Continuation of a Dysfunctional Life
This was shared on my Facebook page last week:
The following is a comment about Joel’s tweet written by James D Ferrand:
It amazes me, that our generations, mainly 80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s babies, most of us grew up in broken homes, and many of us dealt with the social and psychological consequences of such, sowing a lack of growth and maturity because of this. In any case, we were not shown the proper way to have family, with two parents or without. And you can’t expect the education system to teach this, as it’s a family dynamic and should remain so, intimate and not institutionalized for genuine authenticity.
We coped with our broken homes with addiction, video games, drugs, sex, whatever vice that we could use to “escape.” We continue this “coping” into our adult life by leaving nasty comments on threads like this before retreating back to Netflix for the night to ignore and tune out the world’s problems. And how powerless we must truly feel in-between cries of “we are powerful.” How sad it really is. How deeply we have all been lied to.
Where what’s being said is fundamentally true for everyone regardless of your world-views or opinions. One child, two loving parents, is and will always be what is going to set a child up for less problems in his or her adult life, not more.
To insult this basic premise and building-block of family is a coping mechanism and nothing more. People are either so jaded, black-pilled that they’ve given up and are calling their self-induced nihilism “being a realist,” or they genuinely think doing what’s harmful is, in fact, better somehow because of an op-ed they read somewhere online that reinforced their already held bias.
If not they summon the straw-man, “Well, I had two parents and had a terrible childhood.” Well, I have news for you.
Having two parents wasn’t your problem; having dysfunctional ones was. So stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater like you do with everything else, not limited to and including faith, God, and Christianity because some hypocrites at a church in your town belittled a gay friend or family member of yours, or your grandmas made you shut-off the Nintendo to go to church when you didn’t want to.
Most peoples’ rejections of Christian ideals are, in fact, reactions not responses.
Because they are still coping, instead of owning up to our broken-ness, facing it, and healing by saying, “Though I didn’t have this growing up, this is the right way, and how can I heal my trauma in order for me to have family the right way and not be a dysfunctional parent.” Esoteric, spirituality, and even mysticism aside, the principles alone without the faith are even slandered and violently rebuked.
But pride, a nasty thing pride is and pride does what pride does best…
Act like a jerk and ignore the pain you have to face a way to improve your life.
No, instead of the rational approach, it’s “leave edgy online insult here” then accuse the Christian of being irrational because they to choose to believe in a higher power.
Continues with dysfunctional life…
Says they believe in a higher power; they just don’t call it God…
Peak failure and increasing daily.
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
11 thoughts on “Continuation of a Dysfunctional Life”
Unfortunately, what that passage says is what’s happening today and even with it all described in detail, people don’t seem to see it. Or believe it.
I look at young (and not so young) people today and I feel so sad to see them yelling at their parents, dressing in a way that reveals their bodies to the world, treating sex as if it was something mundane and that you give to everyone and getting further away from God.
And blaming grandma, because she made them shut-off the Nintendo to go to church when they didn’t want to, like James D. Ferrand says above.
I was raised with dysfunctional parents and sometimes I still have to cope with the psychological consequences of it , but I can’t blame anyone but them, for it. God is not responsible for what they did or how they treated me. They where. And the best thing I can do, is do what they didn’t do: have a blessed and happy marriage and try my best to do God’s will. Because THAT’S what’s going to make me happier and holier, not blaming everyine else for my problems or seeking refuge on Netflix, drink and drugs.
God bless you, Lori! :0)
That was a very interesting read. Thanks.
“One child(or more..be fruitful and multiply?), two loving parents, is and will always be what is going to set a child up for less problems in his or her adult life, not more.”
THAT is the fundamental unit of the human civilization.Period.
Ask God or ask your sociologists!
They’ll answer the same the thing.
Why can’t people get it!?
Unpopular fact:pre-marital sex IS the major reason behind the current immorality in the world.Took me some time to figure out but thank God I did.
Had some clue when I had read once that “Sex is the greatest drive in humans and therefore each and every society made measures to keep it in order”.
Thank you so much for your sharing. I’ve read such horrible comments…I’m sorry you go through that. Keep up your good work of teaching..we all need it ?
Dear Yash, some years ago, read a book about sex and the human race – it was written back in the 1930s by a doctor; think his last name was Lambert. Anyway he basically said that men, especially, who sleep around, expend energy at the expense of actually accomplishing things.
Dear Sue,thanks for replying.
Hope you are safe and doing well by the grace of God.
