Live and Love Your God-Given Role!
John MacArthur had this to say about women in the 90s but it still sadly defines too many women today: “What kind of woman is the prototype of the ‘90s woman? What is the modern super-woman supposed to be? Maybe something like this: she works, builds her own career, demands equal pay, refuses to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything, has an affair or two, and a divorce or two. She exercises her independence, relies on her own resources, doesn’t want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals, has her own bank account.
She hires a maid or a cleaning service, eats out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without them, makes cold cereal and coffee, the standard breakfast for her family, quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, or she calls Domino’s Pizza, expects her husband to do his share of the housework. She is tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, into body-building shape, shops to keep up with the fashion trends, makes sure she can compete in the attention-getting contest, puts the kids in a day care center, makes sure each has a TV in his room, or a radio, or a CD player so they can be entertained. She is opinionated, demanding, wants to be heard, eager to fulfill all of her personal goals.”
Right after I read this, I received this comment that someone had just left on my post that went viral last year about housework and not expecting husbands to help with it: “This is astoundingly offensive. Women and men both work outside the home in most households and there is no reason the man should get a pass on helping around the house while the woman slaves at home and at work.”
Yes, that post continues to receive comments on it and women continue to get “offended” by it. (The only things that should offend us, women, are Satan and sin, not others’ opinions but many of today’s women are easily led by their emotions and feelings, thus get offended easily.) Women today expect their husbands to help with housework, since they are the ones who decided they wanted to have careers and work outside of the home. Therefore, if they are bringing in some of the money, it makes perfect sense that their husbands should help with the housework. Now, many men want their wives to work since they like the thought of having extra money more than having a help meet (which most women have no desire to be). What a tangled web we have woven! It’s so far from what God has intended for us.
We, as godly women, are to be keepers at home with meek and quiet spirits living simply within our husband’s income, not demanding anything from our husbands but living in submission to their leadership. When we are at home tending to all of the details of running our homes and raising our children, our husbands can tend to working hard to provide a living for the family. God created male and female and He created us with different roles to fulfill. When these roles are filled with the husband and wife, there is harmony and peace within the home. The blurring of these roles has led to more divorce and devastation than anything else. Satan’s goal is to destroy the family because if he can destroy the family, he destroys nations.
Love your God-given role, women. No, it’s not bondage as many today want you to believe. It’s freedom from having to try and live a man’s role by providing plus having to do a woman’s role of homemaking. We were created to only do a woman’s role and it is good!
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14
22 thoughts on “Live and Love Your God-Given Role!”
Loved this post!!! So true!!!
Great post, Lori. Please keep these teachings and reminders coming as long as the Lord gives you the strength to do so. They are sorely needed.
God bless you!
I just read the sermon you linked to. What a good and clear sermon, and I can’t believe John MacArthur preached it back in the 90’s. There were so few lone voices saying these things–he was one of them, Elisabeth Elliot was another. Beyond that, I don’t know who else was saying these things. It sure would have helped a lot of women in the church and saved a lot of marriages and families.
Great post! I love being a homemaker! I love being with my kids, even on the long days, and I’m so thankful to be able to take care of my husband. I tell my young daughter being a mama is the best job, because you get to do a lot of different jobs all at once (nurse, teacher, cook, gardening, etc). Very thankful!
P.S. Your kitchen looks SO good! I love how bright and clean all the light colors look!
Very true, Lori. I find it interesting that when a career-wife is making a good amount of money, the husband naturally loses all of his desire and drive to provide for the family. Often, he is more than happy to take a back seat and let his wife shoulder all of the financial burdens. Then the wife gets upset that he doesn’t do more to help her out. I find this so twisted, sad, and UNnatural!
I love the colors you have chosen for your kitchen! I have a question however… How would you councel a woman in a lonely marriage? I am not by any stretch of the imagination abused or even treated unfairly… Just neglected emotionally. My husband is a good man, a good father, and a good provider. I stay home full time and homeschool our children. He just doesn’t know how to be compassionate or loving towards me. I have a good and happy life otherwise. I just wish I had a companion in life. I thought I was getting that when I decided to get married. Anyway, I’m just curious how you would advise a woman in my situation. Thanks for your ongoing blog posts. They have helped and encouraged me more than you know. ?
