Love is NOT a Feeling!
Many will argue that love is a feeling. I wrote this on my Facebook page the other day: “There is no such thing as ‘falling in love.’ Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This is the definition of love. It has nothing to do with emotions and feelings which come and go. True love doesn’t, because it’s a commitment, a decision, a choice until death do you part.” Many, many disagreed with me since most think that love has to do with feelings and falling in love. “Why, of course, love has to do with feelings! God gave us feelings and feelings are what keep us connected to our spouse!”
Women will have feelings of anger towards their husbands. Feelings of passion, coolness, disgust, sadness, warmness, tenderness, discontentment, and happiness. These feelings aren’t love. They are feelings and part of life. Feelings change. Love never fails. Maturity is learning to not be lead by feelings and emotions but by the Spirit of Truth.
If love is a feeling, then all the women who suddenly have no good feelings for their husbands anymore, will falsely believe that they no longer *love* their husbands therefore, they should divorce them, right? No, love is NOT a feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a choice, a commitment until death do you part. Hollywood has convinced young women that marriage is all about feelings. They must feel the butterflies and tingles and if they don’t, he must not be the one. But guess what, those butterflies and tingles won’t last no matter who you marry. God wants you to marry a believer. Marry someone who is willing to work hard to provide for you and your children. Decide who you will marry by seeking wisdom, having a sound mind, and being sober-minded, not by your butterflies which will cloud your judgment.
Why do you think God commands older women to teach young women to “love their husbands”? Because younger women tend to think that if they aren’t feeling *in love* with their husbands, they must not be. This is why up to 80 percent of divorces are initiated by women. They need to be taught what true, biblical love is since feelings are fleeting and changing!
The definition that God Almighty gives for love is nothing about *falling in love* or feelings. It’s a made up phrase by Hollywood which has caused devastation upon the institution of marriage. Marriage based upon feelings is guaranteed of failing and this is why divorce is rampant. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not seek her own and its not easily provoked. Love thinks no evil and rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and love never fails. This is what young women need to be taught. I see NOTHING about feelings in this definition. Love is an action, NOT a feeling.
Every great marriage has gone through trials where the good feelings were non-existent. It happens to everyone. Yes, feelings are part of us but they aren’t what constitute love or define truth or reality. We love even when there are no “feelings” of love, because we have made a commitment, a vow to God Almighty. Remember, love NEVER fails.
Churches and marriages that are built upon emotions and feelings are doomed to fail. They both must be built on faith in Jesus Christ and commitment to His Word if they hope to endure. Many churches appeal to people’s emotions. They play a bunch of music from Bethel and Hillsong that stimulates the emotions and feelings. Few churches sing the great hymns of old that are rich in theology. This is why God’s people are being destroyed; for lack of knowledge. They want their ears tickled instead of being convicted and challenged by the Truth in God’s Word. It’s the same way with marriage. If their warm and fuzzy emotions aren’t there, they leave. Their marriage was built upon sand. Build your marriage upon the Rock of Jesus Christ.
And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness.
Colossians 3:14
55 thoughts on “Love is NOT a Feeling!”
Excellent teaching, Lori! God bless!
You are so correct! My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. We were “not in love” with each other when we got married , I’m not sure we even really “liked each other” very much and honestly we had no real attraction towards each other. But everyone in our families thought it would be a good Christian match so to speak. But we were both believers (most important) and I was willing to be a submissive wife, and he was/is a Godly husband. We have three children and have done everything by God’s word. We have built a life together and love each other according to scripture…but to this day, I think we can both honestly say neither of us have any “feelings” toward each other and there is no warmth like I see in other couples. Don’t get me wrong, we are kind, respectful, helpful with each other. We don’t fight at all. We don’t hurt each other in any way. But yet, we have a successful marriage according to God’s word. I just wonder what we’ve done wrong because i see other couples and successful marriages and they seem to enjoy each other, want to be together. We would never every divorce, but it feels like something is missing.
