The Extinction of Honeymoon Babies

The Extinction of Honeymoon Babies

“I recently received a Christmas card from the most traditional Christian family I know in real life. As is typical of Christmas cards, it contained updates on each family member. I was saddened, though not surprised, to find that the card listed the professional accomplishments of each grown and married daughter, including progress on Master’s degrees. These women all married young and are still of childbearing age but none have any children, having chosen at least for the present to focus on careers and educational pursuits.

“It seems clear to me that the current ‘Christian’ marriage model of ‘equal partners’ is in fact a functionally homosexual relationship, by which I mean that there is no clear delineation of roles between husband and wife, and the wife does not depend financially or in any other way on the husband. The only real distinction between husband and wife is that the wife could bear children if she chose to do so. If she does choose to bear children, she is unlikely to interrupt her career or educational pursuits to care for them as a full-time mother and homemaker. And if she does choose to pause her career and care for children, she will be constantly assailed by the grievance mongers peddling discontentment with her choice.

“It appears to me that Satan has almost completely won the war on marriage and families with the full support of many ‘Christians’ and their organizations. I am aware of no institution that still supports traditional Christian marriage.” (Anonymous)

Most Christians these days don’t value children. “What type of birth control are your going to use?” friends may ask a young woman who is about to get married since, “God forbid she have a honeymoon baby. No, the couple needs to travel and enjoy each other before having children.” I know of too many married women who are continuing to pursue their careers rather than having children or being home raising them if they have children.

Recently on the male/female hour that Dennis Prager has every Wednesday, he told us that he travels often and has asked many young women under 30 this question: “If you could have a successful career or a successful marriage which would you choose?” Fifty percent of them answer, “A successful career.” This is tragic and it’s especially tragic when young Christian women are choosing their careers over having children. An essential part of marriage is having children. Why do you think God created sex and commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply? He wants godly offspring.

These young women are chasing after ashes since when it’s all said and done and when they are old with wrinkles and gray hair, their careers will be meaningless. They are giving up the best things in life for a fake imitation of “fulfillment” and/or “dreams.” Child bearing and raising children should be young women’s dreams! It’s what God created them for. He didn’t create them for careers. He created men for careers to provide for their families. It’s all so messed up.

God’s will for young women isn’t to marry, then continue in their careers until they feel like having babies. NO! It’s “marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14). Young women have been deceived by the enemy of their souls. Feminism isn’t about giving women choices. It’s about brainwashing them so they won’t want God’s choice for them.

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:15

65 thoughts on “The Extinction of Honeymoon Babies

  1. This is sad indeed. Why get married if you don’t want kids. I blame feminism and egalitarianism. It would be a blessing to get my future wife pregnant on our honeymoon.

  2. Yes! When I was growing up, and into my twenties, the term “honeymoon baby” was one of absolute contempt. In other words, those poor fools didn’t know how to use birth control. Thank goodness my thinking has been reversed, and I am now so excited to hear of a honeymoon baby – such a blessing!

  3. I understand Anonymous’s point about egalitarianism, but object to the description “functionally homosexual.” Even a fully pagan marital union between man and woman is still creating the one-flesh bond, although it is not providing a good picture of Christ and the church. This is a completely different animal than homosexual relationships, and even a flawed marriage should in no way bear comparison with these relationships.

    1. He’s referring to the man and his wife going off each day to make money. They are independent of each other but doing the same exact thing. God set up the husband as the provider and the wife as his help meet. If the wife is able to have children, she should be having children and being a keeper at home. Birth rates in America are at historical low rates. Children have become a burden rather a blessing even among Christians, since most young women are taught their entire lives to pursue careers, not have babies. This is all he meant by the term.

      1. We currently know three young-ish couples who have followed this model and on 2/3 of the cases it is the husband delaying kids because not enough money yet.

        And the wives involved have no student loan debt.

        1. The “not enough money yet” is a lie many have believed too. They forget that God is their provider and that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Having children doesn’t need to cost nearly as much as “they” say they do. Many have raised children on very little and the children turn out great.

