Refusing to Submit is Living in Sin
Blogs that make me “feel” good, talk about not judging, and enjoying their “messy” lives don’t hold much appeal to me. I love to read blogs that challenge and convict me to become more like Christ. It is why I love the Bible so much. Trey, an older man, comments on my blog once in a while and many times his comments convict and challenge me. This is why I like them. Here’s one of his great comments on my post Women Flagrantly Refusing to Submit.
Rebellious wives use every excuse in the world for why they CAN not or WILL not submit to their husbands. They can make all the excuses they want. They can call it anything they wish. God calls it SIN.
If you are a wife who calls herself a Christian yet refuses to submit (in everything) to your husband then you are living in SIN. It’s just that simple. Quit thinking you are holy; you’re not. Quit thinking you are godly; you’re anything but. Quit thinking you are serving Christ; He is not fooled. The only person you are fooling is yourself.
If you do not live daily in complete submission to your husband, what you’re really doing is blaspheming, maligning, bringing shame upon, reviling, discrediting, dishonoring, and slandering the Word of God. Do you call yourself a Christian woman? Then quit making excuses and start obeying the God you claim to know, love, and serve.
Do you really think that you know Jesus Christ? 1 John 2:3 says, “We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands.”
What does God command of wives? Read for yourself. Titus 2:3-5 says, “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Not convinced? How about this one. “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).
Think that you don’t have to submit to your husband, because he is lost or he is not living as holy as you think he should be? God knew you would try and use that excuse. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Peter 3:1,2).
Still not clear enough? God really spells it out here. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). Do you see that ladies. God not only commands you to submit to your husband. He commands you to submit to your husband in EVERY THING.
You see what God commands you to do. Do you really know him?
Are you claiming that you love God but still refusing to submit to your husband? “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15).
Do you consider Christ the Lord of your life yet still not submit to your husband? “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46).
I don’t want to come across so harsh but seriously, God only speaks directly to wives in a few places in the Bible and in almost every place, He instructs (commands) them to submit to their husbands. How can any wife call herself a Christian while refusing to obey the PRIMARY command that God gives her? I would submit that she can’t.
Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
1 John 3:7, 8
32 thoughts on “Refusing to Submit is Living in Sin”
Thanks for publishing Trey’s comment, Lori. The Lord often brings questions to my mind: “Are you bearing fruit evidencing that you know me?” “Do others see me in you by the way that you relate to and treat them?” “Are you long suffering, forbearing, forgiving, and charitable?” It should especially be so with my own husband!
Incidentally, though I don’t comment as often as in the past, please know I do still read your blog every day, precisely because it both challenges and convicts me. No, it doesn’t always feel good, but it is needful. God bless!
Amen! I needed to read this today, thank you Lori. My marriage is improving so much since I’ve been applying submission. I’m not perfect yet but striving to change with prayer, and gods help. I’m so blessed by your truthful posts. 🙂
Amen Lori, tell it like it is! So glad to have read this, I love it. It is so refreshing to see others that believe the Bible as it is written. (But of course, I am waiting for the replies where women are justifying why it doesn’t apply to them lol).
I was thinking of doing a Bible study on EVERYTHING God mentions about wives in the Bible. I have a book “Where to find it in the Bible”, but was wondering if you might have any other resources you could recommend?
Thank you, Lady Virtue. Yes, others should absolutely see good fruit in our lives, especially our husbands, or we speak evil about the Word of God.
No one will ever improve upon the Lord’s ways for us, Annie! They are so good.
I don’t publish many comments from women trying to justify not obeying the Word of God anymore, HH. They are not profitable, unless they are looking for help.
The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible is a great place to look up all of the verses pertaining to wives in the Bible.
Thank you! I will look for it.
Hi Lori! Don’t feel like you have to post this comment. I just wanted to send you a “Thank You” for your videos. I’ve been watching your YouTube lessons and I’m hooked! They’re such a blessing and so encouraging! I set my phone up in front of me while I do my family’s ironing. So, I’m catching up on ironing and learning from you at the same time! Please make more videos! They’re great! I hope it’s ok I put this comment here, I tried to comment on one of the videos but YouTube was making me jump through hoops for that. Haha…
I love this!! It is so refreshing to see a man post on the virtues of the wife. Trey’s wife is blessed to have a Godly man in leadership. I am striving to be better than I was yesterday! I can only do for today what God will have me do. Thank you for your blog, it is such a blessing to me!
