Your Parents Did But You Refuse to Do
What are some things your parents did but you refuse to do? My parents argued frequently in front of us as we were growing up. I refused to do this to my children. My mom loved soap operas so I did, too, as I was growing up but as soon as my oldest daughter turned five years old and began watching them with me, I quit cold turkey along with all other immoral TV shows and movies. My parents didn’t have many boundaries for us as teenagers. We wanted boundaries for our teenagers. Boundaries are protection and they have thanked us as adults.
I asked the women in the chat room this question and here are some of their answers. Some of what these women endured as children will break your heart.
“There won’t be sleepovers. We won’t drink alcohol around our children. We will never cuss, will never push college on her children, and have limited screen time.”
One sadly wrote this, “Hit/beat out of anger. Make a child choose who is right when mom and dad fight. Tell kids financial struggles. Tell kids how much in-laws are despised. Ask kids to hide mail/bills, keep infidelity secrets, have sleepovers, let kids ride in cars with drunks, make kids pay for their own birthday parties with money they received as gifts, leave them home alone and responsible for siblings at a young age, roam the neighborhood and go into people’s homes unsupervised, etc. The kids will not be allowed to physically fight each other or spread lies about each other.”
Another one wrote, ” Tell them they were an accident, push careers/college/feminism. Tell them they are too fat when they are a healthy weight. Convince them they have health problems they don’t have. Call them names. Hit out of anger and for every offense. Tell them they’re the reason for their parents’ failed relationship. Say they won’t forgive them. Steal their money. Leave them alone with evil men. Make them hug those evil men. Leave them home alone to take care of their younger siblings at five years old. I could go on…”
“I will never tell my children they were a mistake or unwanted. I will never put my children against each other, while quietly watching bitterness grow. I will not play favorites to my children or future grandchildren. I will not allow sleepovers or sleep away at summer camps so that hubby and I can get a break. I will not push my girls to ‘have it all’ by getting a successful career, so they never have to depend on a man. I will not leave my children to be raised by daycares/public school systems so that I can work for more stuff/nicer cars/etc. I will not allow my teens to be out all night and unaccounted for. I will not drink in front of them (nor will I drink when they are not around). I will not pick on them about their weight or compare them to a sibling/friend/etc.”
“I will never pretend about Santa Claus, Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy.”
“I will spend time with them and encourage their interests and talents. I will talk to them about God, go to church with them, and encourage a healthy lifestyle with them. I will not tell them they’re stupid or be short with them all the time. I will spend time with them doing some of the activities that they enjoy, encouraging them, and will provide a good environment for them to grow up in.”
“If I can no longer homeschool for whatever reason, I will do everything I can to ensure my children are not placed in a public school. If my children ask to sit with me during church, I will not insist they join their own age group’s service. If my children disappoint me by not choosing to follow my dreams for them, I will not put them down or go on an emotional tirade in order to make them feel guilty and less than. If my children come to me with a health concern, I will not brush it off as nothing because it is too scary for me to think about. I will also not insist on college being the only path to achieving financial success. My parents gave my sisters and me a great childhood, but like all parents, they weren’t perfect.”
“I won’t let them play outside all day unsupervised without knowing where they are or what they are doing.”
” I won’t negatively compare my kids to other children whenever they’re not doing exactly what I want them to do (move the proverbial goalposts like giving a list of chores to do and then being upset when they didn’t do additional things not on the list without being told). I won’t teach them that God will ‘get them’ if they misbehave and refuse to apologize/admit to being wrong. I will not teach my girls to ‘get an education, have a career, and never depend on a man.’ I will never teach them (or my son) that men are ‘stupid, stupid, stupid.’ I will not tear down my husband and in-laws to my children. I will not vent my frustrations about my husband or other people to my children, even as adults.”
“My parents complained about each other in front of us, one parent much more so than the other. I have never and will never do that. Another thing was the instruction I received, ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ I found it hypocritical and an attempt to excuse bad behavior. When I pointed it out, the response I got was ‘I’m an adult; you’re a child.’ As a result, I do not do anything I do not want my children to do. My husband and I apply the same standards to ourselves and strive to be examples to the children.”
