Only Have Sex With People Who Respect You?

Only Have Sex With People Who Respect You?

“When I was 14, my mom said I should NOT wait until marriage to have sex – I didn’t even need to wait for love. Her advice was to only have sex with people who respected me. I don’t have a punchline. I just think if more moms said this to their daughters, life would be easier.” This was written by Amy Silverberg on Twitter.  This tweet had almost 497,000 likes and 63, 000 retweets.

One person responded: “I’m VERY jealous. I’m super messed up from my mom’s over-bearing, shame-oriented speeches about why I shouldn’t have sex.”

Yet, another one: “My mom did the same. I was 12 or 13. She kept condoms in a basket in our medicine cabinet when I was in high school and told me and my friends that she didn’t want anyone getting STDs or pregnant because they were too embarrassed to buy condoms.”

“My mom asked me at 16 if everything was okay. She knew I was still a virgin. I told her I just hadn’t met the guy I wanted to sleep with and she was okay with that. A year later, when I did give it away, she gave me a big hug. More people should have moms like that.”

“My mom did the same thing! I truly think it is why I don’t have the grandiose, hyper-romanticized views of sex. Yes, it can be beautiful and loving, but that’s not always how it is. Sometimes, it is two people respectfully meeting a need and that’s perfectly fine.”

This is the culture we live in, women. Children are no longer being taught that sex before marriage is wrong. This doesn’t mean that sex is wrong. It means that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Your children need to be taught this. It’s for their protection. It’s for their future husband and children. It’s God’s perfect will for them, but we have many who are in complete rebellion to God and His will. They have gone their own way and are reaping the consequences of it.

Have sex with a man who respects you? The only man who will respect you enough to have sex with you is a man who will marry you. Heads up, women. Men don’t respect women who give sex away freely. Period. They are using you! Once sex enters into a relationship, the emotions take over and all sense of reason is gone. It distorts the relationship and turns it far from God’s intended purpose. Sex was created for marriage. Sex was created for child bearing. Sex was created for pleasure ONLY in marriage. Sex was created to build families and nations but the way sex is being used today, it is tearing all of these down.

Our culture wants to tell you that to teach your children these truths will bring them shame. They will feel shame for their bodies. They will feel shame about sex. These are all lies, women! Teach your children that they were created by God Almighty to glorify Him, yes, even with their bodies. Teach them that His ways are perfect. Teach them about the devastation of sex outside of a marriage bond. They are smart. They will understand this. If you don’t teach them truth in this area, the world will teach them distorted lies about sex which will most likely lead to a lot of destruction in their lives.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18


58 thoughts on “Only Have Sex With People Who Respect You?

  1. Wow! This is so sad. Sex is now a commodity to fling about in the name of respect. Jesus please start coming.

  2. The third reply really got me. What kind of a mother asks a girl if everything is okay if she is still a virgin at 16? Is that really not the norm outside of the Christian community as well? I have lots of non-Christian friends who did not wait until marriage to have sex but even among them, most of them were virgins at 16…

    I agree with the general message but I still feel like this topic should be approached with caution. I’m all for promoting abstinence, however, one should be careful not to shame people, particulary women, who made mistakes they regret in their past in my opinion. I know you don’t do that, at least it’s not your goal, however, sentences like “men don’t respect women who give sex away freely” always bother me… It’s not only the woman’s duty to stay pure for her husband, same goes for the men, and that is not talked about enough, I think. And even people who made mistakes in their past, as long as they have repented, recognised they have sinned and are not doing that anymore, such men and women are in my opinion as worthy of respect as anybody else.

  3. Wow, that is so messed up! I am super thankful that I learned that I need to wait until marriage to have sex! The baggage people have who have sex outside of marriage… I firmly believe that if my husband or I had had sex outside of marriage, it wouldn’t be as good now, within the marriage covenant. Or it would at least take a lot of work to get it to be as good..

  4. Wow.

    I’m speechless as to those comments.

    On some level, I think those women must not have sex very often and must not have the Opportunity for sex very often.

