Don’t Be a Loud Woman!

Don’t Be a Loud Woman!

Written and reposted with permission by Michael Foster at It’s Good to Be a Men

J. C. Ryle warned, “It is only too true, that thoughtlessly entering into marriage is one of the most fertile causes of unhappiness, and too often, it may be feared, of sin.”

A chorus of henpecked husbands and divorced men say, “Amen!” Marriage is full of risk. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Many are the victims of an ungodly woman. In Proverbs 7:26, Solomon warns, “numerous are all her slain.” Most warnings about immoral women are written off as the babble of bitter men. But Scripture is the words of the Holy Spirit. We do well to heed its warnings.

Now, there are many who think the risks of marriage outweigh the benefits. I don’t belong to that group, but I understand how men have came to that conclusion. It’s difficult to find a woman who hasn’t been brainwashed by feministic nonsense. Family law is clearly biased against men in despicable ways. Worst yet, many churches allow and even recommend divorce on unbiblical grounds. Such an environment does discourage marriage. So I get it.

But marriage is the normative state for most people. According to Christ, lifelong singleness is exceptional (Matt 19:11–12). The norm is a life of marriage, sex, and children. This should be pursued—but, as Ryle cautioned, not thoughtlessly.

The dangers of a bad marriage can be greatly mitigated by understanding the biblical purpose of marriage, and finding a wife who will join you in the pursuit of that purpose. In the previous part of this series I focused on how to filter out bad candidates for a wife by looking for immodesty. Here, I’ll continue to consider the attributes of a bad woman, but will also circle back around to the purpose of marriage.

To review…
Ungodly women advertise their sexual availability through their clothing. They use it like a lure to draw in “young men lacking sense” (Pr 7:7). Think of an angler-fish’s glowing lure. It bedazzles for the purpose of consumption. Such is the purpose of a woman who dresses like a harlot. She is on the prowl.

Hence, ungodly attire should function as a sort of aposematism—the bright coloration of animals to advertise that they are dangerous. Brightly colored snakes, frogs, and bugs are often poisonous. They’re beautiful to behold, but deadly to touch. Thus, the wise man carefully avoids scantily-clad ladies.

But not all predators are easily spotted. Many are experts at hiding or using camouflage. Such is the case with many other immoral women. They don’t dress provocatively. At first glance they look like modest women—but this is a mere cloak. Their dress is quite the opposite of their character.

The biggest warning sign of all
This brings us to what I would consider the clearest indicator that a woman is bad candidate for a wife: she is loud.

She is loud and stubborn;
her feet do not stay at home. Proverbs 7:11

This is a woman you must avoid. She will destroy you.

A loud woman is not necessarily one who speaks with too much volume. The Hebrew word can also be translated as boisterous or tumultuous. It speaks of turbulence or commotion, and is meant to bring to mind the roaring wind of a storm. Therein we find a good metaphor for a loud woman.

Like a storm, she is full of unruly energy
She yields only to her own purposes.

This definition of a loud woman comes further into focus when we consider how “loud and stubborn” is paralleled against “her feet do not stay at home.” This woman has a husband. She is supposed to be submitted to his mission. It’s his home she should be caught up in the work of building. However, she is off doing her own thing. She refuses to be “chained down” to the home of one man.

Matthew Henry put it well:

“By her place, not her own house; she hates the confinement and employment of that; her feet abide not there any longer than needs must. She is all for gadding abroad, changing place and company. Now is she without in the country, under pretense of taking the air, now in the streets of the city, under pretense of seeing how the market goes. She is here, and there, and every where but where she should be. She lies in wait at every corner, to pick up such as she can make a prey of. Virtue is a penance to those to whom home is a prison.”

The loud woman hates the home because the home represents submission to a will besides her own. Therefore, she prowls for a fool who will help her achieve her ends. Commenting on the verse just prior, Proverbs 7:10, in their excellent Old Testament commentary, Keil & Delitzsch explain the motives of this brazen woman:

“…she is of a hidden mind, of a concealed nature; for she feigns fidelity to her husband and flatters her paramours as her only beloved, while in truth she loves none, and each of them is to her only a means to an end, viz., to the indulgence of her worldly sensual desire.”

