Premarital Sex is SO Detrimental to Marriage

Premarital Sex is SO Detrimental to Marriage

One man posted this question on his Facebook wall: “Should a wife have sex with her husband even when she is not in the mood?”

I answered, “Yes, because a wife who loves the Lord and His ways certainly will, since she is not led by her moods or emotions but by the perfect Word of God.”

A woman responded to me, “Lori Alexander, really? You do realize that a woman is a human being in her own right and her body hers to do with as she wishes. No one has the right to dictate what a woman does with her body. You touch me without my permission and you will lose your teeth. I’m nobody’s possession or toy. I decide what happens to my body. If I’m not in the mood, you don’t get to touch me, period. You weak woman.”

Actually, it’s a strong woman who isn’t being led by her moods and emotions but instead is living in obedience to God’s command to not deprive her husband sexually. This takes strength whereas doing as you please takes no strength at all.

Why do women act so profoundly disgusted at the thought of giving themselves freely to their husbands sexually even if they’re not in the mood? One woman gave a great reason and is a good warning to all unmarried, young women.

“My thought is that most, if not all, women with this woman’s mindset comes from a background of regular premarital sex, where they have been used by men for sex (which in my mind includes all sexual activity outside of marriage). This repeated ‘use’ of a woman (the sex she gives freely, of course) hardens her heart against men. She feels she’s ‘putting herself out there’ in relationship after relationship, only to have it end one way or another. This creates a huge bitterness in her heart. In her mind, she may not be able to control the relationship, but she can control her body and who does what with it.

“And certainly, if you are not following the word of God and what the Bible says about ‘the two becoming one flesh,’ the idea of giving yourself freely to your husband even when you’re ‘not in the mood’ sounds incredibly outlandish and almost like sexual slavery.

“I can tell you from personal experience of becoming sexually active at an embarrassingly young age, that even though I know exactly what the Bible says and agree with it, I struggle DEEPLY with submitting to my husband sexually. Having a history of premarital sex is SO DETRIMENTAL to a marriage. The baggage of shame, hurt, and self-disgust is so hard to shake. I know the Lord has forgiven my past, but I am personally still so disgusted by it. It is very difficult to give myself freely to my husband.

“My heart shatters in the face of today’s promiscuity among women young and old. I KNOW the path they are headed down; I’ve lived it. I want to shout my story from the rooftops in the hopes of halting others in their tracks and redirecting their attention to our loving Heavenly Father, who will love them more deeply and unconditionally than any man on earth is capable of doing.”

From what I have seen, living in sin makes people very bitter and angry, whereas living in obedience to the Lord brings joy. It’s your choice, young women. Do you want to live as you please, suffer the consequences, and have joy stolen from you or do you want to obey the Lord and be full of joy? Of course, there is forgiveness for all sin and His grace covers all who believe, but it’s wise to live according to God’s will from a young age and walk in the paths of righteousness.

Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22

35 thoughts on “Premarital Sex is SO Detrimental to Marriage

  1. I couldn’t agree more! It makes a fling out of what should be a milestone in a young woman’s life! Not to mention an insult to your husband… He alone should be your one and only for such a deep and intimate experience with you.

    1. Pre-marital sex is not the trivial issue that the secular world pretends it is and in showing a complete lack of respect for yourself, your future husband, marriage, your future children and for God, it is of course unbelievably damaging and sinful.

      1. Susanne, I totally agree. I have told my sons to stay pure themselves, and then not even consider marrying a woman who is not a virgin. She has already shown great disrespect for her future husband and marriage, and set a sinful example for her future children. Of all the stupid things I have done in my life, nothing has come close to costing me as much suffering as making the foolish mistake of marrying a “recycled virgin”. It is right to forgive those people, but stupid to marry them, and thereby validate their godless choice. If fornicators and adulterers were still executed, we wouldn’t hardly ever even have to deal with this situation. Martin Luther rightly predicted that when the rulers quit executing adulterers, it was a slippery slope into moral chaos for their kingdoms. Look at Europe today.