    It’s largely in their heads.

    I was teaching a class and one of the girls told a story…with no shame…about getting the abortion pill. And the only thing I could think about when she was talking was…

    “Someone slept with you?”

    I know that’s really mean…but…it’s true. And I think that’s why she was telling the story so openly. She was basically screaming to the men in the class, ‘See…See! I had sex too! Me! See! Someone wanted to sleep with me! HA!’

    It’s actually VERY embarrassing.

    So here’s my translation of these comments based upon all the Sex Positive Quirky Theatre-Majors I’ve known:

    1) The first one…”My mom’s views on sex messed me up…and that’s why I’m still unmarried and single, living in NYC with a cat who hates me…It’s not my fault…it’s HER fault!!! Darn Christians!!!”

    2) My mom was cool. She realized I was not going to get laid, so to make me feel better, she pretended that it was a possibility by keeping a box of condoms nearby…just in case the male race changed their mind, or someone nearby gets drunk…

    3) I gave it away everyone! See I GAVE IT! I had something to give to the world! I’m not overweight at all…someone wanted me and I had control!

    4) I’ve never met a guy who stayed for breakfast. But it’s ok because sometimes it’s about getting a need met. One sec, I need to go feed my cat in my small NYC apartment that I’m going to die alone in.

    Sorry Lori, I love being mean 🙂 🙂

  5. So how do you feel about the parent that provides condoms just in case? I would rather my child have access to protection, nobody is perfect. I don’t think it takes away from the message that abstinence is ideal. My husband and I have already discussed that we will do this for our boys.

  6. If you provide them with condoms, Cheri, they will have sex. Trust me. Our children aren’t animals who can’t control their urges. Teach them about the Lord and His ways. Teach them about the harm that fornication brings. It’s the one sin listed in the Bible that tells us that when they fornicate, they are sinning against their own bodies. Children will listen a whole lot more than parents give them credit for. Boundaries make children feel loved and protected. You aren’t protecting your boys in any way if you provide condoms to them.

  7. Heads up, women. Men don’t respect women who give sex away freely. Period. They are using you!


    – Men can instantly spot a woman who has no self-respect whatsoever. Although the willingness to give away sex isn’t the only red flag for this, it’s one of the biggest and brightest.

    – Men have ZE-RO respect for any woman who clearly demonstrates that she has no respect for herself. Why on earth would they?

    – Men without moral compasses have no problem whatsoever sexually exploiting and throwing away women who have no respect for themselves. To the extent that there is any conscious reasoning behind their behavior, it goes back to the belief that any woman demonstrating a lack of respect for herself deserves none from anyone else, especially not from any man. (And no, just to head off the inevitable response to this statement, I am NOT in any way justifying this attitude, but merely pointing out its existence among certain subsets of men.)

    – All of the above has been so obvious for so long that even the most depraved cads who routinely take advantage of such women will often shake their heads in bewildered amazement that they are still able to still get away with their behavior. It certainly explains why so many of them not only do not respect women in general, but treat them with overt contempt.

    – Saddest of all, this horrific situation isn’t going to go away anytime soon, despite all the obvious pain and destruction it has caused and continues to cause.

    Worst of all, there are actually so-called “Christian” mothers out there who condone or encourage this in their daughters as well!

  8. Your comments are spot on. If a man is willing to have sex with you outside of marriage, then he doesn’t respect you. If he did, he would honorably ask for your hand in marriage, and wait until that covenant was made.

    A willingness to have sex outside of marriage is a statement of disrespect. Trying to combine the two (respect and out-of-wedlock sex) is a logical impossibility – it just doesn’t happen because it can’t happen.

  9. This is heartbreaking. When I was younger (late teens) I overheard a group of young men I knew talking about a girl they had all slept with. They were calling her some truly awful names and being cruel about her looks. I asked them how they could sleep with someone they obviously dislike and they looked at me and laughed. These were the same boys who had always been polite to me and we had some really good conversations with each other. If only young women could hear what young men REALLY think about women who sleep around it would leave them heartbroken. I told my mother what had happened and she said that girls like that are looking for love not sex. Young women need to know that love isn’t going to be found in a promiscuous lifestyle and respect definitely isn’t. It destroys the souls of both men and women.