“My mom allowed us to watch almost anything on TV and movies. She banned very few (the Goonies being one of those) but Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman was totally fine ?. My mom also allowed us to disrespect each other, therefore,disrespecting her eventually. And that’s putting it politely. I was more of an observer. I did not want to be like my sisters.”
“They let me ‘choose to explore my own faith.’ I also had unrestricted access to TV and internet (when it came out). I didn’t have any household chores and that was really hard to overcome as an adult. We lived on a farm so I wasn’t lazy but I was certainly sloppy. We never went to church and God was something I was left to discover on my own.”
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
43 thoughts on “Your Parents Did But You Refuse to Do”
I’m so grateful I had great parents. They raised me to be independent and think for myself, while also combating the influence of the far Left and radical feminism! There is not much they did wrong or that I would change in raising my own kids, I’d emphasize those same values, of critical thinking and holding to what’s right, not what’s popular.
I could put plenty of things on this list (and once wrote a blog post about them), but I worry more about my own blind spots–the ways I’m messing up without realizing it.
Your post today sure shows how hard parenting is, that all have failed to some degree but all parents love their children. We all need to support each other! We only actually fail when we stop trying. The Bible is a great guide but I do feel the Lord has left us some things to figure out as parents, perhaps as a way for us to pull together? It takes a village.
No, sadly, all parents don’t love their children, Cheri. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to LOVE their children. They may think they do but true love sacrifices for their children, it wants the best for their children, and it loves their children more than it loves itself. Not many women love their children like this. They are taught to love themselves first. Older women are also to teach the younger women how to love their children by teaching them how to train and discipline their children. Young women were never meant to try to figure it out alone. They are to learn it from the older and wise women in their lives.
Ironically, my parents NEVER fought in front of us kids and I went into marriage thinking this was normal and how marriages worked. Granted, I did many things wrong the first 10+ years of our marriage, but I was absolutely devastated by even the slightest argument my husband and I had. I was paralyzed with knowing what and how to think about our fights, and was continually insecure, thinking our marriage was going to be destroyed at any second because we DID fight. I didn’t know how to communicate within those fights, and never saw examples of everyday forgiveness in a marriage because they kept it all behind closed doors. I know it seems backwards, but I needed to see successful discord in marriage growing up.
Dear Lori,
It is important that we define LOVE according to the Word of God and not doctrine –
Jesus Christ said in John 14 : 15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
John reiterated in 1 John 5: 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
This is the definition of love and it is a challenge as it means not homeschooling, staying home training or any other carnal work but following Jesus Christ by Faith in His Word. Following a husband who follows Jesus by faith and leading little ones after those red words is the real battle and the greatest sacrifice and if we love our children our example will be the submission in order to Jesus Christ.
This is the teaching of older women – not child rearing, domesticity and a comely marriage but as Sarah’s children obedience and faith described by Peter in 1 Peter 3: 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
You need to stop thinking for yourself and let the Word of God enter your mind and heart otherwise your talk, works and aspirations will be in vain. There are many ‘good’ parents in hell right now.
The Bible is clear that there should be no strife among believers. This should be our goal. Yes, we fail and ask for forgiveness but a peaceful marriage without conflict is something to be admired. Usually if there is fighting in a marriage, it is because the wife isn’t being submissive to her husband. We fought a LOT before I learned to be submissive. We don’t fight anymore. We discuss things but never fight. It’s such a better way to live!
I had wonderful parents, though I was raised in the People’s Republic of California. God bless my parents, and my church, as they refused to practice birth control, though most ended up on welfare as a result. My parents raised all 18 of us, and gave up their lives for us. My father worked hard, took us to the park every Friday in the Summer, didn’t spare with the rod;), and taught us that morality was more important than good grades in school.
My mother stayed home, was gentle, kind, and always there for the children. Raising 18 children was a ton of work, and I’m sure I still don’t appreciate the work involved.
