Do I Teach a Neanderthal Concept of Women?

Do I Teach a Neanderthal Concept of Women?

“Entitled husbands thinking their wife should remain inside the home as a ‘homemaker’ or ‘housewife’ leads to depression, isolation, anxiety, and more. Stop encouraging the Neanderthal concept of women should remain barefoot and pregnant and take care of their man’s needs and balance their entire family and household on her shoulders.” This was a comment left on my Facebook page. Apparently, she’s bought the feminist’s lies hook, line, and sinker.

Are husbands “entitled” who want their wives to be full-time homemakers? No, they are godly men who understand that God’s role for women is good, therefore, home is the best place for their wives. They work hard so their wives can be home full time. This doesn’t entitle them at all. They want their children to be raised by their children’s mother. They know this is not only protection for their wives but for their children. They know that no one can love and care for their children like their wives.

No, being a homemaker doesn’t lead to depression. Since women have left the home and tried to have it all, women are more depressed than ever before. Look up how many women are on anti-depressants and the numerous articles trying to explain why depression has skyrocketed among women. Women aren’t designed to do men’s work plus their own. The only reasons homemakers are depressed (other than a chemical imbalance) is because they have not been taught that it’s okay to not have a career and bring home a paycheck. They are right where God wants them to be and it is good. They need to learn that godliness with contentment is great gain and that as they love and serve their husbands and children, they are loving and serving Christ.

Is it a Neanderthal concept for women being barefoot, pregnant, taking care of their men’s needs, and balancing the entire family and household on her shoulders? No, it’s God’s concept for women and it’s perfect! Fertility is a short window in women’s life. By 30 years old, 90 percent of their eggs are gone so I always encourage women to NOT take their fertility for granted since children are the best blessings on this earth. Women were created to have children and it’s good!

I am sure she means by “taking care of their men’s needs” that she is referring to sex and yes, wives are commanded to not deprive their husbands in this area. Men have other needs too, however. They need good food, clean clothes, a clean home, someone to help raise their children, love, affection, respect, and so on. Generous, kind, and loving wives will provide these things for their husbands and they will do it with thankfulness. Good husbands are a huge blessing in their wives’ lives.

Concerning balancing their family and household on their shoulders, this is God’s calling for women. When their work and ministry are in the home and they know this is designed by their Creator, they manage it one day at a time and are thankful that they have the privilege of being home full time for their families. They understand that their husbands carry a heavy burden of providing for their families, so they don’t take this for granted. They are blessed and they know it.

God’s ways are good, women. Biblical womanhood is the opposite of feminism. I have been married going on 40 years, raised four children, and now have eleven grandchildren. I have been home full time for 35 years and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love the Lord and His plan for women. Try it and you will indeed see that it is good.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm 113:9

32 thoughts on “Do I Teach a Neanderthal Concept of Women?

    1. This is SO good Lori and couldn’t be more true!!! I am so thankful and feel beyond blessed to be home with our 3 young children. I worked full time as a nurse before children and dropped to part time after we had our first baby. Praise God that as I prayed and prayed to be home full-time he provided a raise for my husband that exceeded my earnings. This last year has been the BEST year for both my husband and I as I have been able to be home full time without managing my nursing career too. I have been able to really encourage my husband and I’ve seen his confidence blossom and his walk with the Lord become stronger. God’s ways are so good. Thank you for teaching what you do!

  1. This is well written. My wife has stated that she wouldn’t want to look back and regret being at work while our youngest is approaching adulthood. She has enjoyed each stage of our children’s lives, from the busy early years to the more relaxed recent years. We “shouldered” the family together, and the household was not a burden to her. It allowed me to invest myself in my work as needed, opening opportunities for better positions and allowing the entire family to enjoy the increase in income. It is amazing to me that so many men and women would give up all the benefits of a wife at home for a little extra income. It’s a very expensive tradeoff when the family looses out on so much when a wife works outside the home, in my opinion.