Yes! It is very clear how we are to behave as wives!
There are such blessings that come with obedience!!
This is convicting and I think it should be shared this straight forward.
Blessings
Mrs.O
Lori,
Yes, yes, yes!!! I read what helps me grow. I feast on it! I crave what opens my eyes to truth about myself. What inspires me to change about myself. May I hunger and thirst for It all my days.
God’s Word said He didn’t robe Himself in flesh and come to earth to bring peace but to divide with His mighty Sword of Truth, separating the sheep from the goats. I had to look in the mirror one day and say to my reflection, “Kelley, YOU are your marriage’s biggest problem.” I had to move away from the lies and move toward the truth.
In my husband’s grandfather’s Bible we found this written on a Post-It in his magnificent hand: “Show me myself.” Isn’t that marvelous? A godly, righteous man asked God, wrote Him a love note, “Lord, would You show me myself?” His Word will do that, IF we’ll submit to it.
*hugs*
~Kelley
Thank you, Courtney! I am happy you enjoy them. I make them as thoughts come up and I have something to say that I feel would be better said in person. 🙂
You’re welcome, Melinda. Yes, Trey would make a great pastor! He’s not afraid to teach the truth of God’s Word and the hard parts. Few pastors would preach something like this, unfortunately.
This is my favorite type of teaching, Mrs. O, strong and straight forward. I’m so tired of lukewarm, tickle the ears so no one gets offended type of teaching that most churches and teachers teach today.
Amen, Kelley. I want to be what the LORD wants me to be! He has given everything for me so I want to give my everything for Him. He is worthy!
Lori,
Is it odd that my wife has only made my lunch for work 2 or 3 times in 22 years? Is it odd that I iron my own clothes for work, but when my son goes to a dance she irons everything for him?
When I have asked her if the same questions as your article and used those scripture, is it odd that she answers by asking me if I have done what God commands of a husband and dismisses that I tell her that Christ is my head and I am hers?
Does she want to be the head of me?
I will ask Ken to answer you, Jeff.
I don’t always agree with Trey’s comments. In fact, it was because of Trey, and a couple of other men’s comments, that my husband forbade me to read this blog, for a time.
But your comment, Lady Virtue, about the questions the Lord brings to your mind, I found that to be so encouraging and so helpful!
You are right – more than anyone else, we should be showing those fruits of the spirit to our husbands but so often (for me, anyway) they’re the last person to see *that* side of us. In my case, he so often sees the tired, grumpy wife who’s running on inadequate, broken sleep, and just generally trying to do far too much. And he’s the one who cops it, my good, kind, gentle, loving husband.
Your words spoke to me, Lady Virtue. Thank you.
Lori, I just wanted to tell you that for a few months now, my husband forbade me from reading your blog because of the comments of some of your male readers. In the time I wasn’t reading it, I actually felt my attitude towards my husband change. Only slightly, but it was a very definite shift. After discussing it with him, we decided that I would read it again, but just ignore the comments from those men (and women, if the case may be) who I/we disagree with rather than letting them upset me, and although I only started reading this blog daily again less than two weeks ago, I’ve felt my attitude slowly softening once again. I’m becoming more submissive towards him again, and he’s noticed the difference in me, too. Although there are many fantastic blogs on the internet aimed at teaching Christian women, this is by far the best one for wifely submission, specifically. Already, it’s made such a huge difference in me. Thanks 🙂
You’re welcome, KAK. We will never agree with everyone completely so we must all use wisdom in who we learn from. Women aren’t forbidden from learning from men and some of the men who comment are very wise. I appreciate their input.