Thankfully, my parents never drank, used drugs, they stayed faithful, and they never allowed a television in the home. They didn’t allow us to listen to modern music, and they wouldn’t let us go to the movies either. As a result, my childhood friends became Dickens, Dumas, Dr. Dolittle, the Wizard of Oz series, the Black Stallion, the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, etc, etc. I’m extremely grateful my parents introduced us to books that could take us anywhere in time or anywhere in the world. As a result, though I did join the Nuclear Navy, my wanderlust never was very big.
We learned that relationships with God and others is what defines a life. Exactly the two commandments Christ gave, love God and love your neighbor. We knew everyone on our block, and they knew us. We knew everyone at our church and they knew us. We spent all day Sunday at church, and it was amazing! When you spend 18 years, with 1 day a week entirely, and 2 weekly classes, around the same group of people, you form relationships that last a lifetime. When technology came, it showed me how inferior it was to the wonderful relationships formed as a child.
My parents weren’t very affectionate, and since they had 18 children, one can imagine it was not easy to have a lot of one on one time. It wasn’t. But, there were so many people in the church, and adults, it didn’t really matter. No one in the church had a television, unless one spouse wasn’t a member, and that meant their home was a magnet for the rest of us children:).
So, perhaps I’d talk more with my children. Also, on a few occasions, I was spanked out of anger, and that wasn’t prudent, but thinking over all my parents had to deal with, I’m not too sore (No pun intended), and in retrospect, I could have used a few more:). Was a very subtle child.
While I don’t believe in welfare at all, my parents honestly worked as hard as they could. I think it is the job of anyone and everyone but the government to help the poor, and it’s a shame that more did not step up to help. Before welfare came along, poor big families in the community were helped by the wealthy, and the wealthy received the gratitude of the poor. Well, that no longer happens. Beautiful relationships like the one the March family had in Louisa Alcott’s ‘Little Women’ never happen, because government welfare ensures those who give and those who are given never meet each other.
Also, my father was a bit harsh with a few of us, and that’s understandable, because he had so many children. We understood he loved us and gave us good values, however, he was not compassionate with himself, and was a perfectionist, and so this translated over to us.
Theodore Roosevelt said, ‘If you educate the mind, and not the morals, you create a menace to society’
My parents used this advice well.
100 years ago, children were raised without porn, molestation, with two parents, without television, and most of their parents attended church, and the vast majority of parents avoided alcohol and drugs, we even had Prohibition.
That was a culture of life. However, today, with contraception, abortion, masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, television, alcohol, drugs, and far fewer parents attending church, and even fewer attending multiple times a week, we are in a culture of death.
Alas, when shall we return to the culture of life we once knew that gave us life, joy, and peace?
God bless your mother! 18 children!!!!! What a legacy! She must be an incredible woman. That is something to be proud of. And what a testimony you are to be as level headed and God-seeking as you are. People think you “can’t do it right in big families” but big families are their own little town and all help one another and, as I have seen, draw others to them like a light! Oh, God bless the God-loving and God-fearing big family! You are blessed to have grown up with that. And yes, I fail in patience and even disciplining while angry frequently I am ashamed to say, so those light transgressions you recall make your parents even more admirable! It is so hard to be a parent and stay even and calm constantly.
I have only six, and never think of us as having a big family. I’d love more! I always hoped we’d at least have 10! I pray that’s what God wants too!:)
Thank you, S.M.!
My mother was very selfless, devoted, dedicated. She did occasionally become angry, however, we children did plenty to deserve it:).
Raising six children is amazing in a culture where women are having 1.7. Children are such a beautiful blessing. I knew that then when being raised, but even more now.
I loved taking care of my younger siblings, as I was the eldest. On the job training for being a father one day, though, while I consider myself a good salesman, I’ve been incapable of selling a woman in my liberal city on the wonder and joy of marrying, having, and raising children. Used to take it personal, then I realized it had nothing to do with looks or money. My sisters are all very pretty, and got plenty of male attention, but the lure of this death culture is so strong, even they, who had seen the joy up close of a large family, declined to have as many children as possible.
