Do I Make Working Mothers Feel Like They are Not Good Enough?

Do I Make Working Mothers Feel Like They are Not Good Enough?

“You sure do know how to make working mothers feel like they aren’t good enough. My child is thriving and because I work, she has a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food in her belly. I don’t see anyone else doing this for her!” I receive these types of comments often from working mothers. I asked the women in the chat room how they would respond to comments such as these.

Lindsay: “It just shows how sensitive women are to this issue because they know their rightful place is in the home, caring for their children. We can’t shame people unless they agree with us, at some level, that what they are doing is not best. Their own conscience is what makes them feel bad, not our message.

“Sometimes women do have to work outside the home, such as if they don’t have a husband who will provide or if their husband wants them to work. But they can recognize that their situation is not best while understanding that it is necessary at the moment. Nobody is telling women that they should stay home even if they have to starve. What is being said is that a wife and mother staying home and caring for the home and children is a woman’s proper place, her calling, and the ideal we should strive for. Not everyone has an ideal situation because we live in an imperfect world, but we can still point to the ideal as the best way to live even if that is not our situation right now.”

Rachel: “Right? I still have to work for now, but plans are in place to be able to come home in the next three to five years. It’s not ideal, but here’s the thing – without Lori’s teachings, I might not even be trying. I’m not hearing from anyone else how it’s good for wives to be at home. And with my new nursing job and the big jump in pay that came with it, I see how easily it would be to lean into the career side, instead of working towards being able to stay home (pay off all debt, pay off house, and get money in savings). A big part of why I even have these goals is getting consistent teaching on the benefits of being home.”

Lauren: “I felt this way. When I first started following your page, Lori, I was a working mom. Even though I grew up with many of the very same principles you taught, some of what you said was offensive to me. I didn’t understand why you would say some of the things you did because they would hurt my feelings.
And the thing was, I wanted desperately to be home with my baby but my husband wanted me to work, and we both did not believe that financially I could stay home.

“I even remember debating with you on the benefits of women in certain workplaces… like doctors, teachers, etc. And I stuck around. I kept reading your posts, usually prepared to disagree. But then it started making sense. I read the verses you quoted and realized you were simply teaching what you were called to teach. It’s hard to continue to become offended when you realize that someone is literally doing what God tells them to do.

“And I knew in my heart the best place for me was to be home but it seemed impossible. I would cry on the way to work and dread each weekend as it closed, knowing I’d have to leave my daughter. And so for me at least, your posts always seemed like salt on an open wound. But I kept reading and kept asking questions, and kept studying my Bible. And it made more and more sense that what you taught was correct, biblical, and exactly what you were supposed to be teaching. It wasn’t a personal affront on me or other working mothers. You weren’t trying to offend, you were trying to teach us.

“I don’t know that this helps you too much in responding to people like this woman, but I hope it at least encourages you that people who don’t agree with you might one day. I still don’t always agree with you 100 percent on things, but I’m much slower to disagree now. I’m careful to check my opinion against the Bible and not just go with gut instinct or feelings. I appreciate and respect you, Lori, thank you!”

Paige: “I would just tell her that your intention is not to attack women who have to work, but that you are simply trying to reach godly women with the truth of Scripture. If she is still offended after that, she’s offended at God, not you.”

Jama: “I had this kind of bare minimum mothering. It has damaging consequences.”

Paulina: “It’s guilt speaking. Even if I found myself having to work because I am a single mother, that would absolutely not change my biblical convictions. I would continue to advocate for mothers being home full-time with their children, acknowledging that this is the correct and biblical way of doing things. It’s like with divorce. I’m never going to be offended by the teaching of life-long, biblical marriage being the ideal just because mine didn’t work out. I just can’t relate to this woman’s attitude. Quite frankly, it’s immature and emotional. You can support the ideal and acknowledge that it is best, even if you’re not currently able to live it!”

 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5

***For the mothers who see no way to come home full time, be inspired and encourage by Connie Hultquist’s testimony. Her husband was in and out of jail for 30 years, yet she stayed home full time with her six children. With God ALL things are possible!

42 thoughts on “Do I Make Working Mothers Feel Like They are Not Good Enough?

  1. I think the comments you used on this blog by these women are the perfect ones. It truly is the way things should be in a perfect world. And it hurts us as mothers that it can’t always seem to be that way. Missing our children and having other people raise them cuts deep, even to those who hate to admit it. Jobs, while beneficial in many ways, can never be as fulfilling as being home to take care of any children, the home, and our husbands. I don’t know many who can honestly say they don’t struggle with guilt and time management having to be away from the home while working, myself included. Thanks for doing what you do, Lori!

