Christian Couples, Have Children!

Christian Couples, Have Children!

It seems that many young Christian couples are deciding not to have children these days. They either fear the future, think they don’t have enough money, aren’t ready, or they simply don’t want them. They have no problems deciding this. They don’t search Scripture to see what God’s views are on this. They go along with the birth control mentality of our culture which has led to the slaughter of millions of unborn babies.

If fearing the future is why you don’t want to have children, you are allowing fear to control your life instead of faith. God wants Christian couples to have children. One of the main purposes for marriage is to raise godly offspring. What if all Christians decided not to have children? One reason our culture is tanking so rapidly is probably due to Christians not having children and if they do, they aren’t raising them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. This culture needs more salt and light, not less. As long as Christian couples can have children, they should! Never allow fear to govern your lives.

Maybe you are not having children because you don’t have enough money. This never prevented couples from having children in past generations which were much poorer than ours. When the Israelites were in bondage in Babylon, these were God’s instructions to them: “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon; Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished” (Jeremiah 29:4-6).

God wanted them to continue to have children even in bondage! The Israelites grew in power during their captivity in Egypt too, how? By having children! Many of you forget that God is our Provider. If He blesses you with children and your husbands are willing to work hard, He will provide for your needs. Maybe He won’t provide your wants, but He will provide your needs. It’s a matter of trusting Him.

I have been pondering 1 Peter 3:5 recently. We are told that the holy women of old were known for their “trust in God.” This defined their lives. May we likewise trust in God Almighty as we live our lives as foreigners and pilgrims in this wicked generation. Let us raise our children to walk in truth and be beacons of light for the Truth. Never allow fear to make decisions for you, young women.

Some will say they are just not ready to have children yet. They want to finish their careers, have money for a down payment on a home, travel, and other goals that they have. Do you understand that without birth control, these wouldn’t be goals of yours at all? Once you married, you would know that a baby could come at anytime, and this was simply part of being married. Sex between married couples is supposed to produce children! It’s God’s intended purpose for us. If you don’t think you’re ready, reorganize your life so you are ready for the blessings that God may pour into your lives.

If you are married and you decide to not have children simply because you don’t want them, you are in sin. God commands the young women to marry, bear children, and guide the home (1 Timothy 5:14). He never commands women to go to college, travel, and have careers. No, this is the feminist agenda for women, not God’s. Be careful you are following God’s will for your life before you suddenly wake up one day wanting children but are too old to have them. Don’t pass up God’s best for the fleeting pleasures of our culture. My children and grandchildren bring me more joy in my life than anything else possibly could.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5

***Here’s a great post for the single and barren women. May it encourage you.

87 thoughts on “Christian Couples, Have Children!

  1. I am 33 years old, married for 6 years and just had my 4th baby in 4 years. My husband is done at this number, I would have more and have not ties my tubes. My mother and sister on separate occasions communicated that they don’t think, I should have anymore children. I was raised in a Christian home and am raising my children in a Christian home. So now I am praying to adopt my husband’s position of no more children for the sake of peace while hoping to have another one, we have one gender in our home now, it would be nice to experience the other gender. Hubby and I have an 8 year age gap between us. I have since scaled back significantly on how I was working before. I know work part time before he goes to work and stay with our children when he goes to work. Our ultimate goal is to be able to afford me being home full-time and homeschooling. Thanks for articles, I enjoy reading them and find them encouraging. I see many young couples holding off on pregnancy and some just struggling to conceive. My father, who is a pastor said he would never tell a married couple how many children to have. That was a breath of fresh air. Has so many people have verbalized their unsolicited opinions. God has been taking care of our family so, we will wait and see how this all pans out. Be blessed.

    1. Telling people how many children they should have is like telling them how many blessings they should receive from God. For some reason, they will happily accept all the blessings of God that He wants to pour down upon them except for children. The anti-child mentality has crept into the churches which is heartbreaking.

      1. A lot of christian still want childrens but the thing is that they dont’ want many childrens. They follow the crowd and limit themselves to two or three childrens just like the world does. Every time you talk to non christian whether man or woman and they have two or three childrens they always say that they’re done having childrens like if two is too many or already too much for them and there’s men who get vasectomy to not reproduce anymore. Most christians had bought into margaret sanger agenda to only have two kids or to not have kids at all if they can’t afford them a super lifestyle.