Many, many couples throughout the generations have had good, solid marriages like yours, KAR. They were committed for life and would never think about divorcing. Some couples simply are more affectionate and enjoy each other more than others. It doesn’t mean there is any less love in yours. My parents didn’t have those feelings of warmth and delight in each other until the last few years of my mother’s life but even without those feelings, they stayed committed to each other until death, the death of my mother.
Remember, godliness with contentment is great gain! You have a good man and you are committed to him. Feelings come and go but a lifetime commitment of love is rare in these days where feelings trump everything.
Seems like you have a good marriage. Love is an action don’t believe the lies of the enemy. Both of you guys love God and are honoring Him. It’s all about Him.
Amen! Love is an action, its something you do daily. Feelings and emotions come and go. Love is something that is unconditional and something we show. I’ve said it all the time I’ll choose being holy over being happy any day. The goal is to glorify God period.
There are many different kinds of love, but we tend to use just the one word. We love chocolate, love our job, love granny etc. Love in the bible means many things. When Jesus said, “love one another,” he didn’t mean just hugs and kisses, he said, “as I have loved you.” He healed the sick, had lunch with someone, went to a wedding, provided food for a large crowd, told fishermen where and how to catch fish, taught the disciples how to pray, many things under the heading love. Love is a big topic. I noticed someone on your fcbk page said she would find it repulsive to be intimate with a man she didn’t find attractive. That tells me that she must have been physically intimate with someone before marriage. I’ve heard it from other single Christian women, one said to me she would have to fancy a man before she could go out with him. The sin of sex before marriage does that. It can be put right with repentance and counselling. There was a Christian song, years ago, with a line in it that you would like, the line in the song was, “love is not a feeling, it’s an act of your will.”
I’m going to be honest and say I’m kind of conflicted on this. Yes, I absolutely agree that love is an action, but I also “feel” in love with my husband. Some times it’s stronger, but it’s always there. But I also know that I must make sure that I don’t allow myself to “feel” resentment or anger or a holier than thou attitude towards him or I know those feelings won’t be as strong. I have to always try to be respectful and kind and know that he has my and our best interests at heart in his decisions, especially if they aren’t what I would choose. So, I guess in a way I am agreeing, but I also feel I am “in love” with him. I guess maybe I need to say what I think it means to be in love? For me, I think being “in love” means that I always think he’s awesome and want to respect and honor him. Yes I still do get butterflies after 25 years of marriage. BUT, I also find that in my meh times, the times that I’m not feeling all lovey dovey, if I am honest it’s usually because I have allowed negative feelings in some way, shape or form to invade my thoughts of him. It can be something as silly as him not picking up his shoes and if I’m not careful it can become an all out attack on everything he does in my mind. It’s crazy to me how if I let one little thing take root, it’s so easy to allow lots more to pile on. And I think that is part of the problem with all these divorces.
I think that women can be very deceived by their emotions and once they let that ball start rolling, it’s all downhill. So, women that don’t feel love for their husbands and use it as an excuse to divorce him, I would ask “What are your thoughts towards him?” Are they generally good or do you dwell on the negative? Most men have got many, many good qualities that their wives overlook because he leaves the toilet seat up. And once that negativity takes root about the toilet seat, then comes that sock he left on the floor and he spilled some salt on the table and left it for me to clean up and on and on and on until they are so far into it, they can’t see all his good qualities. I wonder if they would consciously try to replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts, if they might “feel” love towards him again? Like if he leaves his socks on the floor, they don’t dwell on that and pick a good quality to dwell on instead? As a woman, I know that we can sometimes get it in our head that someone is out to get us, and I’ve seen many that feel like everything their husband does is a personal attack on them, when in reality it isn’t. Anyway I’m not trying to justify the falling in love thing, I’m just pointing out that maybe if you tried to look for his good qualities instead of constantly looking for his bad qualities, you might “feel” differently? I think this verse applies to our husbands as well as everything else, I know that for me personally how I ALLOW my mind to think, usually plays a role in how I “feel”, and that isn’t just towards my husband, that is in all of life.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
The Bible no where talks about being “in love.” This is a concept made in Hollywood but it’s not biblical. We are to love, period. Too many women don’t feel “in love” with their husbands anymore and use this as an excuse to divorce their husbands. Feelings should never control our lives. The more mature we become, the less control they have over us. I definitely agree with you that wives would have a much easier time truly loving their husbands if they would dwell on the good in their husbands and those things that are praiseworthy rather than the negative and being critical.
