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Role Reversal in the Home

Role Reversal in the Home

Is it okay for the woman to be the breadwinner of the family and the husband be the “keeper at home”? I have been asked this numerous times and I know of families that do it this way. I am going to let you hear from Michael Pearl for this answer. Yes, some of it will most likely offend you if you don’t understand God’s clearly defined roles between the sexes and get offended easily. Husbands are the head of the wife and called to provide for and protect their families. Wives are to live in submission to their husband’s leadership and to be keepers at home. Here’s Michael Pearl:

It is never ideal for the woman to be the breadwinner and the man to be the home-keeper for the simple reason that the role reversal (a role dictated by our created natures) places each in a position contrary to their nature. A single woman may fit into the workplace as well as a man. A single man with children may function as the housekeeper, cook, homeschool teacher, etc., and do a fair job of it—all consistent with human nature. But the marriage relationship is unique.

The man by nature is the savior, provider, and protector who braves the cruel world and carries the responsibility to protect and nourish his wife and family. It is in a man’s genes to take the command-and-control position. To become a dependent rather than the provider wreaks havoc on a man’s self-esteem. In our modern world, the one whose name is on the paycheck is the head of all finances, the one to be thanked and appreciated. That person is the fountain of the family, possessing the right of veto over all spending, and controlling the direction of the family where it involves finances.

The one who comes home tired from a day’s work is entitled to the recliner until dinner is served. It is the one who says, “Why aren’t my socks in the drawer?” and “This house is a mess; what have you been doing all day?” The breadwinner decides what kind of bread to eat and whether or not spending is foolish or necessary.*

A bread-winning woman is not vulnerable and finds it difficult to come home and be a submissive, servant wife. To be forced to do so breeds resentment and a feeling of being used. I need not go on; you know these things and more to be true to nature and experience.

But sometimes life throws unnatural curves and turns our world upside-down. We have to make do like a one-legged man. We get around and get along in the best way we can. When a man is disabled and cannot enter the labor force, the wife may be thrown into an unnatural role of breadwinner. Sometimes the children are forced to work to provide for the family. It is not natural but it is necessary.

A dependent man will have to accept a different worldview and a different role. He will have to accept not being fulfilled in the normal manner. And the bread-winning wife will need to learn humility and to try to maintain a feminine demeanor at home, giving deference to the man, allowing him to be a handicapped king in his limited domain. The dependent man will also need to learn humility and to accept his dependency with thanksgiving and grace. Like any unnatural handicap, it will not be easy, but it is entirely manageable, and each can find fulfillment in their role reversals.

However, when a couple reverses roles because the wife is able to make more money, or when the man is lazy and incompetent, or when she just likes to work and he just likes to hang out at home, you can be certain that neither is going to find fulfillment in their relationship, and their marriage is likely to end in the woman divorcing the man.

When both the man and woman are reconciled to the reality that the man is handicapped out of the work force through no choice of his own, and not having to do with incompetence, it takes the edge off of blame and the discomfort of role reversal; but when they both know it is a choice, expect the man to shrink in his self-respect and the woman to grow masculine in her demeanor—leaving the marriage to suffer.

God said to Adam, not Eve, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground.” 
Genesis 3:19

Paul declared, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
1 Timothy 5:8

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 
Titus 2:4–5

*I realize these statements will be highly offensive to many women but we must remember to only allow sin and Satan to offend us. These statements are neither. God has made the husband the head over his wife and the wife was created to be his help meet. His responsibility is to provide for the family and her responsibility is to be a keeper at home which includes keeping it clean and tidy, doing the laundry, fixing meals, etc. This is what God has called her to do; to “look well to the ways of her household. A godly wife is a submissive, servant wife and doesn’t get offended by her husband’s requests or rebukes.

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Written to me by a woman who wants to remain anonymous.

I have been following your blog and Facebook account for some time now, and it initially infuriated me. I am a stay at home mother, and I would not trade a minute of it. However, I went to college, and then to graduate school. I amassed $30,000 in loans to do it. And then I worked. And worked hard, 70 hour weeks seven days a week. At that time, we needed my income to survive, but it was also a source of personal pride in what I’d achieved.

When I became pregnant I quit working, which I’d always planned to do. And I suddenly found myself very depressed. I didn’t spend all that time, energy, and money to change diapers! No, anyone could do that. This was meaningless work and totally unfulfilling personally, although I would never put my child in daycare.

