Marriage Kills Commitment?

Marriage Kills Commitment?

My friend, Carol, has been married for over 49 years. When asked what their secret is to keeping such a strong and happy marriage they reply, “God is first, then the spouse, the children, then ministry for her and work for him, then self in this order.” In contrast, many couples today prioritize their marriages as self is first, then work, children, spouse, and then maybe God at Christmas and Easter.

According to Goldie Hawn, who has been living with her partner Kurt Russell for 37 years, marriage kills commitment. “Marriage is an interesting sociological thing. If you need to be bound to someone, then it’s important to be married,” Hawn said while sitting front and center on the show’s panel. “If you have independence, if you have enough money and enough sense of independence and you like your independence, there is something psychological about not being married because it gives you the freedom to make decisions.” She also said if she had wed her partner of 37 years, Kurt Russell, she would been “long divorced” by now.

Did you marry your husband to be “bound” to him? If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you sure did. What Hollywood fails to realize is that marriage was created and defined by God and this will never change. A man and a woman will become one flesh until death do they part. This is God’s definition no matter how much our culture tries to redefine it. When you become one flesh with your husband, you are bound for life through good times and bad times, sickness and health, poverty and plenty. God is first in your marriage and then your spouse.

“Marriage does take away your independence.” Ms. Hawn is right about this. When you get married, you are your husband’s help meet and live in submission to his leadership. “Blech,” says the world, “that sounds miserable!” (Yes, they use much worse expletives towards this teaching.) Interestingly, she does understand marriage as being bound and losing independence but wants some of the benefits (sex, security, and children) without the commitment.

I can’t tell you how their “relationship” is working behind closed doors, but they’ve been together a long time. Now, others will think this must be the solution since there are so many divorces all around them. It’s not the answer. Living together as an unmarried couple or marrying knowing there is always the option to divorce aren’t any different. But if you are a child of the Most High, we are different.

Yes, we are bound to our husband. We have taken his name, bore his children if blessed with them, and are growing old together through good times and hard times. We have willingly given up our independence and the freedom to make many of our decisions without our husband’s input. This is the way God designed marriage and it is good. It’s a sacrifice and denying ourselves, but this is how a believer in Jesus Christ should live their entire lives; marriage is no different. Self is last with a believer, just as Carol’s marriage has prioritized.

If you want a strong and godly marriage, put your priorities in the same order that Carol and her husband have put them. Hollywood’s priorities are upside down and destructive to the majority of marriages.

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:39

20 thoughts on “Marriage Kills Commitment?

  1. Your friend is a blessed woman! The majority won’t be able to see that, but followers of Christ will. I think it takes an enormous amount of faith and love to live this way and it keeps you totally dependent on God and His principles. What better way to live!

  2. Yes! This was a great read. I have always enjoyed Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Kate Hudson, the whole clan. And many more.

    Simply as actors. For the most part, I do not agree with how they openly live for the world and not for God.
    As far as the order of priorities… I love the list of your friends priorities and I’m glad to hear it’s worked so well for her! I love being married, I love my babies, and together we all love God. I just pray l, given the ways of the world, I pray my children come to love God in their own and don’t follow the examples of these “celebrities”.

        1. What a blessing this post is! And so true. Unhappy people don’t stay in marriages because of religion or finances. They always stay, and when they make it to 49 years, these are the happiest of all.

  3. Cohabitation is just an excuse for them to let a window open in order to see if they can find a better options and if they not they end up settling. The reason why these marriages don’t last is because the foundation is built on sand.

  4. Our local paper had a front page article about a couple who celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. The secret to their long relationship? “Never give up on each other”.

  5. Sounds like there’s alot of ‘ifs’ in Goldie’s take on her life with Kurt. No thanks!
    There’s true joy and freedom in living your life following this dear couple’s advice. There’s joy in serving your husband because it’s a loving act of obedience to the Lord. It’s not drudgery or a lack of independence to be committed to a solemn vow to one person as long as we both shall live. It’s freeing to know that my husband is praying for me and vice versa, and to know that we are able to face life’s blessings and challenges together as one flesh.
    Godly Submission is not a hard thing if you have the right heart attitude. The world teaches to resent your husband’s authority and chafe at the restrictions of marriage. No, marriage is meant to be a great blessing and the best reward is to see your children and grandchildren loving and serving the Lord.
    Goldie and Kurt are missing out on so very much not being united in marriage.

  6. Those two are the exception to the rule. Cohabitating couples do not stay together as long as people that are married.

  7. Great article. I was taken back by the title, but fully agree with the content. My wife and I put Christ first, then each other, then our kids. Putting each other first after God is showing us how important that is as our house empties and the kids move away.

  8. Hello Lori,
    I just want you to remember that no sickness can separate you from the Love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    You are deeply loved by our wonderful God. Thank you for obeying God through this ministry.
    May Ken and you live long and keep be an example of what marriage in Christ truly is about.
    When we face criticism, hatred, all kinds of attacks because of Christ, I believe just like He was for Steven, Jesus is standing at the right hand of God (Acts 7:55). He is standing up in our problems to help us.
    Praying for you from France !
    God bless you !