  10. Absolutely awful. I’m 18 & I go to a public school part-time. So many classmates brag about how they date casually without a purpose or sleep around, and how their parents are indifferent or even okay with their behaviour!

    I personally got shamed when I bluntly (even rudely, and I’m not ashamed because they tried to humiliate me and nobody stood up for me) rejected players who are known for sleeping with anything that has a vagina! These players usually come from somewhat conservative families where the wife doesn’t work, and they claim that they want to have a homemaker wife later on, but they don’t think they have to provide for her and literally just view vaginas as commodities they can use without doing anything in return!

    Now, onto the girls. So many of them sleep around as well! I even know of a girl who slept with a guy to get homework answers! ? Those prostitutey girls even shamed me for not sleeping around by loudly asking if I was a virgin and calling me an arrogant bitch! They dress in disgustly tight clothes and crop tops, yet complain about being objectified! ?

    I’m so happy that my school’s prom is cancelled! It’s just another opportunity to waste money and the girls dress like sluts showing cleavage and more! Countless people get drunk or do drugs or have sex in the school bathroom! It makes me sick! ?

    These days, it’s considered controversial to have standards and morals! I spent my time in high school working to get good grades and volunteering! As a result, I got enough scholarships to cover my bachelor’s degree and I’ll graduate with very little to no debt! I’d also work part-time to save money. My plan is to be celibate but spend my life pursuing a career that benefits society. Maybe an engineer or something in the medical field. The thing is that if the player boys had applied in school, they would have gotten scholarships to cover at least some of the cost of their education in university. The girls would have at least learned more to educate their children and not become semen dumpsters if they did the same. Newton was completely right, but not just in physics : every action has an equal and opposite reaction, so if young people sleep around it will negatively affect their future! ?

    Of course, parents should step up to teach them properly, but young people have brains so they should use them!

  11. That’s pretty degenerate.

    I’m happy my parents taught me to wait until marriage for sex and to abhor masturbation and porn.

    It was this attitude that the Founders and America had in 1776, and America largely still had that attitude until the corrupt libertine Kinsey came along in 1948, with his filthy and perverted sex report.

    Women often don’t realize they are emotionally bonded with men they have sex with.

    Why do we think the first action of a pimp with a girl he kidnaps is to rape her, often? Because he knows, doing this will make a woman’s emotions desire him. This is why you see women constantly going back to abusive men. It’s because their emotions are leading them.

    Just as weak men are guided by their lusts to wicked women, so foolish women are guided by their emotions to wicked men.

  12. I think it really isn’t necessary to provide them with condoms, because a) it seems like it’s not a big deal if they have sex, and b) they really are easily available (at least where I’m from). However, proper sex education is crucial in my opinion. Yes, with the emphasis on abstinence, however, they need to know how a women gets pregnant, how STDs are transmitted, and that you can protect yourself from them. There is a lot of misinformation out there!

  13. Christine,

    So true! ? You summed it up perfectly! Bitter old third wave feminists who slept around end up like this often! I nearly choked reading this as it gave me a very good laugh! ? In the words of these feminists: “you go gurrrrlllk! Yasss Queen ?!” ?

    But you are completely wrong about one thing. You’re not being mean, you’re just stating facts! And seriously people who have slept around and ruined themselves : please don’t force a poor cat to live with you if nobody else loves you! ?

  14. And if sex outside of marriage is not shameful, then why would anyone feel embarrassed to buy condoms?

    Buying condoms for your children actually screams that you are enabling a behavior that they aren’t mature enough to handle on their own.

  15. Egads. While my mom was no candidate for Mother of the Year, I’m so glad she never said anything like that to me. If she had, my first thought would’ve been, “My gosh, does my mom not care about me AT ALL?” I wouldn’t have been glad to hear that. I would’ve been ashamed.