    1. Such a great comment and encouragement, Chris.
      When my youngest entered kindergarten, I sought out part-time work, feeling I “had” to. The little income supplementation was not worth the added stress to our already busy family. It’s not just the hours away from the home, it’s also the consistent physical, emotional, and cognitive energy exerted for someone else’s gain, outside of our families. I intentionally used the adjective “consistent” because, at times, there will be needs outside of my home that I desire to fill to serve friends, extended, & church family.
      For us, when we realized what we were sacrificing, it made sense for me to return home.

      1. Anonymous,
        If one consider what is spent on clothes for work, gas and maintenance on a vehicle, and childcare, working is often a net loss for many. I am glad you found joy in being home and believe God will bless you and your husband’s decision to do so.

    2. I agree that it is an expensive trade-off and I would rather be home full time with my children. We downsized and I did that for a few years, but we were going in to debt, unable to pay for healthcare expenses, maintain our vehicle or have enough money for major repairs on our home. After living with only one car for three years and no hot water for four months, we made the decision for me to go back to work. My husband works from home, so we do not pay for childcare. The fact of the matter is, my husband only has an MBA and I can bring home triple his income with better insurance benefits. So, while for many, it may be ‘only a little extra income.’ For many others, it’s a MONTHLY 5 digit income increase.

      1. I’m with you 100% Anna! Fortunately I have lived all my life in an area where I can go barefoot year round, which I do!! I took my role as a barefoot and pregnant housewife very literally and am still very proud to be a “barefoot housewife” As long as my husband doesn’t object (which he never has – he thinks it’s cute) then I don’t worry about anyone else that would object!

  2. I had the privilege to work at a pre-school for my first *real job*. I was 16 and a mere 2 hrs. after school M-F. It didn’t take much time for me to make the decision that my future children would never be left for hours on end in the care of others. We had great teachers and aides, loved the kids, & tried to make their days special. But we were a poor substitute for mom. I was working pick up time with another aide one day. She worked split mornings & afternoons as she was in college. She told me that some of our kids got dropped off as early as 6:00am and picked up at 5:30pm. We calculated that these kids would get home by 6pm, eat dinner, bathe, & be in bed by 7-7:30pm. That’s not even raising your own children. It’s cruel, really.

    I love being home all day, even with no children to care for. There is always something to do. I worked at the beginning of our marriage and our lives were out of control busy. Complete misery and exhaustion.
    Going home allowed me to get to know my neighbors, help out friends and family, my home was always clean, our yard was overflowing with flowers, & we had our entire weekend together. We didn’t have to run errands, go shopping, clean, do laundry, etc. 1000% improvement. Yes, one THOUSAND!!

    I see my friends that work full time and they are always sick, tired, cranky, etc. They claim to love their career but do nothing but complain about work. The job, the people, the inability to get everything done. They spend tons of extra money buying the same thing over and over because their homes are so disorganized they can’t find anything, stains set in their clothes because they don’t have time to tend them immediately, they isolate because they won’t have company due to the mess, don’t have time to visit anyone, & always sound depressed, anxious, & on edge. No thank you. I got off that crazy train and have never looked back.

  3. It always seems to take a generation or 2 for us to realize our collective errors. Feminism has resulted in the MGTOW movement (which itself will inevitably result in another correction), but I think the biggest problem the church has lies in trying to figure out how to secure God’s financial blessings in order for us to keep to His pattern for the family AND survive financially in our expensive, over-taxed, and inflated economy.

  4. It would be lovely if you could figure out how to add an “edit post” function, so we could correct grammar and syntax errors before it’s published. Just a thought…

  5. Since I have been following your posts, I have been actively working to be a better wife to my husband and I can tell you that I am a much happier person now than before. Before attending the needs of my husband I was bitter and resentful over silly little things. I thought I was supposed to be. But now, we are both happier and healthier and his boost in confidence is an elixir. I think back and wonder, why was I ever taught that feminist garbage.

    I was raised in a multigenerational feminist background of hen-pecking and nagging. All of the women in my family have been divorced at least once. What kind of happiness and empowerment is that?! We are raised in a society that teaches women to focus on the white dress, the ring, and the fantasy wedding. Then do everything you can to destroy it. Why find a man you love and then do everything to dishonor him? I have so many regrets. But at least there was one thing I learned from my childhood; I’ll never ever get divorced (I learned that from my dad). That has been my one rule.

