He’s Looking For a Godly Wife
This young man wrote this comment on this post Marry a Christian Man Who Provides and Protects the other day. If you’re interested, just leave him a comment! 🙂 Let’s help this man find a wife! (I would love to see all of you who are godly and single, who want to marry, find a spouse!)
I want to thank The Transformed Wife and also all the previous commenters to her article here. As a young (24) single man, this probably isn’t the best website for me. However, this article near perfectly describes the man I want to be and the woman I want to marry. I tend to be very traditional and though I didn’t grow up knowing the Lord, I’ve found that this viewpoint is often very biblical.
I work as an aircraft mechanic in the military and am pursing a bachelors in engineering. I recently bought my first home and have always been pretty frugal. I go to church regularly, have a strong relationship with Christ, and am even teaching a youth apologetic’s class at church. I enjoy serving wherever I can and love how God has given me a servant heart. My first priority is my relationship with Jesus, second is my future family (and helping my parents back home when I can), and third is my work and being a good provider for my future family.
The part I find most discouraging, however, is the lack of women who are this way. Every woman near my age, that I see, is going to college and usually working as well. While I don’t have a problem with women doing these both before marriage and child-bearing, I see little hint of them desiring to be married and have children.
Also, my only romantic relationship was with someone who was very much a career-oriented feminist. So, I’m far more cautious when ladies mention they’re going to college and pursuing some degree/career path. I understand many woman lack the security of prospective husbands. Most men my age are somewhat equally influenced by the feminist culture (even in the church). So, women don’t have much of a choice but to seek their own provision.
However, my question is in how I would tell the difference between a woman who is merely going that route prior to marriage and would easily give it up when she’s married versus a woman who is going that route and wouldn’t give it up? Could I even know before pursing a relationship with her?
I guess it simply has to do with her priorities. On a first date, I could ask if she would rather have a future career or future family as her priority.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
117 thoughts on “He’s Looking For a Godly Wife”
Hope he finds a good woman, but its unlikely. How is it that he cant find a lady at his church? I see this all the time Christian people marrying outside the faith. ( Which is forbidden)
The problem here is that his church isn’t providing him a spouse. Churches are not producing Godly women anymore. Now this young man is out in the world trying to find a help meet. It’s not gonna happen! I feel this man may give in and marry the wrong woman, then his life is over.
Bad women can destroy you, that’s the harsh reality.
Bless you Lori for trying to help this lad, his church sure isn’t, and that is a big problem.
We have 12 children left to get married! Our oldest married a wonderful Christian girl. They are out there! I say if God can part the Red Sea, He can find one a good and godly spouse! The very fact that a blog like this still has hundreds- is it thousands? – proves there are godly young women out there. We’re raising four ourselves. 🙂
As a guy myself finding a godly woman who really lives out biblical womanhood is rare these days. Even women in the church have been heavy indoctrinated by feminism. They are no quiet, career women, and don’t mention submission or the word ”obey” when it comes to marriage even the pastors will be offended because they don’t want to lose their cash cows.
Best advice is to keep praying and looking, they are out there but few compared to old days. How many even wear dresses besides these club dresses, sad women aren’t even feminine even more.
I am 28 years old and bought into the feminist lie before I was saved and culturally it is a very strong and pervasive message.
I come across like I would be a hardcore feminist, I have this disposition about me,I am tall and speak quite better of factly. People make this mistake and when they realise my views, they are quite surprised.
I would advise to follow the biblical guidelines regarding modesty and how they spend their time. But dont judge purely by outward appearance, as happens to me.
Conservative thinking Christian women tend to have your same way of thinking over the more liberal Christian woman but you wont fully know their views until you speak with them in conversation 🙂
I would love to message him! Or him message me, haha, men lead! I pray every day for a husband I can submit to and obey, love and serve well, and someone that wants to be very fruitful and multiply a lot! Most men that fit all the right “marks” either don’t want a lot of kids, or do but want a wife that works. It’s a battle. Singleness is a trial. Praying for this man and praying more women would become how the Lord has taught!
I have a Youtube channel where I teach single women how to be wives and mothers and pray it encourages even one girl to become more like a Titus 2/Proverbs 31 faithful woman! Thanks for sharing, Lori!
He needs to check out the Shindigs that the Pearls started! My husband attended several looking for a wife and had several women he was considering before God opened the door for us to get together.
You can know her orientation by talking to her. Create a previous friendship and talk a lot! If she doesn’t share your goals and values you will know it. And pay attention to her interests. If you want a new lawyer for your company, you’ll seek his/her knowledge on… law. So seek out her knowledge or learning process on home related things, such as cooking and teaching kids.
I am Catholic, carre woman and my goal is to become a wife, a mother and a professional. Our Church does not forbid that. Pope Francis says “Nowadays we acknowledge as legitimate and indeed desirable that women wish to study, work, develop their skills and have personal goals”. And I’ve found out that talking to men prior a relationship is the best way to be sure we’re on the same page about this topic. Since I’m studying to become a federal judge in my country, I would never marry a man who wants a housewife (I think it’s a beautiful job but not for me).
I’m sorry for the weak English.
Wish you cheers and hope you find a good wife who helps your path to Heaven,
Am interested in marrying him too
Where are the god fearing young Christian men at? My sister would like to meet one. It was hard enough for me at 24 when I meet my hubby. He was 28. Young Christian women & men exist, they are just hard to find, I had to actually go to a church in a different city to visit & that’s were we meet. After my Grandparents closed church due to lack of funding, we went to a church in town, there were 2 guys around my age, wouldn’t give me time of day. Not even a hello. Very rude. This church was so strict, they didn’t even let you wear a wedding band if you were a member. Now Im married & moved, my family is in a different church . That church from what the retired pastor tells me, none of the kids around my age stayed in church. One girl my sisters age did. its really sad & horrible.
Hang in there, there are young single christian girls out there despite what people say. keep praying . I did. Ive been married over 7 years now. You’ll know if the girl you meet is the right one soon enough. I was talking about wedding colors on our second date. Just be careful in case she is Leary of men like me, & be careful on the children part, until the time is right to discuss bc everyone cant have kids & it could make the girl upset if she already knows that she cant have kids. Let her bring that subject up.
He starting asking me to be his wife after 2 months, I of course made him wait a year, bc Im VERY distrusting of men in general. I was grabbed in a parking lot one time. So I wear pants most of the time. I wanted to make sure he was the one. Plus I needed time to make my wedding dress. im not very good at sewing. gag.
I’m sorry to see the negative and hopeless comments from the men on this topic. My best advice to this young man is actually to seek out the brotherhood and accountability of the older men in his church. Hang out with them, learn from them and observe their marriages. Prepare yourself to be a Godly provider. Work in your community to help those in need. As you run toward Jesus you will notice someone running in the same direction. A little tip from an older lady: be realistic. She might not look like a professional model. No, often the most wonderful life partner might best be described as Plain Jane. Don’t be distracted by those loud, exotic birds. Look for the plain and lovely little wren who serves in her community. Who is working in the nursery? Who is working in the food pantry? She won’t call attention to herself or exalt herself. She is the one.
It’s discouraging that churches across ALL denominations are not teaches that the God says in His Word that women are to be keepers at home.
It’s VERY discouraging. The older women aren’t obeying God, therefore, the few younger men and women who are godly are suffering.
I would simply say to ask a woman on the first few dates! You can frame it as, “I would love for my children to have a stay at home mom. Is that something you see for yourself and your future children? I have been working to pay off a house and I have a great job that would afford my wife to stay home.” You could also say, “My mother was a stay at home mom and my fondest memories are how she was always there for x, y, z.” Finally, you could say, “I think stay at home moms truly do it all — it is one of the highest callings and most challenging ‘careers,’ what do you think?” This is an easy way to show what you are seeking in a future spouse, why you think it, and to make sure you are respectfully opening the conversation to get to know your date’s thoughts.
Although I am currently a “career woman,” I will retire when I have my first child. Most of the women I know have this same goal, but many are afraid they won’t find a man who will still respect her if she voices this opinion. I think many women would be relieved to hear your thoughts on the matter during a date. I don’t think any of them would be offended — if they don’t want to be a stay at home mother, they would probably just politely disagree and you can cease the dates!