  16. Amen! Its the same with people that say well I better put my daughter on birth control “just in case”. Or people that get prenubs in marriage “just in case”. You are setting up for failure. Same goes for the people that teach on submission in marriage they throw in all the “what ifs”.

  17. Hello Lori

    I’ve been following your blog for a few months now. I was actually introduced to it by my boyfriend. We are both Christians, he having more biblical knowledge than I, but I continue to learn through my bible, my boyfriend, and teachings such as yours.

    Some background. I’m 28 years old and I wasn’t raised very religious, church was something we did only occasionally and prayed only when worry or anxiety set in. My mother was a strong, independent, proud single mother and I too had a child out of wedlock at 18. My boyfriend is 35 and has a 4 year old son, he is divorced due to his ex wife having an ugly affair. During his divorce process he experienced first hand how biased the court system really is. When discussing this with me he admitted even prior to marrying his ex wife he questioned the institution of marriage. They were living together already and he felt convicted, so when seeking counsel from his church elders he was surprised at the lack of evidence they had regarding what in fact constitutes marriage. Is it the husband leaving his mother and father and becoming one flesh with a woman? Is it a religious ceremony? Is it a piece of paper issued by the government?- if so why must the government be involved in a marriage? How did they do it back in biblical times? In order to be right with God, and receive approving eyes from the church they were betrothed.

    All of this being said, he’s against marriage. And I can’t say I necessarily blame him because I too have these same questions. We both love each other dearly, and have a wonderful commited relationship. I respect him, I’ve learned to be submissive (this was hard, given my upbringing), and in turn he loves me, provides for, and protects both my daughter and I.

    So I guess what I’m trying to ask is what truly constitutes marriage? What does it take to be “right with God”? Because it seems unfair to me that even if we were to do solely a church ceremony we wouldn’t be fully recognized as a married couple. And some pastors won’t even marry you without a marriage certificate.

  18. Well, unlike Christine apparently, I don’t love being mean and I don’t judge others.

    I teach my daughters (I have no sons) abstinence until marriage and so does my husband. I want my daughters to come to me if they have questions about sex and I am honest with them about sex and honest how it is best to wait until marriage.

    Really Christine? Are you a Christian? Because you sure don’t talk like you are.

  19. Amen!!! I recently read a “Christian” blog that entertained the idea that one does not necessarily need to wait for marriage. The Scriptures are so clear, God gave us sex as a blessing within marriage. Is is a sweet, intimate time for only my wife and I to share.

  20. Any sin can become socially accepted once it loses its shame. Which is why Pop Culture has made it clear that the most offensive thing you can do is judge other people. Fat shaming, mommy shaming, slut shaming, etc, etc. Young people are constantly being told that hateful people judge, and good, loving people, support other people no matter what harmful, or immoral thing they do. Judging is one of society’s “7 deadly sins” if you will.

    Well, when you don’t iudge right from wrong, people will enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season whilst nulling down their own conscience, and damning their own souls. This is the result, young women who believe that fornication is “perfectly fine.”

  21. What kind of message does it send if you tell your kids not to do drugs, but just in case you do, here’s some Narcan to carry around with you? Is that going to encourage or discourage doing drugs?

    Now apply that to condoms. Don’t have sex before marriage, but just in case you do, here’s some condoms to carry around with you. Is that going to encourage or discourage abstinence?

  22. Hypatia,
    I read Christine’s comment and it was nothing to admire or look up to. In fact, it was gross, crude and very un-Christian-like.
    It is not at all Christ-like to say you “love being mean” and the language she used showed that she was not a dignified lady whatsoever. I believe in your previous comments you said you were 18? Please don’t look up to women who speak the way she spoke in her comment.
    Beauty is in your heart and it sure didn’t seem like she had any.

  23. I think if someone had actually explained to me what having sex before marriage does on an emotional and psychological level, I wouldn’t have behaved as I did as I entered my 20s.

