How Young Should Women Marry?

How Young Should Women Marry?

Last week, I shared a post about a young man who wanted to find a godly wife. (He’s responded to a few comments so some of you may want to check if he responded to you! His name is Johnathan.) Many people responded to him and some even emailed me about him. Here is a comment he made on that post:

“The ‘plain Jane’ is exactly what I’m looking for. I don’t want the ‘professional model’ at all. God gave me a servant heart, so I enjoy helping behind the scenes. A young woman who simply serves where she can and where she is needed (community, nursery, food pantry, etc.). She doesn’t call attention to herself, yet her simple, godly conduct speaks volumes.

“I’ve actually met someone kind of like that. I first met her while helping after a church event. She was washing dishes. I’ve repeatedly seen her try to be helpful and even ask me if she could help when I was serving. I’ve also noticed times when she was serving and all the other ladies were just sitting talking among themselves. The only issue is that she just turned 17 and I’m 24. I’m pretty sure that’s a bit too much of an age difference, now. But, I’d love to get your view of that.”

This began a great conversation in the chat room. I asked the women what they thought about this. My initial reaction is that she sounds like a good one! A young woman who loves to serve others is rare indeed. I thought he could begin to get to know her better and then if she’s the one, marry her when she’s 18 years old. If she has a mother and father, it would be good for him to meet them and receive her father’s approval. The quality of loving to serve others is far superior than the quality of wanting to spend a lot of money on higher education and gaining a career; that’s for sure.

After this discussion, I went to church and a young woman who has been reading my blog came up to me and introduced herself. She married at 16 years old with her parent’s full approval. She’s 18 years old now and loves being married!

How old should women wait to get married? Our culture encourages women to go to college/university, gain a lot of debt, and then find a job/career so they can pay the debt off and “find themselves.” (Instead of finding themselves, they need to be finding who they are in Christ; for this has rewards on this earth and for eternity!)

In the chat room, Lindsay Harold wrote this: “By the way, a few decades ago or more, nobody would have thought twice about these ages. In fact, a young woman was actively encouraged to marry around 17 or 18 and to marry a man several years older so that he could provide for her. A young man of her own age would not be prepared yet to provide for a family. Plus, a slightly older man would inspire respect for his leadership more naturally. Most women expected to marry right out of high school to a man in his mid-twenties. That was completely normal. I think we have gotten too peer-oriented and expected men and women to marry within their very narrow peer group. Yet if they wait until the man is established enough to provide for a family before they settle down, they have dated for years and not been chaste in the process.”

Johnathan, I hope and pray you find a godly wife along with all of the rest of you who would love to find godly spouses. It’s a magnificent blessing to marry someone in the Lord, who loves the Lord and His ways. I can’t think of any greater blessing in my life, besides the fruit (children and grandchildren) that come from this! Plus, this world needs godly couples bearing and raising godly children. This world is in desperate need for more salt and light.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Proverbs 5:18

66 thoughts on “How Young Should Women Marry?

  1. I think women should marry young, but when mature enough to be a suitable wife and mother and not still be in the selfish mindset of a teenager. Sadly many teens still desire to sleep around and hang out rather than be a dutiful wife. Our grandparents married young and grew up faster, but I hate to say today’s youth for the most part aren’t as mature at 16, 17 etc… than their great-grandparents at that age. I think out of high school was the past standard for being ready to marry.

  2. Wow Lindsay’s comment was spot on. The husband needs to provide and guys that young most likely not there yet. A woman shouldn’t wait and potential waste years of fertility. Nothing wrong with marrying young to a guy who is established plus it’ll make it easier honoring his leadership/headship/authority. I would have no problem giving my future daughter off at a young age to a godly man that will provide protect and lead her well.

  3. Great perspective! Also kudos to the parents who raised this -7 year old you g lady to have a servants heart and who is apparently mature and unselfish. I also agree the guy should be established and have a career before he marries and most men today aren’t ready until at least mid 20s.

    Another thing ladies I thought of today which NO ONE TELLS us. When women wait and wait to have children they are then much older and then will probably not be able to enjoy their grandchildren by the time they have some. I do regret not having children sooner but there is nothing I can do to change the past, only the future. I hope I am healthy and energetic to play and do things with my grandkids one day. Definitely better to marry young, have children, and then enjoy your grandchildren!!

