Trusting God With Her Fertility
Written By Karissa Collins
Because you can never share your testimony enough…
When I got married, I went on birth control. It is “the responsible thing to do.” It is what we are taught to do. Honestly, I had NO IDEA there was even another option. I was told to live life for my dreams, plans, and desires. And I never questioned it. Being raised in a Christian home and going to Bible college, why would I question what was so easily taught and accepted in the church?
Mandrae and I went into marriage with a five-year plan. Enjoy each other for five years. Do everything you can before you even consider thinking about children. I was never big on kids in the first place. I had serious dreams. Dreams to start a singing career. Dreams to make loads of money and be outrageously “successful” and admired.
After about a year into our marriage, God started to stir our hearts. We listened to sermon after sermon about trusting God. One day, we left a church service hearing the same thing. Why aren’t we trusting God to give us a child in His time? That day changed everything. Not just my views on family planning. But literally everything. God started to reveal so much truth. He began to send me so many verses and revelations of what trusting Him really looks like.
We decided that day to trust God with our family. To not interfere with His plans. To allow Him to give us children as He pleases.
After three children came rather quickly, my husband started to doubt that this was really what God wanted. Of course, he did. It is so scary when you are literally the only person you know that lives like this. I fought fear but knew it was how God was asking us as Christ followers, fully surrendered, to live.
My husband struggled through years of doubt and fear. Fear of not being able to provide. Fear of giving our children the life they deserve. Fear of lacking time with each child. Fear of limiting the love we were able to give. Fear of being called irresponsible. Fear of comments and judgment.
He even told me multiple times that he was getting a vasectomy. It was the core of many of our fights. Not being on the same page with your spouse is so hard. Especially when you know without a doubt, what God is calling you to do. He consulted pastor after pastor who informed him that we should be “done.” That we are being irresponsible.
I ended up taking birth control as the lesser of two in exchange for his vasectomy. After two weeks taking the pill, I decided to stop and leave it in my husband’s hands.
And on top of it all, I was struggling with my health. The doctor told me I couldn’t and shouldn’t have any more children. I was having blackouts, mini-strokes, heart issues, and eventually was diagnosed with MS. (I found out that these issues were all caused by my Yaz birth control.) This made convincing my husband and the continuation to trust God with our womb even harder. But I knew I was to trust God alone.
I spent years trying to convince my husband of what I knew God’s will was. One day, I felt as if God said…”Stop!” Stop pushing him and get on your knees. So I finally surrendered my fear of him getting a vasectomy and spent years in my prayer closet.
I got pregnant with baby number four and life got harder. There was a bleed in the sac and a threatened miscarriage. I knew I had to repent of the birth control and God healed my baby. Then my husband lost his job right after we bought a new house and a new car to fit our soon to be family of six. I was nine months pregnant, working evenings, and I knew God wanted me to quit my job.
And we did it. We trusted God. We had no income and more bills than ever in our life. And God provided every single step of the way by making sure that every bill was paid timely. It was the most amazing experience of our lives. In fact, my husband stopped using a spreadsheet to track our finances because what was coming in and going out didn’t make sense to him. We learned that God’s provision can’t be measured! Seeing God’s provision when we simply blindly obeyed the impossible path God called us to is unexplainable. I was still having health issues and once I quit my job and quit seeking medical assistance, God fully healed me. Yes…FULLY.
My husband was still on the fence in continuing to trust God with our womb. I quickly got pregnant after baby four and ended up having a blighted ovum. A pregnancy where the egg never develops into an embryo but you continue to grow a sac. You experience every symptom. The morning sickness, the big belly, and all that comes with it except the baby. I ended up miscarrying the sac at almost 18 weeks and almost died in the Emergency room. Despite the trauma, God continued to speak to my soul and ask me to trust Him.
We then got pregnant with baby number five.
We constantly get asked if we are “done.” And one day when we were out and about someone asked us this question. And my husband immediately replied, “We trust God to give us however many He allows.”
I almost passed out. I began to tear up. God did it. God changed his heart. God spoke His truth so clearly to my husband. The ministry God revealed to me six years prior was starting to come to fruition.
The things God has done since then are mind-blowing. I got to experience a pain-free supernatural (completely med free) birth with our sixth child. And then with our seventh baby, He saved her life many times in the pregnancy. He has proven His Word to be true. COMPLETELY true in every sense of the word. He has proven to be our ultimate (ALWAYS) healer. He has proven to be our provider. He has proven to be our strength. He has proven to be our comforter. He has proven to be our rock. He has proven to be our Savior and truth giver. And He has opened our eyes to so much more.
