Your Happiness Does Not Negate the Word of God

Your Happiness Does Not Negate the Word of God

Many believe they can have it all. Women are not immune to this thinking: believing that they can have a career, a marriage, and children without someone or something suffering. Too often those who suffer the most are those who “gain the whole world but lose their soul.” They lose the things that are of eternal value for nothing but wood, hay and stubble that are to be burned up in the end. A life well lived will not be a life that was happy, but one that sought happiness in building its foundation on things of everlasting value. The things that God says He blesses. “Happy is that people, whose God is the LORD” (Psalm 144:15).

Women write me saying how happy they are doing things of this world, even after being presented with God’s Word. They tell me that what they are doing is “working” for them, and somehow I am to believe that so long as it works for them and makes them happy, it must be okay. Certainly God wants His children to be happy, right?  They tell me this often when I teach them that God’s will for them is to be keepers at home. They would be bored at home. They “need” to use their talents away from their homes. Their careers make them happy and fulfilled. One woman wrote on my Facebook page that she’s a nurse with a husband and children who thinks it’s fine to not be a keeper at home but to continue on with her career because she has a “happy and fulfilling life.”

One wise woman responded to her this way: “I hope everything stays happy for you. Keep in mind that your happiness does not negate the word of God. ‘God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou might be justified in thy sayings, and might overcome when thou art judged’” (Romans 3:34). The thing is, by putting your children in school and leaving them with others, carries with it the potential for all kinds of wickedness. There’s no need to list them because some of you deal with it on a daily basis.

Another thing to consider, you may very well be happy, but it is not the level of joy that God intended for you. You’re underestimating the joy that God has in store for you. You’re actually forfeiting blessings that God intended for you to specifically have. Many women don’t know that God actually calls us to be keepers of the home. Sometimes, we believe it’s just an old-fashioned view. Therefore, many women start careers and/or send their kids to daycare and school because they didn’t know any better in the beginning. This is when it becomes a good time to prayerfully examine yourself and your life and make a decision. This falls into the category of sacrifice.

Consider for a moment that the word “blessing” in the Bible is often translated “happy” because the two words go hand-in-hand. Should not the things that God blesses be those things that we seek to set up as the foundation of our lives? The world has many things that can make us happy in the short run, but God’s blessings are the things of substance that endure for an eternity.

“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). If God has blessed marriage, family and children, will He not also bless the full-time homemaker? After all, she may be the one through whom many of God’s blessings flow. Will God not fill her up with great happiness and joy knowing that the foundation she is building may be with a great and worthy sacrifice, but when done well, with God and His will at the center of it all, it produces far greater eternal value than any other career?  What career can compare to growing up two, three, five, nine, or even thirteen little souls who will be glorifying God together with you for eternity? “Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:5).

There is little in this world of any lasting value that is not won with hard fought sacrifice. Women are going into careers in droves, sacrificing the best years of marriage, family and baby making for some elusive dream of doing something important and worthwhile with their lives, all the while not considering that perhaps the most worthwhile things they can be do is to seek the things that God blesses. Does God say he blesses careers?  Hard work, yes, but on women in careers God is silent. No blessings are promised,  But for the full-time mom with her little brood under her watchful eye, her caring hands and loving work, such things God has asked of us. What God asks and promises, He will abundantly bless those who do things His ways.

Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.
 1 Corinthians 3:12-15

24 thoughts on “Your Happiness Does Not Negate the Word of God

  1. Nor does your happiness entitle you to deprive your kids of a stable childhood in a traditional family! Divorce culture and “any family is a real family” propaganda breed children with daddy issues, promiscuity, depression, and countless other mental health issues!

    1. I would say that this is usually how the “God wants you to be happy” outlook plays out–the wife decides that she isn’t happy, that surely God wants her to be happy, and that therefore she is justified in blowing up the family.

  2. Great post, Lori!

    Gods will is to lead men and women to duty, truth, and liberty. Happiness is a byproduct.

    Duty over desire, may that inspire.

