Many Men Don’t Want to Marry

Many Men Don’t Want to Marry

There’s an article from Evie Magazine titled Millions of Men No Longer Want to Get Married and You Can Thank the Government for That. I want to address a few things in the article since it’s what I teach about.

“Marriage is on the decline, and it’s a scary thought. Imagine dating a man for years, cohabitating, and giving the relationship your all without him ever having to ‘put a ring on it.’ No matrimony, no wedding dress, and no big celebration with family and friends. What about the thought of having children without marriage?”

There’s a simple solution to this problem, women. Don’t date a man for years. If he isn’t willing to marry you after at the most a year, go on with your life. You want a man who is willing to commit to you for life. Secondly, don’t cohabitate with him! Don’t have sex with him. If you’re having sex with him, there’s a good likelihood that you will have children with him. This is a disaster! Why should a man marry if he’s getting all of the benefits of a wife for free without any commitment? Be wise and stay a virgin until your wedding night. A godly man will want a wife such as this.

“It’s fine if you don’t believe in marriage, but the rest of us do. Most women look forward to tying the knot with the man of their dreams, but what will happen if millions of men refuse to get married? This is what’s currently happening in America and many other parts of the world.”

Millions of men refuse to get married because they don’t need to. They don’t need to get married to have sex. They don’t need to get married to have a family to provide and protect. Feminism has given women freedom to have sex whenever and with whomever they want. It’s also forced women into the workforce so that they no longer need to be dependent upon men.

Moral of the story? Don’t have sex until marriage as I have already stated. Don’t spend a ton of money that you don’t have to get a degree that will cause you to stay in the workforce long after marriage to pay off your debt. Plus, many men want their wives to work if they make good money. Find something creative to do before marriage that doesn’t require an expensive degree and doesn’t make a ton of money. “Career women” isn’t a biblical concept.

“Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, says, ‘Women’s independence and gender equality is a huge factor in the long-term decline in marriage.'” Both of these issues were manufactured by the feminist mantra. No, we aren’t the same. We have different but important roles. God commands women to be keepers at home and men to be the providers and protectors of the families. This is good!

“There has also been a rise in men’s rights groups such as Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and the Manosphere, where men in droves complain about men’s unfair treatment in relationships and family courts. They’re tired of being brow-beaten by women and the gender bias laws against men. For this reason, millions of men are opting out of marriage altogether.”

This is something that we have no ability to do anything about except to marry a godly man and commit to being a godly, submissive wife. Stay married until death do you part. I have four children in their 30s. They’re all married. Yes, there are men who still want to marry, and there are women who want to be godly wives. There will always be a remnant, but we can’t allow the government stop what God has ordained.

Yes, men lose a lot of money in a divorce and women initiate up to 80 percent of the divorces, but we don’t stop obeying God. I believe the biggest problem among Christians is a lack of older women in all of the churches teaching biblical womanhood to the young women. No, instead the young women are learning from female preachers/teachers who teach nothing about biblical womanhood. Young women need godly wisdom badly. The churches need young women who are committed to living in obedience to God and His clear commands to them. This would prevent divorce in most cases.

I believe it’s feminism not the government that is the cause of most men wanting to divorce. If women are not contentious, argumentative, and mean but instead feminine, kind, loving, soft-spoken, classy, modest, hard-working, wanting a family, loving home and being a homemaker, and deep lovers of God, then men will want to marry these women. Most men still want a family. It’s just that so many women are so unappealing because of what feminism (ie. sin) has done to them. The Bible tells us that he who finds a wife finds a good thing! Be the kind of wife that a man will desire to marry, then trust God’s timing and will in your life.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

40 thoughts on “Many Men Don’t Want to Marry

  1. Feminism has been indoctrinated in most people since birth. Both men and women are suffering because of it. Most single women I see 30+ are so indoctrinated its pretty much impossible to find a wife. I highly recommend marrying young, the longer you wait the harder it gets.

    1. The bible teach that both men and women should marry young especially women probably their beauty and fertility peak in their early 20’s.

