Can Men Lead Their Homes Anymore?

Can Men Lead Their Homes Anymore?

Matt Walsh wrote this yesterday concerning women who participated in “A Day Without Women”: “The men married to these feminists need to put their foot down and show some leadership for a change.”

The outrage by women was immediate and furious to this statement.

Then Matt wrote this: “I wrote earlier about the ‘Day Without a Woman’ protests, and in that post I said something that upset a fair amount of people. I said men need to take the reins of leadership in their families. I meant that particularly in reference to families where left wing feminism has become the guiding force, but it extends more broadly. Men are meant to lead their homes, as the Bible clearly and unequivocally states.

Naturally, people are angry at me for saying this. So, naturally, I wrote another post saying it again, louder, and in greater detail. These days, people claim that there shouldn’t be a leader in the home. But they don’t really mean that, do they? They don’t actually want equality in the home. They want the WOMAN to be the leader. They want the husband to submit to the wife in all things. And, over the course of the past 50 years, that is exactly what’s happened in many homes, because the man is physically or spiritually absent. The results have been devastating. This is not how it’s meant to be.”

Another man wrote this comment on my post Why do Women Despise Being the Weaker Vessel?

Like I said, I have witnessed so many wives walk all over their husbands personally since I was in my mid teens or so, including my mother. Feminism is running rampant in the church. This is not what God had in mind when he joined men and women together. And I can just imagine his tears over it.

I read a post that Lori wrote in January of 2015 about Sunshine Mary. Some of the responses from Christian men and women just angered me. Some saying that he had NO right to enforce the rules in his home though he was head and he was to let her do whatever the heck she wanted, no matter if it ruined them and their marriage. Others saying that his only job was to love her and not enforce the rules. What is the use of being head if he has nothing to be head over? God made him head. Yes, he is to love her and yes, he is to even die for her as Christ did for us, if called upon to do so. BUT, to say that he has no right to enforce and to let her do what she pleases is a definition of Feminism in my opinion. This is women trying to take over the authority of the home and be the head. This is what God was talking about in Genesis 3:16. It is WRONG! Women feel that being the weaker sex means they are devalued and non-important. THAT ISN’T TRUE. So they try to subvert their husband’s GOD GIVEN place as head.

Some of the comments from the other blog site Lori had about Sunshine Mary were from men, but what I saw, most of them were from women saying the husband has no right to even lightly discipline her by taking things away and by even chastising her for disobeying him. If he isn’t supposed to enforce and she is to do whatever the heck she wants without a word from him, then why did Paul even say anything about a woman’s submission and obedience? Why did he spend so much time on the subject? Not just in the marriage, but leadership in the church as well? He wouldn’t have if obedience and submission were not important to God. We’re to submit and obey Christ, so why is it any different for the wife, since the wife is under the authority of the husband just like man is under the authority of Christ? We are to obey Christ and she is obey her man.

To be the weaker vessel doesn’t mean you are nothing and should be walked on. Being the weaker vessel gives you the opportunity to be strong through your obedience and submission. Your husband DOES have the RIGHT to enforce the rules in the home. That is all part of the verse in Genesis 3:16, “and he shall rule over you.”

He does have the right to tell her she can’t do something. He DOES have the RIGHT to take away things from her and the right to use some sort of light punishment if her behavior is disrespectful and disobedient. And even cutting up her credit cards if her spending is getting out of hand. She is not honoring and submitting. She is being disrespectful. She is showing that she wants to be free from his GOD GIVEN authority. They show they do not trust God or their Husband to lead. They show that they don’t like God’s role for them as the weaker vessel. And to me, it shows that they do not understand what being the weaker vessel really means.

Okay, I’m done. I am very frustrated about this and had a lot to say.

But as the church is subject to Christ, 
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:23

28 thoughts on “Can Men Lead Their Homes Anymore?

  1. It’s really sad Lori. I have to come to this blog to connect with people who feel like the husband is the head of the family, there aren’t any women that feel that way around my area. Oh, there are some that claim their husband is the head, but you can tell my the things they say or do that this is not the case. That’s one of the reasons I am so glad you write this blog! Thanks for all you do.

