Setting the Record Straight Again

Setting the Record Straight Again

Written By Ken

About every six to twelve months, I sense the need to try and set the record straight concerning the Alexanders. I know many of you think we should ignore the haters, which we do most often, but it just seems right to speak out every once in a while for clarity’s sake.

I tweeted my first tweet the other night after getting a message from a friend that the trolls were attacking a Twitter account that they thought was me. I felt badly for someone being attacked falsely in my place, so I fired up Lori’s computer and saw that her Twitter account was up so I clicked on it and entered the person’s handle. I really had no idea what I was doing, but I posted a couple comments saying, “This is Ken, and I don’t do Twitter” and “None of the stuff posted against us here is true… none of it.”  I will not go through the laundry list of crazy accusations against us as there is no shred of truth in them. Some are just made up lies out of thin air and others come from a mischaracterization of some post that Lori wrote in her volumes of writings and comments.

Some time ago, Lori wrote that we spanked one of our children for four hours. What she should have said is that we had to discipline a stubborn child for four hours with some swats on the bottom followed by long “time outs” in her bed, until finally, about four hours later the child did what they were told to do. There was no upset or yelling, the swats were not excessive, just explaining clearly to our child that they cannot say “No!” to their parents in our family. To any sensible observer, the discipline would be considered reasonable, not very painful, but it consistently lasted until the child learned to obey. We found our children only tested us one time like this, and once they knew they could not win, they quickly obeyed. And we would do exactly the same thing today if we were young parents, as consistency the first time your two to three year old tests you almost always pays great dividend of learned obedience, except with the toughest of wills.

If you have never had to go toe to toe for an hour or more with a stubborn two to three year old, you either have a very cooperative children or you are a permissive parent. We were not, and the proof of our success can be found in four godly young adults, whose wonderful spouses see them as extremely mature, disciplined, and emotionally well-adjusted. I will not waste any more time refuting the blatant lies. We know that we have nothing to fear from Satan, the Father of lies, who wants nothing more than to seek to destroy and devour Lori’s thriving ministry and take us down too.  If they succeed, we’ll still rest fully in the hands of God knowing it is His ministry and we belong to our Lord.

But there is another far more important record that I wish to try and set straight as to why Lori writes what she writes, and why I support her in it. The reason is very simple in that we are trying to help win as many people to the Lord as possible before our gracious Lord and Savior returns with a sword in His mouth to smite His enemies. We do not want to be enemies with the trolls, but we will not back down from what God has called every Christian to do when He says,

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28: 19-20).

Some who read The Transformed Wife counsel her to tone down the message and tame it so as to not offend. They believe her message has the potential to cost the Kingdom of losing souls by turning Seekers off to the Gospel. It’s not that we are unsympathetic to this appeal, but we truly believe that God has placed Lori in a unique position at a unique time in history that the Church needs to hear what she knows and teaches so strongly at her core. Those things that God Himself has asked all older godly women to teach, yet few are willing or able to do so. Even if they tried, the younger generation has little interest in listening to such wisdom. These are not complicated or difficult things to teach as they are plainly and simply taught in God’s Word, but our churches have chosen to ignore any emphasis upon them as they clash with culture, and yes, risks persecution and lies, and lost membership.

Our churches have, as a whole, become Seeker friendly places that are unwilling to offend with God’s very own Word. And what are those offensive words older godly women and pastors will no longer teach?

“Teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands,
to love their children,
to be discreet,
keepers at home,
obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed”
(Titus 2:4-5)

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127.3)

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

“as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24).

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear” (1 Peter 3:1-2).

“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church” (1 Corinthians 14:34-35).

“And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence” (1 Timothy 2:12).

There are a few other topics Lori covers but these are the bulk of them. Please tell me how you believe your church, and the Church as a whole, is doing with teaching these proven, God given, and time-tested principles of the Word.