          “Discontentment is not an economic condition; it is a heart condition, and is therefore only affected by what is within, not the circumstances without. Children of truly poor families, but raised on smiles, hugs, and a spirit of togetherness, will think they are well off. Kids fed on beans, cabbage, and cornbread will think it is the best stuff in the world. Kids never know they are poor unless someone in the family gripes about it.” (Michael Pearl)

        2. When i started reading your blog, this was the most challenging for me to embrace. My heart was finding rest and purpose in your words but my mind was reeling. See i grew up in a christian home surrounded by christian families, went to a christian school, yet never heard this message. My identity was tied up in my studies and then building a career and business whilst strongly being encouraged by everyone around me. But o for the grace of God!!!!!! Today, ive given up my career and are homeschooling our kids and i wake up every day with the peace of God knowing Im in His Will. I praise God for your writings and sharing it so boldly with us.

  4. mom made it clear she resented her honeymoon baby. she ranted for years about the fault of the medical system in not telling/denying her birth control. she resented staying at home and always worked part time while blaming dad for not making enough. she pushed me as my wedding approached about birth control lest i have a baby and not be able to divorce quickly if I needed to. married over 30 yrs w/several kids no thanks to her-a pastors wife who claims to be a Christian! she is still bitter and unhappy and cannot understand why her children have distanced from her.

    1. I am so sorry for your experience. But I am thankful you didn’t take her bad advice! Praise the Lord!
      I was number 6 out of 7. My parents made it clear all of my life that my dad had only wanted 2, and my mom had only wanted 5. That left me and my younger brother on the “nobody wants” list. And yes, I felt it every single day growing up. However, when I was grown and desperately wanting more babies of my own (After 2 babies and then 3 miscarriages in a row.), I began to pity my mother for her selfishness. How sad that one could not want lots of children!! So I made a point to reach out to her in love. I had to lay down some rules of how I would interact with her (which I didn’t tell her about) to make sure the manipulation didn’t continue, and we actually developed a very good relationship.
      She opened her heart to me after a while and I found out about a lot of her pain during those years. For example, her father had been divorced before he met her mother (100 yrs ago!), and her own parents split up. Her parents had given away her identical twin at birth, and tried to give her away 3 times before someone finally kept her at the age of 15- an orphanage. She was raised completely without any affection of any kind. Such deep pain, unforgiven, had produced a bitter heart.
      But I also found out some noble things that had happened. For example she had indeed been pregnant with a honeymoon baby. And at 3 months she lost the baby, and kept bleeding. The doctor wanted to do a D&C because she could die otherwise. But she insisted she still had pregnancy symptoms and refused the D&C even at risk of her own life. My oldest brother is here today bc of that refusal! She lost his twin, but kept him!
      I am the only one of us 7 who will stop the slander when her name comes up; to the others she is free game. She has been gone 16 years and my only regret is not seeing earlier that she was a hurting human being that I could minister to. I would beg you to reach out to your own mother. God can use you to reach her. I am not excusing her sin, but just begging you to remember it is God’s patience that led us to repentance, and God can use you to be the picture of grace to her as well.
      However it turns out I would beg you to honor her in your speech and actions. Honor isn’t conditional on actions, it’s a command of God.
      And we become like what we focus on. If we, by refusing to forgive, focus on a person’s faults and sins against us, we will in turn often perpetuate those sins against those closest to us. If we forgive, we can then move on. All those things my mother refused to forgive her own mother for, she in turn did to her own children. And I see the same treatment of their children among my siblings who have refused to forgive our parents.

  5. Sigh….we have this in our family.

    My daughter in law has been pursuing a Phd in Opera (yes, OPERA!🙄) for the past 12 years!

    She has finally achieved this, and my son is keen on having a family.

    But my DIL is deeply indoctrinated in her lifestyle at this point. She enjoys the “prestige” of teaching at an upscale private university.

    She is 6 figures in debt, and makes barely $15/hr, as a part time adjunct staff with no benefits.

    Lest anyone think I’m an overbearing critical mother in law, I love my DIL. She is a very sweet young lady. But she is deeply indoctrinated with the scripts of feminism. She says she cant possibly now leave her “career” that she has invested the last 12 years working toward!