    1. You’re welcome, HH! I love doing it and yes, because God has said that the husband is the head of the home, it is what I will teach, even though it is foreign to our culture today.

  2. This Saturday/Sunday will be Purim. The book of Esther will be read by many. This is an interesting tidbit from chapter one that is so fitting for this post and these days. A warning that has been ignored and now we all suffer the consequences. “…Queen Vashti has not only wronged the king, but also all the princes, and all the people who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus. For the queen’s behavior will become known to all women, so that they will despise their husbands in their eyes, when they report, ‘King Ahasuerus commanded Queen Vashti to be brought in before him, but she did not come.’ This very day the noble ladies of Persia and Media will say to all the king’s officials that they have heard of the behavior of the queen. Thus there will be excessive contempt and wrath.” Esther 1:16-18
    Imagine if there had been no consequences for Vashti..? We see the ugly fruit of it.

    1. This is very fitting for today’s post, Ballistique. Thank you! Unfortunately, many women today despise their husbands and treat them with contempt. It’s what they’ve been modeled their entire lives and what they’re being taught. It’s shameful and reaps bitter, ugly fruit.

    2. So out of one wife’s great disobedience to her king, God raises up lovely Esther to be Queen and save her people from sure slaughter. It is out of one meek and mild woman named Mary that the Son of God arises and the death of John the Baptist is at the hands of Herodias.

      Women indeed have such great power to change lives and history, but they can choose to use it for good, or for evil. To do things God’s ways and bless the nations through their obedience or become a thorn in the side of their husbands.

      1. Ken and Lori, whenever I hear that saying “Well behaved women seldom make history” I immediately think of both of the women you describe, and many more including my sweet grandmother. She might not be famous to the world, but she impacted generations by her gentle spirit and godly choices. We ladies have that choice every day. I don’t need (or want!) to be famous in order to choose a meek and mild spirit and joyful submission.

    3. I have heard the theory the king asked her to c9me before him naked. Im not sure about this, but if it were true, I would understand queen vashti’s hesitation.

      1. The Bible doesn’t say anything about her being naked. From gotquestions.org: The book of Esther begins with a description of King Xerxes (or Ahasuerus) of Persia celebrating with the leading men of his kingdom. At the conclusion of seven days of feasting, the king called Queen Vashti to appear before him. We are told this was “in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at” (Esther 1:11). However, Queen Vashti refused to come before the king and his men; “then the king became furious and burned with anger” (verse 12).

        https://www.gotquestions.org/Vashti-Xerxes.html

  3. Excellent post, Lori. The church needs people to CORRECTLY teach young men how to lead and young women how to submit.
    Neither my myself or my wife learned these things from our respective parents. It has been in the school of hard knocks which has made for a disappointing 36 year marriage for us both.

    1. The Church failure for godly older women to teach younger women has been devastating not only on marriage and the family, but on culture, Charles. Yes, the Church needs to begin obeying the Word of God in this VERY important issue.

  4. Hi!
    I’ve been reading your posts for the past few days(and the other links that you put within your post and I’ve learned so much this week! What a blessing!) about a day without women and feminism and it all reaffirms within me that I am doing the right thing with honoring my husband and staying at home. I have been studying my bible about this and looking up all the scriptures that you and your husband have provided this week and I am fully convicted to do more with being a good example to other young women my age.

    We currently live in a duplex and we normally don’t hear our neighbors, but when his wife gets upset she will yell and scream at him at the top of her lungs for hours. She has even called him a few choice words. I’ll never forget it was happening at night and my husband just shook his head and said that it was a shame that she wouldn’t let that hard working man sleep. He can be heard leaving the house in the middle of the night just to get away from her!

    I am ashamed that my generation is so far removed from what the bible says about wives submitting to their husbands. Even now with being a newlywed, I am a witness to how serving and submitting to my husband has made our marriage better each and everyday and how happy we both are! Thanks, Ken and Lori, for standing firm on the word this week!

