Teaching Younger Women to Be Good

Teaching Younger Women to Be Good

God instructs older women to teach younger women to be good in Titus 2:5. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, GOOD, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Women have scolded me for saying we can be good. They say that only God is good because of this verse: And Jesus said unto him, Why call me good? there is none good but one, that is, God (Mark 10:18). But the reason Jesus said this according to Gill’s Exposition was that He was “not as denying that he was good, or as being angry with him for calling him so, but in order to lead this young man to a true knowledge of him, and his goodness, and even of his proper deity.” Of course, Jesus was good because He was perfect and now He lives inside of us! 

 God expects His children to be good just as we expect our children to be good. I love how all of the old commentaries used the KJV since it’s my favorite version of the Bible, so they all have the word “good” in them!

Ellicot’s Commentary on the word “good” in Titus 2:5: Gracious, kind, thoughtful to others, especially to inferiors.

Barnes’ Notes: In all respects, and in all relations. To a wife, a mother, a sister, there can be no higher characteristic ascribed, than to say that she is good. What other trait of mind will enable her better to perform her appropriate duties of life? What other will make her more like her Saviour?

Jamieson-Fausset: kind, beneficent. Not churlish and niggardly, but thrifty as housewives.

The book of Ephesians has a lot to say what God expects from us and what would be classified as being good, too.

These are all from Ephesians 4 and 5: Lowliness, meekness, longsuffering, forbearing one another in love, speaking the truth in love, be ye angry and sin not, working with our hands to give to those in need, no corrupt communication coming from our mouths but only which is good and edifying, kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, redeeming the time because the days are evil, filled with the Spirit, singing and making melody in your heart, and being thankful.

In these two chapters, we are told several times how we are to walk: walk worthy of the vocation (God’s calling for your life) wherewith ye are called (4:1), walk in love (5:2), walk as children of light (5:8), and walk circumspectly (5:15).

As godly women, our goal in life should be going around doing good and the most important people we should be doing good for is our own family. Learn to be a servant and do what you can to make their lives as happy as you can. Never forget that being a help meet to your husband is your priority. Fix your family good, nourishing food. Keep your home clean and tidy for them. Make sure their clothes are clean and put away. Be in the Word so you can be a cheerful presence in your home. Don’t be ruled by your emotions but be ruled by truth. Build your homes up by finding ways to bless your family and making your home a place of peace and rest.

How are we supposed to be good and accomplish all of these things? By putting on the whole armor of God and believing God’s promises to us; for it is His Spirit that works mightily within you!

With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.
Ephesians 6:7, 8

20 thoughts on “Teaching Younger Women to Be Good

  1. Thanks, Lori! That was great! I have printed this one off to put in my marriage/parenting notebook. Thank you for all of your articles encouraging to do what is good and right!

  2. I know I’m a man chiming in on this but please here me out. I believe it all comes down to if you are a believer in Jesus then we are to be obedient to him and serve him. We maybe as believers called to do things that aren’t natural to us. Wives –be obedient to our husbands and allow his leadership to rule. That may sound harsh but it’s truth

    Husbands–called to love our wives as Christ loves the church. So that isn’t a opportunity to be mean, cruel or lead in anyway that would be self serving

    For Christians to be “good” to me should mean “obedient”

    Husbands — we are not called to treat our wives like children. We are to encourage them as leaders to keep finding strength in the lord Jesus Christ and be “good” “obedient” to him

    I see even in my own church where it’s obvious some wives rule the marriage.

    Just recently, I personally witnessed a deacon’s wife dress him down in the church lobby over something Yikes.

    Neither a husband or wife should be dressing anyone down especially in church in front of others

    I like this post today not because I’m a man saying woot woot wives be good. I’m saying there isn’t enough older woman teaching younger woman anymore because as soon as they hear obedient or be good they freak out.

    Husbands like myself are almost afraid to lead and wives like mine start complaining right away.

    Example, as soon as I make a decision as easy as what’s for dinner or even what time we are leaving for church. I get, “Don’t treat me like a child. We will leave when I’m ready.”