    2. Hi Mother of 4,
      I would encourage you to keep praying—that you would have more children and that your husband would gladly receive them. My husband wanted to stop at 4 too but I kept hoping and praying (my youngest child was also praying earnestly for another one). I had my 5th baby last year and my husband and I are so happy for this blessing. Remember Leah and Rebecca and Tamar in the Bible? Although the ways they went about trying to have more children were not exemplary (to say the least!), they were commended for earnestly desiring children. This was the blessing Ruth received from the elders at her wedding:
      “May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the family of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. Through the offspring the Lord gives you by this young woman, may your family be like that of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah.”

      A lot of evangelicals may wave this off and say the Israelites were waiting for the Messiah but in 1 Timothy 2:15 it says: “But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.”

      Unfortunately, as Lori said, the birth control mentality in the church has deprived many women from embracing their godly calling of having children. This is a huge blind spot in the evangelical church today. This is why I stopped engaging in the “culture wars” because I believe we have lost biblical culture within the church.

    3. I had 3 babies in 3 years (in my 20s) and then had my 4th baby 5 years later, when I was 30. You should have heard the negative comments! Surprisingly, it was actually people in my church who were more negative than those out in the world. My family were supportive (reluctantly, because they know how hard life is for me and were concerned another baby would make it worse) but it seems that 4 children is “too many” these days. Sad, isn’t it?

      I have always had to work, as my husband is not able to provide for us (several factors at play here).

      I admire your decision to pray that you can adopt your husband’s position. That’s why we had a 5 year gap between #3 and #4 – hubby was done at 3. I still felt like our family was incomplete.

      I would encourage you to NOT get your tubes tied, even if it is what your husband wants – I got mine done and I have regretted it ever since. It’s not that I *want* more babies – I don’t – our marriage is a shambles and I’m really only staying with him at this time until our youngest is old enough for me to leave – but I don’t even have that option anymore. I don’t want another baby now, but a few years ago, I would have liked another one. But it wasn’t an option.

      Obviously if your husband is done he’s done, but I would definitely encourage you to NOT take permanent measures to prevent future children, because none of us know what the future holds. Your husband may change his mind, or God may bless you with another one anyway…. or perhaps your family is now complete.

        1. I’m trying really hard to do that. But when every single morning starts with “pack your bags and f*** off b***” it gets difficult 🙁
          I’m trying, though.

          1. Im so sorry to hear that, KAK 😔
            My sister has dealt with that attitude and also lack of work from her husband for the majority of their marriage. It’s been very rocky. I pray that you can cling to the Lord’s example in that “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:23)

            As we know, shortly after in 1 Peter 3, those with disobedient husbands are given the charge to live respectful and pure lives, in an effort to bring about obedience in the husband.
            It can be so lonely and embittering to live in a marriage with a mean and unproductive husband. My heart goes out to you, and I know I don’t know any details other than what you shared, but if you’re a believer in Jesus Christ, He WILL give you the strength to endure, and I pray He, the God of all comfort, will provide that in generous measure! ♥️ Fight the good fight of faith!

          2. KAK as a man, I am deeply sorry that this is happening to you. Men should not speak to anyone but especially women/wives this way.

          3. I sorry KAK. That would be hard. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure you’ve said before your husband suffers from mental illness?
            Are you in the word daily? Do you pray for your husband? Do you have a counselor or Godly mentor you can turn to?

            I understand your wanting to leave, but it won’t fix the problem. It may even increase his bad behaviour. And a lot more responsibility would land on you’re shoulders. You’ve said to some degree you’re husband is unable to be the sole provider? Could it be part of the reason for his behaviour? Men often value their ability to work on their value as a man. Their self esteem can take a huge blow if they are unable to provide like they want and it can manifest itself in abusive or addictive behaviours.

            While I know it’s hard, keep asking God to help you love your husband and be a demonstration of Christ’s love for him right where he needs it most.

          4. Thank you Kari, B. Gordon and Meg for your encouraging words. They help immensely.

            Yes my husband has health problems, including mental illness and drug addiction that make things difficult. Plus, we own a shop and covid has made things nearly impossible for retail. What should be our busiest month of the year, in the lead-up to Christmas, is exactly the opposite right now. So of course worries there are making everything so much worse (for my husband mainly, as he manages our finances. I just bear the brunt of his stress.)