        Ephesians 5:5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

        1. Elias – for a man who I assume considers himself to be a Christian, your comments are actually disturbing. You want adulterers executed? Seriously? Brunei has just made fornication punishable by death, perhaps you should move there? Sounds like you’ll fit right in! Sadly, it’s only the women who will be stoned to death, as men there are allowed as many wives as they want.
          In countries where this happens, female rape victims are stoned to death. That sits well with you, does it?

          I love that verse in John 8:7 where Jesus found a way for the woman caught in adultery to go free – He bent and wrote on the ground, then said “let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” He was clearly showing that Moses’ law was wrong, and showing the world a better way. He told the woman to go and sin no more.

          Nobody who is a Christian can believe in the death penalty for adultery or fornication. Actually, they can’t really believe in the death penalty for anything. That’s not what Jesus taught.

          1. KAK, Elias clearly states “it is right to forgive these people, but stupid to marry them” as sins retain consequence despite forgiveness. He points out an observation made by Luther, but does not go beyond this.

            You’ve made grave error in your theology in your post that must be called out when you state “[Jesus] was clearly showing that Moses’ law was wrong [..]” There is much to unpack in this assessment alone.
            * Moses had no law. It was the Law of God, given to Moses as a vessel, for God’s people Israel.
            * Jesus states clearly that He did not come to undo the Law, but to fulfill it (ref: Ma 5:17). He did not come to overwrite anything the Father said (through Moses)!
            * It goes further than this. It will not be changed. As a teaching point, Jesus states that the consumption of this World will occur, Armageddon passes, the laws of physics governing this universe will be abolished before the Law changes (ref: Lu 16:17). The Law is evermore.
            This is extremely important to understand in any Bible-believing Christian’s theology. God is unchanging, He cannot change. His Law He cannot break. Jesus came to demonstrate the fullness of the Law. His whole ministry consists of correcting the *misunderstanding* and *misapplication* of the Law, and always takes the lessons from the mere tradition to the heart of the believer.
            https://www.gotquestions.org/abolish-fulfill-law.html

            You state “[Christians] can’t really believe in the death penalty for anything.” Under the Law, what is the penalty for murder? Copious references can be made, the most clear being Num 35:30-32.
            But Jesus stated to turn the other cheek (ref: Ma 5:39)! Yes, but the context involves personal pride, Peter was in no mortal danger. Contrarily, Jesus instructs His disciples to carry swords with them (ref: Lu 22:36, :38). He would not instruct His disciples to bring something if there was no intention it would never be used. And medicine being nothing of what it is today, the usage of a sword in self-defense would ultimately result in the death of the one whose skin was pierced (infections, loss of blood etc).
            http://www.searchthescriptures.org/resources/clinging-to-god-guns-capital-punishment
            England abolished capital punishment for murder in 1965. The rates of violent crime in the aftermath have skyrocketed, by magnitudes over magnitudes. By failing to execute the Law’s commandments in our societies, we will reap the results of our collective disobedience.
            The thief on the cross was forgiven, and assured his place in Heaven (ref: Lu 23:41-43). However, he still paid the price of crimes committed- this event was not interrupted! Again, sins retain consequence despite forgiveness.

            Where both of these lapses in theology join is in Jesus Himself. The Law being ever unchanging and the disobedience in the Garden is the whole reason we have Jesus. The Law states that the just reward for sin is death- eternal death. But the Father so loved the wretched beings that we are, that He sent His Son to atone, to pay on our behalf the bill that is due.

          2. Thanks for the excellent rebuttal, Brian.

            There is so much wrong in KAK’s comment, that It would take a long time to unpack it and refute every last hint of heresy that it contains.

            What Brian said about my comment is right. However I will go farther and say that, yes, I would like it if the death penalty were reinstated for adultery like it formerly was carried out in my country.

            Hangings during the colonial era of America were mostly performed publicly in order to deter the behavior for which the criminals were hanged. Thousands of townspeople would gather around the gallows to hear a sermon and observe the hangings of convicted criminals. Such experiences were deemed to be good lessons on morality for the children and townspeople.

            Jesus did not come to abolish his own laws. According to the law that God gave to the Israelites, both the woman and the man caught in adultery were to be stoned to death, it was illegal to only stone one and not the other. And unlike us, Jesus had the power to forgive sins through His life given as a ransom for many. Nowhere does the Bible ever say that adulterers were not to be put to death according to the laws of any land. Christians once knew this.