    THIS scenario is what she is trading for family life and children. Mind boggling.

    1. I just saw a mother and grown son in our neighborhood yesterday. Her son is 24 and I said to him, “Make sure you marry a woman who wants to have children. It seems most young women want careers instead of babies!” The mother immediately said, “Then I’m picking out his wife. I want grandbabies!” It’s a sad state of affairs when most young women value their careers over having children.

    2. I am so happy I left my prestigeous university to get married at age twenty! We began having children right away. We certainly got backlash from family and even people we barely knew. Finish college first, get jobs, etc then think of getting married. My husband quickly finished college our first year of marriage while working and I was also able to finish up school. my husband has a very high position and demanding job and makes a very good salary. We have four children ages 11 to 16 and people always ask about me going to work. Why would I do that? I love caring for them all making the home a peaceful place. I am busy enough as it is. Your blog and teaching is such an encouragement! Thank you Lori!

  6. Any Christian should not be surprised that the church is shrinking here in the US because we refuse to repopulate ourselves. We should also not be surprised at the resulting acceptance of sin in our society because Christians handed over our influence in the future when we underestimated the power over the future inside tiny babies.

    Our country is turning socialist as a direct result of Christians sitting back and living like the world. It is our own fault here in the US because our country was one of the few that was actually based on Judeo/Christian values. It truly is because generation after generation we Christians are not doing our jobs God calls us to. Now many are upset that people of other countries are coming in and out-populating us or upset that we have a growing non-Christian population. We truly have only ourselves to blame. Just like when Israel wanted to be like the other nations and worship false gods, it was their fault they got displaced. Likewise when we worship the false gods of money and travel and status here in the US it is our own fault we too are getting displaced.

  7. I’m a 35 year old unmarried virgin. Not all of us have the option to get married young. There wasn’t anyone decent who wanted me. I guess I’m just a complete failure in your eyes, even though I didn’t even choose this life.

    1. Whitney, I would never call you a complete failure. I actually wouldn’t call anyone that. The only command to women who have never married is to be holy in body and in spirit. You still may marry, Whitney. You never know what God’s plans are for you so you take one day at a time and grow in the wisdom and the knowledge of the Lord. He can use you in mighty ways if you are walking in truth. Here is a great post for the single and barren: https://thetransformedwife.com/what-about-barren-and-single-women/

      1. I think it is great that you have saved yourself! Also, 35 is not old at all. For most women, fertility starts to go down in the late 30s, not mid 30s. You may very well still get married and have children. And if it ends up being too late when you get married, you can adopt. Or you can freeze your eggs now if that is an option and have children later – lots of women are doing that these days.

        I’m sure it isn’t the case that no one wanted you. You might be struggling with low self-esteem issues, but you have worth for sure. I hope you work out your struggles and find the right man. I believe it can happen for you!

    2. Oh no! You can still get married. God bless you for saving yourself, a gift you will give your future husband that many can’t these days sadly. I have a friend who didn’t marry until close to your age :).

    3. I was almost 36 when I married….also a virgin & married the most amazing husband who had also saved himself for marriage. We just didn’t find each other until later in life. Now we’ve been married 9 1/2 years, and we have five wonderful children: 3 boys and 2 girls. I had the baby 6 weeks ago, and I’m 45 years old! It still can happen. Just keep doing the right thing and trust God to work out His plan for your life.

        1. I married at 21 but did not have my first child until 30 and had my fifth at 46. God’s ways are not our ways. Keep your eyes and heart on the Lord, he will direct your path.

          1. Forgot to say, we did use birth control early in our marriage. I did not know what I know now. I wish I had, because we tried to tell God what to do about having children. I’m so thankful that he was patient and merciful to us and giving us 5 children. He would have probably blessed us earlier had we not been so selfish!!