  2. This is all so true. I experienced it myself, I dated quite a few guys before I met “the one”, and I always broke it off after a month or two because none of them wanted to get married in the near future (even though they were all perfectly nice guys otherwise). I have to say, it was so hard, I remember just sort of “losing faith” in the men of my generation in general, haha. Luckily, I don’t believe in sex before marriage. It’s not exactly a great feeling when you break off a relationship, even if just after a few dates, especially when it happens multiple times. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been if I had slept with any of them.

  3. I completely agree. Two things about this. My sweet Daddy always counseled both me and my brothers that “you don’t need to buy the cow when you can get milk for free”😂 It’s a bit crass but the point is the same.

    Secondly you are absolutely correct about the lack of Titus 2 women in the church. I was blessed to find a wonderful biblical church that teaches expository preaching. One of the major Bible studies for women, and it’s very popular, is the “Mentor Moms” study which pairs older Titus 2 women with young mothers. Young Christian women are desperate for leadership. Many of us didn’t grow up in homes with mothers who pointed us to God’s Word but they pointed us to the secular workforce. I am so blessed to have 3 godly mentors I can call on when I need encouragement and prayer and advice.

    Thank you for your words. I’m so blessed I found your blog!💗

    1. Your father gave you good advice. My mother preached the same wisdom and that sex was something special only for marriage. It’s not only morally right but it’s also the way to get married. It works! And it weeds out the less honorable fellows, too. I’m so blessed to be married. It’s all I ever wanted.

  4. Thank you Ms. Lori for teaching biblical womanhood! I thank first the Lord for his word and then for bringing me to your instagram without looking for it and I am also thankful for you and your teachings.

  5. Very well said! Feminism is poison and infects many Christian women as well. Men are rightly concerned about marriage, because the deck is completely stacked against them due to no-fault divorce. Wives can rebel all they like and take the kids and half the assets and the husbands have no recourse.

  6. Yes sister!!! Yes to everything you said and yes to Scripture! I have to remind sisters alllll the time:

    1 year is long enough to know whether or not marriage is going to happen

    He’s not gonna buy the cow when he can wake up everyday and get the milk for free

    Being independent isn’t empowering, it’s literally a curse and it’s the mass deception that keeps happening over and over again, in Israel, in Babylon, In Sodom and Gomorrah, in Egypt. The woman has no ‘Head’ (Husband), and thus the next generation is out of order.

    Thank you for being unapologetic in your message regarding scripture. You inspire me to not be a pacifist.

      1. Exactly. Married men are not getting sex. Why buy the cow when the milk is free and the cow has no milk. And most likely will try to take your ranch.

        My church has started supporting single mothers at a level that they are promoting divorce.

  7. Encouraging Christian women not to have sex before marriage is monumentally important, primarily because fornication brings them even further under the wrath of God. And yes, right, It’s also completely undermining marriage.

    There’s a massive blind spot in the leadership of these organizations we casually call churches. Or is it just denial? After 50+ years of a sexual revolution started by feminism these leaders still won’t be honest about what’s going on. Young men know though, only too well:

    Women have lust and sexual desires that compel them to sin.

    Men in western society believed a lie, sold to them by chivalry (courtly love). It was a comforting lie to believe that a man’s girlfriend, wife only desired him sexually. He was devoted to her, good to her, of noble character? Women are just that way? It was never true but the truth has only become worse and worse and more obvious with every passing decade. Young men know now. We know. Never should have lied to us.

    Everyone who is honest knows there is a hierarchy in who is the most or least eligible between the sexes. In the marketplace of casual sex men know which men are the most eligible. Which men women really want. Men also know that ungodly men at the top of the hierarchy will lower their rank, without the slightest hesitation, for casual sex with women that they would never marry. Why would Godly men ever marry such women? They have repented? That’s good but where’s the appeal of marriage to her now. After a decade or more of this and several, many men?Especially in a culture where marriage is already undermined? Never should have let this happen.