Trusting God with your womb is about so much more than having babies (warriors, disciples, arrows) for Christ. It is about a life fully surrendered. A life fully committed to doing whatever God says and whatever God wants. Yes, it is possible to trust God with how many children you have and not rely on Him in other areas. But that just proves to be an impossible life. Our quest to trusting Him with our womb has opened the door and forced us to look at everything deeper. With more faith (the mustard seed that we didn’t have in all areas) and trust than ever.
It has not been an easy road. We haven’t had support in this area for years. But when we put our trust in Him alone, He sent us all the support we needed and more. He is so faithful to give as we trust and obey.
And now with our eighth baby on the way, we are discovering God as our anchor. He is teaching us boldness. He is teaching us how to truly die to our flesh, feelings, and love for man’s approval. He is teaching us to rely on Him alone.
If what God is calling you to today seems impossible or too hard, don’t give up. Stay on your knees in prayer to God. He is a heart changer. He is faithful. His word stands the test of time. His love never fails. Stay in His Word and pray His word. He WILL not fail you. I put my life on it.
Psalm 9:10
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”
Proverbs 3:5,6
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
23 thoughts on “Trusting God With Her Fertility”
What a beautiful testimony. Unfortunately we found out to late about trusting God for our family size but we are blessed to see couples who do.
Ladies please guard you wombs especially when it comes to taking poison and having devices put in your body that was never part of God’s plan.
Beautiful! Good for you!
Congratulations on your new baby, and blessings on your faithful family!
That was such a beautiful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing. It is (at least currently) a lonely road in the Christian community to trust the Lord with one’s fertility, but it is such a blessed one. I hope and pray that more and more Christians will reject birth control in the future, and choose to trust the Lord’s perfect timing in placing children in our family.
(I should say that I have intensely difficult pregnancies, a difficult financial situation, and a child with severe special needs. None of that changes the fact that God knows what He is doing, and we don’t need to tell Him what to do!)
Wow!
What a beautiful story.
Prayers that all women could have the faith of Karissa!
Wow. I could have written the first part of this. The struggle with unity with your husband and finally surrendering to GOD changing his heart. God bless this woman and her beautiful growing family. Not sure if I can share this story with my husband yet but I hope I can one day!
Lori, this is a super tough one. It’s hands down the most difficult one for our family. When God started dealing with us on our Christian walk, it was easier for me to quit work to be home full time. It was easier to decide to homeschool. It was even easier to obey head covering in corporate worship.
Although over time I surrendered my womb to God, I often suffer doubts and wonder if we are doing the right thing because I am the only one among my peers with a child every two years or so. People are contacting my mother and mother in law to urge my husband to put a stop to it ??? the pseudo concern is real.
The truth is that to obey God in this area demands far more than obedience in other areas does. I know that in this season of life, babies are coming so everything we do is focused on welcoming and raising them. That means forgoing many other things, doing without many things, missing out on events etc. It means that my home has to be run like a well oiled machine with clear systems to manage meals, laundry, clutter, homeschooling, cleanliness, illnesses. It means that I cannot be slack with training and discipline just because there are more children than usual. This just demands for a whole lot more of me than I can manage by myself BUT thank God for His abundant grace. He helps me every step of the way. I’m more aware of His presence everyday because I see challenges being overcome everyday.
If we start with God and His will for us, we arrange our lives to fit His purposes. If we start with ourselves, then we arrange our lives to suit our purposes with a little nod to scripture here and there as suits us. We don’t allow any inconvenience to ourselves because when we come first, the greatest good is not to love and obey God, it’s to be happy and many children are expensive and demanding which makes us unhappy.
Surrendering our wombs to God is terrifying and humbling but you cannot believe the joy every positive pregnancy test brings into our home. My courage fails during the sleepless nights but after the first 9 months, I see clearly and remember that it’s only a brief season and my children’s souls will never die. May it please the Lord to grant them all the grace of salvation.
Our baby is just over one year old now and we are so hopeful that maybe soon, God will send another ??
The problem was the couple was not really married when they were married. I know this probably is confusing.
You see, if no actual change takes place from marriage to non marriage then it’s not really marriage. It’s cohabitation.