    There was only one time I got a talk from my mom that I shouldn’t have sex. But I asked her why and she couldn’t give me a real reason other than, “you shouldn’t.” Like that is going to convince a teenager.

    It is unreasonable to expect that parents that have weak or compromised morals would even be able to raise children to be God-fearing. This mom was giving her daughter the best advice she could, and if I’d had a real open relationship with my mom I probably could have saved everyone a lot of heartbreak and problems.

    The sad truth is that girls who don’t understand their worth or their beauty don’t respect themselves enough to wait. Or they think, having sex with this person will make them respect me. It’s twisted on every level by the enemy but we are living in a fallen world.

    I just want to say, as a young woman I made a lot of poor decisions and huge mistakes, and even had an unplanned pregnancy that I chose to abort. Had there been any kind of strong Christian example in my life, I know my story would be different. But at 21 years old my life was completely and radically changed when Jesus personally touched my life and healed me off all shame, guilt, unworthiness, and disgust with myself. For the first time in my life I got around real Godly women and I realized that if I wanted to be anything like them, I would have to give up my sinful ways of sleeping with whomever I felt like, to stop searching for love in the wrong places, and I was made whole by Jesus’ love for me.

    I decided I would not sleep with anyone again until after I was married. Not long after I met the man of my dreams and the answer to my prayers. He had kept himself pure until marriage and we waited.

    As women of God, we need to be the examples that little girls need us to be. They need women in their life that show them that there is nothing wrong or bad about waiting until marriage to have sex. It’s much better anyway. But you can’t go around insulting girls that have rough pasts and have chosen decisions outside of God’s will. The only way you’ll be able to help them is by loving them, not by being cruel or making fun of them or being mean. Jesus knew the truth about people but he loved them first and through that they were set free.

  24. Dear Lori and Friends, oh i don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me if many of the NYC aging single cat-ladies (prior to the lock-down) enjoy their generous salaries/annuities, shopping trips, plays, and coffee at high-end shops. Bet they sneer at women who play miniature golf and wait for whatever to go on sale at wallyworld.

  25. Here in New Zealand condoms are freely obtainable without parents consent at high school. So is the birth control pill. Pretty scary, when you think about it!

  26. This was so depressing to read. A mother thinking there must be something wrong with her daughter because she’s a virgin at 16 and people thinking that disassociating during sex is something to be proud of.

    Like this:

    “ Yes, it can be beautiful and loving, but that’s not always how it is.”

    That is not a healthy mentality. I don’t care what anybody says, “sex positivity” has only brought misery. That is a depressing opinion to have and also doesn’t make sense. If you’re advocating for premarital sex but you don’t love, care about, or even like the person you’re having sex with why have sex with them? Like just not having sex is an option. Why ruin your virginity for some you don’t even like. “Who cares about if you like the person? Just do it cause you can” is not the award winning argument liberals think it is.

    I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that the women I know with the lowest self esteem and lots of mental health issues are also the ones who try to find fulfillment in meaningless sex and hookups. It’s so sad that society sees this and goes “you go girl” instead of recognizing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

  27. If you are going to provide your children with condoms and call yourself christian? Make sure you provide each of them with a clean bong. You dont want them sharing a bong and catching covid-19.

    Your just telling them your faith means zero…nothing to you.

    And about shaming people who are repentant. This is not possible. I have known people who committed murder and were repentant you couldn’t shame them for their serious criminal histories. They would look you dead in the eyes and say i did it and i was wrong. They would speak out against their behavior.

    But unrepentant people oh its such a touchy subject they want to remain quiet.

  28. …which is why i absolutely hate pop culture – because it “leads captive silly women…” Don’t have a tv, net-flukes – and don’t want the junk either.

