Your Daughters Don’t Have to Choose a Career
Whenever my viral post goes viral again, many of my more recent posts receive a lot of hits and comments as well. Unfortunately, vile and nasty comments are spewed all over my Facebook page, along with contentious and contrary ones (those who believe it’s their duty to scold me for what I teach).
Thankfully, I have a small “army” of godly women helping me to ban, delete, and hide those types of comments. My husband, Ken, has also become an administrator of my Facebook page since he wants to help moderate during times like these. It gets overwhelming and this homemaking viral post seems to go viral fairly frequently. (I appreciate that he is involved and overseeing my ministry to women, too. He also mentors men who come my way seeking help in their marriages. He has a lot of wisdom!)
This is one of the posts that was receiving quite a bit of comments recently. (Yes, I know I spelled “tutor” wrong but at the time I wrote it, I was taking care of my three young and precious grandchildren and wasn’t as careful as I normally would be but I do make mistakes!):
I noticed that Ken had responded to a few women who disliked this post and felt they needed to set me straight. I thought his responses were good enough for a post of their own!
Vicky: “I am a college educated (BSN, and an MBA, currently working on my PHD) female, wife, and mother! Telling young girls, that they are better off, not going to college, and just getting married and having children is WRONG! I have two girls, which both have gone or going to college, one is married and works in her degree field, with no children; doesn’t want children and the other, doesn’t want to consider marriage until, she is capable of standing on her own two feet. So, what you’re saying is that I have raised my daughters, incorrectly?”
Ken Alexander: “Vicki, I am all about choice. Did you show your daughters a choice to not become a career woman and explain the sacrifices they are making when they choose to pursue a career? Everyone has a choice how they want to live their life, and you and your daughters have chosen your path. It’s your life to live so live it as you think best… but also don’t believe for an instant that many career women and their families would not have been better served by focusing on the relationships that give the most lasting value in life.
Jesus said, ‘For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?’ (Mark 8:36). I think He would also say for today’s world, ‘What does it profit a woman to have a career, and the money and ego that goes with it, to lose out on the best life has to offer in family and marriage?’ You have taught your daughters the world’s way of doing things, but this world will pass by quickly and in the end, we all have to own how we have lived.
So let’s be sure that our daughters know that they do not have to choose a career, but can throw themselves into marriage and family, often living happier and more fulfilling lives without the debt of college and grad school. Let’s let God and His Word help them make this important decision. Our children are our greatest treasures, are they not?”
Kenndra: “Out of curiosity (again), are we going to pretend that women like Esther or Ruth did not exist in the Bible? Or are we only talking about the parts that fit this narrative?”
Ken Alexander: “Are not Esther and Ruth perfect examples of godly women who married and were well provided for by God and their husbands? They are a far better example of what is taught in this post than anything to do with being career women.”
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8, 9
11 thoughts on “Your Daughters Don’t Have to Choose a Career”
I’m all for a Godly family. I went to College to be a Missionary. Used my degree to work on the mission field until I had to come home to take care of my mother.
Met my husband many years later.
I do think that it’s a high calling to be wife and mother. I now stay home and teach my children. But I know of several single women who have to work, since they have no husband and children. I think it best to teach my children to pray about what God wants for them. Yes I hope my daughter will be a wife and Mother. But right now, she wants to work towards being an astronaut… working at NASA. She feels called to be single, and I see nothing wrong in this. I know that this can change, as it did for me… but I do think that it is a matter of Prayer. He will make it clear.
Thanks for the article. I just think we can all agree that whether or not each person chooses a career, it is between them and the Lord.
I guess that there are two issues here: careers for women and college education (for men and women).
These days everyone who does decently at high school HAS to go to college. However because of the law of supply and demand, a high number of college graduates means that some of them will struggle finding real college jobs and even for those who manage the wage premium will be lower. So I would say that unless you want to be doctor, lawyer, architect, or something like that, college might only be a waste of money. However since the threshold to graduate high school has been significantly lowered, employers are using a college degree as a selection tool for jobs that in the past didn’t require one.
For women, it’s a difficult choice. Unfortunately you can’t take for granted that you will get married (I’m still in disbelief that I managed). Indeed the demand for women education dramatically increased after WWI and WWII because so many men died during the war that there was a significant gender imbalance and many women had to find jobs because they couldn’t find husbands who would support them.
These days, the enemy is not war anymore but the society. Too many people are behaving like spoilt teenagers way into their 20s and 30s. They are unreliable and they are not looking for stable relationships but they just want to have fun. Others are just unable to sustain long term relationships. It’s also difficult to find someone that shares similar goals and values, especially if much of what you believe in is really different from the mainstream. Sometimes it’s just bad luck.
It’s a difficult choice, really. There are no hard and fast solutions. You need to think and pray a lot over it.
Well said Lori and Ken! Thank you for sticking to the truth!
Lol again.
Christian mom and dad= No one is good enough for my daughter. She ‘ain’t’ gunna rely on no man. What if he treats her bad (he doesn’t submit to her and us) and she has to frivorce him? She needs to see the world and get an education!
Christian daughter=No boys like me.
Christian mom and dad=They’re just intimidate by you.
Christian boy=Who wants to like a girl who doesn’t respect me. Who always interrupts me with an opinion that causes an argument and always says she’s better and equal to me in everything.
