Virtuous or Rottenness in His Bones?

Virtuous or Rottenness in His Bones?

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4).

Whenever I read verses specifically directed towards women, I want to study them. I want to understand them and remember them to either aspire to be like them (the positive traits) or not be like them (the negative traits). We forget so easily and this is why we need to be in the Word daily.

I read the verse above the other day and wanted to study what the commentaries had to say about it.

Gill’s Exposition: “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband – One that is loving and chaste, constant and faithful, obsequious (promptly obedient) and submissive to him; that is diligent in the affairs of her house, takes care of her family, brings up her children, and is an honour and credit to her husband. Such is the true church of Christ, who is compared to a woman, Revelation 12:1; to a woman of purity and chastity, whose members are virgins, not defiled with the corruptions, errors, and superstition of the apostate church; to a woman of fortitude and courage, who resists sin, temptation, error, heresy, and idolatry, even unto blood; and whose true members love not their lives unto death, but freely lay them down in the cause of truth; such an one is an honour to Christ her husband.”

Are you promptly obedient when your husband asks you to do something? Are you diligent in the affairs of your home since being a keeper at home is what God has called you to do? Are you careful to not allow your children to be corrupted by the sin in this world? Do you diligently teach them the truths found in God’s Word?

Many women are being led astray by some of the female Bible teachers/preachers today in apostate churches who allow women to preach. They teach things that are not biblical and fail to teach what God has commanded them to teach women, namely biblical womanhood. They pull things out of verses that are not there. They want personal revelations from God. They rebuke Satan and listen for “special revelations” given to them by God. We must be diligent to not be led astray by these teachings. The only way to do this is to be in the Word consistently so that when we hear false teaching, we will distinguish it as such immediately.

“But she that maketh ashamed; makes her husband ashamed, by her levity (not steady in emotions) and wantonness (wickedness), her negligence and slothfulness, so that he is ashamed to be seen with her, or to be known that he stands in such a relation to her; she is as rottenness in his bones; a constant grief to his mind, a pressure upon his spirits, a wasting of his body, and a consumption of his estate; she is, as the Targum has it, ‘as a worm in wood,’ which rots and consumes it. Thus the apostate church of Rome, that professes to be the spouse of Christ, has made him ashamed of her; as being the Jezebel, that seduces his servants to fornication or idolatry; and whose doctrine and superstition eat, like a canker, the vitals of religion.”

How do women cause their husbands to be ashamed? By allowing their emotions and feelings to control their lives. This causes their husbands to walk on eggshells around them since their husbands have no idea what kind of a mood their wives will be in. Their wives control the atmosphere of the homes, and it’s a destructive atmosphere these wives are creating. These women are involved in wickedness by being swept away by evil TV shows and movies, gossip, and other activities that tear their marriages and families apart. Their homes are a mess because they think only about themselves and their fleshly pleasures. They are lazy and care not for their families. These women are as rottenness in their husbands’ bones.

“Such a woman is not simply loving and modest and loyal, but is a crown to her husband; is an honour to him, adorns and beautifies his life, making, as it were, a joyous festival. One who is a terrible contrast to the woman of strong character – weak, indolent (lazy), immodest, wasteful. Is as rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 14:30; Habakkuk 3:16). Such a wife poisons her husband’s life, deprives him of strength and vigour; though she is made ‘bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh’ (Genesis 2:23), far from being a helpmate for him, she saps his very existence. Septuagint, ‘As a worm in a tree, so an evil woman destroyeth a man.’ Siracides has much to say, ‘A wicked woman abateth the courage, maketh an heavy countenance and a wounded heart: a woman that will not comfort her husband in distress maketh weak hands and feeble knees’ (Ecclus. 25:23).”

Do you adorn your husband’s life and make it beautiful? Is it a joy for him to live with you or are you a burden for him? Do you shop carefully and live within his income or are you wasteful and cause your husband much frustration and sorrow? Are you satisfied with your life and husband or are you continually tearing him down with your words and emotions by comparing him to others and never being accepting of him?

 “A wife who is pious (godly), prudent, and looks well to the ways of her household, who makes conscience of her duty, and can bear crosses; such a one is an honour and comfort to her husband. She that is the reverse of this, preys upon him, and consumes him.”