  2. This is right on time for me. I am a stay at home mom with 5 boys and we struggle financially. Due to some things in my life right now I have been in touch with with slot of different friends and family from the past. They make me ( or try to make me) feel so bad about being at home. It’s like they purposely brag about how great their kids are and how much they have. Sometimes I feel insecure about it all because they are like those women on that poster flexing their muscles and I am quite lonely in a dress and apron penny pinching for healthy meals. Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for me as I had spoken with multiple women who work.

    Thank you for your teachings Lori, it keeps my mind in the right place. They are so offended when someone says a wife/mother should be home but they go out of their way all the time to make stay at home moms feel like they aren’t doing enough. It’s just such a sad world. The set up is awful. We need God’s word. We need Jesus!

    1. My dear sister, may you be encouraged. May the Lord also remove the connection between you and those that do not support you. I find myself to be rather happy when I protect my spirit and don’t allow others input to swirl in my mind. I call it, “protecting my spirit”.

      Lastly, this hit me the other day and I told my husband these two quotes: “Take care of your children now and they’ll take care of you later.” and “If you don’t raise your children now you’ll be raising them later.” <– the consequence of parents who neglect their children.

      My sister, I know your 5 sons will make sure as you and their papa grow old whatever is needed they will be there for you. I believe that is one of the fruits of children the way they care for you later. With strength, love, and blessings…I pray you get a chance to read this and remain encouraged.

      I'm telling you those moms will be wishing they stayed home when they see how quickly time has flown by. Also, the Daily Connoisseur (Youtube) is a great resource to help empower you and help your spirit become content in all things. I'm sure we can both agree…staying home has more perks, and that is why the mothers who don't try to pretend like they're so happy…IT'S A LIE!

      1. And I would add to not be fooled by what look like full-time keepers at home on-line, either. I, as a SAHM with more quiet time as some due to my children all being school-aged, enjoy the Daily Connoisseur (and Farmhouse on Boone) as well. However, let’s not fool ourselves. It takes time to write books, create and edit videos while running a homeschool AND caring for a home with 4+ children. That’s at least 2 jobs! They’ve created a home keeping brand which we can certainly learn from and enjoy, but if I had used these women as role models when I was nursing babies and chasing toddlers, I would’ve felt like a failure. Make no mistake, these women work hard at businesses in their home, and I believe a woman can be just as distracted working from home as they can out in the workforce.

  3. I don’t have an issue with women working outside their homes. They can still be the keeper of their homes, although it certainly puts more pressure on them. What concerns me more is the reasons a woman will work outside of the home. Far too often I hear, from both wives and husbands, that it is necessary. People claim they cannot afford to be a SAHM.

    However, what they are typically meaning is that they don’t want to sacrifice for the benefit of their children. They want to keep up with the Jones, go on nice trips, eat at nice restaurants, etc. These things are not bad, in and of themselves. However, we always have to set priorities. While I didn’t tell my wife she had to stay home, I certainly encouraged it. And it really didn’t take much encouraging, as she wanted nothing more than to be a SAHM. We both understood that it meant less material things.

    I worked two jobs so my wife could stay home. That only ended a few years ago. For a time, we went down to one car. Vacations consisted of camping in state parks. Now, as we are nearing the empty nest phase of life, we are able to begin to enjoy some nicer things. It was worth the wait. We have gained far more than we gave up. My wife was there when each of the kids came home from school, at each major event in their lives. The best material things cannot beat that.

    And I believe I was promoted more quickly and often because my wife took care of our home, leaving me to be able to fulfill my responsibilities at work. I believe this is really God’s best for a family and the ideal situation, although I realize there are those who simply have no choice. Also, now that the kids are grown and some are living on their own, she has more opportunities to serve, finding satisfaction in helping with the food pantry at our church. This would not be possible if she were working for a business.

  4. Amen. We live in a fallen world of course there will be seasons where single moms have to work or husbands asks their wives to work but just realize this was never God’s intention. I always find it funny how almost every christian woman tries to model the proverbs 31 woman. This was just a description by a king that he learned from his mother not biblical commands. Titus 2 speaks on what a biblical woman is and it talks nothing about a woman working.

    1. And the Proverbs 31 woman didn’t have a career where she left her home every day, her children in the care of others, and worked for a boss. This is a modern day fable. She was known for looking well to the ways of her household. She sewed some things in her home and sold them. She bought ONE piece of land and planted on it. She wasn’t a career woman as many want to claim.

      1. Lori, I love the way the Word of God said that “she looked well to the ways of her household” I think that is priceless! It is one of my favourite scriptures!
        Love and Blessings.
        Jilly💞💞💞
        💞💞💞

  5. I am not convinced that this is entirely a woman’s issue. Most of the working moms around me are working because their husbands really want the paycheck that they were getting before the kids came along. They became accustomed to a lifestyle that they do not want to give up. Of course this idea then is passed on to the next generation. It is surely a topic that gets a lot of “push back” in church, but I feel like men need to be taught about this (if they aren’t already; I don’t intrude into men’s groups or blogs by men for men). It’s something that ought to be brought up during pre-marriage counseling; a young man should be asked if he understands that it is his job to support the family, just as a young lady should be asked if she understands that it is her job to be a keeper at home.

