Marry a Christian Man Who Provides and Protects
The two main qualifications I taught my daughters to look for in future husbands was that they loved the Lord and were hard workers. It’s easier for a woman to be a keeper of the home as God commands if she marries a Christian man who provides for his family. This is something young women must discuss with future potential husbands before marrying them. My husband was well aware that I wanted to be home full time to raise our children. He was prepared to work hard to make this happen.
Recently, we were out to breakfast with my dad. I was born on September 1, 1958 and that same month, my dad began his third year of medical school. I asked him how he was able to support my mom being home full time with me while in school. He said that for three months solid during the summer before I was born, he worked 80 hour weeks going door-to-door selling sets of Bible Story books. He sold one a day and for each one he sold, his medical school (which was Seventh Day Adventist – no, we’re not Seventh Day Adventist) would deduct $78 from his tuition. He didn’t have to pay any tuition for the last two years of medical school!
He also was paid $14 per night by being an on-call pathologist. He would get more money if he was called in. They lived in student housing until my dad was in residency, then they bought a little home and continued to live simply. He never wanted my mom to work. He knew that she was the best one to raise us. This is how most men were back then. They knew it was their responsibility to provide and protect their families.
Yes, there’s a problem that godly men have in trying to find women who aren’t career-oriented feminists these days. Even most young Christian women are this way since they’ve been raised to go to college and seek a career. There’s also a problem for godly women to find men to marry who don’t want career-oriented feminists. Many men want their wives to work since they are thinking more about the financial benefit instead of the benefit for their marriage, children, and home BUT there will always be a remnant, dear women, who love the Lord and His ways!
Don’t marry a man who wants you to work once you have children. Marry a man who will value your work in your home with your children. Marry a man who isn’t afraid to work hard to provide and wants to protect you. Be a woman who appreciates men like this that haven’t been deeply influenced by the feminism that permeates everything today. Yes, they are still out there. I hear from them often.
Until you find this man, work on becoming a godly woman. Learn all the beautiful ways of biblical womanhood and having a meek and quiet spirit. These qualities will draw a godly man to you. Find the strongest Bible-believing and teaching church around (one that doesn’t have women in leadership positions) and go consistently. Be kind and friendly to the young men who go to this church. Ask God to bring a godly husband into your life.
But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8
30 thoughts on “Marry a Christian Man Who Provides and Protects”
We need more more who are strong: providers and protectors, not wimpy soy boys that are effeminate! We don’t need a generation of boys raised by radical feminists and bitter man-hating single mothers! Much of the issue is they have fewer and fewer strong male role models such as their REAL father, or others who due to the PC climate, are afraid to teach their students, athletes, mentees etc… how to be strong men versus emotional, weak men who the radical feminist women like as “sensitive”… I’m grateful I was raised with a strong man in the picture as my father since daughters marry men often like their dads and learn how men should treat them. So many men are afraid to be chivalrous, honor and protect women due to radical feminists chewing them out as “sexist”! What a sorry society we are in! I hope men out there know there are still some women who want the traditional strong man of old…
Great advice. My life has been so wonderful being married to a Christian man who always wanted a stay at home wife. I continually thank God for the life I have that I enjoy so much. I get to spend every day with my absolute most favorite people in the world.
I’m so thankful the Lord lead me to a real man. We married when he was 21 and even from that early age he was man enough to know that he could/should/would provide for his family. Doing so was not scary for him.
We are raising a son and daughter and while my daughter desires to be a wife and mother my son is being taught to that it is right he provides for his family. He is also being taught even at his young age that he may be called on to put his life on the line. His academics are being sped up so he can get those over with and start learning military discipline and how to work with his hands. It may sound intense but we are all having a LOT of fun. So much so I just thank God I can hardly believe what a wonderful life I have.
Men who work hard and are good providers and protectors need to have faith. I was one, and when I was grossing over $400,000 a year, with a tiny debt, at age 33, I grew frustrated. I couldn’t find a woman who was attractive, virtuous, smart, and who wanted to stay at home and didn’t believe in birth control. In a fit of impatience, I lost my virginity with a harlot, went on to do it a lot more, and lost everything, practically. Though I stopped completely after two years, the misery and sorrow still haven’t left me, and now, I am hesitant to work hard and make a lot of money, because I’m afraid I’ll waste it again.
In the words of Psalms 51, make me a new heart, O Lord.
