A guest post by a black woman who wishes to be anonymous. May you be blessed. I know I sure was!
I want to be strong, but in the counterculture way of having a meek and quiet spirit. The world tells us that a ‘good’ Black women is one who essentially acts like a man and I am taking a stand against that lie! How can we expect have strong marriage and be a wife if we aren’t even acting like a woman! If we, as Black women, started acting more like Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton instead of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj, we would truly be treated as the royalty we really are and not settle for cheap counterfeits.
As a 24 year old black female, Mrs. Lori Alexander’s blog has been such an oasis of hope to me. I thrive from reading her marriage posts. I’ve studied her book like it was my homework, and I pretty much digested all of her first blog, Always Learning. I also have a journal full of notes I have taken while reading The Transformed Wife. But I have to admit, sometimes reading her blog feels like a guilty pleasure, or like I’m doing something wrong. Why do I feel this way? Well, God used Lori’s ministry to fuel my dream. A dream I never knew I had but a dream I sometimes feel embarrassed to have since the world would tell me black girls can’t have that dream.
What dream is that? To be a housewife! (cue thunder sounds, screams and dun dun dun dramatic sound effect lol) Let me share more of my story to explain.
I have always been an overachiever and I thank God for every opportunity I have had. I was a popular cheerleader who was a leader in her high school. I attended my dream university, The University of Texas at Austin, on over $60,000 worth of academic scholarships. I’ve studied abroad for a summer in Hong Kong at 19 years old. I was a star in a play at UT (acting was my passion). I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Radio-Television-Film in three years at 21. I’ve done mission work in Argentina and Honduras and I was part of a feature documentary film. All these things the world and other Christians praised me for.
I am so grateful for all these opportunities and I praise Jesus for them but after I graduated I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me to live back at home with my parents and serve them. I was so embarrassed to move back home! What would people think of me? I’m suppose to be in Hollywood writing movies! I graduated from one of the top universities in the world; people would think I’m a failure. Even though these thoughts came to my mind I’m so glad I yielded to Jesus. It’s been over three years since I’ve started this journey with Jesus preparing me to be a wife and it has been glorious.
I’ve been able to serve my parent’s church. I’ve used my writing skills to start a blog. I have a YouTube Channel. I’ve had the opportunity to serve my mother who was sick and be with her at every doctor’s appointment. I was able to go to Hawaii with my grandmother who I adored with all my heart and who unexpectedly got diagnosed with stage four cancer February of this year and died this April.
With all my heart, I’m so grateful to Jesus I didn’t listen to the world and go chase money because I had the privilege to drive my grandmother to the grocery store, help her run errands, take her to the doctor, and love on her. Most of all, I was able to be with her during her last days of hospice care and always tell her how much I love her. God knew she was about to die even when I didn’t. I also got to feed the homeless with my mother at the park and my boyfriend and I have a love that is so pure and sweet because I’ve learned to treat him with the respect he deserves and, in turn, he showers me with love. I thank God I entered the graduate course of “How to be a Wife 101.”
When I started to dream small, others thought I was a failure, but I was making a world of change in the lives of my family members. I wanted to attend graduate school at UCLA, but God had other plans for me. I had no idea about respect and submission but I thank God that I have learned these principles these past three years.
It makes no sense to me that we can train for a job or go to college for years to prepare for a career, but we think we, as women, don’t need godly training on to how to be a wife. Would you trust a doctor who never went to medical school? Would you fly on a plane with a pilot who never attended aviation school? So it makes sense that we have so many wives crashing and burning in their marriages because they don’t even know their God-given role. I am so glad God has been training me. I will be able to avoid so many pitfalls just because of the knowledge of have. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6).
We often wonder why divorce is rampant and marriage seems like a sham, especially Christian marriages. Satan comes to women first to get to the man (the snake went to Eve first) so if women get in line with God’s plan, marriage would be revived. My role models used to be Victoria Secret models and Britney Spears, but now it is women like Lori Alexander and my mother. Talk about a “transformed mind”!
My dream now is to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I love that idea! But I know many people think I “threw my life away!” especially as a young black girl. A lot of people want me to make a lot of money and be famous. I’ve even had a lot of backlash from extended family. But I can respond with confidence and love now because I know they just don’t have the right teaching. I am not throwing my life away, I’m giving it to God! When I lost my life, I found it!
So many Black women know nothing about being submissive, pure, meek, gentle or kind because we are taught by society and even family to be loud, not to need a man, to be sexually promiscuous, and to take care of ourselves. These stereotypes we are conforming to are ruining families and children are suffering from it! That is the Jezebel spirit running rampant in our community and that is why our men are falling and there are single mothers everywhere.
Everyone is teaching us how to be Oprah but no one is teaching us how to be Ruth, Esther, or Sarah! A submissive wife changes generations! I’m am so blessed to have a boyfriend who supports me in every way and encourages any dream I have–but my ultimate dream after pleasing Jesus is to be his help meet and make his dreams come true and raise godly children! We are preparing for marriage but are waiting on God’s timing. I’ve learned that when I give my life to God, that’s when my true dreams come true! I’ve been all around the world but never have I had more joy than being right here at home!
To be honest, I used to look down on girls from my high school who got married young and had babies. I thought I was better than them because I was at college living the dream! Oh, how God hates pride! But God has a way of teaching us. Now I see how good they had it!
Lori’s teaching has made me a much better daughter, girlfriend, and future wife. I’m so much kinder, loving, and I serve God any way I can. I am so glad I left my dream behind of making it big in Hollywood and have a new dream of making Jesus famous in my life with my gentle and quiet spirit. For years, I was a cheerleader which taught me to always be sexy, popular, and attention-seeking from a young age so God is still renewing my heart. I prayed for God to make me sweet, that people will see the kindness of Jesus in me. Now wherever I go people tell me, “You are so sweet!”
Lori is such an inspiration to me. When I feel those desires of wanting to be sexy, hot, and famous, I come up and pray to God that he would give me a heart like Lori’s; that only seeks to please him! Lori gets a lot of hate from this world, even from Christians, but she is a true soldier in the Lord’s army and has many crowns awaiting her in Heaven. She has a boldness that we all should desire.
I don’t have to hide my dream of being a housewife anymore. This is a biblical desire and I can own my dream. Why is it people can tell me I can be anything I want but when I want what God wants for my life, to be a Titus 2 wife, then I receive backlash? I’m here to tell Black girls everywhere that you are still smart if you want to be a wife that obeys the Lord and serves your husband. Don’t feel belittled because they tell you only smart black girls are “doctors or engineers.” God’s way will change our Black men and will reverse the generational curse of destruction on the black race. Of course, this is for every race and every color but as a black girl I know how engraved it is in our mind to be trained like a Jezebel.
My mother and grandmother were strong Black women, but not because of their degrees, money, or any other thing the world defines as strong, but they were strong because they loved Jesus, loved their husbands, and loved their children more than anything and that’s what I strive for.
So thank you for reading my story. I give all Glory to God and I thank Ken and Lori Alexander for allowing God to use them to transform my life!
Jesus loves you all!
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2, 3