‘Big families are their own little town’
How very true that is!!
And a church full of families who don’t practice birth control, is a nation. I don’t attend any at the moment, due to circumstances which would take far too long to relate, and I don’t wish to bore the reader. But, 99% of the churches don’t actively oppose family planning, and so they are literally dying.
I occasionally failed in patience and discipline as well. Apologizing, and letting them see adults make mistakes too is key. All things considered, my parents did an amazing job. Few people would determine that children were so precious, To have them even if it meant going on welfare. While it is the mans job to provide, women in the work force has diluted it, and made it virtually impossible for a man to support a large family on a single income. And so, selfish people force those who want a lot of children to go on welfare. I only recently discovered how this socialist, Marxist system of the Democrat party is designed to force the people into dependency. It’s called the Cloward-Piven strategy.
https://mobile.wnd.com/2015/07/the-obama-clinton-cloward-piven-legacy/
America needs more enthusiastic, passionate, and loving wives and mothers like you, S.M.!
God bless you!
Our shocking child abuse statistics here in New Zealand (one of the highest in the western world, I believe) proves without a doubt that NOT all parents love their children!
NO parents who love their children abuse them, or let someone else abuse them and they certainly don’t let someone beat them to death!
“… selfish people force those who want a lot of children to go on welfare.”
Here in New Zealand, those who have a lot of children on welfare are the ones who are called selfish, and worse!!
My husband and I only had 4 children, which is all we can afford, and I absolutely resent paying so much tax so others can keep having children that they cannot afford.
Every week I read stories in the news about a “poverty-stricken” family who is at risk of eviction from their damp, mouldy home; their children are malnourished and ill because they can’t afford heating or decent food, or even shoes for school. Usually, it’s a campaign from a charity releasing these stories, looking for more donations to help these low-income families (who are sometimes reliant just on welfare, other times they are working and on welfare to top up their wages) all with 4, 5, 6 or more children. I’m all for helping the poor, and regularly do, as does the Catholic school two of my children attend (via donations/time from the families) but there comes a time when we (taxpayers) have to stand up and say enough is enough! If you cannot afford to support the children you already have, why would you continue having more?
There was a time in the past when we (my husband and I and our kids) were reliant on welfare, so I know how tough it is to try to raise a family on such a tiny amount of money. It is also the sole reason we chose to have no more children – we are struggling financially as it is, and do not wish to bring any more children into the world if we can’t afford to look after them. With the state of our world as it is (wars etc. countries going broke) the safety net of welfare may not always be available.
It is irresponsible and selfish to keep having children if you need welfare to look after them.
I never became a parent, but I sure had a long list of NEVERS if I ever did. Admittedly, I was terrified of being a parent because I was so afraid I’d ruin a child from all the dysfunction I had growing up. Instead of answering the exact question, I’ll tell you what I noticed in my life that made me wish I had had the same. A stay at home mom, parents interested in what I did in school, more boundaries, proud parents, parents that didn’t drink or smoke, & mostly, parents who took me to church. I was fortunate that my gparents stepped in for many Sundays, but there were times we didn’t live near them.
My parents were a train wreck.
What a blessing that the Lord got a hold of your life, Debby! He’s so good.
I am afraid that children throughout history have been molested. Sad, shocking, horrific but true
Loving your child is a choice, like all love is. Just being female and married isn’t what makes you a good mum, you have to choose to love your child, to teach them God’s ways, to affirm their worth, give them confidence. Just like loving your spouse is a choice. I think some couples have children when they are not yet ready to really parent- to selflessly love and nurture their children. that does not mean we are perfect, no parent is perfect, but being a good parent means not only feeding and clothing your child but also leading them to the gospel and caring for them emotionally and spiritually.
Things my parents did but if I had children I wouln’t do:
1/ call me names, yell at me, curse me
2/threaten me with beatings if I made a mistake like forgetting to say please or thank you
3/mocking my mild learning disabilities an dpunishing me for making mistakes in my schoolwork
4/ humiliate me for being fat, rather than teach me healthy eating
5/ invalidate my experiences and feelings
6/ refuse to compliment me in case it made me big headed. laugh, ignore or belittle any good character traits or acheivements I told them about
7/ scream at me for telling them I’d been sexually abused and yell at me for not getting over it enough!
