Forty Years of Marriage

Forty Years of Marriage

Forty years ago today, Ken and I were married in a little Baptist church in Newhall right next to Master’s College. Yes, I was nervous about marrying him. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and we both knew this. I had never had a close relationship with any man growing up. I wasn’t very close to my dad, uncles, or any other man in my life. I believe this makes it more difficult to know how to navigate through a marriage especially since most older women aren’t teaching the young women biblical womanhood. Plus, my mom and dad fought a lot while I was growing  up so I was never modeled a loving marriage.

If you’ve read my book, The Power of a Transformed Wife, you know my entire story. I can tell you that after forty years of marriage to the same man, no marriage is ever easy because life itself is hard. Some marriages are much easier than others (golden retriever type personalities which neither of us are!) but it still takes learning to truly love another human being. We are all selfish and tend to think of ourselves more than others. This is where the transforming work of the Holy Spirit comes in.

I am thankful I married a man who loves the Lord. This is a good foundation upon which to build a life-long marriage. You will have tribulation in this life since we are all promised this but to have a godly man by one’s side makes it easier. He’s also always been a very hard worker and has taken providing and protecting his family very seriously. In my opinion, these are the most two important qualities in a husband: loving the Lord and willing to work hard to provide.

He has also been a great father and grandpa. This was one area where we had little conflict in. Our goal was to raise children who walked in truth which meant a lot of loving, nurturing, training, teaching, and disciplining. We were both committed to all of these. Grandchildren are easier because the burden of all of this isn’t on our shoulders. We mostly just get to enjoy them and enjoy them we do.

We both came from intact families so I think this has made it easier to not be quitters when the going gets hard. The going has been hard multiple times in our marriage from multiple things that have happened.

Summer 2018

Ken has been through my thirty years of severe illness, brain tumor, neck fusion, and on and on. This picture was taken right after I brought him home from the hospital after recovering from Lyme’s disease two summers ago when his heart rate was down to 18 bpm at times. Those were scary days. He’s been through some scary times with me too. Life is fragile. Period. We’re all going to get sick at times, and we will all die. We live in a sin-infested world, but it’s great to have a faithful, lifetime spouse to go through with.

Having forty years of shared memories, raising children together, and now enjoying grandchildren is a gift from above. God created marriage and called it good. We are one flesh, and we have been for a long time now. It’s hard to even imagine that it’s been forty years, but I can hardly remember life without him.

Christmas Eve 2020

It’s worth fighting for your marriages, women. No man is perfect. You’re not perfect. Our lives on this earth aren’t meant to be perfect. We are called to quickly forgive and pour grace upon others, especially our spouse. Love him deeply and understand that he too is a gift from God. Many of you write me who are in troubled marriages, so this probably is hard for you to hear. BUT God…He will sustain you, give you wisdom, and the strength to endure. It’s so worth it to fight for your marriage God’s way (1 Peter 3:1-6) and give your children and grandchildren the legacy of a marriage until death do you part.

In closing, I am thankful for his support in my ministry. He reads most of what I write, comments when he has time, and even writes some posts for me. He has an active ministry mentoring men in troubled marriages now. We both love to see marriages get back on track and live out God’s plan for their marriage because we have tasted it and seen that it is good. God is good and His plan for us is good. What an amazing Father we have!

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

26 thoughts on “Forty Years of Marriage

  1. Happy Anniversary .
    It’s so unusual to see forty years these days.
    My husband and I were the youngest in our families and both used to getting our own way. We had a rocky time for a few years.
    We will celebrate our forty-fifth anniversary in May. I love him more than ever.
    God has truly blessed me with a hard working, loving, faithful husband. I thank God for him everday.

  2. “In my opinion, these are the most two important qualities in a husband: loving the Lord and willing to work hard to provide.”

    and

    “I can hardly imagine life without him.”

    So touching and loving and true. I am married for 4 and a half years and I dearly adore my husband. He is such a hard worker and I can truly say the reason it is important for the MAN to choose the WOMAN because he will take on FULL RESPONSIBILITY for sustaining the WOMAN.

    I love the Lord and I am a blessed wife of two son’s, which I had at home with the support of my husband. No, this is nothing to fuss about, but I tell women my age it is very noble to be a mother. It is a treasure and a joy!

    I am most grateful for the moments when my husband says, “thank you for all that you do.” because the world’s way is always WRONG lol God’s ways are just and may our feet only tread upon God’s path through wisdom guidance and prayers.

  3. Happy Anniversary! Love the pictures! And you’re ministry and commitment to God and each other! Thank you! I’ve Only been married 21 months, but I love it! God has blessed me with an amazing man! Yes there’s hard times too, but we always get through them.. I hope to spend a lot of years with my man..

