Giving Up Your Need and Expectations for Appreciation
Last week, I shared this tweet on my social media platforms: “Learn to serve your family and others because you love them and want to glorify God in everything you do. In this way, you’ll never expect to *feel* appreciated by others since this is self-pity which is satanic. Keep your eyes upon Christ and what He commands of you. His blessings are abundant!”
Of course, there were women who were angry with this as some are with everything I write. My husband wrote this to one of these women which I believe is an excellent reply!
“It’s not that appreciation itself is wrong, nor the desire for appreciation. You and your wife are doing it right by showing appreciation to each other which is the fruit of the Christian life. That said, please read the post carefully. It is hard in a just a few words to express everything, but the keys words ‘expect to feel’ modifies the word ‘appreciation.’
“Imagine if you are a hard working, loving, and unselfish husband to whom your wife gave you much appreciation but for some reason, you were lousy at giving it back verbally. You showed her your love and appreciation by your hard work and providing well for the family and even bought her good gifts at Christmas and her birthday, yet she was not ‘feeling’ appreciated because she had an expectation of you that you were not meeting.
“Your wife became very dissatisfied with your marriage and after counseling, you were told to show her more appreciation to match her expectations and that works for a week then back to the old ways because you may have never been taught how to show verbal appreciation.
“Your marriage ended up dying, and why? It was not that you were not a good man, nor a good provider, even a good lover, but because your wife’s expectations and perceived needs could not be met year after year.
“This story plays out over and over again in millions of homes where wives have certain expectations that are not met, they become dissatisfied in the relationship and things begin to fall apart especially when bitterness sets in. Hence why TTW is teaching this important lesson that wives need to lower their expectations and give up the ‘need’ for appreciation.
“Actually, God’s Word seems to suggest that the things we are appreciated for here on earth we have little reward for in heaven, but then things that go unappreciated in our walk with Him and serving others, those things that are hidden, He sees and will reward those who do good even when it is seemingly not reciprocated.”
For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.