            I am a believer, and I do pray daily, and meditate in His word. It is what gets me through. I think I need to pray for my husband more, though. I pray for my children daily, but I’m sometimes too upset to pray for my husband. Maybe that is the key I’m missing.

  2. Lori, this is such an important teaching! I have said many times over that the fallen culture we now live in is the fault of us Christians. We took our eyes of Jesus and started looking at the “American dream” with a house in the suburbs with a picket fence and 2.5 kids. We waited until we “had all our ducks in a row” (graduate college, save for the down payment, etc.) before the wife went off birth control pills and had 2 kids and then the husband got fixed. We literally snipped our influence in the world when our husbands got neutered.

    If most Christian couples had all the kids God wanted them to have (very rare to have 19, the average one woman can have in a lifetime is around 8) then we could turn this ship around in 1 generation.

    1. I’m not sure if it’s the same in other places, but here in New Zealand, every time there is an article on social media about poverty, and charities feeding kids etc. the most common comment is “why do people have kids they can’t afford?” and “that’s why you buy a house before you have kids” and negative stuff like that, inferring that children are an “optional extra” that are nice to have, only once we are financially secure. Children are not seen as our future, and blessings from God, but as burdens and something only the privileged rich should be having. And then, they should only have one or two because the world is over-populated.

      I would have had a dozen children if I could, instead of just 4. But my husband refused, mostly for financial reasons.

  3. I’m part of a large family and I want a large family myself. My fiancé comes from a standard American broken home and mixed family. I want a honeymoon baby and he really wants to adopt. Before we got engaged, I told him what I had been learning about the effects of birth control and he agreed that we would let God handle the kids. More kids = more cute babies, more curious toddlers, and more loving helpers to clean the house 😉

    1. The “loving helpers to clean the house” thing didn’t work out so well for me…. Hopefully you will have more luck than I did! 🙂

        1. KAK is a godly woman who trained her children according to Scripture! But children are individuals, you’ll see that when you are blessed with one!

          1. Oh I already see that since, as I said, I am a part of a large family. What I mean is I simply will not allow my children to slack in their duties, but instead I will train them to obey cheerfully and function as a part of the family, including with chores. Being disobedient isn’t expressing individuality. I’ve seen the foolishness being switched out of many a stubborn, rebellious child in the countless testimonies I read in books and online, and I have full confidence that my Lord will cause any children I have to flourish 🤗

          2. Reading books and watching Youtube is not the same as parenting a child. KAK raised her children Biblically, and I think we should respect her and her words.

          3. @Truth Seeker
            “Being disobedient is not expressing individuality.” Yes! If only every last teen-age generation would be taught this by their parents and teachers they could be saved from a lot of trouble. Little do they know that rebellion has been tried, tried again, and tried some more by every last generation that has come before them. When teenagers rebel they actually lose their individuality and become just another statistic. Partying, lying, fornication, drugs, gangs, witchcraft, atheism – none of these things are new concepts. They corrupted people before they were born, and they’re definitely going to corrupt people once these teenagers become old, dead, and forgotten. It’s the vicious cycle of sin that despite thousands of years of human history, we still have yet to learn our lesson. I just wanted to tell you, Truth Seeker, that I wish someone would have told me that when I was a teenager. God bless you.

          4. Where was I disrespecting her words? Can I not respect her words and the words of others who have raised children that I have also read in books and the internet? Did I not read her words on the internet? I am confused because she is just another testimony in the internet, which you seen to have an issue with me reading, and nowhere did I disrespect her. I am truly sorry if confidence in my Lord and the hope from others I have read who have raised children disrespected her, even if I don’t understand how.

          5. Ok, here’s a good example of how Christians get scared/jaded into not having kids, because apparently our reaction to seeing a young woman hopeful to have children and raise them to be godly is to discourage her of her ability to do so. This whole attitude of cutting down every newlywed’s joyful anticipation of parenthood with a “Haha you won’t think they’re so fun when they arrive!” is absolutely part of the anti-child mentality.

            If someone says they want to train a child according to the Bible, and you take that as a personal insult, I don’t think the fault lies with the person who said it.

          6. When you tell a wise, godly mother of four that you (a single woman) will do a better job raising children, you are disrespecting her. KAK raised her children by the Bible. She is telling you that you can raise children by Scripture and still encounter difficulties. You would be wise to listen to an older, godly women as we are commanded to do.

