Household Inequality is Domestic Abuse?
“We need to stop framing equality as a nice bonus to a happy marriage. It is the bare minimum. Inequality is not inevitable. It’s not just the way men are, or a minor inconvenience. It’s time women listen to their own needs and value their own work. Household chore inequality exacts a real toll on our health and well-being. It is abuse. Like other forms of abuse, it exploits one person for the other’s gain. And like other forms of abuse, there is no excuse,” declares Zawn Villines in her article entitled, “Household Labor Inequality is Domestic Abuse.”
What is her solution? “A man who can happily watch his wife work herself into illness and depression does not care about his wife—or his children. Kick his a** to the curb. Every woman deserves better. Every child deserves to grow up in a house that acknowledges the full humanity and needs of both parents. This abuse can stop with our generation of mothers, but only if we demand better.”
This is what feminism has led to, women. It’s led to the deterioration of marriage. “Abuse” being the term used for many things that aren’t actual abuse. Women becoming angrier and initiating almost up to 80 percent of divorces and devastating their children’s lives. It was women who wanted out of being keepers at home, so they left their home in droves for careers. The thing is that most men didn’t want to be keepers at home. They weren’t created to be keepers at home. God created women to have this job and this is why there is such a struggle with housework. Even full-time working mothers have most of the housework fall upon their shoulders, because they were created to do this no matter how much they hate it.
Yes, some husbands help and share equally in the household chores but many do not. This is what my first viral post was about. Housework has destroyed way too many marriages and it’s due to women leaving their God-ordained roles. God created women to be their husbands’ help meets not the other way around but feminism has forced husbands to be their wives’ help meets even if the husbands don’t want to be. Women demand it.
Young women, marry a man who wants you to be home full time raising your children. Marry a man who wants to be the protector and provider of his family. Make sure he understands God’s perfect role for the husband and the wife before marrying him. There are too many women who write me who would love to be home but their husbands don’t want them to be, so they come home each night exhausted and housework becomes a big, divisive issue in their marriage. It was never intended to be this way. If you marry a man who wants to be the provider, work hard on being the best help meet to him that you can be and learn to enjoy being a keeper at home; for this is what God created you to be and do.
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.
Colossians 3:23
14 thoughts on “Household Inequality is Domestic Abuse?”
Nothing wrong with a husband helping out but to say if he doesn’t help its abuse is crazy. The wife is the manager of the home, keeper of the home. The home IS her domain, her job. Life is much simpler when roles are embraced.
Such an idea belittles true domestic abuse! A husband who works outside to provide and a wife who works equally as hard in the home are a well balanced family, not abuse!
It’s a real shame that something like housework is so divisive, but it’s true that it is.
But not only do women (think) they want a job outside the home, their husbands also require it. Our men are conditioned in this sense, as well.
And our churches! All the Pastor’s wives work, and the overwhelming majority of the women members also have jobs outside the home. Our churches are failing families! How in the world can we bring our churches back into unison with God’s Word?
Very troubling.
Excellent point. “Abuse” gets used so frequently these days, it practically means nothing.
You make a good observation here, Dana. Sadly, many men have become feminized into looking upon their wives as cash cows and demanding that they go out and earn an income rather than being keepers at home. It’s even sadder that it’s no different in the church. I know a man who quit his job to go to a theological seminary, with the hope of becoming a pastor, whilst leaving his wife to support the family financially, look after the children and run the home in his absence. Both husband and wife claimed that God was calling him to do this. Does God call a man to ministry in contravention to God’s Word?
Parents also exacerbate this trend by not preparing their sons to be the sole providers in their marriage or daughters to be keepers at home; for example when my husband first told his family that he had met a girl that he wanted to marry, their questions to him were; which schools did she attend? is she a university graduate? Is she pursuing post graduate education? Does she have a well paying job? Is her family well to do and does she have the right family connections? No one asked him if I was a Christian, if I was living in submission to my parents, if I was a virgin, if I wanted children, if I could cook and keep house, if I was hospitable and teachable. This just goes to show where people’s priorities lie and what they expect a wife to bring to the marriage today. Let’s teach our sons and daughters to do differently; to seek in their future spouses that which is pleasing to God rather than to men.