I’ve grappled with this for several months. I read. I studied. I prayed. I consulted older women in my church. And I began to accept that this is my career. This is what I was meant to do. And I began to find joy in the mundane. (Let’s face it, housekeeping and diaper changing can be monotonous). I prayed steadily for the Lord to give me joy in this season and this new role. To take the desire for outside work and career achievements from me. And he has answered me.

I have been so convicted to keep my home, feed my husband, raise, teach, and train my son, and if there be any time else after personal studies, then I add in play dates, excursions, etc., but my first priority is to keep my home and family ordered and maintained. My husband works two jobs for me to stay home, so I don’t take the job lightly. But I admit, in my personal/postpartum depression I was resentful and lazy. He has been so impressed the last few months coming home to a clean house, a happy family, and a hot meal. And his joy in working has improved as a result.

Following the Scriptural plan for your life isn’t always easy. Not when it requires such a drastic change from the life you’d been living/dreaming. But it is always worth it. I did what I was told to do, whether I “wanted” to or not, and the Lord in his grace has also now given me the heart and joy in doing so. Obedience is ALWAYS better.

And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

What were God’s commands to His people when King Nebuchadnezzar carried them away from Jerusalem to Babylon? “Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace” (Jeremiah 29:5-7). Dwelling in home, planting gardens, marrying, and bearing children were all part of His wonderful plan for His children even in a foreign and hostile land.

What were the Apostle Paul’s instructions to young women while living in a wicked culture and for young women today? “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4, 5). And what were his instructions to young widows? “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14). God wants young women to marry, bear children, dwell, and work in their homes even in a culture that hates the Lord as a shining example to the beauty of His ways.

What about barren women? “He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD” (Psalm 113:9) from the Song of Hannah. What was the Proverbs 31 woman known for? Was she known for her career choice and how much money she made? No! She was known for looking “well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). Her husband and children rise up and call her blessed!

It is abundantly clear what God’s will is for women yet few women are being taught this as they are growing up. Being a keeper at home isn’t even on their radar! So what about the women who are highly educated, have a mountain of debt, and must work to pay it off but want to be home with their children? What should they do? Or how about women who are single with children and want to be home? What about women whose husbands insist they work outside of the home? Do they have no options?

My encouragement to all women who want to come home full time regardless of their circumstances is to pray. Pray. Pray. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him for wisdom. Let Him know that you now see how important it is for you to be home full time with your children and ask Him if He would make a way for this to happen; for with God ALL things are possible! Then walk in the grace, mercy, and strength that He provides while waiting upon Him.

If you have a mountain of debt and a well paying job, pay it off as soon as possible. This is a tough position to be in. Many will mock you if you tell them you are paying off your debt and leaving your prestigious career to go home full time but you aren’t alone! Many women are finding out how empty their careers are and are choosing to go home to raise their own children. It may take awhile but once you step out in faith and begin to live simply and frugally so you can pay the debt off sooner, God will give you the grace and endurance to accomplish it!

If you are single for some reason, seek ways to make money from home if at all possible. Can you start a daycare to be home with your children? I know women who sell things from home and make good money (the internet has opened up a good resource for this). Tutor children from home. Teach piano or an instrument, if you know how to play one. Remind yourself that nothing is impossible with the Lord, pray daily for wisdom, and ask that He make a way for you to come home.

God’s will for single mothers is to marry, bear children and guide the home. Yes, this verse was written to widows but those who are single through no choice of your own or from poor choices, getting married is a great solution but make sure to marry a man who wants to provide for you so you can stay home full time. Your children need a father, and if you can find a godly man who wants to marry you and provide for you, marry him! This is by far the best solution.

For the mother whose husband wants her to work, figure out how much money you are really bringing home after taxes, the cost of clothing, wear and tear on the car, lack of time to shop frugally and fix meals from scratch at home, and then make a gentle appeal to him. Read “Home By Choice” so you can show him the studies that prove how important it is for mothers to be home with their children. After doing this, keep praying and resting in the Lord’s timing. He is the One who will convict and change your husband’s mind if it is to be so, but make sure you are treating him with respect and kindness. Never grow bitter towards him!

Marriage was created by God. He said that it was not good for man to be alone so He created a help meet for the man. This is all good and a part of God’s wonderful plan for us from the beginning. Marriage and women being keepers at home has become muddied in our culture. Always go back to the word of God for your instructions, dear women, then trust Him to provide what He commands.