And the mom in me warns to please use common sense when dealing with strangers online. I’m sure that there are some men who post here are genuinely godly. But there may be some who come here aren’t who they appear so please.be.careful.
You do not want to be on the 6:00 news!
I really pray Johnathan, finds a wonderful Godly wife my Precious Hubby waited 28 years to marry me and it has been 39 loving, wonderful, blissful years and counting! He is the love of my life (after Jesus) and submitting to his guidance is a joy! He has often said that he is pleased he waited and ended up marrying a Godly women who wanted only to be a Wife, Mama and homemaker!
God’s ways and plans are the very best and when lived out them out in our lives they bring such joy and peace to our lives even when the enemy attacks with sickness and finance – which he has done over the years! However when you are equally yoked in God, submitting in a Godly way, He sees you through the hard times!
I shall be praying for Johnathan and the wife God has install for him!
May God bless him with a Godly wife soon!
Love and Blessing – Jilly.???
That’s very true, Regina, but I know a few couples who found each other online and are now happily married and having children. Since we are a remnant, I see no problem with using any means available to find godly spouses but as you say, one must be very wise and discerning.
When a man, ANY man, tells you to do something that is in direct violation of what God tells you to do, you must listen to God and ignore the foolishness of that man.
Pope Francis does not have the authority to acknowledge, legitimize or deem desirable ANYTHING that God says otherwise about. He is but a man like any other man. He is not special.
God instructs women to get married, bear children, manage households, submit to and serve their husbands. Not go out into the world to rule and lead.
In that quoted statement above, Pope Francis is spouting the Satanic drivel of an ungodly feminist who is in utter opposition to God.
God wants you to be married more than you want to be married! He is so excited to bless you with a wonderful wife, who will bring you good every day of your life.
I would encourage you to thank God, in advance (and in faith!), for your wife. For who He has made her to be. For the children and ministry that you two will have. For his provision in every area, as He loves to pour out blessings on His children.
Second, I would urge you to be the most Bible-breathing man you know. Get into the word, and let the seed go deep into you and change you from the inside! There’s no magic formula (like “read fifteen minutes a day” or do this or that study) – just let your Daddy speak to you!
Cant wait to hear the update =)
I’m Catholic too, and please don’t be fooled by the modernist lies. You can’t have it all. How could you be a good mother of all the children you have (as the Catholic Church teaches not to use contraception) if you work full time? And a female judge is a shameful thing according to Bible (check Deborah’s story).
Please read Catholic books and papal writings pre-Vatican II which can show you the TRUE teaching of our Church.
Like these ones:
I wanted to be a professor but realized that the most important thing I can and should do is to be at home and raise my children and I can do this only if I’m at home full time.
Pope Francis is talking like a feminist… personal goals, hah, my greatest personal goal is to be a wonderful and godly wife, mother and homemaker. God created me to be a help meet to my husband, a caring mother who raises saints and a keeper of home.
Please don’t be fooled and destroy your future family.
Young man, pray – pray – pray! Give thanks to God for your many blessings and then ask Him to direct your path to a Godly woman. When you meet new women, just ask lots of questions. Get them talking and out of their mouths will come their core beliefs, hopes for the future, and many other things that will give you knowledge of whether or not you have things in common with her, or if you agree with her views.
I pray for my 18 y.o. daughter daily that she will be patient and wait for God’s timing to deliver unto her a man who fears/reveres God, wishes to be a protector, a provider, a man who is brave and who will lead. She longs for companionship, marriage, and a family, but until God’s timing is fulfilled, she is going to university. She is chaste, wears dresses, smiles, goes to church, is a good conversationalist and is definitely not a feminist. She sometimes feels surrounded by feminists and effeminate men or party boys/girls. She wants none of that and sometimes loneliness creeps in.
What else can I tell her but “be patient and pray and wait for God’s timing in all things for He will direct your paths?” I made many mistakes when I was younger, but God was/is kind and forgiving. I met and married my husband in my early 30s; we’ve been together over 20 years.
Incidentally, we have sent our daughter to college to learn a paying skill/’career’ until such time she meets/marries a man who wishes to provide for her and raise a family. In the meantime, she will continue her education and practice communication/people skills so she is well-rounded and a good conversationalist. She also has the opportunity to meet new people/make new friends. I would be curious what Lori thinks about today’s high school graduate girls and if this is an acceptable path; if not, what should they do? We love having our daughter in our home, but what else is a young woman to do until God has finished preparing and sends a Godly man into her life? We did not feel idleness and lack of direction or just getting some menial job was a good plan.
This is so true for my sons as well. I have prayed since they were babies for their future spouses. I never considered how the field of godly women would be so limited. At 29 and 31, I think they have tired of the whole process. Going to different churches is an option but easier said than done. Singles classes are often full of “single again” at their age. And just popping in and checking out singles classes is pretty awkward. It would be worth it though if a precious godly wife was the result.
Sorry, the second link should be this:
I met my husband online!
On our third date, it was clear there was something between us…but what? I was looking for an Ephesians 5 husband!
So I blurted that out…”What are you looking for? Because I’m looking for Ephesians 5″!
My husband had a deer in the headlights look on his face and didn’t answer…not just yet.
He took me home and as I crawled into bed I said, “Lord, I may never see that man again. But thank you for giving me the courage to speak up about Your Word pn marriage”!
The point is, be clear about your goals for Biblical marriage and
family. We have nothing to lose! If the prospective wife/husband is not on the same page, good to know!
As for my husband. He called me by 8 am the next day. He said he went home and read Ephesians 5. He said, YES! That’s what he was looking for too!
We have been together every single day since. It’s been a tremendous love story!
Thank you, Lord!
Here is an excerpt from the last link:
“74. The same false teachers who try to dim the luster of conjugal faith and purity do not scruple to do away with the honorable and trusting obedience which the woman owes to the man. Many of them even go further and assert that such a subjection of one party to the other is unworthy of human dignity, that the rights of husband and wife are equal; wherefore, they boldly proclaim the emancipation of women has been or ought to be effected. This emancipation in their ideas must be threefold, in the ruling of the domestic society, in the administration of family affairs and in the rearing of the children. It must be social, economic, physiological: – physiological, that is to say, the woman is to be freed at her own good pleasure from the burdensome duties properly belonging to a wife as companion and mother (We have already said that this is not an emancipation but a crime); social, inasmuch as the wife being freed from the cares of children and family, should, to the neglect of these, be able to follow her own bent and devote herself to business and even public affairs; finally economic, whereby the woman even without the knowledge and against the wish of her husband may be at liberty to conduct and administer her own affairs, giving her attention chiefly to these rather than to children, husband and family.”
God bless you and help find the Truth.
There is no substitute for plain spoken honesty.
What a wonderful testimony!
I was SUPER encouraged to hear how this young man already prioritizes his life! I recently wrote an article (primarily for moms) about this same thing (https://www.connectpointmoms.com/post/five-ways-to-successfully-order-your-life) and pray that this young man finds the godly wife he is looking for to honor and glorify our Lord! I also pray that if he doesn’t, he can still cling to the love that God has for him and not stray from that TRUTH!
Hey! Great bio …I have a stunning 21 yr old Daughter who cannot Find a Young man who will back up and show up. They say nice things but never really follow though. Sad reality.
There is no way to know unless you get to know her and spend time with her. Don’t assume that because she is busy with school that she doesn’t want a traditional family life. She may just be very focused.
This topic is dear to my heart as my brother married a feminist, has had a child and is basically enslaved to her whims and temper. He considered divorce but would almost certainly lose custody of the child. His only option is to remain married. He is not allowed to have an opinion, nor teach his son anything that she prohibits. My poor brother is in misery because we were not taught the most IMPORTANT MESSEAGE in LIFE. ***MARRY THE RIGHT SPOUCE***. This person is the one person who can make your life or break your life. IF SHE IS NOT MOVING YOU FORWARD SHE IS DRAGGING YOU BACKWARD! Make a list of everything you want in a wife. Have the potential spouce make a list as well. Things to consider; parenting styles, marriage roles, what is your end goal, what do you want from life, what type of house do you like, car do you like, music… every detail. Prioritize the most important issues and do not accept anyone who doesn’t meet your most important issues. Be very FRANK and ask, does she believe in being a Keeper of the HOME. IF she answers in any way other than ABSOLUTELY, Run! This choice is the most important decision of your life. Treat it that way. Don’t RUSH! WAIT on the LORD! Do not compromise!