Wow! This is a disturbing comment. I am not sure how you can claim only fornicators are looking for future spouses they are attracted to. That is such a horrible conclusion to make not based on anything, Biblical or scientific.
Many men prefer trim, well-groomed women with clear skin, no tattoos, and a big smile. Why would it suddenly mean women have had sex before marriage simply because they have some preferences as well?
I am disgusted by this comment meant to make others think their daughters, sisters in Christ, or any other woman must be a sinner with carnal knowledge simply for thinking one man is more attractive than another and choosing to go on a date with that one. My goodness.
I have always found my husband attractive, whether it was at age 19 or now, years later, when aging has taking its toll.
Many men wanted to court me, and I thought wow! All of these men are godly! But that man sure has a twinkle in his eye, the most adorable curls, and stands so tall and strong! And that was the man I married. I was a virgin who had only ever held a mans hand before.
I’m not sure what this post is meant to do — encourage young women to punish themselves by choosing a man who not attractive to them? God never says you will be rewarded extra for making yourself suffer on purpose. If he’s providing you a Godly man who you also find attractive, consider yourself blessed! In fact, that other man you turned down might be some other girls hopeful!
I don’t believe there is anything wrong with finding your spouse attractive, especially when you read the Song of Solomon. I definitely find my husband attractive! Not trying to be argumentative, just stating my thoughts.
Oh I agree, feelings should not control our lives and we shouldn’t let feelings affect how we show love, but nothing wrong with feeling in love with your spouse either. Not feeling “in love” with your spouse is NEVER a grounds for divorce, so we agree on that as well.
I’m so pleased you have commitment and respect for your husband. Your marriage is probably a lot stronger than most people’s in the US just because of those two things. In terms of feelings, I find the old adage “fake it till you make it” to be true whether it is with my children or my husband. Perhaps that will help you too. With my husband I’ll buy some favorite treats from the grocery store for him or a cake-pop at Starbucks and I look forward to seeing his reaction. Having him delighted with me makes me feel even more soft toward him. I do the same with my children in that one of them loves to be touched. I don’t mind touching but sometimes I just don’t “feel” like it. Knowing how important it is to them I will make a point to cuddle with them anyway. This often leads to the maternal feelings you get when you have a newborn being kicked into gear again.
what do you suggest for a woman who is pregnant out of wedlock, has come to christ, but her child’s father isn’t a believer? marry a believer is important but would you think marrying the child’s father is most important in this instance?
I appreciate the comments. However, after 30 years of marriage, i don’t think either of us can “fake” what was never there (affection, emotional intimacy or physical attraction, connection, interests, etc .)
But still I will take care of my husband forever joyfully. I love him as a person and want the best for him. I would never hurt him, nor he I. We are committed to being married forever, but we have no pretenses that ours is a great “love story.” I was just proving the point that you don’t have to “love each other or be in love” to love as you are called and be true to your vows.
It depends a lot on the situation. In most cases, if the man is a generally good man who will be faithful and kind and provide, it would be better for the child to have his parents married and under one roof. However, if there are any red flags that indicate serious character flaws like anger, addiction, infidelity, and so on, then marriage may be more risky than moving on.
A great love story is one that lasts for a lifetime since this shows the world that love is indeed commitment. The younger generations need to see this more than they need to see a romantic marriage. They see plenty of those from Hollywood but few if any last a life time.
My husband and I have a little bit of ‘magic’
But the ‘Magic’ is pretty simple…
1) Physical Attraction—mainly facial attraction as the most important as weight fluctuates…eyes are the window to the soul
2) Short Tempers that Don’t Stay Angry For Long — Easy to Forgive Personalities and Move On
3) Dedication and the realization that Grass is NOT greener on the other side
Do not marry an unbeliever. Yes it we be nice to have the father under the same roof but marriage is a lifetime commitment and the 2nd biggest decision a person can make besides choosing Christ. If a woman is already married then yes you can win him over but if you can avoid marrying an unbeliever do it.