  4. If I’m reading Jonathan’s comment correctly, it sounds like he has taken notice of the young lady, but it is also important to ask if she has taken notice of him?

    “A good idea” to meet the parents?

    An absolute necessity! If a 24-year old man approached my 17-year old daughter with the idea of courting with marriage in mind without speaking to us first, and allowing us to have the opportunity to find out if she had any interest at all in getting to know him, I’d find that offensive.

    If she desired to spend time together with him, then we would need to spend time with him first, before giving our permission to date.

    This has nothing to do with college, debt, funding oneself, etc., but basic respect for a young lady’s ability to discern interest in a young man, and permission from her parents to date their dependent.

  5. Here is something else to consider.

    A 17 year old woman has more options than a 27 year old. A 27 year old woman is not a good match for a 24 year old man but it is for a 17.

    Two reasons
    – A woman is more likely to understand her husband as the head of the household because he is older. Naturally, a 27 year old woman will have a hard time respecting men who are 24 years old.

    – A 17 year old girl is almost unlikely to have been in the workforce. Naturally, women want to marry men who make more money than them. A 17 year old girl is likely to attracted to a man who has not been blessed with great opportunities and can only find employment that he makes $27,000. A 27 year old woman who has more advantages than men probably makes at least $30,000 to $35,000 just won’t be attracted to him.

    It is in a parents and girls advantage of they get married as soon as they can.

    If the good men don’t find your daughter first, the bad men will. Seducers are skilled in manipulating innocent women.

  6. You know, our son and daughter-in-law met at our church when they were like 13 and 14 and got married the day she turned 18. Yes, it raised a couple eyebrows but we were 100% for it. Thankfully, her parents were also in agreement. You just have to smile as you see them walking into church holding hands. Ahh to be their age again- They are old enough to snuggle on the couch at family functions and young enough to get outside on the trampoline with all the cousins❤️

    God is so good!

    Our church just had one of our older men pass away. He and his wife got married when he graduated from high school- he was 18 and she was 16. She quit school to stay home and they raised a very fine family. Having just lost him, I bet she is not sorry that she married so young…
    I am certainly not advocating that everyone do that but I am tired of seeing so many young people throw years of their life away when those really are the best years of your life.

  7. One more thing I would like to add.

    “Immaturity” is not the problem. A lack of virtue or innocence is the problem. Mary, the mother of Christ was 14 when she was married. A mature woman is not fully physically mature until about her 17th or 18th birthday. The mother of Christ was not mature when she was married as were many other women throughout history who got married that young. But they were virtuous wives.

    I think the modern concept of maturity is tied to feminism. I see 60 year old women cursing like a sailor and making lots of money. Are these women mature? Yes. Virtuous? No.

  8. Seventeen year old girls are young but they can add and compute a budget. They will know if they can be content on $27,000 a year (or their parents can tell them). And a 17-year old woman will eventually become 27 and could express discontentment then. It’s best to marry someone with a good character and morals. If you marry a woman young because she is too naive to know you make a low salary, this could lead to disaster later. There are many better reasons to marry!

  9. +T – Your concerns are perfectly valid. I know her mother is definitely more involved at church and I know both her mother and father. Though, her father isn’t really a believer, unfortunately.

    As far as courting, I’d definitely go to her parents, first, before pursing anything with her.

    I do think she likes me. We’ve spent some time together. But she’s very shy and reserved (which I kind of like). That said, I’m less concerned with her noticing me. If I decide to really pursue, my aim is to “wooh” her and show her love in a way that makes her more interested.

    I think I explained that correctly. My point is that I’m not just going for anyone who shows interest in me. My focus is on if I notice good qualities in them.

  10. The main reasons a younger age appeals to me are exactly what many of y’all stated. It’s easier for her to see me as the leader and for me to lead.

    I’m not against a woman going to college or working outside the home. However, not having already pursued these makes her more dependent on me as the provider and I appreciate that.

    I want to provide and I am easily capable. God blesses me with a stable, good paying job in the military. Plus, I have an extra part-time job. And, this was in pursuit of my engineering degree, which I could still use to make more later on. Or, I could simply make the military a full career if I needed. I already make more now than my father ever did and he had to raise a family of 4.