I will keep this man in my prayers.. May God grant him, and bless him with, a threefold-cord. I am 27, but am still praying for a godly husband to reverance, submit to and help at home.. I want to be an encouragement to this man, and hopefully he sees this comment.. there are women who seek nothing but God’s will, but they are hard to find.. always test the spirits for even the devil masquerades as an angel of light. God will ensure your walk, our Him first in all of your doings and you will succeed in life with much blessing and grace from our God. I’ll keep you in prayer.. don’t give up your search for a godly woman, we are out there!
You may find me on Facebook or on IG.
I’m 21 and would love if I could meet more men like him. I relate because the one serious relationship I had was with a man who at first I thought appreciated my femininity but soon resented that I wanted to be a keeper of the home. He thought women who didn’t have a job weren’t contributing enough to the family and wanted a wife to make money so he could keep a luxury lifestyle. I’d tell this man to not completely rule out girls in university. You’d be surprised how many young women secretly love womanhood and want a husband and children but downplay their desire because feminism has shamed them for it. I’d say he should start by looking for girls who dress feminine, or at least, put a little effort into their appearance. They are the ones who know the value of a woman’s place in society, instead of trying to deny it. They will appreciate him being the man instead of trying to take over the role.
The most Godly people I know used a Christian dating site to find a spouse. They are perfectly mated. Plus their parents were involved as well. All of the women are keepers of the home and homeschoolers too.
There’s alot of good stuff in all these comments.
I think the bottom line in choosing a spouse really comes down to one thing: are you both committed to a Biblical marriage?
Are you BOTH going to work your way thru life and decisions referencing Gods Word for instructions? Nobody has got all that down on Day 1 or Day 1000. It’s a learning process. The first few years we were married, I worked. We both thought this was ok. But as we have grown, we both came to the understanding that the wife’s divine appointment is at home. I cannot begin to tell you how it has enriched our marriage since I became a keeper of the home!
Sorry, I did not sit and read all the comments…just assuming that everything this gentleman said is true…. then I would say it is definitely hard to find the kind of wife you are looking for…
“For an excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” Prov 31:10
But If God has given you a desire to find a godly wife, He is not going to leave with no way to fill that desire. Online is certainly one way to do it. I know many godly couples that found each other online, but obviously you have to be careful. The way you know if the person is sincerely a godly woman and not just putting on a show, would be the same way she would know this about you. Seeking God. Praying earnestly. Growing in Him and not ignoring any obvious signs of trouble. As believers, God wants to protect us if we are willing to listen and seek Him. He does not want us in a bad marriage. He wants His men to follow Him and be loving, godly leaders of their home as well as He wants us women, to be respectful godly help meets. And again, the only way to tell this is by truly seeking Him. I would say, while you wait, live a godly life, be in the word of God, grow in Christ, pray like crazy, wait on Him and work on preparing yourself to be the best godly husband you can, because if she is a godly woman, she will have biblical standards too and she won’t want them to dissipate after marriage either. I do wish you a blessed search.
Y’all, I have a twenty-three-year-old daughter available whom I homeschooled K-12. She wears dresses, is a doula, wants to stay at home on a homestead and raise a family, make soap, do her crafts, make her herbal remedies, and cook from scratch. Anyone who is or knows an eligible young Independent Baptist young man is free to find and message me on FB.
Three words for this young man, in alphabetical order: “multilingual,” “passport,” and “travel.”
I’m assuming that this young man is American, so I will tell him that he is wasting both time and emotional energy by seeking marriageable “Christian” women in English-speaking North America, Western Europe, or Oceania. While it is obviously untrue to say that such women are completely non-existent in these places, their rarity makes the odds of this young man finding and marrying one about as likely as him winning two consecutive lottery jackpots. It is simply not a productive stewardship of his time to go diving in a septic tank to seek a diamond.
That said, he should concentrate on finding a Christian wife in a culture where the faith is taken seriously and believers actually walk the talk. That usually means cultures where born-again believers are a marginalized and/or persecuted minority, an environment that does not allow the luxury of the shallow churchianity that is so prevalent in the Anglosphere. This means travel to places like Eastern and Southern Asia, Africa, and parts of Latin America – places on no one’s lust of ideal tourist destinations. However, God doesn’t concentrate His children in earthly paradises.
Will such a quest for a wife be easy? Of course not. But what better way to show one’s devotion to the goal of forming a truly Godly family than going the extra mile to make it happen, The Lord rewards those who seek his blessings.
I pray that this young man is blessed soon!
My aunt was who I obtained counsel from. Then, she began to have problems in her marriage and I had to make the tough decision to distance myself and find an older woman to guide me. Guess what? I found your blog and that is how I know the power of God is so real if we will pursue and seek his word. We are newlyweds so I think if I let her poison my marriage early on I would be doomed, and I wasn’t wrong.
Gabrielle – I’m genuinely curious how you can teach women how to be a wife and mother if you are neither? How can you teach something you haven’t lived?
The Bible instructs the older women (happily married, raised a family, managed a large, happy home) to teach the younger women. You have to have actually done this, and done it well, to be able to teach it. If you haven’t lived it, you have no idea how to teach it.
That’s why I love learning from Lori. She’s done it and can teach from experience.
I don’t understand this, either.
My husband and I met through church and 99% of our young people find marriage through the church. In our little Sunday morning fellowship, one young man met his wife in Canada (same church).
Why are most churches failing in this? It’s so important. God’s plan is that we get married and raise children to love Him.
Mormons do a much better job at this than Christians do. They have many gatherings of the young people for them to mingle and meet each other.
Lori Alexander, match maker extraordinaire!??
May God ,the ultimate match maker answer this man’s prayers. And soon!
The sad truth is getting to know someone on the internet is truly a gamble. A friend of mine did so and the female lied about everything, even fooling her friends at her church. Turns out she merely wanted out of a horrible situation she created for herself, huge debt and a sincere christian she could draw into her web of lies, get what she wanted, then set about destroying and slandering him with the help of the feminist abuse cult.
I feel sorry for any believing man who is trying to find a Titus 2/Proverbs 31 faithful woman in today’s culture. Thank you for your ministry.
It seems to be the best way. I’m not Mormon and don’t know much about the Mormon faith, but it makes sense for there to be gatherings for young people to meet. How else are we to find good partners who share the same beliefs we do?
Obviously this wouldn’t work for many Christians, but the Catholics (like the Mormons) have this part done right. They have young adult speaking seminars, colleges for young adults, Catholic high school dances, “Theology on Tap” where Catholic singles can meet at bars to discuss theology, etc. There is no shortage of Catholics finding like-minded Catholics to marry. Perhaps churches need to take a page out of their book in this respect.
I think it has to do with having a larger universal community & church hierarchy. There’s more resources and a wider following, similar to the Mormons.
Amen—Best comment of the entire feed!!!
All I can say is this. Nearing 38 in a few months with a HUGE desire for marriage and family….DO NOT settle than God’s ABSOLUTE best!! She is out there! Pray for her and pray about her! Read God’s Gift to Women by Eric Ludy. Immerse yourself in God’s word. Develop your faith and character. Live your life for Christ! You are YOUNG. Cry out to the Lord. Seek to get to know some women in church, bible study, group settings, friends. Watch their character. Imagine her walking into your life at any moment. Is there anything she would be hurt by what she sees? Serve the Lord. Seek Him above ALL else. Do NOT stop praying. Wait. Ask for God’s help in waiting. Patience. TRUST the Lord to bring the right woman into your life! Deuteronomy 31:8
True. Totally agree with you!
Young men, find someone overseas indeed.
Feminism has brainwashed everybody here. It’s a lost cause.