Hi Jeff,
Unfortunately what you are describing as “odd” behavior is the norm in far too many Christian marriages. It is not unusual for a wife to focus her attention almost exclusively on the kids and some on the home, but expect her husband to fend for himself with his ironing, meals and dishes. It is a sad commentary on state of things in a home if a husband feels that a wife can focus on kids, girlfriends, a job, but has lost any desire to serve her the man she said she would love the most for a lifetime.
It gets even worse if the wife is a stay at home Mom and has plenty of time to care for her husband but chooses not to. Then it it becomes really odd is when she expects her husband to be helping her with the housework.
Recently, a friend of mine came home for another hard day at work… working 65 hours a week, and saw a stack of dishes piled high in the kitchen. Instead of getting upset and asking his wife what she been doing all day he simply announced, “Hey, let’s get these dishes done tonight and I will help.”
His wife went into a tizzy and tirade over how disrespectful he was to boss her around and not ask her opinion about the dishes. She never once thought about how disrespectful she was being leaving a hugely messy kitchen for her husband to come home to after working long hours.
They say that up to 10% of Americans have some form of Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality disorder. Then you have many others who bump up against this spectrum of just being self-centered and selfish, spending their time and focus on the things they want to do, but expecting to be cared for by others.
It is a sad state of being that is completely contrary to God’s Word and the model of Jesus who gave His life away for those he loved. The Christian husband has to keep loving a wife who does not appropriately love him back, keep talking to her about the things she could do better if she wants to please the Lord and her husband, but ultimately leave her selfishness up to the Lord to change.
It is frustrating when married to a wife like that, but a husband’s job is to joyfully love and serve His wife, and find areas where he can help move her forward to living out the values she claims to share with Christ Jesus. Husbands must lead, and loving leadership by example is our primary method, but as God places on your heart ways to impact your wife to help her see her selfish ways and change them, you must do so. Husbands may win their wives with the truth of God’s Word.
Thakyou Trey and Lori,
The Lord is showing me how wrong I have been. Too often I have listened to a friends advice over my husbands, and it lead me down the wrong path. While my husband said I am a good wife, I tend to to think it’s in part because he doesn’t know the hidden potential of genuine respect and submission. My disobedience has cost a lot of money, disrespect, anger, hurt and frustration. And more so in the longer term. I want to know what all he excitement is about that I c keep hearing abut when you live out the gospel. If it’s as joyful as it sounds, I want it! Thank you so much for your wise words and encouragement.
Question: Should I with hold giving wife a birthday gift as a form of discipline for her rebelliousness?
Background: she has been in rebellion for some years now. She blames me for everythign wrong in her life, her unhappiness, etc. I read your post on the old blog about wimpy husbands. It was VERY useful. Within the past year and half, I have been drawing what I think are prudent boundaries to hem in her rebellion and also protect myself and our kids. I cut up her credit card for over spending, limited her access to our joint account, and shut off internet at 9:00 pm. I now do the grocery shopping and we are eating healthier. I got gym membership for me and the whole family. I lost 20 lbs of fat and feel better and look better. Now the kids, aged 4 – 17 are starting to follow my lead in being more fit, more accountable. Things around the house are improving. Everyone is pretty much on board. except for wife. She is digging in her heels, says she is no longer interested in sex, does not want to lose weight because she will just gain it all back, and is not taking care of her health. Just has a really negative atttude towards me, (*but outside the home all her friends think she is just the greatest supermom alive). I strongly suggested she get a part time job to help pay for some of her medical bills and a few hh expenses. She greatly resents this. She thinks money she earns should just be her play money, but I do not back down. If she won’t pay her bills, then they do not get paid. I think these are reasonable boundaries.
I don’t want to punish her or inflame her. I offer up prayers for her almost every day and sometimes fast for her, but neither do I want to reward her for bad behavior. Is with holding things like my time, attention, date nights, and birthday gifts a good idea?