  8. Dear Lori and Friends, it’s the single’s shaming that makes women desperate grasp for the first dud that comes along. Nothing new, “spinster” has always been a term of reproach. Sadly, it’s women – either married or playing house – who are looking down their lofty snoots at women who typically don’t have a date come Saturday night.
    Real sisterhood doesn’t participate in that sort of, or any other, reviling.

  9. Totally agree Lori! As a single woman in her early 20s who would love to get married as soon as possible, I’ve noticed an overwhelming amount of men and women my age have very immature opinions on marriage.

    The major factor is the popularity of the opinion that marriage is “just a piece of paper”. This allows young men to be able to go years without having to make a commitment and young women don’t know any better because the days of mothers teaching their daughters how to find a good husband are gone. Feminism is such poison, it’s a movement that claims to value women but all it’s done is take away what made the female role special. It’s taken away our dignity.

    The normalization of porn, hook up culture, and online dating have also ruined it. There’s no reason for men to find a good, stable woman when there’s billions of “empowered” women who don’t see that the “sex positive” movement was made by liberal men who just wanted sex without putting in any work.

    1. It’s not just women knowing no better. There are very few men who want to commit. I have just broken off a 3 year relationship with a practicing Christian man. He was born to a practicing Evangelical family, raised in the Church, attended church and still had no commitment whatsoever toward neither a career nor a family life. If this is a Christian man imagine a secular one?

      The failings are not just the mothers of daughter but also the parents of sons. Men act without accountability. Because they will no fall pregnant a blind eye is turned to young men in Church indulging in worldly behaviour. I for one am done with Christianity and Christian men in particular.

        1. Lori, thank you for your writing. I have found it quite helpful in my own marriage. About raising masculine men that love Jesus … There are lots of reasons this is hard and even if you raise Godly masculine boys into men (my sons will be because they don’t have a choice), this still does not change the current incentives for men to marry. For any man, the downside risk to marriage is great. Spend years of your life to build a home and a family and it all can be taken away by a wife who now finds herself “unhappy”. Enough men have seen this happen to friends or have had it happen to themselves and are telling other men to consider if the risk is worth the reward. Until the power balance in marriage (the state becomes the wife’s enforcer in the vast majority of divorces and does so at her whim with no recourse for the husband) choosing to marry is now a harder choice for men than it was in the past.

      1. I can sympathize with you – there’s a young man at work whose finance wants to have babies with him. He’s more interested in getting: A. a puppy. B. a better car. That’s his priority. And his finance is a young, attractive girl who dresses nice. A young, pretty girl wants to have your baby and you want to get a dog?!!!

        You should not be done with Christianity. We are Christian because Jesus IS the son of God, not because Christianity gets or fails to get you a husband (or a wife for the men).

        Also, I don’t think you’ll find better among secular men. You will, statistically speaking, find worse.

  10. Christine, it is hard teaching.

    When the disciples asked Jesus, ‘teach us to pray’, the first words of Jesus were ‘Our Father’.

    Your instructions to your sons start with ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’. Have they no father? You are supposed to be his help meet, to submit to him, to respect him.

    How can you expect your sons to desire to serve God in family formation, the God we call ‘Our Father’, when their father is not even mentioned in your motherly instructions?

    Ask your husband to take the lead by modeling, and instructing your sons in how to be a godly husband and father. Do not freeze him out. If you demonstrate that their father is not respected and submitted to, why should they desire to know, love and serve Our Father?

    1. She is fulfilling her duty in motherhood. It is her job to raise her children, and teach them right from wrong and the way of the world. Is a mother to have no role? No respect from her children? What of honoring thy mother and father?

  11. It is not a contentious woman who is feared, but the contentious woman whose worst behavior is accepted, encouraged, and rewarded by the toxic court system.

    “No-fault” has become the label for “no responsibility”, and who would enter into an agreement with someone who does not need to deliver responsibility?

    I was raised to believe there was no higher goal than marriage and raising children. Sadly, my counsel to today’s young is no longer that. Damn..

  12. There’re several reasons for men not wanting to marry. One not mentioned here:

    The main thing that men get from women that men can’t get from other men is sex & children* (not the same thing but obviously related). If it weren’t for romantic/sexual motivation, men would simply remain with their male best friends, with whom they have more in common and with whom they have fewer relationship difficulties (due to intersex differences).