  5. I can tell you from personal experience that a husband can love and lead all day long. He can “discuss”, “suggest”, “request”, “reason with”, “take the reins”, “make rules” (which he would rather not be forced to do), “admonish”, “insist”, “demand”, “put his foot down”, and everything else you can think of, but if the wife chooses not to follow, submit and obey, he is left with no recourse.

    Some wives will stand toe to toe with their husbands and just openly refuse to submit to him and say “you can’t make me”. I have never heard a sermon taught in church on what the husband is supposed to do with that, but at least it’s straightforward and he knows where he stands.

    Other wives (with passive aggressive personality types) will never square up against their husbands. She will listen, but not say anything to the contrary, appear to understand and even seem to agree with him. By her silence, she seems to indicate that she will abide and cooperate (and she might even do so for a short time on a given issue) but then she will quietly revert to her old ways and the husband finds himself addressing the same things over and over and over. Nothing ever changes, nothing gets better, no progress is ever made. If the husband backs off and leaves her alone, she will go merrily on her way, oblivious to the death and destruction (to their family) she is leaving in her wake. If the husband stands firm and attempts to hold her accountable, she will eventually resort to statements like “I can’t ever do anything right” or “everything is always my fault”. She will cry and play the victim, or rage and storm off. She thinks of herself (and tells anyone who will listen, including their children) that she is the victim of a harsh, cruel, uncaring and unreasonable husband and then use that as an excuse (as if she needs another one) for even more misbehavior. These types or women (in their mind) are always the victim. They are ESPECIALLY known for never taking responsibility for anything, nothing they do is EVER wrong but rather they blame everything on their husbands, who are really only trying to do what they are supposed to be doing; being the leader of their family that God has called them to be.

    In either case, (direct or passive-aggressive) it does great damage to the marriage. For some men, they will give in and let this woman rule but it will cause them to withdraw and become depressed. Some men will fight, rant and rage against it for a long time, but to no avail and then eventually end up withdrawn and depressed. Some men, (if their commitment to God is not strong enough) will just dump this difficult woman and look for another. Debi Pearl does an excellent job of describing these different types and men and how they react to disobedient wives in her book, CTBHH. Like with so many other things, she has tremendous wisdom and insight. Any woman here who has not read this book needs to read it. Get over your excuses, get over yourself and read the book and may God open your eyes to the Biblical truths that Debi so clearly lays out.

    For the man that (out of obedience to God) chooses to stay married to this contentious, rebellious, disobedient woman, there are hardly words to describe how unhappy, frustrating and miserable his life becomes. Many of his (most important of) life’s goals are blocked, some to never be recovered. With his wife, there is no intimacy, no friendship, and no relationship, just a very dysfunctional marriage where the entire family, (husband, wife and children) suffer greatly. He is trapped and he sees death as his only escape; such a miserable existence.

    The Bible makes it clear: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1)… even while her husband stands there watching, helpless to stop her.

    1. Yes, I know some of these women who are making their husbands’ lives a living nightmare. They know the Truth of godly womanhood but they “hold it in unrighteousness.” They don’t have a teachable spirit and insist on being rebellious. Debi has a chapter on these kind of women and she has seen them go MAD. I believe this is God turning them over to a reprobate mind. We are seeing the same thing. One cannot live in rebellion to God’s ways for long without suffering some terrible consequences for we reap what we sow. Thank you, Trey.

    2. It is unfortunate Trey that we too are seeing too many of these types of ruinous marriages where wives are outwardly defiant and rebellious. The husbands have tried everything it seems from confronting to being submissive and quiet and supportive. Peace happens so long as she chooses it, and at the smallest of issues she flies off the handle in uncontrolled anger. The professional counselor keeps trying to work the wife to the middle by getting the husbands to try to avoid her triggers, yet nerve touches the root problems of bitterness and anger that has turned into rebellion against her husband. Often the anger and rebellion began much earlier, even before the couple met… often anger at parents for not raising her with greater self-discipline and the ability to maintain common human decency at all times.

