The Divorce Fantasy World

The Divorce Fantasy World

“The kids are socially invisible. If they have a problem, we take them to therapy. We put them on medication. But we never admit that maybe the adults should have worked as hard on their marriages as they seem to work on managing their divorce. And we certainly never tell the adults not to remarry,” wrote Jennifer Roback Morse in her article Divorce Enablers: The Liberal Fantasy World is Wrecking Children’s Lives.

“In the Divorce Fantasy World, the children are all better off if their parents split than if they stay together. The children are delighted that their parents are happy. They have no ill-feelings about being asked to move every other week, a fate that few adults would willingly endure. Children are ok with calling their mom’s new husband, ‘dad’, or seeing their dad in bed with another woman. Children have no feelings at all about their family photos being taken down. They never feel jealous of the children of the new union, children who absorb the attention of their parent and new spouse. No, my goodness, no: the children from the original union never feel like leftovers from a previous relationship.

“To keep the Fantasy alive, anyone who does not follow the Socially-Approved Divorce Script, must be silenced. This is bad enough for abandoned spouses. But for children of divorce, it is literally a nightmare.

“The kids are socially invisible. If they have a problem, we take them to therapy. We put them on medication. But we never admit that maybe the adults should have worked as hard on their marriages as they seem to work on managing their divorce. And we certainly never tell the adults not to remarry.

“The cultural elites love the Sexual Revolution and actively promote the Divorce Ideology. They provide a platform for happily-divorced people, jolly blended families and all the rest. They never mention the abandoned spouses or the shattered children. They need all this propaganda because that’s what it takes to convince people that biological bonds don’t matter either to children or adults.”

Why do you think I fight so hard to keep marriages together and even encourage Christian women to fight for their marriages? Nothing good comes from divorce. Nothing. Children live with scars the rest of their lives. I have seen couples divorce even after their children are raised and there is bitterness and scars the children and even grandchildren carry. Then I have seen my parents stick it out even though they weren’t happy together for most of their married lives but now they are deeply in love with each other and none of us nor my children or grandchildren have scars. Family gatherings are whole, complete, and full of laughter and fun.

This is a picture of my parents with my sisters and our husbands. 65 years + 36 years + 32 years + 30 years = abundant blessings to our family, our children and grandchildren, plus many others. (By the way, together we represent 163 years of covenant marriage!)

I will never encourage a Christian woman to divorce her husband because of the long-term pain it causes to so many. I have witnessed myself, heard first hand, or read about too many women who have won back their husbands in extremely difficult situations to not believe that with God all things are possible and why should a believing spouse be the one to divorce?

There is too much in Scripture that points to Christians staying faithful until the end. Now, if an unbelieving spouse divorces the believing spouse and marries another, then there is no hope of reconciliation but until that time, there’s hope.

A woman in the chat room wrote about her parent’s divorce: “My parents got a divorce when I was six. It was an amicable one. They cooperated. They got along. They never put us in the middle. They were mature. They were friendly. They did the divorce thing ‘right’ according to the standards of the day (my father later said that was totally my mother’s doing because she was so forgiving!). And guess what? It still left gaping scars in their children’s lives and hearts. I was in my twenties before I had truly recovered from the sense of abandonment and brokenness. It did shape the way I view marriage and family life, though: I’m all in.”

This is why women need to fight for their marriages by following God’s clear instructions to them in 1 Peter 3:1-6 if they have a husband who is disobedient to the Word. They need to continue living in subjection to him – what? Live in subjection to a disobedient husband? Yes, this is God’s method of using you to win back your husband! (No, you don’t submit to any type of abuse or evil which is clearly against God’s Word.)

Then be quiet. Live a quiet, humble life in front of him. Don’t preach, scold, quarrel, or be angry with him for “love bears all things, endures all things, and hopes all things.” Don’t speak evil about him but give all of your hurts and concerns to the Lord; for He has the power to convict and change your husband. “For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers” (1 Peter 3:12).

Find support from godly women. There are groups on Facebook of women who are standing for their marriages and finding support from each other. You don’t need to do this alone. (These are a few groups but I can’t vouch for how theologically correct they are: Standers United, The BTG Standing for Marriage, Rejoice Marriage Ministries, and Mend Our marriage.)