  29. hi

    so sad an crazy

    the only things i agree with lori on is moms staying home with their kids and no sex until marriage

    my religion has different beliefs on her other topics

    my husband & I only dated each other, i never even kissed him till age 24 married at 25, i started dating him with the intention of marrying him,

    i wish my parents would have told me what sex was, all they said was no sex until marriage, and you dont have kids until marriage, they didnt even tell me that they go together, I had to sneak books into the house to find out.

    at school my senior year, the boys behind were going through each row and saying which girl they would “do” if getting the chance, when they got to me they said, no bc we would have to marry her first. I thought to myself, yes you would, among other requirements from me and my family.

    I will be teaching my daughter to wait until marriage, and to make sure the guy is a virgin too,

    it was bad when i was in my 20’s i can only imagine now, for all the younger ones, there is no pleasure in sex unless you are .married to the person

  30. I was thinking about what I wrote further…. (I think being crude is fine when it makes a good point…I doubt many women would sleep around if they knew how badly the other women were laughing)…

    and I realize there’s an even greater truth.

    If you believe that you will, without a doubt, get married, find a man you love and ride off happily in the sunset…

    Of course you will stay a virgin before marriage! Of course! Marriage is guaranteed, the fairytale is already there. You can feel it! It’s just a matter of ‘when.’

    But if you have been raised to think that marriage may not happen for you or even worse… you will get a divorce even if you do get married…

    Then you ‘Take sex when you can get it’

    These women are lost in sexless deserts…and when they stumble across the one last watering hole…they all drink from it because they may never find another watering hole.

    It’s really sad because in some way it shows they’ve given up on finding love, of finding a happy marriage.

    That’s really what those comments they wrote show.

    I’m sure the money changers that Jesus whipped at the temple ran home and said ‘Oh my gosh he was so crude…with that whip in hand!’


  31. If you hear a guy talk about a women that way then you instantly know they are the ones who shouldn’t be an option for a serious relationship. It says way more about them than it does about the girl.

  32. I wonder if in the third quote the mom was concerned her daughter was a lesbian? As same-sex attractions and relationships are seemingly on the rise, perhaps some parents are wanting assurance of their child(ren)’s heterosexual status that premarital sex is encouraged, accepted, or at the very least, not shamed?
    If that’s the case, it’s heartbreaking on many levels.

    We’ve always attempted to cover the spiritual/physical/emotional topics in regards to premarital sex in a facts-based matter. It may sound childish, but “God created us, loves us, and knows what’s best for us because His ways keep us safe”. When my kids were younger, a typical exchange may have gone like this regarding rules about anything: “Who’s in charge?” Answer: “God, then Dad, then you (Mom)”. “What’s my job?” Answer: “To help keep us safe.”

    The comments Lori shared are very sad. It’s one thing to provide information regarding physical and pregnancy protection to teens and actually giving permission or encouraging sexual activity long before marriage.

    I appreciate these reminders of the surrounding culture.

  33. I couldn’t care less what any wealthy aging single lady thinks of my frugal lifestyle, Sue. I don’t admire or envy their lives in the least.

  34. Where is Christine’s comment?

    “Open rebuke is better than secret love”.

    The lukewarm Christians fight harder to not be corrected over sin than they do against sin.

    No righteous person in the Bible has the attitude of Terry or Barbara, who both have lukewarm preachers no doubt.

    The Gospel is law and love combining, and Christine is giving a sanitized version of the anger and hatred God has for sin.

    “Open rebuke is better than secret love”

  35. Beautifully said Emma. I can personally relate to your story. If I had only known, or been given the example.

  36. Marriage is a commitment for life. It’s becoming one flesh with another human being. The man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife. They have children together if they are able. They share everything. They announce it to the world. Living together is not a commitment for a lifetime. It’s fornication – having sex outside of marriage.

  37. Amen Sister Emma.

    What you wrote is so true, it’s very similar to what took place with me as a young woman unfortunately. I have scars that will never go away but I praise God for Jesus’s loving mercy and saving grace to save a wretch like me. He not only washed my sins away in his holy, righteous blood but blessed me with a man who truly loves me, a wonderful marriage and two beautiful boys.