In every generation, God seems to raise up a few voices to call His Church to attention. It certainly was never in the Lori’s mind when she started what she thought would be a small mentoring program, that God may use her to help thousands of women come to know and understand these vital principles of life, marriage, family, and order in the church. She realizes that this is God’s ministry, done out of love for women and out of great regret that she did not know these things when she was younger. She understands that it is God who has raised up the ministry and He can shut it down at any time He so chooses, giving her even more time to be a great wife, mother, and grandma to a family that has come to honor and adore her love and service in our lives.

But she does this ministry, and I allow it and help her with it, for the sake of Evangelism! Yes, I know this may be hard to understand for some, but the fact is that there is no greater evangelistic tool given to the church than strong Christian families raising a quiver full of the next generation of godly offspring. If by far the greatest number of those who will be saved in the Kingdom will come from a Christian home, where O Church is our best investment and return? Tip-toeing around the Seekers? Or by strongly admonishing Christian families who are raising up the children of God in their homes to get on God’s page of family life and marriage?

There are many gifts in the body of Christ, the Church, and endless places for women to serve without being in the pulpit, but there is not a more important place of ministry than in one’s own home. Teaching our children the Word, memorizing it with them, taking them to AWANA, and schooling them in the vast difference between the world and the Alexanders or Wilsons or Smiths. We are set apart for God and are in the world, but not in Satan’s World system.

I know most of you get it, and we hear from many of you encouraging Lori to stand strong as a voice in the wilderness crying to the Church and families to repent and get back on God’s track for family life and order in the church. For wives to live in submission in a way that wins disobedient husbands and children back to the Lord. Your kind comments and spectacular testimonies are so greatly appreciated to see God working as you stepped out in faith to match up your life with God’s Word.

Our mission is very simple. We want everyone, everywhere to believe in our Lord Jesus Christ and accept the free gift of salvation that God is granting by grace through faith alone. Jesus, God in the flesh, came to live as a man and die on a cross for our sins. All we have to do is believe Him and choose to follow Christ as our Lord. We do not work for salvation… we do not earn it. Yet, any child of God should be so overwhelmed by God’s love that the fruit of the Spirit within them will compel them to want to be like Jesus, an obedient child seeking to please her Father.

If you have not yet placed your full trust in Jesus and believed that the same God who has raised Christ from the dead can also raise you from your dead flesh and place His living Spirit within you, then we invite you to do so right now. Simply ask God to come into your life and rule it from now through eternity. It is that easy to find Jesus, but now you must also count the cost by placing your life under His Lordship. Let a Christian friend know about your new faith and commitment, and let us know so we can help you get into a strong Bible teaching church that will help you grow up into Christ Jesus and be all that God has called you to be.

Yes, that calling can be a doctor, lawyer, plumber or stay-at-home Mom, and you can be still be saved. The principles of Christian womanhood that Lori teaches are not things that will save you, but they are intended to make the Christian woman look for herself into the perfect Word of God and ask the question, “My God, what do you require of me?” If you can leave your babies in the arms of strangers and believe that you are better advancing the Kingdom of God than daily training them in the ways of the Lord, that is between you and your Lord Jesus. But please do not fault the one crying in the wilderness for Christian women to make their paths straight. To ponder God’s Word on these matters and choose wisely their ways that will affect them and their families for eternal years to come.

God’s ways are always good and always the best. Choose you this day whom you will serve. As for me and my family we will serve the Lord, and will live with the lies and slander against us because we can do no other. For we have come face-to-face with Jesus in His Word, in His sufferings, and in His many abundant and immense blessings that come from doing things God’s ways. We only want the same for you and the Church and  we pray that the next troll will see the light and wisdom that is abundantly found on this page and repent of her ways to find God’s best for her life,

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.
Jeremiah 6:16

32 thoughts on “Setting the Record Straight Again

  1. You know you’re doing something right when people hate you and persecute you. You guys are doing an awesome job keep advancing His kingdom.

  2. I love this. My marriage changed when I read Debi Pearls’s book and Lori is a daily reminder 🙂 Thank you for all you both do.