    Also, I’m very good with finances and budgeting. Though, I would want her to be well informed.

    My own father actually handled the finances, but never taught mom. When he was I’ll, my mother basically had to teach herself to help keep our family afloat. Not good. My wife needs to be informed and capable.

  11. This is something I have been thinking about lately as my niece, 21, recently announced her engagement. Her fiance is 20.

    They have been dating about 2 years. I’m unaware of any other boyfriends.

    I will admit my very first thought was “Oh no! They are too young”!

    But because I’m continually renewing my mind, and I don’t want to conform to the world”s ways, I immediately shifted my thinking.

    Why are they too young? What’s to be gained by waiting? “Trying out” other boyfriends and girlfriends? Pursuing more education? Amassing more money and things? Seeking their “inner SELF”?

    The list is long and there are much worse, dangerous even, pursuits than these listed.

    We all know what they are.

    So I’m very excited for my niece and her fiance. BECAUSE they are young! They have a blank slate to build on with each other.

    No baggage to crop up and cause hurts and quarrels.

    As for the 24 year old young man.

    I do not think he is too old for her. But as others have said, he should approach her family first. Then spend some time with her, slowly. It really comes down to his intentions.

  12. I have no problem with the 17-year-old young lady and the 24-year-old man’s age gap, assuming that 1) she is sufficiently equipped to manage a household well, 2) her parents are on board with such an arrangement, and 3) her husband is sufficiently prepared to deal with some of the issues inherent with having a bride of her age. I’m not saying all of those things are bad, but some of them can be challenging.

    However, one thing I repeatedly hear people (online) mistakenly assert is that a woman is magically going to respect and look up to a husband because he is older. That’s not even close to being true.

    While a wife is commanded to respect her husband, looking up to him is something that comes from within her, and is a different thing from obeying the letter of the law. Looking up to him in a way that most men desire requires that, on some level, he is worthy in character and lifestyle of that kind of adoration.

    Quiet as it’s kept (and my husband talks to and advises a lot of men on a weekly basis) men genuinely want their wives to have genuine feelings of affection for them not to simply do their duties.

    My husband is younger than me by two years, and we’ve never had an issue with my looking up to him. But then he is a competent, accomplished, excellent man of stellar character from whom I have learned a lot. He was also wise beyond his years. Conversely, I have known several women who were stunned and saddened to learn that their husband’s additional years on them didn’t translate into the wisdom or competence they thought they were marrying.

    Wisdom, as the Scriptures say, is a gift from God.

  13. My husband and I got married at 19, almost 20, and we’ve been so blessed to “grow up” together! But I know of others who married young and it did not go well. Young or older, spiritual maturity is what matters the most I think. 🙂

  14. Patricia, you’re shifting the goalposts. We’re talking about human nature and general cases, not individual cases.

    It is a fact that girls who have had no job or jobs with a low pay, they are far less choosy in regards to men’s income than women who have had plenty of experience in the world. These girls find it easier to find more men attractive. There’s the answer to these 30 something women asking “where are the marriageable men at?”

    It is a fact that girls who are attracted to their husbands are less likely to wander astray because of “discontentment” and more likely to submit to his authority.

    It is a fact that philosophers and church fathers talk about discontentment being a problem that women struggle with. Stories about wives nagging their husbands are legion today but were not unheard of 200 or 1200 years ago.

    It is a fact that most parents which includes Christian parents are screwing up really bad in regards to teaching their daughters virtuous behavior and reasonable expectations regarding traits in looking for a husband especially how much money he makes.

    It is also a fact that men are more likely to earn more money if a woman is married to a man after ten years. Rarely is the case a man made the same amount of money he did ten years ago. And sometimes it isn’t his fault with how screwed up the economy is.

    Since you brought it up, what are the better reasons to get married? I brought up submitting to her husband which is related to Christian virtue, moderation in regards to being content with a lesser income also related to Christian virtue, and attraction. Three key elements of a harmonious marriage relationship.

  15. I didn’t make my last point clear.

    A man is likely to get a raise or find a job with better pay the longer he is in the workforce. And if a man is a hard worker but has not done either of these, it may not be his fault with how screwed up the economy is.