          7. My comment that “I hope you have better luck” in regards to raising willing helpers was genuine. It was in no way snarky, or an insinuation that it can’t be done. My life has been very different to Truth Seekers will be, I’m sure, and diligently training my children to clean the house was not something I focused on. I had other priorities.
            My comment was in no way meant to be discouraging.

          8. Truth Seeker – I did not find your comment to be disrespectful. When I wrote my response to your comment, my teenage daughter was vacuuming the lounge floor…. after many attempts from me to get her to do so. All of my children do regular chores and have done since they were small. It was the “loving helpers” thing that made me smile in a jaded way. None of them love to help, but they will all do so if pushed enough. They’re not always very loving, either. Or easy to love, for that matter. Teenage hormones and dramas have tested my patience over the years, many times. But their childhoods haven’t been easy, either.

            It was certainly not my intention to discourage you from having children and training them well. I am sorry that my comment appears to have been taken that way, but that was absolutely not what I meant at all.

            My “I hope you have more luck than I did” comment was exactly that – I wish you well. I hope you are able to raise your children in such a way that they make you proud and grow into good, Godly people.

          9. People who don’t have kids always know best! Bless you, Truth Seeker, you will grow in wisdom with time, especially if you follow Mrs. Lori and others like her.

      1. KAK, that is exactly what I thought and I am sorry if I disrespected you. I was just confused about the other who seemed to think that my intentions based off of others’ success (the Alexanders, the Pearls, the Campbells, the Duggars, and countless family acquaintances and other testimonies) disregarded or disrespected you. Honestly, I’m not really sure where that confusion came from as all I did was state what I was planning on doing and not commenting on your situation at all. I’m apologize for any harm done, that was not my intention at all.

        1. No harm done as far as I’m concerned 🙂
          It’s very easy for misunderstandings to happen on the internet, as it’s really difficult to convey tone in writing.

          1. Mrs Goodman – I agree. A switch was never used in our house and nobody was ever told to be loving. I can’t imagine how switching a child into being loving will work. Children are loving because of the love their parents show them. We love them even when they’re difficult, and they see that and learn from it.
            Children learn what they live; they live what they see. The best way to raise loving, kind children is to love them fiercely and fortunately, this is an instinct God puts into all mothers. I have no doubt that the young women who are not yet mothers will be exactly the same: fiercely loving their babies. A switch isn’t necessary.

          2. Lori – Discipline is necessary – absolutely!! Correcting our children and training them well is part of loving them. But if children aren’t fiercely loved, switches aren’t going to make a blind bit of difference. Michael Pearl teaches this well – the parents have to be fully present and loving first, then loving correction will naturally follow. But without parents being fully present and loving, punishment isn’t going to make any difference. We only have to look at the likes of that poor little Lydia Schatz for proof of that. If a rod was all we needed, she would still be alive.

  4. When did this idea that children are optional infect the church? Since the very beginning and deep into the previous century, throughout all of Christendom everyone was aware of the established doctrine that willing having a fruitless marriage was to live in sin.

    Especially in the evangelical movement and in increasingly in the older established traditions there is an epidemic of house husbands and fruitless marriages. What’s worse is they’re now remaking biblical doctrine to not only excuse but promote such degeneracy. These are not “liberal” churches mind you, these are conservative churches always eager to preserve the latest liberal revolution. Thankfully a remnant remains.

    1. “When did this idea that children are optional infect the church?”

      At the Anglican Lambeth conference in 1930.

    2. I am not aware of any couples in my church who have chosen not to have children. But there are very few families who have not limited their family size.

      1. Exactly as Mrs. Lori did! We should all follow this wise, godly woman who raised four children who walk in Truth

        1. Mrs Goodman,
          Do you know KAK personally?
          I ask because you seem to have a working knowledge of how she raised her children. I mean no disrespect to KAK but no one person is more important than the other. I have Raised 10 children and about to have my 11th. Yet I can still learn from others. The commenter above may not have any children, a spouse or her own home to care for yet. Yet we can all learn from her positive attitude. Surely parenting is hard and it will be a new experience for her. But talking about older, more experienced mother’s in such a stuffy way is one sure fire way to dampen the spirits of an otherwise hopeful young lady. And turn her into a stuffy old battleaxe if she lacks wisdom.

