Upset That Their Husbands Act Like Men
Many women are continually upset at their husbands because their husbands act like men instead of women. Once women understand that men are different than them, they will be more content with their husbands but they sure aren’t being taught this important truth these days.
An article titled Women Aren’t Nags – We’re Just Fed Up explains clearly the faulty thinking of women today. First, the author wanted her husband to take care of all of the details of hiring the best housekeeper possible and was frustrated that he didn’t do this. “What I wanted was for him to ask friends on Facebook for a recommendation, call four or five more services, do the emotional labor I would have done if the job had fallen to me.”
She asked this from her husband for a Mother’s Day gift but was disappointed that he wasn’t the one finding a housekeeper. I would have encouraged her to simply find one herself and stop being upset with her husband. This gives Satan a foothold in the marriage. Love shows grace and mercy freely.
“The gendered assumption is that ‘men are the problem solvers because women are too emotional,'” she explains. “But who is really solving the bulk of the world’s problems at home and in the office?”
Women were created to solve all of the details of life at home but last I heard it’s men who are the ones who have invented and built almost every single thing there is from jets, to freeways, to cell phones, etc. They’re created to solve the BIG problems while women were created to run the households.
Then there was a box in the way yet she refused to tell him that it needed to be moved so she responded to him:“That’s the point,” I said, now in tears, “I don’t want to have to ask.”
Men can’t read our minds. If we need something to be done, we need to ask them kindly. Women wanting men to read their minds has led to so much destruction within marriages. Men aren’t mind readers. They aren’t women. They don’t think like women. Homes will always be a woman’s domain no matter how much women don’t want it this way.
“‘In general, we gender emotions in our society by continuing to reinforce the false idea that women are always, naturally and biologically able to feel, express, and manage our emotions better than men,’ says Dr. Lisa Huebner, a sociologist of gender, who both publishes and teaches on the subject of emotional labor at West Chester University of Pennsylvania…’but I would argue that we still have no firm evidence that this ability is biologically determined by sex.'”
What? I didn’t even know that there was a possibility that there was a theory that found “women are always, naturally and biologically able to feel, express, and manage their emotions better than men.” Yes, most women feel and express their emotions better than men but they certainly don’t manage their emotions better than men. Women usually struggle with allowing their emotions and feelings to rule them instead of truth. Our emotional nature (the tender, nurturing side) is perfectly fitted for being home full time with our children.
“He restated that all I ever needed to do was ask him for help, but therein lies the problem. I don’t want to micromanage housework. I want a partner with equal initiative.”
Her job from our Creator is to micromanage housework. She married a man and most men aren’t housework-oriented like women. It’s in our DNA. It’s not in men’s since they were created to be providers and protectors and women were the ones created to be nurturers and keepers at home.
“However, it’s not as easy as telling him that. My husband, despite his good nature and admirable intentions, still responds to criticism in a very patriarchal way.”
The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping (Proverbs 19:13) From reading this article, we can see that she is extremely critical and unhappy with her husband. Placing unfair expectations upon our husbands is the quickest route to an unhappy marriage. Men are not created to be bossed around or criticized by their wives and they instinctively know it. They will either fight back or take flight.
“Bearing the brunt of all this emotional labor in a household is frustrating. It’s the word I hear most commonly when talking to friends about the subject of all the behind-the-scenes work they do. It’s frustrating to be saddled with all of these responsibilities, no one to acknowledge the work you are doing, and no way to change it without a major confrontation.”
It’s frustrating for these women because they are fighting against God’s ordained role for them. They are trying to force their role upon their husbands and a lot of husbands aren’t taking too kindly to it. Women’s work is to be “saddled with all of these responsibilities” (keepers at home), find their praise in knowing they are doing exactly what God has called them to do even if they receive no praise from others, and not try to change their husbands with confrontation since this never builds up a marriage. No, it tears it down.
“My husband does a lot. He does dishes every night habitually. He often makes dinner. He will handle bedtime for the kids when I am working. If I ask him to take on extra chores, he will, without complaint. It feels greedy, at times, to want more from him. Yet I find myself worrying about how the mental load born almost exclusively by women translates into a deep gender inequality that is hard to shake on the personal level.”
Instead of appreciating all of the good things about her husband and what he does to lighten her load, she worries about things that can’t be fixed. Men and women are DIFFERENT. They always will be because God created them this way, yet feminists continue to fight against it until they have destroyed everything good in their lives. Feminism is fighting against the ways of God. They are fighting God. Period.