The loud woman swings from man to man like a monkey swings from branch to branch. Men exist to serve her mission. They are useful in so much they allow her to fulfill her desires. Sheryl Sandberg is a great example of a loud woman. In Lean In, she writes:

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

What makes a good husband according to Sandberg? It’s a man who doesn’t get in the way of his wife’s ambitions. This is why the commanding “alpha males” of her youth won’t do. They’ll buck against her demands and manipulations. Sandberg, like all loud women, eventually settles on a compliant “beta” who knows who’s in charge.

This, of course, is an inversion of the biblical pattern. Manhood is ultimately about a man building God’s house by building his own. This work can’t be fulfilled alone. It requires a woman. Hence, God brought Eve to Adam as a helper. She is a necessary complement to the mission of the man—but she isn’t the mission.

The loud woman will not submit herself to such a situation. In time, she will look for a way out, and in doing so tear down her house with her own hands (Pr 14:1). This is why the Queen warned her son to not give his strength to promiscuous women. These women destroy kings (Pr 31:3). He is to instead look for a woman who will multiply the work of his hands (Pr 31:10–31). This woman possesses a beauty that never fades (v. 30). Peter calls it the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4).

How do you spot a loud woman? Sometimes it’s a no-brainer; she is brazen, brash, unruly—there is no hiding such things. But sometimes she is more subtle; she has learned to make the pretense of being demure, to fit into her Christian surroundings. So here are three helpful questions to ask:

Does she respect her father?

Does she desire independence?

Does she respond to leadership?

I honestly think the last question is the most important one. I’ve seen career-driven women with terrible fathers drawn into the orbit of powerful male leaders. These women tossed aside the emptiness of building the “house” of some faceless corporation to build the house of the man they loved. Thus, the big question is will she respond to your leadership.

There are very simple ways to test this as the relationship progresses.

Early on in the dating phase, I often recommend guys try contradicting her requests. For example, let’s say she wants to go to a particular burger joint. Don’t. Go somewhere else instead. Don’t be jerk about it. Just say, “Well, if you think that is a good burger you are going to love this place. Trust me.” This is you testing her. Does she like a man taking the lead? Does she have to her way even in small things?

As the relationship progresses, make it clear that you expect that she will join your church and move to your city. This is huge. She is to come into your “gravity well.” Not vice-versa. She also has to be willing to take your name. She is submitting herself to the work of building your household. She is not an object, but she is yours by marriage.

There are a ton of other ways to test responsiveness. You probably have some that are better than what I’ve briefly listed here. The main thing is to test a woman’s willingness to follow before making any commitment. A home can have only one leader, and you must be that leader. If she is willing to happily follow, you should probably snatch her up. A quiet and submissive woman is worth far more than jewels (Pr 31:10).

Remember, Proverbs 11:22 says, “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.” Pretty women with bad attitudes are waterslides that go down to the chambers of death. Avoid loud women.

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:4

32 thoughts on “Don’t Be a Loud Woman!

  1. The meek and quiet can be the most influential in this life. The drive for women to be loud, assertive and pushy is just yet another example of the sexism of telling women to be like men to be worth anything!

  2. You speaking about the predators who are more subtle in their ways reminds me of a girl I was once interested in. She was(still is) attractive but she responded to an article regarding modesty, stating that she finds it sickening that men hoist all their problems of sexual temptation on women. While I agreed with it, it carried an unspoken statement of “I wear what I want.” I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she dresses modestly. But after this article, I’m not so sure. What do you think, Lori? Am I off-base here?

    1. It sounds like a feminist reaction to me, Daniel. It’s hard for me to even teach women to dress modestly and not be a stumbling block to men without women becoming angry and saying men need to control themselves. Instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, they want to place all of the fault on men. They should be able to do and dress as they please, in their minds.

        1. Daniel,

          Whether Feminists are “right” or “wrong” is irrelevant. Whether it’s “fair” or “unfair” is irrelevant.

          The question at hand is simply, would this woman make a good wife?

          Here’s an analogy: If you are choosing someone to go on a mountain climbing trip with you, to be your partner, you might choose a partner who has no experience mountain-climbing or who is too reckless? Nope. Perhaps they get mad at you for being rejected, and say “it’s not fair, I have the RIGHT to act as I please”.