  3. I found the beginning of this post to be so inspiring. Seeing a husband standing with his wife in this manner is new to me. It was the end of the message that I found to be the most touching and heart stirring though. As I posted to Lori the other day, I’m not the most seasoned Christian. I have been “trying” to be a follower of Jesus for the past 3 years, but I’ve only become more broken and bruised in this course of time. I don’t have Christian friends or even family (the family that I do have seems to be more lukewarm than anything), so the road is so lonely and indiscernible. I’m 21, but I still feel like a 5 year old, wandering and lost in a place where no one seems to notice the turmoil I’m going through. I want to live for Jesus so very badly, but I need my heart to be cleansed by Him.

  4. The moment you believed in Jesus Christ, your heart was completely cleansed, Dion, so no believe it. I encourage you to listen to this sermon and all of his sermons through Romans, the most powerful book in the Bible. You will learn exactly what Christ accomplished on the cross and who you are in Christ. It’s life transforming! Buy a KJV and have a pen and notebook in hand, all prepared to take a LOT of notes.

  5. Thanks Kevin! TTW is simply trying to be faithful to what God has called her too in a lukewarm church and aggressive society. It’s not easy, but I pray for her strength each and every day as He continues to bless her ministry. We appreciate your support and those like you. Without that support of the body of true Believers it would be impossible.

  6. I so appreciate this ministry. Seeing all the persecution you deal with and knowing that those who follow Christ will be persecuted often makes me question my life as I don’t endure persecution much at all.

  7. Thank you Dion’Ya!

    Consider that if you are just 21 with the heart that you have now for the Lord how much God can use you in your coming years!

    Never give up, never give in, and simply pray that you might walk in the Newness of life that God has already given to us. You are a New Creature in Christ and all you have to do now is to keep in the Word and try to get in with a good group of solid Christian friends your age that are part of a Bible teaching church.

    Your spouse is going to be so blessed by you, so choose wisely and do not settle for God’s second best, but His very best in your life and marriage! O to be 21 again and know what I know now :). But I guess then I would not be who God has made me to be in Christ.

  8. Continue to preach the word, in season and out of season. You can not prevent anyone from being saved any more than you can save anyone yourself. It is the work of the Holy Spirit. We simply are privileged to participate in what He is doing.

  9. Thank you Mrs. M, as yo have been a strong supporter which we greatly appreciate!

    None of us should be looking to be persecuted, and in this country there is very little of that. I am not sure you can even call what we face persecution as it really is just slander and gossip by a group of women who hate what Lori teaches from the Word. They cannot stop her, so they lie about us to try to keep as many as possible in doubt and confusion.

    The thing is, God’s Word is not confusing at all, and the one speaking it or teaching it does not have to be perfect, or even without sin to be able to proclaim it clearly and openly. But the Devil does hate it when a person’s life actually matches up with what she teaches. That is the reason for most of the hate. Yet, with it all, we keep getting blessed with abundant fruit beyond what we could have ever asked or thought about. God is never unfaithful to those who are willing to stand strong for Him.

  10. Yes, you have to wonder what their lives really look like from the inside out. How miserable they must be.

    The thought crosses my mind that many of the same women who are just beside themselves that we gave swats to our children to teach them obedience, would have been just fine with the pain of destroying that same child limb by limb in the womb. Think about what sick logic it must take to be afraid of using modest pain to train a child in obedience, yet be willing to kill that same child in the womb. That is our world now, sad as it is. But we know who rules it now, and who will rule it soon… our Lord Jesus!

    We far prefer to birth our children and train them rather than discard them on the altar of convenience, affluence and our selfishness.

  11. Lori (my VT2) you are prayed for diligently for this much needed Ministry of “The Transformed Wife!” We praise God for your holy boldness to speak the truth in love! You both are a picture of the gospel!!! Thank you Ken, for loving your wife as Christ loves the church! We look forward to the day when we embrace our Lord together and Worship Him in complete perfection! No more trolls!!! He is near!To God be the glory!

  12. I think you have a mixture of responses, on the facebook page, but the good news is, at least they have read what you have written and maybe, despite their negative responses, God can convict them.