Look, I’m in my early 40s, a reformed Presbyterian believer. An immigrant to the US for several years. I was married to an American Christian woman once. I got cheated and divorced, I wasn’t always a good husband, but I never wanted divorce.
I experienced the evil of the family court system, of useless lawyers, who profit from family destruction – and I lost. I lost my children. Haven’t seen them in some years. I lost friends, who don’t invite me no more. American women reject me for being divorced. I’m not profitable for them.
I was a happy believer once, but after experiencing feminism, and how the church, men, and government uphelds it, it sickened my soul to bitterness.
let my story sink in your conscience single men. You marry a western woman at your own peril, don’t be me! Move out of this sinking boat if you can. Don’t bring her here or your wife will be corrupted by our pro feminist society.
In case it is not sufficiently clear, my question is initially purely rhetorical.
I feel compelled to give my thoughts on this. I see nothing in scripture that closes the door to university education to women. Your daughter may need to provide for herself while waiting on the one who God has already chosen for her. Also, while not the only way to learn skills, many of the lessons will help her be a better wife, mother, and homemaker. My wife manages our home with amazing skill, having an understanding of economics that began in high school but was enhanced in college. She can relate to the challenges our children have as they are in college because she has been there. She has been a SAHM for nearly three decades, but what was learned in college continues to be used by God.
These seem like faithless comments. How is something a lost cause where the Lord is involved? Do you not think He is capable of providing a godly wife for this man no matter what country he is in? Your soul does truly seem embittered, as you say. The bible warns against this in Hebrews 12:15, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled”. We should be very careful and prayerful about the advice we proffer, and search our hearts about where it comes from prior to sharing.
I pray the young man reading through these comments is wise enough to discern what is truly godly advice, and what is not. Being familiar with God’s word is key, and thankfully he seems like he is already on the right path with that. And please, young man, do not let your faith be shaken in His love for you – do not give up hope, as some would lead you to do. God is able to raise children of Abraham from stones, so finding you a godly wife in America or outside of it is certainly not a difficult task for Him – only have faith, and trust in God’s timing!!!! God bless you.
I agree with your plan. Our daughter is graduating in the spring and we are visiting Christian colleges. She is seeking a degree in an education field, and is already considering a minor that could allow for in-home work if God blesses her with a family (only if her husband would support it). Her end goal is marriage & family, but we believe that an appropriate next step is college or trade school until the Lord provides a husband. Sadly, some of the comments on this post are not an encouragement for young, single Christians, and an affirmation of her plan. Attending Christian college (with no or minimal debt) will provide an opportunity to be surrounded by like-minded young adults-she may possibly meet her future husband while attending.
The problems with universities these days are the huge amount of debt that women are coming out of them with which causes them to put off having children and when they have children, they can’t be home full time with their children because they have to work to pay off their debt. I know too many young mothers in this very situation. Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me.
You say that you are almost 38 and strongly advise to “DO NOT settle than God’s ABSOLUTE best!!” This is a common mantra of the old maids and soon to become old maids out there.
Age is not as big problem for men as their peak SMV is age 34-38 but a woman’s peak SMV is age 18-26.
To make this problem worse, statistics show that 80% of the women only consider 20% of the men “good enough” to marry. A simple understanding of math will tell you that this is not a workable situation.
Here is some tough love for you sister. You are already 38 years old. Not only did your peak looks began to decline over a decade ago, your fertility is rapidly dropping every cycle that you have. By the time you reach 40, your chances of conceiving in any given cycle is less than 10%.
The vast majority of women out there have their sights and standards set WAAAY too high and they are going to grow old and die alone waiting for “God’s ABSOLUTE best”.
Christian women should be looking for a Christian man who loves and lives for Jesus and has a good job and financial prospects for the future. Those should be virtually the only priorities for her or she is likely to end up alone.
Women need to understand that love is a choice, not a feeling.
You’re right about that. There is no perfect man (or woman) out there. All marriages will have struggles and trials but it’s worth it!
Most aged women’s teaching is about as useful as an expired can of sardines. There is a serious lack of qualified women who teach what their supposed to, so I can see why she would want to teach, though I agree she shouldn’t.
I stumbled upon Lori through the controversy, and I’m thankful for her (I’ve learned a ton), but there are still many young women who don’t know of her, and have to learn the hard way. So, I wouldn’t be so hard on Gabrielle.
Mara – I never said she shouldn’t teach it, and I certainly wasn’t hard on her. I was simply asking how she does it if she has no experience of it?
I mean, I can’t ride a bike but I’ve taught all 4 of my kids to do it…
I’m genuinely hoping Gabrielle comes back and answers my question.
Your advice that “Christian women should be looking for a Christian man who loves and lives for Jesus and has a good job and financial prospects for the future. Those should be virtually the only priorities for her or she is likely to end up alone” is shortsighted in my opinion.
Those are obviously the “must haves” when looking for a husband, but would lead to a very unhappy marriage if they are the only things taken into account. Of course there is joy in following God’s plan for women, but wouldn’t you want your wife to find joy in also simply being with you because she genuinly admires, is attracted to you, and likes your company?
I would teach younger woman that they need to be sexually attracted to their husband, they should admire and respect him, they should enjoy his lifestyle, they should like his family, they should have some common interests, and they should share similar goals.
My husband and I both pray for our sons to have wives that genuinely adore them, in the same way that I genuinely adore my husband! Spurgeon takes about “mutual affection.” If you do not feel affection even when you are just dating, I do not think you should commit yourself to marriage. CS Lewis said love in marriage is a choice that binds us through unfavorable seasons, but that marriage comes about from the wonderful feeling of “falling in love.” If you never even “fell in love,” from the get-go, you are making the unemotional choice usually reserved just for making it through tough seasons in marriage, all the time! Yikes!
There is definitely a happy medium between having too high expectations/ too many “requirements” for a future spouse, and marrying the first man that comes around because they love Jesus and have a job. I don’t think God intended (and I don’t think there is scripture for this, in fact God wanted us to desire our husbands) marriage to be a self-inflicted punishment or hyperbolic martyrdom.
The way you wrote, “If you haven’t lived it, you have no idea how to teach it”, appeared like you didn’t want her to teach, and that you were upset that she was teaching. But it seems I misunderstood you. My bad.
I disagree slightly with this. I think you should be as upfront as possible. Beating around the bush gives too much room for misunderstandings on both parties. If he wants a a girl that has no college education, then he should just say so. If he is dead set on having a stay at home wife, he needs to just say “It is very important that my future wife stay at home with out children” especially if it’s something nonnegotiable. Will many girls run from him as soon as he says this? Absolutley! But that’s the whole point of dating, passing on the partners that would not be good matches. Please don’t waste your time nor hers by taking a couple months to barely show your true colors (and ideas).
Actually, love is a choice and has nothing to do with feelings. Read 1 Corinthians 13. Feelings will come and they will go. It’s not a great thing to base a decision upon a future spouse with feelings. Many women have been blinded by their feelings and have married bad men. It’s best to look at their qualities (is he a hard worker, does he love the Lord, does he come from a solid family), the way they treat people, meet their family and how does he get along with them, have him meet your family, and so on. These things will give a much better chance of having a solid marriage for many years. I didn’t “feel” in love when I married my husband almost 39 years ago but I knew he had the qualities in a husband that I wanted. (I probably wouldn’t have “felt” in love with any man. I was way too critical and controlling back then.) Thankfully, the Lord gave me the desires of my heart even when I was not living in obedience to him.
My husband and I met online.
catholicmatch.com is how we met. I tried CatholicMatch after every friend I had got engaged, got married, and I was the only one left. I was very reticent about the Internet and didn’t trust it. But I had no more friends left. They married and dropped me cold.
So I figured I had nothing to lose. And I found my husband.
Your feelings based approach is part and parcel to why many women are ending up in their late 30’s still single or marrying a man who they “thought” they loved (because he gave them the tingles) and then divorce him when their “feelings” changed.
You say that “I would teach younger woman that they need to be sexually attracted to their husband..”
Where do you find this in the Bible? Again, “feelings”.
