Wanting a Partner and Not a Servant

Wanting a Partner and Not a Servant

A meme has been going around social media sites lately that states this: “Parents, I can’t stress this enough…Teach your daughter economic independence so in the future she can have a partner, not a master. Teach your son to do housework so in the future, he can have a partner, not a servant.”

This post is a slam against biblical roles laid out in the Bible. It’s a way to mock them.

Do you know that there’s nowhere in the Bible that commands women to be economically independent? Yes, many will use the Proverbs 31 woman as an example but even in Proverbs 31, there’s no command for women to earn money and she wasn’t a career woman as many claim. In fact, we are told in 1 Timothy that older widows are to be supported by family and relatives, and if she has none, then the church is to provide for them. Nowhere does is say that older widows must go find a job to make money in order to survive. Younger widows aren’t told to have a back up plan “just in case.” No, they are told to marry, bear children, and guide the home. The men are to be the providers of the women.

Are husbands who work hard to provide for their families servants to their families? Yes. They are serving their families by working hard so their families will be provided for, and this is good. Are women who stay home, bear children, and guide the home servants to their husbands? Yes, as their help meets, they are serving their husbands by taking care of their homes and children, and this is good.

Our culture has made serving others as something disgusting and something that we should flee from. God tells us that the greatest of all is the servant of all. Our lives should be full of loving and serving others. “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service” (Romans 12:1). What our culture considers evil, God calls good. Don’t be sucked into worldly, godless thinking. Learn to love to serve your husband and children! When you are serving them, you are serving the Lord. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23).

This popular memes wants to make sure that sons and daughters are being raised with no clearly defined roles. No, it’s not wrong for your daughters to learn to make some money (while not going into debt for Marxist’s colleges) and sons to learn to do some homemaking, but the role of provider is clearly the men’s role and homemaking is clearly the role of women. Our culture has elevated having a job and making money and devalued homemaking, but each role is good, needed, and beneficial for the family. God’s roles create peace. This meme creates chaos and strife.

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.
Mark 9:35

47 thoughts on “Wanting a Partner and Not a Servant

  1. Amen. If a husband is working 50-60hrs a week to provide you can’t expect him to also help out with the house. Yes if he can help a little fine but things work out so much better when each spouse knows their role designed by God. Egalitarianism has destroyed marriages. Marriages work out so much better when the wife takes care of the home and the husband works hard and provides.

  2. Since Covid started I’ve been home with our 5 children. I’ve never felt more free! It’s been an adjustment trying to school our children and keep things going as our youngest is 3 months old, but I’m so happy to be home! I’m never going back to a 9-5!!!

    1. That’s wonderful to hear!! I pray the Lord continues to show you the beauty of His ways for the family! Keep up the great work!!

  3. One time I was over at my fiancé’s house cleaning up his counters after cooking when his best friend came over. This friend asked him why he was making me do all the work. I’m really shy, so I just quietly smiled and didn’t say anything. But if it happens again, I’m going to say, “because my honey works hard to provide for this household and he deserves to catch a break instead of having to help me clean. I’m quite capable of doing my job by myself, thank you.”

  4. Is it *wrong* if a husband helps his wife around the house especially if she’s sweetly told him multiple times he has no need to? My husband and I each had our own homes before we met and got married, so we are each used to doing things by ourselves since we did for many years: feminine things like cooking, decorating, and cleaning, and masculine tasks like home improvements, using power tools, the “dirty work”, etc. It’s been a challenge telling my husband that I can and enjoy serving him by doing all the care for the home! I wonder if any other readers have a similar experience?

    Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday celebrating with your family, Lori!

    1. If he Wants to help out then cool the issue is how the world is telling husbands they have to help around the house and pushing egalitarianism which isn’t biblical.

      1. Thanks for your response, Kevin! I’m always worried any time I voice my opinion I’m coming across as nagging or argumentative.

        1. Yeah state your opinion once then drop it, you are only being contentious if you keep on. You continue to do your duties and if he helps then fine. God bless!

    2. I feel like your situation could be compared to a wife getting a part-time job or, I don’t know, selling some stuff she makes herself and making some money on the side that way. It’s nice if she decides to do that, maybe the family can afford that extra vacation in the summer or she can buy her husband or children something special for a birthday gift or something. It’s all good if she wants to do that but it is not her duty to do that, her duty is keeping up the home. Same goes in your situation, it’s nice if the husband decides to help out a bit but that is not his duty.