          1. I don’t believe I know Mrs Goodman, no.
            I wouldn’t be looking to me for parenting advice, either. My oldest is 17 and although he is an incredible young man – kind, gentle, generous, hard working – all those good traits – he is not yet walking with the Lord and he chooses to smoke, drink, do burnouts in his car with his mates on public roads and be a typical young person. He also holds down a very physical full-time job and is 100% independent (he has his own house on the farm he lives on). But walking in the Lord? Not yet. I pray for him daily, though.

          2. KAK,
            Thankyou for replying.
            I was reading the exchange as it unfolded. And I’m sure Mrs Goodman meant well. However it came across to me as rather snobbish, almost arrogant. Surely as we all start out there is an element of ignorance. But there is a sweet hopefulness and endearing nature of a young lady about to embark on her life as a young bride. And it is to be admired and, to some degree sought to be rekindled by older, married ladies. One of the biggest killers of such a nature is a verbal dressing down or dissmissal by older married women. No matter how well intentioned they are. Allow a young bride to have her dreams and expectations within a healthy realm. But come along side as an encouragement and help. (I’m speaking in general terms here. )

            Ladies have spent too much time lecturing and scolding young brides and sharing their tales of woe. It’s ungodly and needs to stop. I was just frustrated by Mrs. Goodman’s comments. Albeit well intentioned.

          3. Young women today are too sensitive. They have been so coddled! Everything is all about their feelings. They need to understand rebuke, or in this case, gentle disagreement. It won’t hurt them!

  5. I have told my story a few times in this blog. My husband got me pregnant on our honeymoon when I was 19. Our family was thrilled! I had three boys barely 3 years apart and my husband said he was going to keep me pregnant til I was 30 at least (all I ever wanted to be!) Early in my 4th pregnancy we had major complications and as a result I couldn’t have any more children. I was depressed and devastated for a couple of months and finally understood the Lord knew what was best for us! All three of my sons are grown now, two married (no grandchildren just yet) and I still stay home where I belong and take care of our home and serve my husband. My advice to young Christian wives – marry early, get pregnant early, stay pregnant as long as you can, stay home FOREVER (not just until the kids are in school!) and obey and serve your husband. I know I am not in the majority with this philosophy but it worked for me. When I was a younger pregnant little mama people used to ask me (and my mother) if I knew what caused you to get pregnant and that they had never seen me when I wasn’t waddling around pregnant. I laughed it off like they were joking, but that is how the world is today filled with feminists! Same folks always asked me if I was going to ever get a job or an education! Neither for me thanks!!!

  6. Great article.

    I’m part of the 5% of American men, unmarried, because 98% of American women hate the idea of getting married and having as many children as they can have.

    Women often choose the lazy slacker men, who don’t want kids, and who give women lots of money and vacations, to compensate for this gross and sinful perversion of Gods will.

    Great article, Lori.

    Not a single movie or television show since 1980 shows a young woman marrying a young man, staying home, and having as many children as she can have, while the man provides on one income. Because if that happened, it would destroy the stranglehold the of the owners of the Federal Reserve (who happen to be Talmudic Jews),

    So, we have a dysfunctional society, with the average American wasting nine years watching television, the fertility rate at all time lows, the Christian church lacking a spine to confront evil, 70% of all clicks online for porn, 80 million Americans on psychotropic drugs, women initiating divorce 80% of the time, amidst more dysfunction.

    Most men and women will choose the easier course, and, to be honest, the fault is not so much with women, it’s with the 95% of American men who refuse to confine sex in marriage and/or have as many children as they can have in marriage.

    However, by taking the easier course, and having lots of sex without children, the energy of America is depleted.

    Demography is destiny. That is true of families, the church, and nation.

    Christians have allowed themselves to be deceived into thinking birth control is an option.

    That must stop,YESTERDAY!

    Preachers need to CONSISTENTLY be teaching PUBLICLY, REBUKING the sins of masturbation, birth control, pornography, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and abortion, among others.

    One of two things happens. Either the sinner destroys their sin, or they leave the church.

