How Wise Women Build Up Their Homes

How Wise Women Build Up Their Homes

It’s interesting to note that God doesn’t tell us that men can build up or tear down their homes. No, it’s women who have this type of power and unfortunately, many are tearing their homes down with their own hands thinking the grass is greener somewhere else but finding that it was all a lie. It’s vitally important that we build our homes up, women, not just for our sake but for our children’s and grandchildren’s sake. You want to pass blessings down to the next generation, not curses.

I asked the women in the chat room for ideas on how to build our homes up and here are some that they came up with:

“Number one for building a stable home is building up our husbands. The marriage needs to be strong to support the family.”

Divorce is the number one cause of tearing homes down. It burns the home down to the ground and leaves everyone scarred for life. The best gift a mother can give her children is loving their daddy deeply and until death does she part. This will have the greatest long-term impact for good upon her children besides being a testimony to a watching world of the beauty of marriage as it exemplifies Christ and His Church.

“Keeping the Lord as number one priority, submitting to our husbands out of reverence for the Lord, adhering to Proverbs 31 as much as possible in the attitudes of homemaking, marriage, and parenting.”

The Lord should absolutely be the One whom we serve and obey. He commands that we love and serve our husbands, so by doing this, we are certainly building our homes up.

“Building up our husbands, disciplining our kids, educating our kids in God’s ways, and the basics of cleaning, organizing, cooking, loving, and laughing.”

This perfectly describes our job description and it is gloriously ordained by God. When women with soft and teachable hearts understand that they belong at home, they are so happy because they know it’s exactly where they are supposed to be. Also, laughter always add joy to a home and we should be known for our warmth and hospitality.

 “I’ve done a lot of praying!…Prayer is foundational. Loving in word and deed. Grace and forgiveness freely given.”

We must daily pray for our husband and children and that the Lord would give us wisdom and grace needed for each day. I still and will always pray daily for my family. I ask the Lord to help them grow in the wisdom and the knowledge of the Lord and that they will hate what is evil and cleave to what is good. Then I pray that they are all hiding His Word deeply in their hearts. We have a God who hears our prayers and we are blessed!

“It reminds me of being encouraging and positive! Sets the tone for the household…Edification! Every one needs edification.”

Our words build up or destroy, give life or death. Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof (Proverbs 18:21). If you have a problem with your tongue, begin memorizing verses about the tongue and using it for good; for this is what transforms us! Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers (Ephesians 4:29). And never, ever speak evil about your husband to others.

“A joyful spirit and trusting in the Lord always. I have to say though I struggle in this area more than I care to admit.”

The only way we can have a joyful spirit and trust the Lord is to sit daily at His feet and learn from Him. He commands that we be choose to be joyful. Yes, it’s a choice and so is trusting the Lord. Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing (Psalm 110:2). Sing praises often in your home. I sing to my grandchildren. He created and is in control of everything so we can trust Him. King Jesus reigns!

“Allowing my husband to take his place as leader of the home. Prayers. Obedience. Submit myself to the Lord and to my husband.”

Our husbands are head over us and we must not try to take the lead away from them through manipulation, whining, complaining, arguing, or correcting. Let them lead! Instead of trying to tell them how to lead, tell the Lord instead. Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7).

“Taking care of the home and children. Help my husband wherever I can to make things easier for him.”

We must be willing to help our husbands wherever they have a need. We falsely believe that they were created to be our help meet but they weren’t. Yes, they were created to protect and provide for us, which are heavy burdens they must bear, but we were the ones specifically created to help them.

“Cultivating our own special relationship with the Lord, would be number one to me. Then making sure we respect, submit, and love our husbands. Then to teach our children God’s ways and wisdom and displaying this in our own lives for our children to follow. After that, I would say keeping our homes as a safe, peaceful sanctuary from the world.”