    And now thanks to your blog, I have also learned to be a loving wife. I love my husband with all my heart; I always have. He is my best friend. Now I know that it’s ok to let him know that too, each and every day that we have together. Being a feminist is a backward way of living. Feminism is what causes depression, loneliness, and bitterness. Being a loving and devoted wife is freedom. Thanks for writing your blog. I read it every day and save them for future needs. I know you get hammered for your facebook posts, but there are women whose lives you are changing.

    1. You’re welcome, Ginny! Yes, sin is bondage and Christ came to set the prisoner free yet many think that sin (going against God’s will is freedom) but they are being deceived. But seeds are being planted and prayerfully, God will continue to soften hardened hearts.

      1. Yes! I believe there is a rival happening. More and more women are staying home with their babies and creating solid families. Thank you, Lori.

  6. I visited with a few friends yesterday after nearly a year apart. It’s so so sad to see how feminism has brainwashed them! All work outside the home, complain about their jobs, have massive college debt, and no time to be a wife or mother. One has two kids in daycare, even on days when she isn’t at work. I just don’t understand how a mother can actually want to be separated from their children. The other friend is a newlywed and remarked that she isn’t a bride anymore, now she’s just a wife. I thought that was the purpose of marriage? To actually become a wife and hopefully a mother?

    I fear she just wanted the big wedding to have a party, not to be serious about serving her husband. And sadly there is no respect for their husbands either. They were actually bragging about not doing their husbands’ laundry and how they have to do it themselves. What a sad time we are in! I came home and told my husband all about it. Our marriage is stronger than ever since our son was born and I became a homemaker and mother full time. Unfortunately I can now see that the biblical way is really a minority these days. If only they could understand how misled they truly are!!

    1. You are an example to them of biblical womanhood, Kelly. Speak the truth in love to these women as often as you can and pray their hearts will be softened to God’s wonderful ways.

  7. ‘Entitled husbands thinking their wife should remain inside the home as a ‘homemaker’ or ‘housewife’ leads to depression, isolation, anxiety, and more. Stop encouraging the Neanderthal concept of women should remain barefoot and pregnant and take care of their man’s needs and balance their entire family and household on her shoulders.’

    Great article Lori.

    Women desperately need to hear this message, as younger women are severely misinformed about what kind of life will be most satisfying to them, and most profitable to society. You would think if having as many children as possible in marriage leads to great joy in marriage for the Godly women who do it, and makes for a very strong future nation, that with a practice being so overwhelmingly successful, short and long term, that it wouldn’t take much to convince women of it’s viability. However, you’d be wrong. Selfish men will say and do anything to pervert this design, as having as much sex as possible, without children, is a very pleasing prospect to them. Same goes for selfish women.

    Feminists have created more women who are ‘depression, isolation, anxiety’, today, than ever before in American history. Yet, they keep sniffing, snorting, and sneering at practices that help them and society.

    Visited Cal Poly San Luis Obispo College Thursday – Saturday, as we are setting up a New California State (https://www.newcaliforniastate.com/), and it was very distressing to see thousands of very attractive young women, in their teens/early twenties, walking around, without a child or pregnant woman in sight, and doing what young women often do when they don’t value God and virtue. To say they were dressed scandalously would be an understatement. The college is full of men who are weak, and you know this because when women dress immodestly in society in large numbers, you can be sure the men are weak for tolerating it and encouraging it, and of women who have no compunction about baring the assets that only a husband should be seeing in the marriage bed, for the entire world to see, in a massive case of false advertising. For, God gave a woman her beauty to allure a man to marry her and to provide for her and her children. When she displays this beauty with no intention to have children, to entice a man to have sex with her, she grossly perverts and distorts God’s design. She is dangerous to virtuous men, because men don’t have an on/off switch.

    When we see immodest women, we need to make ourselves scarce, or we become trapped by the one danger God told a strong man that he was to flee from, he was too weak to deal with it. Almost seems like a paradox, how God commands a man to flee from immodest and wh*rish women, but it’s for the man’s safety. Eventually, strong men and women form stable and happy families, and sometimes, the misery the whorish behaviors brings to the practitioners, makes them desire something better and they turn to a life of wisdom and virtue.