Dear Lori
I have just found your blog and love your honest ideas . I am from Australia and was just wondering what your ideas are on couples living together, my partner and I live together with our daughter and are very devoted to each other probably mores so than some married couples I know. We are not very religious but believe in gods ways , I would love to hear what you think thank you
The idea of romance and feelings of love came far before Hollywood or TV was even close to invention. I think over human history some lucky people have found a partner they have very strong feelings for, making it easier to want to please them, which sounds enviable. (I myself adore my husband and have a longing for him I don’t feel for anyone else). But this isn’t the case for many and there’s not enough awareness of the acts of love you describe well in this post. I hardly ever hear encouragement to serve your spouse when the warm feelings aren’t there. In fact not just your spouse but anyone! Sometimes we must do things because it’s simply the right thing to do. I can totally see how the emphasis on emotions has elevated divorce rates.
Hey everyone,
Can someone please give me advice about what to do with my future? I’m 18 and I’ll graduate high school in June. Since I’ve won a major scholarship, would it be fine for me to go to university? I’m certain that I can graduate with no debt due to the monetary sum I’ve received from the scholarship. I’d also study a practical degree that would be hard to pollute with leftist ideology (chemistry). My father is fine with me attending. Or would I just be draining resources and ruining myself for a potential husband by going to university? Due to my autism, I currently plan to stay celibate, but I want to be prepared just in case God wants me to get married. If I was celibate, would it be wrong for me to become a chemist or engineer. I don’t want to do this for a selfish reason, but rather to help people by developing medication or something similar. I do have an IQ that is significantly above average due to my autism.
Currently, I volunteer with several STEM organizations that teach young children about the physical sciences. I also work part time online as a sales representative to make some extra money. I’m currently getting my TESOL so that I teach ESL for an online company. Despite the fact that I’m quite academically and community-involved for my age, I also keep up my skills in homemaking. I cook meals from scratch almost daily, I balance typical housekeeping chores, and I shop in a thrifty manner. Should I keep up with what I’m doing, or drop some activity and prioritize another one?
By the way, this thought has been lingering on my mind for a long time. So I’ve won a major scholarship, and it could technically be rewarded to someone else until I start university. A male classmate has demanded that I should give it to him by contacting the organization and saying that I don’t want it anymore. He also insists that I date him and constantly catcalls and leers at me at school. He even tried to take a picture of me and post it on social media, claiming that I was dating him. He is clearly desperate for a girlfriend. I retaliated his behaviour and humiliated with a stinger of an insult with a harsh reminder that I am academically smarter than him in front of a huge crowd of our peers. They all laughed and taunted him after I did this. However, I don’t think I did anything to tempt him. I dress very modestly (only long, loose, baggy clothes that cover me from neck to tie) and no jewelry or makeup or elaborate hairstyle. I’m typically reserved; I only speak in class when it is appropriate and I never brag about my academic achievements. However, the academic achievements of strong students in my school are often announced to the class by the teacher, so this is why people know. I know that he is a strong Christian, so theoretically he should be a good husband. I refused both of his demands that I be his girlfriend and transfer my scholarship to him. I know that since I have autism I can’t be choosy; not many men would want to marry someone as flawed as me. I understand that I’m of a lesser value than a normal person due to my autism (I’m also quite ugly; I take care of what I can such as my weight and skin. However, I’m still naturally chubby although my BMI is in the medically healthy range, my brown hair is an odd mixture between curly and wavy, my eyes are plain brown. I’m a Slavic Caucasian, so my features are definitely darker than is desirable for my ethnicity. Aside from that, my face is very rounded and my figure is rather heavy set and bulky. I wear glasses that obviously do not add to my appearance and my teeth are not completely straight. My father doesn’t want me to get braces or contacts. I’m sorry I’d I sound rather whiny and mopey, but I’m just trying to objectively describe my appearance). And on the note of the scholarship again, I know that a person has to have a very high GPA and community involvement in order to receive it. The male classmate who wants it from me may not qualify for it. Am I in the wrong for how I reacted to his constant pursuit of me? What about my refusal to date him and lack of even an attempt to give him the scholarship?