Things I WOULD do that my parents did
1/ teach me the Bible- my fatehr knew his bible well
2/ encourage me to attend Christian youth events, church, sunday school
3/ teach me right from wrong
Amen! Homeschooling and domesticity are good things but even parents who don’t homeschool or have maids or labour saving devices are following the Lord if they are obeying the Word of God. There will be mothers in heaven who did or wer enot able to homeschool or bake their own bread from scratch etc and who may have occasionally had pizza takeaway every now and then! God is after holiness of heart. the rest of it is good wisdom and good advice though!
Oh and they also did some other right things such as
4/ encouraged my love of pets and nature. I learnd to show compassion to animals from them
5/ encouraged my love of music and to develop my gifting in this area (to a certain extent)
My parents never argued in front of me, but I wish they had. Not in a dysfunctional way, of course, but I wish I had been showed how to have a healthy, respectful disagreement. When I got married 8 years ago, I had no idea how to react or respond when my husband and I disagreed. So, I WILL argue in front of my children. I will show them how couples can disagree and still come back together. I will show them how to state their point of view in a respectful, loving manner.
It’s sad that your parents were so abusive, both mentally and emotionally. You should be very proud of yourself you rose above it.
Sadly, you’re right. These crimes against children aren’t a recent thing that began in the 60s and 70s. They’re now more understood and openly discussed.
“It is irresponsible and selfish to keep having children if you need welfare to look after them.” Where does the Bible say that? Did not God open Leah’s womb when He saw that she was hated? (Genesis 29:31) And wasn’t it God who closed the wombs of the house of Abimelech for their sin of ignorance towards Sarah? (Genesis 20:18) Or write in His word, over and over, how it it He that forms life in the womb? (Is 44:24, Job 31:15, Is 44:2, Is 49:5, Ps 22:9+10, Job 10:8-12, Ps 100:3) Scripture is clear to let us know that fertility is not of us but of God, can we not trust that God knows what He’s doing? The Bible says “For we walk by faith, not by sight:” ( 2 Cor 5:7) which inspires me to believe that if I was looking at my bank account that said $0.00, and had just found out that I was pregnant with my 7th child, I would leap for joy that God has yet again blessed me! The Bible says that “the fruit of the womb is HIS REWARD.” (Ps 127: 3) Our babies are for Him, not for us! “yea let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.” Of course there is going to be lazy parents, neglegent parents, and users of kind people, and that is always frustrating; but I would advise you to be very careful to never call something that God has blessed a cursing, even if that blessing is the twelfth child born unto welfare recipients.
Amen! With God ALL things are possible and He is our Provider.
God wants us to pursue peace with all men including our husbands. Instead of teaching your children how to argue, teach them how to discuss things while continuing to be kind and gentle. This is a much more important thing to model to them.
Hi Lori! Not related to the post, but I was wondering what your thoughts are on climate change? How should modern Christianity engage with this issue?
I am one of 3 siblings. My brother and sister were born in a different country to me. Mum was never a cuddly mum, nor did she show much affection. I swore that when I had kids, I would not be like that. Mum was very unsettled, and went back to her country of birth a number of times. Because I was the youngest by a long way, I had disruptive schooling, friendships broken. I developed depression in my teens,still have it in fact. My son only changed high school once when we moved to the country. But, I was lucky that there was no drug or alcohol problems in our house.
Mara – There is a difference between relying on welfare when laid off from work or due to injury etc. and continuing to have children when you are a long-term welfare beneficiary. Welfare is a safety net, not a career choice. The Bible makes it very clear that we should not be relying on welfare. (2 Thessalonians 3:10, 1 Timothy 5:8 and many more, especially in Proverbs which speak about working.)
