Are Immodest Women Responsible for Causing Men to Lust?

Are Immodest Women Responsible for Causing Men to Lust?

There’s something strange going on among women concerning the issue of modesty. They seem to want to believe that all men who lust are perverts and good men never lust. They also want to believe that a woman can dress however she wants (thong bikinis, leggings, etc.) and if a man lusts, it’s all the man’s sin. They don’t want to explain to their daughters that they should dress modestly so as not to cause men to lust after them. Instead, they only want to teach them modesty because they are valuable and should dress in a way that brings them honor.

First of all, all men who lust aren’t perverts. Every man has lusted at one time in his life or another. Jesus addressed the issue of lusting after women to men for a reason. They are attracted to the naked bodies of females. This is a God-given desire to help populate the earth and it’s good within the boundaries of marriage. Outside of marriage, it is sin if they lust or take it farther than this.

Secondly, women cannot dress however they want and expect men not to lust and if then the men do lust, they falsely believe that it’s the men’s fault alone. We are warned not to cause others to stumble and when a woman dresses so a lot of her flesh is showing and the clothes are tight-fitting, she will easily cause men to stumble so yes, she is partly responsible for their sin.

Women get all hysterical about this. They don’t want to take any blame and they act as if this is shaming them. It’s all about them and what they want and heaven forbid anyone explains to them the truth of men’s struggles. I don’t understand this because to me, I clearly know that men are attracted to immodestly dressed women and it can cause them to lust, therefore, I dress modestly. I don’t feel any shame about it and I certainly don’t want to be blamed for causing men to stumble so I cover up.

I have no idea why mothers have problems with explaining how the male mind works. I believe it is protection for their daughters and will make them wiser in how they dress, how they relate to men and eventually being a wife. It’s good for them to know male’s struggles just as it is good for males to know female’s struggles. Knowing that dressing modestly is not only in obedience to the Lord but to protect the men around them is important.

It continually amazes me how easily offended women are today. There’s no reason to be offended about any of this; it’s simply the facts of life and a command from God. He calls women to be shamefaced and not to draw attention to themselves for a reason. Godly, honest men have told me that the more flesh that is shown, the tighter the clothes fit, and the shorter they are, the harder it is for them not to lust. Don’t ever be a stumbling block by wearing any of these in front of men who are not your husband; for if you love the Lord and His ways, you will obey what He asks of you.

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.
Romans 14:13

22 thoughts on “Are Immodest Women Responsible for Causing Men to Lust?

  1. Lori,
    Would you please explain “lust” as it is defined in the Bible? I am confused as to exactly what it means. And can women lust?

    1. In the context of a the modesty conversation, the appeal is often to Matt 5:28: “Whoever looks upon a woman lustfully has already committed adultery.” “Lust” here has to do with desiring something unlawful. The sin is desiring what is unlawful for a man to desire, e.g. a married woman. The reader must consider the larger context and especially vs 27: “You have heard that it was said by them of old time, you shalt not commit adultery.” Jesus is raising the bar for kingdom living. Jesus is saying, “The law said, “Thou shalt not have sex with another man’s wife,” but I am now calling men to a higher standard–don’t even desire what is unlawfully yours, otherwise you are already committing adultery in your heart.”

  2. I think there are issues regarding accountability on both men and women regarding this issue. Yes, women absolutely do flaunt themselves in ways that are very inappropriate. Example wearing thin spandex or tights where you can see everything. Why would woman want to expose themselves like that?

    On the flip side, men have to learn to filter out eyes and what we see. It has taken me many years; I won’t lie to do this. If I, as an example, am shopping and see a woman like what I mentioned I don’t give it a second thought anymore.

    You see us men or I would guess 99% of us are visual men when it comes to feelings.

    I have no right to undress a woman in my mind just because she walks by me showing everything she has but also out of respect a woman should be more responsible in how she dresses.