I agree! I met my husband when we were 17 and told him shortly after that if we got married I was going to stay home and not work outside of the home when we had children. He agreed way back then (we’re 40 now!) and he works hard to provide for me and our 6 kids. I would also say to let the man chase you down, rather than chase a man into marriage. I think the man who wants you for you will almost certainly be attracted to you for your entire marriage.
Young men nowadays want to go 50/50 on everything from the first date to the wedding to child rearing expenses. They think stay at home mom and wives are “gold diggers”. No thanks! I’ll stay single or marry a man twice my age.
The more keepers of home stay out of the workplace the better our world will be.
This is a lovely article, Lori, and I don’t mean to put any more pressure on the finding of godly mates, but what about religious beliefs? For example, back in the day, it was frowned on for a catholic to marry a protestant, even to the point of ex communication or having to make a promise to rear your children a certain way. In today’s climate, I think this has become moot with so many not even having a basic understanding of godly principles. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Hi R, I wouldn’t have married a Catholic since our beliefs would be so different. I believe the closer you can be in religious beliefs, the better since all of our morals and values flow out of our religious beliefs. Ken and I are born again believers in Jesus Christ who believe that God’s Word has everything we need in it for life and godliness so we are of one heart and mind in this which has been a huge blessing in raising our children and the way we live our lives.
There are two qualifiers for a believer getting married: it is better to marry than to burn and marry one who is in the Lord (another believer). Marriages are much stronger when we follow God’s admonitions to us.
Yes, since these keepers at home will be at home raising the next generation instead of pursuing their own goals and ambitions. No one and nothing can take the place of a full-time mother in a child’s life. This helps the child to grow up to be emotionally secure and stable.
Not all men, that’s for sure. I know many that are not like this, thankfully. You hang around the wrong people! Begin attending a church who teaches the truth of God’s Word and His will for our lives.
It’s so very important that a born again, Christ following woman marry a born again, Christ following Christian man. I think about Billy and Ruth Graham and their godly marriage and how Rev. Graham provided for and protected her and their children. We need more men like him. No they don’t need to be preachers but have a willingness to be the man God calls them to be and allow their wives to obey God’s Word to be keepers at home.
Thankyou, Lori and Regina, for your wisdom. There was a potential young woman that I thought would make an excellent wife for my son. There was interest, but the only thing was they had extremely differing views on the Holy Spirit’s work. They could not reconcile this, so nothing ever happened. Personally, I was pretty disappointed, but I learned an important lesson to leave all things in God’s hands.
I thought this was a great article, a friend of mine shared it on FB. I’m glad you mentioned how godly young men have a hard time finding godly young women. Myself and several other young men in my church have that problem. I want to be a husband who works hard and provides for his wife and children, I know its going to take faith to do that but I want to do that which is right in the eyes of the Lord. Im faithful that the Lord will provide a godly wife for me I just have to wait on him. I just want to reassure any young women out there with doubts that young men like us do exist.
That’s lovely to hear as a mom of 2 daughters
Whilst I do believe all women (other than those who follow a religious vocation) should aspire to a traditional marriage and a husband who protects and provides for them they do need to understand that it is their responsibility to behave (and teach their daughters to behave) such that they both deserve such a marriage and are able to play a full and Godly part in it.
They need to be equipped with the domestic skills of a wife and mother but above all that they need to follow Christ and live moral, Godly modest and chaste lives before and during marriage.
These character traits are excellent qualities in a future spouse. My husband had all of these character traits when we married. As we had children and I stayed home, those traits became more of an obsession with him and he put work ( being a provider) and church ahead of being a husband and father. My thought was how do I compete with God and his ability to earn a living. We have been married for 38 yrs and this behavior has had consequences. His relation with his children is not strong and he regrets his choices and deals with depression. I would add another trait. STRONG understanding that doing the Lords will is also taking care of your wife and children’s needs
My dad worked too hard and was away too much, too, Susan. He has told us he was sorry for doing this. My mom felt alone a lot of her life but we still must learn contentment in any situation we find ourselves in. On her death bed, she was sorry for not treating my dad with respect and being upset that he worked so hard. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect but if they love the Lord and work hard, we are way ahead of the game.