          But would you choose them to be your mountain-climbing partner? Of course not. Whether they have the right to do things or not…you are NOT obligated to choose them for your partner. You can choose anyone you want, any way you want, and they can’t force you to do anything. YOU ARE DOING THE CHOOSING NOT THEM. And that is 100% fair, and just, and right, and correct, and legal, and appropriate. For them to get angry because you didn’t choose them to be your mountain-climbing partner is NOT appropriate. You are in the right. They can’t force you to choose them.

          This exposes the underlying core of utter foolishness that lies at the heart of all Feminism. They can’t accept the simple truth that, men choose which women they want to marry as wives, just as women choose the men they want to have as husbands. Men can’t be forced or railroaded.

          And here’s the key…men are more than willing to just walk away and stay single. Staying single is quite easy for men. They keep their money for themselves. They can get easy sex from other women. They can wait longer.

          The woman must either stay single…and thus experience the horror of lonely old age, without love, or she must become a single mother, and work herself to a crisp to provide and to protect babies all by herself.

          A husband contribute literally millions of dollars to the woman, in the form of income (or second income) over the decades of marriage. If she wants that money, that income, then she must persuade him to give it to her. Sure that’s a “transactional” view of marriage, but it’s reality and reality is the core of marriage. God’s ways are also the smart ways, because you know, well God is pretty smart.

          If she doesn’t understand this fundamental truth — that a successful man is a hard-to-get asset, and that she must fight other competing women to secure him for herself — then she is deluded and not headed for success. A good man looking for marriage should steer clear of her.

          If she’s a loud woman, as Lori so wonderfully wrote, then she’ll probably never figure any of these simple truths out. She’s too immersed in her own ego, her self-righeous anger, her endless needs and demands, her own noisy mind, to see the simple facts in front of her, and in modern society, she likely didn’t have a mother or aunts who taught her these facts.

          There are very few high quality potential husbands, and a lot of women competing for them. That’s the harsh truth.

          As a father, I unfortunately must teach this to my daughters.

          1. Bill T
            Do you think it is better for a man to stay single and get sex from other women (ie sin) than for a man to choose an imperfect woman as his wife?

            These days, women can also choose to stay single and keep all their money, and have sex with random men. They’re just as capable of doing that as men are. But it’s not right. Sex outside of marriage is sin. And it’s not God’s plan for us.

            Staying single and risking falling into temptation rather than finding an imperfect partner to love is not what I will be teaching my sons and daughters!

  3. I’ve been married for 24 years now and two of my biggest regrets were:

    When we first married my husband presented a hypothetical question of if my job sends me to another state are you going? Stupidly and ignorantly I said I’d have to think about it. At the time I was thinking my family is here, but now I know my family is wherever he is! Oh that I was a wiser woman when we married and could have that conversation back.

    The other is that I took his name, but my maiden name is now my middle name. Why? Why did I do that? Again, now I know what an honor and privilege it is to have his last name, I just wish I would have known and realized it then. I am actually thinking of asking him if I can change my name and take out the maiden name.

    I thank God that I found the Created To Be His Helpmeet book and that now I know, but I am still ashamed about it.

    1. Without godly women teaching the young women, most young women will grow up with many regrets since all they will breath is the feminists’ philosophy which is to live life their own way.

  4. Hi Lori,

    Since you teach women, do you have a similar “test” for men when dating? A way to find out whether they will take the lead or be a provider? A way to figure out if they are modest? That would be most helpful!

  5. Great article, Lori! Very informative. Growing up, being assertive around a beautiful woman was not natural to me, and this is enlightening.

    As for the question above, about signs of a good man to marry, if I may be provided to answer for the masculine gender, ensure he’s not dealing with porn (or if he is, he’s honestly fighting it and is honest about his struggle), ensure he’s steadily employed, ensure he treats his mother with respect, a sense of humor is a plus, ensure he doesn’t watch television (men who watch television often lack the ambition to attain their highest potential in life), and that he isn’t on psychotropic drugs.