You say “and marrying the first man that comes around because they love Jesus and have a job. I don’t think God intended (and I don’t think there is scripture for this…)”
If you look at the marriages that we see in the Bible, most were arraigned by the father (Isaac and Rebekah) or the man who found a women that HE was attracted to (Jacob and Rachel) and purchased her from her father. The women had very little (if anything) to say about the matter in most cases . Leah was snuck into the deal and married to Jacob without either having a say in the matter! Yes, Rebekah (who married Isaac) consented to being married but she did this without ever laying eyes on Isaac. No sexual attraction there.
I would say that in most cases that we see in the Bible, the women literally DID marry the first man that came along with the basic qualifications that her father approved of and in the majority of the cases, there is no evidence that her “feelings” or “sexual attraction” in the matter had anything to do with it.
Now in the case of Michal and David, it was Michal who was attracted to David and because of this Saul offer her to David but demanded a steep (and somewhat strange) brides price for her. But it was ultimately Davids choice whether or not to pay the price and take her as his wife. In fact, Saul’s older daughter Merab was first offered to David and he rejected her. There was something about Michal that persuaded David to risk his life to purchase her as his wife.
For centuries, much of Jewish marriage revolved around “matchmakers”. Fiddler on the Roof, “Matchmaker! Matchmaker! Make me a match!” This particular story aside (it’s a story mind you); where was the “love and attraction” in having someone make a match for you?
Love and marriage is NOT primarily about feelings and young girls need to stop watching the Disney princess movies and be taught real Biblical values about their created purpose.
Sure, the “happy medium” scenario that you spoke of above would certainly be ideal, but honestly the decisions should be made 90% on objective facts and with absolute minimal feelings involved. Decisions based on feelings are seldom the best choice.
Most women today will only give a second look to a guy who is over 6-ft. tall with 6-pack abs. If he doesn’t give her the “tingles” then he is clearly not “God’s ABSOLUTE best” for her. If they do get the “tingles”, THEN they wonder if he is a Christian with a good work ethic. Are those the right priorities?
Are there really enough of these guys to go around? No! Just men over 6-ft. tall constitute less than 20% of (American) men, when you add the other physical stuff in there the number probably gets down into single digits so who are the other 70+% of girls going to find to marry them?
Women need to be taught that marriage is about commitment and that love is a verb… it’s a choice. They need to be more concerned with living out their God given purpose than prioritizing their “feelings” over everything else.
The fact that you would describe “marriage to be a self-inflicted punishment” on a girl who had to marry a man who didn’t give her the tingles just shows the misplaced priorities that modern Western women have regarding marriage. It’s all about their happiness and their feelings and very little about God, His plan and His purpose.
Gabrielle, I’d love to check out your YouTube channel! Can you link it for me?
I think you are looking at this through a mans eyes. Women don’t need a man to have a six pack to find them sexually attractive. I am speaking on facts, and speaking practically. When you are going to be having sexual intimacy with a man for the rest of your life, you should find him sexually attractive. A Christian woman cannot pray herself into feeling sexually aroused — she is to desire her husband! “Tingles” is not the right word — it is more: does this man appear masculine to me? Do I gravitate towards his presence? Do I find him pleasing to look at? Does he stir a desire in me to have him be the father of my children? Perhaps because you are a man you assume that means a six pack. That is not the case at all. Chemistry is not purely physical, and you might be surprised to find what women find makes a man attractive to her — maybe it’s gestures, a smile, the way he speaks with confidence, the way he describes his love for Christ, etc.
If you read my post, I do believe love is a choice! It is a verb! But a marriage based only on choice, and no true affection, would be an unhappy marriage. Choice is what keeps us married through the “hard times.” When you are dating someone, you are not yet married. You do not have to force yourself to choose love through hard times! A man you are dating shouldn’t give you pause that you just choose to love through. We are also not living under the old Law and cannot look to Jewish matchmakers as guides for Christian courtship.
I never used the word tingles at all. Sexual attraction, compatible families and lifestyles, common goals and interests, respect and admiration, and finding someone’s companionship comfortable and pleasing cannot be boiled down to “tingles.”
Amen! What a God-fearing and honoring man. I pray that he finds a woman that will honor and obey him (unlike many wives in this day and age, sadly.) God calls us as women to be seen and not heard, and be godly wives and mothers.
What happens when he is no more sexually attractive to her? Godly women are “sexually attracted” to their husbands, not due to how they appear, but because they have decided to love and fully accept the man that they married. They have decided to obey God by not depriving their husbands sexually. It all comes down to way more than feelings of any kind but a choice to love and do what is best for one’s husband.
He never said he wants a girl with no college education. Read the post again!
Lori, I fully agree with your prior posts and current thinking that women should be help meets – as God has instructed – and that men prefer debt free virgins without tattoos 🙂
It is our intent that our daughter will graduate without debt – otherwise a different path would have been pursued – and we have encouraged our children to all stay out of debt. It is definitely a ball and chain and impacts many young couples from SAHM-hood who don’t consider this in time! New house and new cars with car payments, etc? Or stay at home and raise your children and intentionally remove yourself from the keeping up with the Joneses game? Friends, choose the latter! My heart grieves for young God -fearing people today, for there are so many obstacles in their way of finding each other and not getting caught up in today’s hook up culture. Not to mention schemes of Satan and people of this world attacking everything they try to do if they do actually meet and try to raise a Godly traditional family and keep their marriage ties tight!
TM, Lori’s comment about debt is valid. No woman should be bringing debt to a marriage. We are trying, like you, to prepare our daughter for adult life, while at the same time not saddling her with a bunch of debt.
But in response to your post, I can also tell you from experience of visiting many many colleges and hearing direct from my daughter and various friends that college campuses are infected, like the most invasive cancer, with liberal professors aimed at removing/discrediting ALL you have carefully taught your children for 18 years. DO NOT be deceived, like we were, that “Christian” colleges are in fact Christian anymore. If a student is required to take classes that are unrelated to a given major, that is a hint. And almost every college has at least one full year, sometimes almost 2 years, of unrelated-to-their-major classes. Beware and prepare your child for this Potential (at best) or certain (at worst) exposure. The alternative? Keep your child at home and avoid a degree. 🙁
Lori, when you no longer find him attractive, you will have already taken your marriage vows and will be choosing to love and honor your husband. You will be sexually intimate with him because it is in your vows and part of marriage.
This scenario is for women who are looking for a future spouse. You do not have to choose to love any man who shows interest in you and asks for a first date.
hang in there. A couple at our church is around 40, just got married last fall. They just celebrated their first wedding anniversary. And they testified how grateful that they are to God for bringing them such Godly spouses. They didn’t want to have to wait that long & they waited for Gods best.
As far as being able to have children, statistics are human knowledge, not God’s. pray and he can make it all happen. my mom had my little sister in her 40’s. just the way it happened. she wanted her closer to me and my brother it just didnt work till she was that age. her and my dad had 37 years of marriage before he was killed in 2018. :(. So I guess that was Gods way of my mom not being alone right now after dads accident. She is old enough to be married now, & she so badly wants a God fearing Christian man, they are just not readily available right now.
Pray for Gods best, we all know men want certain things out of women, we can have in a husband as well.
We set our standards high ( or rather I did) because we don’t want to end up with a husband that drinks, smokes, drugs, gambles, beat us & our children, cheats, porn, you name it. Just because a man (or woman) goes to church does not mean that they serve God. There was a man of Baptist faith who was no longer married to his wife & he decided he wanted me instead. I had to tell him no, please go away & go tell my Dad☹. He knew my Dad, so he assumed my dad would be ok with me being with an old, separated,/divorced man. My family is of the Pentecostal Faith (or Church of God & Assemblies of God) so the standards our parents sent for us became our standards as we got older. We believe in the Holy Ghost, sanctification, speaking in tongues, prophesying, healing, letting God have his way in our church. . We don’t believe in “social drinking”, going to ballgames, celebrating certain Halloween, telling children Santa clause etc exist. So simply attending church wasn’t going to cut it for us to have our parents blessing I was fortunate & got married when I was 25. My sister is still waiting. That’s my family. Not knocking your faith or beliefs. We are just stricter & believe some of the stuff is worldly & Christians shouldn’t partake in. Hence, other faiths that believe in doing these events & social drinking, lottery tickets etc. would not have been welcome in the family. We would have been told not to marry that person. That goes for the girls & boys. That being said, if the person would change to our faith, then we could marry them, that has happened too.
