Written By My Husband, Ken, and Me (mostly him :))

Many people believe that if one raises godly children, it’s simply a matter of God’s grace. Is this true? In many ways everything we do is by God’s grace, yet there is a reason God gives us both commands and promises for us to obey as we raise children. Raising godly offspring is not guesswork or playing a game by chance. We have the freedom to choose to believe God at His promises and in turn obey His commands. I have seen many godly parents raise godly children as there is a simple principle that is found in God’s Word that those who do things God’s ways reap His many blessings.  Like many others who raised their children in the truth of the Word, each of our children walks in Truth. Let us share with you some of the things we seem to all have in common.

Every one of us is born into a sin-oriented flesh. The flesh generally wants what it wants, when it wants it, and does not easily take “No!” for an answer. We dealt with rebellion in our children from a young age. We taught them to obey. Yes, we used the rod as God commands, but we never harmed them. We loved our children enough to teach them self-control. Parents, if you will put in the time, energy, and effort to consistently teach proper behaviors to your children by using modest yet effective discipline, you will quickly find child raising to be a pleasure and not a nightmare, like we have seen in many Christian families.

Even as our children went through their teenage years, we rarely saw rebellion in them. They were not perfect but with a little correction, they seemed to return quickly back to the right track. How can this be that we could get through the teenage years without huge teenage problems that beset most families? It starts when they are old enough to learn to obey and teaching them to obey you and in turn, obeying the Word of God. We did not allow temper tantrums, period.

Being naughty, telling a lie, stealing your brothers toys, and a myriad of other childish sins are not rebellion. Deal with these things quickly with discipline, but children will be children. Rebellion is when your child stubbornly looks you in the eye and says “No!” Or defies your reasonable request, unwilling to budge and do what you ask them to do. Dealing with a heart of rebellion quickly and consistently, making sure that your child understands that you are the boss not them, is the key to not having to deal with a rebellious teen who is always in trouble. By the age of two to three years old, temper tantrums and defiance should no longer be a part of the heart of your child, because you have trained them to obey you. Too many Christian parents never dealt with their child’s fleshly desire to be rebellious and defiant, then they wonder why their child seems to multiply his sins instead of learning to be a joyful, compliant part of the family.

We were very consistent in our discipline. We did not yell at our children and tried to remain as calm as possible, but if we told our children to do something, we insisted they obey us. “Pick up your toys and put them in the box.” “Stop whining and complaining.” The answer is “no,” was regularly followed by, “Okay, go to the fireplace and sit there until you are ready to obey.” And if defiance reared it’s ugly mood, we were not afraid of giving our child a swat on the butt for discipline.

Being consistent as a parent with discipline is a gift that you are giving to your child. It’s vital that Mom and Dad are on the same page when it comes to discipline. Far too many parents have one spouse who can’t seem to bring himself to discipline his child, sometimes even laughing at the child’s outburst, and a flabbergasted Mom who is yelling and spanking too often out of frustration. Or a Mom who is protecting her child from a father who wants to give appropriate discipline, but Mom swoops in and rescues the child forgoing the training moment. Then the parents wonder why their child is confused. They can do the same misbehavior and receive no discipline or heavy-handed discipline. And remember, the natural bent of the flesh is to see how much we can get away with in our sins, not to be compliant and joyfully obedient.

We had boundaries for our children which we believed to be very reasonable, yet some of our friends and school parents shared with each other that they felt we were too strict. These boundaries were for their protection from a wicked culture. We didn’t let them read, listen to, or watch filth. We carefully monitored these things. Too many Christian parents had few to no boundaries for their children and in today’s world, they even get them an iPhone at a young and tender age opening up so many potential problems. What’s wrong with just getting many great children’s books and teaching your children to love to read? This worked great for us, and all our children excelled in school because of their ability to read.

Lori was home full time and always available to the children. She used her time at home to protect our children from evil, feed them healthy food, and teach them the ways of the Lord. Too many mothers have full-time careers and are not available for their children or available to stop sin in its tracks.

The Bible was our source of life, and it was read to them often. We attended both Sunday School and Church regularly. They memorized Scripture, particularly as they attended AWANA every week for many years. We both were consistently teaching them and talking to them about everything, even as teenagers. Nothing was off limits.

Here is where we believe too many parents could vastly improve in the training of their children. As God commands us:

“And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sit in thine house and when thou walk by the way, and when thou lie down and when thou rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

When are you training your children in truth, particularly God’s truths?  Constantly. Morning, noon, afternoon, in the car, on the playground, at the beach, at the dinner table, and especially part of their routine in putting them to bed. We were constant and consistent that whenever a teaching opportunity presented itself, we taught the truth of God’s Word to our children. We shared with them why we love God’s Word dearly, and the many blessings that come from following the Word. And when our children failed, or sinned, it was one more teaching moment to show God’s grace or discipline or both, as the situation required.

Ken developed the Four Most Important Things in Life that we regularly instilled in our children, so much so that they could quickly blurt them out when asked. Even some of our grandchildren can rattle them off as they have been firmly planted in their minds by their parents:

Love God and Serve Him

Treat Others the Way You Want to Be Treated

Do What is Right

Be the Best You Can Be

There is very little that does not fit into these four vital principles in life, and they did not carry them out perfectly but when they failed, these important truths became excellent markers for the choices they were making or should be making.

We stayed married for life. We rarely argued and never fought in front of them. (They didn’t know we didn’t have a good marriage the first 20 years. Neither of us ever yelled, slammed doors, etc.) They knew we were committed to each other. They had a Dad who always came home after work and made himself available to them and coaching many of their teams which became another great place to teach life’s truths. We both love Jesus and His Word, and they knew it.

We let them know how good God was and how beautiful His ways were. We believe in a God of miracles and we pointed them out when they came in our lives. We also let them know how destructive the ways of the world are and the consequences of living a rebellious and sin-filled life. We tried to show the joy of the the Lord, and regularly broke out into a Christian song in the home. We tried to make our love for Jesus look appealing to them by showing them, even through the many years of suffering Lori endured. Our faith never wavered even through some of our great despair.

We have a promise from God that we have clung to believing by faith that God will fulfill it, even to the next generation and beyond of Alexanders. That is our prayer every daily devotion time together. For God has promised you and me that if we “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Do you believe this promise? The more you believe it, the more you will do what is commanded of you in raising our children. Raising children is not a part-time job hoping that the church or summer camps will instill the love and truth of Christ Jesus within them. That’s our job, not left to happenstance, as is happening in far too many Christian homes.

You model Jesus for your children. You talk to them about the necessity of the priority of Christ as Lord of their lives. You model and talk to them about the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness. You walk by faith and let them hear the miracles of God in your life before they get into a world that wants to drag them down to hell. God will bless your dedication to raising your children in the Lord. This is not a guarantee of success, as our children all have a mind and will of their own.

We taught our children that these ways are our ways that they must obey in our home and when they depart, they will need to choose if they will follow them or go another way. All we can do is point them to Jesus, and they must decide if they will make Him King of their lives. We thank God that each one has chosen the same path, maybe with a few new touches of training of their own. Our heart aches for our friends whose children have walked away from the Lord, and we pray they return. God is indeed sovereign over all, and in His sovereignty He has chosen to bless those who bless Him. What a great blessing and miracle it is to see our children walk in truth.

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