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
1 John 5:3

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

In 1996, Dr. John MacArthur taught a series on God’s Patterns for Wives. He went through Proverbs 31 and Titus 2:4, 5. When he finally got to the part about women being keepers at home, he knew it would be controversial since he wrote “now we get down to the nitty-gritty.” I know some of you are frustrated by the way I teach women to be “keepers at home” so I thought I would give you another teaching on this topic from a well-known and solid Bible teacher:

And then, number five, and now we get down to the nitty-gritty. They are to be workers at home. We’ve dealt with the attitudes of a woman, love toward husband, love toward children, wisdom and purity. Now, we turn to the very important issue, the sphere of her responsibility, workers at home, oikourgos, literally a house worker. This is the sphere of a woman’s life. It is her domain. It is her kingdom. It is her realm.

The word is derived from the word “house” and the word “work.” A house worker. It doesn’t simply refer, by the way, to scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms and doing that. It simply connotes the idea that the home is the sphere of her labors, whatever they might be. It is not that a woman is to keep busy all the time at home. It doesn’t mean that she can never go out the door. It doesn’t mean that she’s always to be doing menial tasks. But what it does mean is that the home is the sphere of her divine assignment.

She is to be the home keeper, to take care of her husband, to provide for him and for the children, all that they need as they live in that home. Materially, she is to take the resources the husband brings home and translate them into a comfortable and blessed life for her children. She is to take the spiritual things that she knows and learns and to pass them on to her children. She is a keeper at home.

God’s standard is for the wife and mother to work inside the home and not outside. For a mother to get a job outside the home in order to send her children even to a Christian school is to misunderstand her husband’s role as a provider, as well as her own duty to the family. The good training her children receive in the Christian school may be counteracted by her lack of full commitment to the biblical standards for motherhood.

In addition to having less time to work at home and teach and care for her children, a wife working outside the home often has a boss to whom she is responsible for pleasing in the way she dresses and a lot of other matters, complicating the headship of her husband and compromising her own testimony. She is forced to submit to men other than her own husband, likely to become more independent, including financially in fragmenting the unity of the family. She is in the danger of becoming enamored by the business world or whatever world she’s in, and finding less and less satisfaction in her home responsibilities.

Many studies have shown that most children who grow up in homes where the mother works are less secure than in those where mother is always at home. I think that should be obvious. Her presence there, even when the child is in school, is an emotional anchor. Working mothers contribute so often to delinquency and a host of other problems that lead to the decline of the family. It’s not that mothers who stay at home are automatically or categorically more spiritual. Many mothers who have never worked outside the home do very little in the home to strengthen their families: gossiping, watching ungodly and immoral soap operas and a host of other things can be as destructive as a working mother. But a woman’s only opportunity to fulfill God’s plan for her role as wife and mother is in the home.

Now, when children are grown, there is an opportunity for some kind of endeavor outside the home. Certainly, that option is viable, if it doesn’t compromise her as a woman, it doesn’t compromise the headship of her husband, it doesn’t put her under undue temptation, it doesn’t put her in an environment where she is going to be subject to the actions and the words of ungodly men. It may be that when the children are grown she can work part-time; she can even work full-time in an environment which is salutatory to her and which increases her godliness and strengthens her as a wife.

But the home is still her domain. And even widows or women whose husbands have left them are not expected to leave their domain and children to work outside the home. Paul declared this in 1 Timothy 5:8, “If anyone doesn’t provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” And this means to provide not only for his family immediately, but his extended family.

If there is, for example, a widow or a woman without a husband by divorce in your family, you should care for her before you force her out to care for herself. If a woman has no husband, no financial resources of her own, the rest of her family or even her children or her grandchildren are to take care of her. They have that responsibility so that she can maintain her responsibility in the family. That’s indicated in the first part of chapter 5 of 1 Timothy. But if she has no one, no male relatives, that 1 Timothy 5 passage says, if she has no male relatives to support her, there might be a female relative who could care for her, according to verse 16. If she has no female relatives, there is nobody to care for her, then the church is obligated to care for her, 1 Timothy 5:16.

The basic premise then is that even a woman without a husband, even a woman who may not have children still has the right to be cared for. I shouldn’t say not have children, but whose children are older, still has the right to be a part of the home. As He was hanging on the cross, Jesus, during the last moments of His life was concerned about His mother. And what He did in John 19 verses 26 and 27 was give her to John to take care of. Why? Well, she was most likely a widow. Joseph had no doubt died before this. Jesus was no longer there to take care of her. His own half-brothers did not believe in Him. He turns His mother over to John.

When a woman obviously still has children at home, her primary obligation is to them. If she has no children or they are grown, she has a responsibility to help teach the younger women and share the insights and wisdom she’s gained from her own walk with the Lord. She should invest her time when she’s older and her children are grown not in working in the world, hopefully sometimes that may have to happen, but investing in younger women.