    The richest man in American history, John D. Rockefeller, had some amazing habits. He never worked on Sunday, taught Sunday school, never danced, never gambled, never drank alcohol, never touched drugs, of course, never watched porn, was very punctual, and was devoted to his mother and family.

    A man having those habits today, who stays away from television as well, is probably worth pursuing.

    Also, a man who is able to control himself and doesn’t push for sexual contact before marriage. If he can control his sex drive, often he can control his money too.

    A good man will love children and will want to have as many as possible in marriage. A selfish man won’t want children. This is why so many women get burned by cheaters in marriage. They look for men with money, and the men just want them for sex, and don’t value children at all. The women get lonely and grow very unhappy.

    All of what I said is absurd nonsense according to hellivision which will tell women that a man should be a world traveler, should have plenty of sexual experience, should look like Adonis, should give into a woman’s every whim, should wine and dine her everywhere, and should always be buying her things. He shouldn’t want children, and he should be exciting.

    A good man will know history and the Bible. If he does not, he lacks perspective on the natural challenges of life. If a man doesn’t have vision, the family will lack direction and wisdom, which is a very bad thing for a woman.

      1. Dear Meg,

        Thank you for your response. I was once of that opinion myself, however, after intensive research on the topic, have concluded that the television is the worst communication medium in world history. The brain works less watching it than it does when sleeping. It has allowed the least amount of people to control the most people in world history, and that is a very bad thing, and is a dangerous threat to the liberty and freedom that made America great. Further, those who produce television are overwhelmingly secular, and most hate and despise the Bible and Christianity, which explains why Hollyweird has been having a 2 year temper tantrum over Trump’s election. The values of those who produce television programs are often diametrically opposed to Christians. Even the television programs that have supposedly Christian programs are failures, because Christianity was a social Gospel, where people meet and interact. The Bible and this website put truths into words, for people to read, consider, ponder, and either reject or adopt. Television simply flashes messages repeatedly and there is no time for meditation or cogitation. The thinking and reasoning mechanism is disabled, and people become mindless drones, simply parroting what the lying media has said. Let me digress for a moment to warn all that watching NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, NPR, PBS, and even Fox is to watch shows that agree with many of the values the Bible warns about. Covetousness, idolatry, lust, homosexuality, and many other vile sins are encouraged and celebrated on these programs. Why would a Christian subject themselves to these evil ideas. Besides, we are what we think.

        Sow a thought, reap an action,
        Sow an action, reap a habit,
        Sow a habit, reap a character,
        Sow a character, reap a destiny.

        As such, the mind is a garden and a paradise or a hell of our own making. Why would we put the filth of the world into our mind? From a male perspective, it’s difficult to watch television for a single hour without watching an attractive, scantily-clad woman prancing across the screen. Anyone who thinks that will promote godliness is seriously deceived. Besides, no man in world history ever was able to look at a scantily clad, attractive woman and not be affected, and I’m being discrete, but I’m sure it’s not hard to figure out what I’m talking about. I’ve heard many ‘Christian women’ tell me I needed to gird up my mind, and the Holy Spirit wasn’t doing it’s job, but I tell them my mind was girded up, and I could have a million Holy Spirits, and it wouldn’t make any difference at all. If King David, Samson, and King Solomon couldn’t handle the sight of immodest women outside of marriage, and they were 3 of the most powerful men in world history, none of us men can. I’m not proud enough to suggest I can.

        I’m persuaded, that if you studied some of the same sources I did, you may perhaps find yourself convinced of the televisions uselessness as well.