“For parents, this means making sure that one spouse does not do more of that type of labor than the other. Speaking in terms of how emotional labor is currently divided, girls will hopefully learn not to expect to have to do that labor and boys will hopefully learn not to expect females to do that labor for them.”
Do you see how confusing life and marriage becomes when we leave the clearly defined roles the Lord has given to us? It’s not worth it, women. Don’t nag your husbands to help with the housework. Do it cheerfully, as unto the Lord. Just because women have left their homes in pursuit of careers doesn’t automatically mean that men want to take over the work at homes that women have left. All it has done is cause destruction in its path.
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
10 thoughts on “Upset That Their Husbands Act Like Men”
I honestly used to feel sorry for men in those types of marriages, with nagging, shrewish wives. But I have met too many nice, single women who have Ionged to get married but were overlooked because they were the “wrong” race. Men who marry these self-centered women weren’t taught what to look for in a wife but allowed their untrained emotions to pick life companions for themselves. I suppose that does warrant sympathy, the lack of training our sons to find good wives, it becomes horrible for them if they end up with a horrible wife like this woman.
Excellent teaching, Lori!! Thanks for refuting the lies of the enemy of our souls… very impactful! Oh, and I love the verse in Jeremiah. We truly do find rest for our souls in the old paths!?
“Shew thyself a man” was David’s counsel to Solomon in 1 Kings 2:2. Men are to be men.
But the business of men is none of the business of women. It is not for her to define or to call attention to.
I got so tired of womens emotionalism, gossiping, showoffedness and genéral catiness in the church that i stopped going to womens gatherings all together and limited which women i spoke to. The way they treat their husbands is terrible and their husbamds just stand there taking it. Men are not mind readers, men shouldnt have to worry about the housework. A woman dare not come to me complaining about these things. As i would put her in her place. I dont have time for women who play mind games.
I believe the main fault lies with the older women not training the younger women no matter what race they are, M. God specifically commands older women to teach the younger women for a reason, then even those who are married to disobedient husbands have a game plan from the Lord in how to win them (1 Peter 3:1-6).
I love that verse, too, Holly. I love the ancient paths that the Lord set out from us from the beginning. They are perfect!
You’re right, Dave. If women would only focus upon what God has called them to do, marriages would be much stronger!
It’s definitely a bad habit that women tend to get in and this is why God commands the younger widows to get married, bear children, and guide the home instead of being known for this: “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” (1 Timothy 5:13)
Oh, that poor husband! Yikes! I haven’t been a great wife over the years, but I’ve certainly never treated my husband like this!!! Doesn’t sound like she’ll ever be happy.
I will add a couple of other thoughts that I have not seen discussed.
Thought 1. I have witnessed with several families in my Christian circles, and in my extended family where the husband/father was hyper micromanaging of every aspect of the family. Each person, even the wife, had to submit schedules, budgets, and goals and objectives each year. The wife and children were not allowed to make any decision on how the house was run or what the kids were to do without express approval, not just consent but complete approval and total control by the husband. He would dictated when, where, and how things were to be completed and what was to be used. The father/husband would become the coach and teacher to the point he would undermine the authority of the coach or teacher. This control over the family continued even beyond when the kids got married. With one father he even demanded the son in laws to submit budgets and goals for the family for the father to correct or push his agenda above what the young man’s callings. Note this is what people see as submission and husband/father headship. Thus, many Christians do not want any part of it because they see the abuse and errors. Therefor many Christians have gone to the complete opposite way.
I thus would ask this woman what was her father like? Did he make the decision of each person who was hired by the family? Did he make every decision for the family? I then would remind her that she married this man not her father.
Thought 2. Another aspect I have also witnessed in some families is the fear of making a wrong decision. One person who is to make the decision husband or wife, is to afraid to make the wrong choice, they will pass the buck or not make the decision. This fear can come from:
Not being trained in how to make decisions;
Past experiances of making bad decision after bad decision;
Or being criticized by the parents or others they look up to, about any decision made growing up.
Thus the person has not been instructed on how to make good choices, gently corrected where they went wrong, nor encouraged when they did make a good choice.
There several ways to look at this of how and why this woman and others like her got to this point and how they have not learned how to do the right thing. From the over controlling father to the inability to make decisions, we see that at the root is false teaching. And with the normal propensity of man we go to the opposite extreme and do just as wrong. We never stop and really study God’s word, listen to the principle and analyze how to apply the principle.