Seeking Sexual Compatibility?
Many have commented on my posts about virginity that this just won’t do since couples need to make sure they are “sexually compatible.” Some have said they need to “test drive” a potential future spouse before marriage. This mindset is not biblical but satanic. There’s NOTHING in God’s Word about seeking someone who is sexually compatible nor test driving anyone before marriage. No, God wants us to live lives of being chaste before marriage (no fornication) and after marriage (no adultery).
Someone who goes by the name “Truth Seeker” wrote this on my post Awakening the Beast: “I’ll never understand the concept of sexual compatibility. If you save yourself for one person and stay with them for the rest of your life, than what comparison will you have? What factor decides that the two aren’t compatible if the only factors are yourself and the other? It just doesn’t make sense logically. Sexual compatibility between virgins only makes sense if there’s porn involved to base your ideas off of. So by the world’s logic, how do I know I’m compatible with the one I want to marry? Easy. There’s no such thing because we’re both virgins and have nothing to compare each other to. This whole compatibility thing is just another nonexistent concept that excuses sin.”
Someone else wrote: “It’s true. This thing about having sex before marriage to see if you are sexually compatible, or even living together before marriage to make sure to know if you’re compatible is the most stupid thing ever. It is an excuse for the boyfriend or the girlfriend to keep their options open which is why women who had premarital sex with multiples partner or had cohabitate are more likely to get divorced.”
Anyone who wants to “test drive” someone before marriage is a fool. Many women willingly give sex before marriage but once married, they have little to no desire to be sexually intimate with their husbands. It’s a horrible “test” for a future spouse. Women should be looking for a man who loves the Lord, values purity, is willing to work hard and provide, and loving and kind. Men need to look for a woman who also loves the Lord, values biblical womanhood and living the way that God calls them to live. When a couple gets together with these values and traits, they will learn sexual intimacy together after marriage. They have their whole lives to learn if the Lord blesses them with long life! Besides, true sexual intimacy is a whole lot more than just the act itself.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Proverbs 5:18,19
27 thoughts on “Seeking Sexual Compatibility?”
Yeah its absurd. When you guys marry you have your whole lives to mold each other sexually, learning likes and dislikes.
God’s way is always best. I don’t need to compare my wife to other women, which is what premarital sex will cause. I don’t want her to wonder if she is as good as someone in my past either. God blesses those who follow His ways and will bless a marriage based on His word. He will also bring healing and forgiveness to those who have strayed from His best and restore what was lost, although sin has consequences. It is never too late to commit to Christ and follow Him. While I won’t claim that I did this in my younger years, I can say with absolute certainty that God can restore and renew one’s life.
The way people define sexual compatibility is stupid, too; they mean “Someone with the same libido as mine who wants to do the same things I do.” And then people write into advice columnists complaining that their partner’s sex drive has gone down, so they’re no longer sexually compatible.
It is nothing short of idiotic to believe that people will have the exact same libido as their partners, and for decades. True sexual compatibility is taking pleasure in the other’s pleasure, wanting the best for the person, and enjoying intimacy. One does not find this out about a prospective spouse by hopping into the sack.
Compatibility, sexual and otherwise, is something to be achieved, not found. Thus there is no need for a compatibility test ahead of time for those who love and serve the Lord.
Just as Christians conform themselves to Christ and make themselves compatible with Him by acknowledging Him as their Lord (owner and master) and submitting to and serving Him in everything, a Christian wife will MAKE herself compatible with her husband by acknowledging him to be her lord (earthly owner and master), conforming herself to him, while submitting to him in everything and serving him wholeheartedly.
The concept of “Sexual compatability” mystifies me. I have been married for 26 years and my husband and myself have adjusted to the other’s intimate wants. Without getting too graphic ( which I find distasteful in the extreme), we have learned how to give each other physical pleasure and what is not pleasing.
Being sexually compatible simply means learning how to physically please your spouse. This is something married men and women should do in any case. Why would you try this before marriage? Once married you will want to please your spouse, there is no reason to “test drive” before hand.
Adam and Eve didn’t need sex Ed to figure out how to please each other. It’s not rocket science.
Contrary to our lying satanic social mores, you don’t need to win the Sexual Olympics your first night of marriage.
