A True and Noble Wife

A True and Noble Wife

Written By J. R. Miller

The wife who would always hold in her husband’s heart the place she held on her wedding day will never cease striving to be lovely. She will be as careful of her words and acts and her whole bearing toward him as she was before marriage. She will cultivate in her own life whatever is beautiful, whatever is winning, whatever is graceful.

She will scrupulously avoid whatever is offensive or unwomanly. She will look well to her personal appearance; no woman can be careless in her dress, slatternly, and untidy, and long keep her place on the throne of her husband’s life. She will look well to her inner life. She must have mental attractiveness. She will seek to be clothed in spiritual beauty. He husband must see in her ever-new loveliness as the years move on. As the charms of physical beauty may fade in the toils and vicissitudes of life, there must be more and more beauty of soul to shine out to replace the attractions that are lost.

She should always care more to please him than any other person in the world. She should prize more highly a compliment from his lips than from any other humans lips. Therefore she should reserve for him the sweetest charms; she should seek to bring ever to him some new surprise of loveliness; she should plan pleasures and delights for him.

Instead of not caring how she looks or whether she is agreeable or not when no one but her husband is present, she should always be at her best for him. Instead of being bright and lovely when there is company, then relapsing into languor and silence when the company is gone, she should seek always to be brightest and loveliest when only he and she sit together in the quiet of the home.

Again let me say that no wife can overestimate the influence she wields over he husband, or the measure in which his character, his career and his very destiny are laid in her hands for shaping. The sway which she holds over him is the sway of love, but it is mighty and resistless. If she retains her power, if she holds her place as queen of his life, she can do with him as she will.

If she has in her soul noble womanly qualities, if she has true thought of life, if she has purpose, strength of character and fidelity to principle, she will be to him an unfailing inspiration toward all that is noble, manly and Christlike. The high conceptions of life in her mind will elevate his conceptions. Her firm, strong purpose will put vigor and determination into every resolves and act of his.

Her purity of soul will cleanse and refine his spirit. Her warm interest in all his affairs and her wise counsel at every point will make him strong for every duty and valiant in every struggle. Her careful domestic management will become an important element of success in his business life.

Her bright, orderly, happy homemaking will be a perpetual source of joy and peace, and an incentive to nobler living. Her unwavering fidelity, her tender afffectionateness, her womanly sympathy, her beauty of soul, will make her to him God’s angel indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping, guiding and blessing him. Just in the measure in which she realizes this lofty ideal of wifehood will she fulfill her mission and reap the rich harvest of her hopes.

Such is the “woman’s lot” that falls on every wife. It is solemn enough to make her very thoughtful and very earnest. How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by any mere moral posturing so as to seem to have lofty purpose and wise thoughts of life, not by any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband’s duties and on manly character; she can do it only by being in the very depth of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is.

So it all comes back to a question of character. She can be a good wife only by being a good woman and she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere save in Christ can she find the wisdom and strength she needs to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming and empearling of character, which shall make her lovely in her husband’s sight when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live so as to be blessed and a blessing to her married life.

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

19 thoughts on “A True and Noble Wife

  1. Lori,

    Tears streamed down my face as I read this lyrical music for my soul today. It’s like poetry for my heart.

    I shared it with my two noble daughters, telling them that I plan to write this out for myself as a prayer. I want to be this wife of noble character.

    Where did you find this piece?


  2. Beautiful and powerful words!

    A couple of thoughts.

    “Again let me say that no wife can overestimate the influence she wields over he husband…” This influence can be for good or for evil. A (wise) wife can build her husband (and her house) up with her virtuous deeds, respectful attitude and words and cause him to become more than he ever could have become on his own OR she can tear, what might have been an otherwise good, strong and productive man, (and her house) down to nothing. She can be as life giving nourishment or become a rottenness cancer in his bones that literally kills him via a slow and excruciatingly painful death.

    I still do not understand how most woman seem to have this built in belief that they DESERVE to be cherished and treated like princesses (by men) just because they are women. That’s delusional. Not the way it works. Men cherish what is valuable to them.

    The Proverbs 31 woman’s worth was judged to be more valuable than rubies; her husband trusted and praised her and her children rose up and called her blessed. This was not the case just because she existed as a woman, it was because of her virtue and hard work! She did her husband good (and not evil) all the days of her life. She worked tirelessly to take care of her husband, her home and her children. It was the product of her hands that brought her honor and praise. It was the fear of the Lord that produced the product of her hands.

    Ladies do you really fear and serve the Lord? The proof (so to speak) is in the pudding.