            Romans 13:3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4 For he is
            the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.

            Why, pray tell, must we preserve adulterers, and yet allow the execution of their innocent unborn children? Are we not exactly reversing the just laws that God laid down? Why must we spare the most wicked and execute the innocent? Who would be the father of such evil? Who wants license preached instead of righteousness? We need to repent of our licentiousness and the resulting abhorrent wickedness of our generation. Satanic Feminism and its “sexual revolution” against God, has rotted our minds, and God has given most of our generation over to moral depravity.

          3. If you didn’t know – no executions (stoning included which was introduced a month ago) has taken place since 1984. You do know that Muslims don’t stone people at will. It is a rarity even in the very few Muslim countries which is legal. If you didn’t know Western countries have had all kinds of insane punishments for crimes including adultery 19th century. I’m personally against death penalty but what I know your country (America) gladly executes people every year. You do know why Muslim countries don’t take light on adultery? It is rather simply: The foundation of the nation is the family. If you cheat on your spouse you cheat on your nation. Muslims (and the West until very recently) argued that if you commit adultery you also commit a crime against the nation.

            Adultery makes the society instable. Do you think Muslims (and we westerns at the time) constantly killed people for cheating? Of course we didn’t. It was a way of make men and women scared of not doing it. Now, do you I think one should cheat? No, and I don’t think people should be punished for it. However, I do believe that if you cheat on your husband/wife you shouldn’t be entitled to alimony and get half your spouse net worth. It is unfair for the spouse who has been betrayed. These pre-nuptials ought to be invalid when this kind of things happens. Hence I do think society ought to curb unreasonable behavior and cheating is unreasonable.

  2. So very true, Lori, and a great article.

    There are many hurting women when it comes to this topic, but they have to understand that if they don’t forgive themselves and others, they only go on to wound their husbands, and if the husbands can’t find love in a marriage, their temptation to go find love outside of it goes up tremendously.

    Also, what if a man had the attitude towards his job that a wife sometimes has towards sex? What if he decided it was his body, that he could go to work when he felt like it? He’d be fired pretty quickly, wouldn’t he be?

    1 Corinthians 7 talks about defrauding, and it does allow the Devil to get an advantage.

    Sadly, there are many men, who don’t dare pursue women around us for marriage because we have seen the awful devastation of a woman sniping at her husband, and taking his money and children, even when he is a nice guy, handsome, making good wages, and not into porn, drugs, alcohol, or cheating. Our media and schools have painted men who are good providers, virtuous, and masculine as problems for women. Women are encouraged to pursue lesbianism, fornication, prostitution, pornography, and all kinds of other pursuits guaranteed to destroy a woman’s confidence and emotional stability at a young age, and these precious attributes are nearly irrecoverable without God.

    Just yesterday, I saw two remarkably pretty women, one in a Starbucks and one in a library. Both were dressed modestly, though both were obviously beautiful, and both had vivacious personalities. 100 years ago, as a man, I would have approached, started a conversation, which I have no problem doing, and then decided if she was marriageable. Today…Not a chance. Far too risky. In my town there is a likelihood they are feminists, there is a very slight chance she believes in God, and an even slighter one she believes in the God of the Bible. There is a great chance she is promiscuous, and values pleasure and money over love, in which case pursuing her is an exercise in futility.

    I debated speaking with both, and decided against it. I’m not afraid, simply wise. Beauty alone, along with favoring words mean really nothing, as Proverbs said.

    So very sad, that the very first thing God said was not good on earth was “It is not good for man to be alone”, and yet in our perverted society, the very antidote for that is highly inaccessible. 7 years ago, I got furious at God, and started bigtime sinning, back when I was a virgin at 33. It didn’t end up well. Had only my discontent to blame for it. However, in retrospect, I’m convinced that true peace and serenity come from mastering ourselves, in whatever situation we are in. When I read Corrie Ten Boom’s beautiful book ‘The Hiding Place’, and Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for meaning” where both detailed how they found happiness and peace in Nazi Concentration camps, I realized I have nothing to complain about. Like the Jews in the wilderness, man often likes to complain, and it never ends up well.