The women in my family have kids in their 40’s. its not because they chose a career or anything, they got married in their 20s and 30’s . and had their kids in their 30’s and 40s. it happens at different ages for different people. My moms mom had her oldest at 19 and her youngest at 45. She was already a Grandma by the time my uncle was born. He is also very intelligent & healthy. My mom said grandad was very ill for a while, & couldn’t father any kids during that time. Or there might have been more kids in between that big gap. My mom had my sister in her early 40’s. They just never got pregnant to have her closer to me & my brother. And they don’t use any artificial drugs to prevent it or help get pregnant either. Statics and statics & God is God, he works miracles.
Well, I’m 33 & I get WAY more attention from men of ALL ages versus when I was younger. I will actually avoid going down some isles if its full of men to avoid some of the comments. I dress modestly as well, now its cold, im in a coat too. My husband says he cant help it im a hot woman & men look at me. I was always told in school men like the women with certain body parts certain sizes, etc. & slutty clothes. But he says no. Tons of men like small women. Im barely 95lbs. very small & get ATTENTION. Countless men over the years have told me & my husband that he is one lucky guy to have such a good looking, young looking wife with a good body. He says he knows he’s very lucky, & that’s why he waited for God to send him the right woman (we were 25 and 29 when married) . People ask how did we get so lucky to look this way & avoid drama? We say we serve God, find a spouse in church serving God, even if you have to go to a different township like I did to meet him. We don’t drink, smoke, etc, nor did we ever sleep around. We actually only dated each other to top it off. Gods Blessings all around.
PS. My hubbys is also 6ft. dark hair & dark eyes & muscles like I prayed to God for. Miracles to happen. 🙂
You said “We set our standards high ( or rather I did) because we don’t want to end up with a husband that drinks, smokes, drugs, gambles, beat us & our children, cheats, porn, you name it. Just because a man (or woman) goes to church does not mean that they serve God………………………………………… So simply attending church wasn’t going to cut it for us…”
I never said anything about a man who goes to church. I said “Christian women should be looking for a Christian man who loves and lives for Jesus and has a good job and financial prospects for the future.” These should be a girls main priorities, not if he is tall, dark and handsome.
It sounds like you got your dream man and I am happy for you but looking at your story, I am not surprised.
You apparently were making the most of what God gave you to work with if you only weigh 95 lbs..
You were available young (in the prime of your SMV) to be married and not wasting time in college, career, traveling the world “finding yourself” or any of the other nonsense that girls waste time doing these days.
You relied upon a blessing from your parents (probably mostly your father) and it all paid off for you.
You really kind of make my point for me and are an excellent example to other girls out there.
Lori – Did that young man find a nice lady through the many interested comments on here?
Despite the few discouraging comments from a couple of older bitter men, it’s obvious there are a great many young, single Christian women who would love a God-fearing husband.
If a match is made through here and you are able to give us an update, please do! It would be awesome to see God’s hand at work here.
I will give you an update if I get one!
Emily Joy – Thank you so much. That “plain Jane” is exactly what I’m looking for. I don’t want the “professional model” at all. God gave me a servant heart, so I enjoy helping behind the scenes. A young woman who simply serves where she can and where she is needed (community, nursery, food pantry, etc.). She doesn’t call attention to herself, yet her simple, Godly conduct speaks volumes.
I’ve actually met someone kind of like that. I first met her while helping after a church event. She was washing dishes. I’ve repeatedly seen her try to be helpful and even ask me if she could help when I was serving. I’ve also noticed times when she was serving and all the other ladies were just sittimg talking amongst themselves.
The only issue is that she just turned 17 and I’m 24. I’m pretty sure that’s a bit too much of an age difference, now. But, I’d love to get your view of that.
Rich – As far as my church, we have a fairly small group with few women near my age. My pastor and other men do what they can to offer guidance and I am grateful.
As far as marrying outside the faith, that isn’t something I’d do. I made a comment on a Christian blog site. The first requirement of any potential future wife is that she is a believer. She must also be bearing fruit and not just another fake Christian, simply in it when it’s easy.
Wow “d”, did you have to say that?
You put thoughts and motives to my person that aren’t true. Yes, I struggle with bitterness, but I don’t know you, and that’s not your business, to be frank with you. Do you really care about my bitterness, or just wanted to argue? What’s your problem?
You should have, instead, dealt with the subject at hand, instead of making a personal remark against me, which is what you subtly did. Would you have said what you said to me in person? I reckon not.
But, I tell you the following as if I was speaking to you in person right now. Feminism took my children away. Feminism destroyed the lives of tens of thousands of men and children across this nation. Many men committing suicide, and nobody cares, probably neither you.
I’ve seen it in countless cases doing my personal research. Yes, I struggled and struggle with bitterness after my eyes were opened to how wicked and spread feminism has become. I absolutely detest feminism, I don’t make apologies. It’s satanic, and it’s been used as a weapon to destroy the church.
You seem to not struggle with bitterness or sin maybe? I’m happy for you.
Now, back to the topic.
My points, such as the points originally from feerike, are valid. America, and first world nations have become paradise of feminists. Percentage wise there are more feminist women in our churches than godly ones. Agree or disagree? If you disagree, please explain why.
A Christian man will have to look outside of his environment to find a wife, and nowadays the situation it’s so bad men are looking overseas.
The situation has become such dire, that uses of grace, such as looking overseas for a wife, are a good thing, and should be pursued, specially if all other attempts at finding a bride locally have failed.
Have you never pursued a job out of state? Or out of country? When the job situation is bad, you have to look outside. It’s even common sense.
How many times in the Bible parents, or children had to seek for a wife outside their land because women were idolatrous?
God uses means, “D”. Seeking a wife overseas because the local girls are liberals, is a very good option, maybe the only option.
Lastly, if this young man is reading this. You do what you have to do given your situation. Pray, and move with faith.
I don’t believe 17 is too young to begin pursuing her. There are women in the chat room who married at 17 and 18 years old and have had many happily married years. I would have loved marrying right out of high school since all I wanted to be was a wife and mother. I see no harm in pursuing her a bit and if she has a servant heart, that’s a huge bonus!
Are people legally allowed to get married nowadays when you are 17? A girl my senior year wanted to get married her parents told her no, so for us it was 18 legal & she turned 18 in September got married in October, moved out of her parents house, finished high school & started her married life.
This 17 year old is one lucky girl if a 24 year old guy in going to marry, provide for & take care of her. when I was 17 i was too shy to even talk to some older than me. My parent s would have also made me wait till I was 20 to get married, they would have wanted to pray, watch & observe if he was what he said he was. Good luck & Gods Blessings to these young ones.
I just met a young woman at church who was married at 16 years old with her parent’s full approval!
17 and 24 is fine, I think. You can wait a bit before getting married if her family would prefer it, but that is not too big of an age gap.
I was 19 and my future husband had just turned 29 when we started dating, and we were married when I was 20.
Wishing you all the best if you do decide to pursue this.
If you can provide and fulfill your biblical role and you can get her father’s consent/blessing than go for it. The age difference isn’t that bad and if both of you guys are really living for the Lord it would be a blessing :).
“D” and some of the other women commenters here are simply proving our point. You’ve probably also noticed that whenever an inconvenient truth is pointed out, one that makes them uncomfortable, “hurts their feelings,” or leaves them at a loss for either a logical explanation or a valid justification of said unpalatable truth, they immediately default to the “bitter,” “hateful,” “abusive,” or similar labels. You shouldn’t take it personally or let it bother you in any way at all; its just how they’re hardwired.
All of that said, I’m sorry to hear of your pain and suffering at the hands of one of this country’s “Daughters of the King” (you’re one of the very rare foreign men I’ve encountered who was brave enough to swim in such shark-infested waters). I’ve been in your shoes, brother, and it’s enough to make a man want to cut his own feet off to avoid ever having to risk treading such a path again. The good news, however, is that you WILL heal, you WILL move forward, and you WILL be loved by the Lord, the only love in this world that ultimately matters. I pray that He brings you lasting peace and healing.