    A 17 year old who married a man who makes $27,000 is likely to see her husband get a raise or two or find a better job.

  16. My husband and I would not let my daughter marry a man who was making what the United States considers poverty income, especially if he was older than her. A man who truly takes to heart the responsibility of providing for his family would have studied harder or trained harder to achieve a job that makes more money. I do not disparage the working class, in fact I know many men with blue-collar jobs who make far more than that, even though they have not gone to 4-year universities.

    An older man should have moved up in his career or had more time to learn a skill. Now a younger man who was just starting off, perhaps we would consider it, if he had ambition and a solid 5 and 10-year plan to support the family. In fact, my husband requires this, along with evidence that he can budget, as proof he is committed to supporting a family.

    Raising and providing for children is not as expensive as popular culture would have you believe, but you still need to be able to pay utilities, rent/mortgage, healthcare, educational materials, food, clothing, etc.

  17. This has been my experience as well. I have no issues at all with a 24 year old young man and 17 year old young woman if her parents are fine with it. In fact my daughter is still way too young but I am keeping my eye on a couple of young men who are around 8 years her senior. With that said, it is a mistake to think that a younger woman will naturally respect an older man. It is her character more than her age. Does she respect the much older man already in her family, her father? That would be a better indicator.

    Like Elspeth I am married to a man 2 years my junior. He is an alpha male and I have no issue respecting him in the least. A group of women were talking about how their husbands were attracted to them physically because these women were quite petite compared to their husbands. I am not a petite woman and asked my husband if he could have ever dated anyone taller than himself (and he’s 6’-1”). He confidently responded that he is man enough to be with any woman. Respect for a husband has a lot more to do with character than age.

  18. It completely depends on the individuals but my feeling is that in normal circumstances women should marry between 18 and 24 and men between 22 and 30.

    It is better if the man is a little older and yes has accepted the responsibility of having a wife and family to support.

    Whatever the womans age her family and especially her father needs to be happy with her prospective husband.

  19. Genuine feelings of affection are wonderful. There’s nothing quite like them. It’s great. But they easily fade, that’s the problem. You can’t base your marriage and your commitment to it on the premise that the affection will last. Sometimes you must grit your teeth and say to yourself, “I WILL do this because I promised and I am a lady/gentleman of my word.” The best thing I ever read as a teenager was a sermon by the Very Rev. Fulton J. Sheen of “Life Is Worth Living” fame, on the joint subject of tolerance and love. Tolerance is a misused word today. It does not mean loving others who are different, it means a “putting up with evil” for the sake of avoiding a greater evil. And love is also misused; love is an intellectual decision made yearly, monthly, weekly, daily (sometimes hourly and sometimes minute by minute when the person to be loved is at his/her most unlovable). It means to literally wish for the other person that which is best for them — to desire their good. Zip. Nada. Simple. When you put it that way, then marriage is a lot simpler.

    I don’t have to “like” the person. I just have to “love” the person and fulfill my duties towards him (or her as the case may be). I can say with near-certainty my husband definitely does not like me, and I can honestly say I really do not like him. But I love him. I want his good. I want him in Heaven for eternity. I want his soul saved. I want what is best for him.

  20. I had the privileged of introducing a wonderful couple to each other. I didn’t even think that I was introducing a husband to his future wife, because he was 26 and she was 18. I guess unconsciously I considered her too young and the age difference to large, but God had better plans. Thankfully, the couple didn’t see a problem. They started dating/courting right away and were married a short time later (maybe a year?). They are still married 20+ years later with 6 children. They are a marvelous family and serve the Lord faithfully wherever they go. I’m so glad my bias didn’t get in the way.

  21. To those who have a marriage where the husband is younger than the wife, I hope you have a wonderful marriage and the joys of married life that God intended.

    That being said, we are talking about principles here. We aren’t talking about exceptions to the rule. No one is forbidding qualifiers or condemning this or that.

    There is an old saying “grace builds on nature.” That means when an individual or collective follows the natural order of things God intended, God’s grace follows from that.

    Women mature faster than men do. It follows that nature intended women to be capable of handling their complementary marriage duties at younger ages than men. As stated earlier, there are exceptions.

    It is easier for a woman to submit to a man who is older than her. That statement by itself should not be contested.