    I’ve known hundreds of women who married, stayed home, and didn’t practice birth control. Their children and grandchildren, along with their husbands, revered and blessed them for the rest of their lives, if they raised them as God wills. Even for those who didn’t do well raising their children, God is merciful to the penitent.

    I’ve also known hundreds of women who finished college, got a job, and refused to have children. These women often use lots of substances, either alcohol or drugs, they like to travel and spend money, and their older years are often full of loneliness and sorrow. They can repent and join a church, but few do.

    In evaluating the joy, peace, and compassion of the two groups of women, it’s no contest. The women who stay home, love their husbands and children, and don’t practice birth control are incredibly joyful. It almost doesn’t make sense.

    But, the Bible does say,

    ‘Those who sow in tears, shall reap in joy’

  3. Hello Mrs. Alexander, I am very encouraged by your post, and very much agree with you. I am dealing with the tribulation that comes with making such radical decisions about being a homemaker, even though I was a straight A student in highschool. People very close to me are saying that I am wasting my intelligence. I have a few questions to help me be more clear to the doubters that this is a calling from God. If in an ideal world, everyone was a Christian, who would constitute as our nurses? Is it alright for a woman to be treated by a male nurse? I think women can still be financially successful without having out of home careers, depending on their skill sets, and only as a part of creating the home, not as a method away from the home.

      1. Don’t forget there are some women not called to marriage. Not every woman is. They are called to love of God, chastity and charity. Those women are still called to nurturing careers. I know quite a few ER nurses and others who are single, God -fearing women that were truly not called to be married. My older sister was a dedicated teacher, she seriously changed scores of children’s lives…she died suddenly at 27 but she spent a life of sacrifice and service. She wasn’t married. I couldn’t have imagined her married. Not because she was a feminist. She wasn’t. She just wasn’t called to marriage.

        1. I don’t believe it’s a matter of being called or not, S.M. A godly man may have entered her life at one time who she may have married. Marriage is good. God created it for us so we wouldn’t be alone and can bear and raise children. Most people should be married but in our present culture, most would rather live together with no commitment rather than be married.

  4. Satan has done his job well in confusing a lot of women. I don’t know a man alive that would say: I’m going to be a plumber and an electrician — at the same time. Or, I’m going to be a lawyer and doctor — at the same. Or, I’m going to be a firefighter and a police officer — at the same time.

    It’s not humanly possible to do things at the same time … and do both of them well. Men instinctively KNOW this. But women …. some of them … not able to see very clearly.

    If women want to choose to have a career they should be free to do so. But to have kids and call yourself a mother AND do a career; it’s an oxymoron. Homemaking encompasses not only the job of domestics but more importantly, it’s the job of BEING IN the home, quite literally. It is the BEING IN the home that allows you to do the mothering. Birthing a human doesn’t make you a mother … unless you actually * do * the career of mothering, yourself. (1 Tim 2:15)

    Unfortunately, they believe they can nurture a career for the reward of a paycheck and at the same time nurture a home for the reward from God—at the same time. No, they can’t … not when they outsource mothering.

    1. @Robyn
      “I don’t know a man alive that would say: I’m going to be a plumber and an electrician”
      “But to have kids and call yourself a mother AND do a career; it’s an oxymoron.”
      Men are plumbers and fathers at the same time. Not sure why you think otherwise.

  5. As a child of the 80s/90s, I was raised in a society that believed women can have it all. Now, I’m starting to see women admitting that we *can’t* have it all – women who were proudly proclaiming that we can, just 20-odd years ago. They’ve done an abrupt turn, and admitted to feelings of inadequacy, stress, exhaustion, depression, guilt, and sadness that they missed out on so much of their children’s lives.