Let me tell you about my mother, Courtney. She married my dad when she was 21 years old. He took her across the country far away from her family and friends to attend medical school. He was a quiet man and loved to be alone. He left at 6:00 am and didn’t get home until 7:00 pm every night. They argued often and were not happy together. He was an only child and she was one of seven. They were like oil and water but they stuck it out. They are 86 years old and the past 6 years, they have fallen madly in love with each other. My mom appreciates him SO much as he tenderly cares for her. She feels so badly for not appreciating all of his good qualities all of those years. They have 3 daughters who married godly men and 10 grandchildren. Eight of them so far have married godly spouses. They all walk with Jesus.
Living a life for the Lord doesn’t mean that it’s easy or popular but it’s so very good and yes, it can be lonely. Maybe meet up with a few girlfriends once in a while for that emotional connection you are craving. Women love to have girlfriends, if they can find them but our ultimate emotional strength comes from the Lord and who we are in Him.
This life is short and only what we do for the Lord will last. Continue investing your time into your family and marriage and you will reap good fruit! Read about Mr. Steady in Debi Pearl’s book. It will help you to better appreciate your husband’s personality. Blessings to you!
Thank you, Lady Virtue!
It’s too bad that we don’t have MANY more preachers teaching on the destruction of feminism and the wonderful ways of godly womanhood, EC. I believe the Church would be a far more effective witness if it were.
I’m frequently telling my oldest granddaughter how wonderful it is to be home, Verna! It the best place on earth. Yes, we love the cabinets painted, backsplash, and new countertops! Now, we are just waiting for the walls to be painted. When I was younger and healthier, I did all of the painting but there’s no way I could do it now and our home is in bad need of painting. It’s so much brighter which I love!
You’re so right, Mrs. Gee. It is completely opposite of what God has ordained for us.
Thank you for your thoughtful response! That means a lot to me. And yes, I remember reading about your parents in a former post of yours. It REALLY blessed me and gave me hope! What I like about your blog is that you have a HIGH standard for living and a HIGH regard for scripture, but you have no problem being transparent and talking about past mistakes. Usually Christians who live according to a high moral standard like people to think they’re perfect and have never made a mistake. You don’t do that and I really appreciate that! Please don’t stop writing! You are helping us young mamas in ways that other Christian books and blogs are not.
Thank you, Courtney! I have made many mistakes in my life but have learned from them and want to warn women to not make them. I still write many things for motivation for me so that I will continue in the faith and become more like Chris since I know that as a teacher, I will be held to a higher standard. I daily need encouragement and reminders of truth and God’s perfect ways for us.
I believe in general, men do not understand the “emotional” needs of women. We just do not have a frame of reference to comprehend them. Also, I do not think that men and women understand “love” the same way. From my point of view it sounds like you are being loved GREATLY. The Bible defines love but from my experience, this is not what women are talking about when they say they don’t “feel” loved. I want to keep this post short so without much explanation I would encourage you to try the following.
First and foremost, you need to make sure that you are living out the role that God created you for and that is to be your husbands eager help meet, his joyful companion and making sure that all of his needs (that depend upon you) are being met. Make sure you are being submissive and respectful as God instructs you to be. A gentle and quite spirit goes a long way. Make sure he is staying fully satisfied sexually (mentally, physically and emotionally) and I encourage you to try and see if there is anything else that you can do for your husband that you might not currently be aware of.
Ask him and be sincere in trying to figure out if he has any unmet needs. He might not just easily give up this information because if he does and then you choose not to meet the need, it’s rejection and worse than before so it’s a risk for him to be open and honest here. Listen carefully when he talks. If he ever expresses a concern, complains (or jokes) about anything, including comments he makes about others can be huge clues. Don’t be offended, be informed.
If he does have unmet needs and you make it a priority to meet those needs, in my experience, that will tend to awaken the compassion and love that you seek in him. This might take some time and as you are working on this, he might just ask you if there is anything that he can do for you. If he does, (take the risk) tell him of your need and give him some tangible things he can do that will make you feel more loved!