        Also, though I was raised without it, by my wise parents, I more than made up for it when I joined the Navy. I would be watching movies, the greatest ones ever made, and all kinds of television. Then I began to understand that the people I was admiring on television were anything but Christian role models in real life, and realized I was becoming a world class idolater. Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson, Nicholas Cage, Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Al Pacino, Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Keanu Reeves and the rest, are not Christian Godly people at all when they are in their private lives. ‘One flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest’, ‘Casablanca’, ‘Titanic’, ‘Apollo 13’, ‘Forrest Gump’, ‘The Sandlot’, ‘Saving Private Ryan’, ‘Shawshank Redemption’, ‘Glory’, ‘Charlotte’s Web’, ‘Prince of Egypt’, ‘Aladdin’, ‘Sleeping Beauty’, ‘Fiddler on the Rooftop’, ‘Les Miserables’, ‘Field of Dreams’ and the many others I watched for the 3 years I indulged, certainly did emotionally lift me up, but it was temporary, and to be honest, had no lasting value. When I was young, I read voraciously, and have a library of well over 2,000 books, and when I compared reading to television, the uselessness of television became clear. ‘Les Miserables’, ‘The Three Musketeers’, ‘Pilgrims Progress’, ‘The Bible’, ‘The Federalist Papers’, ‘The Harvard Classics’, ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’, ‘Jane Eyre’, ‘Charlotte’s Web’, ‘Huckleberry Finn’, ‘War and Peace’, ‘Little Women’, ‘The Wizard of Oz’, and the many biographies and histories I had were far more satisfying, and they gave me moral lessons that transformed my life. The same could not be honestly said about television by anyone who unemotionally, dispassionately, honestly, and thoroughly evaluated both. Further, the average American wastes 9 years watching television and what we are surrendering is the rich knowledge of the Classics and our history. While the average American can easily rattle off the names of 10 movie actors, sports stars, or singers, 90% can’t name the 9 Supreme Court Justices, just 5 biographies of the 204 Founders they’ve read, 75% can’t pass a basic citizenship test that all immigrants have to pass, and 60% can’t name the 3 branches of government. Television has turned us into the most foolish and corrupt generation in our entire history, and that is sad. Our love of pleasure and leisure is destroying us, and that I speak from personal experience, as well as from observing society at large. Imagine if we spent the time we spend watching television on writing books, reading them, helping the poor, fixing our broken education system, and fixing our broken government!? Imagine if we all took the time we spend on television and devote it to our local politics and churches, ensuring the churches begin teaching the Bible again, and that our politicians are once again God fearing men?! We’d be a far better country.

        The links are below,

        Sincerely,

        Montesquieu

        http://jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Hellivision/hellivision_and_movies.htm

        https://www.amazon.com/Amusing-Ourselves-Death-Discourse-Business/dp/014303653X

        https://www.amazon.com/Arguments-Elimination-Television-Jerry-Mander/dp/0688082742

        http://www.mariewinn.com/plugin.htm

    1. Excellent advice! Every young, single woman needs to read this! I wish I had read this 20 years ago! Although, to be honest it probably wouldn’t have made much difference because, although my man has many faults, some of which cause a great deal of hurt, he is also the most amazing man on the planet with a heart of gold and I love him.

    2. I agree with most everything you say Montesquieu, but would like to ask why it is acceptable for a woman to consider a man who is struggling with a porn problem, but I see comments from men on this site who, if they see a woman who exhibits any “feminist” trait, they would never consider her?

      Speaking from experience, I grew up in a godly Christian home but definitely struggled with fighting the temptations of feminism. Fortunately I met a godly man who wanted to marry me and saw the potential for what God could and was doing in my life, even though I wasn’t perfect. Since I’ve been married, I’ve grown in my hatred of feminism and desire toward godly femininity. I think God used my marriage to grow me in that area.

      It seems like a double standard that a man can have a porn problem and be earnestly fighting it, and still be considered marriage material, but if a woman is battle temptation to feminism she automatically not marriage material. I’d just like to point out that God works in each person’s heart in his own time and if you are looking for a perfect spouse this side of heaven you will not find one. My encouragement would be to look for a woman who earnestly desires to seek the Lord. If she truly does, God will change her heart away from feminism, even though she may not be completely “there” when she gets married.

      1. Christ Follower, I agree and had the same experience. I was a baby Christian and didn’t realise I held feminist views but my husband saw potential even though he is very traditional and alpha. The Lord changed my heart in many areas and softened me and I doubt that could have happened without marriage and the husband I have. I despise feminism now and see how unGodly it is. So yes I agree that a man need not necessarily find the ‘ideal’ woman before considering marrying her but more whom God says he should marry.

      2. Christ Follower – You are so right!! I agree with you about the double standards. I also agree with you that if we hold out for the “perfect person” we’re going to be single for a very long time. We’re all in God’s workshop and as along as we have the right attitude of heart, God will continue working within us to mould and make us to His will.