  8. We were married by our pastor in front of a few friends and family three months before our “big wedding.” My husband was hired at a new job on a Thursday, we were married on Saturday, and we moved into our first apartment together on Monday. The official marriage ceremony was pretty low key. Most in attendance at our big “second” wedding didn’t know we were already married. During the first few months before our official wedding, I was in constant anxiety of becoming pregnant, in case people would think we conceived out of wedlock and it somehow hurt our witness down the road.

    But I was pregnant with our first only four months after our second wedding. We celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last weekend and have 3 boys, ages 4 and under. I am supremely grateful we chose to get married young and have children first. I can’t imagine doing it the other way around and putting a career before family. God’s way is so fulfilling. It is sad that the majority of American women have willingly swallowed the poison of feminism.

  9. I was raised in a “Christian” family who really despised children, although they didn’t say it outright they made it pretty clear. Whenever anyone got pregnant no one ever seemed happy about it. They treated it like a necessary evil. I have since wised up and distanced myself from them because our Christian values don’t match in an way.

    I will just add that I do believe that God leaves room for the husband to prudently lead his family in this current generation- but families should also be making sure their priorities are straight and evaluating if they cherish the things that God cherishes or if their values are being shaped by American culture aka the world.

  10. It would be fascinating to be a “fly on the wall” on Judgment Day and to be able to hear what excuses self-professed “Christians” offer the Lord for having willfully chosen in life to reject His commandments on marriage and children.

  11. I’m a 58 yr old widower from a rural area. So if I am seeing these things in my “small town” area, I feel sorrow for the men dealing with city women. Sorry if I will sound “choppy” in my writing, I am just trying to make “bullet points” to keep this from being too long of a post. When I refer to women in my writing, it means BOTH unsaved and Christian women. There is no difference that I have been able to see in their behavior.

    Women nowadays do not want a marriage in a traditional sense. To them marriage is nothing more than a stepping stone in building their wealth. Marry a man, have a few children, than divorce for at least ½ of what the man has, 18 years of child support, and alimony. Even when the woman committed adultery. Move on and do it again.

    As for children, statistics show that 30% of children are calling the wrong man daddy because the woman committed adultery and even knows the child is not the husband’s.

    THAT IS AN AVERAGE OF 1 OF EVERY 3 CHILDREN is not the husband’s child.

    Maybe sometime Mrs Lori will do an article about overcoming when a spouse commits adultery.

    Women in my age range 50-60 yrs old, still are deeply in debt from student loans from their younger years, some are still going to college for more degrees, massive credit card debt and working a $8 an hour job while driving a $50,000 car with payments. When asked if they marry, would they quit their job. NOPE. The husband will pay all the bills while her paycheck gets spent on whatever she wants.

    I have been a widower for several years and have been looking at the available women locally and even on dating sites, both Christian dating sites plus regular sites. I can not tell a difference in Christian women and unsaved women…….
    Questions I am asked:
    Do I earn $100,000 a year – nope
    Do I own a big fancy house – nope
    Do I have an expensive car – nope

    What I hear woman say they are looking for in a man:
    They are looking for a “bad boy” that will treat them nice.
    I have heard MANY women say that……
    What is a “bad boy”
    He has a prison record, he has no job, he has several children with several women, he drinks, smokes, drugs and he physically beats his woman.
    So that lets me out because I do not do any of those things.

    I have been told by several women that I am too reliable, too dull and too boring because I work, support my family and don’t party.

    Women on welfare consider me beneath their status because they get more money than I earn. Or if they are interested, marriage is a no no because then sugar daddy government would stop the money if they get married.

    20-30 yr old women batting their eyelashes at me, saying they are interested in a 58 yr old man – HA!

    50-60 yr old women looking for a man to take them traveling over the country and world while she would “treat him nice” – HA!

    Women that have several children still at home and they have different daddies that would have a say in the marriage authority and the drama with that, but as soon as they hear I have children under 18 due to marrying late and being a widower with no ex wife drama, they are not interested in a man like that.

    I run a small wannabe homestead / hobby farm where I garden and raise some livestock for my own food. The women say that I am barbaric for doing that, as they sit there shoving a forkful of chicken breast into their mouths.