Hi Tim,
Lori and I are so sorry to hear about your marriage woes and it is similar to what we hear far to often of spouses who refuse to try and walk faithfully with the Lord, with their spouse and with their own health and body. It’s hard to tell all the many reasons why awife may be in this condition of life. Although we know the root of it is sin, there can be various reasons for the sins, not the least of which is stubborn rebellion that has afflicted mankind since the the beginning of time…
I hesitate to offer advice to you on a blog comment, but you did ask so let me try to give you a thoughtful comment. You already know that I believe a godly husband is responsible to do what he can to try and help his wife lead a disciplined and godly life. Loving her, and showing love to her is vital as part of your job, even as you may be attempting to influence her life with reasonable consequences. It sounds like you are on the right track and you are seeing signs of success for your efforts.
I would think that you would not want to withhold affection, kindness, date nights, attention, helping her around the home, and giving nice birthday gifts… so that she can see that the consequences you are asking her to accept are natural ones that come from her sins. Where too many marriages fall apart is when both spouses jump in the mud and withhold affection, respect, serving each other, even trying to please each other.
As the husband and God appointed leader of your family, only you can decide before the Lord how you want to try and win your wife to self-control and common human decency. You cannot hold her to a standard of Christianity if she is unwilling to follow, but you can hold her to this minimum threshold of being a decent person in the marriage. But for me, I would show her love and affection even more, knowing that I am being the person of Jesus to her, while at the same time insisting on reasonable consequences that fit the sins she is committing. Is this not how our heavenly Father deals with us as rebellious children? Great love and blessings, all the while he is disciplining those who need it for their own good… not for payback.
How can a strong willed woman with a choleric personality ever submit to her husband?She is such a good manager and always has a plan.Which can be a very good quality to have.She is a natural leader and good at it.Except she won’t keep herself in check.She says she is always right.She knows better but cholerics don’t ever admit they are wrong.I want to marry her but how can I is she going to take the place of God and turn the headship order upside down to where she is both wife and husband? Choleric women are attracted to me precisely because I’m sweet gentle and can be submissive.But this is not the bible headship order and I’m going to tell her to stop micromanaging me.God I asked you not to give me a choleric but you did anyways.I keep attracting strong willed women because I’m not strong willed.Oh my.
There are some exceptions, such as do I submit if my husband wants to do a three-some, or if he wants to spend our income on drugs. I believe in being respectful in the way we speak to them about these behaviors, however submitting and going along with them, no. Our submission MUST be to God first, then our husband. There are instances in the bible where the women do take a stand against or up to their husband, such as Abigail and Nahum or Esther and the king.
I love Trey’s comments on your posts as well on biblicalgenderroles.com! Thank you both for always encouraging Godly wives!
Hi help please…I’m struggling.. my husband wants to follow a pastor that is not preaching sound doctin and is a false teacher..do I still submit and follow my husband? Am I in sin if I refuse to?
Go to church with him but when you hear some false doctrine, you can ask him questions about it when you get home in a respectful way. God tells women to ask their husbands at home so do this! It may cause him to search the word of God for himself and see that this church is wrong. Pray daily that his eyes will be open!
Wow thanks for that comment. My wife was saved a few years back. Now she is literally busy with church 5 days a week. I’m ok with that and have always supported her in things. My problem is I’m so lonely in my marriage. She dont submit to me hardly ever. Always has excuses. I work my full time job and support our family plus work a Custom furniture business as well so she dont have to work. I’m the one that mainly cooks, I do the dishes quite often, laundry all the time as well. I’ll admit I complain sometimes but most the time I just do it. I try for affection and most the time I get stop, I’m tired, I need to pray, I dont feel good, and many more. Literally has no time for me and I do so much for us. I’m not saying she’s lazy or anything either. We have talked multiple times and I’ve said I need more, I need affection, I’m lonely. It’s now a Saturday morning and morning and nothing should stand in the way. Well same excuses as she woke at 8:30am and said she needed to pray at 9:00am. Maybe I was wrong to tell her maybe she should pray that she can make more time to her husband and submit to her. Sorry for the long message. Glad I came across this message as it hits home for me for sure. She’s an active Christian but really not submitting to myself. I am always last which is very hurtful. God Bless and Stay Safe!
I am so glad you left the comments open for this blog.
This is advice I wish someone had given me when I was young. I guess better late than never right… I am 52 and am looking to get married to whom God has for me.