I agree with you, KAK. A single woman is not in a position to teach on marriage and mothering if she’s done neither yet. However, she sounds like a woman of God, and will be a wonderful wife and mother when the Lord provides.
Perhaps her channel is geared towards observations and preparing for these roles. We should check out her channel and be an encouragement to her in her time of waiting.
I recently read an article expressing the importance of seeking advice from parents who have raised children, not primarily from others in our current parenting stage. Blogs, YouTube channels, and articles are plentiful by “experts”. 😉
While we can certainly learn ideas from our peers, I’m going with the counsel-seeking parents with grown children who are walking with the Lord and asking advice or for ideas.
We’re blessed by Lori’s ministry, for sure, and the Bible is the most crucial teaching tool we have.
Thanks, I try to be an example to the younger girls, but they don’t listen. The last one I talked to told me how cute my baby is & she wants one, I asked her if she was married and her age & she said not married & 16. And she was trying to have a baby, I told her very bad idea, wait till marriage, like I did for sex & baby & she said “those stories are cute when we hear them, but my situation is different” I’m so thankful for my moms and grandmas teachings, so I didn’t end up like that.
I was also very blessed to have a full ride scholarship for business school for an associates degree. I was able to save money & combine with my hubby(he also stayed with his mom till marriage) to pay cash for our first house.
I agree. I think there’s a very important reason why God commands the “aged women” to teach the young women. They are the ones with the wisdom and experience. And yes, seek out older women who have raised godly children for advice!
+ Amanda Swart – can you post a link to your Facebook page?
Though, I’m not Baptist (just non-denominational). I believe the Bible and am born again to new life though my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I let Scripture determine my theology and beliefs, rather than the other way around.
I don’t bother with denominations. I simply ask if you have a saving faith in Jesus and if you are truly seeking to be obedient to his Word, the Bible.
+ D – thank you, D. While I do have plenty of room to grow, I think the Lord has given me wisdom enough to discern the Godly advice from the not so Godly. That’s actually one of my gifts: discernment and service. I rarely just go with the crowd, and love to question even small details. That’s how I’ve gotten so far away from the modern feminist culture of our day.
As far as a Godly wife, I know what I’m looking for and won’t settle. I don’t need perfection, but I do have a few essentials that she must meet: relationship with Jesus, bearing good spiritual fruit, traditional (not feminist). Also, part of that fruit is to have a strong servant’s heart.
Hello, my name is Nicolas. I came here to see how Christian women are supposed to behave based only on the bible, not filtered through any nonsense feminism. I am considering marrying a wonderful woman, but she doesn’t want to have biological children. Is adoption compliant with the Word of the Lord? And what if she doesn’t want to have kids at all? Thank you so much in advance for your advice.
+Marie – if you don’t mine me asking, where are living? I’m in San Antonio, TX.
+Dana Buttorff – I don’t suppose y’all live anywhere near San Antonio, TX?
+ Anon – I don’t suppose y’all live anywhere near San Antonio, TX?
+Kevin – The honorable thing for me is to go to her father. However, her father isn’t a believer. Though, her mother is a strong believer.
I don’t suppose you live anywhere near San Antonio, TX?
I wouldn’t recommend marrying a woman who didn’t want biological children, Nicolas. This should be part of a marriage, the two becoming one flesh and creating life out of this. God told us to be fruitful and multiply and He has never changed His mind. Yes, you can certainly adopt but I don’t see preventing biological children on purpose as a part of His plan.
This makes me question how much of a godly women she is, not saying she can’t be a biblical woman but not having a strong father leading the family is huge. God bless brother.
I would suggest if he’s dating a woman whose pursuing a college degree/has a degree (which is unfortunately a huge percentage of young ladies these days) than to subtly talk about student loans…. I myself have a bachelors but it was paid for partially by scholarships and the rest by my parents. All glory to God! I find many of my girlfriends would love to be a stay at home mom but can not due to huge college loan debts. My son was born two weeks after I graduated and I started a masters program within a year. I was miserable and decided within the first month I just wanted to be home with my child. Even though I was formulate enough to have a loving mother who was caring for him while I was off at school or work, I wanted to be the one raising him! It tore my heart apart that I was missing so much time with him and my husband and I were both super stressed trying to do t all. I was constantly upset with my husband for not picking up all of my slack at home because I was hardly ever there to do it myself. But my husband also had a demanding job in finance and was coming home late and tired every day. It was a recipe for disaster! It didn’t come as a surprise to me when my husband was super supportive of me coming home full time! Since I didn’t have any debt, I was able to leave school and my part time waitressing job (I was 21 years old) without too much financial pressure added to my husband. We lived in a sweet little 900 square foot house and I was more than happy with a simple lifestyle if it meant I could be home and that all of the extra stress I was putting on myself and my husband would be lifted off of both of us. I just wanted to be with my husband and our family and that’s all that mattered to me. I didn’t mind driving around a cheaper car as long as it was safe, was always more than happy with my wardrobe and do not enjoy shopping, I don’t always have to have new things unless we need it. I had to deeply apologize to my husband for all of the nagging I did towards him before coming home full time. As soon as we made that decision I decided that all of the cleaning and cooking was officially my job and that I wanted our home to be a haven for him to come home to. Boy I can’t even describe the wonderful effect it had on our little home and family! Praise be to God! Eventually we started fostering and adopted and when the kids were school aged I started homeschooling with my husbands full support and approval. I absolutely, hands down love our lifestyle. But it wasn’t without backlash from well meaning friends and family and sacrifice financially. Everyone thought we were crazy for the decisions we made and it would take two young people who are rooted in faith and courageous and don’t mind swimming against the current to pursue this lifestyle. But it is SO worth it, I can’t say that enough! Now I listen with sadness to my young female family members and friends who are stressed to the max trying to be Wonder Woman and do it all because I was right here with them only 6 years ago. With Gods grace my family was spared from the rat race. Some of these women would love to be home and can’t due to loans and some are so indoctrinated to the idea that women must work outside of the home with some huge career to have purpose and feel validated. It’s simply not true but unfortunately many, many women fall into this trap. Growing up I was always the kid who wasn’t in the least effected by peer pressure and I didn’t mind having a unique path. I would recommend to this guy to find a girl who first loves Jesus, who is weekly involved in church and daily in the Word, second, she genuinely loves children and wants to be a mother (he can find this out casually by asking if she wants a family and if her dream is to continue working or stay home with them), third, is she influenced by others around her (feel like she has to measure up to others standards) or is she confident and determined to pursue a life that is pleasing to God despite others “dirty looks” so to speak. I pursued an education related degree (speech pathology) and planned to work with kids so this could possibly be an insight to her heart for children. I know many school teachers who desperately wanted to be home with their kids and are now homeschooling. Of course this isn’t to say other career choices wouldn’t want this lifestyle but only that the girl pursing a career with children might be a good sign. Also, look for a girl who is not materialistic this should be easy to spot! How does she dress (looking for modesty here), does she talk a lot about shopping or having expensive things…? etc. And you’ll want someone whose not afraid to stand up for their values (Christian values). Are there any churches in his area that are known to have a lot of homeschooling families? Once I started homeschooling I found that there were actually several churches in my area that had many homeschooling families in them. I find a lot of homeschoolers raise girls who want this lifestyle. Now I’m not saying this is a hard and fast rule of course but if mom made motherhood and stay at home wife life look good and joyful and appealing, her little girls are more likely to want that lifestyle too. So a church with lots of homeschoolers may produce some good fruit for this guy. My only daughter is only three but I often wonder if my children (boys and girls) will struggle finding partners who support this lifestyle. Which is why I felt compelled to share my experiences with him as I’ve only recently gone through some of this myself. My heart goes out to him and I’m hoping through Gods wonderful grace he finds the helpmeet he’s looking for!