    As a rule,
    Man’s a fool,
    When it’s hot,
    He wants it cool,
    And when it’s cool,
    He wants it hot,
    Always wanting,
    What is not.

    That said, learning to be content is a necessary attribute.

    1. Monte, I love your poems. Always apt.

      I share many of your positions, here on the East Coast. Where once I would approach anything with two legs, soft skin and long hair, I dare not anymore. The only women I have approached in the past 5 years have been those inside of a church. And sadly, even that is not foolproof, as the Church has become ever more lukewarm. Many women with Jezebel hearts attend services with their goal not on Christ, but on ‘shopping’ for a man.

      I must admit I am jealous for the times of Jacob. Simply go back to your ancestral land, find a woman you like and work for 14 years. Be in a God-honoring marriage as a result. How simple! By these standards and at this point, I would be several years wed to a faithful, beautiful bride!

      1. Thank you, Brian, I enjoy your comments just as much. Can totally relate to your experience with women, even in the church.

        It would be awesome to be like Jacob. How amazing that would be. Work for 14 years, don’t have to worry about your marriage constantly being threatened by your wife’s latest mood. Because, it doesn’t matter if we men are good providers, love God, study the Bible, and avoid vices anymore. Oh no, your wife can still walk out on you for no reason at all, and with women initiating the divorce 80% of the time, it’s far more likely today than at any time in American history.

        Marriages that happened in the days of Lori and Ken, and my parents were far more likely to succeed. Porn hadn’t hit America via the internet back then, and so women weren’t taught their value was in their sex appeal, and that value ought to be redeemed by finding the wealthiest man they could find.

        Before women got the right to vote, it was an amazing time. Back then, men and women got married young, and stayed married. Birth’s out of wedlock were practically non-existent. But, when women got the right to vote, and God bless the conservative women, they are fantastic and worth their weight in gold, the woman’s nesting nature took over, and she began voting for big government, and wanted few kids and to go to college and work. This subverted the entire marriage and family dynamic. As a result, women in America today are the most miserable they’ve ever been before. We reap what we sow. I blame liberal men, who are effeminate, weak, can’t lead, and are slaves to their desires, thereby allowing themselves to be dominated by a woman’s whims.

    2. Montesqueiu – These words: “Sadly, there are many men, who don’t dare pursue women around us for marriage because we have seen the awful devastation of a woman sniping at her husband, and taking his money and children, even when he is a nice guy, handsome, making good wages, and not into porn, drugs, alcohol, or cheating.”

      They break my heart.
      Marriage is never going to be all good. We have to take the good with the bad. Without the bad, we’d never appreciate the good. It is devastating to me that so many marriages are breaking up, because one of both halves of the marriage don’t want to stick out the bad, and wait for the good to come back. And it’s even more devastating to me that some people aren’t even willing to take a chance on love, at all, for fear of being hurt.

      Also, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Just because someone (man or woman) seems to be a wonderful person out in public, that doesn’t mean they’re wonderful in private. So when a marriage does break up, it’s impossible for us outside, looking in, to know why.

      Recently, a friend’s marriage broke up. They’ve gone to my church forever, my husband and I knew this couple fairly well, so we thought. The wife had an alcohol problem, which was why they evenly split, and their kids want nothing to do with her. I’ve been talking to them both lately, hearing both sides of the story, and none of us had any idea of the things she (and he!) endured behind closed doors. This is an awesome couple, both exceptional people – kind, generous, funny… both loved God. Now, because of what went on behind closed doors, and neither of them taking any action to fix it, we have an alcoholic, abusive woman, a broken man, and a destroyed family.

      Even my own marriage has incredible “ups” and devastatingly low “downs”. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to chuck it all in. But today, I went out with my husband for the first time in months to buy some stuff for our business and the song we played at our wedding came on the radio. It’s our 17th wedding anniversary next week. I turned to my hubby and asked him if he would do it all again, knowing what we know now, knowing how hard it is. And he said he would. My heart is still happy 🙂 It is so, so sad that people are choosing to miss out on this awesome experience, due to fear.

      1. So happy your marriage is happy, KAK. Your husband is blessed to have a woman like you.

        I don’t mind differences, and understand they are part of marriage, but what I can’t risk is the sudden loss of children and half my finances based on feelings. That is far worse a risk than any I’m willing to take.