    The problem is, married men often don’t get very much sex from their wives and/or only get it after it is “earned”. This is a major issue in marriages.

    Now that we have the internet, men are talking about this. Why get into a permanent relationship when you will have limited or even no sex, particularly when that’s the single most important thing unique to the male-female relationship (viewed from the male perspective). No wonder young men don’t want to get married.

    Worse yet, many women give boyfriends plentiful sex before marriage but then it mysteriously dries up after marriage (“the best libido killer is wedding cake”). Again, men are talking about this -who wants to be tricked/manipulated into marriage particularly by the most fundamental thing you get out of marriage?

    Women know this is the one thing they can use to gain influence over men since men don’t really need anything else from women (we can cook, clean, etc. and modern conveniences and appliances make this trivially easy). If I’m not going to get sex anyway, I’d just as soon grill out with my buddy and there’ won’t be any mess to clean up from little children running around.

    * To anticipate an objection: yes, men can and do get other things: companionship, friendship, emotional intimacy from a relationship with a woman. But again, you can also get this from other men and with less cost .

  13. This article describes me.

    Being married to a wife, and being devoted to her, children, a job, and the church is a lot of work, but what man wants to do all that, when it’s likely your wife will leave, randomly.

    And women are hypergamous, except when they know the love of God. They marry up. Women’s nature is to prefer the dangerous drug dealer to the honest man making minimum wage. Because security, financial and physical is what God designed them to crave.

    Less than 5% of women believe their husband is the head of the home, makes Final decisions, and don’t believe in birth control. No matter how a woman talks, or looks, if she doesn’t believe in those three ideas, she’s going to be a nightmare to marry.

    Today, I went to a company to drop off a load of frozen French fries, from Whataburger.

    Carried it from Washington to Texas.

    The receptionist was extremely beautiful, shapely, and quite easy on the eyes. But, knowing what I know about the average young woman today, I decided to save myself and her the stress, and not to even attempt to strike up a conversation.

    It can be a quite stressful even saying your beliefs. You have to deal with modern feminists, taught to believe whoredom is wonderful, and marrying and caring for your husband and children is some sort of slavery.

    Also, the Talmudic Jews who own the Federal Reserve, who own the media, schools, and tech companies, are very good at libeling and slandering me and millions who know the truth like me, as “anti-semites, racist, sexist, etc”.

    I’m saying the same stuff Jewish Rabbis say.

    It’s interesting to hear a Jewish Rabbi tell what Hitlers first two laws were, when he came to power.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKgiABYkf3Q

    The porn industry in America (which is where many young women are turning to instead of marriage) is controlled by Talmudic Jews. It was Talmudic Jews who spearheaded the homosexual, contraception, abortion, and porn movements, and control all four today.

  14. I’m a 22 year old Christian woman looking to be married with all my heart. I want to be a wife and mother. However, there are no men in sight- not even at my church. I’ve also used online dating and can’t find a godly man. I’m so discouraged to the point of dating any guy. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do practically to find someone. My parents are also not godly and want me to be a career woman and get a masters degree. I am so discouraged beyond belief. Any advice from anyone would be appreciated. God bless you all.

    1. @ Rebecca

      It upsets me that you’re dealing with this – sincere Christian women (the kind that gravitate towards what Lori teaches here) are rare – and thus quite valuable.

      “I’m so discouraged to the point of dating any guy.” I think this is a bad idea. You will probably not find a man who will be committed to you and your children for life through modern dating practices selecting any guy.

      I know what is attractive to men for permanent marriage. Men are attracted to women with feminine personality traits: kindness, gentleness, agreeableness. Men are also attracted to the feminine beauty of a young woman in her twenties. My main advice would be to be YOUR best at these two things and don’t settle for a man who isn’t a serious Christian – IMO more than likely it will end badly.

      A question: of the young men who are around you, what is wrong with them? They aren’t interested e.g. in a serious relationship? Not available (already taken)? Do they not have good enough careers? Just trying to understand more details of the situation.

