Do I Promote Marital Rape?

Do I Promote Marital Rape?

For the past six years, I have published a post almost every day. I love writing, researching, and mentoring women in the ways of godly womanhood. The past few days, my viral post has gone viral again and a few other posts have as well. As of right now, my Facebook page has received two and a half million hits. I want to discuss one of the posts that has gone viral since I am being accused of promoting marital rape from this post:

I believe in God’s Word. I want to live in obedience to it; for it is the least I can do. God commands us to not deprive our spouse sexually in 1 Corinthians 7:5 so I teach women to not deprive their husbands sexually. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Corinthians 7:5). This isn’t marital rape. God doesn’t say that husbands should force their wives to have sex. He commands the wives to not deprive their husbands and husbands not to deprive their wives for lack of self-control.

 This is teaching women to lovingly serve their husbands and submit to them. We reap what we sow. If we sow love and good-will towards our husbands, we will most likely reap love and good-will from them. There is nothing evil about this. Plus, I only teach women, therefore, every single thing you read on my blog and Facebook page is geared towards women.

Most women, unfortunately, are in rebellion to the Lord’s ways. They want to go their own way and do their own thing. They don’t want anyone to tell them what to do, especially as it concerns their husbands because they are supposedly liberated. Liberated from what? Being good, cheerful, and loving wives?

“Normally some 86 percent of all divorces in America are initiated by wives, with not over 14 percent initiated by husbands…It seems certain that the greatest single cause of unhappiness in homes and of divorce is rebellion on the part of the wife…Wives cannot win their husband either for the Lord or for themselves if they do not learn to submit to their husbands and obey them. Real godliness in a Christian woman will enable her to do what God has required of her – yielding submission and loving obedience to her husband.” (Dr. John Rice)

Submission isn’t forced. Not depriving our husbands of sex is not forced. Obedience to the Lord and to our husbands isn’t forced. They are given freely and in love. If Christ asks us to carry our cross and be willing to even die for Him, the least we can do is to be sacrificially willing to make our husbands happy by not depriving them sexually.

It’s a choice we make. “Where the will goes, the heart will follow. God will help any woman’s heart to love her husband if she will turn her will to the obedience which God commands…Wives, love your husbands; and if that seems hard, obey them, and let God put love in your hearts.

“Let the wife see that she makes home happy. What God requires is not a cold and austere obedience. What husbands want is not the meticulous service of a slave. A husband wants devotion, wants sincere heart desire to please and make him happy. The wife whose love is often spoken and always shown by her service, the normal and proper need of admiration and praise and deference to the head of the home, will find her cares richly repaid.

“Wife, is it hard to love your husband? You loved him once! You found then certain qualities of mind, certain attractive ways that seemed to you irresistible. And if you let him go, some other woman will find him just as attractive and brave and wonderful as once you thought him. Why not let him be your lover? Why not forgive the wrong, forget the past, and set out to love where you ought to love? God will make home sweet, and love will blossom again, when Christians do right.” (Dr. John Rice)

This is God’s perfect plan for us, women. Yes, it’s completely foreign to most Christian women today, since they don’t study the Bible for themselves and they don’t have older women who are obeying Titus 2:4, 5: teaching the younger women to love and obey their husbands. These are God’s instructions to you. They are not mine; they are God’s. If you refuse to obey them, you will not enjoy the blessings on your life that God has for you such as peace, joy, and a good marriage. Choose God’s ways.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5, 6

19 thoughts on “Do I Promote Marital Rape?

  1. Lori, the comments were completely horrible. Your words really riled them up. Just remember the Bible says the unsaved will not understand your message because they do not have the Holy Spirit in them. It is not up to us to fight this evil, this is Gods battle with Satan. Enjoy your week off!

  2. Oh, I will miss you on your week off but it is well deserved. Please know that there are many women like myself who are not able to comment frequently, but read this daily for encouragement/admonition.

    I heard a long time ago the phrase “treat him like a king and he’ll treat you like a queen” and I have found that to be true in my marriage. I have found that every small sacrifice I make such as giving kindness for crabbiness when he comes home tired from work is rewarded ten fold.
    The same is so true for sex…that phrase fake it till you make it-go ahead wives and cheerfully join in (not reluctantly!) and before long you are both having fun, not just him:) I hope I haven’t said too much. I love my husband and I love the Lord – both have been better to me than I deserve.

  3. Enjoy your break, Lori! But do be encouraged – you are doing good work. Don’t let them get you down. Your words a needed in a world that has lost its way!!

    1. Lori, one more comment. I’m not on Facebook any more, but I just hopped on to look at your account and see what you were talking about. And YIKES, there are some horrible, vile women commenting on your account. I’m so sorry. And I wanted to say that if you ever wanted to make it a moderated, private page, I’m sure no one would mind – and it might make it a more positive place for the ladies who want to learn from you without having to see the disgusting words that are spewing from your trolls.

      Blessings!!

  4. Lori, it’s so sad to hear that you are getting such bad comments, I got off of Facebook for that very reason, it was so disheartening to see how mean and angry people can be.