Of course the Bible doesn’t mention unemployment benefits, because there wasn’t any such thing back then. Instead, the church was expected to support the widows, but there was criteria for that; widows weren’t automatically supported. She had to be over 60, the wife of one husband, known for good works etc. Paul was quite clear that the church should use wisdom in choosing who they support and that we have a responsibility to use the finances He has given us, wisely. How is choosing to continue having children while on welfare, wise?
Proverbs 6:6-11 show us by using the ant as an example, about saving up and preparing for hard times ahead. There’s nothing in there about having as many children as possible and relying on someone else to pay for them. It shows quite clearly that God wants us to be responsible.
I’m absolutely not calling babies (even those born to parents on welfare) a curse! I’m not sure how you read that into my comment, but it wasn’t at all what I was saying. Of course babies are a blessing! The Bible makes that very clear. It is precisely *because* they are a blessing and a gift that we must be responsible when choosing to have them. We must make certain we can adequately provide for them, and give them the best of care. Not luxuries, but meeting all their needs. It’s very difficult, if not impossible, to do that on welfare. At least, it is where I live, and we have a very generous social welfare system here.
But most importantly, Colossians speaks of Christians being above reproach. How can we be above reproach if we are not using the social welfare system as it was meant to be used (as a safety net for times of unemployment and/or injury and to support the old, ill and disabled) but instead as a means to support our ever-growing family of many children?
I’m wondering if you two are really in disagreement? To “argue” can mean “to fight,” but it can also describe a conversation in which differing points of view are discussed with a view toward arriving at some solution. Certainly all husbands and wives need to learn to bring up disagreements in a civil and loving manner, as befits believers. My 4-year-old asked me the other day why Daddy never got mad at me, which I think indicates my husband and I have a pretty harmonious relationship.
It’s not even proven to be true, Greorgina, and besides, this isn’t our home. We obey the Lord and live for eternity. This world will be burned up one day by God Almighty.
Hello Georgina,
There is a lot of disinformation about this topic, and many others. https://www.amazon.com/Disinformation-Strategies-Undermining-Attacking-Promoting/dp/1522605088,
However, I’ve got my own website, Messanonews.com, and the Christian, conservative websites on the top post, have many articles refuting the indoctrination being spread insidiously by the schools and media.
Hope that helps.
Lori is right, it’s not even proven to be true at all. That’s being charitable, as it’s a giant hoax.
Just read an article on BarbWire, a fabulous Christian website, about this, just this morning.
https://barbwire.com/the-three-pillars-of-climate-change/
People have been practicing mortal and venal since since the beginning of time. We just hear about it more now due to technology enabled communication.
I do believe that we need to be the salt of the earth and a light to others. I don’t agree with specific rules on what followers of God should do based on a specific church’s guidelines (e.g., no TV, internet, public school, sleepovers, summer camp, etc.). God says while we are in the world we don’t have to be OF it and we should share our light with others. I don’t see how you can share you light to others that truly need it if you belong to a homogenous church or keep you children near you at all times. They need to experience the world, taking what they are taught at home and go out and do good.
Nowhere are we told that children should “experience the world.” This is not biblical. We are to raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. We are the ones called to be separate and protect them from the wickedness in the world. Then, when they are older, they can go out and be salt and light but not when they are children.
For some reason I can’t respond back to KAK under her comment, but this a response to the second comment she made:
Proverbs 6:6 says, “Go to the ant thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise:”
Wise with what, exactly?
7″Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,
8″Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest”.
Oh, so she was supposed to be wise in finding work, not tying her tubes!
2 Thessalonians 3:10 “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.”
Amen! This verse would encourage many lazy parents to find jobs, not birth control pills!
1 Tim 5:10 says about the eligible widow, “Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children. . .” Notice how it doesn’t say if she was responsible with choosing to have only the kids she could afford.
You said, “It is precisely *because* they are a blessing and a gift that we must be responsible when choosing to have them.” This leads me to my next point. Proverbs chapter 6 later goes on to say, starting in verse 16 “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him.