      Confusing because my son says the same thing from a young male perspective: no women who want a husband except e.g. tattooed single moms with foul mouths.

    2. Are you part of a church? I would look for parental figures there and ask them to help you meet eligible Christian men, since your parents can’t fill this role. Many older people in churches know who is single, and looking, and their wisdom also directs them as to who might make a good match.

  15. Many women honestly shouldn’t get married. They marry and have children to check it off their bucket list, to keep up with peers, to please their parents, or to not feel like they are missing out, but they don’t want to be good wives or loving mothers. Too many women use their children to make political statements (look at Charlize Theron- she adopted a boy and is chemically castrating him because at age 2 or 3 he showed an interest in feminine things. She now calls him her daughter and is raising her adopted son as a girl. She didn’t marry or have children, but adopted and honestly shouldn’t have.

    I appreciate that men are taking a stand and refusing to marry, because so many women should not have children or have guardianship of the children of others. Unless the quality and morality is there, men should not make a wife out of a woman or give her the ability to make the lives of her children and husband miserable. If she wants to focus on herself, her career, her own needs, she can do it forever, by herself.

    I hope this trend continues. I have three sons, and if they don’t find a quality, modest, godly woman, I hope they don’t marry at all. They deserve better, and so do any potential grandchildren of mine.

    1. Thank you for this excellent comment!

      I would add that many single women, including some sincere Christian women, need to give up on the idea of having children and just except a child free marriage. Many have simply waited too late in life. A single, childless, eligible woman of average attractiveness in her late 30s near 40 or beyond who wants marriageandbabies… They need to wake up. It’s almost certainly too late. Marriage, if they can get it, is good enough.

      I’ve dated quite a few of these women and talked to many more online, holding out for miracles. Very few men, including me, are interested in this and it should be obvious why. A man slightly older likely won’t want children. Men that age are going to date/marry younger women, because they can.

      A lot of these women are going to miss the chance to marry well and end up alone and childless instead of childless but happily married. Why? A sense of entitlement. Women are told they can “have it all”. It’s a lie. Time waits for no one. Some believe they hold the moral high ground. Having children is good? So is singleness. Men are not obligated to marry. Many men beyond 40 will accept a good wife but don’t want children. Take it or leave it.

  16. Someone above mentioned a man not having a “career” (I assume this means middle class career instead of just a man with a job).

    It amazes me – just by being chaste a woman will set herself apart from probably 95% of all women. Women can be exceptional (at least in this single but important quality to marriage-minded men) just by NOT doing something!¬ Be nice and don’t have sex with men who aren’t you husband and you’ll be a unicorn.

    Men (see comment above) have to have a “career” at a minimum to be marriageable to women.

    As Christians we are told to be happy with the basic necessities of life but people seem to think they deserve more. Women have to have a big house and a nice SUV. Men have to have boats and trucks and expensive boy toys.

    So I think it’s funny that women complain about there being no men to marry but their criteria is a man with a career. My wife and I did fine with her staying home – I had a job not a “career.”

    I also think young women have a much easier time making themselves stand out to the opposite sex.

    1. Amen! This has become so usual that’s expected.

      At my church my pastor often preached if you have a job it’s all that matters to marry. God didn’t put a career as a requirement. The world did.

      Granted, in today’s economical climate it’s very hard to start a family with a meager job, but nothing is guaranteed in life. You aren’t promised a career or job. If you find a godly good man, that’s enough….but not in the US it seems.

    2. Marrying an ambitious man is a must. I didn’t, and I’ve suffered for it. I’ve always had to work, to supplement our income. He’s always insisted on it.

      Here in New Zealand it’s not possible for a wife to be able to stay home with children if the man only has a minimum wage job. The cost of living is just too high. On minimum wage here, both parents need to be working, just to be able to survive. If it is a goal for the wife to stay home, the man MUST be making substantially more than minimum wage, or it will just be impossible. Either that or he will need to work 80+ hour weeks, and what kind of life is that? Spending so many hours working, apart from your spouse, isn’t conducive to a good marriage.