Keeper at home means “stayers at home” (Are you a stayer at home?) and “guardians of the house.” We are to stand guard and protect the home from evil influences. This is our job and this is why we must be home full time. Everything runs more smoothly when a mother is at home and it gives children great security knowing their mother is available to them whenever they need her. Even neighborhoods are safer when mothers are at home.

“Building up with words of life. Encouraging words, speaking the word, and speaking the truth. I’ve seen major amazing behavior changes in my children since I started watching my words and shutting my mouth from uttering anything negative…Truth preserver: My ten year old daughter and I were in the local grocery store and came upon a t-shirt that said mom = boss . She said, ‘Look, mom.’ I said, ‘Nope, dads are the boss!'”

Continually speak the truth in love to your children. They will hear lies out in the world constantly so they must be rich in truth and have God’s Word hidden deeply in their hearts. (My grandchildren love the Berenstain Bears so I read it to them frequently but whenever Mama Bear bosses Papa Bear around or scolds him, I tell them that this is wrong and they say, “Yes, that’s wrong!”)

“Being in the Word, prayer, joyfully serving our families, and doing chores even. But something I realized was that we need to be PRESENT.”

Yes, be present, not distracted by the computer, TV, or iPhone. Your children grow up so quickly and they need to know that they are more important than some inanimate object. They will grow up and be gone and then you’ll be left with your iPhone. Use your time wisely because it is fleeting.

“Not being easily offended.”

Along with not being angry, bitter, having false expectations, being prideful, and easily offended. All of these will quickly tear down your home. Our husbands can correct us and we should take it patiently without getting offended. When we get offended easily, we are saying that we are right and they are wrong. It’s a pride issue that we must let go of and take criticisms easily since we aren’t perfect and we want to be like Jesus. Our husbands see our faults! Accept their corrections so you can better build your home up.

Building up your home is far more important than any job or money will ever be. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? (Mark 8:36)

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

*The picture is from my newly painted kitchen!

33 thoughts on “How Wise Women Build Up Their Homes

  1. We all can learn a lot or a bit from this post. Never stop thinking, “I don’t have to do that anymore . My marriage is good enough.”

    1. You’re so right, Christine. We need to continually be thinking of more ways to build up our homes since it’s easy to get lazy or forget it takes work.

  2. Lori,

    This is one of your most beautiful, thought-stirring, instructional posts ever. I’m filling a journal with advice for my daughter who will give birth soon (due the 22nd). I’ll be referring to these wonderful principles.

    Tell us all about the framed piece in your kitchen window (which is just gorgeous, by the way). Young women who come to our home want to know the stories about the items in our home. These stories are impacting and influence younger women to adorn their own homes with meaning and intentionality.


    1. Thank you, Kelley! Congratulations on your coming grandbaby! They are simply wonderful!

      There’s not a big story behind the picture. I had always heard how great Hobby Lobby is but it’s a bit of a drive from my home. I was out that way one day so I decided to stop by for the first time and found the picture over my sink. I love it because every time I see it, I want to sing the song that goes with it! I love to have Scripture and words about Jesus in my home. I want everyone who comes into my home to be able to easily see that He is who we worship!

  3. I just had a question about your kitchen. What paint color and brand did you use? I like the color.

  4. Thank you for your thorough explanation of what Proverbs 14:1 days. I have definitely noticed that my joyful was or lack thereof affects my husband.

    Thank you for teaching on this topic that is all but taboo in churches in the USA.

  5. Thankyou so much for sharing this. I write all the way from Papua New Guinea. This has Truly blessed me as God has restored my marriage and both my spouse and I are working together though we still deal with some issues, we both believe our testimonies are what our children will remember us by. Because of our Obedience to God in reverence of God, wives submit to God’s word thus to submit to our spouse and Love them no matter. God is God and from what is Broken can restore because only He can do what He Only can do.

  6. How do you build up your home when your family necessity is for you to work? These things are excellent, but would love to hear how best to build up your home when also working!