Christian girl=Where have all the good boys gone? I have to hang out with the bad boys.
Christian mom and dad=Where are all the good boys?
Christian boys= We are sitting next to your daughter in youth group!!!!!!!!!
Christian young woman= There are no good men.
Christian mom and dad=There are no good men.
Christian young men= left the church, MGTOW, married someone after that stage who now says he is abusive because he is to exhausted after working all day to cook and clean for her. Or he is single and happy, but would have rather married a young christian woman who was raised to rely on a husband (and God first) instead of herself.
I think this is a case where each woman needs to seek God for herself and listen– really listen to Him and obey His calling for their lives. There is no one answer that is going to be right for everyone. My father, a strong Christian gentleman, insisted that I go to college and get my degree. He wanted this so much that he completely paid for my entire college education. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing, and when I graduated, my dad was so proud that he cried as my name was called and I walked across that stage. Now, I realize that not everyone’s father is able to completely fund the education as my dad did, however, in my classes, many of my fellow nursing students were attending college in scholarships, financial aid, and grants that they did not have to pay back. The point again, is that each young lady needs to seek God, and the counsel of her parents whom God has called her to submit to ( and, who are hopefully submitting to the Lord). I knew in my teenage years that I would not be able to have children due to a heart defect that required replacement of two of my heart valves. God does call some to singleness, and I truly believed that I was one of these ladies that would be single for life. I worked, attended church, was active in missions, choir, and other ministries, and maintained a small apartment near my parents. I was 30 years old, and extremely content with my life, just as Paul talks about in Philippians chapter 4, when, at the last minute, I went on a cruise with my mom and dad. I had some time off at work, when my mom invited me to go with them. We were seated together at dinner with a group of singles from another church, when one gentlemen invited me to go see a magic show with him. My dad gave me a nod, so I spent the evening with this man. One year later, I married him in a beautiful ceremony at my home church. He knew from the start that I would not be able to have children, and he was okay with that, still feeling that God had called me to be his wife. We have several nieces, nephews, cousins, etc, so our lives are still spent with children. God has been so very good to us! Lori has even said that not all women are called to marry and bear children, and that the MOST important thing is for each woman to seek God for herself.
Unfortunately what you are illustrating is all too true, Jeff. The higher up the education ladder parents push their daughters the less “educational” matches they can find in godly guys. The guy they should have married who would have made them very happy is now an auto mechanic lamenting the fact that the selection of godly girls is slim pickins, at least the ones who want to date him or feel they can marry and “respect him.” He will often go on to find a good match, and retire with plenty in his 401K from hard work, where the girl he had a crush on in youth group goes on to finally marry at 32, continue her career in biotech or medicine, with only 1-2 children raised just like the rest of the world,, except they go to church each Sunday, if she is not divorced by 36.
Don’t misunderstand, readers, I too felt no guy was really good enough for my daughters, and that college was and career was a natural path until the right one came along. But going too deep down that route does risk rising expectations for who one marries, and if outside of God’s will, risks never marrying, or never having kids, or worst of all, marrying the wrong guy feeling the window of marriage is closing fast.
I do wonder what Christian marriages would look like if at 22 there were marriage camps where the guys and girls spent a week getting to know each of the opposite sex, then matching up for a a week alone with one person, then marrying the 3/4’s of the couples that thought they had found their match. Such an approach places far more trust in God and in commitment, than in the dating approach used today to find a spouse. You would only find out what college the person had or had not attended and what career path they were on after the second two weeks when you were already in love. It would make a great TV reality show :). Assuming those attending the camp were godly, these marriages should always remain strong.
Very well said Debbie!
Feminism is all about choices. “Girls can be anything they want!” Why then, are so many so angry about women who want to be wives and mothers? Isn’t that a CHOICE? If there is a way you can be home, BE HOME! And no, I’m not shaming working moms. Sometimes you have no choice. I’ve been there. My daughter is not told she can’t have a career, but she is not told she has to go to college, either.
Women taking jobs a man could have to feed a family and make a career vs a woman having that job and then opting to quit to have kids or complain that she can’t find a husband ( because we know women do not tolerate having a man making less than she does) is in God’s plans?
It seems those who oppose Lori’s post aren’t really reading the introductory sentence: what if the girl doesn’t WANT to go to college? My daughter (who is only 7) says she doesn’t want to go to college, even after asking me about my college experience (it was the only years of schooling I actually enjoyed!). I told her she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to, there are plenty of other things she could do other than college; she enjoys sewing, so I told her she could become a seamstress if she practiced or even considered an apprenticeship somewhere. The other ideas Lori listed are also great! There are so many options out there, a college degree is not the definitive – in fact some of the most successful people I know (business- and otherwise) do not have a college degree!
Thanks as always to both Lori and Ken for keeping it real and being bold in God’s truth. I always enjoy your posts! God Bless you and yours. 🙂
Your views are refreshing on this subject! I have four grown children and a grandchild on the way in December! I was able to homeschool all of our children. I prayed that our daughter would have some sort of skill she could earn money from home with. I taught her the very basics of sewing, she went on to watch online tutorials and became a very skilled seamstress and was also mentored by a professional seamstress who does work out of her home. Her mentor was so in demand that she had to turn customers away so she ended up referring our daughter for the ones she couldn’t do. Our daughter now does wedding alterations out of her home and is able to take as much or as little work as she wishes. No college necessary!