        Further, I often take controversial political and religious stands in my community, and there is no way I’m going to put my ability to speak out at risk because of a woman who stabs me in the back. I’ve seen so many powerful men who won’t speak out in public because their wife will have them on the couch if they do. That’s pathetic and a disgrace.

        I’m not going to have God’s message compromised by a rebellious wife. The past 2,000 years have many Christian men who entered unwise marriages, and it caused them lifelong sorrow.

        Starting to understand why Christ and Paul died single virgins. I highly doubt they could have married and done it. Christ would have constantly been talked to about his lack of finances and why he was putting his family in danger with his reckless behavior. Can you imagine what his wife would have said after his bullwhip in the temple episode? LOL! He’d have been on the couch for a year!!

        And for Paul, how would his wife have survived when he was imprisoned?

  3. If someone has been forced into marriage then one could sympathize….However I really don’t think in our “First World” countries that happens outside of extremist beliefs. Marriage is a decision – a CHOICE. A woman is free to marry or not, but once married, wife AND husband have a claim on the other. For they are truly two in one flesh. A woman can ask of her husband for intimacy and the husband of his wife, and barring a very good reason, both should be happy to oblige. No one forces you to live that life, but once you do, you must live it fully, in common, sharing heart, mind, body and soul. There is a great beauty in becoming one and in moving away from “my” and letting it become “our”. The sexual act in marriage is a reaffirmation each time of the vow made in front of God at the altar, a “yes” given in body as the woman/man chose to give themself in word and intent on their wedding day. It is a beautiful thing! Same with children: I often get asked if I planned having “so many” children…recently I just answered it saying, ” well, marriage means being open to and having a family. So yes, when I CHOSE to get married, I CHOSE children.” It seems quite basic to me. In fact “matrimony” is derived from the Latin word, “mater” meaning “mother”.

    I am so glad I waited for marriage, and I think a young woman would be well advised to not only abstain from sex before marriage but to watch ALL physical touch and mental and emotional intimacy with a man before marriage. If the relationship fails and then she goes on to marry later, those prior acts (even constant intimate words said to the wrong person) can haunt for many, many years what should be a joyful union in her marriage.

    Good on you, speaking the truth, Lori! God’s ways are intended to protect us and ensure the best possible outcome for our peace and happiness!

    1. Yes, S.M., giving ourselves to our husbands even when we’re not in the “mood” is an act of love and is a beautiful thing. We are to live lives for others and not for ourselves. The more we do this, the better life becomes!

    1. I think it is the same in principle but different in some respects. In principle, wives have the same unlimited access to their husbands’ bodies as husbands have to their wives’. On the other hand, women can have intercourse when they are not in the mood and even if they are not aroused.

      Men, obviously, need to be aroused unless he is just providing manual or oral relief to his wife. That means the woman will necessarily have to use some means of enticement to get him in the mood. I don’t know what your husband likes, but I can tell you if my wife ever made the first move, that alone would send my desire into the stratosphere.

      It is a mutual giving and sometimes the husband just needs to get his act together and take care of his wife whether he is in the mood or not. If we tell women the same thing, then it applies in reverse as well.

  4. Hi Lori,

    I came across a youtube clip of someone talking quite negatively about your blog and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

    I’ve been reading all of your most recent posts and I have to say, it’s so different from anything I’ve ever read before. In my country (the Netherlands), over 82% of people stated they have rarely been in a church and more than 50% doesn’t believe in god (I looked it up). This makes my country one of the least religious countries in the world. None of my friends have ever touched a bible, I asked one of them how many biblical figures she could name and her response was, quote: “The Jesus dude and the naked people Adam and Eva”.

    If I would tell my friends and family I would love to get married and be a homemaker, they would ask me if I’d stay home for 2 years or 4. It’s just not done over here.

    If I would tell my friends and family I wanted to go to church during Christmas, they’d laugh. If I said every Sunday, they’d have me committed. Maybe it’s because to get to church, I’d have to travel an hour an a half.