You should marry, Maa. This is what God requires of us; to commit to each other until death do you part.
Spot on! Hallelujah, praise the Lord! You are so right!
I actually do have one line I disagree with, “But guess what, those butterflies and tingles won’t last no matter who you marry.”
I say marry a man you respect and the butterflies will always be there.
I have been saying this for years and have been surprised at the number of women to whom it had never crossed their mind that “being in love” was a terrible reason to marry someone.
A dear friend just lost her daughter to a man who likely will abuse her someday, but “they were in love.” No substance, all feelings. So sad.
This is the best kind of love, I think. Being “in love” is a fickle thing and is disrupted by anything negative, an argument, a misunderstanding, even hormones and emotions.
A word on church, music, and emotion: I have been going to a Missouri Synod Lutheran church for 10 years and they play all hymns on an organ or piano. It is a liturgical service and we take communion each Sunday. It is a nice church, yet I have felt spiritually dead there for a long time. I recently went to a friend’s church, and yes it is more emotional than our stoic Lutheran service (lots of raised hands and Amens), but I do feel like I am learning in a new way there because they really break down Bible passages and share the history in a way that helps me to understand what is going on. For years I have had a pamphlet with our Old Testament reading, Epistle reading, and New Testament reading and it has always felt disjointed and I practically fall asleep! Basically, the emotional churches sometimes do a better job of teaching the Bible during service. I am only basing this on the experience of these two churches though.
The father of the child is always going to be in the woman’s life, whether she chooses to marry him or not. By marrying him, she will have a lot more say in how their child is raised, as she will be able to be with the child all the time. If she does not marry the father, the father is going to have a lot of influence over the child when the mother is not around. Also, if marriage is her goal in the future, having a child is going to make finding a good husband difficult.
If she thinks she could be happy with him, I would definitely encourage her to marry him. There is always hope that he might become a believer later, if she continues to pray for him and shows him Christ by the way she lives.
I’m a young woman and I’m sorry but, there needs to be some type of physical attraction no matter how many “godly men” are presented to me. I can’t choose to love someone physically that I’m repulsed by.
Thank you for that reply. I had wanted to comment saying that I do think it’s a better idea to marry someone that you ARE attracted to, because it makes it easier to WANT to submit to him. Yes you’ve sworn to whether you want to or not, but why make it harder for yourself than it needs to be? That’s like telling a man he should marry a rebellious woman because his vow to love her as Christ loved the church means he has to even if she is rebelling! Um, yeah, but maybe he’s allowed to pick a wife it’s easier FOR him to love?
…But then I got worried that if I stated that attraction helps a relationship run smoothly as a general rule, I’d be accused of sleeping around. I was not aware that attraction to a man was the very same thing as sleeping with him?
It’s very dismal how everywhere from the manosphere to women’s Christian marriage blogs, people simply do not believe in the existence of virgins.
I love the example of the church music, yes some of them stimulate the feelings such as Hillsong. I am an orthodox Christian and we sing only, we don’t use any instruments and this is why I see only a few young people in our church, because they said “we don’t feel the presence of the Lord”
My guess is that your pheromones don’t particularly match, and that is why the warm “in love” feelings have never surfaced. I say this because of the many doctors I’ve heard discuss how women, once off birth control, sometimes have this type of shift. That leads me to believe that pheromones have a distinct subconscious effect regarding attraction.
“Be nice” to have the father under the same roof? Seriously? I suspect the child will find it more than just “nice”. I agree 100% with Lori’s comment.