        1. Quite right, KAK. There may be others with double standards, but it appears that expecting others to admit their faults, and that they are trying to change is quite reasonable.

      3. @Christ Follower

        I agree with you on the fact that young ladies should not be written off for having feminist leaning tendencies because in this day and age, everything is touched and tainted by feminism, especially the church. My husband was not threatened by my latent feminism when he first met me, but rather focused on my new faith in the Lord. Over the years, he has washed me with the water of the Word of God and I now find feminism repulsive. I’m happy to submit to him in everything, to bear him as many children as God blesses us with, to stay at home and teach and raise our children and to comfort and cheer him on all our days together. I thank God that my husband didn’t walk away at the first sign of feminism because I am convinced that with the Word of God, a man can mold his young wife into a godly woman over the course of their marriage.

        1. That is good your husband didn’t walk away. Patience on a man’s part is very good, as Hosea demonstrated in a case that was even worse than feminism.

          ‘because I am convinced that with the Word of God, a man can mold his young wife into a godly woman over the course of their marriage.’

          Makes two of us!

      4. Thank you Christ Follower. I personally wouldn’t mind, and I think most other Christian conservative men also wouldn’t mind, pursuing and marrying a woman who acknowledged she was struggling with feminism. The problem we have, as a woman should have with a man who doesn’t think using porn is a problem, is with the women who have no intention of remedying their feminism problem at all, and don’t see it as problematic.

        I don’t expect a spouse to be perfect at marriage, only to be humble. I know I’m certainly not perfect, however, like a sea Captain that sailed 600 years ago, I know the stars (Godly ideals) that will get me to the harbor I want to be in when I die. As long as a woman or a man accepts those ideals, and is striving for them, acknowledging when they fall short, God can work with that, and if He can, I certainly can as well.

        Far be it from me to reject a woman who isn’t perfect, but desires to work on herself, as I am a man who isn’t perfect, but desires to be.

        Jeremiah 18: The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying,

        2 Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words.

        3 Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels.

        4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

        Redemption means freedom from sin and it’s consequences, and God is in the habit of Redemption, and so should all Christians, especially when it comes to spouses. But, God values those who have faith, courage, and are humble. He rejects the proud. The proud are those who think they know, but don’t, and constantly like to argue. Personally, I don’t want to marry a woman who likes to argue, and constantly seeks to dominate the relationship. While I’m no tyrant, and generally, Godly men in the Bible, such as Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, were very gracious, gentle, loving, and provided for their wives, while not ruling like autocrats, we men are wary of women who have strong feminist tendencies, because the math isn’t promising. 80% of women initiate divorce. To have a wife leave, possibly with children, and that affects your finances for the rest of your life, is a pretty terrifying prospect. I’m not talking about the men who flagrantly abuse women, molest children, or all the other clear crimes and abuses which necessitate a wife leaving her husband. A common one is emotional abuse, which many women use when they don’t get what they want. Nowhere in the Bible do you see a woman being permitted to divorce because she FEELS emotionally abused. A woman’s feelings are notoriously fickle, no offense, and if a marriage depends on her feelings always being catered too, that marriage is doomed. While a husband should love his wife, she should obey him in the Lord. Many wives have found that by being in subjection to their husband, they discovered the Lost Fountain of Love that they never dreamed existed in their husbands. Such are the mysteries of God, and it’s why he said that among the things that were too wonderful for Agur to talk about in Proverbs 30, the way of a man with a maid was among them.

        1. Please, I beg of you, don’t diminish emotional abuse. In some ways, it is worse than physical abuse. I know – I’ve lived through it. It is soul-destroying.
          Constantly being belittled, degraded, criticised, shamed, insulted, not believed, unfairly accused, yelled at, sworn at, threatened…. believe me, it’s no picnic. It wears you down to the point you can’t even pray any more.

          I can’t think of the name of the woman off the top of my head, but there is a woman in the Bible (something to do with Abraham and Sarah, I’m sure) and her situation was so awful she wanted to leave, but God asked her to go back and endure, and eventually he changed her situation.
          If we can endure, we should. But it can be so, so difficult to do so.