Wow, this is such a good article. As a 20 year old Christian woman. I find it difficult to see a silver lining with how much more men these days want a marriage that’s 50/50 in work inside and of out of the home if at all. I wouldn’t even know where to begin to put myself to be saught after by a Godly man. It’s difficult to not be the pursuer while making sure that I am not closing myself off to where the good young Christ following men are.
My husband isn’t Christian and I wasn’t either at the time we got married but I was upfront in the beginning that I wanted to be a stay at home mom and he has supported me the best he can with that. I’m so glad he is supportive.
I want to thank The Transformed Wife and also all the previous commenters to her article here. As a young (24) single man, this probably isn’t the best website for me. However, this article near perfectly describes the man I want to be and the woman I want to marry.
I tend to be very traditional and, though I didn’t grow up knowing the Lord, I’ve found that this viewpoint is often very Biblical.
I work as an aircraft mechanic in the military and am pursing a bachelor’s in engineering. I recently bought my first home and have always been pretty frugal. I go to church regularly, have a strong relationship with Christ, and am even teaching a youth apologetics class at church. I enjoy serving wherever I can and love how God has given me a servant heart. My first priority is my relationship with Jesus, second is my future family (and helping my parents back home when I can), and third my work and being a good provider for my future family.
The part I find most discouraging, however, is the lack of women who are this way. Every woman near my age, that I see, is going to college and usually working as well. While I don’t have a problem with women doing these both before marriage and child-bearing, I see little hint of them desiring to be married and have children.
Also, my only romantic relationship was with someone who was very much a career oriented feminist. So, I’m far more cautious when ladies mention they’re going to college and pursuing some degree/career path.
I understand many woman lack the security of prospective husbands. Most men my age are somewhat equally influenced by the feminist culture (even in the church). So, women don’t have much of a choice but to seek their own provision.
However, my question is in how I would tell the difference between a woman who is merely going that route prior to marriage and would easily give it up when she’s married vs a woman who is going that route and wouldn’t give it up.
Could I even know before pursing a relationship with her?
I guess it simply has to do with her priorities. On a first date, I could ask if she would rather have a future career pr future family as her priority.
Yes, Johnathan, it’s something you need to discuss very early in the relationship. You want to find how what feminist tendencies she has before marrying her, that’s for sure! Openly tell her what you envision your future to be like and watch closely to how she responds.
Hi! My next door neighbor consented on a recent post concerning your comment. She’s a fabulous girl that I would love you to meet. He name is Dana Diane Hercula
First off I’m not using my real name, though my comments are genuine. At the age of 62 and now looking into retirement I struggle with the idea of a good husband is one who works hard and provides for his family. Not that those are undesirable traits, they are to be desired. It is that the providing part can be where is issues becomes stained.
I grew up poor without knowing we were poor, that is until years later after joining the military I started to notice almost everyone had more than we did. My parents were not well educated and as a result did not have high paying jobs to raise three children on. There were times we went hungry, though not often, did without things, and lived in a 70 year old farm house where if is was 3 degrees outside my window it wasn’t much warmer in the room; I understand the meaning of a three dog night.
Now comes the issue I have with the “good provider” requirement to be a “good” husband or father. Not every father in this nation has the means to give a family all they want or need, no matter how hard he works.
My parents did their best to raise three children and give them a foundation to grow into adults. While they could not provide for college, they did make sure we studied in school. My sister went into college and now works in the school system, my brother never went to college and makes a modest income, while I went into college and more most of my carrier maintains a six-figure income and never had children.
I’ve seen families where the father was a good provider, giving all the family needed financially, yet were terrible dads. I’ve also seen families that struggled to pay their bills each month and provide basic needs, yet they were great parents with families full of love and caring.
My point is this. A 4,000 sqr ft home with three cars and vacations in Mexico does not make a good home. And if you look down on someone because they do not provide what you deem as being a “good provider” is then you may be looking for the wrong traits in your husband. Find a husband who loves you, loves your children, loves your neighbors and grows the family together as a family. IF you find you need to make a choose between a man with a nice six figure income that is gone all the time and could care less about the kids, vs a man who works two jobs to make ends meet yet loves the kids and you with all his heart…choose the man who loves you.
I’ve been married 29 years and, honestly, it’s been a long slog. My husband became a Christian while we were dating. I suppose I knew that I shouldn’t be dating a non-Christian but I thought it would be fine because he became one. But no. Not really.