    I hope you find some encouragement knowing that your blog has turned my life around. I have the sweetest, most loyal husband who would never have told me how moody I was; completely letting my emotions rule my attitude. God has used your blog to show me a different way to act.

    I totally get what you are saying in this post, it is all about attitudes towards our husbands. I was someone who would withhold sex until he could somehow fix my attitude (not necessarily doing that on purpose, just feeling like I can’t​ be intimate til I am happy with him). I realized what a blessing sex was to our marriage and a way to draw closer to my husband, not a tool to manipulate him. I have so much more joy with my kids and husband than ever before. When I feel my attitude start to take over I turn to the Word and your blog to set my heart right again. Thanks for dealing with the meanness of this world to reach the few that truly are getting it. You are helping save marriages and souls.

  5. All I can say is thank you for your wisdom on living a truly Godly life for me and my family.
    I’m sorry your under so much attack at the moment but there is those of us out there that God is touching though your words. Those who mock don’t really want to submit to Him or their husbands and it’s easier to shoot the messenger rather than look at themselves and change. I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer. Thank you again. Xxx

  6. They are quite the hypocrites. 50 Shades of Wrong became a bestseller with movies and everything and they LOVED that. But to suggest a wife say “yes” to her husband, oh no! that they take issue with?!

    I too am sorry about the vile comments directed towards you in their arrogance. They have no idea what love is.

  7. That fact that people are accusing you of promoting marital rape is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! The hatefulness in some people’s’ hearts is beyond sad. I have followed your teachings and my marriage has never been better. Enjoy your time off and your family! You deserve it. Praying for peace.

  8. I had this conversation with my husband only one time, the night after we were married. I told him, respectfully and plainly, that unless I was physically unable (monthly cycle, post partum, flu or other significant illness) my answer would always be “yes.” There has never been an “I’m too tired,” or “I have a headache” in 26 years and there has never been an unreasonable demand in that same time because in my respect for him he has shown me the same. I feel adored and respected, not raped.

  9. Amen and Amen!!
    May the LORD richly bless you for speaking the Truth in love. I am so very grateful for your willingness to boldly proclaim biblical truths in the Name of Jesus. May this week off renew and rejuvenate you as you enjoy the precious gift of family.

  10. Thanks,Lori, for all your diligence in teaching younger women. Do not be discouraged; press on for great is the reward!!!

  11. I love this so much, the rocky road of marriage is made easier by serving my husband properly… Thank-you for everything you post!!!

  12. Please know our Lord used this post of yours to touch and help me. I just started following you about 2 weeks ago.
    Don’t stop encouraging us younger wives. We need your help.
    The enemy always uses what he can to stop ministering-especially in this area that has gone completely array in this age and time. God bless you for speaking the truth. Just know you have helped me and you have made a difference for the Kingdom.
    Persist and keep doing the great work you have. He sees your commitment and devotion.
    Sending my love from one sister in Christ to another<3

  13. This post is so true. The Bible DOES tell us to be intimate with our husbands, and when we do, it’s pretty hard to not enjoy it and the rewards are so great!

    I’ll miss your daily posts while you’re away, they’re so encouraging to me!

  14. You write, “If we sow love and good-will towards our husbands, we will most likely reap love and good-will from them.” This can be the case but not necessarily in situations of domestic violence amongst Christian couples. In these situations, mutuality does not exist because one partner is exerting power and control over the other through the use of violence and abuse. It only takes one incident of violence or the threat of violence to scare a wife into submission. Sometimes abusive Christian men use scripture to support their control over their wives. It is estimated that nearly 30% of married women experience some form of domestic violence.

    How can a Christian woman discern whether or not she is a victim of domestic violence? Check out the Religion and Violence E-Learning or RAVE Project website: http://www.theraveproject.org for more information and resources.

  15. “Marital Rape” is an oxymoron. There is no such thing. It is in the vocabulary of the ABSURD, those that deny truth. It is like ‘same-sex marriage’; there is no such thing. Since they abandon God, they abandon His word and His definition of things; reality!

    If you are MARRIED, by Biblical definition, you gave up your right to your body, otherwise you defraud your spouse and your God with whom you made the contract, the covenant, the vow.

    For those that don’t follow Hi word, answer to Him later, when He calls on you.

    1. 1 Thes 4 possibly describes a man’s relationship with his wife. Or maybe it’s just about his own body. Either way…

      That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
      (1 Thessalonians 4:4-5)

      God’s plan is for marriage to be about sanctification and honour, both for one another for Him.

      Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
      (1 Peter 3:7)

      After talking about submission, Peter advises husbands to honour the wife especially because she is physically weaker.

      There’s so much respect and beauty in a true Biblical marriage.

      Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
      (1 Corinthians 7:3)

      God made marriage to be about two people, loving and giving themselves to one another. It’s a beautiful, wonderful thing. Especially if God’s word is obeyed 100%, and a wife is submissive and the husband loves his wife with the same love Christ had, dying on the cross for us.

      Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
      (Ephesians 5:22)

      So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
      (Ephesians 5:28)

      In God’s plan, there is no such thing as marital rape because these is dignity, honour, respect and sacrifical love. Violence and cruelty doesn’t come into the picture, it’s so antithetical.

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