As far as the specific phrase, I see it used mostly by women. Women’s sex drive is drive is generally lower, or to be accurate, more discriminating than men’s. So, I think it’s designed as a test: “can I enjoy or at least tolerate sex with this man before I am locked into marriage with him.”
Men say all sorts of things around each other and I’ve never heard a man talk about “sexual compatibility” as a concern. The only use a (bad) man would have for that phrase is as a way to manipulate a woman into pre-marital sex (“come on, baby – don’t you want to make sure we’re compatible??”).
Also, there is the older phrase “test drive” which kind of means the same thing. Some mothers encourage their daughters to test the guy out. Usually they mean “is the equipment formed and does it work.” My (future) mother in law did this, quite explicitly.
There is more to sex than physical pleasure. There is a spiritual intimacy and bond that occurs as the couple becomes “one flesh”. What a loss of intimacy and oneness when we choose to give this away to more than one man!! We are throwing away a trust and a growing experience that is better than anything we can ever imagine.
As a wife who waited for my husband for my first kiss, I can testify to how awesome it can be! On the other hand my dear husband did not come to our marriage a virgin. This has caused me some heartache, but there has been healing and forgiveness! Praise the Lord for redemption when things aren’t ideal!
I’m married to my husband for 23 years. When we got married, I was 19 years old and he was 21. We were both virgins and I’m so glad we waited until we got married… We learned from each other!
I’m not american and in Europe, many people are choosing to live together instead of marrying. I guess the same is happening in the States, right?
I see so many women, some of them that used to go to the same church with me, that got married, divorced and now are living together with non-christian men.
I had another friend tell me that she lived with her now husband before she got married, because she wanted to see if they were sexually compatible, like you say in your post, Lori. So, unfortunately I see more and more women and men living exactly what this world preaches and forgetting what the word of God says.
Amen my friend, exactly on the money.
Yeah, the entire idea is frankly stupid, even if you’re a secular couple. Cohabitation and marrying a woman who isn’t a virgin drastically increases your chances of divorce and drastically decreases the likelihood of having a happy marriage. We Christians don’t need these reasons but they are cold hard facts nonetheless.
My wife and I did not sleep together before marriage nor did we cohabitate or spend the night together. Any man who says he doesn’t want to marry a virgin is either lying or exceptionally decieved. Yes you don’t really know what you’re doing at first and there are moments of enjoyable awkwardness and shyness. So what? That’s half of the fun and something you’ll remember forever.
I can’t imagine thinking about my wife having been with other men, having conformed herself sexually to their desires and thinking about what she did with them when with me. When you marry a virgin girl she conforms herself sexually to you and only you, everything she knows comes only from her experience with you, her husband. She is basically custom made in the intimacy department specifically for you, it doesn’t get anymore compatible than that. Then after a while when she grows into being a wife and being totally submissive to you… well, let’s just say the level of “compatibility” goes through the roof over the years.
As always, reject the silly lies of the world.
If you want to know if you’re attracted to somebody, all you need to do is dress up, go to a ball, and dance with them. I’m serious. For thousands of years, people danced beautifully, the waltz, the swing, or the Texas two-step. Young men and women had fun and got to know potential partners. Everything you need to know, you can learn about a man by the way he leads you in a dance.
I fell in love with my wife this way. I knew from the moment I set eyes on her that she was the one. She was God’s choice for me and I for her. The sex and the living together came later and were perfect, a part of our sacred union. Our children, when they were came, were clothed in glory, an extension of our sacred union. The minister at our wedding said (I’ll never forget this)
“When man and woman come together in holy matrimony, no matter if this happens in a Cathedral or under a tree and the open sky, they create a tiny spark of light that draws all others in society to them; their light attracts the eyes and hearts of even the most low; they create a beacon of hope, that is the family, around which everything else good and fruitful gathers.”
Exactly!
Learning how to please each other together makes so much more sense than anything else.
Sexual compatibility is definitely a term used mainly by women. Amongst the women I know, it means “is this man devoted to my pleasure or does he just take what he wants and roll over and go to sleep”. It’s generally a selfish thing. It’s not “what can I do for him,” but it’s a “what can he do for me.” And if we wait for marriage, as God requires, it’s not even an issue, because we learn how to please each other together.