Equality is a lie. It was at one time the rallying cry of the feminist, but 3rd and 4th wave feminism isn’t about equality, it’s about matriarchy and misandry. Women today hate being women, they cherish their so called rights over every other aspect of their existence. That is why the number one concern for mothers, is their right to kill their baby. This has never been about equality.
Hi there Lori, I think it is only fair to ask ones hubby to do some of the house work if both husband and wife work equal hours!
I never had to ask Antony for help he was always wiling to leaned a hand on weekends he often read to the children and played Lego with them every night – after he rested for about a half hour! He is an amazing Daddy and the children often tell me I picked well. I never asked him to do the dishes or make beds that was all done and ready when he walked through the door; after all it was him working very hard that made it possible for me to be a stay at home mama!
I pray all is well with you and yours love Jilly.
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I was attending a group at my church where the women were reading through Marks gospel. The pastors wife works and her and another women started talking about how women are not called to be keepers at home and that the proverbs 31 women was out in the market place working and selling goods for her family. I didn’t say anything. I was confused because of what I’ve read on this blog and i am reading my way through the Old Testament. I would love to be a housewife but I can’t at this time.
Feminists are so whiny and emotional that everything they don’t like is abuse. Feminism has brainwashed men to believe that housework isn’t enough contribution and women who want to be a keeper of the home are lazy and using it as an excuse to not work. Any woman is lucky to meet a man who still value traditional roles. If he wants to help out that is a bonus but a woman should never complain that he doesn’t do enough when he is the provider. All of my friends who call themselves feminists or behave as a modern woman are actually just acting like men and they are the ones who make the most fun of my femininity and dismiss traditional feminine pursuits as stupid and beneath them, how on earth is that equality or appreciating women?
I agree that housework inequality is not grounds for a divorce. I am working to teach my children to be “good household citizens” and pick up after themselves, don’t leave messes for someone else to clean up, don’t be wasteful of family resources,and show gratitude for hard work done by their spouse. Both men and women need to respect each other’s efforts to make a happy, cozy, safe home.
And THIS is why we have the angry men’s rights movement, which incidentally fuels feminism.
I love this article and the perspective of the writer. It is refreshing to find people who truly value biblical principles and emphasize the worth of stay at home moms. While I didn’t tell my wife she had be a SAHM, I strongly encouraged it. That was over 20 years ago.
In terms of house work, she understands that the house is her domain. I am not responsible for cleaning it. However, as one who strives to love her as Christ loves the church, I find myself helping out quite often. I also ask her not to do housework on the weekends. My opinion is that she should have the weekend free since I have the weekend free. I also tend to do the cooking on the weekends, not because I have to but to ensure she knows her efforts at home are really appreciated.
I read another of your posts about women tidying up after their husbands rather than making a fuss. I totally understand that it is better just to put dishes away, for example, rather than yell and scream at him for not doing so. However, isn’t it simply good manners to put one’s own dishes away once they’ve been used? Or to put dirty clothes in the hamper? As said, wives do not need to make a fuss and should instead just put the dishes away themselves, BUT at the same time I do not think it is good manners nor respectful for husbands to leave dirty dishes, clothes, or general trash lying around when it only takes a few seconds to walk to the trash can/hamper/dishwasher. Good manners should be performed by everybody taught, as simple courtesy. Does this make sense?
I’m unsure whether your belief, Lori, is that women should ALWAYS clean up after their husbands, and that husbands have the right to leave a mess.
I NEVER teach women how their husbands should behave, Amy. That isn’t what God commands that I teach them in Titus 2:3-5. Telling women what a husband “should” do simply sets women up to be more unhappy with their husbands. We were created to be their help meets NOT the other way around. We can clean up after them at home and be so thankful that we have a husband to clean up after!