Your motivation in all of this should be to please the Lord. If you do this well, (2 Corinthians 9:6) I believe that you will receive Gods blessings for your obedience and by delighting in Him, you just might just get the desires of your heart.
Thank you for your post, Lori. I loved and obeyed my dear husband when he was alive. After he passed away while my son was still young, I had to fulfill both roles as a mother and father to my dear son. Blessings!
Thank you, Trey, for taking the time to give me wise councel. I admit I have gotten so discouraged that I’ve ‘given up’ so to speak and will tell myself that I don’t care. But deep down I do care, and would love to see our relationship restored. You have given me good and practical ideas to try! ?
The desire for as strong intimacy and companionship is sadly not often matched up well between spouses, but a lot of it can be created, but it requires vulnerability. You might study the subject and pass some of what you find interesting on to your husband.
Vulnerability does not mean you let a spouse take advantage of you, but instead spouses are willing to open up freely with each other, sharing thoughts and dreams and fears and desires, even sins, with each other.
It is possible that your man, like many men, does not trust you fully with his thoughts and feelings. Dad may have been that way, or he just understands manliness as not opening up, but if you can get him to trust you with who he is on the inside without judgment, just acceptance and love… you may find your connection growing.
I also highly recommend playfulness. Too many wives want to be best friends with their husband and don’t realize that guys love to play, and tease, especially sexually. If you can get him to laugh, to enjoy being around you and to have fun with you even more than with his best buds… you might not be able to keep him away anymore.
Try these things and come back at us if you find they are helpful and want to talk about it more. I can tell you that when my wife started being playful with me, enjoying me, no longer critical, but accepting… it unlocked us both to enjoy each other and want to spend lots of time together as best friends.
Have you read about the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? This is very insightful. Most couples do not share the same love language, and as a result, feel like their spouse doesn’t care, when in reality, they just aren’t “speaking” the same love language. The 5 found in the book are: acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation and gift giving. You can do a quick quiz online to find out which one(s) you are.
Thank you, Ken and Donna… I appreciate your practical advice! My husband and I have been in church all our lives, sat through countless bible studies, and attended many marriage retreats. We know all the right things, but for some reason there is a disconnect. (Done the Love Languages study several times) None of it gets to the root of the problem. Ken- I read your comment through twice because I feel like it’s packed full of good ideas to try that for some reason, I’ve never heard in church. Nobody’s talking about the stuff you and Lori talk about, which is what makes your ministry to couples so unique… And helpful!
I read this book, and it was very helpful for my marriage. My husband read it also, and he discovered that different people had different needs…..it made all the difference in the world. When I finally did get words of encouragement, my health improved almost overnight…..I had no idea just how badly I needed that. He also realized that I could not keep performing the acts of service without my stamina and health, plus he learned also that I didn’t want or need all the presents he’d buy me at holidays — I didn’t want them at all, I just wanted a hug. He likes gifts and the one birthday I was so depleted I didn’t purchase a gift for him, he was visibly hurt. So I never forgot to buy a gift again. But that didn’t do a thing for me. This isn’t using the love languages to beat a spouse over the head; it’s a form of communication and it’s essential to your stamina and health.
It is such a blessing to be a wife/mother in the home. I love how clearly our roles were defined. I never expected my husband to do housework, laundry, errands, etc. By being clear about the roles, there was never any resentment because I thought he should help me. I shooed him away to go rest if he even tried to do dishes or something. The appreciation level for how hard he worked was so high that I was happy to take care of him when he got home. Now that our sons ate grown, I am soooooo thankful I was home with them and didn’t miss out on their lives. Not one regret.
I’m so glad I found your blog Lori! It’s truly refreshing to see a woman of God not being afraid to stand up for the truth. Abd I have a question about this, what do you think about single women working if their husband’s left? And is it never ok for a woman to work, even when her kids are older? We have always struggled financially abdGod has been our provider, i believe He is in control but when my husband doesn’t have enough work I have helped some and planned on continue studying to be a teacher in a future once my kids are older. Abd after reading your posts, I would like to know what you think about it and what bible verses I can refer to? Thanks!