Now, I realize having said what I’ve said to you tonight, I’m giving you the standard of Scripture. There are a lot of cases that you could bring up. What about this? What about this? What about this? All I can tell you is what the Bible says. You have to use your own wisdom. There may be a situation where a widow has to be employed because the care of her children is not provided by anybody. And frankly, most churches don’t come to the aid of these kinds of people. I thank the Lord that our church does in many, many cases.

There may be a situation where your children are in school and without any compromise to your children or your husband; you can do some part-time work. Many women have become very fruitful working out of their own homes and doing that, much like the Proverbs 31 woman.

But the standard is very clear in Scripture. The sphere of a woman’s influence is to be found in the home. The obvious things, of course, are when mothers go to work when they still have children young, even infants, babies, children who haven’t even gone to school yet, living in their home and they abandon them and turn them over to the care of someone else. Even churches sometimes foster that by starting day care centers for children under school age. Many times women work because they want to maintain a certain economic standard. The sacrifice of children and family for that economic standard is a bad decision.

You say, “What about that woman who is very capable, and competent, and energized, who has an industrious attitude, who’s a very gifted person? She can take care of her household responsibilities because we live in a day when there’s so many great appliances and you’re not out there on a rock beating your dirty clothes out. We have all of that, and she’s got time on her hands, can’t she develop some enterprise?” Of course, that’s what the Proverbs 31 woman did, of course.

The focal point: she provides for her husband expressions of love and care. She provides the same for her children. She leads and guides and teaches her children so that they can become godly children. She is in the home, secure, and protected, and kept from the influence of evil men and potentially wicked relationships. She lodges strangers. She humbly washes saints’ feet. She shows hospitality. She devotes herself to every good work. And that’s her domain.

Obviously, this is wondrously accommodated by a godly husband, right? It becomes very difficult when you don’t have a faithful husband. It is at that point the extended family steps in to help. If there’s no extended family to help, at that point the church steps in to help so that having lost a father, the children don’t also lose a mother. This is the church’s responsibility.

Vivian Gornick, a feminist author, writes, “Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession. The choice to serve and be protected and planned toward being a family maker is a choice that shouldn’t exist, and the heart of radical feminism is to change that.” End quote. Of course. Whatever God says, they want to unsay.

In New Testament times, as in Old Testament times, a woman in a home had to grind flour, bake everything from scratch, launder, cook, nurse and care for children, make beds, spin, weave, keep house, care for guests. And in the same time and with the full energy and commitment, devote herself to express her love to her husband, to her children and to God Himself. A tremendous assignment.

You say, “Why in the world does God want women to be so busy?” At the risk of sounding trite, it keeps them out of sin. Proverbs 7:11 gives a startling picture of a harlot. It says this about a harlot: “She is boisterous and rebellious, and her feet do not remain at home.” She doesn’t find her home sufficiently fulfilling. She needs something else, and that leads her into sin.

To most of our society, this is all absolutely ridiculous stuff. And we get so engulfed in this kind of thinking because of the society around us that it may even seem a little strange to us, but this is the Word of God. Godly women are to be content at home, and to be content to love their children and love their husbands and serve their families in their homes and serve the Lord.

One of the most wonderful things that the church has ever experienced is the ministry of women. All of the tests and the studies and surveys indicate that about 60 percent of all church life is cared for by women. Evangelical churches are populated by women. They say about 37 percent of evangelical churches are men. The church has always benefited by godly women who work in the home, and when they have time they minister on behalf of the church. And as women abandon the home for the world, they also abandon the church.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27

Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

There is an interesting article in the Daily Mail about a woman who just turned 60 years old and compared herself to her mother back when she turned 60 years old. This woman, Liz Jones, is beautiful and puts me to shame (since I just turned 60 years old) if we were measuring only by appearance. She is in perfect shape and looks amazing for her age but at what cost? (She has spent a TON of money on herself to look this way!)

Dr. John MacArthur defines women like her perfectly. (Yes, this was written in 1996 but is still relevant for today.)

“What kind of woman is the prototype of the ‘90s woman?  What is the modern super-woman supposed to be?  Maybe something like this: she works, builds her own career, demands equal pay, refuses to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything, has an affair or two, and a divorce or two.  She exercises her independence, relies on her own resources, doesn’t want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals, has her own bank account.

“She hires a maid or a cleaning service, eats out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without them, makes cold cereal and coffee, the standard breakfast for her family, quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, or she calls Domino’s Pizza, expects her husband to do his share of the housework. She is tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, into body-building shape, shops to keep up with the fashion trends, makes sure she can compete in the attention-getting contest, puts the kids in a day care center, makes sure each has a TV in his room, or a radio, or a CD player so they can be entertained. She is opinionated, demanding, wants to be heard, eager to fulfill all of her personal goals.”