      1. Rob, Jesus taught that the first will be last and the last first. Leaders are to be servants. If you pour yourself out and devote yourself to loving your wife and family and seeing that they flourish and bloom, then all the angst about leading will be over.

        Be a servant. Love like Jesus. Wash the feet. Help with the homework. Cook a dinner and wash up. Rock the crying toddler while your wife puts the others bed. Help carry your wife’s burdens. Love her unconditionally. Speak life into her. Always focus on the good in her, always turn towards her. You will never go wrong by loving your wife and being a servant in love to your family by putting them first. Jesus is clear about how our hearts should be towards others.

        1. Brian,

          We know Rob. He is a servant to his wife and loves her unconditionally. He does everything and anything for her, yet she still treats him terribly. She has a rebellious heart and when a wife has a rebellious heart, there isn’t much a husband can do to reach her, unfortunately, except to pray and wait upon the Lord.

  3. Lori, I have a question. My dad is visiting us, and this morning he scolded me for serving my 13 year old son breakfast, which was a bowl of cereal. I only make large breakfasts on weekends, so if I had made a large breakfast I would be serving that to the family. My dad says that he should get his own cereal and that he is way too old to be served by his mother. I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal…my son does help around the house so it’s not that he is lazy. What do you think?

    1. I still serve my sons when they are in my home. I always made them their meals and took care of their laundry as long as they lived in our home. I loved taking care of them and still do whenever I have the opportunity to do so. Men need mothers, then wives. God created them this way and I see nothing wrong with serving your son in this way.

      1. I have been teaching my kids (5 and 8) “independence” and they will make their own food at times (cereal or sandwiches). Should I be preparing their food for them instead? Sometimes I make up their beds for them. Is this good to do or should I have them do it? I never thought about serving them too much and when/when not to until this post.

        1. My children made their own beds but I fixed their food for them. I believe it’s an individual choice, Michelle, and there’s no right or wrong. I didn’t teach my sons to be homemakers or do things around the home. They changed the oil on the car, fixed things, carried heavy things for me, and did yard work but they both help their wives around the home and with the children. The key is to teach them the ways of the Lord and to be servanthearted, plus the value of working hard is very important.

          1. We taught all of our children the same things, irregardless of gender. Our sons needed to know how to cook, clean, shop, budget garden & mend clothes since they will be living out on their own before marriage (or might never marry) and need to know how to fend for themselves. We have taught our sons that, after marriage, their wives will not be their mothers, coming behind them, constantly cleaning up after them and they will need to be responsible and tidy in order to help keep their homes running smoothly. Especially if their wives become sick or disabled. We also taught all of our daughters to change and check the oil, change a tire, basic car and home upkeep, hand to hand self defense, how to mow, weedeat, back a trailer up and basic home repair troubleshooting, as they will might well be living on their own for awhile before marriage (or they might never marry.)

            Earning money, building credit, budgeting, cleaning and cooking are skills we all need to know and as parents it is our job to prepare our children to function in the real world on their own. We don’t know what the future for each child will hold so we have tried to make sure our kids are as well rounded as possible.

        2. My husband thanked me this week for having taught to our sons to fix meals and do other home-related things (laundry, cleaning, grocery list, grocery shopping, etc.)
          We only have sons and we thought it would be useful that they would know these things.
          Now one of our sons (17) is in Ukraine for 2 months and he does these things by himself, and my husband is happy that our son is able to do that !
          I think that we can teach them autonomy and serve them ! We can prove our love for them in multiple ways !
          In all those questions we have as mothers, we need to seek God’s wisdom !

    2. I still fix food for my 18 year old son. I fix it at the same time that I fix his father’s plate. Yes, he can do it himself and has, but I enjoy serving them both. At family gatherings, I am usually the one that fixes everyone their plate of dessert as well. I don’t have a problem with it. My son does know how to wash clothes ect… but he mainly does as Lori described– the heavy lifting, yard work ect… Honestly, I feel like he has to see enough “gender equality” mess in the real world. I have no problem being a servant, it is what I was created for– to serve my husband, so it just overflows to our son. I hope that when he finds a spouse he chooses one that doesn’t mind serving her husband and her children and others. Just from a personal standpoint, I feel like it is a way I can show my family that I love them and care about them.