    I guess to sum up my thoughts is this: men be respectful and learn to train yourself to ONLY save your eyes for your wife regardless if you are at the beach or mall or anywhere.

    And for woman, why would you intentionally provoke a man to undress you in his mind? Two wrongs don’t make a right.

    To me, both are sinful and shame on the women who wear thin tights and shame on the man who lets his mind go to a sinful place. That’s my thoughts.

    When it’s all said and done we need to be bringing honor and glory to our savior and be mindful of others.

    1. Amen Rob! It’s so comforting to hear that from a man. That it is absolutely possible for a man to avert his eyes and mind even when he’s exposed to an immodest woman. I do my best to dress in a way that honors the Lord and protects men but my husband is constantly exposed to half naked women in this world..but that doesn’t mean he is constantly lusting. Thank the Lord!!

      1. Rob is right. It is possible for a Christian man to train himself and his eyes to not look at and lust after another woman but I will tell you the best way that a wife can help her husband to win in this never ending battle. By being obedient to scripture, she actually can make it easy for him to not be tempted to look at and lust after other women. If she is disobedient to the scripture, she makes it very, very much more difficult for him to win this battle. Wives, you were created to be a helper suitable for your husband. Here is one of the primary ways that you were created to help him.

        1 Corinthians 7:3-5 – “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
        Proverbs 5:18-19 – “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

        A wife should absolutely make it one of her highest priorities to keep her husband 100% sexually satisfied at all times. She should do this by visually pleasing him (your husband takes pleasure in seeing you in various states from all the way clothed to completely naked and every way in between), physically satisfying him (sex in all of its lawful forms), and emotionally nourishing him (your arousal, participation and response). All of these are critical. Your husband should sexually want for absolutely NOTHING…. ever, as long as you are not Providentially deterred (injury, sickness, etc.).

        By doing this, she will make winning this battle (against lust) for her husband infinity more easy (almost effortless in most cases). Failing to do your “duty”, will make your husbands life infinitely more difficult (miserable) and he will be unnecessarily forced to (wastefully) expend energy to win the (never ending) battle against lust that he could be (gainfully) spending on other things… like serving the Lord, ministering to others and loving, caring for and nourishing you and your children.

        Wives, you hold the keys to so many of the riches and blessings that can come from a Godly marriage… if you will just choose to be obedient and do it God’s way.

    2. Nice vitue signal Rob.

      If my wife is keeping me satisfied in the bedroom I don’t even bother to linger on a woman in a bikini that is in the the top 5 percent physique wise.

      Would I blame my wife for me looking? Never, but if she is not making herself available to me intimately, then yes I look.

      1. Exactly Jeff and I will reveal something even deeper for the ladies to ponder.

        If a man is completely satisfied sexually, even if he did take a good long look at a highly attractive, super fit, scantily dressed (bikini wearing) woman, he would be able to do it without having sinful thoughts.

        He would be able to take in the beauty like he would be if he were taking a long look at a nice car, boat, work of art, or landscape… just enjoying the beauty that God made.

        Now as Christian men, we do not do that (where others can observe us doing it) because we understand that most wives do not understand how it works and others might misinterpret what we are actually doing but what I tell you is the truth.

        God has given wives the power to virtually eliminate all of the temptation to sin that their husbands have to face in this area. I am not trying to minimize the responsibility of the men in this area because we are called to overcome (and not sin) in all circumstances but I am not going to minimize the impact that Godly obedient wives can have either.

        1. Trey,

          You worded that perfectly. I have experienced this exact thing. My wife and I were headed for a nice date. For some weird reason we were intimate before, which rarely happens. As it so happens there was an attractive woman there that every single man was breaking their necks to watch. I looked as well, but after having been intimate with my wife, all I saw was a beautiful woman…. good for her and her mate I guess.