    1. It’s not the men’s fault, Emily Joy. It’s feminism’s fault. Feminism has infiltrated the churches so young women pursue higher education and careers. By the time they get married, many of them are making good money. They “fought” for this right. Now, the men marry these women and like the money these women earn. They haven’t heard that their wives should be home with their children, just as the young women haven’t heard. Most men and women don’t understand the value of mothers at home. Plus, many women have a large student debt they need to pay off. It’s a vicious, ugly cycle.

      1. Lori – you are so right the whole logic and philosophy of feminism is designed to undermine Godly womanhood, marriage and the family.

        The fight against feminism needs to start with children, the empowerment of men and the refocusing of society onto the family as a unit.

  6. Well, I don’t want children and the idea of sitting at home with kids all day sounds like pure torture. BUT:
    If I DID want kids, I would definitely want to be at home with them.

    But also, I think you should try to see this perspective. Sometimes, when a parent has to take on the bulk of child-raising, it can make them cranky and easily annoyed with their kids. It can make them snap at the kids and not want to spend quality time with them because they’re just so overwhelmed. So, if a mother has a chance to do something outside of parenting that is fulfilling for her (such as have a career), maybe she feels like it will in turn make her a better parent.

    That’s just my perspective. Hope you’re having a great day, Lori! There’s 2 feet of snow on the ground where I am!

    1. The idea of sitting at a desk all day, behind a cash register all day, or anything else out there in the workforce sounds like “pure torture” to me because I have tasted of the Lord’s way and found them to be so very good! Feminism has convinced you to not want children and that being at home will them full time is bondage but it’s actually feminism that has put women in bondage to their careers, student loan debt, and to their paychecks.

      Young women also need to be taught to learn contentment at home. If the Apostle Paul could learn contentment in a jail cell, we can learn contentment at home since there really is no place like home!

      Enjoy the snow! It’s still sunny and warm here. We’ve never had snow here!

      1. Every time I hear a woman say, “I don’t want children” or infer to it I know it’s nothing but the seeds of the enemy.

        I will be frank, I LOVE being home with my family. I worked from 15-27 and I mean I worked hard. I left corporate america as an IT consultant a month after I met my husband. I was already working from home then, but then they wanted me to come into the office. I really could not fathom not having children and having to go into work. I remember working in the office with two women, 1 who was 40 and married with no children and the 2nd who was 31 and wanted to follow in the 40 year old’s footsteps…I had no interest. My life is fruitful and I believe it is because I am living based on how God designed for me to live. Married and a care taker at home…

        1. I felt my life’s calling started when I became a mother.
          It’s always an encouragement to hear how women love being home, serving their husbands and children.

    2. If a SAHM thinks her life is overwhelming and unfulfilling, then she’s not doing it right. Scripture says that women should be BUSY at home; not watching TV or stuck on the internet for hours a day. Not moping around feeling sorry for herself.

      I am SO grateful for my husband’s provision. He sits behind a computer for 9 hours a day so I can raise our kids, cultivate our home, be a life-long learner, and pursue my own interests.

      I’ve only been a full-time SAHM for only 4 months. And already in that short period, I’ve read at least a dozen books about educational philosophies and nutrition, have perfected the art of baked bread, learned how to brew kombucha, started gardenening, dried homegrown herbs, began canning, took up hiking, began nature journaling…the list goes on and on. And my list of new things to learn and try is just as long.
      Definitely not bored, tortured, or unfulfilled over here.

      God’s way is best. Trust in His word, and follow Him.

  7. Dear Ms. Lori-
    I am not sure which article of yours to post on this, but I wanted to share how God has worked to correct my heart. I am a young wife to a wonderful man of faith. I love fulfilling my duties as a wife and homemaker, and submitting to him has given me such a sense of completion. I love his protection over me through his Godly authority. He tells me all the time that God will bless me because I so willingly serve him and submit him as a helpmeet. Every day, I learn how to better submit to my husband as he leads me with Godly authority. He is a wonderful provider and I want nothing more than to raise his/our children for the Lord.

    I was raised in a loving Christian home, but as I got older, I felt liberalism creeping in as I began to question if submission was truly the correct role for a wife. My friends were bragging about how equal their marriages were, and I began to question if that was the right thing or not. I just wanted to say that you are RIGHT. I truly LOVE submitting to my husband’s biblical authority. My friends’ marriages seem to be crumbling, while mine remains strong for Christ.