I have counselled many new converts who got married after they were told to repent from the sin of living in sin.The excitement soon turns to bewilderment quickly after getting married. They soon realize that nothing changed in their relationship by getting married and their cohabitation looked, acted and functioned no different than those people who condemned them for living in sin. No change took place because they moved from egalitarian to egalitarian relationship.
A radical change needs to take place from marriage to non marriage. Thechange required is the woman needs to quit her job in order to become her husbands dependent and he becomes her guardian. The next step is to discard the contraceptive devices. The reaction can be that of pure shock because it’s so foreign. However, what is most surprising is the women become open and exited by the idea but distrust soon rests its ugly head when their guy shows a lack of confidence to the change. I think men have become adolescent because women equally share their responsibility. It’s probably not moral but I recommend just taking on the responsibility of a dependent wife until they can mature into their new life. You know what? The contraception is thrown out soon after.
Mother Dearest may I ask how many little blessings do you have?
Hi Regina,
We have been blessed with 5 so far.
I am a very new babe in Christ. And this puzzles me. Why so much emphasis on having children? God wants us to be saved, first and foremost. Baptized by full immersion. Filled with the Holy Spirit by the evidence of speaking in tongues. Spreading the gospel. Living a clean life, with no drink, drugs, smoking,bad language. That is what will be most important on the day when our Lord and Savior returns. Not the number of children you have. Your sister in Christ, Heather
It’s a tough one.
I don’t like what she wrote about ‘The bills were magically paid’…
No one likes people who have tons of kids, can’t afford them and then go looking for handouts.
That’s not a Christian attitude.
That being said, I will Re-Write what she said with ‘My husband lost his job, but our families, also believers in Christ, helped us through this difficult time.’
Now that is better. Families also mean community as in a healthy society community tends to be related (not in the U.S. anymore, but you get the point.)
Anyways…
In my experience you have to be careful with women and this ‘Magically it all worked out…because of God’ but ultimately it’s a very pagan attitude.
The Point is, Have Kids. Don’t let financial decisions stop you from having kids, as so many financial decisions are about Wants and not Needs.
That’s awesome!?
This is a wonderful and inspiring testimony, which illustrates perfectly that although it is not always easy to trust in God (whoever said it would, or should be ?) it is what he calls us to do and is ultimately what is best for our souls.
For countless generations the Church in all its forms taught that birth control through any deliberate act or intervention was a sin, that it was a denial of God’s purpose for marriage, that it rendered intimacy between husband and wife sinful and that God and only God “opens or closes the womb”. That truth has not, nor will it ever change.
It is wonderful that an ever increasing number of Christian couples are coming back to this truth. It is something that every woman who calls herself Christian must embrace and I pray that in time every God fearing Christian husband will expect of his wife and that every Church will teach it’s Congregation.
He calls children a blessing and happy is the man who has a quiverful. One of the purposes for marriage is to raise godly offspring. Most disciples of Christ were raised in godly homes. This world needs godly Christians more than it needs anything else to be salt and light in this wicked culture.
Oh, and speaking in tongues isn’t evidence of having the Holy Spirit. Once we believe, we are filled with His Spirit. Speaking in tongues is simply a gift that some are given.
Yes, Nasma, your comment is confusing. Where does Karissa state that she and her husband lived together before getting married-your example in your “counseling new converts” suggests this. Additionally, I gather they were already Christians when they got married.
Getting married with a five-year plan before starting a family and living together outside of the marriage covenant are very different.
I am really confused as to comments I’ve read not only on this blog post, but on others as well, regarding the Church’s stance on birth control. Prior to marriage last year, my husband and I were required to take preparation classes and were taught that contraception is explicitly forbidden by the Church. Contraception was always taught to me as anti-Biblical since middle school. So I’m unsure as to where this idea that the Church, especially the Catholic Church, has been lax with allowing contraception within the sacrament of marriage. To be honest, this is the first place I’ve read that the Church no longer teaches contraception as evil as I’ve NEVER been taught that throughout my religious education. Perhaps it’s been my parents, my not lukewarm religious upbringing, and location and parish that has always stressed the sin of contraception.
I needed surgery in order to stay pregnant. I was gobsmacked when someone told me I should have just prayed about it. Well, after loosing 3 babies through miscarriage, I became deeply depressed, and had a breakdown. Testing showed I had uterine abnormalities , and surgery was needed. Because of this, I could only have 2 children.
I am so sorry about the loss of your babies. 🙁
I am in awe of the power of prayer, and subsequently believe that God guides medical professionals to perform treatment for illness/abnormalities THROUGH prayer. A lot of people think it has to be either/or-but it doesn’t.