  13. Thank you both for your work and your diligence in doing as God commands you. I was ignorant to the direction one should take to be a godly woman. I fortunately and intentionally left the workforce (with my husband’s blessing) when my kids were very small and thank God for that! I am so much better informed for reading this blog daily and thank God He brought me back home before I even fully realized why. I am confident that my being home and intimately aware of what was going on in the lives of my children is what helped them get through various struggles, bullying, and the many pitfalls of public high school with drugs and premarital sex and so many other things. Now I have the task to re-educate my children about biblical womanhood (since the church has never all these years) and I trust in the Lord that it is not too late 🙂

    Ken your words are spot on. Thank you both for all you do.

  14. Thank you Anon!

    May the Lord bless you as abundantly and more than He has blessed the Alexanders as we faithfully try our best to follow our Lord Jesus at His Word.

  15. Yes, Heather, thank you!

    God’s Word and truth never comes back void, but it must fall on receptive soil to begin taking root and bearing fruit. May the Lord help us stay gracious and kind while not backing down from God Word on these important maters of life, marriage, family and godliness.

  16. I understand that you had disciplined your child for not doing what you had told her or him to do. Is there any chance that in this child’s mind, what you were requiring was unreasonable? Could that have been the source of resistance? “There are two sides to every story.” Proverbs 18:17-19

    Props to you for standing up for your wife.

  17. Thanks Cait,
    No. There was no chance that the child did not know what we were asking them to do. It was a very simple task of picking up some raisins off the the floor that we witnessed the bowl purposefully throw onto the ground as they did not want to eat them. Then when they were placed on the floor and told to pick them up while Mom was helping them do so, there was a loud “NO!”

    I don’t know how you discipline your 2-3 year olds when they throw their raisins on the ground and refuse to pick them up, but we make them pick them up, even if it takes them hours for them to decide to do so.

    We really were not stupid or ignorant parents but actually very in tune with our children, and it wasn’t our first or second child as if we didn’t know what we were doing. We found that this happened with 3 out of 4 of our children where they decided that their stubborn will was going to win and we had to consistently stick with it in that moment until they realized that they would have to do what we were asking of them. This is learning obedience.

    From then on out, discipline becomes easy. But if you lose that first major battle, then the second, then you don’t even battle anymore, or you become a “yeller” which we are not, you end up with many of the teenagers and young adults that the non-spankers have raised with many heart-breaking results. They never learned to obey so they are always testing the limits of their parents, God and society.

    We have proof positive that what we did and how we did it was appropriate and well received. Four godly wonderful young adults all married to super Christian spouses and all raising wonderful well behaved children… not always, but they are consistent in discipline.

    No one is expecting a child to be perfect, far less read a parent’s mind, but they do need to learn that their parent will be lovingly consistent with them. Our children would ALL say that is true of us in how we raised them, and they thank us for it.

    We’re not perfect in everything we did as parents, but overall we were excellent parents in both the love and consistent reasonable discipline. It is a dysfunctional thing to judge a parent on how they parented a child based on once instance with none of the facts, especially without considering the godly, well-adjusted children they produced. Kind, considerate, loving and without any emotional baggage or heartaches that most have now in the 30’s. Sure the teenage years and early adult years were tough, but the true test is when they hit 25-30 and all of the world’s pressures have been turned over to their God and they are faithfully walking with Him.

    Any parent who has had as much success in raising the children as we have, we are happy to have them throw the stones… that should silence about 90% of our critics, but it won’t because they have a messed up incongruity in their thinking. They believe it is impossible to raise fantastic well adjusted children in a conservative Christian home God’s using ways, no matter how much they actually see the proof in real life. God calls that blindness.