This is how Liz Jones admits to living her life except she never had children as many are choosing to do today in the 21st century. She followed the feminist mindset and did life her own way. Her mother, on the other hand, was an old-fashioned wife and mother.

“She would no more have worn a swimsuit, or put on sun cream, than fly to the moon. Having had seven children, she had no desire to look young or thin. In this photo, she already had a full set of false teeth and grey hair. Normally, she wore glasses.

“My mum was born on December 23, 1919, and in the photo she is 60. She has shortish grey hair that has never been dyed. She is wearing a touch of red lipstick, and a smudge of mascara from an ancient block she had to spit on. She is wearing a home-made shift, and her head is tilted towards the sun – it would never occur to her to hide from it.

“Her toenails are not polished; she couldn’t reach her feet by this stage, as she suffered from arthritis. My dad had to help with the stockings, and place a built-up shoe on each foot. You can’t tell from the photo she had already had a hip and a knee replaced. She was in constant, excruciating pain. And yet she is smiling.

“My mum had never heard of grooming, except when it applied to horses: her beauty routine extended to using Pond’s cold cream and letting any make-up ‘wear off’. She had never had a massage. She owned one handbag, one pair of shoes. She never drank water, still or fizzy, but subsisted on tea and Rich Tea biscuits…Having endured rationing, she certainly never dieted. She never owned a pair of trainers, a tracksuit, or jeans.

“I had always imagined that, turning 60, I would suddenly look like my mum, which terrified me. Now I’ve arrived, I realize what should have worried me was not turning out like her – loved, happy, content – at all… I know I will continue to battle to keep the years at bay. Why? Because I’m not where I should be: I’m single, not secure, not loved. I can’t relax. I have to keep trying.

“Passing 40, I panicked, lied about my age again, and hurriedly married a younger man who cheated on me. When I told my mum what he’d done, all she would say was: ‘Just be patient, darling.’ It wouldn’t have occurred to her not to forgive, not to expect a man to provide, to chauffeur her everywhere, to map-read, to book hotels and holidays, to nurse her when she could no longer walk.

“When, coming round from the breast surgery, I phoned my husband, he replied with a distracted: ‘Who’s this?’ It’s not just women who’ve changed; men have changed with us. As we’ve demanded less they’ve given up, retreated.” (I disagree with her here. Liz’s mom probably didn’t demand anything of her husband. She was reaping what she was sowing. She served him. He served her. This is an eternal principle.)

“It had seemed a good idea at the time, being so very different from my mum, rebelling against her lack of vanity, ambition, selfishness…My mum was content with her lot, she lived in the moment, she didn’t put off life, thinking: ‘As soon as I’m eight stone… As soon as I’ve bought that new house…’

“My overriding feeling, as the Big Day came and went last week, was that my generation of women was sold a lie. We were told our mothers’ lives were disgracefully submissive. We were told we must battle our bodies into submission, land a career in order to hold all the power.”

There is only one reason that Liz’s mom lived a much more satisfying and fulfilling life than Liz did. Her mother lived a selfless life and Liz has lived a selfish life. May we all become more like Liz’s mom and less like Liz by learning to live a selfless, self-sacrificing, and self-denying life. In giving our lives away, we will find the life that Christ tells us to pursue, to be like Him, because the servant of all is the greatest of all!

 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Having a career held no appeal to me. I wanted to find a husband so I worked towards finding one! I even pursued guys I found attractive during high school and college. No, I didn’t call them or ask them out on dates. I let them know I was interested by going out of my way to be kind to them and hoped they noticed me. Some did and some didn’t, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to attract a husband since this was my greatest desire in life and pray a lot in the meantime.

A Christian mother wrote and said that one of her daughters fears getting married and having children. Her daughter wants to become a nurse or doctor and the parents are encouraging her in this direction. Sadly, this daughter has been influenced by the feminist culture we live in. What is there to fear in being married and having children? This is God’s will for most young women.

In Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan For Pursuing Marriage with a Purpose, Lisa wrote the following:

“Sadly, as I immersed myself in girl power at school, I received little at church and beyond to counter it. Most of the well-meaning couples in my parent’s circle saw no reason to question my trajectory toward worldly success; many of them outright supported it. I was told… to focus on my education and career. Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received–see if any of them sound familiar:

‘Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!’

‘You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].’

‘We’re expecting big things from you.’