  9. Divorce isn’t a difficult subject to study, in fact it’s a matter of public records. In a massive study of divorce University of Notre Dame looked at nearly 50,000 Divorces, numerous states. Nearly 70% of divorces were initiated by women. College educated couples, the divorces were initiated by the wife at 90%. Overwhelmingly “no-fault” divorces, 75%. Adultery was not a factor in the divorces significantly more for women than men. Domestic violence was a factor in a mere 6%. It seems that mostly women are the quitters here.

    You can find this study yourself using keywords:
    “These boots are made for walking: why most divorce filers are women”. This study is two decades old, things are even worse now.

    Still wondering why so many single Christian men these days couldn’t care less about marriage? Granted most single young men don’t read studies like me. They don’t need to. The reputation of marriage to women in the west has been going around campfire for decades now. Long before this study. Along with the reputation of what single women are up to before marriage.

    Let me summarize the reputation of behavior of the average Church girl. Yes, there are exceptions.. While single she’ll have several sexual partners, possibly a few hookups. She may have a child in tow. Shortly into a marriage, or after the first child, sex will stop, maybe indefinitely. If she hasn’t gained a significant amount of weight she may cheat, divorce. If she makes good money on her own she is more likely to divorce because she wants to try to find a better husband or play the field again. Women with fewer options to remarry or play the field tend to stay married. Lucky (sexless) husband? I’ve seen it in these churches 100 times. I’ve heard about it 1000. Marriage? Lol.. No thanks.

    somewhere things may improve in the margins but the trend will continue overall until the end. The consequences of a nation breaking God’s laws are inevitable. So are the consequences of just plain stupid choices. Inevitable.

    Thanks for your work here!

    1. Research from just 5 years ago suggests that women still initiate nearly 70% of divorces.
      A study found three main factors for this:

      1) Women are more likely to feel like marriage is holding them back.
      This includes women feeling unsupported in their careers by their husbands, and pressure to do more housework than their husbands even if they work as many hours.

      2) Women tend to do more emotional labour in a marriage.
      This includes a lack of healthy communication, and women often being the sole source of a husband’s emotional support – meaning some men are reluctant to leave that place of support.

      3) Women are less likely to tolerate “bad behaviour” today.
      Just a generation or so ago, women were more likely to put up with a lot more, in return for financial security. These days, women know they have options, and are less tolerant.
      The same study also suggests that women have higher expectations for marriage than men, and believe they’re not getting what they were promised in their wedding vows.

      This is from an article written in June this year, using multiple sources.

  10. KAK,

    I’m not sure what your point is regarding the study. Women have excuses for being quitters in marriage? Marriage has always been hard. I could easily provide a list of why it’s even more difficult for men. What difference does that make? The Bible allows few reasons for divorce: adultery, abandonment. Studies show women now commit adultery at nearly the same rate as men. You confirm here who in the majority abandons their marriages. Biblically, housework or lack of emotional support are not even mentioned. If men aren’t worried about biblical standards why would we even bother to marry in the new millennium? Women give sex away very cheaply or free.

    It’s ALL about manipulation here. Women manipulating men. No-Fault divorce was the brainchild of the feminist NAWL (National Association of Women Lawyers). Divorce skyrocketed and marriage rates plummeted ever since it was first passed in CA in 1970 then following in every other state.

    *Women initiate divorce because they know they will win*

    Women manipulating men, just like porn. Most boys are introduced to porn around the age of 12 or earlier. Boys, children’s minds being corrupted so some greedy immoral women can make easy money. Pornographers to blame you say? Men? Many, many pornographers are women. Jenna Jameson, a pornographer and porn actress had revenues of $30 million in 2005. The internet is now flooded with webcam harlots using their bodies to make money and corrupt the minds of many, even boys they know are under age. They could care less, it’s lucrative easy money.

    Your wasting your time trying to sell men on the idea that women are by any measure morally superior to men or universally victims of bad men. That myth set sail 50 years ago. It was always a lie.

    In the US alone women have walked into abortion clinics and participated in the deaths of their own children in numbers now exceeding 60 million. It’s more people than died in both world wars combined. Men are evil? Yes. And women are evil.

    1. My point was, women are abandoning marriages for absolutely ridiculous reasons. Notice how the main reasons for divorce aren’t abuse, or adultery – both of which could be valid reasons – but they are about the woman being discontent. She’s suddenly not happy with the man she chose, even though he’s clearly not a bad man.
      This is what Lori teaches us, so I thought some official stats would be interesting, to back up her message.
      Even worldly statistics show that verse in Proverbs to be true – women are tearing down their homes with their own hands for no reason other than discontentment.
      It’s terrible!!

    2. I think kak wasn’t trying to disagree. . . She was showing a more recent study proving your very point. Her study was 5 years old and the one you cited was two decades.

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