  22. Actually, a teen who works the entire day to make $80 may want a man who is financially successful. She knows how hard it is to work all day and how quickly that $80 goes.

    Good reasons to marry? Affection. Godliness. Good nature. Spiritual goodness.

  23. I hope you are successful. However, if she isn’t interested, all the “wooing” in the world is unlikely to work.

  24. Genuine feelings of affection are wonderful. There’s nothing quite like them. It’s great. But they easily fade, that’s the problem. You can’t base your marriage and your commitment to it on the premise that the affection will last. Sometimes you must grit your teeth and say to yourself, “I WILL do this because I promised and I am a lady/gentleman of my word.”

    I actually agree with this. It seems that I have been misunderstood. Anyone who has been married more than a little while knows that there will be moments when you don’t like your spouse all that much and you keep doing what’s right because it’s right and because you made vows.

    None of that changes the fact that only a person who has never been married thinks that this is an optimal approach to marriage over the long haul. And to be honest, men are far more idealistic about these things than women are. At least that has been my experience as the husband and I have talked to numerous couples over the years who have asked for counsel.

    The women who understand what you just wrote, and have committed to their vows? They seem to settle into that kind of groove much more easily. The men? Not so much. They want to be wanted and respected by their wives.

    Lori, it was not my intention to steer the conversation away from your original question about how young a woman should marry. As I said, I’m fine with the gap you presented in your original post.

    I only wanted to note that in an era when so many young adults (even those raised in good Christian homes!) are not equipped for adult life, the blanket statement that a woman will necessarily look up to and respect the wisdom and leadership an older husband doesn’t quite hold the same veracity as it did 50 years ago.

    Particularly since girls are now being taught to be leaders while masculinity is being steadily denigrated.

    @M: I’m a tall girl too, and similarly, my husband never went for short girls.

  25. My husband would say a potential spouse should be half you’re age plus 5 years. So for you, 17 year Olds are acceptable. My maternal grandparents were 13 years apart in age. As is my sister and her husband. Nothing wrong with that either. I would wait till she is 18 however to consider courtship.
    I got married when I was 19 and my husband 24/25 years old. So the age gap you are describing is fine.

  26. A woman needs to be at least 18 years old. I don’t know about you all, but my dad would have FLIPPED OUT if he thought for one second a man in his 20s was romantically interested in me when I was a teenager.

  27. Allow me to have a different viewpoint:

    It all depends upon family genetics.

    My family genetics are such that we are ‘Late Bloomers’ both men and women. My mother had me and married at age 37.

    This is completely normal within my family lineage.

    From 18-20, I could have found a boyfriend and been very happy. HOWEVER…something strange happened from 20-25. I do believe that ‘something strange happening’ was my frontal lobe doing final development. I stopped having childhood crushes on men (ok almost!! hehe) and I started to ‘get smart.’

    I was always street-smart but from 22-25 I became Doubly Street-Smart.

    I’m very proud of 22-25. Really important personal development that has now paid of big time.

    From age 25 and up…I haven’t changed. No change in my personality or beliefs. I could have married at 25. In fact, I wish I had met my now husband at 25…wouldn’t that have been great!!

    My husband is an interesting case….His father got his mother pregnant at age 22 (she was 30) and then divorced…and spent the rest of his life beating into his sons heads not to settle with ‘their first’

    Well…none of the sons have settled…With Any (except for my husband who I grabbed by the cuff of the neck before we even dated and set him straight about why we were dating and where we were going to end up…down the aisle…or else…now you know where the street-smarts come in…and yes threats were involved even before the first date 🙂 🙂 😉 ) and now they are embarrassingly old to be single…and heading towards Male Spinsterdom

    And I do think that my husband could EASILY have married young. He has a very different personality than I do and very different family genetics.

    One of my husband’s brothers SHOULD have married young. His first relationship was so damaging psychologically, the break-up so devastating….that I doubt he’s going to ever get married. He’s a man whore now…and sleeps around…but he’s a reverse man whore…he was naturally monogamous and then emotionally shattered…turning to casual sex as the solution. Usually it’s the reverse—casual sex then going to monogamy.

    I don’t think it would have been a good idea for me to marry under 25.

    So…with this in mind…when I have children…I’m going to ask myself ‘Who does this child take after??’