    I know fornication is a terrible sin that destroys us but please be kind to these women sleeping around. A lot of them are seeking love (I know in the wrong place) and what they need to know is the love of God that sets them free, free from sin, free from the lies of the enemy and once they realise who they are in Christ and his great love for them this empty void in their heart for love will go away. I can speak by personal experience.

    God bless you Lori, thank you for your ministry. You are a blessing to me and many young Christian ladies ?

    In Christ.

  38. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have posted anonymously. It’s very basic that in these uncertain times you would appreciate a generous salary and everybody appreciates luxuries from coffee to clothes. You don’t have to be a saint about being a housewife. You can actually continue to aspire and see how you can improve your families life and prospects in the capacity of a housewife. A good housewife minds the home. A great housewife runs it. The entrepreneurial aspect of being a housewife us biblical. Women have been called to be ambitious about their home and family. If you cease to continually strive then you are letting down your God purpose.

  39. Pardon my ignorance, but I don’t know where this mother lives, but I was under the impression that sex before the age of 16 was statutory rape everythere.

  40. I know no one here is Catholic…

    But if anyone reads St. John Chrysostom sermons…

    He is the only person who has the ability to make me Frightened…

    He just doesn’t sugar coat it at all

    Yet at the same time you are frightened, you are not cowed by his words, but energized

  41. One can speak with conviction and class simultaneously.
    Her comment reappeared, and while I didn’t take offense, Barbara and Terry have every right to express concern.
    As Christ-followers, our desire should be to become more Christlike in our behavior and speech. I can’t imagine Him in discussion with His followers snarkily saying “Sorry, I just love being mean” with an added heart emoji. And He spoke truth 100% of the time. While commenters may speak truth (which, for the record, I believe Christine has), there should be a standard in the delivery, and admittance to meanness “just because” doesn’t align with Biblical womanhood.

  42. Good point.
    Not sure, but is that if one of the parties is 18 or older, even if the encounter is consensual?
    To be clear, I’m not in support of this mothering mentality, just offering a possible rationale. It’s all very sad to me.

  43. CVD doesn’t provide any more identity than my personal decision to remain anonymous.

    I will never cease in striving to improve in my role as a wife and mother-spiritually, emotionally, financially, or physically. I read this blog every day, for starters. To reply to this response, my husband is very appreciative of my money-saving efforts. I know how hard he works to provide for our family, so at all times, I attempt to be the best steward possible.
    I’m in no way trying to be a saint about being a housewife, just pointing out that if wealthy, aging, single women sneer at my frugality, I don’t care; and I do not envy their lifestyle. My home is full of kids and 2 cats, with chickens outside for added fun. All the shopping trips, theater, and high-end coffee in the world would fulfill me as much as my roles of wife and mother.
    I worked the first several years of our marriage before becoming a SAHM, and with my oldest heading to Christian college in the fall (with our full support and financial help), I am always striving to stretch every dollar. I enjoy occasional luxuries as any wife and mother does, but I wouldn’t trade my lifestyle for the women described by Sue in her comment. While I don’t personally know anyone living in NYC, I suspect these women are filling a void in their life with “generous salaries/annuities, shopping trips, plays, and coffee at high-end shops” that would be more peacefully filled with Christ above all, a husband, and children, but I don’t want to be presumptuous or project my fulfilled desires for theirs. My biggest concern would be for their response and acceptance of the Gospel, CVD. If they’ve made that decision, the careers and luxuries accompanying their hard work are fine by me. But, I doubt if they were Christians, they would be “sneering” at a sister in Christ for mini golfing and discount shopping. I’m not sneering at them.

    I am blessed that my husband’s salary financially supports our family-we’ve always strived to live within our means and made financial choices on two incomes early in our marriage, knowing the goal was SAHM status once we started our family. We give God the glory for His provision. We splurge on Starbucks (if you call that high-end), but for occasional treats, which makes it more special, a good lesson for our children. They (and their friends) are involved in quality music and theatrical programs, so we enjoy cultural experiences often. Many may be surprised by the abilities of classically trained student performers. An ideal “shopping” afternoon is thrifting for us-we enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and are excited in a great find. I was raised similarly, so it’s always been natural to be careful and wise with finances.