    This is such an eloquently written article overflowing with deep wisdom and truth. All of it is excellent but that second to the last paragraph is pure gold. Concluding with… “She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is.” Wow! What a sobering truth.

    Thanks for sharing it Lori.

    1. You’re welcome, Trey. Yes, it’s a powerful piece and something we don’t hear being taught many places but yes, a wise woman builds up her home and a foolish one tears it down with her own hand.

    2. Trey – I absolutely DESERVE to be treated like a princess and cherished by my husband not because I am a woman, but because I am his wife. Just as he deserves to be loved, respected, admired and treated like a king because he is my husband. We vowed to treat each other like this, for the rest of our lives, on the day that we got married.

      I understand that people get bitter and resentful – I’ve been there. And of course we have deviated from that promise we made to each other, and we paid for it.

      But yes, I absolutely believe that I DESERVE to be treated well by my husband, simply because I am his wife. And he DESERVES to be treated well by me, simply because he is my husband. Neither of us should have to do anything to earn this – it should be automatically given because of who we each are to the other person. When one half of the marriage decides their spouse does not deserve this, the marriage is in trouble.

        1. But we’re not God, and God’s wrath has no bearing on how we should be treating those around us. God has told us in His word how He wants us to treat people – with love and kindness.

          Why do we love our children? I love mine not just because they’re awesome little people, but because I (and my husband) brought them into this world, and they deserve to be treated with love, kindness, compassion and consideration every single day.

          In the country I live in, we have a very high child abuse rate. It is awful. One of the most prominent cases recently was where a little boy was tortured to death by his caregivers – the excuse used in court was that the little boy was “naughty” and “rubbed him (the murderer) up the wrong way”. It doesn’t matter how badly this little boy behaved (although by all accounts, his behaviour was normal 3 year old boy behaviour) he DESERVED to be treated with kindness and love. I don’t believe God created this little boy to be treated with anything less than kindness and love.

          Do you see what I’m getting at, here? God tells us in His word to be kind, loving, compassionate etc. towards others. This was a commandment given by Jesus – to love others. If we didn’t deserve to be treated well by other people, I don’t believe He would have given us this commandment. He tells us to treat random strangers, and our enemies, with love! Human nature tells us these people don’t “deserve” this, but we’re still commanded to do it. How much more, then, are our spouses deserving of being treated well, like Princesses and Kings, when they’re the person we’ve chosen to love and spend the rest of our lives with?

          1. Yes, we are commanded to love others and treat them as we want to be treated but women tend to place unfair expectations upon their husbands as in a sense of entitlement which is not biblical. We are even told if we are married to a husband who is disobedient to the word (not to make him treat us like a princess or queen or place any expectations upon him) BUT to live in subjection to him with godly behavior and win him without a word.

            Expectations almost destroyed my marriage because I expected him to treat me a certain way and do certain things for me. Once I only focused upon my behavior and how I treated him did our marriage improve for the good.

  3. Such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing! That’s the kind of wife I strive to be every single day! Please know that I’m continuing to pray for your sister. Tell me, how is she doing? Also, are you affected by the mud slides? Praying for everyone involved.

    1. Thank you, Debbie! I sure appreciate that. Yes, they are doing great but moving from home to home. They finally found a rental that they will be living in while their home is rebuilt.

      No, we aren’t near the mudslides but we have friends who live in Santa Barbara. The devastation is terrible.

  4. YES!! I love J.R. Miller! Homemaking is one of my favorite books. I have bought it for friends who are newly married. I am reading a devotional by him as well called “Beautiful Living”. :o) It is great!!

  5. Lori,
    I love this post and I want to get the book. We too have friends in Santa Barbara. I had been dreading the casualty list and my heart is broken over the loss of the children there.

    1. One of our friends, a young woman, was renting a cottage in Montecito but moved out a few months ago. A few other young women rented the cottage after our friend left and they are both missing. 🙁 It’s so sad.

  6. This post is so true. Us wives have so much power and influence over our husbands. Let us use it wisely!
    My husband always likes it when I dress nicely for him, instead of saving my best clothes for others. And once, when I had a conversation with someone else and jokingly said “I’m married now, so I can let myself go” he laughed, but I could tell he was hoping I’m not going to!

  7. This article was lovely, Lori! Thanks! I’m printing it off for my notebook to re-read often!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  8. Oh thank you so much Lori( for this post) and Trey( for your contribution..i have read some of your comments and they are filled with wise teaches).I pray to be this true and noble wife.

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