  7. It’s not that easy. I got pregnant 2 months after trying and got pregnant right away. I miscarried last year, and I haven’t been able to get pregnant again. At this point, I think my husband and I should look into fostering or adopting. However, he doesn’t want to give up on trying yet. He’s convinced that I’ll get pregnant again, but I’m not really sure. I still feel like fostering or adopting is the best thing right now for us.

    1. How old are you? Was it your first baby? And known conditions that would make conception harder?

      I had 2 miscarriages last year. While I’m 39 and I have 10 living children, I became very discouraged when my cycle became almost non existent and month after month I got negative tests back. I adjusted to the idea of having 10 kids and considered selling off my nursery furniture. My last miscarriage was in early August last year.

      Well, God proved me wrong. I found out on July 24th #11 was on the way. And now I am almost 24 weeks along and other than being at risk of placenta previa everything looks great!

      Don’t give up hope yet. Keep trying and having fun in the process. 😊

      1. I was 30 years old when it happened. It was my first. I am thirty one right now, soon to be thirty-two. No more pregnancies at the moment. As far as I know, I don’t have any conditions. My cycles happen every month, and are of normal length. I’m trying not to give up hope, but it hasn’t been easy. Thanks for the kind words.

        1. I don’t know if you’re open to trying supplements, Anonymous, but if you are, Red Clover is one that was recommended to a friend of mine, and she had great success with it. It’s available at most health shops.

        2. Hang in there! I am sure you will have children. Please make sure you are happy and healthy first. You should be in optimal health so read up on all the supplements that will benefit you as KAK suggested below. Also read up on all the herbal things you can integrate in your life for example red clover can be had as a tea! Monitor your body, understand your cycle and be attentive to when you ovulate. Your blessing will come when you least expect it. If you are Catholic there are novenas such as the 52 day novena you can do. And other than that read over the Old Testament story of Rachel and Leah, God opens wombs. Be comforted by this eternal truth and know all that he gives and withholds is out of love.

  8. yes!! I’m 16 and this is all I want to do in life: get married early, start having kids early and have a lot of them, be a keeper at home, and serve the Lord and my husband. My parents and friends at school look at me like I’m crazy if I mention my what I want… thank you for the encouragement Ms. Lori!

  9. Amen!

    As another commenter noted, it is often (usually) the conservative Christian church members who will respond more negatively to a new pregnancy that is not #1 or #2 than will non-church people. It’s pretty sad.

    We’re currently expecting #6. It’s not an easy road (we are currently missing out on most of the holidays because I am so sick with pregnancy nausea). But the blessings outweigh the costs, and God’s ways (in this case, accepting His gift of children instead of telling Him that our timing is better than His) are always better.

  10. Such a sweet picture! Look at that full head of hair! Such a blessing!!!
    We have 5 boys and are expecting our first girl due in May! God is so good and His ways are perfect! Children are a blessing from God!

  11. What would you say for women who have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy) or some other mental or physical complication that doesn’t eliminate the possibly of pregnancy but still would result in a very difficult one? I’m 15 and definitely want to get married to a good dude when my parents let me in about 7-10 years (and keep the house clean and cook as best I can and all that), but am terrified of getting pregnant and hence want to avoid kids.

    1. Begin reading your Bible daily so you won’t live a life of fear. For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind, His Word tells us. Now, you need to begin believing it!

  12. Children are a joy , blessing , and delight! 🌸 We wouldn’t want to be without. Yes they take time and boundless energy and much wisdom to raise but God is here to help us.
    Just want to encourage young couples to discuss the children topic before marriage. And maybe even approximately how many you wish to have.
    Also if your husband decides that now you are done having children or that it’s time for a break for a few years from having any, let’s , as wives, respect his decision-even if it’s hard. Perhaps he see you are weary and need more rest. Perhaps he feels you are too busy with the ones you have and needs more of you. Perhaps it’s selfishness on his part but hopefully it’s LOVE for you as we read about in Ephesians 5. …..

    1. As a man who accepts that husbands are called to headship and wives to submission, I can appreciate your attitude (which is very beautiful). But you all should not take birth control pills or mutilate your reproductive organs because that is sin. If he chooses to employ male contraception, coitus interruptus (Onanism), etc. the sin is on him.

      Wives should obey husbands but only God is owed absolute obedience. You should not obey your husband when he commands you to sin.
      In this sense, you should not respect his decision.