    As we are in the process of sanctification, your comment is great reminder to continually strive for improvement in our efforts as help-meets to our husbands and keepers of our homes. There are areas I could improve in. Our lives are far from perfect, so the encouragement I receive from Lori and some of this blog’s commenting community is welcomed and appreciated.
    Blessings to you.

  44. I understand marriage is a life long commitment. What I’m asking is what actually constitutes marriage? Just saying we’re commited is enough? If we get rings and make a promise to God that’s enough?

  45. I am going to say it because it is what I believe – fornication is not just a sin it is dangerous and damaging at every level from personal to society as a whole. Contraception is sinful and it’s promotion and availability is both a symptom and a cause of promiscuity.

    Godly men should be taught to respect women who value themselves and honour God, themselves, marriage and their future children by keeping themselves pure and giving themselves only through their marriage vows.

  46. Not Haha.
    Making fun of women you don’t know and behind their backs isn’t Christian. Jesus didn’t make the woman at the well the butt of a joke. He told her to go home and sin no more. The money changers were chased out of the Temple for turning the Father’s House of Prayer in to a ‘Den of Thieves.’ Jesus drove them out and rebuked them to their face. He wasn’t being cruel, or laughing about it, either.

  47. Why bother with other women who are obviously not believers? Methinks they already don’t care whether other women are snarky and laughing at them about their lifestyle and appearance behind their back. These women don’t WANT marriage. They reject faith, family, and everything good and pure. Why even involve yourself with those who do not accept Christ and follow the ways of the world? Seems like a waste of time…

  48. One can judge with facts and be righteous without being condescending and leave it at that. No need to be emotionally charged and shrill. For example, fat “shaming” can focus on the simple facts of illness associated with obesity such as increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver, and joint degeneration, to name a few…rather than unneeded comments about appearance and personality.

  49. People who have “ruined themselves” with poor choices in life can ALWAYS find redemption as a believer if they choose to accept Christ as their Savior. I pray for these lost souls every day that they may find peace in HIM and reject Satan’s wicked ways.

  50. We should care because we’re commanded to love our neighbor, and in Matthew 28:16-20, we’re instructed to spread the Gospel.
    We don’t know where anyone is in the process of responding to the Holy Spirit, Casey. When I realize the grace that has been extended to me through the sacrifice of Jesus, my desire is to live a life of obedience to God, and that most certainly includes my attitude towards unbelievers. A concern I continually raise with this blog is the consistent lifestyle instruction with the assumption of new birth in Christ. You’re right, Casey, why should we be surprised that unsaved women are simply caught up in the culture as they make lifestyle choices? If they see peace and love in our relationships, experience our love for them (not ridicule or judgment), and observe a Biblical lifestyle in our daily choices, “methinks” we would have a greater opportunity for the Lord to be used in His sovereign plan for others.
    A question to ponder: “what would my life look like if I hadn’t responded and accepted Jesus as my Savior?” Heartbreaking reality that should remind us of our responsibilities to be faithful in our attitude and treatment of others, including our unsaved neighbors, who, we’ve been commanded to love as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).

  51. Amen, but if you’re the same Casey I responded to, I’m confused by your earlier question? You pray daily for unbelievers, but you asked if we should bother?
    It sounds like we’re on the same page, but I place the utmost priority on sharing the Gospel. Biblical lifestyle choices will hopefully reflect women’s response to the free gift of salvation. Unbelievers should see that we do bother, we’re all in need of the same Savior. We, in our gratefulness, should not ridicule or shame anyone.

  52. To clarify: praying for unbelievers and living by example is more than enough, rather than getting emotionally wrapped up in single women who choose to live a life without being married or having children. Sharing the gospel does NOT need to include personal opinions and cunning words. We are on the same page. I simply see no reason to be mean to others whose lifestyle is not Christian.

  53. Great article. You should make a video with these points for and You should get a account to spread these beautiful truths.

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