    And if a woman had to choose between keeping their job or keeping their marriage…..
    Sadly most times the woman says she will get rid of the husband and keep the job that she could lose the next day due to being fired, laid off or company closing…….

    Sorry Mrs Lori for being long winded.

    1. Feminism has infected Christian woman just as much as unbelievers. I just had a woman write to me and told me that she has never even heard what I taught. All she’s been taught is woman “empowerment” which actually means taking no responsibility. Biblical womanhood isn’t even taught in most churches.

      1. I agree with Lori, but it’s not just garden-variety feminism. It is a pernicious form of misandrist feminism, where men and masculinity are not just marginalized, but are made out to be an active evil. Many women are virtually slut-shamed for ever having sex with their husbands, like they are some kind of “sell-out to the sistahood,” and I’ve seen it in churches.

    2. Blair, maybe Whitney above would be interested. I tell my husband all the time that if I kick the bucket he should get a younger wife so he could have more children (although I think someone in their early 20s would be too young emotionally for him most likely).

      Similarly if the worst circumstances happened and I was left a widow I would look for an older man because my childbearing days are coming to a close and I wouldn’t want to waste the time of a man who would be looking for more children.

      1. As a virgin 28 year old, I certainly wouldn’t want to be the second marriage to an older man with children already. Men prefer debt free virgins without tattoos, and well frankly so do women. Nor would I encourage any daughter of mine simply because she’s considered older by some to settle for some that didn’t strive to meet the same standards she held herself up to.

        1. Exactly, a virgin woman in her 20s or 30s should not have to look to men her father’s age to marry! If she wants to have children, an older man may not want them, and also it may not even be a good thing for a man that age to have new children and possibly not even be around when they finish high school. It is almost an insult to suggest to a young woman that she needs to settle for this life after having saved herself for the right man for so long.

    3. If a “saved” woman is acting the same way as an “unsaved” woman I’m sorry but she is not “saved”. It’s easy for us to claim salvation but a tree is known by the fruit it bears.

    4. May I ask what sources you used for the claim of “30% of kids”? That’s a very big number and a very strong claim to make.

      1. David sir, no disrespect or rudeness intended. I learned a long time ago that if I gave people answers, they never believed it. So now I give info and have people look it up for themselves so that it is more believable to them. The internet is a vast source of info when you put in the keywords for searching. That is also how I found Mrs Lori’s blog about being a biblical woman among the vast sea of info about being a feminist blogs.

    5. Sir, as a 51 yr old widow with 4 children left at home I wish to answer you. I wouldn’t do this on FB bc you would see who I was and I don’t believe it’s a woman’s place to initiate anything. I will state at the end my one reason I would not be interested in you.
      I have given up on any dating sites bc of exactly what you are stating in your diatribe. You are correct in much of your assessment. But I believe you are wrongly pointing the finger at just women. It is most of humanity at this point. As a 51 yr old woman who had an incredible marriage, I would love to remarry a traditional man who wanted to be the leader/head of the home. What I have discovered is feminism has ruined most men as well. Most men now want to be taken care of by their wife’s salary as well as their own. They don’t want to be responsible for the family.
      Homestead? Yep, us too. We just raised and slaughtered almost 100 chickens. We have an entire freezer full of our chicken. We also get about 5 dozen eggs a day, most of which we eat ourselves. (I put them in almost everything, lol) The year my husband passed I finally had 5,000 plants in the ground. But I lost interest after I lost him, bc I was doing it for him. So now we simply grow our own tomatoes, okra, squash and a couple other things every year. Not much anymore. (Our land is clay, and not very fruitful is part of the problem as well.)
      When I thought about the possibility of remarriage I wrote down a list of non-negotiables. One thing on my list was the man had to love children. One of his griefs in losing his wife had to be that it meant no more children. He had to desire more children, and having several of his own was a big plus for me!
      You sound perfect to me, a 51 yr old widowed Christian woman.
      It’s tough out there for all of us that desire to live simple, godly lives. There aren’t many, men or women, who desire to live biblically these days.
      I have had 2 men chase me since my husband’s passing. One was divorced and didn’t want me to pray for reconciliation with his wife, and the other was 15 years younger than me, lol. (That was before widowhood had put grey in my hair and lines on my face. I still looked young, lol. He was shocked and embarrassed when he found out my age.)
      I’m not looking. The way I figure it is God is big enough to make it happen when, and if He wants it to. If He doesn’t want it to I don’t either.
      Tbh, you sound perfect for me, except for, quite honestly, you sound bitter at women. Please don’t be. Trust God that if He wants you to remarry He will send the right one, at the right time.
      God bless!