      Can these women be saved? Three I can think of now go to church regularly and somehow have divorced their unchristian behavior from their faith. This is what makes Lori’s ministry so important and a ministry that must be started in all Bible believing churches. That God has the only answers to such a marriage and it comes when a wife is willing to surrender her anger and bitterness, surrender to her Lord, and in turn surrender to her husband who can then help retrain her brain to “treat others the way she wants to be treated.” As you say, Trey, if she does not want to submit no one can make her, but there are times that separation for the sake of the kids and the husband is necessary, even sometimes for the sake of the wife who finds her triggers in her husband eve if he were perfect. He has become her poison, because her mind is not able to rationally process the facts anymore because of lying to herself for so long about what values she actually believes.

      Thank the Lord that He can and does heal all relationships, but only for those who will surrender to His will, His ways and His Word.

      1. I feel for this man and so many men today. It is the way things are going to be from now on and men are truly the vulnerable ones today, along with the children who live with demanding, commanding mothers who emasculate and manipulate their husbands. I have quit trying to reach the younger women. If the Lord actually leads a young woman to my home who has an open heart to learn how to love her husband and family, then I will help her to grow. If not, I just stay quiet. I have dealt with some actual violence from these demanding, spoiled women and have decided it’s best to be quiet and wait on the Lord and pray. I so pity the men caught in the web of these women today…Lord help them

        1. A friend of ours who is dealing with a difficult wife went to his pastor about it and his pastor told him that rebellious women are in the majority now, Shirley. It’s very sad.

  6. I can’t even find a church that teaches submission. My family doesn’t understand. My husband and I are very happy. We just don’t fit in with the world.

    I feel very blessed to have a man that loves me.

    I appreciate your encouraging blog, Lori and Ken.
    Linda

    1. Same here Linda. But, it’s good to not be like the world, because they have it all wrong. God’s ways are always the best and you can never improve upon them. Also, until women submit and do it joyfully, they can never understand just how happy and peaceful their life can be when they follow God’s role for their life as a helpmeet. I never knew true joy or peace until I stopped fighting my role and embraced it. Now, I find it an honor to be a helpmeet, I am honored that God chose me to serve my man!

    2. In my 58 years, Linda, I have never been in a church that clearly taught this either, unfortunately, and if they do they water it down somehow. It’s usually by saying we submit to one another, sadly, without clearly teaching that the husband is the head of the wife and she is to submit to and obey him in everything. Way too many women would flee a church that taught this, I am sure.

  7. Oh my what an eye opener! My daughter-in-law who left 2 years ago, is the woman Trey is speaking about. I tried to come along side her and mentor, but to no avail…I was the meddlesome mother in law,and my son was the bad one in the relationship… I guess I was too close to the situation..We all have our faults but let’s reason together as a couple shall we…..it is sad to say the least..she is in a church in Ohio, and the pastor won’t even return the call of the pastor they sat under…this is so shameful, so we wait on the Lord to do his work and pray that this nightmare will be over for the sake of our grandchildren.

    1. Stay on your knees in prayer for her, Melinda. Unless she decides to soften her heart and listen to truth, she will create her own path of destruction and unfortunately, it negatively affects others as well.

  8. Hi Lori! The picture says, “Can men lead lead their homes anymore?” This might be a typographical error, or was this intentional? Thanks and blessings!

  9. I just wanted to say that I happened on your blog a couple of weeks ago and absolutely love it.

    Your post titles are exactly what my husband and other members of our church have been discussing lately (before I found your blog). Since then I have share your site with a few others.

    I recently decided to blog myself since I am now am older woman because I hadn’t seen much of the older women teaching the younger women in my area our circles and then I found your blog.

    A woman who loves God will have no problem hearing it straight forward because she loves truth. I may not like it when my husband tells me something that I am doing wrong but I know he has what is best for me in mind just as my Lord does when He commands me to submit to my husband.

    Thank you for being straight forward. I love your blog.

  10. i feel like you can be a strong woman in a loving marriage and still have your husband be the leader in the home. you arent a doormat or some object to be controlled, or a child who needs to be hand held through life. but strength isnt measured in how loud your voice is, or who makes the decisions, or who does the most chores.

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