    What advice would you give me? I know I have my faith but I feel very alone. I will pray for guidance and change but the laws are getting more “progressive” every day, I’m afraid soon christianity will be a thing of the past and churches tourist-attractions.

    1. Hi Lisanne,

      Yes, we travel on a narrow road that leads to life and few want to travel on it. Most travel on the wide road that leads to destruction. I much prefer being on the narrow road with the remnant who will be saved from the wrath to come, wouldn’t you?

      I encourage you to get a Bible asap. Begin reading the book of John and then read to the end. When you’re done with this, read Matthew and Acts. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. You are NOT alone! There are many other solid believers in the world. Ask the Lord to give you strength to obey Him even if you are rare indeed. You will be salt and light to your wicked culture. You don’t need to tell them your desires, just do it!

      Find a church if you can and go faithfully. I am sure there must be some home churches. Ask the Lord to bring you a godly man who wants a wife that wants to live biblically not culturally. You will impact others around you. God’s ways are perfect and they will see this as you live them out.

      Remind yourself that the Lord will never leave nor forsake you. He will always be with you and give you the strength to do what you are called to do.

      Blessings to you!

    2. Goedendag Lisanne,

      Take heart, you are not alone. The Dutch have a proud Christian heritage. Abraham Kuyper was a man of great renown, intellect and faith. His works are many and should be more available to you than would be in the English-speaking world.

      Today, there are true Bible-believing Dutch fighting for your country, such as Kees van der Staaij who signed the Nashville Statement. If you are not familiar with him, look him up and seek out groups of believers with which he is associated.

      Yes, most all of western Europe is spiritually dead (ik zag dit in Belgie en Frankrijk). You will be at war culturally because of your faith, but you are never alone. You will find Christian brothers and sisters in the oddest of places.

      Ps 23:4
      1 Ki 19:14, :18
      Jo 14:16
      Is 41:10

    3. @Lisanne Leeuwenkamp

      Do you live anywhere near Den Haag? If so, I know a missionary family who run a church plant there. I could put you in touch with them, if you’d like.

  5. The devil seeks to join together what God has not (premarital sex), and to separate what God has (sexless marriage). When the devil accomplishes the former, having gained a foothold, will push the advance to accomplish the latter.

    Where the lady responding to you was incorrect is right off the cuff: “[..] a woman is a human being in her own right and her body hers to do with as she wishes [..]”
    She has clearly NOT read and understood 1 Cor 7:4. She would understand that when she is married, her body belongs to her husband, and vice versa. Sex happens when EITHER-OR is ‘in the mood’, not when BOTH-AND are ‘in the mood’. It is a marital RIGHT for her husband to claim.
    The rest of her rant is violent, self-serving and loud. She exposes a lack of a ‘quiet and gentle spirit’ (ref: 1 Pet 3:4). Her lips betray her.

    What many women do not understand is how much of a blessing this is. The peak sexual drive for men and women occur at different times during a natural lifespan. A woman’s ‘hunger’ advances with time, as her body has fewer eggs to fertilize, and so her built-in drive is to seek ever more aggressively a pregnant state. This coincides with a timeframe when she is less and less visually appealing in her life, as time continues to take its toll. How devastating it would be for a woman to not receive physical validation from her husband during this time! Would it not have been better to be obedient during the years when the husband’s drive was the stronger of the two, so that he could be ‘won over by her behavior’ (ref: 1 Pet 3:1) and return to her the ‘favor’ later in life? It is her turn to claim her marital RIGHT and her husband’s time to honor her.
    These things do not enter the minds of feminists, because they can only see half-truths wherein they are made to be the victim, the world favors men, and men are aggressors.

    In Jewish tradition, husband and wife are obliged to consummate their marriage every Friday night. While some may cry out that scheduled sex is not romantic, true romance finds its roots in obedience to God. Where there is obedience, there is also trust. Where there is trust, there is fertile soil for romance to take root.

    No matter how you dissect this issue, be it understanding the Word and acting out of obedience, the biological timeline of life, or biblical tradition, it all leads to the same result: Wives, your duty is to your husband in all things (“as unto the lord” is the paradigm). Do not cheat on your husband before marriage, and do not cheat him out of marriage’s rights and privileges.