17 “A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,”
When you treat children born unto welfare recipients as the problem, you are, by default, encouraging those parents to go to the hands that shed innocent blood; the abortion doctors. “Choice” is the word that has been responsible for 1.5 billion murdered babies worldwide. (http://www.numberofabortions.com/)
Christian men should be working for their families, but Christians should also have faith that God will provide for the babies He gives them! Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Matt 7: 7 says, ” Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
And, lastly, here is a beautiful article from Above Rubies ministries that wonderfully describes the faith we should have in God to determine our family size. (http://aboverubies.org/index.php/2013-11-12-17-55-51/english-language/family-planning/774-family-planning-contraception)
Mara – It comes down to the way we personally understand the Bible, and personal conviction, obviously.
I attend a very conservative, KJV-Bible-teaching home fellowship (an international one) with a homeless ministry – pairs of preachers going out in faith, penniless, possession-less, and homeless, just as Jesus sent His disciples. Our church teaches that children are a blessing, absolutely. It also teaches that God expects us to be responsible for the children that He has blessed us with. It teaches that there is nothing sinful in preventing future babies (not having abortions!) when health and financial reasons means future children, and the ones we already have, will suffer due to limited resources already being stretched. It also teaches how the Bible quite clearly does not advocate living on welfare, but instead earning an honest living. The Bible verses I mentioned above are just some of the verses that explain why my church teaches these things.
If you are convicted otherwise, you should follow your convictions – after all, we’re each going to stand in front of our Lord on the judgement day, and explain ourselves. I believe He is going to expect us to have followed the individual convictions He has laid on our hearts.
If you believe God wants you to have as many children as possible, even though you have to rely on a benefit to feed them, that’s between you and the Lord.
My beliefs are different, for the reasons I outlined above, and after discussing this extensively with church elders, my beliefs have not changed.
I have read a huge number of blogs written by women who were once part of the Quiverfull movement, both wives and daughters, and their experiences are absolutely heartbreaking. I do not believe that is what God wants of His children. But again, if you do, that’s between you and the Lord.
Wow, this was an awesome post! It’s so interesting how many common themes run through the responses. These were good reminders for me as to what NOT to do. Thanks!
I know some families who have as many children as the Lord blesses them with and they love having large families for HAPPY is the man who has a quiverful, the Bible tells us. These families didn’t make sure they could afford them, they trusted in the Great Provider while they were having these children. I sure wouldn’t listen to disgruntled people who came out of the quiverful movement to get my views. God tells us to be fruitful and multiply and that children are a blessing. I prefer to listen to Him!
To KAK
God told His disciples that it takes faith the size of a mustard seed to cast a mountain into the sea! That’s an incredible saying! How many Christians nowadays actually believe that?! I can’t imagine too many. For how can I trust God, who is Almighty, to move mountains, if I don’t even trust Him with my womb?
My mom (i didn’t have father) slept around, brought into home everytime new stranger, she blamed me for beeing “atractive to those strangers, she was putting us down (with my sister) till now, calling us names, didn’t prepare us for Godly marriage, didn’t tell us we have to save our virginity… Use us financially, if I can help, she is very angry.. She didn’t come to my wedding… And so on…
Can I ask what is wrong with children having sleepovers? For example, is there something wrong with a young girl having her best friend (e.g. a friend from a trusted family that the girl’s parents know well) over to have dinner, watch a children’s movie, and sleep over? Is there something wrong with the literal act of sleeping at someone else’s home?
Here is a post I wrote about sleepovers:
http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/molested-at-sleep-overs.html
I totally understand that blog post and the dangers that can potentially come from allowing sleepovers. However would your opinion be any different if the sleepover was at the home of a fellow church going family that you (the parents) know and trust, with children that are kind, respectful and good? Or what about cousins (or relatives in general) having sleepovers?
It’s just hard for me to apply your blog post linked above to ALL sleepovers.
For me, I went to a Christian school almost all of my schooling life and made wonderful friends from Godly homes. The sleepovers I had were full of innocent fun and my friends parents would always pray for us before we went to sleep, as well as talk about God with us. I don’t remember anything negative occurring at them.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to reply.
It’s completely your decision to make, Amy!