I’d also like to add to my earlier post that you could ask her what authors, bloggers, or vloggers she enjoys listening to. Make a mental note of a couple names and check them out to find who is influencing her and what kind of stuff she’s naturally attracted to. For example, I have been reading this blog for years and years, I also listen to YouTube vlogs by Jane Farrer and John MacArthur while cleaning or cooking, and I also really enjoy gigisphotography blog. I was raised in a very feminist home and needed help. I was very attracted to blogs, books, vlogs from women/men advocating that biblical womanhood was being a keeper at home and was encouraged spiritually to find purpose and joy in being a keeper at home! I sought out these kinds of influences to help me. But there are equally, if not more, Christian teachers who are preaching the absolute opposite to this. So it would be helpful to know what’s influencing a girl’s thoughts I would think! One could even recommend some of these bloggers… if a girl is really into you she’ll check them out… and then follow up and ask what she thought about them. That could give you a lot of insight as well! Hope this helps ?
Believer it or not, going to her father is still the right thing to do.
A young woman who does not want biological children is a HUGE RED FLAG on many levels.
Walk away! Let her go and keep looking.
If you’re willing, shoot me an e-mail.
Jonathan, my heart sprang when I read your response here – for what it’s worth I definitely agree with others that 17 is not too young, as your intentions are pure. As you already seem aware, but I say to emphasize, God’s timing will reveal the path to you so long as you keep your feet on it. Stay in His
Word, and God continue to bless you!
Honey, I’m sorry to say we don’t. We are midwesterners.
Any advice for virgin debt-free tattoo less women 30+ still looking for marriage? I’m 38 and have tried online dating, praying (years and years!) talked to guys at church and work that I was interested in, dated within and outside the US, and nothing’s worked. It seems the guys I’ve liked say they just want to be friends after we’ve been out together for a few months, and other times they’re not interested. They’ve all been Christian men with good morals. At this point, I wonder if it’s time I gave up hope for a traditional Christian marriage. I’ve heard my odds can improve if I’m open to marrying outside Christianity.
Thank you for the encouragement feeriker. I’m glad you healed brother.
I think they get hurt because there may be some patriotism or pride in their “girls”.
I don’t know. But I do know based on reading US history, that the majority of American women of old, including some unbelieving women, were far more femenine than they are today – if we compare apples to apples. Such good role women are a tiny minority these days in America.
That a 1930s unbeliever American woman, regardless of her rebellion against God, still had more femenine traits than a professing Christian woman of the 21st century, it’s reason for concern for a Christian man looking for a wife.
Thanks brother. I had a reply, but I think I deleted by mistake.
I’m glad tge Lord heaked you, and I look forward also to a full restoration.
What’s her reasoning behind not wanting biological children? There could be a valid reason (like birth defects run in the family or she has a medical condition) that would be worth working through, is she really is a godly woman. If it’s a pure vanity thing (she doesn’t want to “put her body through that” i.e. pregnancy and childbirth) she would do well to do research on natural birth (Pushed by Jennifer Block is a must read) to show her she has many options and childbirth isn’t fraught with danger like Hollywood would have us all believe.
Just an angle to consider!
My sister in law plans to adopt with her husband one day. As I understand, it’s not impossible for her to have children (though obviously nothing is impossible with God) but she has some medical conditions that make it extremely unlikely she’ll get pregnant.
No! Stay strong sister. If you’re truly a godly women there are guys out there. I have a friend who didn’t marry till 40. Being a virgin who is debt free is great! Major plus, your guy could be just around the corner just keep hope and make sure you’re being seen by guys. Good christian guys are out there just be patient.
Hi Johnathan! I actually live in Canada (a fact I’ve never actually mentioned on this site before) but I appreciate you even asking and I hope you find a good wife soon as you sound like you’d make a good husband!
I’ve skimmed through several of the comments. Not sure if anyone’s shared a similar testimony to mine, but hopefully it can be an encouragement for you. Sorry if it’s long. 😉 My husband and I met on Christian Mingle 7 years ago when I was 23. We’ll have been married 6 years this January, and have been blessed with 3 precious little boys so far. My husband was the first man I dated. In high school, my sister and I both prayed that God would save us from dating any men before our husbands, and He did. The day after I opened the Christian Mingle account, my husband logged on for “one last time” before deleting his profile. He saw my profile and sent me a message. The moment I saw my husband’s picture on Christian Mingle, I KNEW he was the man I was supposed to marry. It was surreal. And I had had many opportunities to date other men before him but turned them down.
My parents insisted I attend college after high school, so I earned a degree in piano performance because I received a full-ride scholarship for music. After graduation I worked as a secretary at a local church and taught prek-8th grade music at a Christian school. But really, I was in a place of waiting for my husband.
We met online 9 months after graduation, were engaged 4 months later, and married 6 months after our engagement. We were pregnant with our firstborn less than 8 months after our wedding.
It has been such a wild ride, but God’s provision has been there every step of the way. Looking back, we can clearly see how God was preparing us for each other. If we had met even 6 months earlier, I doubt we would have even dated.
I am so, SO blessed to be my husband’s help meet and offer up thanksgiving to God everyday that I married a godly, hard-working man who has given me the gift of staying home to raise our children. The longer we’re married, the more joy I find in obeying my husband, and the more we grow in the Lord together.
We are a bit of a conundrum to our families because both sides are decidedly more worldly and feminist than us. Both of our mothers had careers and sent us to public school. My father is a pastor in a liberal church that reads from the Message “translation” and ordains female and homosexual “ministers.” Imagine our family’s disbelief when my husband recently suggested I adopt headcoverings and abandon wearing pants, and I joyfully obeyed!
This is not how we were raised, but in giving our hearts fully to Jesus, this is where He has led us. And I can’t wait to see where He leads our family in the future.
There ARE godly, single women out there. And their souls are yearning to find a godly mate. Marriage is not about finding the perfect mate. It is about two sinners making it work through the grace and mercy of our Lord. Be careful not to set your expectations of your future wife unrealistically high. Remember that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.
My suggestion for you in your time of waiting would be to yes, seek out a mate, but more importantly, seek out God and His will for you. Spend as much time as you can praying, reading scripture, listening to sermons, reading solid, godly books, and seeking counsel from older men of faith. (This all becomes much harder when you have a family.) And when you do find your wife, you can be the best possible husband for her and a godly father for your future children.
God bless you in your search for a wife.
Sue, as Kevin said, don’t do it!
You will regret it. Marrying an unbeliever, and be under submission to him, it will be more discouraging for your soul later in life, besides being unequally yoked.
Deep down you know you don’t want this, you said that because you are discouraged. Which is totally understandable.
It seems you tried all venues as you said. But, have you tried sovereigngracesingles.com? It’s a site for reformed believers, but if you love the Lord, there may be men interested in you!
Just last couple weeks there was a single, professional man commenting on the dating site’s forum, on the lack of virgin, non career oriented women. He could be interested in you!
I highly recommend you to check this site. It’s not free, and not as fancy or functional as the more expensive dating sites, but there are more quality men there. And if these minor problems are not an issue for you, why don’t you give it a try?
Another site to try out is christiancafe.com. They give you a 7 day fully functional trial ( you can send or receive messages for free, during the trial).
If you tried these sites already. Maybe Lori can help here? 😉
Kate – My husband and I got betrothed pre-“tingles.”
I actually wrote about how that felt in case you are interested.
The criteria for marrying a man, “romantic compatibility” and other vague deal-breakers being touted these days must be very discouraging to suitors.
I’m also praying for a godly man from the Lord. I’m 25 and still single. I studied Chemical engineering from Asia but I’m willing to stay at home to serve my future husband and my future children. I surrender everything to God’s will. I know His ways are perfect that’s why I will patiently wait for the right man for me, a man who can lead me well with God’s Word and has the fear of God. I’m also learning so much in being submissive and obedient and I know how to be content and thankful in whatever season God puts me in. Thanks to God for using The Transformed Wife as a part of training me to be a wife and a mother someday..
I may be a tad bit too late, but better late than never :). I find myself in a very similar situation of wanting to ”settle down”, a term I don’t particularly love because that implies you’ve got to things to do before, I truly believe life starts, the beauty of life, starts with marriage and having children, there are things that of course happen before and some people want to wait (nothing wrong with that) I just never had wanted to settle down. I would love a chance to speak with you if you’re still single! My email is firstname.lastname@example.org