Are Women Bent Towards Being Disgruntled?

Are Women Bent Towards Being Disgruntled?


Dennis Prager, on his male/female hour recently, shared that he had read one of the first feminist’s books written by Betty Friedan called The Feminine Mystique. Betty found that women who were wives, mothers, and homemakers were disgruntled with their lot in life, so she worked with this discontentment in women and encouraged them to seek fulfillment outside of the home. However, here we are in 2019 and women have gained everything feminists fought for and women are still disgruntled. Dennis wondered aloud if women simply struggle with being disgruntled. They are the most “free” women that have ever existed, yet they are still fighting for their “rights.”

I believe women generally tend towards being disgruntled and this is why there are a number of verses warning men about this character flaw.

“…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Proverbs 19:13).

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house” (Proverbs 25:24) Brawling is the act of quarreling.

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15).  Contentious means “given to angry debate and quarrelsome.”

“For three things the earth is disquieted…For an odious woman when she is married” (Proverbs 30:21, 23). Odious means “hateful and disgusting.”

It’s interesting that there are no verses in the Bible about these types of husbands. There’s a verse about a wise woman building her home up and a foolish one tearing it down with her own hands but nothing similar about husbands. It shows what a powerful influence for good or evil that women have in their homes and marriages.

Michael Pearl recently wrote, “After more than 40 years of marriage, I still think the number one important trait to look for in choosing a wife is a joyful, thankful spirit.” If you have a joyful and thankful spirit, you will not be disgruntled, contentious, brawling, or odious. One of the first sins listed in Romans 1, which explains the progression of sin into a reprobate mind, is unthankfulness. “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful…” (Romans 1:21).

The Apostle Paul told us that he “learned” contentment and so must we. “… for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). How did we do this? By renewing our minds with truth. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). It’s by having a simple faith in Christ Jesus and knowing that He will be with you every single step of the way on this earth and because of this, we can live thankful and joyful lives.

Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.
Psalm 144:15

***How Complaining Physically Rewires Your Brain to Be Anxious and Depressed

17 thoughts on “Are Women Bent Towards Being Disgruntled?

  1. ““After more than 40 years of marriage, I still think the number one important trait to look for in choosing a wife is a joyful, thankful spirit.”

    Off hand I cannot recall if this is one of the traits that the mother in Proverbs 31 listed for her son to look for. I believe, contrary to common understanding, that girls do not mature faster than boys. But in fact that it is husbands that cultivate their wives towards maturity and growth – as they grow up in their wife-hood and through the career of homemaking and children. Like Christ is responsible for the spots and wrinkles in His church, so are husbands for the spots and wrinkles in their wives.

    I understand that husbands cannot ‘make/force’ these things to happen. I’m not a husband, so I’m not sure of the dichotomy from the side of the UNsubmission (inferior) position. What I do know is that God has placed the authority of headship and leadership and responsibility, of all things (Eph 5:24), on the husband. So, I assume that’s who’ll be culpable.

    If a husband is unhappy with his wife’s behaviour or finds she’s dower and/or contentious, he might want to examine the example he himself has been setting.

    Yes, wives are responsible for their own behaviour, for sure. But the husband is the head, he bears the greater responsibility for the entire marriage, including his wife; as Christ does for the entire Church.

  2. But the Bible never states that husbands are responsible for their wives’ behavior. If this was so, then Christ would be responsible for the Church’s behavior and He’s not. We are all responsible for our own behavior.

    “Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” If she’s rejoicing in the time to come, I am sure she is a joyful and thankful wife!

  3. I was born in the early 50’s and believe a lot of this started in the early 1960’s when soap opera’s and their fantasy world became an everyday TV affair. They played on the emotions of women, and convincing them they were unhappy and why. Television really has been one of the biggest moral corruptors of society and is far worse today than 50 years ago.

  4. Hi there Lori, I think we live in a time that if it feels right it is right and people both men and women are now living life this way – sadly this is not God’s way but most people find it too hard to get out of this way of life so they turn to justifying it rather than working though it with God’s help! Everything is about comfort nowadays – look at all the modern things that make life so much more comfortable and easy and I think most of us are guilty at sometime or another; it is sad and only time in the Word of God and seeking Him can correct our hearts!
    Love to you dear Lady!???

  5. “If she’s rejoicing in the time to come, I am sure she is a joyful and thankful wife!”

    but the Bible doesn’t actually say that; it could be inferred.

    Just like it’s inferred that headship of the husband is akin to the headship of Christ. Jesus Christ is growing His Church through sanctification and washing of the word to remove the spots and wrinkles. Like husbands … help grow wives. Paul even goes so far as to draw us back to Genesis and the one-flesh to make his point, the body reflects the head; the wife reflects/responds, like the body responds to the head.

    Don’t get me wrong, I believe that daughters of Christ are absolutely accountable to God for their behaviours. But I think when we become one flesh in marriage, we enter a completely different dynamic of roles.

  6. Finding more of myself in what you describe, I totally agree with Michael Pearl. God just showed me that I need to work on my thankfulness and joyfullness.