      1. My best friend lost her husband when she had three small children. She told me a few years later that the Lord would have to literally drop a man in her lap for her to marry. God did and now they’ve been happily married for many years! With God ALL things are possible. There will always be a remnant who love the Lord AND His ways.

        1. Misandrist Feminism is an evil on a par with Communism. It is a demon-fueled attempt to immaculate anyone who would have the strength oppose totalitarianism, globalism, and evil in all it’s myriad forms.

          1. unfortunately, we can’t edit after posting. Pardon my errors. immaculate = emasculate, and “the strength TO oppose…”

      2. Anonymous
        Ma’am, thank you for what was to me some words of encouragement.
        I would never be able to see you on FB because I don’t do facebook or any other social media. No desire to join any of them.

        As for only pointing my finger at women, it being a post about women, so that was who I was talking about. As a man, I’ll be the first to agree that the VAST majority of men are just as bad as the women I talked about in my post. I have daughters that will be of marrying age in a few years and I see VERY few men / boys that I would want anywhere near them.

        It is a shame that most men want their wives to work.
        My late wife did not work.
        I supported my family on my wages. It means living within a tight budget, which I am sure you are real familiar with doing.

        A man who loves children? – at a church I went to for many years, the children would all flock around me. It would be normal to have a bunch of extra children sitting in the pew with me and my family during service, after the children asked their parents permission to do so. Visitors to the church would often think they were all mine because of the way they were flocked around me. It was a normal thing for a child to walk up to me and raise their arms for me to pick them up. The LORD says children are a precious gift – they are.

        Am I bitter? Maybe a little.
        99% of what I feel is disgust in what I see in BOTH men and women, the way so called Christian men and women have rejected Jesus and His word.

        As for women showing interest in me, about 75% of them are married or have a man in their life. ½ of the women will only reluctantly admit to being married. I get away from them quickly.

        God says adultery is wrong.
        I have been on the receiving end of adultery, IT HURTS

        Sorry for being long winded again

        1. Blair,
          The Bible says that it’s not good for man to be alone!

          A like minded Christian woman who already lives and loves your (rural self-sufficient) lifestyle, knows what your income is, knows that you don’t have a big fancy house or drive an expensive car has (albeit Anonymously) come on your radar man! A woman who has a freezer full of home-grown chicken, collects 5 dozen eggs a day and at one time had 5,000 plants in the ground!!! A woman who is 7 years your younger, apparently looks young for her age and after reading your self assessment, declares that you “sound perfect” for her!

          What the heck are you waiting for man!?! Declare your interest, get this party started and I want to be invited to the wedding!

        2. Blair,
          It’s a plus that you aren’t on Social media! It’s a train wreck. The only reason I am on it is bc I was told my business (trying to support my family from home so I have started an internet business) wouldn’t get going good these days without it. But most of social media is a mess. For example, I have looked at Lori’s FB page and, oh my! but she does put up with the garbage!!!!!

          So, trust me, when the right old fashioned woman comes along she will appreciate you not being on it!

          I understand you were talking about women. Sorry if I jumped to a wrong conclusion. I tend to be harder on my own sex, and I guess I want men to be harder on themselves as well, lol.😜

          Yes, I am Scottish, so budgets are part of life. This world really isn’t our home so being wealthy shouldn’t be a goal. However, I would say a man needs to actually be able to support a family or he shouldn’t be looking for a wife. Perhaps a woman who asked about your income was making sure you made enough so that she didn’t have to work outside the home. I would want to know the man could support my family, not with abundance, but not in poverty either. I have lived on beans and rice, that’s fine. But I have also lived without being able to afford the gas to get to church bc it was 11 miles away…no, I would not choose that kind of poverty if given the choice. However, I would say, if given the choice between that kind of poverty to a godly man, or riches to a less godly man, I would choose the godlier man, not the wealth. I have been both places in my one marriage (before God saved him we were well off, and after we weren’t), and found poverty with a godly man a lighter burden that wealth with an ungodly man.