It’s a beautiful and exciting thing to look forward to coming together with your husband for the first time in the marriage bed. There is a satisfaction that comes from obeying the Lord like none other.
I wrote about that myself.
Then there is the quaint theory about “getting experience.” Now, a bit of helpful instruction never goes astray, but let’s use some common sense: the human race wouldn’t have lasted as long as it has if the physical mechanics of sex were complicated. You don’t have to try it out with a dozen or half a dozen partners in order to “get it right”. You would be better off experimenting with your one-and-only to see what suits both of you together. But, besides that, the real beauty of sex is the emotional connection, without which the physical act is just pedestrian. In addition, marriage requires give and take – mostly give – surrender, unselfishness, and self-control. You don’t acquire that by developing a habit of chasing quick, transient pleasures.”
This is one of the reason why i will only marry a virgin. I can’t stand the idea that with a non-virgin she would compare me with the men with whom she had been in the past.
Unfortunately, most women’s romantic, visceral attraction to most men is marginal. It’s a natural consequence of the Fall I suppose, aggravated by promiscuity and low-male status. It is what it is.
The test drive or compatibility test is used to determine if this marginal attraction is marginal enough.
Rather than compatibility tests, this problem can be overcome through God’s gift of agency/will and God’s grace. This can be obtained through sincere prayer and, if you’re catholic, orthodox or Lutheran, the sacraments.
Hey B.Gordon.
Glad that we met again here.
I am so sorry for whatever happened with you.It is ridicolous to even learn that women,who were bequeathed the moral order of civilization,have come to these degenerate practices like encouraging their daughters to “test drive” other men.
If you don’t mind,how about we catch up on a direct message service?
I would be pleased to have your wisdom and friendship,what say??
If yes,do test message me on [email protected]
Have a great day ahead.?
I agree with this 100% and it is not brought up often enough how perfectly dance teaches what we need to know about marriage. The man learns to lead, the woman follow, and in that they learn what it means to work together. It teaches grace to the woman when her partner isn’t leading super great, but she encourages him with a smile and a “no worries” when he makes a mistake. It teaches the man to think ahead about where he wants to take her. It teaches them to just have some fun! It also taught me how to get past arguments and hurt feelings. You just keep moving forward. You don’t actually have to hash everything out all the time. Thanks for bringing up partner dancing Bill.
Hi Yash,
My wife was encouraged to test drive me. I was complicit in the sin – not a victim.
Unfortunately, I do not have an email (beyond my work email which I only use for business). The one I use to comment with is fake.
“But what if you two get married and the sex is bad?”
Well then you keep practicing until it gets better. DUH!
I would also ask these people what happens when the sex you’re having is great, and then after you marry, the sex is not so great? Or what if he gets into an accident that cripples him and he can’t perform like he used to? Or what if he gets a debilitating disease like ALS? Are you going to leave him for someone else? If you base a marriage entirely on how great the sex is, your marriage is doomed to fail.
Amen! It’s true this is again an excuse to let a door open to other options in order to have sex with multiple partners this is all it’s about. These people don’t know what true love is which is why they have a warped view of marriage and sex.
This works both ways. Women’s sex drive can change due to hormones. There will be weeks/months for healing after childbirth. In menopause, she may not want it at all. Hormones may make it painful.
A couple who were virgins before marriage will be far more likely to get through these challenges together, happily, than a more sexually-experienced-with-other-people couple who place far more emphasis on “compatibility”. Because libido is going to change over the years, that’s certain.
Hey B.Gordon.
Oh I am feel bad for you.Sorry I do mean to offend you but the whole “test drive” thing is really immoral and selfish according to me.
Guess what!?
Just now I went through my GMail Promotions and there was an article from The Medium on “how to find Friends With Benefits” which is really disgusting and uncivilized.
Society is morally decaying at such a rapid pace.
Regarding your email,don’t worry.
Mrs.Lori Alexander is true to her word.Your email is not visible here.
It is just that I am concentrating on making conservative,like minded friends so I voluntarily gave my email.
It is my real email though.
Do message me if you change your mind in the future.?
It was great talking to you.I wish we meet on more of such Godly posts from Mrs.Lori Alexander.
I wish you All The Best ahead!!?
So sinful sterile fornication is meant to help you see if you are compatible for a Godly and with God’s blessing fertile married life ? What utter rubbish.