To Kate, I think my husband is good looking and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I knew lots of good looking men but my husband had other qualities as well. We all like different things in a person. Most marriages but not all start with friendship. If you are single and go for a coffee or a meal with a single Christian brother, you are not saying you are going to marry him. Getting to know people in a group of friends works well. Love can grow out of friendship. Not too sure why you are so angry, given the number of divorces there are among Christians. The point is, not to choose someone based on only what they look like.
I appreciate this post. I’m currently in a courtship (my first and hopefully only) with a very suitable young man. He is a believer and we agree on all the essentials and most of the details. Where I live, it is rare to find a christian who isn’t lukewarm or only calls himself a christian but doesn’t believe. Let alone someone who agrees that birth control isn’t necessary in a marriage and that children are better off being homeschooled. All that being said I’ve been hesitant so far and a bit unsure, because people tend to want the big romantic story of how we met or expect me to be so over the moon in love that I would sing his praises from morning to night. But I don’t have butterflies and I know that’s alright. In fact it’s probably better at this point not to have butterflies. Just no one seems to understand. So I’ve not mentioned my courtship to many people so far, because I don’t want them to try to convince me to give up on this, simply because of lack of emotions. At least I am not repulsed by him, he is good to talk to and it’s nice praying together. My dad approves and I’ve pretty much decided by now that unless some very good reason comes along to not marry him, I probably will. I haven’t said so yet though, since I haven’t met his parents yet and would like to do so before saying “yes”. This is a bit difficult, because he lives in another country. I was going to visit them towards the end of this month, but my flight was cancelled, due to the pan(dem)ic. Now I probably can’t go until the end of June at the earliest. I would appreciate any prayers for guidance, patience and wisdom in this situation!
Happy Homemaker, I find my husband attractive. The advice, I would say, is to single girls looking for a husband. There are many good looking men but good looks alone are not enough. I would say that is part of what the post is saying. Single women can go for a coffee or meal with a single Christian man. It does not mean they will end up married to him but they will have gained a friend who may know someone they could end up married to.
Your commitment is an encouragement, KAR, and you are obviously a godly woman. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through your marriage without experiencing feelings of being “in love” or attracted to your husband.
I appreciate your transparency in this discussion and your commitment to follow God’s Word in the love you show to your husband.
It’s better to marry a solid believer who has the same values that you do than to marry without these things but who you have butterflies for. The feelings will come and go. If you marry this godly man, there may be times in your marriage that you have deep feelings for him. Some people simply feel things more than others but it’s not something to base the decision of marriage upon. Their character and their love for the Lord and His ways are all far superior and long lasting than feelings are. We are told to have sound minds. There’s nothing in the Bible that tells us we must have feelings in order to marry.
That’s right, Monica. There’s nothing in God’s Word about feeling close to Him. It’s believing in Him and obeying Him that He wants from us.
There can be dead churches who sings hymns and there are many churches who are all emotional and only sing Hillsong who are dead churches because they don’t teach the Truth of God’s Word. They tickle the ears instead. They are seeker friendly and they cater to emotions and feelings. A solid church will teach the Word of God without watering it down at all. The congregation will be convicted and challenged after sermons. The emotions that some may have while singing will come from a deep love of God and what He has done for them even if they are singing the hymns of old.
Even if you marry a man who you are physically attracted to, there will be times in a life long marriage where you will most likely be repulsed by him. Love is much deeper, long lasting, and real than any attraction you may feel towards a man.
Heather Terry, one of the reasons I think people so often get “offended” when reading comments and blogs is that you can’t judge the tone of the person writing. I apologize if I misunderstood your comment, and I think maybe we agree on more than I initially thought 🙂
Butterflies and tingles are feelings that won’t last a lifetime even if you respect your husband. You may have them on and off during marriage but not all of the time. Feelings are never constant. They are fickle and unreliable. They aren’t something one should feel in order to decide who to marry. The Bible says nothing about this when deciding whom to marry. There have been many arranged marriages that have lasted a lifetime.
You don’t have to be sorry. We both consciously entered into this marriage with eyes wide open knowing what we were doing and with much prayers. We were marrying into the concept of Christian marriage (husband as leaders, submissive wife, bearing children) (and this was encouraged by our families) we were not marrying each other as “individuals.” As Lori has written many times, “feelings, emotions, attraction, etc” are actually not important in selecting a spouse. It is only your commitment to love one another for a lifetime.
