Throughout my many years of mentoring women, I have never once mentored a woman in a difficult marriage to manufacture feelings of love towards her husband. In fact, I have never taught that feelings have anything to do with love. When I teach women to love their husbands, as I am commanded in Titus 2:4, I teach them to begin submitting to their husbands, learning what pleases them, serving them, being kind and affectionate towards them, kicking critical thoughts about their husbands out of their minds and replacing them with good thoughts, not depriving them sexually, helping them any way they can, winning them without a word by their godly behavior, and never speaking evil about their husbands to others. I never teach them anything about feelings. Feelings are fickle. They come and go.
Too many women these days believe that love is based solely upon feelings. When they are no longer “in love” with their husbands because their feelings are gone, they falsely believe they must leave their husbands. This is why up to 80 percent of divorces are initiated by women. As women, we are more emotional. Our hormones do this to us. We can be led astray and deceived easily because of this. We must be on guard and not allow our emotions and feelings to control us and ruin our lives. We must learn to be in control of our emotions instead.
We must definitely learn to control our emotions towards our husbands. In the first year of our marriage, I would have strong and angry outbursts towards my husband. During one argument, I even told him I wondered if I made a mistake in marrying him. Without fail after these outbursts, I would begin my period the next day. We don’t think straight at times. We will turn a mole hill in a mountain by mulling something in our minds that we don’t like about our husband. We need to learn to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and stop doing this! It’s so destructive in a marriage.
The feelings of love can be attraction, romantic, and warmth towards him. These feelings can come and go. They don’t define what love is. God defines it in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. When these feelings go, this doesn’t mean you no longer love your husband. If you base love upon your feelings, your love will be shaky and inconsistent. When you base your love upon God’s definition of love, your love will be firm and lasting.
Some women are more emotional than other women. Some women will feel deeply and others will not. This matters nothing at all. A woman who doesn’t feel deeply can still have a strong and solid marriage by loving her husband through actions, affection, and words. She actually probably has an easier time of doing this since she’s not led by her emotions as easily.
I have learned in my older age how deceiving emotions and feelings can be. Yes, I still have them, but I don’t allow them to control my life. I believe this is one reason why so many churches are lukewarm these days. They have built their churches on emotions and feelings rather than upon truth. They sing Hillsong, Bethel, and Elevation music in order to get the congregation into their feelings and emotions. Some of these songs have some truth in them, but their churches teach false doctrine. When you sing their songs, you’re supporting their churches.
Many churches don’t teach truth boldly and unashamedly for fear of offending their congregation. They care more about not hurting their feelings rather than teaching truth and growing them up in the ways of the Lord.
Love is a verb. It’s an action. It’s what we give and do for another. God so loved the world that He gave…It’s sacrificial. It’s something most of the world knows nothing about. They think love is all about themselves. “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves…” (2 Timothy 3:1,2).
We must not be women who are led by our emotions. If you have warm and romantic feelings towards your husband, that’s great and good, but if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him. As I wrote, love is actions. It’s doing what is best for your husbands. It’s being affectionate towards him. It’s putting his needs above your own. Live a sacrificial life of love towards your husband. Show him you love him even when you don’t feel like it.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.