KSM – I must say that you have been fortunate in your education and in gaining the understanding from an early age that contraception is wholly sinful. It is true that the Catholic Church teaches against contraception but very sadly (speaking as a traditionalist Catholic it both turns a blind eye to the use of contraception and encourages the practice of so called natural family planning as a lifestyle choice. When it should have the courage to stick to its centuries old Biblical belief that God and only God should Plan our family.
I am very fortunate and grateful for my upbringing for sure! The only teaching I’ve heard regarding the use of NFP is to space births for GRAVE reasons such as serious health issues. NFP’s use is so much more than what you think it is as “natural birth control”. Women chart their menstrual cycles and note changes and abnormalities from week to week. A friend was infertile for many years until she went to a Catholic NaPRO technology practitioner with her NFP charts. This doctor realized she needed minor surgery on her uterus to remove scar tissue that was preventing a fertilized egg to implant. She successfully had the procedure and now has 3 babies, none of which were conceived via IVF like her secular OBGYN first suggested and shrugged off her chart findings.
I’m not sure what you mean that the Church turns a blind eye to contraception use when there are an abundance of resources condemning it that are ever present in Church teaching. If you mean I’ve never been point blank asked by a Priest to prove through my medical records my lack of contraception use then I guess you’re right.
KSM – everything you say is entirely correct and I absolutely agree about the value of charting to help conception.
However the overwhelming majority of Catholics apparently use contraception and how often have you heard a mainstream (as opposed to traditionalist) Priest condemn it or extoll his congregation to be open to life as the Church and Our Lord calls us to be ?
Similarly mainstream Catholic forums are overwhelmingly supportive of NFP, not for the grave reasons which you rightly point out the Church does permit but basically as an alternative to contraception.
I don’t want to argue as we clearly share the belief as do all truly Christian women that only God should plan our family. I nearly lament the fact that the mainstream Catholic Church is not much more strident in teaching, and supporting its own belief.
Our story is somewhat similar. 🙂
We got married, I was on birth control. “Just because” it was the smart thing to do. But my husband really started encouraging me to go off of it. I did – after 3mo. And we started talking about where we would “stop” once we “started”.
It took 9mo to conceive our first. Which was utterly shocking, since we had felt so “in control”. We decided if we prevented, we might miss out on someone amazing.
We had big mouths and said too often, too early that we had decided to leave it up to God. I’m sure we seemed naive and foolish.
Our first was born with a scary hemorrhage.
Then I miscarried. I was shattered.
Our second came 5w early and spent 12 days in the NICU.
Our third, we had a lot of fears, but all was ‘normal’, but people were VERY vocal. We even had a stranger approach in a grocery store and demand of us – “You are DONE after this one, right?” I told my husband #4 must be someone very special ….
And then at 30 weeks, I was measuring ahead. Lots of movement. We got an ultrasound to rule out twins – and learned our little girl had annecephaly.
Devastating. It shook me to my core. I went into labor less than 2 weeks after finding out, she lived a few minutes after birth (my body went into shock, so I really didn’t even get to interact AT ALL). A lot of trauma involved.
I seriously struggled with the idea of having more children. I was so hurt, so emotionally battered. WHY when we left it up to Him, was this the path we were on?
I realized I could protect myself from more hurt, by never knowing who else we would have met, or face the fear and take life one day at a time.
I even miscarried again, before the next pregnancy.
Fast forward. We have had FIVE normal, healthy births since my last miscarriage, and are expecting again in March (#9!). God is so faithful. It took YEARS for me to understand in a very small part, why our story unfolded as it did. Years for the pain to release it’s tight clutch. I still have effects from those years, and I struggle every year in early July, when we lost our little girl. But God is faithful, and I’ve actually had TWO precious little girls in July that bring such joy to our house. The hardest possible timing! But that was HIS timing.
Not everyone’s story is the same. Some can have children. Some cannot. Our story was so hard at the beginning. Even now, we don’t have a lot of support, but God has provided. We have always been able to pay our bills. We save when we can for when times are not so good. We mainly shop at thrift stores. But we are so happy. I absolutely love “treasure hunting” with my girls second hand.
God is faithful. Life isn’t easy, but He goes with us every step of the way.
You should send your story to Above Rubies! There magazines are FULL of amazing stories like yours. Children are never a burden, just blessings. I know some who have Down Syndrome children and those children bring so much joy into their lives.