    If the child takes after me…I’m ok saying 25-30.

    If the child takes after my husbands family…I’m ok saying 18-30…with an ideal age of 23-27.

    So it depends upon the personality of the child.

    A young marriage to a good woman would have stabilized my husband at any age.

    A marriage, even to a good person, before my final frontal lobe development…may not have been a good idea for me.

  28. A pastor I know encourages his large family to marry young after short engagements, and start their family.

  29. And my nephew was 26 when he married his 19-year old wife. They just celebrated their 3rd anniversary.

  30. I think that the important I thing is that all ‘dating’ should be with an active view to marriage and should ideally be supervised by the family.

  31. Cody, yes I do have a wonderful marriage, thank you sincerely for the kind wishes. Are you perhaps going a bit further than God on your statement that the principle is to marry a man older than yourself? I’d say for sure it is the norm but not a rule.

    Also as a woman who seeks to honor God and her husband I have no problem submitting to my husband who is two years younger. If a wife is incapable or finds it hard to submit to a younger husband than she probably wouldn’t submit to an older one either as it is truly a sign of character more than age. In fact I can prove that statement quite easily as this is the case for most marriages. It is indeed the norm for women to marry older men but it is also the norm (albeit incorrect) that these same women do not honor or submit to their husbands. So much is this the case that God has to specify that we are to do so in the Bible and Lori has to continually exhort women the world over to submit to their own husbands.

    As I mentioned before I don’t have any issue at all with a 17 year old and 24 year old courting but I think if you bring too much focus on the age as being pivotal for respect you’ll miss out on what truly makes a submissive wife, one who honors the Lord. See how she honors her father, see how she submits to the elders of the church. If anyone in authority tells her something, does she get upset or rebellious? In my opinion, those are much better signs to look for than her age.

  32. It was actually not the norm for Jewish girls to marry that young. It was more so for the other cultures. But it has become traditional teaching that she was that young.

  33. I have great confidence in Jonathan to find the right woman for him. How many young men do you know today who ask the questions like the ones Jonathan asks? Jonathan you keep trusting The Holy Spirit to lead you to the right gal. You will find her. I believe I would consider 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 when looking for a spouse and ask if the person I’m interested in is showing these attributes towards others and especially to you as you get to know her. Age seems secondary to me.

    I married my husband at 21 and he was 25 and we have been married 39 years. Over the last two years of my wonderful, Godly, not perfect marriage, these verses have really been a guiding light. Their lovely verses but can only truly be understood when challenged. These last two years my husband and I have watched his parents as they lost their battle with dementia and Alzheimers. We then lost my father. Then we clung to each other after my husband had heart surgery and a job loss. We then took in a family member with three children after a divorce. We have had some wonderful times together too! Never would I have imagined how very important these verses would be when I walked down the aisle at 21. Thankfully, finding a spouse committed to these verses at a young age made for a long and happy marriage!

    Blessings to Jonathan

  34. Your right on cody. Women loose virtue every year they are single over 18 some more than others. And what exactly is maturity? I know 60yo people who act like teenagers. At 35 i have yet to see it people, men i know are the same guys they were at 15 they just are more refined me included. Women are flexible when they are young and they either spend their 20s adapting to a husband or adapting to single life.

    While i cannot support men older than 19 dating or marrying highschoolers. You have to date younger. Pro tip eat right, lift, work 10hrs a day, save until your hair turns grey. When your hair turns grey you wont need to ask anyone for advice on this matter youll get it. I get your trying to get started earlier good luck.

  35. I’m a little late but I say pray on it and go for it! Do it! Court her until she turns 18 and then get married (or if her parents consent sooner) My sister got engaged after 3 months of dating and she was only 17. Her husband (then fiancee) joined the military and was busy with that while she finished high school and planned the wedding. After his tech school and her graduation they got married(she was then 18) and off they went. Still married 10 years later with 2 beautiful children. She sounds like a very nice girl with a serving heart. If I was her dad I wouldn’t have any problems with you dating her because its RARE to find a young Christian man that’s hard working, stable job, loves God, and wants to settle down with one woman for life at your age. I will keep you in my prayers!