    1. I’ m curious as well. After 17yrs went back to work. Though I still have 2 high schoolers at homes still…Struggling on the home front and the pull to be home:

  7. Amen.I so needed to hear this.Thank you so much and May God bless you.I think you together with God saved me from not only self destruction but a destruction of my family and marridge included.Just because I battle to keep quiet.

  8. I love seeing that this way of living isn’t “out of date!” I’m a newlywed wife, and I wasn’t raised in this way of life- both my parents worked and it was a constant power struggle in the house. now that i’m learning this new way of living, I’m so glad that I don’t feel alone in this! I want THIS in my house, and so I plan on making this happen, no matter how much I have to submit, it will happen! thank you so much for this encouragement!

  9. This was a great post.
    I love seeing ways other women build up their home.

  10. This was such a good post! I’m writing in my journal to stay encouraged throughout the day. These words will surely edify. 😁

  11. Thank you so much for that beautiful post I have learn so much.lot of great nuggets for us wife and home moms.God bless you thanks for sharing 😁🙏

  12. So wondrous- God led me to this article today after fighting with my husband. I have many problems with my tongue, so I will take this advice to heart – all of it. Thank you for posting it. I’m saving it in Pinterest. I know I’ll be returning often.

  13. Beautiful article. However, I too am interested in how I can build up my home while working full time. Due to medical issues, my husband isn’t able to work. I must maintain a full time job and find that I struggle to complete all my duties in the home. My house is rarely clean and I don’t cook dinner every night, to name examples. Sometimes I just have nothing else left in me at the end of the day. Do you have any suggestions? I would love to hear advice from anybody!

    1. Here are some comments I received from women in the chat room:

      If you have older children start doling out chores like having them do their own laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, vacuum/sweep, wiping down surfaces, picking up thrpugh the house ect. Then do a deeper clean on your days off.

      Hi, I’m still working full time as well (paying off student loans before I come home full time)…. Here are the things that have helped me:
      1. Crock pot or one skillet meals. I’m still not the greatest in the kitchen but as long as my husband has a meal, he’s usually ok.
      2. Do at least one load of laundry a day… even if you can’t fold it, at least they will be clean.
      3. One night a week, I lay everyone’s clothes out for the week ( it saves so much time in the morning).
      4. Wake up early and try to knock some things out before you go to work. It’s a sacrifice, but worth it.
      5. Pick one day to do a chore (Monday is dusting, Tuesday is cleaning bathrooms, etc).
      6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you have it. Most family/friends don’t mind coming over for a few hours to help watch the baby or children while you get things done.
      Hopefully this helped 💕

      I’m in the same boat! I find it helpful to focus on three areas a day. One day, I clean my bathroom and bedroom, and catch up on emails, correspondence, and bills. The next day, I might clean out my car and check the fluids, do yardwork/gardening, and plan some little activity/surprise for the kids. The day after that, I might make sure my kid’s rooms are clean and keep laundry going all day. The next day I might focus on cleaning my living room and kitchen, and go grocery shopping/do meal planning that day. That cycle seems to work well for me.

      Simplify your home in order to make it easier to maintain. Start with your personal things and then move on to your children and then family things.
      If you have children (especially those over age 5) get them involved in keeping things tidy.
      Use your crockpot or even the delayed cook setting on your oven. Try batch cooking your meats and side dishes on non-work days. Then heat up and add fresh steamed vegetables and fruit.
      Use grocery pick up or delivery to save time shopping.
      Reduce laundry by washing under clothing, towels, and sheets on a set day of the week. Wear your outer clothing more than once before washing especially if you have an indoor job and do not perspire much.

      I work too and it is tough I know. Its so hard trying to work AND do everything at home. Doing a full day’s work, commuting and then starting again at home is very hard graft. Can your husband pitch in with some stuff if possible and obviously your children. Use your slow cooker (crock pot) as much as possible and a silly little thing I know but when I get home I don’t allow myself to sit down until the next day’s lunches are packed and in the fridge and the evening meal is on the way. Otherwise the tiredness descends and its hard to re motivate yourself!!. When I am in the kitchen I ALWAYS listen to a sermon etc to encourage me and multi task learning and cooking 😁. I use the Flylady routines morning and evening which help me.