At this point in our marriage, I’d say I’m married to a non-Christian. We are childless not by choice (and fellow commenters, unless you are well familiar with the searing grief of this particular road, please refrain from commenting on that) and my husband has always been …. how shall I say it? ….. unambitious. If he had his way, I’d be the provider and I have been at various times. Sometimes I’ve backed off, working less to see if he’ll step up and work more, but he doesn’t. He basically doesn’t want to work.
I’m still with him but my fear over my future is constant and intense. The thing is — if you met my husband, you’d like him instantly. He’s funny, friendly, kind, and a good listener. He’s that guy everybody loves so nobody would suspect that my life with him is unstable and unpredictable.
I don’t share this to be Debbie Downer but simply to say that, yes, marry a godly man. Marry a solid Christian, not one you have to disciple into the faith. And, yes, marry a man who you know CAN provide and WANTS to do so. Don’t let emotions *totally* sweep you off your feet while you’re dating. Really THINK about what he has to offer. Your feet will hit the ground again some day and you need to make sure they have a solid place to land. I’m your future if you don’t.
Wise advice. Thank you!
?????? well done
My husband and I are Christians. He knew I wanted to stay at home to raise our children before we married and said as far as it was practical I could. When we married, he had a job and was frustrated in it. I had a difficult job too but felt that struggles are normal and found grace in God to persevere and to do well in it. My husband left his job a few months after we married. I worked to support us and we put off having children. He changed career paths twice but struggled to progress through the challenging parts of his job each time. Once though he lost his job because the company could no longer afford to pay him. He took on an unpaid leadership role in our church and I worked to support us. I wanted children and a life at home. We agreed that perhaps I could work part-time and still get some time at home. In the end, our baby was born and he stayed at home because we wanted at least one of us at home raising her and not antbody else but we also needed food, health insurance, mortgage payments etc. We spoke openly how painful it was for me but never as something within his control – just as our lot in life and something to find grace for. I would cry sometimes as I left my baby with him even though she was in good hands. Through a series of circumstances (all good), God moved us out of our church. Initially for a yr, then 2 and now permanently. I have wondered many times if it was to protect the flock from the poor testimony that we are on the inside.
My husband embarked on a new career again 4 years ago and I’m still working full-time to provide for us and his studies even though I feel and said at the start that it was ill-suited for him. We’ve stopped even saying it’s until he can provide for us. I think we both know he won’t do it. I protected us from the world and the church’s judgement in this area in various ways and sincerely so. I did think it was temporary.
My husband struggles with insecurity but can also be spiritually abusive. Last year, he felt so stuck and frustrated with himself, he lashed out at me and said he was leaving. When he realised after a day that he could not support himself and that I was not willing to support him living elsewhere while being divorced, he came back. He said imhe came back because he loves me but for me, it communicated that it was for money. He is struggling on and off in his studies. His character is failing. There are more and more ways in which he leaves me vulnerable and exposed. In 13yrs, my husband has never asked how I feel or am coping with the pressure of working to provide for us. I didn’t bring up because he was clearly insecure about it and though I needed him for this even I felt he wouldn’t meet that moment and would be diminished by it.
I’m ashamed of myself for bringing a child into this situation. I don’t know if I did good by not exposing my husband and the hardships and heartache of wanting to stay at home and not being able to. My daughter is 6. We wanted more children but if we have more children, my husband will use that as a reason to stay at home and I won’t get to raise them. I feel horrible for making my daughter an only child. Secretly, I hope she notices how other daddies work and provide and is not going to make the same mistakes that I made.
I am grateful to God for His provision for my family through my work. It’s just very deeply painful to be coming to terms with the fact that my ‘godly’ husband probably does not love me as a wife but more as a helpful person in his life. I want to honour God and do the right thing for my daughter so I won’t divorce him. I can also see that he wouldn’t cope in the working world. He hasn’t developed himself in that way.
I guess I’m writing because although I don’t think God has one template for every couple, I’d like unmarried women to know what it can sometimes be like if you become the provider, even with a ‘godly’ man.
I still wouldn’t judge working mothers or SAH dads. I think God is broader than the rules we want to lay but I don’t think my marriage is pleasing to Him.
When women ask me what to look for in a marriage, I tell them to look for a godly men who is a hard worker. Too many men these days aren’t hard workers and it’s devastating to the family. I know some and it’s painful for the wife. I am sorry you are having to go through this.
I’m on that route but only as “basic training” in preparation for the future family that God will give me. 🙂