          I understand the frustration with the way so called Christians act. That is us without Christ as well! A dog returns to his own vomit, and a pig to wallowing in the mire!

          If I can offer you one tip it would be thanking God for your trials and struggles. As I looked at my husband’s dead body a pastor came in and asked to pray with me. I gladly said yes. But I didn’t expect what came next. He prayed and thanked God for taking my husband bc it was the perfect plan of God for our lives. I walked up to him at the viewing and thanked him because I knew I couldn’t say those words yet, but I also knew my heart needed to thank God for the deep trial we were just plunged into! Thankfulness prevents bitterness. There is a verse that is often quoted that says to thank God IN all things, but there is an often overlooked verse that also says to thank God FOR all things. He is sovereign! In the depths of pain (I was widowed suddenly in my early 40s with several children ages 5-14. I had already lost both parents and several children. I lost most of my support network after I lost my husband, bc as my pastor told me,”Hurting people are difficult to be around.” So yes, I know how deep pain can be.) God is still good, and thanking Him for the trials really does align our hearts with His in the trial.

          I am sorry for you having to endure the pain of adultery!

          That is a difficult trial I haven’t tasted. Thank God He has given you the wisdom to flee from the future adulterous women!
          God bless.

      3. Mrs Lori
        Is it possible, and would you forward my email to the lady Anonymous in the post above? This way I would be initiating contact with her; and she and I could talk even if nothing else develops. Thanks.

  12. When word got around about a friend announcing a pregnancy 3 mos. after the wedding, the comments were mostly things like, “Poor Jane. A honeymoon baby. Not even time to get settled into married life.”

    Back when my mom had me, it took her a little over 5 yrs. to get pregnant. She was 25, almost 26. She got the opposite. “Why aren’t you pregnant yet? Have you seen the doctor? What’s taking so long?” In my baby book, there’s a baby shower card from her cousin that says, “Your prayers are answered!! You’ll finally have your beautiful baby!”

    1. This post isn’t in order to be critical of those who can’t have children. It’s only to encourage women to be open to life once they get married. Birth rates are the historically low in the US since many young women value their careers over having children.

  13. I wonder if it’s the husbands who don’t want want children. I have seen that in my circle of friends. It is so hard to submit to a husband’s order to use birth control!

  14. We got pregnant on our honeymoon three years ago; tragically it was an ectopic pregnancy, and I lost it. Our honeymoon was the best week- so relaxing, full of love and fun, and finding out we were expecting soon after- it just made the memories even sweeter! It took a long time to look back on that week with happy memories, and even longer to get rid of the feeling that I wouldn’t be happy with a “normal Tuesday night baby.” We’ve had no luck since then- two chemical pregnancies I lost within the first few weeks, but I’d give anything for that sweet first baby back!

    1. I’m so sorry. I lost my first baby to a miscarriage but thankfully, was pregnant again soon with my oldest daughter who was infertile for 7 1/2 years but now holds a 4 month old baby boy in her arms. You must remind yourself that God is good and His plan for you is good even when it doesn’t feel like it. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Rom. 8:28) One thing my daughter and her husband decided to do was to not allow infertility to steal their joy nor be defined by it. Of course, they grieved over it at times but they wouldn’t allow the grief to overwhelm them. Walk by faith and not by sight. (My mom was infertile for 7 1/2 years too, then went on to have three daughters.) Get as healthy as you can, pray daily, then rest in Him.

  15. Our first child was a honeymoon baby and although it was a huge surprise to become pregnant so quickly my husband and I always believed it to be an amazing blessing.

    God has a plan for every marriage and it is for us to submit ourselves to his plan. If you are not ready to welcome his gift of children you should ask yourself whether you are truly ready for marriage.