    I had faithful parents, grandmother, and friends who all taught me the opposite was true – that we can’t have it all – and I’ve been lucky enough to see the immense blessing God heaps on the lives of those who truly, joyfully obey Him. My lovely, Godly mentor is dead now, after a battle with breast cancer, but I will never, ever forget the joy that she had in the Lord. Even when she was crippled with pain, the Lord filled her with joy because she was truly serving Him. It’s a joy deep inside, that nothing in this world can give us. The joy from the Lord is different – it’s there irrespective of whatever challenges our life may give us – poverty, ill health, struggles etc. That joy from God remains, and it’s so obvious to those who are looking on. I think it’s one of those “lights” God tells us to shine on the world – that incredibly joy He gives us.

    My own husband has sought happiness in the world and ignored the words of Jesus (although he knows his Bible very well) and he has told me, over and over again, that there is nothing in the world. Nothing. Things of the world can dull our pain and emotions, but the joy God can give us will over-ride completely, all that emotional pain we carry.

    It can be so hard for me, as a busy wife and mother prone to depression, to remember that my happiness does not come from any job, but it comes from the blessings God has given me – my beautiful children, my husband – and following His word.

  6. Being single is not a sin if the woman or man has the gift of celibacy which means they are not likely to be tempted to commit fornication. Paul made this clear. The reality is that few women or men have this gift, so are likely to become tempted. Also some of us are extreme shy introverts, but many women and men out there would feel lonely living on their own. As a shy introvert type, I am happy living alone NOW, but what happens when I become old and my friends start dying? I can see myself being lonely then.

  7. I do think though, that there is no one size fits all. Am sure God intends most marry and/or have children, but it is up to the individual to seek God for themselves. Get to grow in God, join a good church, pray with other women, study to hear the voice of God, get to know yourself and your interests, hobbies, pleasures etc and God will make His path known to you. But that is just my opinion- at the end of the day God knows us best, and even the best teachers only see through a glass darkly.

    We are human, and in spite of our best intentions we make mistakes but if we confess them to God, He will help us with the consequences (even if He does not take them away, sometimes He doesn’t). Remember that whether we are married, single, childfree or parent, our identity is in Christ and we are sealed in Him until the day of redemption.

    Our sins have consequences but they cannot keep us from Heaven if we are abiding in Jesus and doing the best we can. Hearing His voice takes paractice, and we all have our own baggage that may distort our spiritual “ears” at times. We must ask Jesus to give us ears to hear Hima nd aheart willing to obey, but if we are in Christ we will never be condemned on Judgement Day. We may lose rewards, as Lori touched on (stubble wood hay etc) but our souls have been sealed with Him forever unless we decide to walk away from God and never turn back. The way is narrow compared to the way the world is walking on, but it not so narrow as a tightrope. We should never insult God’s grace by sinning wilfully and deliberately but let us not go to other extreme of believing that singleness and childlessness mean God can never use us.

  8. you are a daughter of the king- be careful when you decide who to marry- do not settle. Never marry a man who shows abusive tendancies (physicallly or vaerbally) or is a porn addict. If a man like that proposes to you, he will not die because you turn him down. I know this seems obvious, but many of us Christian girls were raised in homes where saying “No” or setting boundaries was discouraged and we were taught to see oursleves as ragamuffins not royal daughters of the king. if you hate yourself and are insecure you are liable to attract men who are lower than the standard God wants. Similarly, Princesses, remember to choose a man you will love and honour like a Prince!!! I only want to marry a man I can respect and see as a royal son of God.

    1. While I agree with most of what you said, as a guy I to often see the glorification of women. Yes you are the daughter of the king, but only because Christ died not because you are a women. What we deserve is death and hell but it is because of Grace that we obtain the things mentioned above.

    2. Having been (mostly happily) married for 17 years to a man who is not perfect, all I can say is: you can’t help who you love.
      If you’re marrying for anything other than love, I can’t see it working out. But if you’re marrying the man you fell head-over-heels for, even if he’s got faults (and he will!) you can be happy. Choosing to submit to the man you love, vices and all, will most likely bring happiness.
      Of course, I’m not advocating marrying an abusive man. But a good man, who captures your heart, even if he is not perfect, even if he has addictions and bad habits, can still make a mighty fine husband.
      And remember the saying: behind every successful man is a good woman. We women have so much power to change our men for the better, and bring out the best in them, and make them want to be better men.