Thank you for the suggestion of the book.I will definitely find out and look into it further and plan on reading the book to know more.
Also I wanted to share this article by Kirk Durston.This one really opened my eyes.
Read it just before Christmas I guess.
You would know the famous book Sex and Culture by J.D.Unwin and it literally says that those cultures which had pre-nuptial chastity ALONG WITH absolute post-nuptial monogamy i.e. basically one sex partner for life,had the greatest cultures and flourished in all the fields.
J.D.Unwin wasn’t even religious.
Here is the link.
Plus if you don’t mind I wanted to ask you(in fact this is an open question to anyone who sees this) that did people in America and the Western world who weren’t Christians live by the morals(sexual morals and other morals) of Scripture and it is only the creation of the birth control pill coupled with the Sexual Revolution that has caused this serious degeneration of the social structure??
Which brings me another topic that “men prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos” is just common sense.
Ateast for me as a man,it is a basic natural instinct to want a virgin bride.Period.
Thank you for your time.?
We all have dysfunction in our lives to some extent. All of us could use improvement in our lives in some area. We were blessed with strengths and weaknesses. Yes, weaknesses are a blessing. They give us the opportunity to lean on God and to grow. My parents were Christians, married, and very strict. I loved my parents, but there were lots of punishments dealt in rage. I have 6 older siblings and the very oldest two probably bore the greatest brunt of that. I have a brother who used to say “I do that because that is what Mom and Dad would do.” A statement that is fine approach in some instances…..and not in many others. My most hated expression is, “I did the best I could.” Well, I really do understand that, but a whole lot of people’s best – including some of my own – is just not anywhere good enough. I encourage all my brothers and sisters in Christ to reflect on their weaknesses (dysfunctions) and ‘work out your salvation daily, with fear and trembling.’ Let the love of Christ perfect you and be willing to put in the work it takes to have honest self-reflection and improve those areas of weakness as a spouse and a parent, friend and follower of Christ. Our spouses and children deserve it. Our children will recognize true change (fruit) and it will teach them how to improve and overcome in areas of life where they also struggle by seeking the face of God. If you’re still breathing, it’s not too late!
Dear Yash, thank you for the link. Come to think of it, i think Dr. Lambert was also of a secular mindset. All’s i know is, 50-some years ago, things were very different – i remember. Going to HowardJohnson’s Family Restaurant, meant putting on decent clothing – clothes didn’t look like last year’s rubbish. Adults – atleast where i grew up – didn’t discuss certain things/use obscene words when children were within earshot.
Back then, it wasn’t at all unusual to see a Gospel tract sitting on a waiting room end-table. And when you saw a Bible, (on the bank supervisor ‘s desk) it was most likely a King James. Not everyone was born again, of course, but people, who really wanted no parts of the Lord, were civil about that.
i know we can’t put baby-bird back in the egg, but things were calmer back then – people’s individuality mattered.
Dear Sue,thank you for shaing your experience and wisdom.
I agree that the times 50 years back were really different.
I liked how you said that “people who didn’t want a part of the Lord we civil about it.”
Today many young adults don’t even knew how much decency was valued back then.Now it is ridiculous.
Morality seems like a joke and judgemental thing for most.
Lori, can you please give counsel on what to do if you are still in a dysfunctional situation? I am 24, almost 25. My past includes childhood sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse.
I have transformed my life though since reading your blog a year and a half ago. I now know how to cook well. I worked for a short time at a cleaning company, have no debt, run a home-based business, volunteer at an organic garden, dress feminine, and read books on biblical womanhood. I even found a Titus 2 teaching church recently and am making friends there. I also signed up for a online dating site and attend young adult fellowships each week.
I recently moved back home with my parents, but my mom still believes in independence and feminist careers and my dad says I need to focus on being whole and that I am too focused on marriage. I went on a date with a hard-working, steady, Christian potential suitor (50+ hours per week) recently who works for his dad’s business but some of the main reasons my dad doesn’t approve is because I went to college and he didn’t (but plans to) and he is a different race.
My church may have some girls my age who need a roommate, which I have considered because my mother is often angry and bitter towards me for not being close to her emotionally and seeking other godly female mentors. However, I am still unmarried and unsure about how to navigate this whole situation. I am trying to move forward but my values are considered very idealistic in my home. Thanks so much.
If your father has a thing against your suitor because of his race, then your father needs some serious help. He needs to let go of that racist attitude and let you be happy.
As for college, it’s not for everyone.