        1. Historically, Protestants understood contraception as the sin of Onan.

          There’s now an alternative explanation for what Onan’s sin (mortal – God killed him) was- this interpretation was invented by late 20th century Christians so that they could ignore God’s teachings and reject God’s blessing.

          Martin Luther understood contraception to be a sodomitic sin and he was pretty well versed in scripture and history.

        2. Lila – This is a personal conviction thing. It’s certainly not a salvation issue. Disobeying your husband in the matter of birth control is a far graver matter than spacing out children. The Bible specifically commands wives to obey their husbands. But there is no mention of birth control in the Bible at all, even though ancient cultures used it (acacia, and other herbs and methods) so it was around in Bible days. If God saw fit to put the matter of birth control in the Bible, it would be there. Instead, He gave us general commandments regarding families (go forth and multiply) and very specific commandments to wives (obey your husbands).

          1. I have to disagree with that and agree with B.Gordon. we are Catholic and birth control is a sin (and up until the Lambeth conference, all other protestant sects considered it to be a sin as well until they caved). I am to submit to my husband but not when I am asked to sin. Aside from the sin of birth control, hormonal contraception can also act as an abortifacient and abortion is murder. I don’t see it as any different as being asked to abort a late term pregnancy simply because the little human zygote is just barely beginning. If a husband insists on birth control, he is free to take measures on himself (condoms or whatever else) and that will be his sin, but I will not willingly sin myself. The sin remains with the spouse that willingly sins.

          2. I respectfully disagree. Historically, Christians have always used moral reasoning based on Biblical principles (e.g. natural law as described by Paul in Romans) rather than the libertine attitude that if there isn’t an explicit NT verse prohibiting something, it’s ok. There are immoral actions not referenced explicitly in a NT verse. Even with the principle of norma normans applied to Holy Scripture, moral reasoning as a supplement to explicit Biblical commands is sometimes required. The overwhelming weight of historic Christianity is behind the belief that contraception is a grave sin. That the change occurred mid-20th century, precisely with the overwhelming secularization of our society, tells us all we need to know.

            Birth control is in Genesis (Onan). 20th century Christians decided to reinvent what Onan’s sin was – his punishment wasn’t the punishment for breaking Levirate custom (not even a law yet).

            Women shouldn’t mutilate their bodies or use chemicals. Men shouldn’t mutilate their bodies or spill their seed into a piece of latex rubber to be tied up and flused or thrown in the garbage.

            Husbands are owed obedience but not absolute obedience in the case of an immoral command. Only God is owed absolute obedience.

        3. Controversial issue to be sure. We don’t always know the inside stories. Women were created in a very special way that it can be possible to space children naturally. Study it out if you want too!
          Debi Pearl also writes on the subject in her books Preparing and Created to be a Helpmeet.

          1. “Women were created in a very special way that it can be possible to space children naturally.”

            If you are referring to exclusive breast feeding, that is untrue. My aunt had 10 children in 13 years because she thought exclusive breast feeding would prevent pregnancy. It did not. I have boys 9 months and 29 days apart (no preemies) and I was exclusively breast feeding the older. Now, I was thrilled (and scared, not going to lie) to be pregnant so quickly, but no woman should think breast feeding will prevent her from becoming pregnant.

            God knows what He is doing. Leave it to Him.

          2. No, breastfeeding isn’t going to work. But if a woman has a normal cycle, there are usually only 4 days in the month where she is most fertile. Avoiding sex on those days will lessen the chance of pregnancy. If a woman gets to know her body she will know when she is ovulating/about to. Avoid sex 2 days either side of this time to space out babies. It doesn’t always work, though.

  13. Hi Lori, I am not a Christian but I love your teachings on womanhood/motherhood. I’m 25 and currently work at a really cool cycling shop. People often ask me “wow your job is so fun! Do you love it?” And of course I do but I tell them “it’s not my dream job”. They always look confused as I tell them it’s to be a wife and mother. All my life that’s all I wanted but I’ve gone along with societies pressures of being independent and such. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years but he still will not marry me or even think about having children (ever!). Being 25 i feel like I’m getting too old to attract an amazing man who will care for me and give me a child. *sigh*

    1. Well, Mariah, you definitely won’t attract an amazing man if you are living with another one. You not being a Christian will even make it that much harder to find a man who wants a wife who is home full time caring for his children. It’s a sad world we are living in.