Do you bear the sufferings and trials that God allows in your life and understand that God is refining you, therefore, you don’t grumble and complain about it? If so, you are a virtuous wife to your husband. Or do you consistently speak negatively and oppressively to your husband about how difficult your life is and pull him down by the weight of your unhappiness? Then you are rottenness in his bones.

Make sure you carefully examine your lives, dear women, and stand fast in the faith and in God’s will for your lives!

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD; she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:30, 31

24 thoughts on “Virtuous or Rottenness in His Bones?

  1. This is such a wonderful reminder of how I, as a woman, should be on a consistent basis. Between the culture we live in and my own flesh, I truly need these reminders continually. I have to be in scripture and prayer daily. When I let those slip, I slide more quickly into my own selfish ways. But I also want to mention that encouragement from like minded women on being a godly wife is very important. In my journey I have found those precious few souls that refresh me in this are pure gold. Some are here in my area, and some write blogs that I look forward to reading.
    Blessings on you Lori for writing this beautiful post….

  2. This is the second of your articles this week, Lori, that I have printed out to put permanently in my to-read-often notebook. You’re doing awesome work! Thank you!!


  3. Thank you Lori!! I took off Facebook from my phone so I find myself going to your website more to read edifying things. Thank you for encouraging and challenging us to be wonderful helpmeets to our husbands!

  4. Thank you Lori!
    This is the second post in a row that has truly convicted me. I have so much to work on.

  5. I am going to do this! (Take FB off my phone)
    It’s only very recently that I realised just how addicted to it I am, and how damaging it is.

  6. Does this mean that you should never disagree with your husband? Say for example you are planning your garden. You both have your own favourite plants. Do/should you compromise or go with your husband’s choice? There are many other examples. Just because I don’t always agree with him doesn’t mean I love him any less. I reckon that after 34 years we are doing pretty good!

  7. Wives are to obey their husband in everything according to the Word of God unless their husbands ask them to do something contrary to God’s Word!

  8. Ephesians 5:22-24

    22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

    23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

    24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    Submit/obey in everything except things that are sinful……submission to God comes first :).

  9. Why is the simple concept of Chain of Command so difficult for modern women to accept and understand? Every man instinctively get it, esp. any man who’s been in the military. Is a lt. of less value to God than his Captain? Is the Captain smarter? Often the opposite… but that still doesn’t negate that God works through Chain of Command! It’s a universal principal. The Centurian who proclaimed “I am a man under authority” received Jesus’ highest praise. Women, buy a vowel!

  10. Excellent, convicting and encouraging. Not a popular teaching, to be sure. But biblical all the way. Many thanks from Puerto Rico where I serve the Lord joyfully with my husband and two little boys.

  11. I agree with your answer to Amanda, but I’m not sure that’s what she was asking. She should submit to her husband of course, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t also be able to disagree and advise him. In fact, I think it’s important that she offers opinions that may lead him to better, wiser decisions.

    The husband is ultimately responsible for making the final decision, but that decision is probably best when it at least considers input from his wife. A husband could completely ignore his wife of course, but that would be foolish as his wife can be a very helpful resource in finding the best course of action, assuming time permits. The husband still has both authority and responsibility for the decisions made.

  12. A man who is not a spoiled, entitled brat will most likely want you to cultivate a garden of both your favorites. Happy planting.

  13. I think here the easy thing to do would be to say: I am planting xyz, those are my favorites. Are there any more that you’d like me to plant?

  14. Hi Lori. I would like to clarify your reply to Amanda. You said that wives are to obey their husbands in everything. Does this mean that a wife doesn’t have a choice in day to day activities, clothes (some men prefer their wives to wear certain styles , or even colors), music? I am asking so that as a newly minted Christian I can obey him.

  15. I believe God wants women to have a meek and quiet spirit for many reason. Yes, she can give her opinions at times but she doesn’t always need to give them. She can willingly obey as we willingly are to obey the Lord. Women are great at giving their opinions. They need to learn to be quiet and submissive more than they need to be taught this.

  16. If Jesus was not a spoiled, entitled brat, He would most likely want you to do what you want to do also. Happy living.

    Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands AS UNTO THE LORD…. in everything.

  17. I think here the easy thing to do would be to say: Jesus, I am doing xyz today, these things are my favorites. Are there any things that you’d like me to do for you today also?

    Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands AS UNTO THE LORD…. in everything.

  18. The word translated as “everything” in this verse is the Greek Word “pas”.

    Strong’s Concordance – 3956
    pas: all, every
    Original Word: πᾶς, πᾶσα, πᾶν
    Part of Speech: Adjective
    Transliteration: pas
    Phonetic Spelling: (pas)
    Definition: all, every
    Usage: all, the whole, every kind of.

    HELPS Word-studies
    3956 pás – each, every; each “part(s) of a totality” (L & N, 1, 59.24).
    3956 /pás (“each, every”) means “all” in the sense of “each (every) part that applies.” The emphasis of the total picture then is on “one piece at a time.”

    Everything really means every thing. Each and every part and one piece at a time, only modified by this…. The Bible teaches that all authority comes from God and that we must obey God before we obey man. If your husband asks you to do something that God has said not to do (sin), then you must obey God first. Otherwise, you are to submit to and obey your husband just as you would submit to and obey Jesus Christ Himself if He were the one living in the house with you.

    In day to day activities – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices your husband gives you.
    In clothes (styles , colors) – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices that your husband gives you.
    In music – YES SUBMIT. You have the choices your husband gives you.

    I N E V E R Y T H I N G…. SUBMIT. What time you go to bed, what time you get up, where you can go, who you can associate with, what church to attend, what you cook, how you cook it, the length of your hair, the color of your hair, how much makeup you can wear, where you live, how you decorate your house, how you clean your house, how you raise and discipline your children, how you educate your children…. I could go on and on and on and on and on… EVERYTHING!

    Where your husband gives you choices, make wise ones and he will likely give you more freedom but make bad choices and he will likely (for your best interest) reduce your freedom. Most husbands don’t want to dictate everything (far from it) but some things are important to them and when they say “I want xyz”, then you should say… yes lord… and then do it.

    God created marriage to be an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and the church where the Husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church. Just as the church is to submit to and daily be conforming itself to Christ… in everything, so also a wife should submit to and daily be conforming herself to her husband… in everything (with the only exception being sin).

  19. An element of this blog that concerns me in the comment section is the continued pattern of men expounding on Lori’s teaching and Scripture. Time and again, we’re told the primary audience of this blog is Christian women and that Lori is following Paul’s command for older women to teach younger women Biblical commands, but women are not to teach men. Obviously, men are free to do as they wish, but similar to addition, two numbers added together will reach a sum, and if those numbers are switched, the sum will remain the same. In this case, Lori claims that she is not teaching men, but by their comments, we can infer that they are, in fact, reading her teaching, so are they following Biblical mandates by allowing themselves to sit under a woman’s instruction?

    Which brings me to my next series of questions/concerns. We women come onto this blog to learn from Lori. I assume she has a male authoritative structure in place spiritually-her husband, and the elders of her local church. When she recommends sound Biblical teaching in addition to her own, the men she suggests we listen to/read are vetted, and I assume are accountable to an elder team and/or a Board of Christian men.

    I wouldn’t express these concerns if I found these mens’ comments inspiring to the desired audience of this blog. On the contrary, I’m unsettled when they read as sarcastic attacks, even if that isn’t the intention. The environment would remain encouraging if the moderator assessed the comments AND the commenter before posting.

    While husbands, fathers, and church leadership are our authority, we read this blog in a spirit of being teachable-we don’t need men utilizing that vulnerability in an effort to exert imagined authority-consider shaping up the tone of your comments or ship out and start your own blog.

  20. Every man that reads my blog knows full well that I teach to women since I refer to them often and teach what concerns women, namely biblical womanhood. There is nothing forbidden in Scripture that men can’t teach women. There is nothing in Trey’s comment that is unbiblical. Yes, sometimes, I will publish a man’s comment without reading all of it then realize that what he said isn’t proper from comments being made on it, so I will then delete it. Here is a post my husband wrote on this topic:

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