  6. “Lori Alexander, really? You do realize that a woman is a human being in her own right and her body hers to do with as she wishes. No one has the right to dictate what a woman does with her body. You touch me without my permission and you will lose your teeth. I’m nobody’s possession or toy. I decide what happens to my body. If I’m not in the mood, you don’t get to touch me, period. You weak woman.”

    I’m assuming that this woman is 1) not a Christ follower and 2) has thus never read 1st Corinthians 7:4-6.

  7. When my now husband and I were courting, we did the unthinkable. My parents were extremely upset, and I was riddled with guilt for many years. It really wasn’t worth it. We were put out of our church for a while as well. Now very happily married, and realise that no one owes another person sex, ever.

    1. Nat, you say that you now “realise that no one owes another person sex, ever.” You are wrong. The Bible is VERY clear on this matter.

      1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (ESV) “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

      Look at verse 3. It clearly says that “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” Verse 5 says “DO NOT deprive one another…”.

      That word in verse 3 translated as “rights” in English is the Greek word “opheilé”

      Strong’s Concordance
      opheilé
      Definition: a debt
      Usage: a debt, a duty, what is due.

      Websters 1828 Dictionary
      DEBT
      1. That which is due from one person to another, whether money, goods, or services; that which one person is bound to pay or perform to another…
      2. That which any one is obliged to do or to suffer.

      Without question, the Bible tells you that YES, you OWE your husband regular sexual fulfillment and he OWES you regular sexual fulfillment. How much more clear could it possibly be?

      1. So many women become so enraged at the thought that they are “obliged” or “owe” their husbands sex as if this is the worse thing in the world and they accuse me of promoting marital rape. How twisted their minds have become. Obeying God is a beautiful thing and produces good fruit.

        1. So many women … accuse me of promoting marital rape

          “Marital rape” is an oxymoron. Any woman who believes in it has just put a HAZMAT sign on herself.

      2. I totally agree with you, Trey, however I think Nat was saying she fell into fornication, and she is saying that we don’t owe sex outside of marriage? It’s a bit ambiguous, but that appears to be her meaning, though I could be wrong.

        Based on her saying she fell into the unthinkable when courting (not married) and was punished by her church, that seems to be pointing to fornication.

        1. When I think of our troops overseas defending our country based on duty and honor, it makes me proud of them. They see serving out of duty as a good thing because they are not living with a mindset of rebellion.

          So why is duty-sex considered so bad? It’s because our hearts are rebellious and we hate doing anything because we are “supposed to.” That seems like a bad reason. But to the obedient, humble Christ-follower, doing things out of obedience and duty to our savior who sacrificed everything for us – why this a pleasure and a privilege. It is the highest and best reason.

  8. At the root of it, those women are rebellious against their Creator, who created the woman for the man. However, there is also no shortage of false teachers who will encourage women’s rebellion against God and man, as though the woman’s mood and feelings are the command of a goddess more fearful than God our Father.

  9. Lori, after over a dozen years out here in western civilization, I still suffer culture shock. The notion that any married woman, Christian or not would deny her husband sex is laughable. In my country there’s a saying that every girl is told growing up, in relation to marital obligations; “a husband is not your mother’s son” (it sounds more profound in the local language). If a man complains to his father in law that his wife is treating him like a brother, it is a big deal and disciplinary action is taken by the wife’s family immediately. Marriage is not just the couple’s business but the community has a vested interest in marriage too.

    Sexual refusal is seen as damaging to the community and so it is dealt with communally. I must confess it is rare because our constitution recognizes polygamy as a lawful form of marriage. The church will not wed a man more than once for as long as his wife lives, but there are traditional wedding ceremonies that a man may have with second, third, nth women following the church wedding with the first wife, all of which are constitutionally legal. Because of economic constraints, not many men take more than one wife except those who walk out on their first wives for sexual denial, adultery, disrespect and poor home management. Being a man’s ONLY wife is a premium prestigious position for a woman and her family. That means that girls save their virginity for men offering 1st wife status and after snapping up that coveted position, they do everything in their power to be the ONLY wife, including and especially a very active, enthusiastic and creative bedroom. As Christians we should heed God’s word to avoid the oppression of polygamy and other temptations outside of God’s “one man, one woman” design.

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