    1. Thank you for sharing, MJ! Of course, our Creator’s plan for us is far superior than anyone else’s. He didn’t provide us with commands to make us miserable but because He loves us and wants His best for us. Yes, there will always be sufferings and trials but we can find joy in the midst of them because we know that God is and always will be on His throne. He is good and His plan for us is good!

  8. I don’t think so at all! Some women are forced to work and have no other choice but that’s the product of a society that expects women to do the work of 2, not just her own traditional role. We need more men who want to provide for his wife exclusively.

  9. Thank you for your response, Ms. Lori. I am so grateful for your page, because your teachings reflect the Lord’s design and the Lord’s design was made for our differences as men and women. I simply would be a mess without my husband to guide me. I NEED my husband to take control of things, and I give all authority to him as unto the Lord. Praise be! I recognize that he is fit to lead, and I am fit to follow his authority. Living this way, I simply cannot see a different balance working out smoothly.

    I tell my husband every day that I am dedicated to submitting to him. I just love that my husband leads and I get to serve him. I am dedicated to making sure my husband can feel my devotion to his authority and leadership and I think it’s working. Today before he left work work he told me that despite our current struggles to conceive, that he is certain God will bless us soon with a child because I live my life the way God intended women to do so!!!! Submissive wives = happy and Godly homes!

  10. I actually think it’s a status symbol to be a stay at home mother/wife, and that in truth, MANY working wives and mothers would prefer it.

    But for starters, they don’t want to admit it, for fear of the clobbering they get from all sides. This includes those women who in their hearts want to go home, but for whatever reason cant, and so they are jealous, and unsupportive.

    Secondly, and this has been mentioned, but needs to be further emphasized: Men want their wives working! They want the income, and do not want to be burdened with the full responsibility of provision. They also resent the notion that their wife is at home “taking it easy”, while they are out in the daily grind.

    Lori, I agree with you that mens’ attitudes have on this have grown out of a response to feminism. But that’s part of where we need them to lead and help get the family out of this vicious circle. I feel very confident that if a husband, (newly married, or married for decades) offered his wife the opportunity to stay home, most would jump at the opportunity!
    It is such a relief to be free from the burden of trying to juggle it all. And a blessing on the family!!

  11. Is it possible a lot of these ”career women” just want to be married….but they dont want to be wives(help mate)

    Let’s stop and think….what if all the energy women spent pursuing careers they spent that same energy pouring into their husbands…..encouraging him, being his number 1 cheerleader, pushing him to be greater than his own potential without you…….instead of trying to ”compete” with him getting a career….

    then maybe….just maybe he would be in position to make a higher income so you both don’t ”have to work”

    A man is going to be less inclined to be greater than what he’s cable of as long as you are both making money….this just make men complacent…..

    my question is this….can you truly say you are your husbands help meet all the while handing your legacy (children) over to the government….and all the while competing with your husband for income(careers)?

    There used to be an old saying behind every great man is a great woman……

    behind not to suggest he is better…but behind to suggest she elevates him

    today

    behind every great man is …..no one….because the woman is competing with that man……this emasculates the man….and it denies the woman’s own femininity.

    1. This! Because my wife invested in our home, I was able to invest in my career, while still being the husband and father God calls me to be. His provisions are far greater than anything I would have on my own. And He has blessed me with a wife who encourages me.

    2. Part of it is the conditioning that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job on the face of the earth. Trying to scare women away from it. This is absolutely false i work for a few hundred people a year the stay at home wifes are the most relaxed people you will meet.

      And their husbands do not care if they did nothing all day as long as the house is clean and they are in a good mood which is not some full time job. I said house not hotel. All these women working talking about “my career” they are more stressed than you know.

      I do all my sales so am always judging people, everything. And no not all these guys are rich some literally not figuratively pinch pennies and the wives shop at thrift stores. And i know its going to strike a nerve but they age well.

  12. This is the problem. The woman frames her actions of being a working mother as good. But our Bible tells us that she and women like her contribute to the blasphemation of Gods word. Interestingly the bible doesnt expand upon how this happens, only that it does happen. This woman needs to face the other side of the coin, she is contributing to the blasphemation of Gods word. This is the seriousness of her actions. We all need to take heed and respond accordingly.

  13. Sometimes I hear women say when asked what they do “Oh, me? Oh, am just a stay at home mum/ just a housewife…etc” I feel like saying to them “JUST??? where is the Just? Those are IMPORTANT jobs!”

    1. When my husband and I met his brother’s girlfriend she went around asking all the family members what we do for a living. I simply said, I’m a stay at home mom. My husband was quick to add that I have a side hustle where I resell clothing online. Later that day, he told me he regretted saying anything about it because it gave the impression that being “just a stay at home Mom” wasn’t enough. We both are on the same page with a wife’s role in marriage, thank God! 😁

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