      But really, there’s no excuse for a man to not be earning well over minimum wage. My 17 year old son is earning well above minimum wage and he only left school at the end of last year!

      1. I don’t know about New Zealand. In the U.S. it is very easy to make a basic living. You might have a small house or apartment, basic food, etc. Clothes (and some of your food) can be almost free (through thrift stores and church food pantries to supplement). Free health care is available for many poor people. Some families could get by on one vehicle or even no vehicle depending on where you live.

        My teenage son got a very basic warehouse job paying almost twice minimum wage. He could manage to support a family with a basic living with this but he wouldn’t be deemed “ambitious” enough for most women – not that he plans on staying at that job forever.

        My dad worked menial, unskilled jobs and we were happy and never truly did without and mom never worked.

        Women are spoiled. They want big houses, nice cars, lots of discretionary income, meals at nice restaurants and lots of expensive items to compete with other women. Men are spoiled too. They have to have a huge pickup truck (even when their job doesn’t require it), a boat, ATVs, the latest expensive sights for their rifle, etc – boy toys.

        Both sexes would be better off learning to live with the basics.

        1. I agree – we’ve only ever had the basics. I drive a 1995 car and our home is modest. But there have been times we haven’t even had the money to buy food. So many times I’ve had to rock my children to sleep while they’re crying with hunger. It’s the most awful feeling in the world. We’re doing much better than that now, but it’s not something I will ever forget.

          Here in NZ it’s housing that makes living so unaffordable. We have a housing shortage, so rents are astronomical. We live in one of the cheapest places and a modest 3 bedroom house here is at least $380 per week! It’s insane!! For a bigger house, or a slightly flasher one, or to live in a city rather than a small town, you’re looking at $500 – $1000+ a week!!
          If you’re wanting to get on the property ladder it’s impossible to even save a deposit paying those kinds of rents, on a low-paid job.

          That’s why we are raising our sons to earn good enough money to not live in poverty – our 17 year old son is dairy farming, house provided as part of his salary, and even though the hours are long and the work is hard, there are so many opportunities for advancement and a good lifestyle to raise children.

          Our girls are still at school but we will not encourage them to settle for a man who doesn’t have a good job which advancement opportunities. Obviously he has to start somewhere, but if he wants to work at McDonald’s flipping burgers for the next 20 years, he’s not really marriage material.

  17. As Christians we should not focus too much on what’s happening in the world. We should foremost be focusing on what’s happening in the church. Why are church leaders supporting pre-marital sex? Or extra-marital sex? Or abortion? Or homosexuality? Or same-sex marriage? Or divorce? Or remarriage after divorce? If Christians are unable to live biblically among themselves, how can we expect society to live according to God’s will?

    1. Yes!
      The church I attend supports none of those things.
      I don’t understand why Christians would attend a church that doesn’t uphold God’s standards according to the Bible. It doesn’t matter if “the church lets us do that.” It matters if God lets us do that.

  18. Men ae avoiding marriage because the mariage vow has no meaning to the majority of women, and Gresham’s Law applies to women as it does to money, the bad drive out the good.
    Men were hoping to be a partner in marriage, not a provider to an obligate parasite. When the odds of getting divorced are over 80% in some area, when the majority of divorces are filed by women, and when courts award over 90% of the family assets to the women and have been known to hand over so much of a man’s earnings that he is not left with enough to pay taxes, then marriage becomes too great a risk to even contemplate.
    My experience with evangelical women is that they are no better than their sevular counterparts, in fat they are worse due to their hypocracy. Evangelical woman behave badly and pass it off saying G**d’s grace will wash away their sins, and will award them with a new husband and even better life than the one given to them by their first husband before the woman destroyed her marriage.
    And most evenagelical chruches seeing that the majority of their memembership or potential membership are divorce-initiating women with children, go out of their way to recruit and pander to them at the expense of the truely G*dly members of the congregation.
    I learned my lesson the hard way, and no longer go to churches which welcome divorced women into their congregation and I recognize divorced women for all their pretense of G*dliness for the Satan spawned lure to perdition that they actually are.

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