      1. Of course you can help who you love! Love is a choice, it’s a commitment. Read 1 Cor 13 for the definition of love. It has nothing to do with feelings, romance, and what Hollywood makes it out to be.

  9. Dear Lori
    I thank you that you are teaching the truth and that you are not compromising. I have a great struggle. My husband wants me to work. So I am working. I agreed to work since he started to become very angry with me not working. It seemed as if my marriage was suffering from me being home. I am a submissive wife. That is why I am working again. I was homeschooling my kids, started a baking business, because my husband started to put pressure on me to go work, so I tried to support him financially by running a small baking stall at a night market, which one of my oldest daughters ran, I and the other two kids would bake the bread during the day and in the evening she would sell it for us at the night market. In Taiwan, it is like food markets for people to buy their food before they go home.
    So we were homeschooling, baking bread and through it all I tried to survive the load. After three months God stopped it. Everything was too much for me, but I did not crack or had a meltdown or was moaning about anything, just as long as my husband would allow me to stay home.
    But Satan had his way, my husband did not agree with how things turned out. He did not want to see me working so hard, my children would complain that their Homeschooling is suffering from the baking, which is true if you look at it from a schooling perspective, but from a real homeschooling perspective, the baking business actually was such amazing schooling.
    But anyway, because I was working too hard, I always tried to hide it, but anyways, (here in Taiwan as a teacher I could have an 8-4 job and have a stable earning, my kids can go to international schools, because we are teachers). So that was my husbands dream for us. I go back to work, earn a good “living”, our kids get the best education they can get. We are a happy family.
    So, that is what I am doing now. I went back to work, my two kids (16, 14) are in school now. And I am dying of guilt.
    I know I am submissive to my husbands choice for me to be back at work, but I am hurt. Hurt because in four years time I could never convince my husband to stay home was the best thing for our family. He sees that I only wanted to be lazy. He left me to everything, housekeeping, homeschooling, active in the church, then also the baking business and it seemingly is that I did such a bad job at it, that he felt I should rather work and contribute financially to the family.
    I am heartbroken and it is hard not to feel angry at him. He feels that he is willing to give me everything and that he is asking so little.
    I am a failure Lori. I could not do what God intended for me to do. I tried so hard.
    In the meanwhile, my husband was diagnosed with COPD. That was the final reason for me to enter the workforce again. Stress is the worst thing that can cause flare-ups.
    At this stage, because I also believe all you believe, my heart becomes withdrawn from my husband. Because we have such a beautiful marriage we both are feeling it.
    I don’t tell him how I feel, because it never helped as I stayed home and because I feer he feels I don’t want to support him and that I am selfish and lazy.
    Anyways, this is a great time of struggle for me and to keep my marriage safe from it is hard. I feel at a dead end.
    I love my husband so much and I know he loves me just as much, if not even more.
    God bless your blog and thank you for your honesty.

    1. You are obeying your husband, Talita, and this is what God calls you to do. Every single day, lay this burden upon the Lord and ask Him to make a way for you to come back home, then rest in Him and His timing. He will give you the comfort, strength, and wisdom to do what you are supposed to do.

      1. Dearest Lori

        As I was writing to you and send my message to you I remembered how I was reading your answer to a lady in the same situation that I am finding myself at now and that already gave me peace and I felt free from worry and anger.

        I want to thank you for your wisdom. It usually helps me a lot. I have no older lady I can turn to for biblical help or on marriage God’s way.

        God bless me to know you. Thank you.

        You are a great blessing, God is so great.

        Hope you have a beautiful day.

  10. Agreed to Dave’s comment.

    Also, like other’s have said, not everyone is called to marriage. If you have the gift of singleness as Paul taught, then you don’t need a spouse. I personally don’t understand how this would work, as I don’t have such a gift – unfortunately (given this feminist culture) lol. I have a friend who seems to have this gift.

    Most of us are called to marry a Christian spouse, however.

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