‘You have your whole life ahead of you–have fun while you can!’

‘Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.’

‘I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.’

“…my mom finished college, but marriage was a next step. It was always a priority. It was talked about, planned for, and expected. She didn’t mess around when she spotted my dad; she got busy.

Lisa, who is still single at 46 years old, was asked what she would tell her 28 year old self about dating which I believe should have been told to her 18 year old self:

“I’d say, ‘Dating takes effort for both men and women.’ Dating was hardly on my radar in my 20s. I was too busy chasing a career and thinking I was too awesome to need a man. I didn’t make the effort to get to know men. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to be married. I turned dates down because I found some miniscule flaw in the guys in question. And then I wondered why I was still single at 30. God puts people in our path for a reason. Many of them are probably good marriage candidates. But when we give all our attention elsewhere, we cheat ourselves out of a healthy pursuit of what is for most of us a God-given life goal. Marriage is a good thing, and biblical, intentional dating is a great way to get there. But it takes work. And that work should start earlier rather than later. Learn from my mistakes on that one, folks.”

Many women today, including Christian women, are pursuing higher education and careers and aren’t even considering getting married and having children since they aren’t being taught that this is something they should consider early rather than later. It’s a rare young girl these days when asked what she wants to be when she grows up would answer, “a wife and mother.” No, nowadays, this answer would be frowned upon and they would be asked, “What if you never get married?” or “What career choice do you want to pursue?” As if being a wife and mother weren’t good things to desire or even pursue.

In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.

Yes, being a godly woman who wants to be a wife and mother is a good goal for young women to pursue, contrary to popular opinion, if their goal in life is to marry and have children but unfortunately, most young women have believed the feminist’s lies and believe that having careers and pursuing worldly things are far superior.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Watering Down Truth to Be Liked

Watering Down Truth to Be Liked

God has a good reason for all that He commands. He is good and we can trust Him. He commands that older women teach the younger women biblical womanhood for a good reason. I see younger women sharing some controversial posts with truth in them then begin backtracking when others who comment start to give them a hard time. They care much more about being liked than speaking truth.

The younger women fail to understand the importance of speaking even the hard truths and combating the lies of today. They are younger in their faith and experience and I don’t blame them for wanting to be liked. It’s difficult to speak the truth of God’s word and be constantly slandered, argued with, and even hated. But “true Christianity will cost a man the favor of the world. He must be content to be thought ill of by man if he pleases God. He must count it no strange thing to be mocked, ridiculed, slandered, persecuted, and even hated” (J.C. Ryle). Our aim in life isn’t to be well liked or popular and you can be assured that you won’t if you share the truth of God’s word.

Some young women shared critical but truthful reviews of a popular “Christian” author’s book that was not biblical at all. Some of the young women who were commenting were saying how much they liked this book even though they didn’t agree with it fully. The younger women who shared it would then respond by saying “Oh, yes, take what you like and spit out the rest” or “Yes, there probably are very good things she shares.” NO! She is a false teacher and we are warned over and over again to not have anything to do with them. If they are teaching things opposed to the word of God, flee! Never water down what God clearly commands.

“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them” (Romans 16:17). These truths are hard for younger women to write to their Facebook “friends.” They don’t want to offend anyone but truth will always offend those who don’t want to hear it so we must not allow this to stop us from sharing truth. The older women do not seem so easily offended by those who hate them and the truth. They have developed more of a backbone from aging, wisdom, and experience which is how God intends.

It’s extremely difficult even as an older woman to teach women the truths of biblical womanhood. There aren’t many who will teach women to be “keepers at home” because of the backlash and strawmen arguments that are constantly used against them. When they do try to teach it, they will teach all of the exceptions so that almost everyone fits into the exceptions, therefore, few women are keepers at home. The same goes with submission. All of the exceptions given wipe out the clear commands of God for women to submit to their husbands in everything and be obedient to them. Instead of focusing upon the exceptions, let us be bold with the truth of God and allow it to convict and change women’s hearts and minds. Watered down truth does nobody any good at all.

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
1 John 4:1

Women in the Workforce Have Hurt Men’s Ability to Provide for Their Families

Women in the Workforce Have Hurt Men’s Ability to Provide for Their Families

“We Christian women, too, have our standards for husbands and what are the chances that there are people who meet our standards. Thus, making it really hard for us to find husbands that will protect, love and provide for us!” wrote Suzie on my post Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.