    Today’s post really confirmed what God is pointing out in my life. I just read a small book from Derek Prince “Does your tongue need healing?”. It’s excellent and of course not only for women, but I believe especially for many women it would be very convicting. What we say just shows the state of our hearts, and it’s so important to be aware of what is in our hearts!

    One point why especially women tend to be so disgruntled could be, that their appointed roles as wifes, mothers and homekeepers require to die to themselves totally and continually. It all comes down to how much we are willing to die to ourselves. As long as we refuse to lay our lives down for our husbands and children, we will not find peace.

    This is of course something that’s required of everyone who wants to follow Jesus. But e.g. for single persons (female and male alike) it’s simply not really necessary to give up themselves, so they might never even become aware how selfish they still are, because it’s never put to the test as it is for married people with children.

    Another – and probably not the least important – reason for a believer to get married and have a family…

  7. It’s only true if a wife is willing to submit to her husband just as it’s only true if a believer is willing to submit to Christ. If not, the husband can’t lead the wife and Christ can’t lead the believer. We all have free will to make choices and no one is accountable for another’s actions.

    The husband and children rise up and call her blessed. I doubt they would have done this if she wasn’t being joyful and thankful. This is a requirement for all believers in Jesus Christ because it’s clearly stated in His Word. I doubt the king’s mother wanted him to marry an unhappy, unthankful wife.

  8. I agree, Angela, but I prefer to use the term “deny ourselves” instead of die to self since we died with Christ and became new creatures in Him the moment we believed. And yes, we are to live selfless lives which the world cannot comprehend and it isn’t easy but it’s good.

  9. Thank you, Jilly! Yes, few want to live sacrificial lives as we are called to do. Since Satan is the prince of the power of the air and the father of lies, his goal is to kill, steal, and destroy and many are following his orders rather than the Lord’s. Love to you, too!

  10. You’re right about that, Patrick. TV teaches zero godly morals and values yet many are being immersed in its godless values all day long.

  11. I don’t know if it’s true in all women, but it’s certainly true for me – I have to work at not being grumpy. Granted, I have health issues to contend with which makes it harder to not be grumpy, but I am nowhere near thankful enough for all the blessings I have in my life.
    I have a very “glass half empty” personality.

  12. This is so interesting to me. At times I feel disappointed or rejected over small things and I’m not sure where my disappointment stemmed from. My husband has occasionally joked that I’ve watched too many movies. Looking back, I do see how many romantic films influenced me in negative ways to be disappointed. The narrative goes that if he loves you he… runs after you (so I make situations to be pursued and am disappointed he doesn’t chase me under false pretenses), instantly goes wild with desire when you walk by ( so I’m disappointed when my husband doesn’t want me every second of the day), says the perfect words (so I’m disappointed without even knowing what I want to hear). I’m working on it of course, but I’m just realizing the depth of all this. I’m intimidated and concerned about how to overcome the influences.

  13. KAK, me too. God is forever reminding me (praise His name) that even as a disabled woman with chrinic health issues , I have much to be thankful for…. I try to see the good in everything, and it helps me a lot. Sometimes, it may be ME who needs to change, either my attitude or situation. For the other day for example , I was grumbling because I was not enjoying my life as much as I should be, I was exhausted and depressed. I suddenly ahd the thought pop into my head “But, do you MAKE time to do things you enjoy?” I realised that I just wanted making time to do things in life that could bring me joy so I now carve out time during my day to paint or read or sit in the garden, and it refreshes my spirits. Sometimes things are within our control to change. Other times we just have to give it to God and try to be thankful “In spite of.” When Paul said Rejoice in the Lord always, He was not saying you will never feel sad, stressed, disappointed etc he is saying to rejoice in spite of these feelings, which are just part of being human. We feel, we have emotions, it is the way we are made. I suffer very deep depression often due to many things including trauma from my past (cptsd) and severe pain. God never condemns me for these dark feelings but reminds me to be always thankful for every blkessing that comes my way. I do have to ask His help though, but He never fails to come through for me!

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, The courage to change the things I can etc..

  14. For a start we can give thanks that we have an inheritance in Heaven stored up for us, that His blood alone has saved us, we have this unearned Heavenly deposit waiting for us! that is a big thing to thank God for 🙂

  15. “If Mama ain’t happy, no one is happy!” My brother, a recent seminary graduate, would say we sure are! ? He talks about how much strife women are shown to cause in the early church just by their being called out in the Bible. He sees it a lot in the modern church, too. Women are the ones who get mean, petty, passive aggressive and bully each other way more than men (though there are some sin gripped male leaders out there for sure). I think women often fail in dealing gently with each other—competitive spirits and comparing ourselves steals joy and makes us jealous. That spills over into the home and makes it hard to be good at marriage and motherhood. I have found that specifically seeking out and encouraging a woman to succeed—especially if she is blazing a trail that I’m not called to—is a great way to address the heart issues in myself that cause strife in larger contexts.

  16. I mean we know the apostle Paul and Christ himself were not married and they are the individuals you are quoting. Marriage in and of itself does not make you more or less selfish (just look at the Christian divorce rates). The key is whether married or single to keep in the word of God. Jesus says if we abide in him then he abides in us. A single person reading the word of God daily will inenvitably be more fruitful than a wife who spends her time watching sitcoms and occasional Sunday church.

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