  36. Btw thank you for your service! My hubby is in armament in the AF! I believe that’s the same job field.

  37. I was 17′ and my now husband 25 when we first net and started going out on church. A big difference then, but now, after 30+ years, doesn’t make any difference

  38. Thank you, Dominic. I appreciate the support considering how frustrating it is talking to people here.

    I don’t necessarily think that women lose virtue if they remain under their parents roof (implying the parents are actually decent parents). A woman’s place is in the home. If she makes an effort to limit bad company out in the world, I believe God will bless her whether she ends up married or not. It’s beyond cruel to suggest that if a woman ends up unmarried, not because of a lack of virtue or effort but because she can’t find a man to marry, she will end in Hell.

    But that is not what is happening in almost all cases of young women today. They are leaving their homes and going into the workforce and college which will poison their minds and diminish their abilities as a wife in the vast majority of cases. There was a book I read written in 1916 citing a study saying women who attended college were far more likely to get married and not have children. This was before women’s suffrage in a time where human nature was understood far better by the masses.

    I’m not sure why you forbid an older man in 20s courting marrying teenagers. It was historically the norm, when marriages were in much better shape.

  39. It is sad to see a culture freaking out over teenage weddings and yet not bat an eye when two men or two women decide to “marry” each other.

  40. My dad actually introduced my future husband (who works for my dad) to me when I was 18 years old (he was 24). We married 3 days after my 19th birthday and I came home from our honeymoon pregnant and we had our third child when I was 22 (he kept me pregnant from the time we said I do!). Marrying young was great, my parents knew the plan for me was to marry a God fearing man that would take care of me and be a great husband and father that I would obey and learn from, and that I would stay home, be a good housewife and have babies. I know that still seems young to some, and I was not like most 18 year old girls, it was just the right thing for me and my family. I’m almost 43 now, still VERY happily married and I thank God every day for for my family `

  41. Oh my, this was a really good post! Especially as I can relate. I just turned 18, and am expecting my 24-year-old boyfriend to propose to me any day now (we courted) and get married early next year! I don’t think a 17 to 24 age gap is too large, that’s only seven years! And she sounds mature enough. Yes, the gap feels a little big. But over time it won’t, and especially when they grow to love each other, it won’t matter at all.

  42. Amen brother! It’s good to have Godly daughters, and it’s even more important to have Godly sons. And when they get married the blessed fruit grows and multiplies! The daughters didn’t like being married that young at first, but sometimes Daddy Knows Best. I sure did love it when they called me Daddy, but now there is another “Daddy” in their lives. Praise the lord! Lori is such a dumb bitch she probably won’t realize I’m fucking with her, and she will blindly approve this comment. Amen! Blessed be the fruit under His eye!

  43. Personal opinion here, but, if you are going into marriage looking to somehow “fit a husband into your schedule”, then your marriage is doomed from the start. Your husband IS your schedule if you want a happy and harmonious marriage. Likewise, husbands, if you are looking for a wife as an “adornment to your own successful life”, you also will be disappointed. She IS your success.

  44. Good to know there are Godly people out there making a difference in their daughter’s lives! Good job Jim! Amen!

  45. Will do, Suzanne – we’re long distance, over 700 miles apart, and will be seeing each other twice this month – fully expecting him to pop the question one of those times!

  46. I think a young woman should be 18 or at least graduated highschool to marry. Where I live you can’t legally get married without parental signature until 18. What’s wrong with waiting a year or so to be of legal age. Also another thing to consider, a young woman really needs to have graduated high school before marriage. Reason being if she wants to homeschool her children most states require a high school diploma or GED to do so. A high school diploma is much easier to obtain than to drop out of high school to marry and then later get a GED.

  47. My sister got married when she was seventeen, and her husband was 29. They became friends when she was 14, and he says he noticed her for her virtue and her desire to be a stay-at-home mother and submissive wife. They also have many interests in common and are soul-mates in a unique way. She was very mature for her age, they were always good friends and their age difference didn’t matter at all. He talked with our dad and waited until she was sixteen to begin a courtship, and now they are happily married for almost 5 years now. If Jonathan likes this virtuous young woman, there is absolutely nothing wrong with beginning a courtship with her, as long as he has her parents’ full support. As Lori said, they might have to wait til she’s eighteen to get married, depending on the law in their state.
    I would have been thrilled to get married at 17. As it is, I got married at 22, and my sister is 22 now and has two sons already! When you’re committed to remain a virgin until marriage, marriage becomes much more desirable!