  18. Great response to the above question, Ken!

    One thing my husband has shown me with raising the kids is that I tend to be more permissive in the sense that I will justify my kids misbehavior. Like for example, maybe he didn’t hear me, maybe she misunderstood what I was telling her, etc and would hold off discipline. I think, since women tend to be more compassionate or emotional, that’s it’s pretty easy to fall into this pattern. . . The problem is, my kids are wise to it now and it drives me crazy to tell them to do something more than once and I end up getting frustrated. My husband says if they don’t obey the first time, calmly correct them and move on. No justification.

  19. Ken, can you set the record straight? There is a pdf that shows you wrote it is sometimes “normal” behavior among siblings. How do you respond to this pdf?

  20. No… that is not what I said. I have not seen the .pdf but I can tell you that I believe that children exploring sexual touch and behaviors with siblings is unfortunately pretty widespread, but I never said such youthful sins are “normal.” I do not condone the behavior and was shocked growing up that it was so routine among my peers in another country.

    Knowing the somewhat common practice we taught our children from an early age that no one was too touch their privates, or to parade around naked. These things were to be reserved for just them and their future spouse.

    The post below explains things quite clearly where I stand by John V. Caffaro is a distinguished professor at the California School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles:

    “To be clear, sexual curiosity in children is normal. All children explore their bodies and may engage in visual or even manual exploration of a sibling at times. This is one way that children discover sexual differences between boys’ and girls’ anatomies. Even siblings of the same gender become curious about variations in shapes and sizes of their sex organs. Two small children exploring each other’s bodies does not predestine them to a life of emotional suffering.”

  21. Hi, As you know I live in the UK. Here is a good, recent, example of why I encourage people to stay strong, I assume strong Christians will be loving., 4th March 2020, “A poll this week showed that the proportion of members of the Church of England who believe same-sex marriage is wrong has declined from 47% in 2013 to 34% now. The survey, conducted by YouGov, also showed a marked increase in the number saying same-sex marriage is right, from 38% in 2013 to 48% in 2020. The poll highlighted a generational difference, with more than two-thirds of Anglicans under the age of 50 backing same-sex marriage.” To me inclusion is letting everyone feel welcome in a service so they can hear the correct gospel and be convicted by God and helped by us but we shouldn’t be letting people think that same sex marriages are right. I personally believe that one of the main reasons that there are same sex marriages among Christians is because, when they are convicted by God that it is wrong, they will dismiss it because other Christians that they look up to are telling them that it is OK.

  22. Hello Lori I came across ur blog from Pinterest . I loved everything u preach and immediately ordered ur book . As I read ur book and ur health issues and brain surgeries I am in awe and inspired by your strength . I’m 37 and lord has finally blessed me with fiancé who is my king. He encourages me to stay home and we will build a life together. Thank you for ur work. I cannot appreciate ur efforts in spreading this message of biblical marraige

  23. Ken, this quote says such behavior happens among all children and is normal.

  24. Just because something is normal doesn’t mean that it is good or right. Surely you must know this. Many children played “doctor” with each other when they were young.

  25. I have ordered and read through the Biblical Womanhood study and I must admit that, even as a serious, conservative, traditional Christian woman, the contents are a little unsettling in their “extremeness.” I think this is mostly because I do believe it’s biblical sound which means I now have an obligation to practice these things which also means that I will inevitably face some resistance and persecution, soft though it may be. I’m preparing myself for a lonely road ahead in terms of like minded fellowship, but hopefully I can win some women to our side!

    I admire the ministry and your desire to reach lost souls, especially. I would highly recommend that you read a short book by Ray Comfort called “God Has a Wonderful Plan for Your Life: The Myth of the Modern Message.” I have just finished it and I now have an understanding of the way to introduce true conversion of the lost souls. I challenge you to read it and consider your own evangelical methods. I find it to be entirely biblically sound and I think you both will too. You clearly aren’t afraid of presenting a pill that seems hard to swallow for our sick and fallen world, so I pray that this truth finds you (if it hasn’t already) and that you use it to advance the kingdom of our Wonderful God.

  26. The truth has found us! Thank you for the recommendation. It sounds like a great book! May the Lord bring into your life like-minded fellowship but I know it can be hard to find, yet we’re promised that there will always be a remnant.

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