  8. What this woman wrote is clearly telling. Either she is not saved and does not understand the things of God, or at best she is a lukewarm Christian who listens to preachers who tickle her ears. She is trying to make God fit into her box. If a housewife is depressed, she should look into wether there is a hormonal imbalance etc. Otherwise, I would ask how often is she in the word? What kind of teaching or teachers influence her? No wonder she is so deluded.

  9. I get a kick out of that word ‘Neanderthal’. Such an evolutionary word! It conjures up the picture (like Lori has posted) of dull, plodding, ape like people…just another step in the chain.

    Adam and Eve were anything but. Yes, God made them coats out of skin, but they were brilliant individuals. When they were cast out of the Garden, I’m sure they had to work hard together simply to survive. Key word is together. Husbands working hard to provide for their families and wives working hard to take care of the family in the context that God provided. Each member has their own role to fulfill, and life certainly is out of whack when we don’t stick to our God given roles.

  10. LOL, I actually was proud when I called myself barefoot and pregnant, I was having one after another. I carried that badge with pride.

    It is in the churches as well not just in the world. That pull is very dangerous to our daughters.

  11. I certainly was depressed, anxious, and yes, even isolated in many ways, when I worked from ages 18-36. I worked when I was pregnant with our only child, and only had the joy of being at home barefoot during the last month of my pregnancy. Oh how I wish I had met my husband sooner and we could have had a house full of children! I wish I had come home the day we married, but we had debts to pay. I had always wanted to be at home, but thought we should be married at least two years before children. Foolish. I lost our first child and it took another year before our son was born.

    Today, I’m a joyful, at-home, home-schooling mom and I thank my husband every day for going to work to provide so well for us!

    Love your blog and book, Lori, and I just found your videos and they are very encouraging. Thank you for speaking the truth so boldly! Women who need to find you, will.

  12. I am a SAHM to my two under 2. I plan on homeschooling them when they are a bit older. I do not plan on joining the workforce outside the home and I would not consider myself a feminist by today’s standards.

    However, I do think that being a homemaker can be very isolating. When our oldest was 2 months old, we moved clear across the country for my husband’s work. I found myself with a young baby and soon to fall pregnant again with baby #2 all while in a new location with no family, friends or solid support structure. We attend church weekly and I go to as many events as I can to get involved. But it’s hard to meet new people who you can trust enough to incorporate them into your support structure. Especially in that first year, I dealt with a lot of feelings of being “down” (maybe not “depressed” per se, but definitely not my happy, sunny, usual self). I think that was largely due to the fact that my only real face-to-face confidante and friend was my husband, and even he was someone I rarely saw on weekdays due to his very busy work schedule.

    I think being a SAHM can be incredibly isolating and bad for your health if your life lacks community… real, face-to-face community in the flesh. And some pat answer like “go to church. Get involved there.” doesn’t always work, and if it does, it can take years to build true friendship. And that assumes you don’t move around frequently/every several years like our family does. Being a SAHM can be really hard, which is why I’ve used this stage of my life to focus on strengthening the relationship I have with my husband and with God. It’s not easy. It’s a daily struggle. And it should be acknowledged that being a SAHM does have the potential to be quite isolating especially when the kids are very young like mine.

  13. After the Coronavirus kills tens of millions of people and single, childless women descend into the horror of old age, loneliness, and death that awaits them, young women will flock to old-fashioned womanhood.

  14. This is very good, thank you for posting it. It does feel like it’s harder and harder to push past the feminism that has infiltrated everywhere and to look at what Scripture has to say. I’ve learned in recent years just how much we’ve swallowed the lies feminism offers us. Taking a good look at Proverbs 31 always keeps me grounded in remembering that God has not only designed us to care for our household, but that there is nothing more noble.

    1. My mother had one at 42, another (me) 15 months later at 43, and yet another 22 months later at 45.
      God is a God of love and mercy who loves to restore the years the locust have eaten.

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