Clearing Up Some Misconceptions

Clearing Up Some Misconceptions

In the past few weeks, I have written two posts (here and here) about something that Mary Kassian wrote for The Gospel Coalition. She contacted me and sent me the following email. I was thankful she did and I was thankful to hear that she agrees with the way the Bible lays out Biblical Womanhood. We still may not agree completely on everything but for the sake of clarity and as “iron sharpens iron,” here is her email to me:

Dear Lori,

It has come to my attention that you are representing me as:

Twisting the meaning of headship to make it null and void and not teaching that wives are to live in submission to their husbands.
Not believing that headship means authority.
Hating the term patriarch.
Instructing young women that to get married and have children is wrong.
Greatly disliking biblical womanhood, marriage, children, and stay-at-home mothers.

I can assure you that none of these assertions are true. My views on biblical womanhood are most extensively outlined in my Bible Study, “True Woman 101: Divine Design.”

Let me provide some additional context for The Gospel Coalition post on which you are basing your judgement. I wrote that post in 2012 as a polemic (rebuttal), after Rachel Held Evans published her book, “A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman found herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband Master.” At the time, the internet was rife with people who vociferously argued that “complementarianism” was defined by the June Cleaver or Stepford Wife caricature, and the ridiculous reductio ad absurdum stereotype Rachel presented.

The Bible’s view on womanhood is not defined by this feminist caricature. It recognizes that although marriage and children are God’s good plan for most women, singleness is His good plan for some (1 Corinthians 7).

Perhaps you are unfamiliar with my books, or unaware of the context of this 2012 post. I can assure you that I would never wish to cast a negative light on marriage, motherhood, and homemaking –which I view as holy callings. Nor would I ever wish to give the impression that headship is devoid of authority or that wives are not directed by Scripture to submit to their husbands. As to the word “patriarchy,” my view is that its meaning has been hijacked–much like the word “gay.” The Bible clearly supports the concept of patriarchs, such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and others (Acts 7:8-9).

In perusing your blog, I suspect that our views are far more aligned than you may think. I do appreciate your passion for the Word and for Biblical Womanhood. Upholding God’s good design for gender is desperately needed in this day and age.

I would be happy to clarify my views for you, if need be, or to answer any other questions and concerns that you might have.


Mary Kassian

She also wrote me and told me that she was going to ask The Gospel Coalition to add a clarifying note to that post, so that readers are made aware of the context, and understand that the post was a rebuttal against the negative stereotypical characterizations of Biblical Womanhood put forth by Rachel Held Evans and others. I just checked out the post and The Gospel Coalition did add the disclaimer, thankfully.

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18

17 thoughts on “Clearing Up Some Misconceptions

  1. Glad you guys came to some common ground. Do you think some women are called to singleness? She used 1 Cor 7 but I’m not sure that was referring to women.

  2. I don’t think women are actually called to singleness. The Apostle Paul was and some men who “don’t burn” (which are very few in number) in order to preach the Gospel and live their lives wholly for the Lord but women aren’t called to preach the Gospel as men are. Yes, some women are single but I believe that God’s ideal is for women to marry, bear children, and guide the home. Some women think they are “called” to singleness since they haven’t married but it doesn’t mean they won’t marry. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth thought she was called to singleness but married at 50 years old. The command to unmarried women is to be holy in body and in spirit so this is what they must do regardless of whether or not they marry. Women are more protected and provided for when they are married to good men.

  3. Agree. Women since Genesis were created to have male headship over them. From their fathers to husband (as well as in the church). Women not under headship are more easily attacked by the enemy. Look what happened when Eve came up from under Adam and disobeyed him by not listening to him but the serpent.

  4. Though I disagree that God call some singleness, I agree that women are to submit to their husbands and that he has authority over her. I believe that God calls all men to be married. For he did say in Genesis, it is not good for man to be alone, so he made him a wife and the 2 became one. And despite the fact that even-Christian women don’t think he has authority, The bible clearly states he does. A lot of women call that sexist and oppressive even Christian women, but they do not have the right understanding. But if they clearly understood scriptures I believe they would think differently, hopefully. I am in total greement with this email.