    1. Yes, then pray that God will convict and change his mind as you become the godly woman that God has asked you to become with His Spirit working mightily within you.

  14. This has really spoken to my heart. I’m a mom of 4, ages 21, 18,16,and 13. I work full time but have off in the summer. I waste a lot of time feeling overwhelmed with life so I escape into books, Pinterest, my phone, ECT…..I find myself behind in so many things and feel hopeless to ever catch up. I never dreamed I’d be at this place. My oldest son has rejected Christianity and has been seeking to understand other religions and ways of thinking. After reading your thoughts I am convicted that I spent to much time trying to do things my way while he was growing up. I was more focused on pleasing people and I did not always let my husband lead. My son did not see me putting God first in the way that’s most important (quiet time, prayer ect…..) He saw me go to church and try to be a good person. My faith is meaningless to him. Though it’s heartbreaking I have hope that this can be turned around! Thank you for these hard but very true words if wisdom. The women you describe us the women I long to be.

    1. Kimber, your humility is so encouraging here because I think so many women struggle with the same things, but hide what’s really going on. If you press in and surrender to God he can still use all things for the good. Your prayers are the most effective means you have for God reaching your sons heart.

      This was an encouragement to me, because although I am a Christian, I definitely get caught up in appearances and wanting to be successful in the worlds eyes. I can’t imagine how much energy and time I have poured into that that could be poured into my children at home. My son is 16 and we are really being tested in our parenting and faith. Please pray for me, and I will for you and your family as well.

  15. Wow! I’m so glad I came across this post. I need a lot of help in this area of life. It’s some issues I really need to talk to someone about that I feel that holding me back from being the wife that I need to be. Please keep me in your prayers

  16. Thank you ever so much for this post. God brought me to see this today after not being able to hold my tongue with my husband last night which brought on arguing. After 26 years marriage & 2 sons later, age 19 & age 14, I’ve heard how the wife can bring strife or harmony to her home. I just now seen what this verse really meant. I stopped & prayed for God to help me every day to control my tongue in my home & strengthen my relationship with God, my husband & our children. I will continue to ask for peace & harmony in our home & for God to continue his works on my husband & 2 sons with their Salvation. Thank you ever so much for these words of wisdom.

  17. Beautiful post. So true. When my husband and I do come to a conflict, I know in the back of my head exactly what to do! Yet, more often than not, I do not exercise the discipline to do what I know is right. I will have the discipline in Jesus name. We can do All Things Through Him

  18. I love this post, but what about the many women who are not married for what ever any circumstances of their life events? I’m blessed with 3 wonderful kids, I taught them and continue to teach them to love God, they are obedient and respectful children. They are helpful around the house and do their chores without me asking. We pray together 2-3 times daily and cook together as a family. My ex-husband had left and filed for divorce 4 years ago. I did my best to keep my home intact but eventually had no control over the divorce process. I was sad/heartbroken but not angry and have long found peace in Christ. I take very good care of myself, my children, family, house and any property that the Lord has provided me with for I am grateful for all he gives me by his hands. I short I am not married, I do have a sweet, kind, helpful , caring and loving partners( we live separately) but your article started with “Building your husband”, what are Those Christian parents in situations like mine to do when we’re either single, divorced, widowed early in life?

  19. I am eternally grateful I found your site👐Jesus is our ultimate example how we should be constantly serving everyone God is placing on our path.We owe that to Him.
    We always read about this in the Word,but it is always uplifting to come across such a wonderfully, powerful and most of all,how by following God’s commandments, everything Will fall into place.
    The household,especially, should be where it starts.Our husbands and children are so dear to us.So…what blessing it is to leave them a lasting Christ-centred legacy!Thank you so much for your contribution👐

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