Living Together Before Marriage IS Sin

Living Together Before Marriage IS Sin

Yesterday, I shared this on social media: “Living together used to be called living in sin. Everyone knew sex outside of marriage was wrong. Changing the name doesn’t negate this fact. Sin cheats yourself out of God’s best. FLEE fornication!” Of course, many vehemently disagreed with me. We live in a wicked generation. Some said that if a couple is living together, they are “married in God’s eyes.” Others said that marriage isn’t a document from the government but simply a couple living together and so on.

“What is the definition of marriage? People can be married without a marriage license. Two people who live together, and are committed to each other, take care of one another, and are sleeping together are already married in the eyes of God. God doesn’t recognize a marriage license, the government does!”

Many no longer understand the definition of marriage. It has been so watered down that they make up their own definition. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This is God’s definition of marriage. Here’s another one: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

You won’t hear people living together call each other husband and wife. They will call each other boyfriend and girlfriend or their “partner.” A marriage is a covenant with God before witnesses (remember, Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding) and proclaiming to those around you that you are committing your lives together until death do you part. We are also commanded to obey the governing authorities and their definition of marriage requires a marriage certificate before witnesses.

This thought of having sex together and being “married in the eyes of God” is a fallacy, too. There is no verse that states this and there would be no need for the word “fornication” to exist if this were the case. When Jesus talked to the woman at the well, “The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband” (John 4:17, 18). Did you notice that he said that the man she is now with (living together, shacking up, cohabiting, or living in sin) is NOT her husband? Having sex and living together don’t equal marriage!

In Romans 1:31, we are told that people will be covenantbreakers. They have no regard for private or public contracts. This defines our culture today. Marriage in our culture is a private contract between two people. The rings married people wear symbolizes this fact. The wife takes on the husband’s last name in agreement that they are now one flesh (which is consummated in the marriage bed). They share everything, including bank accounts, beds, name, children, and all possessions. This is marriage the way God intended it to be – until death do they part.

Sex outside of marriage causes much harm. Sex was created for marriage, for becoming one flesh, and having children together. We are commanded to keep the marriage bed undefiled for very good reasons. When you have sex before marriage, you are defiling your marriage bed. When you have sex with someone other than your husband after marriage, you are defiling your marriage bed. Sure, the thrill of sex outside of marriage makes it almost irresistible to many, but recent scientific studies have shown that through sexual intercourse, women can carry the DNA of all their male sexual partners for life.

“Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?” (Proverbs 5:15-20).

Do you see that God’s Word used the word “wife” not girlfriend in these verses? Many verses in Proverbs warn of the dangers of having sex with someone other than your spouse. It’s a very dangerous path to be on, women. This includes having sex with yourself (masturbation). This is stealing from your future husband and can harm the future relationship with him since you are having “vain imaginations” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and most likely lusting after someone else while masturbating. It’s self-serving which is the opposite of what God calls us to be and do. Marriage is for sex. Period.

“God only permits a man, through sanctified lawful marriage, to become one flesh through sexual intercourse with his wife, and consequently to become one flesh at the DNA micro-chromosome genetic level with his wife.” Keep your marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4) and you will reap His blessings; for we are promised that we will reap what we sow!

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

11 thoughts on “Living Together Before Marriage IS Sin

  1. Amen…so many people are saying they follow God’s word but are still choosing to shack up. I know one couple thats been together for like 20yrs but aren’t married. They “consider” themselves married.

  2. I agree in large part, but I found the words of Michael Pearl about a marriage license to be quite compelling. In essence, he said that government has no more business handing out marriage licenses than they do baptismal certificates. Marriage was created by God, is defined by God, and is rightly recognized only by the church. When we give the government the right to license marriages, we also give them the right to define marriage. And thus we have arrived at the place where our government has defined that marriage can happen between two men or between two women. We know this is a lie. I believe that Biblically, three things must happen for a marriage to take place: 1. The man must ask. 2. The woman must give her consent. 3. The father must give the woman to her husband. A young woman is under the authority and protection of her father until he gives her to a husband at which time she comes under the authority and protection of her husband. Under the law of Moses, If a young man and woman started living together without the father having given her away, the father could annul the marriage and take the daughter back if he did not approve.

    1. Yes sex outside of marriage is a sin and no we should not be doing that. However, when you mentioned the law of Moses, you need to understand that we as Christians no longer live under the law. If you believe that we should be recognizing the law of Moses then you need to recognize it as a whole and not just parts of it. This is why non-believers say we cherry pick from the Bible.

      1. Marine, of course I know that we are not under the law of Moses. However, that does not mean that we cannot learn some things about God’s will from what he established with the nation of Israel. Do you think, for example, that the things God calls an abomination in the Old Testament are somehow not an abomination under the law of Christ? I doubt that you do. So how do we define, from the New Testament, when a marriage takes place? I would point out that well before the law of Moses, the principles that I mentioned above are found in Scripture. From the very beginning, Eve was given and presented to Adam by her Father. In the story of Isaac and Rebecca, you see Isaac’s servant requesting a father to give his daughter to his master. She goes with the servant having given her consent and having been given away by her father. When she meets Isaac, she goes right into the tent with him and consummates the marriage. No wedding ceremony. No marriage license. And well before the law of Moses.

  3. As much as feminism has ruined the lives of women it’s done the same to men. It’s so difficult to find young men who still have standards when it comes to choosing a wife and follow their morals when making decisions for the relationship . It’s a cycle of women thinking that denouncing motherhood and acting vulgar and trashy will make them happy and men who are unknowingly enabling them by not enforcing higher standards.

    1. *Making decisions when to set boundaries when he feels is the right time in the relationship (like getting married and then living together, as opposed to the woman deciding) and to have higher standards in his wife and to point out when she sins (like when she desires sex or living together before marriage)

      Sorry for the extra post, I was re-reading my post and realized I never actually mentioned the topic in it 🙂

  4. Living together and fornication are clearly and indisputably sinful. As you say a young women, should be under her fathers authority and protection until marriage and has no right to prostitute herself to a man who is not her husband.

  5. Lori,

    You wrote, “You won’t hear people living together call each other husband and wife. They will call each other boyfriend and girlfriend or their ‘partner.’”

    On Guam and over here on these Pacific island parts of the globe, you WILL hear a person speak of their live-in lover and call him her husband or fiancé, and his parents her in-laws, or call her his wife or fiancée and her parents his in-laws. It’s quite blatant here. It’s estimated that more than 75% of the “couples” here on Guam, for example, are not legally married. “We’ve been together for…” we are told, but when pressed, “But how long have you been married?” or, “When is your anniversary?” the response is still, “We’ve been together for….” We desperately need more biblical teaching on this. We’ve even had unmarried couples want to attend our marriage retreats. We catch flack because we only allow married couples to these types of retreats. Thankfully, we have had a few couples who have as many as eight children together get married as late as the day before a marriage retreat begins! YOU GET WHAT YOU TEACH! When we teach it, they will hear it and want to live right!

    Keep up the good word!
    ~Kelley

  6. Thanks for sharing that article about becoming one flesh through DNA, very interesting. I had sex before marriage (I wasn’t Christian then) but luckily for me it was at least with the person I ended up marrying so I’ve only had sex with one person, the one I want to be one flesh with. I do think sex should be for after marriage although it must be hard to wait if you don’t find a mate early on.

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