  4. Hi Brian I couldn’t agree more with your comments. We have been married 18 years and this morning after reading the post I thought it maybe a good opportunity to try to encourage others that it is ok because sometimes we have to take 10 steps backwards to take 1 forward but that’s ok as long as there is 1 forward the leads to hope And hope is what Jesus gives us. That’s why as much as we want to give up sometimes (wives or husbands) we can’t

    Older woman(not that I’m calling Lori old :). Lori is the perfect example of hope for us all. Ken and Lori struggled for many years and yet neither of them gave up and look st them now. They are giving there lives to helping and encouraging other Christians not to give up on there marriage no matter what.

    The bottom line is, we have to ask ourselves this question–are we humble enough to allow an older mature Christian woman to mentor help and encourage the wives
    And are we humble enough as husbands to allow older wise mature men to do that for us husbands. If we did then I would say our marriages would be in better shape

    as for anonymous comment about her dad I would respectfully say that serving your son in your home is a nice thing to do as long as your not being advantage of or anything like that. It’s hard when our parents say things or as you say “scold” in our own homes

    We are to serve others and do what we can for others

    As a husband and dad I cook meals and clean when I can my problem though I get sometimes get taken advantage of and criticized for my efforts 🙂

    1. I am sorry, Rob. It is important for spouses to be kind to each other, even when we bumble stuff up. The Gottman Institute (one of our favorite places for marriage research) recently ran a piece about the number one factor of a good steady marriage holding together was spouses being kind & uncritical of each other. Secondly was always respecting each other and continually “turning towards each” throughout the day and their life together. It was very enlightening research and something I have found to be true in my 30 years of marriage.

      Will be praying for you both. If you haven’t already, i suggest counseling by a trained & licensed therapist.

  5. Lori,
    I agree with your analysis concerning Mark 10:18 – Jesus wasn’t denying His goodness, He was making a point that the man who called Him good was on the right track! This post also brought to mind Luke 6:40, “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher.” We are instructed in the bible to live like Christ and when we are perfectly trained, then we will be good like Him! Until then, it’s a great privilege and joy to keep trying.

    I also wanted to confide that this blog has been an enormous boost for self-discipline in my faith, and I just want to thank you, Lori, and all those who comment with such encouragement and wisdom. When I first married my husband, I’m ashamed to admit I tried to punish him by making him do his own laundry since I felt like a “slave” doing all the housework while we both worked full-time. Now I’m realizing how selfish that was, and how it contributed to a lot of issues in my marriage. More than a decade later and I’m now a stay-at-home mom, and since reading this blog, I’ve tried to make really conscious efforts to relinquish my “slave” mentality and make it more of a “servant” mentality – a servant of Christ, and a help-meet for my husband. I can’t believe how appreciative my husband is over something so simple as clean underwear in the drawers. I had to fight tears thinking about all the years I ignored his needs this way. And it makes me so happy making him happy!

    One more thing: shake the dust off your feet regarding the nay-sayers – you are helping to mend hearts and homes. God Bless this blog and God Bless you, Lori, and your family, for your courage and commitment to the Lord. Amen! 🙂

  6. I think there are life skills, regardless of gender, that people need to know how to do. My 14 year old son is being taught to cook and clean because he needs to know how to take care of himself and children if his wife is sick or injured or away for some reason. I do not serve his plate. In our house, we all fix our own plate from the stove then head to the table to eat.

    My 16 year old daughter can mow the yard and check the oil in the car/air in the tires.

    None of this has anything to do with gender equality because we do pretty much stick to the traditional gender roles. I’m just not going to have my children have an entitlement attitude and always expect someone else to do for them. Plus, if they don’t marry until a little later, they need to know how to take care of themselves and their own home.

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