  16. I married my husband very quickly and we have waited for children. I expressed to female family members my desire for children but I was frequently met with: children ruin your life, children ruin your marriage, wait, finish school. I didn’t know my family held these beliefs but I let it influence me. God worked on my heart and eventually I stopped birth control and am no pregnant with my first! I now worry about being fertile enough to have time to have the size of family that we want to have! No use worrying now. God is faithful and allowed me to become pregnant quickly. We are already talking about trying for our second! We battle with old ideas we accepted but focus on what a blessing children are. There is no place I can leave a more meaningful mark than I’m the hearts and minds of my children :).

      1. Well, Lori, the one thing that comes to my male mind is “to nurture your marriage.” It was my experience and that of countless new husbands, that the day the stick turned blue, the marriage ended. I was reading another forum that focuses on sexless marriages, where the discussion was about “the 3-5 things that are more important to your wife than nurturing her relationship to you.” The answers were a hoot! albeit a very sad hoot. The number one answer was “anything concerning the kids.”

  17. “The only real distinction between husband and wife is that the wife could bear children if she chose to do so.”
    Add to this the fact that because of how the legal system is structured, husbands have effectively been demoted from leader of the family to “deputy parent”, which adds fuel to the growing phenomenon of men not marrying or at least delaying marriage to the point that having children is not realistic.

  18. Hi Lori, I’ve been wanting to know your opinion / biblical viewpoint on this: what are your thoughts on unmarried women above the age of 30 or 40 who pursue motherhood on their own, since they do not yet have husbands (or men in their lives that could potentially become their husbands) and very much desire to be mothers? The methods of doing so include adoption or using a sperm donor. For me, I’ve always said that if I am not married by my late 30s I’d look into become a mother via a different route such as what I mentioned in the previous sentence. (Yes, I know that I could still get married in my 40s and could still get pregnant). What are your thoughts??

    1. Sister, I would encourage you to get involved in an abortion ministry or an orphanage type ministry. I agree with Lori that a child needs a mother and a father. We should never intentionally orphan a child. However, God does have that right and He may see fit to bring you a child that otherwise would be murdered. As a widow whose husband had decided to adopt, I no longer have that right. However, I did attempt to adopt when a friend’s niece got pregnant out of wedlock and we all knew she would abuse the child. She is now living with another man, and he has men living with them, and she has women living with them. (Yes, all sexual relationships. It’s only a matter of time until that baby is abused sexually.) It’s a mess! I do think in such circumstances it is a good thing to adopt. Think of Gladys Alward (I don’t think I spelled her name right. I am referring to the Chinese -I think- missionary who became a single mother to many orphans, bc she found them being sold in the streets.), and pursue motherhood that way only.

  19. The $64,000 question that nobody is asking or answering is: “What is marriage, and what is its purpose?”

    To a the majority of people out there, marriage is nothing more than a socioeconomic living arrangement policed by the government, rather than a sacred covenant between a man, a woman and God.

    In a supreme twist of irony, the secular world has made marriage irrelevant and unnecessary, except as a stable framework with which to raise children.

    Bottom line: If she is not interested in bearing your children, why marry her?

    1. To a the majority of people out there, marriage is nothing more than a socioeconomic living arrangement policed by the government, rather than a sacred covenant between a man, a woman and God.

      That majority includes the bulk of Christians. Most pastors I know of will refuse to marry a couple unless they’ve first obtained the State’s permission (i.e., a civil marriage license). Yet these same pastors can’t be bothered to require the couple to go through formal pre-marital counseling to ensure that they are prepared to live their marriage in accordance with God’s design. Horrific. This goes a long way toward explaining the state of what passes for the “church” today, as well as why “Christian” marriages fail at a rate not significantly smaller than those of non-believers.

  20. Please pray for me and my husband. We have been married for almost 2 years and I have been working at home part time to ensure that I can be a good mother and wife but unfortunately our prayers haven’t been answered as yet for Godly and Righteous seeds to raise on this earth. I am feeling discouraged but still hopeful. Thank you

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