The results of sin that were given to Adam and Eve after the Fall correlated to their God-given roles. Work that men were required to do to provide for their families would become much harder and a burden. Women would endure suffering through childbirth. A man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse the an unbeliever, the Lord tells us in His Word (1 Timothy 5:8). Women are to be keepers at home (Titus 2:5). God’s roles are clear to us but when women leave their role, it’s makes it harder for men to do their role, as Jeff so clearly explains in his answer to Suzie.

 “Suzie, it’s growing harder for men to protect, love, and provide for women because feminism put women into the workforce to compete AGAINST men for jobs, money, and power. This has resulted in less jobs, money, and power for men in society as women make up nearly half of the workforce today. And men without jobs, money, or power do not attract females and/or lose the female they had via divorce.

“This social change of putting women to work has worked out mostly to the benefit of the government (two incomes to tax instead of just one) and to the benefit of businesses that are able to select the most qualified person (male or female) for the job willing to do the work for the least amount of pay and benefits. They have also slashed benefits greatly because they have such a huge pool of candidates desperate for work with both sexes competing against each other and desperate for work. There’s virtually no companies that offer pensions anymore. It’s their intent to just keep people working until they drop dead from old age without ever being able to retire.

“CEOs are raking in tons of cash for themselves today compared to historically when just men worked jobs. CEO pay has significantly increased while the average worker has stagnated or even dropped in some cases in the past 40 years. Government has also gained a tremendous amount of revenue with the dual-tax of both a man and his wife’s income. Clearly businesses and government have no desire to go back to women staying home because they would lose tons of money. Government would be forced to reduce its size and that would result in less control over the people.

“It’s only individual men and women that can see what’s going on that want to go back to the way things worked best between the sexes. But other individual men and women are married and both are making tons of money and they like this current system, too. But they, the ones going back to traditional roles, are the rare exception the rule.

“Most people are still drinking the poisoned Kool-aid and buying into the idea that it’s ‘female empowerment’ for women to be challenging men for jobs, money, and power and that it will somehow result in a better nation for women, men, and children. But the reality is that when a woman takes a job away from a man in society, that’s a man who can no longer protect or provide for his wife, which results in his wife leaving him and/or seeking work (and thus taking another job away from another man making the problem worse). No wonder divorce rates are through the roof today!

“Men can’t thrive in this toxic environment and neither can women because when men fail, women and children fail also. We both need each other and need to be doing equally important but separate roles in society when it comes to family. Makes more sense for females to be home raising children since males cannot lactate and women tend to be a lot cleaner than men, plus young children tend to be a lot more attached to their mothers than their fathers.

“It’s all about greed and people are being duped and used like willing slaves by those in power to keep making themselves richer. Women are tempted by the idea of having their own spending power for their own materialistic wants and men are tempted by the idea that having more money will lead to winning over a more beautiful looking wife. And it’s true that men who make more money tend to have more beautiful wives since money seems to be the key thing women are looking for out of a man since it takes money to be protect and provide for in today’s world instead of muscles. Obviously, that’s gold digging on the part of women. It’s a bad system all around.

“In order to right wrongs, it would take women to collectively return to the home and drop out of the workforce. And I don’t see that happening so long as it’s taught to girls to go off and be just like boys in life and spread this lie that men just want to hold women down and out. Men love women and want to have a woman to cherish and love. But of course, feminism was used to distort the truth and make men out to be ‘bad guys’ that women should not trust or depend on but challenge for jobs, money, and power.

“A lot of the breakdown in marriages today is also due to men and women being too much alike. Men and women are doing too much of the same thing – working and making money. And that means other aspects of family life are being neglected. Especially children. Everybody is worse off for it. Men, women, and children.

“Too much greed in this HIGHLY materialistic society. Feminism was just a tool the government used to play women against men and to dupe women into working jobs and competing against their own husbands.

“It’s going to take more than just spreading the word of God around to get women to go back. It’s going to take God’s punishment for it to happen when western nations collapse in on themselves. And that’s already happened in some places. Germany, for instance, has a negative German birthrate today. This means that more Germans are dying than being born to replace them. Well, instead of encouraging female Germans to go home, marry, and have children to save their nation and race, the German government is in-fluxing foreigners from the middle east to replace the native population instead. Apparently, money matters more than preserving an entire nation and it’s native inhabitants.

“They simply REFUSE to end feminism because it makes them (the German government and businesses) tons of money to have women working and competing against the men in society. But when it results in low birth rates because the native men and women are no longer getting married or having children, to the place the nation can no longer sustain itself, their government’s answer is to bring in outsiders to replace the natives who were duped and used by their government and businesses via feminism to make their government and businesses tons of money.”

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
John 10:10

Mothers Who Work Outside of the Home are Better Mothers?