  4. Happy Blessed 40 Years my VT2 and Ken! You both truly are a picture of the gospel and a foundation built on the Rock! God’s grace is evident and your obedience to His Word is a great encouragement to me! You continue to faithfully be in my prayers sweet Godly lady! Praying that God would raise up more of you in my personal life…I want you to be more than what I read in a book or a blog. Do women like you exist? Is the church dead, does it need to be shaken? Am I a lone ranger out here! Perhaps a book in the making for older women in the local church needs to come to fruition… Thank you for your Ministry! It helps women like me not lose heart and to continue to work hard as my role as help meet and mother to my 6 children! Love to you in Christ Jesus our Lord who is coming for us soon! Hallelujah! Jeremiah 32:38-41

  5. Congratulations Lori and Ken! You are truly an inspiration. We are on year 39 and you are so right when you say it is worth fighting for your marriage. Many blessings to you both and thank you for your courage.

  6. Happy Anniversary! Thank you for investing in so many women you will never meet this side of heaven. So glad I found your blog.

  7. A very happy anniversary!
    You have made my marriage (25 years this year!) so much better. Praying for your health and continued ability to proclaim truth in this world.

  8. Congratulations, Lori and Ken!

    Forty years in today’s dysfunctional environment is truly a milestone.

    Gods ways always work, and human nature never changes.

    Women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex, and it’s perfectly harmonized in heterosexual marriage.

    God created women’s intuition, beauty, and emotions to harmonize with a mans logic, physical strength, and ability to provide and protect.

  9. thanks for the great post. congratulations on your anniversary. dh and i are just passing 30 yr mark. so glad we held on. for ourselves and our now grown kids. the stability and having a partner to face the world with is priceless.

  10. Congratulations, Ken and Lori!

    Such long marriages were once the norm in this country. My own parents were married for 53 years until my father’s death from cancer. I aspired to the same high bar that they set, but unfortunately, my wife at the time had either ideas.

  11. Huge congrats! I remember my parents 40th wedding anniversary, at which they remarried while their twin grandaughters played quietly around a flower garlanded altar. A beautiful memory.
    They made 60 years together before Mum passed away in 2007, and got congratulatory cards from Queen Elizabeth, the Australian Prime Minister and the state Premier. (These things can be arranged in Commonwealth countries!)
    My very best wishes and sincere hopes for you and Ken to likewise make 60 years of joyful marriage together! And great work so far!

  12. Congratulations on 40 years of marriage! Your blog has been very encouraging and your book is on my wishlist. Especially now as I’m preparing to get married your blog posts have helped me keep the right perspective and keep my expectations of marriage where they should be. Your comment about being nervous when marrying your husband was encouraging and comforting, since I’m nervous too. I felt bad about feeling nervous, because everywhere I hear love stories – real or fictional – the couple seems to be so crazy for each other that the idea of being nervous never seems to enter their minds. It’s reassuring to know that what I’m feeling us normal and doesn’t mean I don’t love my future husband enough. Perham it’s also in part due to my parents’ divorce, in which Papa is remaining loyal, but Mom is convinced she married “the wrong person”. I would never consider taking this path, knowing first-hand how much hurt and suffering is caused by it. But it does cause a bit of insecurity deep down that perhaps I would end up tearing my marriage down some other way. But preparing for every emotional eventuality by reflecting on God’s plan and learning from your example will go a long way in protecting my future marriage. Thank you! God bless you, your family and your ministry and keep you with us as longbas He sees fit to teach those of us who are too isolated to have access to in-person mentoring by a godly older woman!

  13. Well done Mr. and Mrs. Alexander. Happy anniversary! I will say that this is very inspiring. I love seeing Christian couples stay married that long. It is so warming. You two look so cute together. May God bless you both.

  14. Happy Anniversary to you both, Lori! Beautiful pictures, gorgeous grandchildren. Thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom with us. I’ve learned so much, and even what I already know has been fortified by your wonderful posts that provide so much encouragement for me to live a godly, scriptural life as a wife and mother (and one day, hopefully, grandmother!). I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and a very happy and healthy New Year to you and yours! God Bless!

  15. Hi Lori! I’m almost 16 and reading this made me so happy! My boyfriend proposed to me three months ago and we are both hard working god fearing Christians, but my parents were understandingly apprehensive. His father is a pastor and his mother has done a lot of missionary work, so they were more understanding because they’ve seen a lot of young couples be fulfilled in marriage by God. My father refused to give my hand in marriage until I turned 18 (he just turned 19). Literally the next day, my father’s car broke down by our church and noticed a young bride and groom celebrating their wedding. He said the bride looked just like me and he believed it was a sign from God! Some people have been snarky towards us, but the only approval we need comes from God (and our parents). Seeing how much the Lord guides you and blesses your long marriage makes me even more confident in our decision! Wishing you a blessed year!

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