Good or Brawling Wife? It’s Your Choice.

Good or Brawling Wife? It’s Your Choice.

We all have the freedom to choose whether or not we will be a good or bad wife. Each morning, we wake up and can decide if we will control our emotions and feelings or not. We can choose to be thankful or complain. It’s our choice and as godly women our choice should be to please the LORD in all that we do by walking in the Spirit instead of the flesh. The Bible gives us examples of good and bad wives. May we learn from these to put on the good and take off the bad.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD (Proverbs 18:22). “Whoso findeth a wife,…. A good one; … even a good-natured one, wise, prudent, careful, and industrious; a proper helpmeet, a virtuous woman; whoso seeks after such an one, and finds one, especially one that has the grace of God, which he should seek after among his friends, and by their assistance, and by prayer to God” (Gill’s Exposition).

Would your husband say that he has found a good thing in you? Would he call you good-natured? Are you “naturally mild in temper; not easily provoked” by allowing the Word of God to guide your lives and not your emotions or circumstances? We must learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry; for anger does not accomplish the righteous life that God desires. Most husbands would love being around a good-natured wife who doesn’t get easily offended, accepts him as he is, and doesn’t try to control or manipulate him.

The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping (Proverbs 19:13). “The quarrels of a wife spoil a man’s happiness, like perpetual droppings, which wear away what they fall upon (Benson Commentary). Are like rain continually dropping upon a house, which by degrees marreth the house and household stuff, and driveth the inhabitants out of it (Matthew Poole) Such are the contentions of a peevish, ill natured, and brawling wife, who is always scolding” (Gill’s Exposition).

A wife such as this one is miserable for her husband to live with. She is not content, unhappy, and never thankful. She is selfish because she only concerns herself with her needs and desires. She is controlling and argues about every little thing.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD (Proverbs 19:14). “A prudent wife is from the Lord; one that behaves well to her husband, manages the affairs of her house with wisdom, and brings up her children in all orderly manner: such a wife no man has from the care and provision of his parents; nor so much from his own good choice and industry as from the kind providence of God, to which he should ascribe it; his parents may give him houses and lands, but it is God that gives him a wise and discreet woman to be an helpmeet to him” (Gill’s Exposition).

Did the LORD give your husband a wise and discreet wife in you? Are you careful with his money and treat him with kindness? Do you spend a lot of time training and disciplining your children in the ways of the LORD? You have a big responsibility, women, and it must be taken seriously. Your children and husband depend upon you to look well to the ways of your household and not eat the bread of idleness. Don’t grow weary in this work the LORD has given you; for in the end, it produces beautiful fruit!

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (Proverbs 21:9) and repeated in Proverbs 25:24. “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,…. The roofs of houses in Judea were that, encompassed with battlements, whither persons might retire for solitude, and sit in safety: and it is better to be in a corner of such a roof alone, and be exposed to scorching heat, to blustering winds, to thunder storms and showers of rain, than with a brawling woman in a wide house; large and spacious, full of rooms, fit for a numerous family: or, “an house of society” (u); where many families might dwell and live sociably with each other; or a house where a man, his wife and family, might dwell together, and have communion with each other; it is opposed to the corner of the housetop, and the solitariness of it; as the scolding of the brawling woman, or “a woman of contentions”, who is always noisy and quarrelsome, her violent passions, her storming language, and thundering voice, are to the inclemencies of the heavens, to which a man on the housetop is exposed; and yet these are more eligible than the other” (Gill’s Exposition).

Brawling means to quarrel. God does not want us to quarrel. He wants us to be at peace with each other and this is why He designed for the man to be the head over his wife and the wife to submit to her husband. When couples are following His prescription for them, there is peace. There is one decision maker who is the leader and one follower. It’s perfect and it brings peace with no arguing.

Whenever I hear from a woman who tells me that they argue a lot, I tell her to stop. As she argues with her husband, she is sinning by not being under her husband’s leadership. She needs to learn to state her opinion and then let it go without arguing her point. It is better to not get her way, live at peace with her husband, and allow him to make the decisions than getting  her way, living in turmoil, and disobeying God.

 Don’t lecture or scold him, which is easy to do, because you aren’t his leader. If you are prone to “violent passions” or “storming language” or “thundering voice” you need to be in the Word daily and allow Him to transform you into a godly woman who has control of her passions, language, and voice. Stop watching disgusting TV shows because bad company corrupts good morals and instead dwell on the lovely, the good, the pure, and the holy. Fill your mind and home with good things.

My sister told me she never watches the news. While she is in the kitchen baking bread and preparing meals, she prays over those she is preparing it for. When she is washing dishes, she praises the LORD for hot water and dishes to clean for her loved ones. She doesn’t want anything to steal her peace. She understands that politics isn’t her life; Jesus is and giving Him glory and praise throughout the day. She is building up her home and walking in the Spirit.

My Mom isn’t doing well but yesterday, she told me that Philippians 4:8 is her favorite verse. She has never been much of a complainer. She has always loved taking care of her home and family. She knew it was right where she is supposed to me. And now, she loves my dad deeply. They hold hands and praise each other often. Growing old together is a treasure that way too many women are throwing away these days. Build your homes up, women, by searching the Scriptures on how to live your life instead of learning from our decayed culture.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

5 thoughts on “Good or Brawling Wife? It’s Your Choice.

  1. We have found that one of the keys to a happy marriage to love and accept each other for who they are, without trying to control, criticize or manipulate each other. We had been best friends for years before marrying, so were able to already come into marriage with an idea of how this works. I’m sad for anyone who has a spouse who disrespects, controls, manipulates and will not love you for who you are. Being loved for the person that is you is such an amazing, sweet thing.

  2. Thanks, Lori. This is the encouragement I needed to hear and heed this very morning. God is good. Blessings to you today.?

  3. This is a good post for us all to read and take to heart!!! So many times unnecessary quarrels in the home are of selfish desires. Being a leader doesn’t mean I always get my way!! Doesn’t mean I always give in. It means I have a family to lead over with the help of a wife who wants to give Jesus all the glory. The problem is our selfish desires get in the way
    Too many selfish leaders and too many feminists in this world are ruining his creation. Scripture covers all our needs and gives us all the nourishment we could ever want. The problem is we would rather fight and get our OWN way instead of having it gods way

  4. Thanks for this post. For the last 22 years we have watched my brother-in-law deal with a contentious wife. He is indeed living “….in a wide house with a brawling wife” and has been for years. Our home will be paid off next year, after 15 years instead of 30. They just took on a large mortgage for a brand new spacious home (their third one) even though they are in their late fifties and their children are grown up and moved out. She insisted on it and the only peace he gets is when he gives in to her demands. We are careful what we say around her (she is very argumentative). The only good thing is that it has made the rest of us very aware of how destructive this behavior is. I don’t want to do this to my husband, our marriage or our home. I don’t want my children to see this bad example. Bury God’s word deeply in your heart and return to it when you feel frustrated and apologize to your husband if you’ve had a bad day and handled it with a short temper. Ask God for a new and quiet heart. He is faithful!

  5. Well done in paying off your home!! My husband and almost paid off our first home in under 15 years. But we sold it and bought a bigger one as we out grew the first home . Hoping to pay this one off just as quickly.

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