Mothers Who Work Outside of the Home are Better Mothers?

Women try to convince me that they are better mothers because they work outside of the home. How can they be better mothers if they aren’t with their children full time? How can they train them in the ways of the Lord as they walk along the way if they aren’t home full time? How can the mothers discipline and teach their children to be obedient, hard working, and good if they aren’t with them for a large portion of almost every day?

Raising godly children is a full time job. It’s a job that is given to mothers. God created them for this very special job. Can you imagine Jesus’ mother, Mary, leaving Him, the Savior of the world, in the hands of strangers all day long for five days a week while she went off to work outside of her home for a paycheck? Can you imagine Elizabeth leaving John the Baptist with strangers while she trotted off to work each day for a boss? NO! Even Jesus and John needed their mothers home full time.

All children need their mothers home full time with them. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to be keepers at home. Women tell me that I’m the only one teaching this. No, there are others like Debi Pearl and Nancy Campbell. Nancy Leigh DeMoss used to teach this strongly but you don’t hear many older women teaching this important truth.

It’s not an easy truth to teach in today’s environment where mothers don’t want to be home full time with their children. They would rather go out into the world and make a name and money for themselves. Yet, the most important thing they can do is to raise their children to know and love God. This world needs this way more than it needs women in the workforce. Children have suffered terribly since mothers left their homes.

The only mothers who may be better mothers when they work outside of the home are those mothers who don’t truly love their children. When they are with their children, they are irritable and unkind. They treat their children like nuisances. They have not been taught to love their children by godly, older women, thus the children grow up to not feel loved and are insecure. So they are not really better mothers after all. They are not true mothers at all.

No, there are no mothers who are better mothers who work outside of their home and away from their children. They are only part-time mothers, probably even less than this since they give most of their time and effort to strangers instead of their children. When they get home, they are exhausted and have little to give to their precious children.

Don’t believe the lies that our culture is trying to tell you, dear mothers. Your children need and want you. No one can take your place in your children’s lives. If you want to raise emotionally secure and stable children, go home.

As Paige put it perfectly: “Working outside the home doesn’t make for a ‘better mother.’ That’s an oxymoron! You don’t become a better gardener by NOT gardening, or a better cook by NOT cooking! You become better at things by practicing them.

“To say you are a ‘better mother’ when you’re working is like saying you’re a better pianist because you don’t spend time playing piano. It’s a senseless argument, and ultimately an excuse to do what you want instead of what you’re called to do.”

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm 113:9

America Doesn’t Need So Called “Family-Friendly” Policies

America Doesn’t Need So Called “Family-Friendly” Policies

“The lack of family-friendly policies in the United States — such as paid family leave and subsidized child care — most likely plays a role, too. Although policies have improved somewhat since the early 1990s, women’s labor force participation in countries that have more generous policies has continued to increase, unlike in the United States,” according to Claire Cain Miller.

Are paid family leave and subsidized child care family-friendly policies? They sure aren’t, in my opinion, because they simply make it easier for women to work away from their homes and leave their children in the care of others with the support of taxpayers funding them. It supports anti-family policies rather than building up families. Keeping children from their parents is destructive to children. Yes, it’s good for new mothers to be with their children for a time after giving birth, but they need to stay with these children as long as their children are under their roofs!

“As women do more paid work, men have not increased their child care and housekeeping tasks to the same extent — another surprise for young women who, research has shown, expected more egalitarian partnerships.”

“Another surprise for young women”??? The feminist movement has made us falsely believe that women and men are equal. Homemaking isn’t in most men’s DNA. God created women to be the keepers at home. He created our nature for this work. He didn’t create men for the details of homemaking. They were created to work hard and provide a living for their families. No, egalitarian partnerships are a myth. Every institution needs a boss and each person within the institution needs clearly defined roles. It is no difference in a marriage.

“Generations of girls have been told they can achieve anything they aspire to, including having both a career and children — and many women have done so. But at the same time, both work and parenting have become more demanding. The result is that women’s expectations seem to be outpacing the realities of public policy, workplace culture and family life.”

Yes, generations of girls have been lied to and they are paying a heavy price. Their children are paying the heaviest price. God didn’t create women to have careers and leave their homes all day and their children in the care of others. He created them to be wives and mothers. This is clearly seen by looking at our bodies.

No, we aren’t men and we don’t need to seek what they have – careers. We need to go back to the beautiful ancient paths that God has set for us and walk on them. They are the only path that godly woman should walk on, not the paths that the feminists have called women to take. Those paths only lead to destruction.

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
Jeremiah 6:16