      1. Oh I completely understand it’s not his duty and I don’t WANT him to do any of it! I try to tell him it’s all not necessary and I can do it all around the home myself because he works and homemaking is my realm, yet he insists and I feel disobedient speaking up further, so I suppose it’s easier to let it go and let him do what he wants!

        1. Oh, the way you talk, I am absolutely sure he does some chores just to be nice and not at all because he would feel obliged to do it. You sound like a very caring and content wife. A great role model for young brides to be like myself! 🙂

    3. Absolutely let him help if he wants too! A Mom of littles might devote approximately 100 hours a week to caring for her home and family. In fact she should usually be on call 24/7. A husband might tell her to just care for the children that day and he will get the rest when he comes home from work (especially in her more “vulnerable times”). He might be concerned that his wife isn’t getting sufficient sleep and take the new born baby for part of
      the night. He might enjoy cooking and want to do a meal on occasion. It might be his way of relaxing after a stressful day on the job Delight in his care for you and brag on his meal. It’s pretty neat being banished from the kitchen when he’s out there and dinner is a surprise 😁
      We work at being heirs together in the grace of life and for every couple that may look slightly different!

    4. I’ve had countless women scold me and particularly my husband because he doesn’t help around the house. And they will often lecture him. I tell them if my husband is to help I would like he’s done it out of his love for me. Not because I’ve nagged him. Which only stirs up resentment. My husband is happy to help with some things. But he waits for me to ask or tell him how or when certain tasks are done. But I never do.

      You are blessed if you have a husband who wants to help. You are even more blessed because you didn’t have to nag him to do so.. he is seeking to be a blessing to you. 😊😊

  5. The problem begins when a man goes looking for a partner instead of a wife. I tell guy’s not to even use such absurd new speak. It starts with the control of language.

    My wife is not my partner, we do not have a business arrangement, we’re not equal partners, she is my wife and I am her husband. She expects me to protect, provide and to lead. I expect her to keep the home, care for the children and I and obey me in everything. This is not a partnership, we are not equals in anyway outside of recieving Gods grace, this is where equality starts and stops for Christians.

    1. I agree with this.
      My husband and I own an antique shop together, so in that way we’re partners, but it drives me nuts when customers (regular ones who know we’re married) insist on calling him my partner. He’s not my partner, he’s my husband. It’s funny but they never refer to me as his partner – I’m always “the wife” or “the lady” or “the other half”.
      Even in our shop, we’re not equals. We each have our own roles and most of the responsibility for our business lies with him.

        1. It’s a byproduct of a sinful culture which seeks to eliminate gender and marriage altogether (and those people who eliminate these things in the name of “women’s rights” hurt women the most!).

    2. Well said Trex! I serve and obey my husband, we are NOT partners, we are NOT equals, we don’t mutually submit to each other. My husband works hard and I always cared for our children and still keep our home. He makes every decision for our family and I follow. This has been the only plan for our entire 24 years of marriage. I’ve never worked, never even finished high school – but we have an awesome marriage and family!

  6. “Parents, I can’t stress this enough…Teach your daughter Home Economics so in the future if she has a husband, she will already have mastery of her duties. Teach your son to do hard work so in the future, he can provide for his wife and children, serving them in the Lord.”

    Tweaked it a bit 😉

  7. I agree that both providing and homemaking are equally important jobs, but I think some women want their daughters to learn to take care of themselves before stepping into a relationship. Nowadays, a lot of women find careers after college so they learn to be self-sufficient before they get married. I think that these women are not trying to demean the role of a homemaker, but rather encourage women to step out of traditional boundaries and see what works best for them. This is my take on it.

      1. What’s the point in educating women past middle school, honestly? They need to just be basically literate so they can function in society, but beyond middle school education, they will become arrogant about their knowledge. What are your thoughts?

        1. “Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.” (1 Cor. 8:1)

          “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.” (1 Cor. 3:19)

        2. Well, if women are to homeschool their children, they’re going to need to have a good education themselves. Not necessarily a college education, but a K-12 education would probably prove helpful.

        3. How will one educate her children if she stops at a middle school education? I have a son and it is my job to educate him until he has completed high school. I suppose past middle school kids are able to educate themselves. So are you thinking at about 14 the boys are to start independent studies? That would work out nicely as it did in the past but the mother should have an education that at least is as good as middle school age in the past. If you find 8th grade exit exams online from the 1800s to 1930s they were extremely rigorous. Even with a couple of degrees I’d have to study to pass them.