          Compare that to when my wife is not responding or reciprocating intimacy. I have pharmaceutical reps come into my office. They are at times drop dead gorgeous for a reason. Drs have a hard time saying “no”. I have a very hard time not thinking things that violate my conscience and I feel very much convicted. Then I get to come home to my stay at home wife who is wearing the same sweats she was wearing yesterday with no make up.

  3. You know Lori,
    I get so sick of women saying idiotic things like “I’m not responsible for a man’s thoughts. I can wear whatever I want!” Or they say “Well he shouldn’t be looking!”

    Makes me want to line them up and give them each a slap across the face!😠 Lately on my AOL homepage the little news thing seems to have every other news blurb about some brainless celebrity female wearing some sleazy outfit. I say brainless because if these women used the brain God gave them, they would think twice about their clothing choices.

    Thank you Lori for posting this. I’m done venting now.

  4. Hi Brittany I just sometimes get repulsed when I see women dressing like that. Don’t get me wrong I understand sometimes it can be an emotional boost to have men look at you if your dressing provocatively. But I just get just as upset at men who look and go to sinful places in their mind

    I think if we spent more time improving our relationships and marriages and impressing our spouses with our appearance there would be little need to dress poorly.

    This world is full of many many temptations and we cannot make excuses for ourselves when we give in. Even if it just thoughts!!!

    Shame on men who do this and shame on woman who dress inappropriately like see through tights

    Let’s pray for our relationships and marriages and save these things for our own private bedrooms!!!

    Great post Lori

  5. I always remember what my parents told me growing up (I’m 65 now). That is, if you’re going to do something that draws attention to yourself, you can’t be surprised when people stop to look or stare at you. When I see women or men for that matter, dressed inappropriately I am usually asking myself, why would someone want to dress like that, or who raised this person, did they have no common sense.

  6. It is an article of faith with feminists that women should be able to wear what they want, even deliberately provocative clothes, with no responsibility because it is the fault of men if they lust, or even go further.

    Of course men have a responsibility to guard their own thoughts but women are commanded by God to cover themselves and dress modestly. Nakedness and immodesty are sinful and women and girls should be careful not to sin and strive to teach younger women to dress appropriately

  7. I agree with this. But i will also say that modesty is different for each person. Of course we can agree that thong bikinis are not modest. But while your husband may allow a short skirt, my husband absolutely does not. They must stop mid calf. Also, sleeveless shorts are a no. It’s situational. And I encourage women to trust their husbands judgement on this.

    1. Right, Leigh-Ann. My husband wants ankle length skirts and dresses only, even for our young girls. Yes, this and other modest standards he asks of me do “limit” me and my wardrobe. But my husband is my head, and it’s important for him to know that other people are not seeing my body. Now if only people would stop thinking I am a frump for dressing this way and for not wearing makeup. Sigh. It’s a lonely road.

      1. Grace – I do understand. I know my husband would very much prefer ankle length but compromises because he doesn’t want me to stand out !’

  8. I completely agree that we should take advice from our husbands (and parents in the case of unmarried women).

    I also agree that it is completely appropriate and acceptable for a husband set standards for his wife and that as a married woman you should submit to your husband’s authority in this.

    And by the way the my husband does not allow trousers (pants), tops which do not cover my shoulders or skirts which do not comfortably cover my knees.

      1. Grace my compromise is (comfortably) below the knee with tights (pantyhose), stockings or long socks (in winter) – basically legs covered. Otherwise ankle length.

        1. My girls and I wear ankle length, or just above, dresses that I make. My girls are now 9 and 6, and I cannot tell you how many men have come up to us in Wal-Mart, doctor’s office, when we stopped in at my husband’s job… and said you all are so beautiful, and to me- thank you for dressing your girls in dresses when most everyone no longer does. Long dresses do not mean you need to be frumpy, you can dress tastefully in a long dress or skirt. Especially older men have said they miss the days when most all women wore dresses.

          1. My experience is the same that most men (and older women) are very complimentary and love to see women wearing pretty, feminine and modest skirts and dresses.

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