Finally, live a godly life. Be in His Word daily and hide it deeply in your heart so you won’t sin against Him. Meditate upon it. Memorize it. Listen to godly preachers and learn from them. Become like Christ to your husband and you are able since Christ lives inside of you and works mightily through you.

 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.
1 Peter 3:15

23 thoughts on “The Divorce Fantasy World

  1. I’m very grateful that my child has only two sets of grandparents (my parents and my husband’s parents) and no step grandparents or grandma/ grandpa boyfriend/ girlfriend. Unfortunately not everyone is so lucky.

  2. Lori, do you have any advice for me on how/if to approach an older woman in my family who I greatly respect? Her husband made some very bad mistakes and is reticent on making amends. He has (after quite some time) apologized but not much more. She has moved on (literally and physically) and is enjoying a great life of being surrounded by family she loves and a high paying job. If she goes back to him, it is possible she will have to give that all up now.

  3. Great post and article. It reminded me of something that happened in my family. Years ago, my brother and sister–in-law sought a divorce after 5 years of marriage. They had two young sons. The judge refused to grant the divorce and told them to work on it and come back in one year. They were furious. But they followed through. Well, they are about to celebrate 31 years of marriage. Their sons are grown with families of their own now, and my brother and sister-in-law are very happy, enjoying their grandchildren and loving each other, taking big family vacations, etc. Nowadays, I don’t think a judge can do that; we have this awful thing called “no fault divorce” which really means “no questions or responsibility divorce”. Young couples encountering their first struggle, their first moment when the Hollywood dream isn’t happening, and they want to cut and run. Thank goodness for that judge all of those years ago; he saved a family.

    Thanks for this post and for sharing the beautiful picture of your family!

  4. Lori, the testimony of covenant marriages within your family is such a blessing to read about, especially you and Ken and your parents staying with each other during difficult times. I’m so grateful for God’s goodness and work in your lives. People miss so much when they cut and run, thinking divorce will be a quick fix. I read the article you linked; it’s heartbreaking, especially for the children.

  5. I have read that most couples who want to divorce, if they stuck it out would be much happier after five years of staying married rather than getting divorced. It’s too bad more judges don’t encourage sticking it out a while longer instead.

  6. Yes, it’s a blessings for all of us, Lady Virtue. It’s the children who are hurt the most in divorce and are helped the most when parents stay together for life.

  7. I have saw the past 17 years what divorce has done to my sisters and their families. It is very ugly and kids are not ok no matter what age they are. it is horrible.. I watched how it devastated my sisters and their children. I cried a lot myself seeing them all suffer. If a woman is considering divorce please pray and seek counsel from a godly woman.
    Thank you Lori for helping women and sharing the wisdom the Lord has given you !

  8. This is so true. Nothing good comes from divorce.

    My sister and I were 17 & 18 when our parents separated and it is still affecting us today. It is even impacting on the relationship my mum is able to have with her grandchildren.

    There is no problem so great in the marriage that can’t be overcome if both spouses work together to fight for their marriage. And it is so worthwhile.

  9. KAK,
    I agree with you that divorce is ugly. In my opinion, many people give up too soon. That’s not to say that divorce is never appropriate, but I would definitely counsel anyone seeking a divorce to take a long separation, seek God on the matter, and see what he does in their hearts. But marriage does depend on two people wanting to work on it. Sadly, that’s not always the case.
    I live with the damage of long-term abuse that was never seen as such (it was disguised as discipline), and the effects of a very poor marriage that should have had an intervention a lot sooner. Children suffer in bad marriages too.

  10. What a blessing it is to be united in Christian marriage with a God-fearing husband who guides our family and keeps us separated from The World. Marriage is a covenant that begins on the wedding day.

    Lori I would love to read your thoughts on modest attire as it relates to weddings. A young lady at our church wore her mothers dress – it was very beautiful : ) The rest of us wore nice church clothes – much different than what one sees at most weddings these days! The bridesmaids were fortunate too as there were two very pretty dresses at Goodwill that must have cost a fortune new (they were real silk!)