          When men hit us, there are physical signs of abuse. The damage can be easily seen. But emotional abuse is more hidden and it’s just as damaging. Probably more so, as it often carries on for longer. It’s much easier to leave a man who is physically abusive – society doesn’t accept physical abuse. But it’s much harder to justify leaving with emotional abuse as it messes with your psyche.

          What I struggled with the most, was my daughters seeing it. No way did I want them to learn that it was acceptable for a man to speak to them that way – to treat them as less than the dirt beneath his boots.

          1. KAK, having never done that to a woman, I suppose I’m not exactly certain what emotional abuse is, which it appears you have experienced.

            That said, it’s extremely rare that a man does that to a woman who loves himself. Men who are using porn, drugs, are alcoholics, are gambling addicts, or have some other private sins, frequently hate themselves, and turn their spite and malice on those closest to them, their wives and children. Hurt people hurt people.

            That said, I do have a few sisters who find it necessary to consistently contradict me on truthful points I make, to use profanity, and other conversation wreckers, and when I respond firmly, they say they are being belittled, and claim to be victims. This is my experience with women saying they are being belittled. We probably have different experiences and have different views of what constitutes emotional abuse or not. Quite possible. I never think it’s a great idea for a man to harass and constantly attack a woman. I’ve seen it in public and it’s terrible to watch. Was at a get together for work once, when I was a teen age courtesy clerk. One of the checkers liked another checker, and they had just broken up. He had had too much adult beverage, but there was no mistaking the hatred he had for her. Not sure what happened, but the entire night he was calling her names I’d shudder to think, never mind say. He had to be separated from her on one occasion. Was quite frightening to me. I liked both of them, but his behavior was easily explainable, as his living room VCR was full of porn. This was in the late ’90’s. Men who view porn generally lack a respect and honor for women. They also are less likely to empathize with a woman’s pain and distress, and if a woman or child says she has been abused or molested, porn users are far less likely to believe them. The internet is full of Michael Jackson apologists right now. Anyone who looks at the objective evidence, understands a man who has a porn collection next to his bed, who slept 30 days in a row with a boy in his bed, and who had massive alarms to alert him of anyone approaching his bedroom, is more than likely, a child molester. But, since Michael Jackson emotionally entertained hundreds of millions, his legions of supporters are out to support him, despite clear evidence of his guilt. I’m a grown man, and I never dreamed of sharing my bed with a boy.

            Her name was Hagar, and she was demeaned because she made fun of Sara, because Hagar had a son and Sara could not. Sara got mad, and made Abraham get rid of her. Hagar’s Son, Ishmael, is thought by Judaism, Christianity, and Islam to be the fore runner of Muhammad and Islam. Sara eventually had Isaac, who was the forerunner of Judaism, which eventually brought forth Christianity.

            Also, in a society where men aren’t given the honor and leadership role in the home and society that God gave them, there is a continual struggle, often. Men are being emasculated, and when they aren’t happy, they often verbally take it out on their wives. We rarely had these issues 150 years ago, when the roles of the sexes were clearly defined. God said in Genesis, that a man was to work, and his wife was to be in subjection to him, and to bear him children. Our modern society has gotten these 3 basics wildly skewed.

        2. Montesquieu, I agree with you in that it is the heart and desire that matters in wanting to obey the Lord and do what’s right. I was tainted and damaged by feminism at 25, when my husband first met me, so much so that I didn’t want to marry at all. Three years later I agreed to marry him and devoured as many books on respect and submission as possible (I should have studied the bible heavily on the subject) because I wanted to know what my role was in marriage and how God wanted me to be. I knew I had issues but I so wanted God to change me and of course He does give Grace to the humble. Almost 10yrs later into marriage I am a very different woman. Praise God! My point is that you are very right in that the woman must WANT what God wants and be willing to humble herself to change otherwise the marriage will fail. Of course a woman should also be looking for a man after God’s heart, however she must be focusing on how she can serve her husband and be a suitable helper to him not concerned about what she will get out of it. And yes our emotions (women’s) are I believe our biggest weakness so we need to stand on the truth of the Word not how we feel or our marriages are a s you say ‘doomed’.