          1. Just my story from my little corner of the world, my parents home schooled me (I’m an only child) through my sophomore year in high school and then my dad started traveling around with his job and my mom and I began traveling with him. Through my entire life my goal (and my parent’s goal as well) was for me to be a lifelong full time stay at home wife and mother, just like my mom did. Prior to starting 11th grade I was 17 and completely uninterested in school and traveling like we were it was becoming difficult to keep up with schooling, so it was decided that I had enough school. I met my future husband right before I turned 18 and we were married 3 days after my 19th birthday and had our first child before I turned 20. We homeschooled 3 boys (with a little help from my mom), and now all 3 are grown and two have degrees from the University of Miami and work for my dad and my husband. Long story short, we made it just fine with me not even finishing high school. Not for everybody, but praise the Lord I am still a happy little housewife totally obedient to and taken care of by my husband of 24 years with no regrets whatsoever!!!!

  8. Since you believe that women should not be working in general, how far do you think it is necessary to educate them? My daughter is very passionate about medicine and would like to become a doctor (she already finished premed and majored in chemistry) but my husband thinks she should quit her studies and is threatening to stop funding her tuition since she has a boyfriend and they are planning on getting married in the near future. What do you think we should do?

    1. If she is getting married soon going to med school would be the worst decision……more debt, time away from the home/husband, etc.

    2. If her father is funding her studies and thinks it best that she stops, he has every right to withdraw his own money as he thinks is best. I obviously don’t know all the kinks here, but I would think that she can trust her father to have her best interest in mind and that he’s doing this out of love for her. I beg pardon if that’s a brash assumption.

  9. Fault based divorce was the underpinning of the traditional system where wives could stay home and focus there and men worked outside the home to provide. It was the consequences of breaking the contract that held up traditional marriage in a legal sense. The traditional system was completely undermined when the legal consequences for breaking the marriage contract were instead reserved exclusively for men after divorce and wives were given a free pass, even if they were adulterous.

    The quoted meme is of course the same old tiresome feminist dogma, women get the raw deal in marriage. Men controled the money in a marriage and didn’t help around the house. Wives don’t want to submit to husbands authority but the reality is wives, in a legal sense, are in nearly complete control now!

    Because of this the few single young men who are even willing to take a chance on marriage want a wife with skin’ in the game. A wife who earns money. Young people see divorce as a likely possibility now. Young men are risking the most if they marry. If she doesn’t work, contribute to the financial bottom line, he’s risking everything *he worked for”! 10 years later a stay-at-home wife and mother can divorce for any reason.

    Even she was adulterous, a divorcing wife will receive Primarily physical custody of children. If she didn’t work or can’t earn money moving forward it’s even worse. I’ve seen decent Christian men reduced to visitors in their children’s lives by frivolously divorcing wives, even adulterous wives. Men lose kids, homes, businesses. Paying lump cash sums, child support, alimony. Sometimes I’ve seen ex wives take up with men they started having sex with while still married.

    The only reason single men would want to enter traditional marriage now, under a discriminatory divorce system with a reputation for abusing husbands and fathers, is if women had an honorable reputation. Women as a collective have a terrible reputation. The reputation of an individual woman does not fix the foundational problem of disproportionate legal risk. Men are being asked to trust women way beyond the point women’s reputations can afford they be trusted.

    1. I narrowly dodged being raised in this situation. My parents divorced and luckily my mom gave up custody and dad raised me. I cannot imagine being raised by a woman who was cheating on my father and now with another man. While at the same time im not allowed to see my father but 2 days a month. Then the govt takes 50% of his income and gives it to her so she can blow it on herself in the name of parenting! My mother was a terrible parent and the most selfish person i know. I would have joined a violent street gang to get out of there.

      To this day she still laments that she should have got custody of me. And my father pay her child support. I am almost 40 and desperately tring to keep my daughter from absorbing feminist lies.

  10. A meme has been going around social media sites lately that states this: “Parents, I can’t stress this enough…Teach your daughter economic independence so in the future she can have a partner, not a master. Teach your son to do housework so in the future, he can have a partner, not a servant.”

    Lemme guess: this meme has appeared on at least one site that claims to be Christian?

  11. I saw that exact meme yesterday and commented to my wife how sad it was. She fully agreed. We believe the biblical imperative is to teach our children to hide God’s word in their hearts, not some fluffy slogan or politically correct meme.

  12. I do not hear you instructing parents not to send their sons to Marxist institutions. Why? There they will find pagan and atheist women, and Godly women will remain alone.

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