  11. My parents divorced when I was 4. I can say that divorce has a devastating effect on children. My mom remarried right after the divorce. I didn’t understand why we were living with a man other than my Dad. My step dad loves us very much and is a good man, but he’s not my Dad. I was scared and cried all of the time and I slept with a framed picture of my Dad under my pillow. I didn’t understand why I only got to see my Dad every other week. When he took me and my brother back home to our Mother, I would cry and run after his car begging him not to leave. Then my Mom and Step Dad moved us 4 hours away and my Dad couldn’t afford to come and get us very often. I never got to bond and have a relationship with my Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on my Dad’s side of the family. Both my brother and step brother are on their 3rd marriages. I made a vow that I was never going to get divorced. That I would never do that to my husband and our children. And my husband feels the same way. We are very committed to each other and will be celebrating our 29th anniversary in September. I love being married to the same man for 29 years. I love taking care of and submitting to him. Marriage is such a precious gift given to us by God, I cannot even imagine tearing it apart.

  12. Physical abuse? Then it’s not abuse.

    Couples should never separate unless it’s physical abuse. They should spend more time alone together. Separation has proven to lead to divorce. The small % of counselors who have gone in the opposite direction of separation and recommend more time together alone have a very very high rate of full reconciliation.

  13. Jeff,
    I agree. Without physical abuse, I do not see ANY justification for a wife to separate from her husband.

    1 Corinthians 7:10 is pretty clear to me: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.”

    The word that we translate as “separate” is the Greek word: “chorizo”
    From Strong’s Concordance:
    chórizó: to separate, divide
    Original Word: χωρίζω
    Part of Speech: Verb
    Transliteration: chórizó
    Phonetic Spelling: (kho-rid’-zo)
    Short Definition: I separate, depart
    Definition: (a) I separate, put apart, (b) mid. or pass: I separate myself, depart, withdraw.

    HELPS Word-studies
    5563 xōrízō (from 5561 /xṓra, “open, vacated space”) – properly, separate, divide (“put asunder”), i.e. depart, vacate; create “space” (which can be very undesirable or unjustified).
    Literally, a wife MUST not (separate, depart, withdraw, vacate, or create space) from her husband.

    It’s the same Greek word used in Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

    There are (13) occurrences of “chorizo” in the New Testament and not a single one of them is translated as “divorce”. There are other Greek words used in the Bible for divorce. To me, the use of the word “separate” here is plain and clear. It says that God commands that a wife must not separate from her husband.

    We either read the Bible and believe (and obey) what it plainly says or we don’t.

  14. Evidently you are a person who puts God’s word before man’s. Divorce has become like a plague, not only in the world but also amongst God’s people, leading many astray. Your article encourages me to finish a Bible based study on divorce in which I attempt to explain include passages misused to try and justify divorce. I need His wisdom n doing this.

    Thank you

  15. I have a good friend whose husband has been living with another woman for five years yet she keeps praying and hoping for his return since she knows her children need their father. Because she is a godly woman, she is able to treat him with kindness and love when she sees him. He doesn’t want to divorce her and supports her financially fully. With God ALL things are possible.

  16. Yes for sure. The other important thing esp. for those who profess to be Christians is that any divorce that is not based on adultry by the other spouse or abandonment by a non believing spouse and leads to remarriage is an evil situation of deception leading to chronic adultry of both new spouses. There is an increase in these type of marriages being justified by some church leaders. Their theology is based on the principle that the act of remarriage was adulterous as one act or affair would be. So if the couple bows on their knees to God together they are forgiven so they can stay married and sin no more. They do not recommend ending with another divorce.
    Clearly they contend that this would create even greater spiritual, social and emotional Issues. Yes quite complex and complicated because sin causes complications. There are some pastors who are also examples of such marriages even if their second or third marriage happened before becoming clergy! Some of these pastor try to show their new clergical righteousness by requiring a number of prenuptial counseling session
    but with poor discretion encouraging some couples they counsel to remarry. Surely they will be held accountable on judgment day!

  17. I am glad you are using the term seperate which is not the same as divorce as you know. Reconciliation is possible sometimes under seperation conditions. It is not a truly biblical reason for divorce per the words of Jesus and St. Paul. However modern churchianity does’nt see it thst way however. The seperated victim may remarry if the abusing spouse dies. Either way a traumatic experience because of the consequences of sin.

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