  6. This article was dynamite, as are all of the articles on his site. Glad to see you’re guest posting with each other – thanks for sharing, Lori!!

    Diana

  7. When you said, don’t be a loud woman, my heart sank. I often get very excited and passionate and speak way too loudly. It’s not very ladylike, my husband tries to remind me sometimes, and I catch myself at other times, but I’m still noisier than I mean to be. I should have realized though that it was more of a in depth definition than just speaking too loudly. I don’t feel so bad now, because I I am very submissive to my husband. I don’t try to take the lead. I’m perfectly happy letting him make the decisions, he’s very smart and responsible. It’s great to have a man I trust and have so much fun with!

    1. I do believe women shouldn’t speak loudly. There’s a woman I know who speaks a lot and very loudly. She’s definitely not pleasant to listen to for long, so I believe it does include the volume of our voices. I have read from the Duggar children write that their mother, Michelle, has never raised her voice to her children. She speaks softly and quietly. This is feminine and how we should speak, in my opinion.

    2. I must confess-I did get kind of loud at the March for Life because of my passion for protecting the rights of the unborn, and I would probably get a bit loud from excitement if I ever were to have the chance to see President Trump at one of his rallies, but I totally agree with what this article is saying and I try not to be a “loud woman” in my everyday life as a Christian wife and mother.

  8. There used to be a lady at the church I used to go. She was VERY loud! Talking, singing etc . It wasn’t a look at me, but her personality. People would giggle, but I would cringe and feel very embarrassed.

  9. Do not enter lightly into marriage. I repeat, DO NOT! Don’t act on your youthful emotions, but follow the scriptures to find a godly wife.

    Some tips. Be careful with any woman, no matter her nationality – who has pics upon pics of herself on Instagram. Specifically if she’s pretty. She’s an attention seeker. She feeds from the attention of hundreds, perhaps thousands of male followers. She doesn’t need a husband, her husband or rather, her emotional provider is her social network!
    You will be dumped in no time as soon as she loses interest on you. Guaranteed. She knows she can get any “Christian” man she wants. You marry her, she’ll cheat on you. Trust me, you don’t want to know how it feels being cheated. It’s like a cold knife penetrating your very soul and ripping it apart. There’s no words that can describe it.

    Test her, see how she behaves around other men more attractive, and wealthier than you.

    Plenty of “Christian” girls who follow this example. There may be some that do it unintentionally, but still use caution.

    Churches preach often how the male is the head and is responsible for what happens in his home. True. However, they often don’t tell single men of the dangers of getting into a marriage union. Remember, You are getting into a contract with the government. If she divorces you, government will terminate you. Government is her “daddy”. And her government will make sure you pay. Government benefits from divorce. It’s a socialist program. Redistribution of wealth. Open your ears!
    You’ll be paying child support for children you’ll never or rarely see. Child support is the new alimony.

    Women in this nation have more rights than what they make you believe. Yes, some women are mistreated in court. You are dealing with an anti-Christian court system after all.

    A few more words if I may be allowed.
    I’m not against marriage, but in this day and age it’s a very risky proposition. You’ll pay with your literal blood in jail if you fail to support the system (fall behind CS). Choose wisely.

    I was divorced against my will, I had much to blame but wanted to stay. I was cheated upon, and to top it off, I didn’t have much support from my friends. At times I wanted to put a pistol on my head,..but the Lord kept me from foolish sin, and matured me through my divorce. Still, why would you go through all this pain just to marry that cute charismatic girl?

    My advice. Be mature, seek the Lord for a future wife. Look for red flags. Don’t be afraid to test her often as the article says. Don’t fall for the pretty girls or even the average girl whom you like much, look first in her heart. See what’s there. See if she has feminist friends. Remember, if she learns how the system works, she can destroy you in court. Lawyers will guide her on what to do.

    The western world is doomed. America is becoming like Japan, a dying country of old citizens who are dying faster than they can reproduce.

    Better for a man to stay single in this feministic era than to spend his years mourning. Marry a foreign gal (after due dilligence) but don’t bring her to America where she’ll be exposed to this cancer of feminism.

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