  14. Pretty much all Christians (Protestant, Catholic and Orthodox) until 1930 taught that artificial contraception is gravely sinful. At the Anglican Lambeth conference, that church was the first to accept birth control. However, the press misreported what was said at that conference. The “endorsement” of birth control at that conference was extremely restrictive (“only under grave circumstances and never for reasons of selfishness”) but it opened the floodgates and now pretty much all churches teach it is ok.

    It isn’t (or wasn’t) just a Catholic thing. The Protestant church fathers taught against it.
    See the essay “Hating babies, hating God” by Aaron D. Wolf (RIP) a Lutheran Christian and man who was blessed with many children.

  15. We’re expecting our 4th baby in the next month. This will make 4 boys in 5 1/2 years for us. And my husband couldn’t be more thrilled to have a house full of little men. 🙂

    We specifically chose to conceive baby #4 at the beginning of a pandemic fraught with unknowns because we knew it was the right next step for our family. And we want our lives to be defined by radical obedience to God, not by fears and uncertainties.

  16. Birth control is very clearly against God’s purpose and design for marriage, for physical intimacy and for us as women. It is a rejection of God’s gift of life. It is very clearly sinful.

    All Christian Churches knew, understood and taught this until the 1930’s.

  17. Dear Lori,

    I hope you will also speak about how so many older apparent Christians despise men and women who forgo the glories of the world and raise a family. From parents to pastors, they really hate men and women marrying and starting a family and being poor doing it. It is something you and your husband need to speak to older people about. It is them who are driving the culture of death, not the young.

  18. Thank you so much for this! I am a man and I know you do not teach men, but I’m super grateful for this article; it has helped me to resolve some of the issues I have thought about in relation to bearing children. Albeit, having children doesn’t look like something I’ll be doing very soon; I’m still single. Again, thank you and may the Lord continue to bless and keep you!

  19. Christianity is based on the teachings of Christ and his disciples as found in the New Testament. Nowhere there are we commanded “be fruitful and multiply”. We’re not even commanded to marry. Don’t you think we would have been if it was so critical? Where we are bound by scriptures we are bound and where we are not bound we are free. Contraception isn’t the problem here anyway. The foundational problem is that we barely have a church anymore nor very many followers of Christ.

    There is no comparison to the present age of nearly 8 billion people and the beginning of human creation. After early humanity was fruitful and multiplied nearly all of them were destroyed by God in Noah’s flood! God wants obedient children even if it’s only a few. Scripture also reveals that in the end most of humanity will once again be destroyed. God doesn’t need us to breed. He already knows it will happen. He wants righteous quality not quantity. He’s proven that.

    1. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband…But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” ~1 Corinthians 7:2, 9

      1. See, that’s the problem when feminist rebellious church wives get a reputation for being sexless, difficult and, well, if we’re honest quite overweight. Not to mention women in the church aren’t Really interested in marriage until they’re nearly 30 anyway. Typical marriage is no longer a solution to fornication. Single men are already hearing that from the near celibate husbands. I won’t even tell you what the divorced men say.

        It’s about reputation. I don’t know how that gets fixed now.

        1. So you would rather choose to remain single because burnt and bitter men have had bad experiences rather than trust God?
          Women have difficult, bitter experiences in marriage, too. But that’s what faith is for.

        2. The Bible is God’s Word, and God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. If it’s in the Bible, then it must still be true no matter what culture shows or says.

      2. That verse has nothing to do with having as many children as you can. It also makes it quite clear that to Paul marriage was a concession but not ideal which is stated specifically in I Corinthians 7:6 &7. This verse actually proves Twilight’s point. Paul wished everyone could remain single such as he was.

  20. Hey Lori, I’m not sure what to do. I have had two amazing children and I stay at home and homeschool. My husband has always wanted 2 kids and that’s it. I have always wanted more. I felt this massive desire lately to have another baby I have always had it in the back of my mind. But I did spend most of my 2nd pregnancy on bed rest and after have had some postpartum complications that don’t make having a baby impossible but it could be dangerous and I could be on bed rest again. I pray a lot about this and I can’t tell if the issues are a sign from god to stop and enjoy what I have or the desire I’m feeling is a calling to have another one. I trust 100% in god and have no fear either way just hard to know what’s right and wrong. It’s hard to feel such a desire but my husband doesn’t have that desire yet

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