I agree but i still believe that a man can feel genuine love for a women and then want to marry her we see that in the bible but we also see men who are in love and then wants to fornicate and fornication is not love it happen when lust is involve but yea most marriage today are only built on emotions and feeling this is why it failed and you always hear womens saying things like it’s not like it was at the beginning anymore and they get bored then they filed for divorce and will say stupid reasons like they’re not compatible or she’s unhappy.
Anna. I hope that I have not misunderstood this comment of yours, ” I was not aware that attraction to a man was the very same thing as sleeping with him?” Here is a verse, “Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Sex and lustful thoughts before marriage is wrong. Having said that when you repent you are forgiven as if you had never sinned. “Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.”
I told my husband just the other day that it’s a good thing I didn’t love him when we got married because I would have cried all through the wedding and ruined the photos ? I always cry for things that are dramatic/romantic/emotional and not having butterflies about my husband is the only reason my wedding is the (ironic) exception.
He had a word from the Lord that I was the one he was supposed to marry and I was kinda like , Eh
ok. I wasn’t attracted to him looks wise, but he was a good, hard working, Bible believing follower of Jesus and marrying him felt right and I had a deep respect for him. It was something I didn’t tell anyone leading up to the wedding because I knew people would think I was crazy and would probably try to talk me out of it, especially considering the fact that we got engaged after only seeing each other for 3 months and were married at the 7 month mark.
Now, 5.5 years and 4 kids later, I really married my soul mate. We are perfect for each other. We don’t fight, we know what’s expected of the other and we have a good time together. I love him very deeply and am crazy about him. Yes, he can drive me batty sometimes but we’ve been good about communication and talk things through if there’s an issue.
I suspect we will have things come up to test our marriage in the future (we’ve only been married for half a decade, after all) but I feel confident that if I focus on doing my job, serving him and loving him to the best of my ability, that we will continue to have a wonderful marriage.
Character matters WAY more than feelings in choosing a spouse, Isadora. It sounds like you have chosen a good man.
I wish more people my age would see past romance novels and Hollywood storylines and see this. If there is one thing that I agree with you the most, Lori, it is your outlook on love. In my generation, among my friends, marriages and relationships end for stupid reasons, because “the love just faded away” or something like that. Whenever they say this, I truely believe my friends just didn’t try hard enough. It is most tragic to witness this when children are already involved. :'(
To end on a positive note, I am very grateful I have found someone who understands that while we certainly are in love right now, what will keep us together long term is a commitment to build a life, a family together. It makes me feel a lot safer to know we have shared values and goals for the future than any kind of grand gesture you see in movies ever would.
Attraction is not the same thing as lust.
We all understand that the inside beauty is more important than the outward appearances but some teacher talk like the physical beauty wasn’t important at all which is not true and unbiblical God made the outside beauty for a reason it should reflect what’s in the inside and yea it’s not unbiblical to be first attracted to someone based on what the eyes is seing it just that we shouldn’t limit ourselves to that obviously look at these verses (Genesis) 6:2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. (Genesis) 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
M, I’m sorry you’re missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures – having a spouse who’s a constant source of affection, fun and joy. I’ve been married to my wife for more than 30 years and I still get excited to come home at the end of the day and see her. Have you considered a counselor? As we’re all learning the hard way, this human life is short, we should find ways to enjoy it.
Don’t limit yourself. There are suitors you don’t have to settle.
Thank you for your advice /reassurance!
“Keep your emotions in check and your head clear.” This is something my late father drilled in my head from the time I was a young girl. He was First Generation Green Berets and that advice has served me well.
At 52, I am looking forward to finding the man God has for me. I have dropped all of the Hollywood and Rockefeller Women’s Liberation nonsense requirements for him. No. He’s not going to be a towering man. He’s going to be a man of God meaning he’s going to have his feet flat to the ground and ready for anything. He’s definitely going to be masculine.