  5. Lori,
    I have to tell you. Sitting at home all day serving a man and watching screaming kids all day sounds like hell on earth. I will never, ever,ever,ever have that be my life. No thanks!

    But, I do love your blog. Hope your winter is going great!

  6. We didn’t allow our children to scream. When you’re home raising children and caring for a home, you can’t sit all day. There are many things to keep a woman busy at home. Leaving my home each morning, driving in traffic, working and serving a boss under fluorescent lighting all day, stopping to get fast food on the way home, and then coming home exhausted to a empty house sounds more like hell on earth to me.

  7. Sorry, Drea, the Marxist media, schools, and tech companies have indoctrinated you and tens of millions of other women to think having children, and loving them, and a husband and caring for a home, is some kind of drudgery or slavery. In reality, as a result of rejecting this, 25% of women today are on psychotropic drugs.

    It’s very sad. Yet, the globalists knew that to tear down America, you had to ’empower’ the woman, get her in school, and at work, and make her despise marrying young and having children. They have done a brilliant sales job at convincing Americans, particularly naive and gullible women, to destroy and exterminate themselves, and to be replaced by third worlders who rarely easily assimilate.

    The tragedy is we could choose not to destroy ourselves, and yet that is heresy to you and so many others.

  8. I am at home all day( I have been for twenty years) but I have certainly never and will never have time to sit. I have never felt it has been hell on earth. My children are at home twenty-four/seven with me.( I very proudly homeschool them) They never scream because my husband and I taught them not to. Hell on earth would be sending them into the care of someone else so I can go serve someone besides my husband behind a desk all day. No thank you. My husband loves me like Christ loves the Church, no boss could or would ever do that. Serving my husband like God commands is not hell on earth. My husband cherishes me and protects me. If you are a Christian woman and read the Bible I don’t understand how you can have this mentality towards your husband and children.( if you are married with children) There is no greater job on earth than raising the next generation. Mothers decide the future of our world by how well we partner with God and our husbands to raise our children. If Mothers don’t stay home and teach their children not to scream then when they are grown and leading our country then that will be hell on earth, Drea!

  9. Mary Kassian sounds like a very gracious and well-spoken lady. Thank you for sharing her email.

  10. I have read that article and didn’t agree with her on some of these things, especially this, “She is to ‘submit herself’— deciding when and how to submit is her call.” But that’s all I will say about it. People will have to read her writings and come to their own conclusions.

  11. This is an incredibly encouraging post. To see believers lovingly provide correction for misunderstanding and to humbly accept that the clarification of what another believes is a Godly example to all of your readers. Thank you for sharing this.

  12. Thanks Kevin and Lori for these comments. I cannot see that the Bible calls women to “singleness.” This has spread because of feminism; many women have more trouble getting married these days because of it. Paul points out the focus of an unmarried woman in I Cor. 7, but that is not a call for women to be or remain unmarried. This happens because of sin.

    We must test our circumstances in the light of God’s word and not assume that just because a certain circumstance exists, it must be God’s will. The will of God is plainly laid out for both young and aged women in the Bible {I Timothy 5:14; Titus 2:3-5}; it has not and is not going to change. Besides, women were created by God from the man for the man and cannot complete His will without a man. They are not to be independent. It makes no logical or Biblical sense to say that women are called to be unmarried.

    {P.S. – I believe Nancy Wolgemuth married at the age of 58 for the first time back in 2016!}

  13. Agree! God created women by man for the man. It doesn’t make sense to say a woman should be single her whole life. Its the main point of her existence to glorify God by being a help meet to her husband.

  14. Thank you all for your comments 🙂
    I do not have kids or a husband-and don’t want either.

    But I understand where you all are coming from.
    Much love!

  15. I read her page and I agree. What she was saying is women do not have to consent to ungodly demands that will damage their spirituality, physical or mental health. That men are under a headship themselves. I agree with her. Sometimes women cannot submit “in everything” as a lot of men ask for things that are dangerous, illegal or immoral. That’s where you say “no”.

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