  48. Interestingly, Elspeth, there are women who are leaders in state government who rule over your husband. He must follow the laws they make or pay the consequences! It’s terrible!

  49. I always take notice of what the culture is promoting, and everything currently boils down to depopulation and discrediting the Bible. The push for homosexuality, transgenderism, abortion, delaying marriage, delaying childbearing, HPV vaccines, all contribute to encouraging fewer babies to be born, and encouraging less stable households. The issue isn’t WHEN a woman marries (because a woman can be following God’s will for her life and not find the right man until later in life) the issue is what is society PROMOTING. It is sad to me that you basically saying “Yes young marriage is ok” sounds revolutionary and radical.

  50. I don’t think age is relevant to whether marriage is successful or not. I know a couple who married in their late teens and they are very happy together and I know couples who married in their 40s or 50s and are very happy together. I really think that the Lord works with us on an individual basis, and when we marry or if we marry are completely up to God’s personal will for our lives. There are no commands in the Bible as to what age people should marry. Spiritual maturity is what matters the most in a marriage anyway.

  51. This is encouraging. Our eight year old son constantly talks about preparing to become a man, a leader and finding a wife. The term “girlfriend” is not something we dwell on or throw around in our home. We aim to model for our two boys what a godly marriage looks like so that they won’t be taken by anything else, and we constantly talk to them about marrying someone who will follow their lead. This means they (and we) need to do the work now to help them grow into godly men, and ask God for wisdom as they get older and begin to meet their potential wives. It’s an almost-daily conversation in our home, and we are always glad when they bring it up.

  52. +Chelsea H – I’m actually in aerospace propulsion (jet engine mechanic). Armament is still maintenance, though. ? Thank you for his service and yours.

    By the way, I’m actually only a few years out of tech school. My hope is, if all goes well, that I could finish college while she finishes high school.

    I’ve actually now talked to her parents. They approve, but just have to bring it up with her. Praying she approves as well. I’m sure she will, but I don’t know.

  53. Hi ‘A Mom’
    Romantic or physical attraction can and often does fade. People, especially those that marry very young, do change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. I do totally agree with your sentiment. However, affection and attraction are not ‘like.’ My Dad often told me to be sure I really liked people with whom I spent my time. He encouraged me to not spend time with peers who were ‘cool’ but people whose values I shared and with whom I genuine shared interests and values. His three rules of advice, which will not be popular here, were 1.) Don’t be a teacher (he was one) and if you really want to teach, become a Professor. 2.) Don’t marry until your 26 and old enough to know what you are doing. 3.) Don’t marry someone you love. Marry someone you really like. Do you value their values? Do you enjoy most of what they enjoy? Do you like who they really are? Do you like they way they treat you? Do you appreciate their sense of humor? Don’t marry because they are cute, rich, or make you feel special. Marry because they share your values, your dreams and because you think who they are is special. Yes, marriages can definitely last with prayer and submission. Yes, there are times when husbands love, but don’t like their wives – and vice versa. I may not be passionately attracted to my husband ( and truthfully I NEVER was. I picked him for other reasons.) But, I LIKE him. He’s the one I want to hang out with. So, I would encourage women seeking a husband to seek a person they admire for their values, their intelligence, their sense of humor, their trustworthiness as a friend. Not romantic feelings.

  54. I was 18 he was 21. Not a perfect road but there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. The only reason we sit at 37 years married is by the grace of God. Marriage is intentional and deliberate. If we have a fantasy of expectation, they surly will be dashed. So much immaturity theses days and too many Christian women thinking they need to be treated like royalty. If the keep this mentality they will not cease to be unhappy and that translates to their husband and children.

  55. I’m 17 like the girl he’s talking about and I go to church and everything but haven’t really met any guys that God has told me “yes he’s the one.” I just never feel a spark and I think sometimes I’m too picky. I trust that God already has a plan for me though.

  56. Oh to add on to my other comment, I’m going to Ghana over the summer to visit some family. I’ll be 18 and from what I’ve heard there’s many Christian men there, so I’ll just wait and see.

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