this; Men are happy when they earn more than a woman. Virtually all men seek a female spouse with less income and them. They also seek slightly younger spouses for reproductive reasons. Women are happy when she makes less than a man and therefore seek slightly older spouses with better financial situation. Historically more or less all men and women have been rather close to age families always tried to match young men and women close to their age.
Men and women have easier to find a partner for marriage when men have a economic power over women and in particular when there is slight oversupply of women. Women are hypergamous nature of women – and will seek out (mainly financial but there is other attractive traits) certain men. The reason why women were divided between men (in western countries) was because no woman would be out a wife. A man without a woman will have much higher rate to die younger, suffer from depression; risk of suicide increase, poverty, and poor performance. More so a man without a wife will have a much higher risk of commit crime. You want a stable and working society: See to that young men and women can get married and have children. You would kill lots of the social problems we now have in the west doing so Women in turn would mellow down and we would see much less depression and social problems. The sad single mothers are a major cause of social and economic problems – as their children grow up in poverty and risk drug and alcohol addiction. The poorest people in our society are also single mothers and they are seldom very productive and a great financial burden on the tax payers. Children are happy when they are home with the mother at least in pre-school age and bullying would significantly drop. This is not rooted in religion. All societies through history have been organized around these facts. Men are the provider and woman is home with the children. Yes, there are times such as war when women have not been home but basically this is the foundation all functionally societies rest on this.
Throughout the 19th century poor women suffered in homes – mainly, in poor and lower working class homes. Men were drinking and beating their wives. Poverty and economic distress leads men to do things they wouldn’t do otherwise to their wives and children. In the 1950s men were raised financially and the pressure was released. Magically, men began (with some socialization) to treat women better – with the increased wealth of the men bad marriages was saved and wives felt better (not only because their men halted their drinking habits) as they could be proud of their husbands. Men would become much more productive. Women (almost all of them) have skills men do not have. They are nurturing, considerate and often mentally stronger than men. Men needs (it is part of our basic biology as men) to protect, provide and hold women – and if not they are feel enormously uncomfortable. It is unnatural for a man to act like a woman (which most of them are forced to if they want to keep their job and by extension their marriage as if men lose their job divorce is almost a guarantee) and it is unnatural for a woman to act like a man (which our contemporary society values).
Liberals, socialists and feminists don’t understand this. They have always thought the solution would be “free women from their homes and children” – when the solution was: “lifting men”. Soviet Union experimented with feminism and LGBTQ in the 1920s and by 1930 it was deserted. Russia was somewhat more “feminist” than other countries but you wouldn’t find it in the other countries belonging to the Soviet Union. Why? Because it didn’t work! It broke down natural relationships between men and women and caused people to become less productive. You saw the rise of crime, poverty, social problems and everything else. You do not – under any circumstance change the dichotomy: “Man and Woman”. In Japan the society is on the surface going well (they have been saved from the worst attributes of the West) but still they got the same problems. It is so obvious: Woman in the work force, no moral codes for conduct, education of women, no semi-arranged marriages, freedom of choice, abortion and so on. Well, the Japanese seldom have sex outside marriage (they are not as irresponsible as white men and women are) so there is simply no kids born out of wedlock and those in marriage (who has sex) don’t have sex much anymore. The Japanese is not a people who have lots of sex (for the good and bad). Consequence: A demographic collapse. This is very serious stuff.
The only demographic boom takes place in Africa and the Middle East. Why? Because their leaders has some basic understanding (and they have just fraction of the science we have) of the importance of life-long marriages and the importance of having children. Thank God that Hungary and Poland at least seem to grasp the seriousness in their situation. They are turning things around although it is slow and ineffective because of the European Union. You want a baby boom in Western countries? Well, get young men into good jobs, get rid of feminist socializations of girls (learn them to be mothers and homemakers from age 1), award families with many children, allow men to be men (teach them from age 1), get rid of secular liberal education (and replace it with good virtuous – family, love, sacrifice, children, work), outlaw unreasonable divorce, ban abortions, get rid of LGBTQ-rights (like the rest of the world), get rid of the welfare state as a surrogate for men (no more kindergartens), focus the educational efforts (education leads to jobs) on men (and not women) and get rid most liberal higher education. Within ten years there would be crawling children everywhere to married men and women.
Think about it. In 1700 an American woman had 7 children during her life-time. In 1900 she had 5 children and in 1950 she had 4 children. A woman can medically have 15-30 children under a life-time. During history we have not come close to that output because we wanted to protect women’s health, family finance and to protect society from overpopulation. More or less all woman can carry 3-4 children from the age 20 to age 30 without any serious complication – in particular not with our current medical technology. Having three children is a “walk in the park” when physiology is concerned and a pretty good number of children for women, men, society and of course financially. Still, you tell anyone you want 3-4 children (what we used to call: a couple of kids) and you are told you are oppressor of women. It is so sad…
I am sure that lots of feminists don’t like what you write here.
But I do and I am not a Christian. There are plenty of articles out there writing about highly educated/earning women in their thirties who just cannot find a partner. It also seems to be that a lot of those women are kind of aggressive in their dealings with others. They display lots of feminism but nothing feminine and that throws a lot of men off. I think that we should leave those ladies for what they are and focus on the new generation in which gender roles are clearly defined according to how the Creator has intended them to be.